The Boogeyman tries to understand Fanfiction
by Mystichawk
Summary: After Pitch's defeat, all he has the energy to do nowadays is move his mouse. The Boogeyman is severely addicted to the web and, one day, he discovers a certain movie, a certain wiki and a certain site that makes him question even his own mind. Includes clips and tidbits of stories from Fantasydreamer244, Spark of the forgotten and Starskulls. If u haven't read their work, do so!
1. In Which The Boogerman Finds Fanfiction

**Ok, warning, this is just something that randomly popped into my head at around five in the morning, but, hey, isn't that when all genius writers have their inspiration? This is possibly a one-shot, or it might develop into a many-shot. We'll have to wait and see. So, without further ado, I present to you. . .**

**THE BOOGEYMAN TRIES TO UNDERSTAND FANFICTION**

* * *

One evening, while scrolling through the pages upon pages of interweb, Pitch Black, A.K.A the Boogeyman, stumbled upon something rather odd.

Since his defeat at the hands of the Guardians, commonly known as the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Sandman, Santa Clause and Jack Frost, he'd been nearly powerless and forced to retreat to his secluded deep cavern home. That was about two to two and a half months ago. During that time, all Pitch Black had the energy to do was move his cordless mouse.

He hated not being able to go out and preform his usual duties. He missed the sweet sound of screaming and the pale-wide-eyed looks that children gave him. Pitch hated being cooped up. He really hated it, so after about a month, when he'd built up enough energy and strength, he headed to the mouth of his cave, intent on getting his fill of Nightmares which he'd been starved of during his recuperation.

Pitch stood at the mouth of his caves, smiling in his usual evil way.

"Now, my Guardians, let's see how you like being beaten!" He yelled, laughing manically.

His victory was short-lived, however, because a second later he found himself being thrown back into his cave and landing on his rear by a very strong magical barrier, no doubt put there by the Guardians to prevent him from leaving his caves for a long, long time.

He'd raged for about, three minutes, then slunk back to his cave to begin plotting their downfall. Again.

He'd even compiled a list of especially evil ways to deal with each individual Guardian. He kept it on his laptop.

To make himself feel better, he scrolled through it, reading it aloud to himself.

"North: starve him. Toothiana: pull out all her teeth and use them as a necklace. Sanderson:-" Pitch paused when he read off the Sandman's name. He'd never been able to come up with anything quite _evil_ enough for the little man in gold. Pitch deleted Sandy's name and continued. "Bunnymund: take every single one of his eggs, fry them, and make him eat them." Ooh, he was particularly fond of that one.

He glanced down at the last name on the list and grimaced. "Jack Frost," He said scathingly. He'd come up with dozens of punishments for him. From taking him to Death Valley and leaving him there to putting him on a shuttle to the sun. But nothing seemed painful enough to recompense for all the pain the Frost Boy had caused him.

Pitch saved his evil deeds list and exited. He almost turned off his computer to try and get some rest, but then he noticed the little internet icon in the corner of the screen.

"Hm." He muttered to himself as he clicked on it. "Who knew you could get service this far below."

* * *

**YES, THE BOOGEYMAN HAS THE INTERNET! DEAL WITH IT!**

* * *

After checking his Gmail account, (Yes, even magical super-villains have Gmail accounts,) Pitch decided to search himself. He always got a kick out of seeing what the world thought of the Boogeyman. Occasionally he would even comment on these posts and make some of his own.

He hit Google for a search engine and typed in** Boogeyman**. A Wikipedia page popped up. He clicked it, wondering what his adoring fans had to say about him this week.

It was mostly blether about the mythology of the Boogeyman. How the name had originated, how there were many different types of Boogeymen all over the world, ect.

Pitch was about to exit out again and power down when he spotted something at the bottom of his page.

_References, _it said.

1. Cooper, Brian. "Lexical reflections inspired by Slavonic *bogǔ: English bogey from a Slavonic root?" _Transactions of the Philological Society_, Volume 103, Number 1, April 2005, pp. 73-97(25)

2. Auchard, John (2007-01-28). "In Indonesia". Washington Post. Retrieved 2007-10-17. "The Buginese of Sulawesi" Retrieved 2007-10-17.

3. The Tonton Macoutes: The Central Nervous System of Haiti's Reign of Terror Council on Hemispheric Affairs (COHA) "El cucuy has roots deep in border folklore"

None of that made any sense to him, but he looked farther down and saw another smaller section.

_External Links_, it said.

1. The online Etymology Dictionary,

2. The Word Detective,

3. Dilbert Bogey Man,

4. Boogeyman: Pitch Black.

With a look of pure incredulity on his face, Pitch clicked the link and soon found himself scrolling through something called Rise of the Guardians Wiki.

"What in the name of darkness _is _this?" He asked himself as he scrolled. Suddenly, he saw his name. **Pitch Black.** He clicked on it and it brought him to a page with a picture of a familiar scowling face. Pitch frowned, wondering who could've taken this, and why?

Pitch decided to take a look and soon found himself regretting his decision.

"'Pitch Black, the Nightmare King, is the Rise of the Guardians' re-imagining of the boogeyman, the mythic creature that haunts the closets and dark corners of childhood nightmares and the main antagonist. He is voiced by-'" Pitch stopped reading aloud and stared at the screen.

"_Voiced by?_" He said incredulously. "I don't know who this Jude Law person is, but I've certainly never met him." Pitch ignored what he assumed must be a typo and continued to read aloud.

"'Physical appearances: Pitch is tall, lithe, and dark in appearance.'" Pitch stopped and his mouth split into a self-satisfied smile. "Whoever wrote this actually knows what they're doing," He admitted.

He read on. "'He has golden yellow eyes (resembling an eclipse), dull pale-gray skin, and glossy black hair that is styled to come out as slick spikes from the back of his head."' Pitch stopped and patted his hair in a way that would would _not_ expect from the Boogeyman. After all, he'd used countless hair gels to get it like this. He resumed after another minute. "'He wears a long black robe, obscuring his body like a shadow. He is about a foot taller than Jack.'" Pitch froze, wondering what the Frost Boy's name was doing on _his _Wikipedia page. Did the boy hate him so much that he _had_ to invade his tiny slice of stardom?!

Pitch grumbled, then turned back to his Wiki Page.

"'Personality: Pitch is everything a child fears, and he thrives on the fear of children, taking a cruel delight in turning their pleasant dreams into nightmares. But what Pitch hates is when children overcome their fears and don't believe in him, particularly when parents tell their kids that the boogeyman is just a bad dream.'"

Pitch stopped to clench his fasts. "Oh yes," He said cracking his knuckles. "I really _really _hate that."

Then he turned back to the Wiki page and began again.

"'As such, he is hatefully jealous of the Guardians, who are believed in and beloved by children. Eventually, his hate and jealously would convince him to undertake a conspiring vendetta against the Guardians and destroy the children's beliefs in them, and he could usher in another Dark Age.'"

Pitch licked his lips and said, "Oh what a lovely thought."

'"Pitch however does have a sad side, as he has suffered loneliness and being shunned just for being what he is,'" Pitch froze, staring at the Wiki page in disbelief.

"What?!" He raged, re-reading the paragraph. "_Sad side?! _I do not have a _sad side! _I am Pitch Black, ruler of nightmares and fear! I am the King of cruelty and the bringer of despair and misery!" Though, somewhere in his mind, he felt that the page was telling the truth.

He decided to skip right over the powers and abilities and went right on to quotes, which confused him even more.

"'What an adorable dream. What's more powerful? It's fear.' 'I'd say "pleasant dreams"... but there aren't any left!'" Those sounded like him, but the ones about the unicorn and longing for a _family_ were just plain rubbish. Weren't they?

Pitch went down farther and found the Trivia section. He laughed at a few of them, but mostly he sneered at them.

"'Nightmares come from the fears that live in every heart.' Completely true," He said, nodding in his approval of the writer's taste. Then he went farther down and said angrily, "Again with this _voiced _nonsense! I don't know what this stupid human is talking about, but I've _never met_ this Jude Law person."

Pitch decided, right then and there to find out once and for all what this _voiced_ business was all about. He also wanted to find out why they were calling it Rise of the Guardians Wiki, instead of Pitch Black Wiki.

He pulled up another tab, then clicked the search engine and typed in, **Rise of the Guardians. **A second later, he was staring in disbelief at the screen,

"They've made a _movie_ for those cretins?!" He bellowed, causing the entire cavern to shake slightly. Pitch moved to protect his computer from falling rocks, but no rocks fell. When he'd gotten back on and pulled up the Rise of the Guardians page, he nearly blew his top.

"They've made a movie for those cretins?!" He said again, much quieter, for fear of a rock falling and smashing his beloved computer.

He clicked the link to a preview and nearly vomited.

It started with a picture of something called Dreamworks, then Jack Frost's voice sounded out of the speakers.

"I've been around for a long time. My name. . . is Jack Frost."

"I know your name, you impudent brat!" Pitch howled at the screen.

"I love being on my own."

"Yes, so did the rest of the world!" Pitch sneered.

The screen showed Jack running with his staff across a lake, then it cut to him flying, then to him doing a somersault off the side of a truck, yelling, "SNOWDAY!"

Pitch groaned. Was this movie going to be all about Frost?

"No rules, no responsibility. . . It's as good as it sounds." It cut to a child's tongue being frozen to a stream or fountain water and Pitch laughed.

"Ha! Serves you right." Then he felt sick with himself. He did _not _find the Frost boy's antics funny, unless they messed with the season or holiday of another spirit, like the Blizzard of '68. Now_ that_ was truly inspired!

Pitch pressed the play button again.

The screen cut to a scene of Jack, standing in a dark alleyway with his staff at the ready.

"Maybe this is where I come in. . ." Pitch muttered hopefully.

"Hello, Mate."

Pitch growled. Not him then. Bunnymund, and what kind of a voice was that? Kooky English mixed with Australian?

"Been a long time. Blizzard of '68, I believe." Bunnymund came out of the shadows and Pitch groaned again.

"Could they have exaggerated him any more?" He griped, looking at the six-foot tall rabbit.

"Easter Sunday, wasn't it?"

"You're not still mad about _that_, are you?"

"Yes, but this is about something else." The rabbit leaned against the wall of the alley and studied his boomerangs. "Fellas," He said, and something grabbed Jack by the collar and stuffed him into a sack, throwing him through a magic portal.

"Please be to the underworld, please be to the underworld," Pitch muttered, closing his eyes. When he heard the fanfare he groaned again. "Not the underworld then."

"There he is! Jack Frost!" It was North.

"Are all these buggers in this movie?" Pitch asked, staring in disbelief at the screen. Apparently so.

"Oh, yeah, I love being thrown into a sack and tossed through a magic portal!"

"Oh, good. That was my idea." Pitch groaned. Had no one taught North the concept of sarcasm? Apparently not.

The rest of the commercial- excuse me, _trailer_, played out and the more they showed of Jack and the rest of the Guardians, the more he wanted to vomit. He nearly shut down the computer again, but again, he saw something that changed his mind.

"Now we face a threat bigger than ever before." That was North, and Pitch held his breath, waiting for the rendition of himself to be shown. He wasn't disappointed.

"What an adorable dream." Pitch remembered this line from the quotes section and spoke the words along with the character.

"'What's more powerful? It's fear.'" Pitch froze the screen when it showed his face and studied the drawing.

"Not too bad. . ." He said. He clicked play and then immediately clicked freeze again. "My hair is not that spiky!" He said, patting his hair again.

He groaned, readying himself for a few disappointments. After all, they'd never met the real Nightmare King.

He pressed play and a flash of scenes greeted him.

"We need your help."

"_Boooring_," Pitch said and skipped to the next time he was mentioned.

"You cannot kill fear, Jack."

Pitch frowned at the rendition of himself. He looked at the face, the eyes, the nose, (which was far too large,) and then he noticed something that made him scream at the screen in anger.

"They didn't give me any eyebrows!" He bellowed, clicking full screen and staring at the picture. "_They didn't give me any eyebrows?_" He said again, more out of astonishment than anger this time.

He stared at the picture, then reached up to feel his own eyebrows.

* * *

**Yes, in my world Pitch Black has eyebrows. ****_Deal_**** with it! **

* * *

Finally he decided that they couldn't have possibly gotten it _all_ wrong, and he dismissed his lack of eyebrows, for the moment.

He watched the trailer fly by. He had to admit, it looked promising. When the trailer was through, Pitch searched the web for any other mention of Rise of the Guardians. He found the web site, which he promptly ignored, he found the Wiki, which he also ignored, then he found something that made him frown with confusion.

"What in the world is a _Fanfiction_?"

He clicked on the web site and scrolled down, reading carefully.

Apparently, a Fanfiction was a story written by someone that doesn't own the original story, but uses characters from that story, book, movie or T.V show. Mostly it seemed like kid stuff, but there _were_ some interesting ones, if you looked hard enough.

Pitch searched until he found a section for Rise of the Guardians, in the Movie division under R, and clicked. He scrolled down and read each story summery with morbid fascination, getting redder and redder in the face.

"Are all these about Jack Frost?!" He raged, scrolling through them again. Apparently so. He clicked the next page and finally, to his satisfaction, he found one that featured him in it.

"Listen to your Heart. . ." He said, reading the title aloud. Sounded creepy.

"The Guardians thought he was over. They thought he would never find his center, whatever that meant. But when Nalanie comes into his life and has an amount of nightmares due to his interest in her, were they wrong? Sorry for the lame summary, but I swear the story is better...hopefully. Pitch x OC- Wait a minute!" Pitch said, swiftly clicking on the title and beginning to read.

The beginning wasn't so bad, but the farther he read, the higher his eyebrows rose until finally, he realized what this. . .Fantesydreamer244 was doing! She/he was _pairing_ him with a human girl!

He read on, stopping at certain intervals to marvel at the detail this writer had put into her/his story, but mostly he stopped to fake-gag. The idea of him, the Nightmare King, falling for a _human! _But, Pitch just couldn't bring himself to exit before reading the next chapter. Maybe he was getting addicted to this stuff. Nevertheless, he steeled himself and read on.

He hadn't read very far when strange thoughts began to crop up in his mind, when he read a particular sentence or passage. The scenes that he was reading were, to him, slightly repulsive, but they were extremely well-written.

Pitch stopped once more, irritated. "_Well written_?" He scoffed. Then, something inside him made him pause and his eyes slowly drifted to the center of the page. These children, the ones who were writing the fanfictions, (if they _were_ children,) were at least acknowledging his existence. True, they were mostly idolizing Jack Frost, but he found that, on some level, he didn't mind it.

Pitch stared at the page and thought to himself, _this child, the one who wrote this, she's just trying to use her imagination. She wants the characters of the movie to be different than how they were written. But mostly me. She took it into her own hands to make me a story, albeit a very dramatic love story, but a story nonetheless._ Pitch looked towards the cave entrance. _And maybe the love part isn't _so _bad. It's just a way for her to feel like she's made a difference by helping someone that that stupid movie shows is alone and lonely and bitter._

Pitch sighed and, for the first time in his life, admitted something that he'd gone to painstakingly hard lengths to hide from himself and every one of his enemies.

"I wish I was a Guardian."

There. It was out. He'd finally said it, and he'd meant every syllable.

Pitch sighed for an unknown reason and turned back to his laptop, beginning to read again.

He still skipped over the love scenes, but he did a quick glance-over as he did so each time. He felt that he owed it to the author to read as much of it as he could.

Eventually, Pitch began to get slightly nervous when he glanced over the love scenes. They were incredibly detailed, and _worse_, they were getting _funny! _

_I understand that the writer wants me to have a good time, but does she have to write it so _lividly? He thought as he read through another scene with him and the girl. This one featured her chasing him around the lair with a hair brush.

Pith instinctively reached up and patted his hair. _No one messes with the hair,_ he thought, and then groaned. _Great! Now I'm starting to _sound _like the character! _He sighed, dropped his hand and his gaze back to the story.

Eventually, no matter how hard he fought it, the scenes got too much for him to handle and he exited out in a panic. Then he could've kicked himself.

"This is ridiculous. Will I, the Nightmare King, be beaten by a mere story?!"

_Yes I will_, He thought, staring at his desktop picture. It was his most favorite picture of the Boogeyman.

Pitch gritted his teeth and opened a window to again, but before he could click on Listen to your Heart, something else caught his eye.

Thinking that it would be better to wait and finish Listen to your Heart when he was feeling more up to it, He clicked on the title. It did feature the Frost boy, but it had him in it too.

"Tortured." He liked the sound of that. "When the Guardians get captured by Pitch Black, Jack must pass five tests to set himself and the Guardians free. It sounds simple enough. But when Pitch gives him the tests, will he be able to pass them? Or will he fail? Rated T just in case. T?" Pitch said, wondering what T had to do with it. The story looked wonderful, so he quickly clicked on it and read through the first chapter. It was magnificent.

Pitch even decided to review the story, using a guest username. His review went like this:

_Dear starskulls, your love of violence truly is delicious. However you lack finesse when you think up these tests. Give Jack something a little more difficult than regular pain. What is pain to an immortal? I suggest making him fly straight at the sun, or telling him he has to stay in Death Valley for three days. Something like that. Besides, if he still lives through one of the tests, then obviously you are doing something wrong._

Pitch posted his review with glee and went back a page, looking for Listen to your Heart. He found it in under a minute and in two minutes, he was back to the place where he'd left off.

Within five minutes, he was back to rocking on the edge of his seat and muttering to himself. It was very hard to read when all those, _details _kept popping up.

Eventually, after he calmed down again and convinced himself that he wasn't scarred for eternal life, Pitch turned back to his computer and found that he was shaking, but not in rage. No, defiantly not rage.

Things were running through his mind. Mostly, _Oh darkness, please darkness no! _Darkness was Pitch's version of saying, "Oh god," and things like that, for obvious reasons. Pitch shot the screen where he'd left off a quick glance, then he took a deep breath and spoke to himself.

"That was. . . interesting." He said, glancing at the computer again. "I think I'll just wait to read the rest." He decided, shakily moving his mouse to click on something else. "Anything else!" He said in a hoarse, whispering breath.

Pitch feverishly clicked and scrolled through the many many fanfics about him and the rest of the characters form the movie. Some of them were repulsive. He could tell from their summaries. It took him quite a long time to find something more appealing to his own taste.

"Absolutely nothing lovie-dovie," He said, coining a phrase he'd found on one of the reviews for Listen to your Heart.

He searched and searched until he finally found something good. Or, at least, he thought it sounded good. something else to read that wasn't all lovie-dovie and mushy.

Finally, he found one.

It was titled Cursed Luck, and it looked slightly odd, but, hey, if it was about him odd was just fine. He decided to skip the summery and clicked the title. The page loaded and he began to read.

xXx

_It was official: luck was out to get me._

_In my fifteen years of being, I could give you many examples, like the time the railing at the zoo gave away and I landed in the lion's den, or the time I somehow managed to reactivate a WWII bomb at the museum, or even the time a stray dog bit my leg and shattered the bone in four different places._

_As you can see, I am not the luckiest person in the world. And the jam I'm in proves it._

_It all started when the two kids I babysit, Jamie and Sophie, who are also close friends of mine, said I should go outside more instead of "wasting away" in my room. Looking back on it, I don't know why I took this to heart, but I did, and it leads me my current dilemma._

_I took a walk in the woods, being mindful to watch where I stepped and where I put my hands; I wouldn't be surprised if the first tree I touched was covered in poison ivy. After a few minutes of walking, I came across a clearing in the woods, which wouldn't have been that unusual, if it wasn't for the old, broken, wooden bedframe smack-dab in the middle._

_Now, being the curious teen that I am, I went to investigate this strange sight. Looking in every direction for any sign of freak bear attacks or something, I ventured to the bedframe._

_From what I could see, the wooden structure was very old, with splinters jutting out of the sides, but that's not what caught my attention. What I noticed was the dark, ominous hole directly underneath the broken boards that would usually hold the mattress. My curiosity got the best of me as I leaned over to get a better look._

_Worst. Mistake. Ever._

_xXx_

Ten minutes later he was frowning with lurid fascination. The writer was obviously a maniacal genius, but they also seemed to know him better than the others.

xXx

_I run over to the person on the floor and flip him over. The first thing that I notice is his strange light grey skin. Then there's his dark grey robe-dress thingy, not to mention his black hair, which looks like a strong gust of winter wind blew it back and froze it in place… or maybe Jack Frost threw a snowball at him._

_Either way, what I want to know is: how did he land so gracefully, and not in a mess of tangled limbs, like I did? It's not fair, I tell you!_

_Although, this man can't be too lucky. I mean, he is in this cave with me._

_Unthreading my arms from my jacket and backpack, I fold my jacket to make a pillow for the stranger. I shiver a bit, my bare arms exposed to the cold._

_Carefully lifting the man's head – so that I don't bother any injuries he might have – I slide the makeshift pillow under him and slowly lie his head back down on it. I have a bad feeling about this guy, like he could give me nightmares for the rest of my life… but I'll just have to deal with that. I don't want to be stuck here alone – I don't really want to be stuck here at all – and if he dies, if he leaves me here BY MYSELF, I think I'm going to go insane._

_Waiting for this guy to wake up is like watching a pot of water that should be boiling – nothing happens. I've cartwheeled, sang Numa Numa, poked the wacko-wearing-dress-man… for goodness sake, I even took a Sharpie to his face and gave him a French moustache, but he still won't wake up._

_I'm starting to really dislike this guy. What does it take to wake him up, an air horn? Wait… that might just work!_

_Rooting through my back pack for the desired object, I find magic markers; silver, gold, and black duct tape; meds for my ADD; enough food and water to last for a month; an iPod; and some blankets – but no air horn. Figures. Why would I have an air horn?! I was right. I really am losing it._

_Great – now what?_

_I glare at Mr. Sleeps-a-Lot and proceed to nudge him with my foot. "Hey! If you're alive, wake up already!"_

xXx

Pitch stared at the screen dubiously. "A _mustache_? The writer of this story is obviously a lunatic." Pitch paused and a thin smile began to creep across his face. "I like her."

He read more and more, muttering to himself every few scrolls, "This is strange. Just plain _strange_."

xXx

_From what I've gathered, this guy got beat up by Sandman, Jack Frost, and the Easter bunny. I do believe in those legends, even if I'm supposed to be too old – but seriously, this guy got beat up by the Easter bunny? If so, that's kind of sad._

_I laugh, loudly, which prompts Mr. Sleeps-a-Lot to finally notice me. His eyes narrow with anger, and suddenly he is walking – wait, that's not it – is he… gliding? How is he GLIDING? A shadow falls over me as I realize I've been distracted again. I look up, and Mr. Sleeps-a-Lot – let's revise his name to Mr. About-to-Beat-My-Brains-Out – is towering over me._

_"Who," he whispers, "are you?"_

_I shiver, but I force myself to glare at him. Scary voice or not, it's kind of hard to take him seriously with the moustache that I drew on his face. I smile my I'm-crazy-so-fear-me smile. "The name's Haley Davidson. And you?"_

_His frowns, clearly furious, which only makes the mustache look that much more ridiculous. "I am Pitch," he announces dramatically, his voice booming around the cave. "Pitch Black. The Nightmare King and Boogeyman."_

_I stare at him, trying to grasp what I just heard. "So you're the… Boogerman?"_

_"BOOGEYMAN."_

_So help me – he really is going to beat my brains out. "Boogeyman," I blurt. "Yeah – got it – sorry!"_

_He nods. It makes the mustache twitch._

_I can't help it. I'm feeling brave again. "And you got beaten up by the Easter bunny," I say. "The fluffy rabbit that hides eggs for kids."_

_He scowls at me, giving me his glare-o-doom. "Leave, child – before I make your worst nightmares come to life."_

_xXx_

The more he read, the more irritated he became. The _Boogerman_ comment was a very large thorn in his side; one he'd been trying to dig out for centuries and here it was, on the _internet_ no less! Pitch's mind raced with thoughts of the things he could do to this irritating human, if he found her real name.

"Spiders. . ." He muttered. "All children hate spiders. Or rats! Yes. . . a lovely rat eye in a bowl of soup." That sounded wonderful indeed. After a few minutes of contemplating revenge on Sparks for this repulsive dramatization of himself, Pitch stood up, slightly worried that if he got any angrier he would smash his beloved computer. Pitch, who was not one used to calmness, resisted the urge to destroy everything in sight by taking a few more minutes of slow breathing, then he turned back to the computer and began to read again.

When he'd finished the chapter, he leaned back, staring at the screen. "This might just be the _oddest_ thing ever written about me," He said, staring down his node at the **next** sign beside the chapter selection.

_Should I read on? H_e thought to himself. _It's bound to get stranger after this. Hopefully violent, but stranger none-the-less. _

Then he made a split-second decision and clicked the next button. The page loaded, and he began to read again.

xXx

_Although the disappearing hole, my backpack's profound lack of air horns, and the murderous Easter Bunny theory could still use further explanation, I know one thing for sure: this Pitch guy is lying. There is no way he could be the Boogeyman. Maybe he's Boogeyman Junior or a Boogeyman Minion, but most definitely not the Boogeyman; there simply isn't anything scary about the man-dress. And besides, the real Boogeyman wouldn't have allowed me to draw a mustache on his face._

xXx

Pitch stopped reading after about thirty seconds and stared at the page with a dubious look of indignation on his face.

"_Man-dress?!_" He bellowed, sending a string of spit flying across and landing on his beloved laptop. He carefully wiped it away and sneered at the screen. "This. . . Spark of the forgotten person will certainly be hearing from me, when I get out of this stinking cavern!"

Pitch glowered at the computer, then pulled it closer and began to read again.

xXx

_Abruptly, I realize that all of the other horses have stopped circling Boogerman. They're watching me with flaming eyes, their bodies tensed, pawing the ground with their hooves. The horse that I'm dragging is starting to seriously fidget, which probably means that either it has to go to the bathroom or it wants to kill me. "Whoa, shadow-horsie," I mutter. "Think happy thoughts. Um… shadow-rainbows. Or a pretty shadow-unicorn. Or… something." Frantically digging through my backpack, I find what I need._

_I turn back to Boogerman, grinning what I'm sure is a majorly evil grin. "This is how you teach a shadow-horse to behave," I say, and then I begin._

_By the time I was finished with the unlucky shadow-horse, all of the other horses understood to mind their manners. I probably would, too, if my fellow shadow-horse got duct-taped to the wall, its mane braided with pink ribbons, its side reading "FREDRICK" in orange magic-marker. Yes, Fredrick. It just feels fitting, somehow. Despite the fact that I had to use him as an example, I think I kind of… like him. If he were something tamer, like a stray puppy, I would probably take him home with me._

_xXx_

Three minutes later, he was back to eyebrow-raising again. "She duct-taped one of my shadow-horses to a wall and braided it's mane with pink ribbons?" He asked, slightly impressed. His character seemed to be thinking along the same lines because he said, 'not bad.'

Pitch allowed himself a small smile, then as he read on, the smile slowly turned into a grimace and he glowered angrily at the screen. "She named it _Fredrick_? And what is this about old potato-hands? My skin is grey. Potatoes are brown. She must be color-blind or something."

Slowly but steadily he kept reading. He got enraged at the part about cliche super-villains, and he almost laughed when she asked to call him 'old man'.

"If I'd have been at full power, you would be dust for even thinking about calling me that!" He sneered.

Pitch read on and when he got to the part about fighting with the Nightmares, he winced. "She had one of them _bite_ me?" He said, rubbing his read end at the thought of it. Pitch grimaced, but read on. He stopped a moment later when there was another mention of his stylish mustache.

"Oh for the love of-" He said, glowering. "I do _not_ have a mustache! And _neither_ do I look french!" He read the last few sentences with a sneer on his face.

xXx

_"I might not know what you're going through, but I'll be here for you if you need me. Nobody should have to go it alone."_

_He just watches me. It reminds me of the kids I babysit, and I mean the little ones. He looks like a child._

_"We share the pain," I say. "You don't have to go it alone, Boog– Pitch."_

_His gold eyes are intense, but the fire is gone from them. Without a word, he extends his arm. Our fingers interlock, and I lift him to his feet._

_He smiles. More than anything else, he suddenly looks… human. "Thank you… Haley."_

xXx

"Pathetic. As If I, the Nightmare King, would break down and _cry_, in front of a _human_, no less. This _Sparks_ person is getting the foulest nightmare I can whip up!" He vowed, clicking the **next** button.

The minute the page loaded, he began to read. He made it about three paragraphs before he gasped and winced.

"This person certainly takes their writing seriously," Pitch said, reading the paragraph again.

The paragraph itself wasn't so good, but the content was what made him wince. Apparently this child thought it necessary to kick him, where, in her own words, 'no man should be kicked – yep, _that place_.' He winced again and decided to wait and read the rest later.

Pitch shut down his computer, bookmarking the story and went to his own private room, where he fell asleep and had his own nightmare of that entire story really happening!

* * *

**Well? Not bad for my first one-shot. It doesn't have to be, by the way. If I get enough reviews by the end of next month, I'll make it a two-shot.**

**And by enough reviews, I mean more than twenty. **

**Peace out, laugh, cry, review, frolic with Fredrick, the sparkly Nightmare, whatever.**

**Incidentally, I have full permission from all the writers of these stories, so no, I'm not copying anything.**

**Regards, Mystichawk.**


	2. In Which The Guardians Find Fanfiction

**Okay, Okay, you talked me into it! This shall officially be more than a one-shot. I have, indeed, added a second chapter. It's this! **

**I have enjoyed the love and showers of reviews, people, and I've got to thank some people for them. Firstly, the three people who made this possible:**

**Fantasydreamer244, for her wonderful story and her contributes to this story. You are the best! **

**Starskulls, for her wonderful review and her even greater sense of humor. You rock!**

**And lastly, the crowning queen among writers, SPARK OF THE FORGOTTEN, for her side-splitting, knee-slapping, laugh-your-ass-off factory that is Cursed Luck. She gave me the inspiration for this story, and it is she who will no doubt go down in Fanfiction history as number one funniest story. I'll be lucky to make it to the one millionth spot.**

**Anyway, are we here to hear be blether about awesome writers, or to read? Here it is, all fresh and most likely full of typos. Read, review, laugh, cry, sing Kumbaya with Fredrick the shadow horse, whatever. **

* * *

Several hours earlier. . .

**The North Pole**

"Hey North! come on over here, mate!"

Bunnymund had been surfing the internet for about. . . since it was created, and so far, he viewed it as a virtual sea of trashy pictures, disgusting comments, and insane humans. He'd never found anything worth reading on the internet. Mostly because he had high standards and he liked _real_ books, rather than E-blogs. In fact, the only reason he bothered messing around on the web was because of the game sites he found. Ninjakiwi, Big Fish, etc. He loved the puzzle games and the arcade games.

Right now, however, he wasn't looking at a game or puzzle. He was looking at something that chilled his bones and made his fur stand on end.

He was looking at an animated rendition of himself.

"Vwat? Vwat? I am very busy, rabbit." North said, walking into the tiny room Bunny used when he was visiting North's toy shop.

Bunny turned around and said, "Look. Don't talk. Just look."

North gave bunny a queer look and Bunny jerked his head at the lap top he'd been using when he'd found the picture.

North moved past Bunny and bent down, peering at the screen. Bunny held his breath and wondered what North would say.

Finally, after three minutes of waiting, North stood up and said curiously, "What eez Rise of de Guardians?"

xxxXxxx

The next morning, after a fitful night dreaming about sparkly shadow-horses and duct-tape, Pitch woke up yelling, "No, duct-tape! Stay away from my eyebrows!"

When he calmed down and looked around, he let out a sigh of relief and fell back onto his black pillows, thankful that it was just a dream.

A few minutes later, he got up and donned his black robe. Then, after a quick comb-through of his not so spiky hair, he immediately sat down to his computer and pulled up the Fanfiction web page he'd seen last night.

The page displayed a different set of stories than before. _They must interchange every day,_ Pitch thought.

He yawned as he scrolled through the stories, reading their titles and rolling his eyes in disgust. All of them were about Jack Frost.

"Of _course,_" He groaned. "Is there nothing good on this stupid site?!"

He scrolled and scrolled, checking at least eleven pages of stories, but they were all junk. Nothing but Jack Frost, Jack Frost, Jack Frost.

After an hour, Pitch set down his mouse in defeat. "I give up!" He said. "I haven't found an single thing that is accurate _or_ interesting in this entire time!" Pitch was tired and, after all the reading he'd done, he decided to leave Fanfiction for a bit. He reasoned that there would be better stories in a few hours, and he also needed to do a few things besides.

Things like check the barrier for weak spots, or clean his lair. He detested it, but it had to be done.

Pitch stood up and started towards the cave entrance, but he stopped when he heard a tiny beeping noise behind him, coming from his computer. He walked back and sat back down, pulling it closer and peering at the screen.

It was on Fanfiction again, and it showed a new story had just come up in the list. One called-

"'The Boogeyman tries to understand Fanfiction?'" He said incredulously, staring at the title. The author was someone called Mystichawk.

Pitch knew he shouldn't. He knew that it was bound to be trash, but he just couldn't help himself.

"Yep. I'm addicted to this stuff." He said and so, against his better judgement, he clicked the title and waited for it to load.

The instant it did and started reading, he realized something that made his skin crawl.

This Mystichawk had been _watching_ him.

Right? How else could she know _exactly_ what he'd done the previous night? Either she was watching him, or someone was playing a tremendous cosmic joke. Pitch glanced around his cave, wondering where the cameras were planted. More importantly, how?! No human had ever come into his lair, thank darkness. Maybe she had snuck in while he was asleep or something. He shuddered at the thought.

"Regular humans have to deal with burglars. I have to deal with psychotic purple-haired Fanfiction writers who put up cameras in my caves." He said, sighing.

Would life get any more upside-down?

XXXXXXXXXX

Exactly four-thousand three hundred and seventy-six miles from Pitch's caves in Burgess, Pennsylvanian a tall purple-haired girl with thick black glasses sat at her computer-desk, smiling evilly. So he had found it. Good.

She -who, for personal protection reasons will be referred to as Mystichawk from here-on out- leaned back and bit into a Fuji apple. The sticky-sweet juice flowed from the bite and she licked her lips in anticipation. If Pitch Black thought this was bad, he hadn't seen _anything_ yet.

Mystichawk chewed carefully as she checked her Fanfiction account. One PM, and three new reviews. One review was for an Artemis Fowl Fanfic she'd been meaning to work on for several weeks -weeks which had turned into several months- another was for Season's Greetings, Jack Frost, and finally she found the one she was looking for.

_Dear Mystichawk,_ It read.

_I am shocked and frankly, slightly appalled at your portrayal of the Boogeyman as a hypersensitive, angry, pining. . . for lack of a better word, annoying, character. His over-reactions at the quote, "Details" are a high indication of a huge lack of a personal life for yourself. Besides, I have it on good authority that the Boogeyman is a highly intelligent, level-headed, charming, inspiring and all-around decent person. Your blatant slander of him is not appreciated or even well-written. Please refrain from writing any more of this arrant garbage. _

"Arrant garbage? Ouch." Mystichawk said, putting a hand over her heart. "Huge lack of personal life? Well, I won't dispute you there." Then she let out a laugh. "Intelligent? Charming? Huh. Also arrogant, insensitive, a complete pain in my ass, rude, a complete hottie and highly dramatic."

_And don't forget his immense ego. That's the one thing you two have in common, _Mystichawk's writer-brain said.

Mystichawk laughed. "Ego? _Me_? He's like the king of egos! Yeah, that's my new nick-name for him. 'Boogey-Wonderman' is being replaced by 'King of Egos'."

Mystichawk rolled her eyes at herself. _Great. Now I'm talking to myself. I think writing about Atlantis Complex is getting to me. You know, like when you watch or write something for a while and then after that something happens that you wrote or watched? It's called a cosmic hiccup. Things like that happen to me all the time. So now that I've been writing about MPD, I'm starting to _get _MPD. I wonder if I'll end up like Jean Grey_!

"Yeah. Sure. I'm gonna end up a super-powerful mutant that can move freaking bridges. Not likely." She said, snorting.

_Now I'd better get back to the cameras. See is he'd found them yet. _

XXXXXXXXXX

Pitch Black had not found the cameras yet. Nor was he very close. He was actually pacing the room, glancing every so often at his computer, wondering if there was a new chapter coming in for any of his storied yet. He was all the way at the other end of the cavern, tapping his very long grey finger on a table when he heard a tiny _*beep* _He flew over to the computer and practically wrenched the thing closer to him. He checked the screen. Nothing. Just a stupid commercial for toothpaste.

He stood up and turned away in disgust. "When is she going to write?!" He asked himself. He'd posted the review under a guest username only minutes before and he was fairly certain that on some level he knew he was being paranoid and irritable, but he didn't care. Someone was watching him. It was driving him crazy! He'd checked every nook and cranny in his caves. He'd even dug out one of those old-fashioned metal-detectors that a spelunker had used when he'd unexpectedly dropped by for a visit in seventeen eighty-six.

Pitch had scared the spelunker out of his wits and sent him packing, but he'd kept the metal-detector around for a novelty, bringing it out every so often when the World Wide Web had failed to provide him with anything interesting. He enjoyed bringing it near the Nightmares and hearing it buzz and whirr. It irritated them, so of course he kept it up until the shadow-horses got so fidgety that they had nearly kicked him in a very painful place.

But, despite using the metal-detector, (which didn't work, but Pitch didn't know that,) to search his caves, he'd found nothing but a bent paperclip and a quarter. He wondered suspiciously if it had been left by Toothiana as a warning. Just thinking about the tooth he'd lost to the rainbow fairy made his jaw ache.

Finally, after throwing the metal-detector against the wall, (twice,) he gave up searching and plunked, (there is no other word for it,) _plunked _himself down on his couch and decided to check his E-mail. He hadn't done it that morning, he remembered. He had been to preoccupied with the Fanfiction site.

He logged in, (using the username EvilKingofDarkness27,) scrolled down and was highly surprised to find not one, but two E-mails waiting for him.

Without thinking, he clicked on the first.

A large window popped up and Pitch saw lines of text begin to appear.

"'Dear Pitch Black,'" He read aloud. "'My name is XXXXX, but you know me better as Mystichawk. I have indeed been watching you and I must say, your lack of appreciation for my story and those stories I mentioned in my one-shot, THE BOOGERMAN TRIES TO UNDERSTAND FANFICTION, highly offends me. Granted, the scenes of lovey-doviness, (a phrase which I have coined and you will have to pay me fifty thousand dollars to use,) were a little bit much, but suck it up! Yes, That's it. I'm abandoning all proper decorum of E-mails and giving it to you straight. (translation: To hell with it. I'm telling you what you need to know.) Your character is a gnarly, mean, stuck-up, (albeit incredibly hot and I'm not afraid to admit this,) loser who is all cry-baby about how he's been stuck under beds and in closets his whole eternal life. Well I got two words to say to you, Pitch Black: Crew _up_!

Yeah, that's right. I said it. Suck it up and take it like a man. Boogerman. Whatever! You know what I mean! Heck, If I had your job, I'd be relishing it! Forget the Guardians! I'd be _happy_ in the dank and dark. Heck, if you want some time off, I'll be happy with being your replacement-_ Cough,_ I mean, assistant. I'd have my own place, though. Preferably somewhere furnished with purple. Yeah, there's no freaking way I'm gonna be cooped up in those abominable caves! I've read _those_ kind of stories, so don't even think about it! Sorry. I'm getting off track here. (But seriously, if you want me as a replacement- I mean, assistant, I'll send in a résumé.)'"

Pitch stopped, staring in disbelief at the page. That was all there was, but it was plenty for him to think about.

"OK, first of all, That's a typo!" He said angrily, pointing at the word BOOGERMAN in caps. He supposed it might be accidental, but he had a sneaking suspicion that it was deliberate. "Secondly, I'm _not_ paying you every time I say lovey-doviness. It's not even a word, so you can't coin it you grammatically incorrect lunatic. Thirdly, _cry-baby?! _I am Pitch Black, ruler of Nightmares, King of the darkness! I do not act like a cry-baby!"

Pitch heard a beep and he found that there was another new message in his inbox. He opened it and read aloud, "'Incidentally, do stop being such a grand-stander. Monologuing is fine, but too much is just _too much_!'"

Pitch glanced upward where he imagined the cameras that he could not see were winking at him, and the girl Mystichawk was laughing. He groaned and shook his fist at the ceiling. "When I get out of here-"

There was another beep. Another message. He opened it and read, "'Didn't I ask you to stop monologuing? Empty threats are fine, since I know for sure that you can't get out of here, but enough with the _monologuing! _Please!'"

Pitch groaned. She was baiting him. But he would not rise to it. He would not!_  
_

Another beep. Another message.

'"Anyway, I'm serious about the résumé thing. I love scary movies, I can't get enough Halloween, and I own all five Saw movies on Blu-ray! How much more into the darkness can you get?!'"

Pitch frowned, wondering what Blu-ray was. He'd seen Saw and Halloween numerous times and had laughed throughout all the movies.

_ Another_ beep. _Another_ message.

"'In case you're wondering, Blu-ray is a "new way to introduce movies", or at least that's what the ads say.'"

Now she was writing his thoughts. Great.

Another beep. This was getting tiresome.

'"Now, back to my original point: You got the most awesome job in the world! Scaring the freaking pants off people! Enjoy it! Don't always be focused on, 'Oh, I'm all alone, I'm so misunderstood, I'm the big bad Boogerman.' Crew up and enjoy your life! Seriously, you get to be alone for the rest of your freaking life, you don't have people bugging you, etc. So you aren't believed in. So what?! Like you said, 'Fear can't die. Even if there's the tiniest sliver of it in one place in all the world, it will endure,' or something. Let's face it, you're not very poetic. You're probably going to still be around when the sun stops orbiting or when humans grow wings; giving nightmares, creeping people out, doing what you do best! Really, man, I got the utmost sympathy for you. Being alone sucks for someone who doesn't like it. To long for a family and whatever, but come_ on_! How can you not enjoy an existence like that?!'"

Pitch frowned. He hadn't really thought about it that way.

"I guess I _have_ always been focused on how the Guardians get their special days in the sun. All of them, even blasted Jack Frost, get's believers. Why should I need them?"

Pitch stood up, his grouchy face disbanded for now. "I can scour the globe, spreading nightmare and fear wherever I go! Be damn those insufferable Guardians. She's right! Fear will always endure, because you cannot kill fe-" He was cut off by another beep.

Another message.

He opened it and read aloud, "'For the third and final time, _stop monologuing!_ I'm glad I made you so happy, but _please, _dispense with your noise!'"

He smiled and waved up at the ceiling. "Monologuing halted." He said, chuckling.

Beep. Message.

"'Good.'"

Pitch sighed and sank down in his seat. He felt better than he had in hundreds of years! He felt like charging out of his cave and taking the world by Nightmare. He felt like-

Pitch froze, looking at the screen intently. Something had just occurred to him that made his confident/evil smile droop.

"What's the bleeding point of giving me all this encouragement, you stupid human?! I CAN'T LEAVE MY CAVES!"

Beep.

"'Bravo. I was wondering when you'd catch on.'"

Pitch felt like strangling Mystichawk. He felt like flying to her place instantly and choking her with her own mouse cord.

Beep.

"'My mouse is cordless, you idjit.'"

She was reading his thoughts! Again!

Beep.

"'Yup. I'm good at predicting things and reading facial expressions. Let me guess, right now you're thinking, 'Once I get out of this blasted cave I'm going to give this blasted human the most horrible nightmare I can think of!'"

Once I get out of this blasted cave I'm going to give this blasted human the most horrible nightmare I can think of.

Beep.

'"See? I was right!'"

Pitch groaned and dropped his face into his hands. "So what do you want? Really?" He asked from between his hands. "I'm fairly certain all these mind games, which is my department, by the way, aren't all for nothing."

Beep.

"'You're right. They do have a purpose. The purpose is: It's better to write about a genius writer and a nervous Boogerman who is arguing with a computer than a nervous Boogerman just pacing his cave, waiting for a fanfiction writer to reply to his Review. Much more entertaining for the reader.'"

Pitch was frozen, staring at the screen in horror. All this, the endless messages back and forth, the stupid mind games, they'd all been to provide another chapter for THE BOOGEYMAN TRIED TO UNDERSTAND FANFICTION?!

Beep.

'"Yes indeedie-doo! It was fun talking to you, Boogerman. Oh and, incidentally, it wasn't a typo. Bye now! Be sure to review!'"

Pitch let out a deranged howl and threw himself onto the floor, screaming with anger.

XXXXXXXXXX

Mystichawk, nearly five-thousand miles away, was laughing her ass off at her computer desk. She'd tricked the Boogeyman! She'd pulled an honest-to-darkness joke on the honest-to-darkness _Boogeyman_! She felt like popping open a bottle of Mountain Dew to celebrate!

"Oh hohoho, heeeheheheheee!" She giggled, nearly wetting herself with joyous mirth. "Ha HA! That was the best stunt I've ever pulled!"

She could barely speak. Her throat was dry and she had to swallow several times to stop an attack of hiccups.

"But I'm not done yet," She said, smiling.

She was still giggling to herself three minutes later, after she'd sent a last message to Pitch. The message read, "One last thing: don't forget to read the other E-mail in your inbox. I have a feeling it's vitally important."

Then she'd sent one more E-mail to someone called FthrXmas108. It contained only one line of text.

"Fanfiction. net. Rise of the Guardians. The Boogeyman tries to understand Fanfiction. From, a friend."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Several hundred thousand miles from Mystichawk's tiny one-room apartment.

It was about three hours before Mystichawk had sent Pitch her first E-mail and Bunnymund was still at the North Pole, reading up on the Rise of the Guardians movie.

"Hey North, did you know they cast a real Aussie to do my voice for this movie?"

"No, Bunny I didn't." North was bustling around the workshop, trying to herd the elves somewhere they couldn't make nuisances of themselves. "Do dey say who did my voice?"

Bunny types a few word in ant North's wiki page popped up. "I'll say they did. They got a whole wiki page on you, mate!"

That got North's attention. He turned around and ran to the computer, his eyes alive with excitement. "Really? I have my own viki page? Ooh, vat does it say? Vat does it say?" He was peering over Bunny's shoulder like an excited three-year-old.

"Calm down, ya gumbie! You're foggin' up me screen!" Carefully Bunny wiped the computer flat-screen with one paw and clicked North's wiki page.

"'North is an immense man; tall, buff, and a little rotund. He has bright blue eyes, thick black eyebrows, and a long white beard and mustache. He customarily wears a black fur hat, a long red coat with black fur trim, and a red plaid shirt. He has the words "naughty" and "nice" are tattooed on each forearm respectively and also carries two swords strapped to his waist when away from home.'"

Bunny stopped for a moment to glance back at North, who was dancing around his toy shop in glee.

"What a clown." He muttered. "Do ya want me to stop or what?" he hollered across the room.

North stopped laughing like a school-boy and ran right over. "No, no, keep going!"

Bunny sighed. "Alright ya gumbie. 'Personality: North is a warrior with a heart of gold. Fierce, demanding, and impulsive, everything about him is larger than life. For North, nothing is impossible as long as he believes in it.' Yep. That's you mate."

North started dancing around the shop again and Bunny thought he saw a few tiles fall off the roof.

"Yaaaa-IEty, deity dia dia dum. Ya doo dut da deedle deedle dum!" North sang, pulling out his swords and doing some fancy Russian sword tricks and prancing around the workshop as he did.

"North, the bloody building's gonna fall down! Cut it out!" Bunny yelled, stuffing his paws in his ears.

North froze, right in the middle of another "deedle deedle dum" And looked at Bunny curiously. "Vat you mean building eez going to fall? This place eez built from solid gold! It can vifstand more dan my singing."

Bunny tentatively pulled his paws out of his ears and muttered, "Yeah, maybe, but my ears won't."

North laughed and Bunny could've sworn another tile fell off the roof. "Da. Rabbits are so nervous," He said wiggling his thick fingers at Bunny. "Nervous and fidgety. Dat's why dey are treated like cute leetle balls of fluff."

Bunny growled. "I thought we agreed to never speak of that?!"

North chuckled. "Eez only us here, Bunny. Relax. And keep reading!"

Bunny sighed and turned back to the computer. "Fine, but after this I'm gonna check mine. If _you've_ got a wiki then I've got a wiki too and I wanna see how good they made me look."

North waved his words away and said, "Come on, hurry up!"

Bunny sighed and said, "Fine. 'Powers and abilities: North is a strong and powerful man. He is a master swordsman and he consider himself the best in the world. His skill in swordsmanship are so advanced that the Man in the Moon and Ombric trusted him with one of the Relics, Tsar Lunar XI's Sword.'" Bunny froze. "Hey, I remember that! Santoff Clausen."

North nodded, the happiness draining from his face. It was replaced by confusion and maybe even a touch of anger. "Vere did zey get information like dat?" He asked slowly, re-reading the paragraph.

"Beats me, mate.' Bunny said, shrugging.

North stroked his beard, thinking. "Hmm. Vell, vatever it vas, I'll figure it out later. Go on."

Bunny rolled his eyes and began again. "'He also has been trained in magic by Ombric. His skills in magic were so great that Ombric himself said that North may have surpass him already.'" Bunny stopped, remembering Ombric. He'd been a nice bloke. A little eager and that eagerness had nearly killed him once, when he'd tried to fly, but Bunnymund had grabbed him and saved his life before he could hit the ground.

North was also thinking about Ombric. He'd been a good friend to him, and an even greater teacher. North had never met a greater man.

Bunny, desperate to get to his wiki, started reading again."'North has an ability to find the wonder in everything around him which helps him in his creation of toys and inventions. He is able to combine magic with his inventions which ends with amazing results like Djinn Robot.' I remember that blasted thing!" Bunny said, wiggling his nose. "Pitch possessed it!"

North nodded. "Bunny, you can go to yours now. I haf a few things I need to think about."

Bunny turned around in his swivel chair and said indignantly, "Oh come _on_! I read through your wiki, now you have to sit and listen to mine. That's the way it works."

North sighed, knowing the rabbit wasn't going to give up, so he grabbed a large chair and pulled it up.

Bunny typed in his name and found the wiki page instantly.

"E. Aster Bunnymund. Lord I hate my name," Bunny said glowering at the page. "And the picture has me too short! I'm at least a foot taller than that!"

North crowded closer to read Bunny's wiki. "A mythological Pooka who travels de galaxy, E. Aster Bunnymund specializes in making delicious chocolates—and battling evil. Part sorcerer, part ninja, and completely brilliant, Bunnymund eez hard to find but vell worth de search.' Huh. Dey got you pretty good. Except for de sorcerer bit.  
'Bunnymund eez de _Rise of the Guardians_ re-imagining of de Easter Bunny, speaking with an Australian accent and known as de Guardian of Hope. Bunnymund eez a Pooka, a philosophical varrior rabbit, and used to live vith de other Pookas of his village before dey were viped out, leaving him as de only survivor. He currently lives in his Varren, an oasis deep under de surface of Australia dat eez said to be de birthplace of spring.' Huh. Dat's interesting."

Bunny shrugged. "Originally, yes, I was a sorcerer. Then I hung up the fancy capes and wands for some real action."

North noticed he didn't mention the Pookas. He knew it was a sore spot for him, being the only one of his kind left on the planet.

North scrolled down and then he groaned. "I can't read dis."

Bunnymund shot him a puzzled look. "Why? It's not that bad, is it?"

North shook his head. "No, eez not that. I can't read it because I can't see de vords!" North looked over his shoulder and said something in Yetish. It sounded like, "Gruquvargle, nigva hofda protved." Immediately, one of the Yetis jogged over, carrying a small box. North took it and said thank you in Yetish, and then turned back to Bunny.

Bunny was trying to hide a snicker, but he wasn't succeeding. "Why do you need glasses, mate?"

North opened the box and took out a pair of silver-framed oval spectacles. "Just for reading. My eyes aren't vat they used to be."

Bunny snickered and they both turned back to the wiki page.

"Dere. Dat's better." North said contently. "Now, 'Personality: Bunnymund eez a cool, calm Australian as dry as de Outback. A natural ranger, he eez a rough and tumble protector of nature. He follows nature's rhythms and ven it's time to spring into action he vaits for the perfect moment to act. Ven he finally does, eez all over in a heart beat vith the help of his exploding eggs and enchanted boomerangs. Bunny eez completely unflappable. De only thing that does get under his skin eez North's constant ribbing about how Christmas eez more important than Easter.' vich it eez." North muttered.

"Is not!" Bunny protested.

"Eez so."

"Is not!"

"Eez so!"

"Is _not!_"

"It eez so and you know it!" North said, turning back to the wiki and ignoring the huffs and protests of the Bunny, much to Bunnymund's annoyance.

"Powers and abilities: Besides having de abilities of a rabbit, such as possessing great agility and jump great distances, Bunnymund has de power to control flora growth and open holes to underground tunnels by tapping his foot on the ground. Dis allows him to travel anyvhere in the vorld in a matter of seconds. He himself claims to be a master of Tai Chi, he masterfully vields his enchanted boomerangs, and often keeps a few explosive Easter eggs on paw.'"

Bunny stroked his tufts of facial hair and said, "Not bad. Not bad. Are the rest of them in their too?"

North shrugged. "I don't know how to vork dis confounded machine. You ask it." He said, shoving the mouse at Bunny.

Bunny sighed. "You make millions of toys for children all around the world and you can't take some time off to figure out how to work a blasted computer?"

North huffed. "As you should very vell know, I don't _get_ time off!"

Bunny sighed and types in Sandy's name. Then Tooth's. Then Jack's.

Several minutes later. . .

"Bloody 'ell, mate! We're all on here! Even that wanker Pitch has a wiki!"

North frowned. "Just how popular eez dis movie?"

Bunny types in a few words and then sat back, letting out an astonished whistle. "2.8 million dollars. That's how popular it is. That's how much it made at the box office!"

"Rimsky Korsakov!" North said, wiping his forehead. "Dat's more than the movie about sparkly vampires you vere trying to get me to vatch."

Bunny nodded. "Yeah. Man, that explains why I feel so chipper. Plenty of ankle-biters watched this when it came out in theaters, and the more kids watch it, the more believers we get!"

North let out a whoop and stood up, heading for the Aurora Borealis switch that called the northern lights. "Come on Bunny! Ve've got to send for the others! Dey're going to love this!"

Bunny was right behind him, wondering who they'd got to play him. He'd seen a name, but it didn't look familiar. Harvey something, or Harold. Whatever. He'd figure it out sooner or later.

North threw the switch and ten seconds later, the northern lights blazed in the sky.

* * *

Thirty thousand miles away in London, England, Toothiana saw the lights and ordered Baby Tooth to take over for a little while. If North was calling them all, it must be important.

* * *

Ninety-seven thousand miles away, Sandy was delivering a dream to triplets in Bolivia. He saw the lights and, after making sure the little children were safe, flew out to his dream-sand plane and put on his pilot's goggles, gunned the throttle, and sped off into the night sky.

* * *

Ten thousand miles away, Jack, who was busy decorating the window of a child's room in Canada, looked up from his work and saw the lights. North was calling them? To the North Pole? Now? It must be seriously important. He picked up his staff and, with a last quick look at is drawing on the frosty window, jumped off the windowsill and surfed through the air and into the night.

* * *

Pitch, who, despite not being a Guardian, still was able to feel the Aurora Borealis when it lit up the night sky, frowned, wondering what the Guardians would need to meet for.

* * *

_Author's note: This was before he discovered his wiki, people. Just letting you know._

* * *

Back at the pole, half an hour later, all the Guardians were gathered around North's computer.

"Oh, they drew my feathers so perfectly!" Tooth cooed. "And my teeth! Oh, they're just gorgeous."

Sandy made a little image of himself with his sand whips and a brave grin on his face.

Tooth patted his head. "Of course, Sandy. You are a brave warrior. And look at my teeth!"

Sandy sighed and the image vanished, replaced by one of Tooth staring in a mirror with her lips puckered up.

"Sandy!" Tooth said indignantly.

Sandy waved his hand and Tooth's puckered lips changed to a very wide smile, showing almost all of her teeth.

Tooth rolled her eyes. "I am _not_ narcissistic. Not that much, anyway."

North and Bunny laughed.

"Hey, so where's mine?" Jack asked, elbowing past Bunny. "You guys each got one. I wanna see mine!"

Bunny sighed and said, "Fine. If I must." And he clicked on Jack's Wiki.

The page loaded and Jack ran a hand through his white hair. "Dang. I _do_ look good in anime."

Bunny laughed. "Oh sure, frostbite. You're the best-looking one here. Compared to the Yetis."

Bunny heard a loud growl behind them and turned to see Phil, the head Yeti, give Bunny the evil-eye and punch his hand with his fist.

"Sorry mate." Bunny said, not wanting to go against a yeti like Phil. Yetis were built like piles of bricks; you couldn't knock one down without using a wrecking ball.

Phil gave him the, _I'm watching you _look and lumbered off.

Bunny let out a sigh of relief and turned back to the others, who were laughing.

"Come on Jack. Read it aloud. We already read through mine and Sandy's." Tooth said excitedly.

Jack elbowed Bunny out of the swill chair and sat down, putting his bare feet up on the table. Then he leaned his staff against the table and began to read.

"'Jackson Overland "Jack" Frost.' That's me! 'is an immortal supernatural being much like the Guardians. Unlike the others, however, he is a loner,'" Jack stopped and frowned, sitting up and focusing on the screen, reading more carefully. "'the classic rebel without a cause, sarcastic and mischievous. He has incredible control over ice and the cold. He is a spirit of games and fun times, but when at last he discovered the purpose behind his amazing powers, he became a true Guardian, representing Fun.' Huh." Jack said, smiling. "That's me alright."

Bunny leaned in and started to read Jack's personality. When Jack objected, Bunny said, "We already know what you look like, Frostbite."

Jack rolled his eyes and leaned back, hanging onto Bunny's every word.

"'Jack Frost is a mischievous teenage hellion who has no interest in being bound by rules or obligations, and rather instead favors spreading his winter magic for the sake of the personal amusement of himself and children. Despite these traits, Jack is also gentle and generous.'" he stopped and laughed. "Mischievous teenage hellion. That's our frostbite! I dunno about the gentle and generous bit though. . ."

"Oh go suck an egg, Rabbit." Jack said, flicking his staff at Bunny's behind and getting a satisfying twitch in return.

Bunny was about to retaliate with an egg bomb in the face, but Tooth began reading again and he and Jack stopped to listen.

"'The source of Jack's anti-social behavior towards the Guardians and refusal to adhere to rules was mostly because of his frustration with the Man in the Moon never answering his questions about who he was or why he was created, and also because no human, child or adult, was able to see him for centuries for no one had believed in him. But as Jack spends time in the Guardians' company, each individual would have an effect on him that would change him from a mischief-making winter spirit to a full-fledged Guardian in his own right, as well a hero.'"

Tooth frowned, glancing at Jack. "That's why you never talked to us, before?"

Jack shrugged. "I guess. I didn't really focus on my whole 'loner' problem for a long time. I was just happy being me."

Tooth frowned and was about to start again when North put a hand on her shoulder and said, "Eez my turn."

Tooth shot him an irritated glance, but North began again before she could argue. "It vas his refusal to give up in the face of overvhelming odds dat enabled him to help one child, Jamie, keep his beliefs in all of the Guardians as vell as finally believe in Jack enough to see him. And it vas his desire to protect Jamie, as he once did his sister, that helped him realize his center, as a Guardian, eez Fun. Jack proudly accepted de duties and responsibilities as de Guardian of Fun. His purpose, to spread de feelings of Fun and Joy so as to spread happiness to bolster de faith children have in de Guardians.' Dere, you see?" North said, turning to Jack and ruffling his hair. "You _are_ a Guardian. And a very good vun at that!"

Jack pushed his hand away and smiled. "Yeah, unless you mess with my hair."

Several of the little fairies hovering around Tooth nearly fainted when he mentioned his hair and Tooth had to catch them, scolding. "Now girls. Let's not disgrace the uniform."

Bunny laughed and said, "Well? What else have we got on frostbite? Anything black-mail worthy?"

Jack gave him another jolt with his staff on the behind and the rabbit jumped in his seat.

"Frost!" Bunny said, lunging at Jack. Jack jumped up and flew away, dancing on air. "Nyah nyah, can't catch me!"

Bunny shook his fist at the young Guardian and said, "One of these days, I'm gonna get you back for that!"

Jack floated down to the ground and said, "Yes, I'm sure you'll show me the awesome extent of your flower power. Until then, let's see what else there is about me." And he dropped down into the swivel chair, grabbing hold of the mouse and scrolling down. "Powers and abilities. Blah. Relationships. Ah, now let's see what the rest of the world thinks of me!"

Bunny sighed and muttered, "That's not for the rest of the world, mate. it's about the rest of us and you."

Jack shrugged. "What could it hurt." And he began reading. "'Jack and Bunnymund have a long rivalry with each other that presumably began in '68 when Jack caused a blizzard on Easter Sunday, resulting in Bunny holding a grudge against him. Bunnymund was the only one who objected to bringing Jack into the fold of the Guardians and Jack never wasted a chance to irritate or tease Bunnymund, who in turn rubbed salt into Jack's emotional wound of children not believing in him. They were competitive towards each other, seen during the Guardians collecting the teeth (with Jack blasting Bunnymund with frost, and Bunnymund making Jack fall into one of his holes). However, Jack helped all of the Guardians who, despite protecting children, never spent time with them, to become closer to them, particularly for Bunnymund who grew a soft spot for little Sophie, Jamie's younger sister. Bunnymund was touched to learn that Jack helped Jamie continue to believe in him, and they finally became true friends as Bunnymund watched in pride and gratitude when the Guardians officially welcomed Jack into their fold after Pitch's defeat.'"

He stopped and turned to look at bunny with a ridiculous look on his face. "Awe, Bunny, you _do_ care! Give me a hug you big ball of fluff, you!"

And before he knew what hit him, Bunny had the wind knocked out of him when Jack flung his arms around his furry torso and squeezed, subtly letting frost creep out of his fingertips and around to Bunny's back where they formed the words _"Kick me"_

The rest of the Guardians burst out laughing and Tooth even let out a very unladylike snort which she covered up with a cough.

"Awwwww," They cooed. Bunny just glared daggers at them over Jack's white hair and tried to push the small Guardian away. "Alright, alright Jack, that's enough. Jack, Leggo."

Jack shook his head, trying very hard to hide his grin. "No, Bunny. You accepted me. That is the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me! I gotta hug you!" Jack clung tighter, adding to his trick by making icicles form on top of Bunny's head in a curved way, making him look like a demon Bunny.

"Jack, let go! Someone get this dingo off me!" Bunny hollered, causing another bout of laughter to ensue.

Jack finally did let go, but only when he'd successfully given Bunny demon horns, the kick me, several shiny ice piercings in his large ears, an ice tail hoop-ring, and a pair of ice tattoos on his shoulder blades that said, "I'm a Bunny. Fear me."

Bunny, however, was completely oblivious to this until Tooth came up behind him and attempted to take several pictures with an old camera that North had hanging around his shop.

"Tooth, what the-" Bunny said as she turned him around and started taking pictures. Then he felt the ice begin to melt and he knew what Jack had done.

"Jack, I'm gonna kill you!" He said, hopping after the Guardian and chasing him around the room.

Tooth laughed and happily clicked away, taking picture after picture of Bunny in his ridiculous attachments.

"Did you get de tail hoop?" North asked.

"I got it." Tooth said, giving him a smart salute.

"I'm gonna kill ya! I really am this time, Frost!" Shouted the rapidly melting Bunny as he chased after the flying boy.

Sandy was rolling on the floor, laughing. North was leaning against the swivel-chair, trying to catch his breath. Tooth was photographing the entire incident and wondering if she should start making a scrapbook in her spare time.

Bunny chased Jack all around the castle, Jack and the rest of the Guardians laughing all the while, until they finally ended up back in the main hall where North and Sandy were flat on their backs, snorting and laughing. Well, North was snorting and laughing. Sandy was giggling silently and Tooth was perched on the mantlepiece, taking pictures of North and Sandy. She didn't know that the film had run out of the camera long since.

Jack flew in and Bunny hopped towards the closest chair. "Gee whiz, frostbite. You been holdin' back on me when we've raced?"

Jack floated behind Bunny's chair and shook his head. "Nah. I've just got more stamina. Rabbits may be fast, but they can't stay fast for too long." He smirked.

Bunny inclined his head, but there was a mischievous look in his eye. "Fair point." Bunny carefully swerved the chair until he was facing jack and said, "The only come back I have is-" And suddenly he made a grab for Jack. Jack tried to duck away, but Bunny grabbed onto his hoodie and pulled him down. In the blink of an eye, Bunny had him in a headlock. "This." Bunny said, and then proceeded to relentlessly noogie Jack. Jack tried to resist, but the rabbit's paws here too strong and, for ten minutes straight, Jack just hung limply as Bunny noogied and cackled with glee.

"There. Now we're even." Bunny released Jack with a satisfied smile on his face. Jack pulled away, rubbing his scalp.

"Ow. That hurt."

Bunny snorted. "Oh crew up, snowflake. You haven't even _see_ me in my prime noogieing form."

Jack bit back a reply and turned to North and Sandy, who were recovering from their giggle-fest. "Need a hand, old man?" He asked, walking over and holding out his own pale hand. North took it and, with quite a lot of effort, Jack managed to get North to his feet. Sandy got up with no help needed and pointed to Bunny and Jack, then made a sand image of Bunny standing in front of Jack. His meaning was plain.

"Yeah, he treats me more like a brother than a co-worker." Jack said, giving the little golden man a low-five.

"Yeah, and you treat me more like an emotional punching bag than a brother!" Bunny retorted, but inside he was touched by Jack's admittance that he was like a brother to him.

Jack shrugged. "No one else rises to my insults like you do, Bun ol' boy."

Bunny bristled. "_Don't_ call me that."

Jack was about to reply when they all heard a loud beeping noise. Everyone instantly turned to North, who shrugged. "Eez nothing of mine," He said, frowning.

The beeping continued and they all looked around the room, wondering what was making such an irritating noise.

Sandy was the first one to spot it. The computer was the thing making the noise and, rather than go through being ignored until he had to make a loud noise, like he had the day when Manny had chosen Jack as a Guardian, Sandy flew up in front of North and grabbed his white beard.

"Sandy! Hey, vat are you-" But Sandy just ignored him, floating over to the computer and pulling North in tow by the beard. The others followed him, looking perplexed until Sandy stopped at the table, pointing at the screen. North raised an eyebrow. "Eez the computer making all dat noise? Sandy, vwy didn't you just say so? There was no need to grab my beard."

Sandy let out two little puffs of sand from his ears, like a train exhaust, and started making a bunch of pictures. A calendar. A moon. A picture of Tooth, Bunny and North talking. A tiny sand Jack.

"Oh. Eh-he. Sorry Sandy." North said. "Last time he tried to get our attention for something like dis was the day ve discovered you were a Guardian." He said, by way of an explanation to Jack. "Poor Sandy kept trying to varn us, but ve were arguing about petty things. My sincerest apologies, Sandy."

Sandy smiled and waved the apology away, but secretly he was glad that they had said it. Instead, he pointed to the computer again.

North sat down and started fiddling with the knobs and pushing buttons. "Bunny, you understand these contraptions better than I do. You figure out why it's beeping." North said, exasperatedly after sitting down and trying to find the source or reason for the noise for at least twenty minutes.

Bunny nodded, sliding into the seat and typing in a few words.

They all watched expectantly, waiting. Then Bunnymund let out a surprised whistle. "Hey North, looks like you have an E-mail"

North frowned. "A vat?"

"An E-mail, ya gumbie. You remember that E-mail account I set up for ya. Well, someone sent you something. Let's see what it is, shall we?"

North shrugged. "Probably just advertisement." He muttered.

But the others were curious. Who would send North an E-mail?

Bunny opened in and said, "It's from someone named Mystichawk."

Jack frowned. "Now I've heard some weird names in my time, but this one takes the cake. Who on earth names their kid _Mystichawk_?"

Bunny laughed. "It's not their real name, ya gumbie. It's their _username_."

Now Jack was thoroughly confused. "Then why does it say Mystichawk instead of her real name?"

Bunny sighed. "For personal protection, people don't use their names when doing stuff on the web. They don't give out their phone numbers or their addresses or their real names. It's just common sense."

"Oh." Jack said, getting it now. "Hey," He said, grinning. "What's your E-mail North?"

North coughed and said, "Ahem. Ah, I don't know."

Bunny rolled his eyes. "You do too! It's FthrXmas108."

Jack and Tooth burst out laughing. North's face reddened and he said indignantly, "Vat's wrong with my E-mail name?"

That just prompted another bout of laughing and North made a face that reminded Bunny of a pouting five-year-old.

"Read it," Tooth said hovering over Bunny's shoulder. Literally. Her wings beat so fast that they looked like a blur.

Bunny nodded and turned back to the screen. "Okay. It says, 'Fanfiction. net. Rise of the-' Hey! That's the name of the movie! Rise of the Guardians."

Tooth frowned. "The name of the movie that has us all in it?"

Bunny nodded. "Yeah. 'Rise of the Guardians. The Boogeyman tries to understand Fanfiction.'"

North frowned and said, "Vat de heck eez dat?" But Bunny had a mischievous grin on his face and twinkle in his eyes.

"What is it?" Asked Jack, who knew that look. Bunny had found something interesting.

"Hang on mates. I'll show ya!" Bunny said, his paws flying across the keyboard. In less than a second, the Google search engine was up and Bunny typed in **Fanfiction. net.**

The page loaded in less than a second and Bunny flipped through the virtual pages, searching for something. Everyone watched, wondering what in the world Bunny was on to.

Ten seconds later, he had found it. "Ha! There it is!" He said proudly, leaning back in his chair and letting the others take a look. He was on a big blue page with the words: THE BOOGEYMAN TRIES TO UNDERSTAND FANFICTION, written in bit caps letters.

"What is it?" Tooth asked, peering at the screen.

"It's a story." Bunny said, and they all crowded around to read.

Thirty minutes later, they were all howling with laughter.

"Pitch- Pitch has nightmares ab- about sparkly Nightmares?" Jack managed to squeak out in between laughs.

"Oh my feathers, that is so funny! North, Bunny, write a review! Quickly!" Tooth said, spinning head over heels with laughter.

North was currently incapacitated because he, and Sandy, were on the floor again, letting out silents peals of laughter and great booming guffaws.

"Great egg whites," Bunny said, pounding the floor with his foot. It was a rabbit's version of slapping their knees. "I never thought I could laugh so hard in my entire life!"

North was unable to speak and Sandy just made a bunch of quotes from the story in golden sand above his head.

_'BOOGERMAN!' _was one of the most hilarious, along with _'"__Man-dress?!_"' and _'__"They've made a movie for those cretins?!"' _He also did a picture of Pitch with an incredibly exaggerated french mustache that was about ten inches long. Everyone cracked up.

"Good one Sandy!" Bunny said, giving the tiny Guardian the thumbs up.

Tooth was still somersaulting in mid-air, laughing.

Jack was floating about ten feet above the ground, not doing much better than Tooth. Of course, instead of just turning head over heels, like her, Jack rolled from side to side, head over heels, clockwise, counterclockwise, and basically just moved in whichever way he was going because he was too busy giggling to notice which way he was going.

It took the Guardians at least twenty more minutes to pull themselves together and stop giggling. Tooth was still chuckling to herself as she and Jack floated down to eye level with everybody else.

"Whew. That was the funniest thing I've ever read." Jack said, leaning on his staff. "I honestly don't think you could get funnier."

Tooth nodded. "Did someone review? That girl ought to get a prize or something."

North nodded. "Yes, I reviewed it. Bunny sent one too." Bunny started cracking up again and showed them the review board.

"Only eleven? For a story_ this_ funny?" Jack said, surprised. It sounded like A material to him.

"Yeah, but read the one by Fantesydreamer224," Bunny said, still laughing.

They all leaned in and about a minute later, they started laughing again.

"Boogey-_Wonderman_?!" Tooth squeaked from in between her laughter.

"Oh, poor Pitch." North said, his eyes alight with mirth.

"I wonder if he's found these yet," Jack mused.

Bunny lifted his head from where the table, where he'd lain it because he'd been laughing too hard to keep it upright. "If he hasn't," Bunny said slowly, a grin creeping across his face. "Then it'll give us a chance to get a little payback in for the stunt he pulled last year."  
All five Guardian's eyes gleamed with mischievous glee and their smiles stretched across their faces wider than jack-o lanterns.

XXXXXXX

Pitch was still howling like a demented wolf when he heard the last beep.

"ALL THAT! ALL THAT FOR A STUPID STORY!" He bellowed, causing a Shadow-horse to whinny nervously and step away slowly.

His day was not going good. For one, he hadn't gotten decent nights' sleep because of a stupid nightmare about duct-tape and sparkles. For another, it seemed his every move was being monitored. And thirdly, a mysterious E-mailer named Mystichawk who seemed to be able to read his thoughts and kept sending him E-mail after annoying and obnoxious E-mail. It was getting tiresome.

Now, Pitch was sitting on his leather couch again, having regained his composure and senses after his fit a few minutes ago, and he was checking the other E-mail someone had sent him.

It didn't have an addressee. Only a smiley face: :D which was rather stupid, since it didn't even _look_ like a smiley face unless you turned your head to the left. Pitch was about to open it when he remembered the other E-mails he'd been receiving. The ones from that cursed Mystichawk. Maybe these were more of them. No, it couldn't be. Those E-mails had had her name on them. This one just had a smiley face.

Should he? Maybe it was a trap or something. Questions plagued his mind and, after not getting any sleep, he didn't feel like dealing with them, so he just threw caution to the winds and opened it. When he did and he saw what it was, he immediately regretted it. Loud music blared out of his speakers and a banner that took up the whole screen unfurled. It had the grinning faces of Jack Frost, Toothiana, Sanderson, North, and Bunnymund on them. Pitch nearly threw up right there. Then something worse began to happen.

North's booming voice came out of the speakers and Pitch had to turn the speakers down. But they would not go off all the way which actually turned out not to be any use because North spoke, his words were displayed in a running line of text below.

"Hello Pitch!" His voice said.

"Hello yourself, you big overgrown elf!" Pitch said venomously.

"Greetings from de North Pole!"

"You can stuff your greetings up your-"

"Oh, if you're vondering how ve found your E-mail-"

"It's kind of obvious, mate." Bunny's voice.

Pitch gave his computer the finger. He couldn't think of anything else to do.

"Yes, and don't even bother trying to look for a vay to stop dis transmission-"

"North!" It was Bunny again. "I told ya, it's called an E-mail! Transmissions went out with the cold war."

"Bunny!" North said and Pitch had a sudden urge to laugh. It was a wonder that the Guardians were able to defeat him when they could barely cooperate to send a bitter enemy an annoying E-mail.

"Ahem. Anyway," North said, sounding a little big flustered. "The _E-mail _is unpausable, due to some tinkering by our master of mechanics, none other dan our own Bunnymund!"

Pitch had to stifle a yawn. "Oh goodie. The rabbit can type."

"That's right Pitch! So nothing short of smashing the computer you're using is gonna stop this E-mail."

Pitch smirked. "Good to know." And with that, he stood up and walked through his many caves and caverns until he was far away from the computer. There. He'd solved his dilemma. He didn't have to kill his computer, and he'd been able to avoid the probably boring and tedious E-mail.

"OH, AND DID I FORGET TO MENTION DAT JACK TOOK THE OPPORTUNITY TO RIG A FEW THOUSAND SPEAKERS THROUGHOUT YOUR CAVES THE LAST TIME VE VISITED?" North's voice boomed from right behind him.

Pitch jumped about three inches and spun around to face the sound, swearing profusely.

"NORTH, YOU BLASTED- (Censored) AND YOUR _*beep*_ GUARDIANS CAN GO- #$ #%#$% #$! AND BACK!"

"Vell, now dat ve've gotten that out of the vay," North replied. "Maybe you'd like to know how the rest of us are doing! Jack's fine,"

"Hiya tall dark and gruesome." Urg! It was that infuriating Frost boy! Could this day get any _worse?! _

"Salutations, Frost." Pitch growled.

"How's the Cave doing? You seen any good movies lately?"

Pitch groaned and stalked away to the room where his computer was sitting and sighed. If he had to listen to these cretins, he would do it on the comfort of his own couch. Pitch plunked, (there's that word again,) _plunked _down and glare at the screen.

"Tooth's happy-go-lucky as always."

"Howdy Pitch? Taking care of those nasty black molars?" Tooth said.

"Go suffocate on toothpaste, Fairy."

"Good, 'cause I don't want to take another. It's hard enough dealing with the stink that comes off the one we've got now!"

"Teeth don't smell, idiot."

"Sandy's doing fine."

Silence.

"He can't speak, you moron." Pitch muttered as he checked the time on the clock in the corner of his screen.

"Oh, Sandy says he's been enjoying all the time off he's been getting, thanks to the lack of nightmares. Keep up the good work."

The picture of the Guardian's grinning faces was replaced briefly by a picture of Sandman laying on a fold-out chair with a tropical drink and wearing dream-sand sunglasses. There was a sandy beach in the background and glistening water behind that. There was also a legend across the bottom that read:

"**We do not **_Wish you were here__._" It was clear that Sandy had written the _We do not_ part because it was done in golden magic marker.

Pitch growled and gave the computer the double finger.

"Bunny eez well and good."

"They mean the same thing, you oaf." Pitch sneered.

"Hi Pitch. How's it going, being holed up in a dank crevice with no powers and nobody?"

Pitch grimaced and said, "Well, when there aren't cameras watching my every move and speakers ready to blow out my ears, it's pretty good. How's your Warren, Rabbit? Does it still look like someone vomited rainbows all over it?"

"Good for you. Stay there, or we won't be forced to kick you back down there on your scrawny behind."

"Whoopee." Pitch drawled.

"All the elves say hi!" North continued. "So does Phil."

Pitch frowned. "Who's Phil?"

In response, a thick gurgling sound erupted from the speakers. Pitch wasn't sure if it was North's stomach or Phil.

"Ah. A yeti. Hi Phil," Pitch said pleasantly. Then he changed back into his normal grouchy self. "I hope you all get sent to the sun to rot. You and the miserable toymaker!"

"In case you can't speak Yetish, Pitch, Phil says dat if you ever try to sneak in to my shop again, he's going to personally stick you in a sack and toss you through a portal to the darkest underworld he can think of. Awwww, eezn't that sveet. It'll probably be an improvement on your current home."

Pitch looked around and said, "What? I like my home!" And then he felt stupid for arguing with a recording.

"Incidentally, that goes for all of us," Tooth put in.

"You bet your nelly it does. Pitch, I'm sayin' this once and you'd better listen: You come in and mess with our places, _any_ of them, and we're gonna set the Yeti's on ya."

Pitch trembled in fake-fear. "Oh, save me, a bunch of six foot tall fur-balls with brains smaller than walnuts are going to come after me. Big wazoo! And incidentally, I CAN'T LEAVE THIS BLASTED CAVE!"

"Oh, right, we forgot. YOU CAN'T LEAVE YOUR CAVE!" Bunny's voice shouted into the speakers and Pitch heard guffaws of laughter echoing in the background.

Pitch gave his computer the finger again and headed to his bedroom. Maybe the Frost boy hadn't installed speakers there.

He was wrong.

"He he. Sorry mate. We couldn't resist." Bunny's voice came from somewhere beside his bed. Pitch lunged at the spot and opened the cabinet that was sitting there. Nothing. He opened a drawer. Nothing. He pulled the bed up and searched inside the covers, shaking them all out individually. Nothing.

"Where is that blasted speaker?!" He shouted, forgetting no one could hear him.

"So," Jack's voice sounded from a completely different direction than it had before. Pitch spun around and tried to pinpoint the sound. "Read anything good lately?"

Pitch froze. Oh no. They didn't- they _couldn't. . ._

"Well I don't know about you, but I read something incredibly funny today." Pitch groaned. Great. That was all he needed. For them to have read the story.

"It was a story on the internet, by the name of-"

"No," Pitch said, his eyes wide.

"By the name of The Boogeyman tries to-"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Pitch howled. They'd found it! He was going to kill Mystichawk! Murder wasn't his forte, but hey, he'd bent the rules before. He could do it again.

"It featured_ you_ in it, Pitch. Perhaps you may have heard of it."

Pitch screamed and threw his pillow at the direction of the voice of Jack Frost. "WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT?! I'LL _KILL_ THAT STUPID HUMAN!"

"If you haven't read it, maybe we should read it to you."

Pitch's eyes widened in horror. "Oh darkness, you _WOULDN'T!_" He could hear the laughing in the background. He could just picture them standing over a computer screen and reading the story aloud.

"THE BOOGERMAN- Oops, I'm sorry. _BOOGEY_MAN TRIES TO UNDERSTAND FANFICTION, By Mystichawk."

Pitch put his hands over his ears and started screaming. Anything to drown it out.

"'One evening, while scrolling through the pages upon pages of interweb, Pitch Black, A.K.A the Boogeyman, stumbled upon something rather odd.'" Jack read. He could scarcely stop himself from laughing as he pictured what Pitch was doing at that moment. He was probably running from room to room, trying to block the sound of his voice out.

For half an hour Jack read through the entire story, leaving no parts out and laughing at every funny interval. By the time he was done, Pitch had screamed himself hoarse and was trying to hum to block out the noise but only succeeded in riling up the Nightmares.

"There. Wasn't that good?" Jack asked. Pitch could practically _hear_ the smug smile that was creeping across his face. He only had enough energy to give the sound of Jack's voice the finger once more and then he fell onto his black bed, exhausted.

XXXXXXXXX

Several thousand miles away, Mystichawk was laughing her butt off in her tiny one-room apartment. She was shaking and she could barely breathe.

"This is great! Just great!" She squealed, nearly falling off her own swivel chair. "They're gonna laugh their butts off when I write this on Fanfiction. I can't wait to see Pitch's face when he reads this!"

And then the esteemed writer Mystichawk began the long laborious process of writing down the past events. She hopes you enjoyed them. There _will_ be another chapter, if I get enough reviews.

For now review, laugh, cry, eat virtual cookies, frolic with Fredrick the sparkly Nightmare, whatever.


	3. To Drive The Boogerman Crazy: Step One

**Hello my lovelies! Glad to see me, no? Well, if you're not, then rack off! Ahem. Sorry. **

**To those amazing reviewers and wonderful fans, thank you so much! Your reviews are what has kept me going through this phase of writer's block. **

**This newest installment of The Boogeyman Tries To understand Fanfiction will feature more hilarity, as you all requested. Now, I'm not giving any hints, but I ****_will_**** tell you that plenty of off-site material will be referenced. Just like in the previous chapters, all the references and wiki quotes are accurate, (Minus a few words which were misspelled because Wiki doesn't know how to spell! No offense meant,) and you can go on the web and find them for yourself. Just follow the procedures shown in the story. (As in, typing in the Boogeyman in Google search engine, or looking for Pitch Black Wiki.)**

**Well, have a nice day! Read, review, laugh, cry, frolic with Fredrick the Sparkly Nightmare, whatever. ;D**

* * *

Mystichawk was sitting in her one-room apartment at her computer desk once more.

"Now let's see. . . What can I do to set the Boogeyman off again?" She mused, tapping the keyboard. "My reviewers say. . . send him some BlackIce stories. Nah. I have a strict rule regarding smut in my work. Good idea though. BlackTooth stories? Maybe. I kinda don't want to pick on Tooth, though. She's my second favorite Guardians, after all!"

Mystichawk scrolled through the thirty reviews she'd gotten since the story had been posted and sighed. It was kind of irritating that her two-chapter short story had gotten nearly thirty reviews, and her sixteen-chapter story hadn't gotten more than twenty in the last few weeks. But, she reflected, his story was a bit funnier than Season's Greetings.

She scrolled through the current story listings on Rise of the Guardians' Fanfiction section, not very impressed. Most of them were OK, just not the materiel she was looking for. She laughed at the summaries of a few of them.

"Well, I think I've just about exhausted my inspiration supply for this-" She said, then she stopped as a tiny idea wormed it's way into her brain.

"Oh no. . ." she said quietly. A small grin was creeping across her face and her eyes began to glow with demented glee. "Do I dare?" She asked herself, pulling up the live feed of Pitch in his caves. Still asleep.

Mystichawk's hands flew across the keyboard and her grin turned into a full-fledged smile. The kind that curled neck hair and sent regular humans scurrying for cover. It was her _I-hold-the-thread-of-your-life-in-my-hands- so-don't-piss-me-off_- smile. The kind of smile she reserved only for when she had something particularly devious and evil in mind. And now was certainly one of those times.

She pulled up North's E-mail and began to type furiously, forgetting about grammar and spelling mistakes and sending it as quickly as possible. Then she found Pitch's E-mail address, (which, if you've forgotten, was EvilKingofDarkness27) and began to type again, slower this time. She didn't want any mistakes on _this _E-mail.

A few minutes later, she sent it. Then she leaned back and sighed. Time to watch the magic happen.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_beep. _

Pitch groaned. Oh no. Was it that blasted Mystichawk again? It had better not be.

Pitch had spent the last seven and a half hours tossing and turning because of the nightmare induced by that blasted Fanfiction writer! Not only had he re-dreamed the duct-tape/eyebrows dream, (which he suspected that Sanderson was purposely giving him,) that he'd vowed never to mention again, but _NOW_ he was also having a nightmare with all the things that he'd been forced to endure the previous night, all wrapped up into one terrible experience.

First, his dream had started out with being chased by a giant hairbrush about twice his size. Then, after his hair had become at least ten feet long and he was having trouble not tripping over it, the hairbrush had shrunk and a tall purple-haired girl had appeared, holding a giant roll of duct-tape. Pitch had screamed like a five-year-old, which he would never, ever, until the end of time admit, and tried to run, but a Nightmare appeared in front of him, blocking his path. It's mane was curled and it had pink ribbons and glitter splashed all over it.

Pitch had tried to run, but the glittery Nightmare had grabbed his robe with it's teeth and yanked him onto it's back, taking off into the sky. That bit wasn't so bad, although it was a bit undignified to be seem on a sparkly pink Nightmare, (who he assumed was named Fredrick,) but then Jack Frost's voice started coming out of the Nightmare's mouth.

"'One evening, while scrolling through the pages upon pages of interweb, Pitch Black, A.K.A the Boogeyman, stumbled upon something rather odd.'"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Pitch yelled, trying to jump off the Nightmare, but he found that he was duct-taped to the saddle.

"Uh-uh." Said a voice and Pitch looked up to see a purple-haired girl with a blank face floating above him. There were absolutely no features on her face, save a wide mouth. She was holding a strip of duct-tape and she had a wicked smile on her face. One that Pitch would happily admit to being afraid of.

"'Since his defeat at the hands of the Guardians,'" Jack's voice was still sounding out of the Nightmare's mouth in the background, but Pitch wasn't paying attention to that. He was more focused on the piece of duct-tape inches from his eyebrows.

"NOOOOOO! NO ONE TOUCHES THE EYEBROWS!" He bellowed, thrashing wildly and trying to break free of the strands of duct-tape that were spinning around him like a silvery cocoon. His legs, hands, torso and shoulders were all covered in the stuff. "Dang blast it, Let me go! Sanderson, this isn't funny!" Pitch howled.

As if waiting for a cue, Sanderson floated past, holding a coconut with a tiny golden umbrella in it and a big floppy sunhat on his head. He waved once, then tipped his hat and dissapeared in a poof of golden sand.

"GRAH!" Pitch screamed in frustration, thrashing from side to side. The duct-tape held firm.

"He he. They're gonna love this on Fanfiction." The purple-haired girl said, slapping the duct-tape on his forehead.

Pitch let out a noise much like a tea kettle shriek. "Let me go! SANDERSON!" He bellowed, trying to twist around to see where the chubby sandbag had gone, but he could only move his head a certain amount of degrees.

Then he felt searing pain across his forehead and heard a sharp ripping sound. "NOOOOO!"

"YEEEEES!" The purple-haired maniac said, brandishing the strip of duct-tape, now adorned with his eyebrows. "Ha ha! Now you really do look like Pitch Black!"

Pitch felt the nightmare go into a steep dive and as he plummeted, leaving the purple-haired girl shrieking with laughter, he screamed, "I _AM_ PITCH BLAAAAAAAAACK!"

And then he woke up.

"GAH! OH MY DARKNESS! WHERE THE HELL-" He yelled, sitting bolt upright and staring around the room wildly. Then he realized it had been all some hellish nightmare and he grabbed the nearest pillow, forcibly pushing it into his face and started to scream.

His screaming fit lasted a good twenty minutes. Then he ran out of air and flopped back onto his other pillows, heaving a dejected sigh.

"That was the absolute worst nightmare I have ever experienced!" He staring up at the ceiling of his bedroom. Words could not express how he was feeling at that moment, but I'll try!

His throat was dry, from screaming, and he was sweating profusely from the dramatic nightmare. His heart was thumping like a tom-tom and the thoughts going through his brain were mostly along the lines of:

_When I get out of here, I'm going to make every single person who read that blasted story PAY! Including Jack Frost and the blasted Guardians!_

Then he heard the beep.

I reiterate:

_Beep._

Pitch groaned. Oh no. Was it that blasted Mystichawk again? It had better not be. Wasn't he suffering enough on her account?!

Pitch buried his face in his pillows and let out another moan. He wasn't going to do it. No. He wasn't going to read those stories ever again, or talk to Mystichawk ever again.

"HIYA PITCH!" A loud female voice boomed in his ear.

Pitch let out a strangled high-pitched yelp and jumped about three feet, tangling himself in his bed sheets in the process.

"Hey! What the-" He said, trying to roll over and escape the tornado of blankets and sheets, but his momentum caused him to fall off his bed with a rather undignified _plop_.

"Ow. What in the world was-" He tried to said, trying to rip the sheets away from him and stand up, but something interrupted him.

"Yes it's me! Mystichawk! The Fanfiction universe's most hilarious writer!" The loud female voice boomed again.

Pitch let out the kettle-boiling sound once more and stood up, still tangled in his sheets. "Where are you?!" He yelled, running to his bedroom door. "If you are in my home I swear to darkness I'm going to kill you!" His eyes were like miniature balls of sun, glowing bright yellow with anger and he dashed from room to room, howling like a demented wolf.

"I'm here, in your computer." Mystichawk's voice said as he entered his living room where he'd left his computer. "I hacked into Bunny's speakers and broadcasted my E-mail voice clip, using your computer as a modem. It's kind of like a phone. I can hear and see you, but you can only hear me. Cool, huh?"

Pitch had no idea what she'd just said, but he'd gotten the part about her using the speakers. "And just how did you manage that?" He spat, glaring around the room.

"It wasn't hard," Mystichawk said. "The Bunny left quite a few loopholes."

Pitch glared at the screen for another minute, then sat down heavily on his couch. "Well? What do you want?" He said angrily. "I have enough to deal with without you waking me up like a fog horn."

Mystichawk snorted. "And here I thought is was impossible to sneak up on the Boogeyman."

Pitch didn't even dignify that with an answer.

After a little bit, Mystichawk said, "So I assume you want to know why I'm here, correct?"

Pitch rolled his eyes. "No, actually. Strangely enough, I don't care. I just want you out of my home, out of my dreams, and out of my existence."

Mystichawk's eyes widened. "Awww, you dream about me?" She cooed, cranking Pitch's facial coloring up to a ruddy greyish pink.

"Yes," Pitch replied sarcastically. "I was plagued by visions of a purple-haired monster attacking me with duct-tape. That matches your description, does it not?"

Mystichawk snorted. "So," she said, smirking. "I take it you didn't have a good night?"

Pitch furrowed his (thankfully still there,) eyebrows and glowered. "Not as such. Those dreams-" He refused to call them nightmares because he controlled nightmares and he didn't want to make it sound like he couldn't control them. Even though that's exactly how it sounded. "Those _dreams_ pestered me all night long. Probably a gift from your Sandman. I didn't get a single minute's peace. Then again, neither will you when I get out of here!"

Mystichawk let out another loud snort, followed by three minutes of incessant giggling. She completely ignored the jibe and the threat, because it just made his sentence more funny! Pitch just sat there, glowering at the screen. He was really getting irritated by this child.

Back in her apartment, Mystichawk was giggling her ass off.

_HE had a nightmare about ME?! _She thought as she rocked back and forth in her squeaking swivel-chair. It was too much. Too much! A fresh wave of giggles erupted from her mouth as she looked at the screen and saw Pitch's face glowering at her. His eyebrows, (which she found very distinguishing,) were drawn together in a furrow and his mouth was a clenched tightly. She could tell he was about to lose it, so she tried a tactic her younger brother had taught her: When faced with a danger, laugh your ass off.

"Ar- are you _serious?_" She asked, forcing another bout of laughter. "You had nightmares about little old Moi? _My,_ how those tables have turned."

Pitch just glared at the screen. Mystichawk could tell he was thinking very seriously about getting out of his cave, just so he could get a hold of her and- she shuddered to think what would happen then. One of them would probably end up in the Loony Bin. Not her, that was for sure!

"Yes, and I'm fairly certain anyone else who's read your work has had nightmares about you as well." Pitch snapped.

"Oh, Pitch, I'm wounded."

"Good. I hope it's a dislocated collar-bone. I hear those are the worst."

Mystichawk rolled her eyes. "Now I know what it's like to be Jack Frost." She muttered, thinking about a Home for Fear, this really hilarious Fanfiction story that she'd read at least a dozen times. It featured Pitch and Jack, kind of bonding in brotherly activities. It was really sweet, but that's not what she meant. She was actually referring to Jack and Pitch's incessant banter wars that happened in every single chapter.

Pitch stiffened. "Excuse me?" He said, trying his best to glare at the screen.

"Oh, nothing." She replied. "Just wondering how Jack Frost would react to hearing this news."

Pitch sucked in a hissing breath. "If you tell _anyone_ about that-"

"Calm down,_ Boogerman_." Mystichawk said, smiling. "I'm not gonna tell Jack." Nice. She'd successfully evaded answering truthfully. Now it was time for her trap.

"I actually wanted to offer you something, to make up for those mean E-mails I sent you."

Pitch raised an eyebrow. "An offer? What is it?" Then a sudden thought struck him. "If it's about becoming my assistant, you are sorely out of luck. I don't take trainees, and I won't need a replacement for a good fifty thousand years at _least,_ thank you very much."

Mystichawk laughed. "No, not that. Although I think it _would_ be kinda cool." She said, smiling at the thought of taking over from the Boogeyman.

"No."

Mystichawk smiled. "My, aren't we the grouchy one in the morning? Haven't had our coffee today, have we Mr. Boogeyman?"

"I don't drink coffee." He said shortly. "Nasty stuff. Tastes like gasoline."

"You've drunk gas before?" Mystichawk asked, sniggering.

"No." Pitch said coldly, trying to keep in an irritated sigh. "It's just an expression. Now are you going to tell me your offer or not? If not, _go away!_ I'd like to go back to sleep. "

Mystichawk covered her mouth with her hand to stop herself from giggling. This was too easy.

"Right! Sorry! Off-topic." She said. Pitch thought she sounded like Tooth, shooting orders at her fairies like a drill Sargent.

"The offer?" Pitch prompted. He was getting sick of these back and forth word games.

"Ah, yes. The offer." Mystichawk said, smiling to herself. It was a good thing Pitch couldn't see her, because she was smiling her _I-hold-the-thread-of-your-life-in-my-hands- so-don't-piss-me-off_- smile.

"You see, Pitch, I've been having misgivings about those mean E-mails." She said. Pitch thought she sounded like those old Sherlock Holmes movies, when that know-it-all Englishman was explaining during the end-of-story scene. "I was actually watching when the Guardians sent you their E-mail. I heard the whole thing. I even tapped into your E-mail and got a copy of Sandman's photograph."

Pitch groaned. Great. Just great! More blackmail-worthy things for her to write about on her story.

"Don't worry," She said quickly. "I'm not going to post it." Technically true. She'd already done it. "I'm actually angry with the Guardians for their treatment of you. It's one thing to have a nice, friendly banter war between bitter enemies, but it's quite another to say some of the things they said. The cave bit, for one thing. That was completely uncalled for."

Pitch glowered at the memory. That stupid rabbit. She was right. Aster had _no call_ to rub salt in his old wounds.

"I'm also sorry about your nightmare, Pitch." Mystichawk said. "So, to make it up to you, I suggest we form an alliance against the Guardians."

Pitch was completely baffled, and for once he let his emotions show in his face as he stared at the screen.

"An alliance?" He finally said, trying to pull himself together. "What can you do, child? Except for be a total pain in my-"

"I'll have none of that language from you, Pitch." Mystichawk said sharply.

Pitch stared at the screen. "What are you, a teacher?" He said sarcastically.

"No. I just dislike bad language." Mystichawk said firmly. "Anyway, I wasn't talking about me busting you out of your prison and us marching on the North Pole. Anyway, there's a good chance you'd kill me on the spot. Oh no, I have a much better plan than that." She said, smirking.

Pitch was curious, in spite of himself. "And that plan is. . .?"

"Well Pitch, I'll put it this way..." Mystichawk said and Pitch could practically _see_ the grin spreading across her face. "You're not the only one who had embarrassing stories on Fanfiction. And I'll even tell you where they are, if you do two things for me."

Pitch narrowed his eyes. "What?" He said suspiciously.

"Firstly, go back in your bedroom and put on some clothes, _please_! I can't take you seriously in those bedsheets."

Pitch looked down at himself, then he let out an exasperated sigh. Did he have even a _miniscule_ shred of dignity left? _"No,"_ He muttered, standing up and stalking back into his room. He was wearing the bedsheets, which were drenched with sweat and tied around him like a toga.

When he got back, he was wearing his normal black robe and grouchy expression. "You said two things," He reminded the sniggering Mystichawk.

"Ah, yes. The second thing: I get to call you Booger the entire time."

"No."

XXXXXXXXXX

At the North Pole. . .

"Hey, North, you've got another E-mail!" Bunny said, scrolling down slowly and clicking on the virtual open button.

It had been hours since Jack's prank and the Guardians were back at work. All of them, that is, except for Bunnymund.

The rabbit didn't have a computer of his own in the Warren, or for that matter, electricity. So, when North had suggested he might use one of the old ones he had around the Workshop, Bunny jumped on the idea. He kind of regretted it now, because of all the jokes he'd read and stupid comments about him on the Rise of the Guardian's Wiki, but he still got no small amount of satisfaction from reading the jokes about Pitch and Jack and the others. Apparently lots of people thought a PitchxJack couple would be cool. Bunny thought it was disturbing and tried to stamp it out wherever he could.

"Another one?" North said, looking up from a clipboard a Yeti had just handed him.

"Yup. Same person as before. That Mystichawk person. Wonder why she keeps messaging you." Bunny said, scrolling down and reading through the short message.

_To the Guardians,_ it said. _My name will remain anonymous, but you can call me Mystic._ "Yeah, kinda figured." Bunny muttered.

_I have been watching you, Guardians. Aster, Nicholas, Toothiana, Sanderson, Jackson. But not in a bad way. I have been watching you, and I have seen your defeat of Pitch Black. _North and Bunny's eyes widened. By that time, the Guardian of Wonder had made it over to the table and, with a few well-placed "Why are you always under boot?"s, he was leaning over the small table, his eyebrows furrowed.

"She saw our defeat of Pitch?" North asked.

"Maybe. Maybe this is Cupcake or Pippa, having a joke." Bunny mused.

North shook his head. "No. It does not sound like the children."

Bunny shrugged. "Well, whoever it is, I'm not liking their attitude."

North was already reading again.

_Make no mistake, I am angry about that. (Though he undoubtedly deserved it and he was a real prat.) Honestly. One does not throw temper tantrum and try to end the world, just because one didn't get any attention for a few hundred years. Jack didn't, did he? Well, he did, but that was when you guys found him and let's face it: Jack is an immortal kid. Temper tantrums __come regularly, especially when they pertain to a certain flop-eared Bunny.  
_

Bunny chuckled. "Okay, I apologize. I love this girl's attitude."

_Jokes aside, Pitch was one of my favorite characters. I say WAS, because now he certainly is not. Now that I've met him face to screen, I can say with absolute accuracy that he is a self-absorbed, narcissistic, greasy-haired, not-EVEN-scary jerk._

"Ok, I'm reascending my previous opinion: I REALLY love this girl's attitude."

_Pitch honestly was one of my favorite characters, (if only because of his hair,) but he sure isn't now. No, that spot now belongs to a small golden sandbag with a big smile and really nice hair._

Bunny let out a "HA!"

_Ahem. Anyway. . . I have been watching and I have decided to make you an offer. An offer which I'm sure Bunnymund Jack and Tooth will accept instantly. _

"Depends on what kind of offer it is," Bunny said.

"Vill you shut up so that I can read this?" North asked angrily.

Bunny wasn't listening. He was already reading again.

_I've seen the stories posted on the Internet. I've seen the stories and the comics drawn about you guys, and I've seen the videos on Youtube about you guys. No doubt Bunny's read quite a few too. And in all those stories I've seen people portray Pitch almost always exactly how he is: a selfish egotistical moronic stooge with a tendency to cross-dress._

"Ohhh, burn." Bunny said.

North chuckled quietly.

_Despite this, he is a person, and as a person he should be bad-mouthed as anyone should be bad-mouthed. To their face. And so my offer to you is this: I will provide you with material about Pitch, and in return you get payback for all the pain and annoyance he's put you through.  
Take a minute to think it over. I was an answer soon, though. And by soon, I mean in three hours or less. Goodbye.  
_

Bunny and North stared at the screen, then they stared at each other.

"I think ve need to call the others." North said.

"Yeah." Bunny said, still staring at the screen.

XXXXXXXXX

Several hours later, Pitch was trying to hide the amusement creeping across his face as he scrolled through stories.

He had completely forgotten the nightmare he'd had and the one-sided fight he'd had with Mystichawk and the Guardians and now he was reading through the stories on about the other Guardians. Mystichawk had told him over an hour ago that there were plenty of ways to get the Guardians back for their E-mail to him last night and, knowing that he wouldn't be able to do this on his own, he had accepted her help.

There were hundreds of stories about Jack, Bunny, North, Tooth, and even Sanderson. There were stories that shows them in good light, (these he ignored,) and stories that showed them in bad light. These he also ignored, unless they were funny and, knowing the kind of writers that did these stories, he knew right from the get-go that he was only going to find a few of those.

"Are there really that many people on your site that want a relationship between the Frost boy and the rabbit?" He asked after spotting another one.

"'Fraid so, Booger" Mystichawk replied. "But that isn't the half of the dumb things I've seen on here. Seriously, there are so many stupid and corny jokes on here. Jokes, pairings, pranks, the whole nine yards! And it doesn't just stop at stories! Oh no. There are many many sites on the web that mention JackxBunny pairings and all the stuff I've just mentioned." She said. "Fanfiction is just one. It's on wikis, pictures on art sites, and practically everywhere you turn."

Pitch smiled his evil smile. "Can you show me how to get on to see them?" He asked hopefully.

"Well _yeah,_" Mystichawk said sarcastically. "What, did you think we were only going to use Fanfiction material? Heck no! There are so many pictures out there perfect for our purposes. I'm warning you now though. Some of the stuff on Tumblr might make you pop a blood vessel."

Pitch snorted. "Honestly Mystichawk, I find it hard to believe that a few feeble jokes will reduce me to a jittering mass."

"Fanty's story did. And do stop calling me that." She demanded. "Call me Abby."

"By Fanty I assume you mean the girl who wrote that insufferable story." Pitch_ harrumphed. _

Mystichawk laughed. "I'm sure she would be glad to hear you say that."

Pitch shrugged. "I'm sorry, but that's my opinion." It was true. The stories he'd read that had features him in it were nothing more to him than the deranged ramblings of teenagers with a lack of a social lives. The contents of the stories weren't that bad, really. It was the fact that they'd decided to use _him _as a character that irked him more than anything.

Seriously, they couldn't have used someone else? Just the fact that someone dictated the way he acted bugged him more than he would've liked it to. And the fact that the authoress played with his character's emotions like a piper on a flute. _That_ ruffled his metaphorical feathers. And the strange thing was, he wasn't sure why.

"Yes, I read it and you know what?" He said, fully prepared to start a rant about Listen to Your Heart, which he'd been following since Mystichawk had shown it to him. And, in his eyes, it was a rant well-deserved. Who gave them the right to use his personality and demeanor like a puppet? Who gave them the right? "It was..." Then something made him stop and lean back on his couch, which he'd been sitting on for hours.

Did he really _hate_ that story? Or any of the other stories she'd mentioned or that he'd found on Fanfiction? Sure, he'd _said _he hated them, but that was just his natural response to everything. Keep a straight face and act like you are indifferent. That was his way. Although it didn't seem to be working lately, what with all the attention he'd been getting. He didn't hate the stories he'd found on Fanfiction, although lame some of them undoubtedly were. He just automatically registered them in his _I Hate This_ memory file. (Which, if you think about it, was pretty full.)

"Uh, Pitch? You were saying?" Mystichawk asked, waving her hand in front of the screen and forgetting he couldn't see her. She wanted to expose the Boogeyman for what he really was, and the only way to do that was let the Boogeyman say what was really in his heart and on his mind.

Or, or accurately, she wanted to grab as much amusing material for her story as she could, but she was in no hurry. She was recording all this as they spoke.

"Ahem." Pitch said, coughing and trying to think up an excuse for his pause. "I was _saying... _that the story was... ah..."

"So horrible you can't put in words?" Mystichawk suggested, with more than a hint of amusement in her tone. That's right. Just keep talking. Keep giving me more.

"Yes! Thank you!" Pitch exclaimed.

"Pity. Fanty really likes her story, and if you can get past the lovie-dovies it's not that bad. I really liked it actually. You don't know what you're missing." Mystichawk said airily.

Pitch snorted. "Well, it's kind of hard enjoying a story that's about you. You should try it sometime."

This time it was Mystichawk who snorted. "Who on earth would want to write about my life? I haven't even reached fifteen yet!" Then she smacked herself silently. She didn't need to tell him that!

Pitch smiled. Ah. An adolescent. That explained a _lot_.

"Besides, I have a sneaking suspicion that you like her story, along with the others I found." She said teasingly.

Pitch scoffed, but he knew she was right. Maybe he could try being civil. It wouldn't kill him.

_What is wrong with me?! _He thought, banishing those thoughts from his mind. _I'm the Boogeyman, dammit! I am not civil! I am the scourge of children and the Ruler of Nightmares! _

_I'm going soft._

"You pause is all the answer I need." Mystichawk said smugly.

He didn't even bother denying it.

"So, what do you _really _think about Fanty's story?" Mystichawk asked curiously.

Pitch groaned. Wasn't it enough that he'd admitted that he didn't hate something? Did she _have_ to ask for _specifics_?!

"Weeeeeeeell. . ." He said slowly, trying to buy time. He really didn't have a clue. "The plot was... interesting." He ended lamely.

Mystichawk snorted. "'_The **plot** was **interesting**?_' That's the best you can come up with?"

Pitch exhaled loudly and said, "Fine. Fine. The dialog was good, and the characters were very creatively done. I like that the friend had the guts to stand up to me, and the girl, your... _Fanty,_ chose had somewhat of a personality. My dialog was slightly obtuse, but it wasn't _too_ bad." He finished quickly.

Mystichawk chuckled. "Well, good to see you liked it."

Pitch sighed. If he was going to admit to liking something, he might as well go all out. "I kind of preferred Tortured, though." He said in a small voice.

Mystichawk laughed. "You _would_."

"Hey!" Pitch said defensively.

"Well, it's true. That story is incredibly well-written, suspenseful, dramatic, but let's face it: It's kind of depressing because it has so much pain in it. It's right up your alley."

Pitch's lips parted in a small smile. "I don't know whither to take that as a compliment or an insult."

Mystichawk chuckled. "Take it both ways. Take it neither. Doesn't matter to me. What else?"

Pitch sighed again, trying to remember more about the stories he'd been forced to read in order to understand Mystichawk's. "Uh... well..."

"If you can't remember anything, just say so." Mystichawk said flatly.

Pitch rolled his eyes. "Fine. I can't. Happy?"

"Extremely." Mystichawk said. She was smirking. Pitch could hear it in her voice.

"Well, Mystichawk-"

"Dammit for the last time, stop calling me that! It's soooo much of a mouthful. Call me Abby!" She ordered angrily, glaring at the screen. Mystichawk was a nice name, but it was such a mouthful.

Pitch frowned. "Why Abby?" He asked, squinting at the screen out of pure curiosity. Abby didn't sound like or resemble Mystichawk in the slightest. Then, a sudden thought struck him. Did she accidentally let her real name slip? A smile crept across his face and he stared at the screen through laughing squinted eyes.

"Stop looking like that, Booger. It's giving me the creeps." Mystichawk said, scowling and shivering slightly.

"Boogeyman, remember."

"And no, it's not my real name. Do I really look that stupid to you?" she demanded.

Pitch continued to smirk at the screen, waiting for her to realize her mistake. It took a full minute.

"Oh. Right. He he, my bad." Mystichawk said, laughing. "Abby is part of a joke I learned from a reeeeeeeally old black-and-white movie called Young Frankenstein. The assistant, Igor, -and yes, you do pronounce it _eye_-gore, instead of _ee_-gore- Igor grabbed the wrong brain when he was getting a brain for the monster and when he brought it back and the monster came to live and acted like, well, a monster, instead of the super-smart guy who's brain they were _going_ to use, -Hans something, I think- The doctor asked Igor who's brain it was and Igor said, "'Abby someone.'" Then the doctor asked, "'Abby someone? Abby... who?'" And Igor said "'Abby... Normal.'" The label on the brain actually said _Abnormal. _So I thought that would be a rather clever play-on-words to have my username on a few sites be Abby-Normal. Cool, huh? Have you ever seen Young Frankenstein? Pitch?"

Pitch was banging his head against the rock wall, trying to drown out the continuous voice of Mystichawk. This child really could talk! When she was finished, he pushed back a few stray strands of hair that had fallen into his face and said, with great dignity, "Yes?"

Mystichawk was watching the screens with a bemused expression on her face. _Banging his head against the rock. That's something new._ She thought, smiling to herself. "I asked if you've ever seen Young Frankenstein."

Pitch thought back throughout his many years as a spirit and nodded slowly. "Yeeees, I do believe I did. I rather disliked it, though. I thought it was a horror movie. When you see the word Frankenstein in the title, you automatically assume such things." He admitted, sitting back on his couch with a thoughtful expression on his face.

Mystichawk was trying not to laugh. It was extremely hard. _Pitch Black_ had watched _Young Frankenstein!_ Next he would be telling her that he watched Svengoolie each night! Not that there was anything wrong with Svengoolie. She watched it herself on occasion, if something good was playing.

"Actually most of the Frankenstein movies I've watched were pretty much comedies." Mystichawk commented, thinking back to Abbot and Costello meet the monsters.

Pitch nodded. "Yes, that's the problem with modern movies. They have too much comedy in them."

"You should see the Cabin in the Woods," Mystichawk said, grimacing. Her _dad_ liked that kind of thing. Not her. Yuck. She hated horror movies.

Yet, here she was, talking to the Boogeyman himself.

"Seen it." Pitch replied. "Rather pathetic, if you ask me."

Mystichawk chuckled. "Oh really? Then what's the worst horror movie _you've _ever seen?" She asked. Then she frowned and started to re-think her question.

Pitch smirked. "Why Mystichawk, do you _really_ want to know?"

Mystichawk glanced over her shoulder, suddenly worried that Pitch was out of his caves and standing right behind her. No one was there. "Actually, no, thank you." She said, turning her head shakily back towards the screen. "I'd rather not."

Pitch laughed. "Thought not. That stuff about being my assistant was just blether, am I right?"

Mystichawk shook her head. "No! No, I really would like to have your job someday. It would be a vast improvement on my life as it is."

Pitch frowned at the screen. Mystichawk's voice had gone all low and sullen. Obviously the girl had a really bad home life, and she hid her anger and fear behind a mask of fun. It reminded him eerily of when Jack Frost had thrown a snowball at him when he'd tried to scare Jamie Bennett. Using fun to keep fear back.

"Uh-huh. Well, keep dreaming child, because the only way you'll ever get _my_ job is if I die, and I don't plan on going any time soon."

Mystichawk chuckled. "Fear will always live on. Isn't that what you said at the end of the movie?" She asked, knowing it would irritate him.

"As I said before," Pitch stated calmly. "I have not seen the movie yet. Only the trailers."

"You're missing oooout." Mystichawk said in a song-song voice, smiling.

"I highly doubt that." Pitch said dismissively. "The way you've described it reflects rather poorly on it."

Mystichawk tapped her finger against her chin and said thoughtfully, "You know, you're right. It _was _a bit of a disappointment. I mean, your character was a complete wuss in the movie and not _at all_ scary. Incidentally, I think your hair should be longer. The spikiness is cool, but it's far too short. And the whole robe slash dress slash whatever the hell it is thing; It's not cool. It's actually kind of lame. I mean, if you were wear a big black trench coat then yeah, better, but a robe/dress? Really?"

Pitch groaned. _Not _what he'd wanted to do. "Thank you Abby, for that delightful evaluation of my self. Your encouragement is like swallowing a bag of cacti and hedgehogs."

Mystichawk smiled.

"On fire."

"Oh, rough crowd tonight." Mystichawk said. "The critics are raving."

"Yes, and so is the authoress. But you already knew that, didn't you?"

"Touche." Mystichawk replied. "Now are we going to sit here talking all day or are we going to get revenge on those stupid Guardians for you?"

Pitch smiled. "Right. Sorry. Off-topic." He said, then he remembered Mystichawk saying those exact words an hour ago. "So, what have you found so far?" He asked.

Mystichawk smirked. "Well, there's this one..." she said, pulling up a story. "It's about Jack and Bunny."

Pitch read through it quickly and shook his head. "Nope. Not even close."

It was Mystichawk's turn to harrumph. "Fine. You found anything better?" She sarcastically.

"Yes, actually." He replied smugly. "What about this? Ghost stories and Other Tales."

Mystichawk let out an ear-splitting shriek and said, "Oh yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes YES! You picked the exact one I've been thinking about for weeks!"

After Pitch spent half a minute rubbing his ears tenderly, making sure they weren't blown out, he turned back to the computer and said, "By the sudden screech, I take that it is really good?"

Mystichawk laughed. "I'll say! It's the perfect thing to get back at Jack and Bunny. Read it and you'll see. Oh, but only read Baby Jack and Pooka Jack. Those are the best ones by far!"

Pitch shrugged and opened the aforementioned story. Ten minutes later he was letting out evil laugh after evil laugh.

"Ha ha ha! That is perfect! Wonderful work!" He said, applauding the author. "I must say, it's a welcome change from all the other trashy stories I've read on here. Honestly!"

"Ditto." Mystichawk agreed. "Well, let's start with this one. I've got some pictures that'll make Bunny lose his cavalier attitude, and we'll go from there."

Pitch nodded and together they started to write the E-mail that would change the world.


	4. The Chapter of Long Author's Note

**OK ladies and germs, I would like to start this chapter by saying something to all of you:**

**THANK YOU SO FREAKING MUCH!**

**I know, a little extreme. Here's my reasoning:**

**I read every single one of your reviews, and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM MADE ME HAPPY! You guys really love my work! Thank you so much! And, to show my appreciation, I'm going to reply to every single review on here. I know, not as good as virtual cookies, but I hope you will like them.**

**Firstly, to my latest reviewer, Candle Dark (I'm working backwards): Thank you. I take it you read my other stories. I'm glad you liked them.**

**Second, Rose Silverpen: The idea is good, but the content is less than what I'd like to write. If you want to try it, go on ahead, but I'll stick with my current idea. Anyway, thank you so much for the review.**

**Third, to Hihi: Well, I don't think it's a good idea to give your name out over the internet, but I'll ask.**

**Fourth, to Agrippina Pelage: Cackling is a sign of greatness. If someone looks at you like they want to stuff you in a straight-jacket, then that means they're afraid of how awesome you are. I'm really glad you like my story, and I hope you enjoy this next installment.**

**Fifth, to Meercatwhisperer112: Thank you so much. My mom nearly died at the eyebrows part too. If you like the first chapter eyebrows part, you'll love the part in my third chapter, if you haven't already read it!**

**Sixth, to ashthetyto: Not really sure how to respond to that, but OK. Thank you for taking time to read my story.**

**Seventh, to Pearlsofwisdom: We share an opinion about Pitch. And he WOULD be the best villain ever seen, IF HE WASN'T A CREEPY, MANROBE-WEARING EYEBROWLESS- oh hell, who am I kidding! THAT JUST MAKES HIM COOLER! Yes, I realized them third one wasn't as funny as the first two, but it's going to get better, I swear.**

**Eighth, to Invader Sugar: YAY! A fellow user of an evil smile! Thank you so much for a nice review. Have a nice day.**

**Ninth, to Starskulls (who is the freaking greatest friend I've got!): Ohhh, I think he got it. Just to be cool, I'll post it in one of the next chapters. YAY! CUPCAKE! I'd like a chocolate marshmallow purple cupcake with Oreo sprinkles and melted Gushers and Jellybeans with whip-cream on top! (I know. I'm weird like that.)**

**Tenth, to Kagirinai-Eternal: Comic genius might be taking it a bit too far, but thank you. I really love it when people believe in me and my stories.**

**Eleventh, to Splash: I know, I know. And, coincidentally, I'm a dudette. And yes, I _should_ get an award!**

**Twelfth, to RapunzelTheSnow: It's kind of hard to reply to Yay! But I'll try. Thank you very much for your review. Have a nice day, Punzie!**

**Thirteenth, to Invader Sugar again: Yes, it is awesome. Thank you for being a loyal reader.**

**Fourteenth, to Taranodongirl: Agh! Hospital! I don't like hospitals, since they took me away to one for telling them I owned Rise of the Guardians and I had to stay overnight for psycho observation! Hopefully you'll get out sooner than I did!**

**Fifteenth, to invisi: Oh great. I've killed another one. Mom! Prepare another plot in the back yard! JK, I'm not one of _those_ writers. _Yet._**

**Sixteenth, to FierySense: Epic? Original? The best comedy you've ever read? Thank you so much! Your compliment just made my evening!**

**Seventeenth, to Ya I'm THAT chick: I love that username, by the way. Oh, burst out all you want. I laugh like a complete maniac at random times a lot.**

**Eighteenth, to Anotherwitch07: I know. Poor Pitch. Thank you so much.**

**Nineteenth, to Starskulls: Aww, Starskulls, you're makin' me blush! You really are a great friend.**

**Twentieth, to Starskulls again!: I love your reply! It it so freaking great! I'm going to make sure Pitch gets this!**

**Twenty-first, to forever mah luv: Yes, I kind of wanted him to get back at Fanty too, but Fanty is my great friend, so I just made him like her story instead. Honestly, I really love Fanty's work and I'm glad she has such great fans.**

**Twenty-second, to RandomNightmare: BRING IT ON! I ain't scare o no- ah, Nightmare.**

**Twenty-third, to darthcat: I am a BlackTooth fan, mostly because of all the stories that feature them in it are really good! Read them!**

**Twenty-fourth, to Guest: I've never seen whatever movie Slenderman is from, so I don't get that reference. Thank you though.**

**Twenty-fifth, to pearlsofwisdom: Yes, yes. Lucky lucky readers.**

**Twenty-sixth: Yes Spark, compliments is spelled right. And you're welcome. You are also awesome!**

**Twenty-seventh, to Sorida: No, he certainly did not. The Fourth wall is indeed been shashed to pieces. And if it wasn't by the second chapter, IT SURE IS NOW!**

**Twenty-eighth, to TheDoctor'sAmazingCompanion: Firstly, OI! FISH-FACE! I'VE GOT A JAR OF DIIIIRT, I'VE GOT A JAR OF DIIIIRT! AND GUESS WHAT'S INSIDE IT! Sorry. Had to do it. Anyway, thank you so much for your review.**

**Twenty-ninth, to BadassCatNinjaXion: I love your name, by the way. Yes, poor Pitch. I have no idea what Slash and Yaoi, and Cracks is, but thank you for your review.**

**Thirtieth, to BadassCatNinjaXion again: Thanks for being a loyal reader. He he. Yeah. Thank you so much.**

**Thirty-first, to Reviewer1000: Yes, yes I will.**

**Thirty-second, to darthcat again: Thank you so much for reviewing again. I love Pitch too, and I'm sure Fanty will love your for reading her story.**

**Thirty-third, to Guest (I'm not sure if you're the same guest from number Twenty-four but thank you.) Yes, I realize it's not that lovey-dovey, but I had to have Pitch exaggerate a bit. Okay, quite a bit. I love your review. Thank you.**

**Thirty-fourth, to FrostyJam: It's so much more than a two-shot now. Hope you read more! Thank you!**

**Thirty-fifth, to the element girl: Never heard of Quotev, but I'm guessing it's like a site that centers around quotes from movies and books. I'm probably wrong, though.**

**Thirty-sixth, to Fanty, (the second greatest person I have ever met virally): OK, first all, I'm so glad that you love my story so far. I love yours, and I tried to make Pitch like your story in the last chapter. Hope you read the last two chapters and will review again soon!**

**Thirty-seventh, to Spark, (one of my favorite authoresses): Spark, you are an angel. I really love you for all the hard work you've gone through to write Cursed Luck. Thank you.**

**Thirty-eighth, to Sorida again: Well, I dunno... for the things Pitch did, Jack might. Even if only for a minute. Oh gods, I killed ANOTHER one! MOM prepare a new plot! (By plot, I mean plot of earth, as if GRAVE,) JK. I'm kidding. Anyway, yeah, I never actually pictured what Pitch's laptop might be, but I know it's big and black. If it's a Mac, (Hey! I rhymed!) then good on Pitch. Sorida, you inspired the insanity to come. I hope you're satisfied.**

**Thirty-nineth, to St0p: Good for you. You ride that Fredrick, girl or guy!**

**Fortieth to Starskulls, (the greatest authoress in the world!): Well, I hope you like this chapter.**

**Also, I'd like to thank I'll get to it. eventually, vividRegulator, dragoscilvio, SaprklyingGem and The-Silver-Butterfly150 for their contributions to these next chapters. They are the great people who allowed me to borrow their amazing stories to make the rest of you wet your pants. Please read their stories and review and favorite. They deserve it.**

**I am also going to warn you, this chapter was so long when I finished that I decided to cut it into several chapters. This is the first. The others will follow after a few hours.**

**And on that exceedingly happy and long-winded note, I'm now gonna start this chapter. ENJOY!**

* * *

It took an hour at least to gather the Guardians again. Sandy was in South America at the time.

He was hovering on his dream-sand cloud far above the huts of a village in Brazil, sending down sweet dream after sweet dream to a household of eleven. One dream about being a wild hunter, one about being a soccer star, a few about riding different animals in races, and one which featured the dreamer in a dancing contest. Not a single nightmare or bad dream to be seen.

As Sandy sent down one last strand of dream-sand and turned to head off to the east, where his cloud castle was floating high above the tree tops, he noticed a glowing shimmer appear over the horizon.

At first, Sandy thought it was the sun, climbing over the tops of the trees. Then he realized that it was seven and a half hours until sunrise. He peered at the glow. It was bright, and colored! An Aurora Borealis. The signal for a meeting of the Guardians.

Sandy rolled his eyes. This was the second meeting called in the two days! The first one had been undoubtedly amusing and had allowed them to let off some steam, but they all had jobs to do! Bunny had to paint his eggs, North had to build his toys, Tooth had to collect her teeth, Jack had to spread his snowy fun and he still had about three continents and a dozen more cities to visit! What was so important that North had to call another meeting?!

Sandy sighed, then he raised his golden hands and the dream sand cloud slowly transformed into his favorite dream sand plane. He pulled on his aviator's glasses, clipped on his seat belt, gunned the throttle and headed north. North had better have a good excuse for this latest meeting.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tooth was in her palace. Big surprise.

"Two lateral incisors. Munich. 4113 Aero drive. A canine and central incisor. Hong Kong. Ji Hai street, number 532." She said with the speed of a auctioneer. Two fairies flying by nodded and sped off towards the coin area. Tooth watched them go and sighed contentedly. She saw a picture of another new tooth under a pillow of a eight-year-old girl with red hair and freckles. The girl was breathing slowly and a small smile was creeping across her face. A golden sand image was floating above her head and Tooth's smile widened when she saw that the image was one of the girl and a kitten, rolling around in a huge meadow full of flowers. Oh, how she loved her job.

The image disappeared in her mind's eye and she said automatically, "Premolar. Corner of twenty-third and Greene." A fairy buzzed up to her elbow, squeaked, nodded and buzzed off.

Tooth smiled again and headed to the Tooth Towers to make sure everything was going well. Each tower represented a continent, and there were several thousand sections that divided the tooth containers and kept them organized. It had taken her fairies at least half a year to get every tooth container back in it's proper place, following Pitch's short-lived take-over. The other Guardians had tried to help but they couldn't get their heads around the sorting system, so Tooth had told them it was alright and that she could do it by herself.

As she flew past the the Asia tower, she noticed Baby Tooth squeaking to a group of fairies by the eastern wall. Tooth frowned. Baby Tooth seemed agitated and worried about something.

When she saw her mother, Baby Tooth let out a loud squeak and zoomed over to her, chittering and pointing up to the palace entrance.

"Baby Tooth, Baby Tooth, slow down! What's wrong?" Tooth asked the little fairy-girl. Baby Tooth squeaked and flew upwards, towards the ceiling. Tooth followed the miniature fairy with her eyes and when she saw what Baby Tooth was so irritated about, she groaned.

"Oh no. Not another one!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Jack was just finishing up in Vancouver, Canada when he saw the lights. He was flying through the bitter-cold air- not that it bothered him -surfing on his staff.

"YEAH!" He yelled happily, going into a steep dive. He was nearly fifteen he thousand feet up and he descended at a rate of thirty feet a second. About a hundred feet from the ground, he pulled up sharply and zoomed down a deserted street.

Jack loved speeding. He loved the wind whipping past his face and the thrill of pulling out of a deep dive. It was amazing.

Jack flew low over the street, barely managing to duck and dodge trash cans, branches and all manner of things.

A branch_. _"OW_!_"

A cat. "_Meow!"_

A human.

Jack didn't have time to duck or dodge and he passed right through a tall blonde woman in a thick black coat wearing four-inch stiletto heels. The heels actually had more impact than the initial passing-through, because since the heels made the woman three inches taller and since Jack was flying at about head height for him, his head passed right through the woman's chest.

"Whoa! OK, didn't mean to do that!" Jack said, pulling up short and hopping off the staff, the woman just kept on walking. Jack shuddered and turned to take off again. Then he saw something that made him freeze.

Jack moaned. "Oh gods North, NOW what?!" He muttered sullenly, taking to the air. He rose three-hundred feet up and hovered, staring at the rainbow lights that rolled across the sky. Reds, yellows, greens, blues, turquoise and at least a dozen other colors. It was beautiful. Jack had an appreciation for natural beauty, snow being the most beautiful natural occurrence on the earth. The Aurora Borealis was a close second though.

Jack took off again, holding tightly to his staff, flying towards the North Pole. It took him several hours and he got side-tracked three times by snow-storms and kids playing outside. Then he had to dodge at least two flocks of geese as they flew north in their V-pattern.

"Yikes! Hey, watch it!" He said angrily, dodging a goose that honked at him.

"_HONK!"_

"Honk yourself!" Jack sticking out his tongue He could be quite immature at times.

He spotted Santoff Clausen after about twenty minutes. The huge stone building dominated the white icy surroundings. He could see the brown wooden roofs, the huge glass windows and the balcony opening where the Moon shone in. Jack headed for the balcony. As he got closer, he saw several figures crowded around a table in front of the huge green and blue globe. Sandy, small and cloaked in gold, hovering above the floor; Tooth, also hovering above the ground, talking to little green glimmering creatures. Baby Teeth. North, sitting in a huge brown wooden chair and crunching on a plate of cookies. Bunny, leaning against the wall examining his boomerangs. They were talking to each other, but every so often one or two of them glanced at something in a corner.

"I wonder what they're looking at," Jack mused, cocking his head to the left. "Might at well go down there and see."

Jack flew down, down, down. The balcony was coming up fast. Jack silently told the wind to ease up. It did. Slowly and slowly the wind eased up and then, after a few minutes the wind stopped altogether. Without the wind hampering him he hurtled down towards the balcony. Jack curled his legs up towards his chest and clutched his staff in a bear-hug, the he bent his head and the slip-stream caught him and sent him whirling head over heels like a cannon-baller.

"YEEEEEEEHAWWWW!" Jack shouted, rolling through the air. The balcony came rushing up to meet him and the only thing that stopped him from breaking his neck was his lightning-fast reaction-time. He unfurled from his cannon-ball form just before he hit the stone floor and his feet landed solidly, causing the stone floor around him to ripple and a few things attached to the ceiling above to shake.

The Guardians all jumped when they heard Jack's yell. North nearly toppled over in his chair and Bunny dropped his boomerangs. Jack smiled when he landed and his smile broadened when he saw the shocked expressions on their faces.

"JACK!" They all yelled in sync. All except Sandy. He just made a golden sand image of Jack.

Jack smiled, though his feet were killing him. He spread his arms wide and said, "That's my name, don't wear it out!"

The Guardian's faces were priceless.

North's blue eyes were wide and his mouth was split in a large smile. He was still wearing his usual red shirt, tucked into thick black pants and his fairly large stomach had slimmed down a bit. He still looked like Santa Clause, but he was a _trimmed_ Santa Clause.

Tooth's fuchsia eyes were also wide and her hummingbird wings were beating faster and faster. The rainbow feathers on her head were flexing and ruffling, like the feathers of a bird. Her tiny bird-girl daughters were twittering and laughing, flying around their mother and zooming over to him and nuzzling his ear.

Bunny's amazed expression was quickly being replaced by a look of annoyance. "Bloody showpony." he muttered.

Sandy wasn't so surprised. He still looked the same. Small, gold and happy. A cross between Buddha, Indiana Jones and Carl Marx, as Jack put it. His smile was widening slightly.

"Jack," North said, striding over and trying to shake off the amazement. "Good to see you boy!"

Jack hugged the large man, barely reaching his pale long hands around the man's torso. "Good to be seen!" He replied.

"Jack!" Tooth said, zipping over to Jack and hugging the pale winter spirit gently. "It's been too long!"

Jack rolled his eyes. "Tooth, it's been less than a day. By the way," he turned to North. "Why the fancy light-show, North? Another crisis?"

Sandy waved his hands to get Jack's attention and pointed to the thing in the corner. It was a small black computer.

Jack stared at the machine, then he looked back at the Guardians. "OK, did North's computer fail?" Then he saw a blinking light on the monitor and he looked back at North. "OK, so the computer's working. So what's the big deal?" he asked.

"Jack, we've had another E-mail." North said, gesturing to the computer. "It's another from the person named Mystichawk."

Jack blinked, then a smile crept across his face. The last E-mail Mystichawk sent had them all laughing and rolling on the floor. It was great, and probably the most steam the others had let off in ages. The other Guardians really needed to loosen up. Have a little fun once in a while. Maybe this would give them th excuse they needed to relax and stop worrying so much, particularly Tooth and North. Those two were such worry-warts.

"Really? What did she say?" he asked innocently.

North gestured to the computer again. "See for yourself. The E-mail is still on-screen."

Jack's face split into a smile, then he walked across the room and seated himself in the chair, leaning forward to read the E-mail. The other Guardians followed and stood behind him. Tooth and Sandy hovered above Jack's head height and Bunny and North stood right behind him, eading over Jack's shoulder. Jack didn't like people reading over his shoulder and he knew that the Guardians could barely see the tiny screen, so he chose to read _it aloud._

_"To the Guardians,"_ he said. "_My name will remain anonymous, but you can call me Mystic."_

_"Um, okaaaaaay." Jack said, wondering if 'Mystic' watched too many dramas on T.V. _

_"I have been watching you, Guardians. Aster, Nicholas, Toothiana, Sanderson, Jackson. But not in a bad way. I have been watching you, and I have seen your defeat of Pitch Black." _

Jack stopped, his eyebrows raised.

"Well? Read on!" Bunny said impatiently.

"She saw our fight?" Jack asked, turning to look at North. He was still smiling.

"Yes, I vondered about that too." North said. "Ve never saw any humans, besides the children, at the battle. So how does she know?"

Jack's smile widened. "Remember that movie about us? She probably saw the movie and tried to make it sound like she'd actually seen the real fight."

The other Guardians groaned. "Of course!" Bunny said, slapping his face with his paw. "I can't believe we-"

"I can't believe ve thought that she might've somehow seen the fight." North interrupted.

"You guys are so gullible." Jack said, snickering.

"Oh shut up." Bunny muttered.

Jack smiled and turned back to the computer.

_"Make no mistake, I am angry about that. (Though he undoubtedly deserved it and he was a real prat.) Honestly. One does not throw temper tantrum and try to end the world, just because one didn't get any attention for a few hundred years. Jack didn't, did he?"_

Jack frowned. "No, I didn't."

_"Well, he did, but that was when you guys found him and let's face it: Jack is an immortal kid. Temper tantrums come regularly, especially when they pertain to a certain flop-eared Bunny."_

Jack frowned again. "Hey!" he said indignantly.

Bunny rubbed his ears, then chuckled. "The kid tells it like it is, Jackie-boy."

Jack was about to snap out a sharp retort but Sandy held up a golden sand-ball threateningly and pointed to the two of them, then to the ball.

His message was clear. _Cut it out, the both of you! Or everyone goes sleepy-bye._

"OK, my bad. Got it Sandy. You can put that away." Bunny said nervously, taking a step away from the tiny man. What was it about diminutive people that made them so powerful?

Jack smiled and went back to the E-mail.

_"__Jokes aside, Pitch was one of my favorite characters. I say WAS, because now he certainly is not. Now that I've met him face to screen, I can say with absolute accuracy that he is a self-absorbed, narcissistic, greasy-haired, not-EVEN-scary jerk._

Jack was laughing now. His laughter was loud and bright, like the sound of tinkling crystal. "She-" he said, trying to speak through his laughter. "She is so right!"

"Will you shut up?!" Tooth said sharply. "I can barely read this, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't leave us hanging!"

Jack's laughter rapidly subsided and he shrunk low in his seat. An annoyed Tooth wasn't something you wanted to be in the same room with and he resumed the story in a quieter voice.

Bunny and North snickered.

_"Pitch honestly was one of my favorite characters, (if only because of his hair,) but he sure isn't now. No, that spot now belongs to a small golden sandbag with a big smile and really nice hair._

Sandy's eyes widened as Jack read and when he paused Sandy did a little dance in mid-air, fist-pumping and bobbing his golden head back and forth. It looked like an Irish disco-jig.

"OK Mr. Chubby sandbag." Tooth said, punching Sandy's shoulder when he stopped dancing. Her fist went right through Sandy's shoulder and she pulled it out immediately. "Oops. Sorry Sandy."

Sandy brushed off the hole in his shoulder and golden said immediately covered it. In a second it looked like there had never been a hole. He lifted his hand and raised his thumb.

_It's all good._

"Ahem." Jack said, resuming._ "__Anyway. . . I have been watching and I have decided to make you an offer. An offer which I'm sure Bunnymund Jack and Tooth will accept instantly. _

Tooth turned back to the screen. "An offer?" she asked. "What kind of offer?

Jack shrugged.

"I might accept, but it depends on what kind of offer it is," Bunny said.

Jack nodded. "I agree with the rabbit." Then he frowned, thinking, _Why does she think that only me and Tooth and Bunny will accept? I wonder what she has in mind._

"_I've seen the stories posted on the Internet." __He resumed again. __"I've seen the stories and the comics drawn about you guys, and I've seen the videos on Youtube about you guys. No doubt Bunny's read quite a few too. And in all those stories I've seen people portray Pitch almost always exactly how he is: a selfish, egotistical, moronic stooge with a tendency to cross-dress._

Jack let out a loud laugh and the others smirked.

"'A tendency to cross-dress?'" Jack repeated, raising his eyebrows. "Oh. I suppose she means the robe."

"I think 'moronic stooge' is the best description of Pitch Black I've ever heard." Bunny said, laughing.

Sandy nodded, making a small image of a pair of Pitchs that ran at each other and knocked their heads together.

"Heh. Yeah," Jack said, glancing back and seeing the picture. "Pitch _could_ be one of the stooges."

The others laughed.

_"Despite this, he is a person, and as a person he should be bad-mouthed as anyone should be bad-mouthed. To their face."_

Jack nodded, folding his arms. "Touché" he said.

Tooth couldn't help herself. Jack's commentary and the other male Guardians were annoying her too much and she read the last bits of the E-mail before Jack could begin again.

_"And so my offer to you is this: I will provide you with material about Pitch, and in return you get payback for all the pain and annoyance he's put you through.  
Take a minute to think it over. I was an answer soon, though. And by soon, I mean in three hours or less. Goodbye."_

Jack blinked, re-reading the last four sentences. "In three hours or less," he repeated. Then he turned to North and the others. "How long ago-"

"Two and a half hours." North replied before the winter spirit could finish. "I immediately called the others, but it took time. I'm still not completely sure what this girl means, but I knew that I could not answer without a consent from the rest of you."

Jack nodded appreciatively. "I think that was smart." He said. "As for the offer, I have no idea what she means."

North was stroking his heard gently, staring at the screen. "I am not sure either. I don't know vat she means by 'pain he's put us through'. Annoyance, yes. But pain? Pitch had never physically hurt us, except for Sandy."

Sandy reached behind him and felt his back. He could feel a slight throbbing between his shoulder-blades where the arrow Pitch had shot landed. It didn't hurt, but it reminded him of the Nightmare War. The feeling of incredible fear he had felt when the black sand had consumed him.

Tooth raised her head. "I think that's what she means. The pain Sandy felt, the pain I felt when Pitch stole my fairies and the teeth. The pain Bunny felt when Pitch smashed his eggs. I think that's what she means."

Bunny was nodding slowly. "Yeah, yeah and she's giving us the chance to get some of our own back!" he said excitedly. "That's what she meant when she said that Tooth and Jack and me would take her up on her offer. I don't know about you two," he said to Jack and Tooth. "But if there's a way this kid can give us a way to get back at Pitch for the Nightmare War, I'm taking it!"

Tooth nodded. "I agree. Pitch should pay for what he's done to my fairies and me."

Jack smiled. "I thought you punched his tooth out for your fairies." He teased.

"I did." She said. "I'm not talking physical pain. We Guardians don't do that." Tooth smiled evilly. "I'm talking humiliation."

Jack's eyes widened. "Tooth, are you suggesting we use this as an opportunity to make fun of the Boogeyman?"

Tooth's evil smile widened and Jack could see a mischievous glint in her eye. A glint that he'd seen in the eyes of many children just before they'd instigated a huge snowball fight.

"No." she said slowly. "I'm suggesting that we simply use this offer as an opportunity to balance the scales. What goes around comes around, as they say."

Jack's smile grew to match Tooth's. "I agree." Then he turned to Bunny.

"I'm in," Bunny said immediately. "If it gives me a chance to make fun of that wanker, I'll do it!"

Sandy was a little uncomfortable with the conversation. He didn't like the whole 'revenge' deal. Revenge instilled anger and hate, and that wasn't what the Guardians dealt in. Still, it might be fun to have a few jokes at the Boogeyman's expense. He smiled, then stuck out his thumb.

_I guess I'm in. _

North knew that his input wasn't going to do much good. The other three were already excited about whatever they were going to do to Pitch. What happened from here-on out all depended on the girl. Mystichawk said that she was going to give them material about Pitch, and he knew that it had something to do with the site she'd already shown them. He smiled.

"Well, I guess it would not hurt to have a friendly battle with Pitch over the internet." he said hesitantly. "But nothing distasteful." He warned.

Jack Tooth and Bunny shook their heads. "Nothing distasteful." Jack promised.

"Got it." Bunny said, saluting.

"Crystal clear." Tooth said, giving North the thumbs up.

North and Sandy shared a look and Sandy nodded. _Fine._

"Alright then." North said. "Jack, can you send a-"

He was interrupted by a small beeping noise from the computer. The Guardians glanced back at it and Jack saw that there was a new message for North.

"Hey North, you've got another one." He said, clicking on the message. It wasn't from Mystichawk. The E-mail address said EvilKingofDarkness27.

"Now I wonder who _that _is," Jack muttered. He opened the E-mail and scrolled down to read the thick script. Yep. It was from Pitch.

"_Dear Guardians," _it said. _"I_ _would like to thank you for the delightful story you read to me a few hours ago. It was a delightful and incredibly well-written diversion from my usual boring evening and as such, I would like to return the favor."_

"That does not sound good," Jack muttered.

"_I've compiled a group of well-written and incredibly amusing stories that feature you five, because you've been so kind to send me a story about myself. The first is a fascinating specimen about Jack. Do enjoy! Sincerely, Pitch Black."_

Jack didn't want to scroll down. He really didn't. What horrible story had Pitch found?

"Well? Scroll!" Bunny said, poking the boy in the back. "I wanna see what Pitch is talking about."

Jack grumbled. "Why do we have to read the one about _me _first?" he asked.

"Because it's the first." Bunny said. "Now scroll." he couldn't wait to read the story about Jack. Little did he know that it wouldn't just be about Jack.

Jack scrolled and read the title. "'Ghost-stories and Other tales,'" he read aloud. "By Drag, drago- I can't pronounce that!" he said, pointing to the long complicated name.

"Dra. . .go. . .scil . . vi. . .o." Bunny pronounced slowly. "What kind of a username is that?"

Jack shrugged. "Their name, I guess."

"Read!" Tooth ordered, poking Jack.

Jack read. "Chapter eight. Baby Ja-" He stopped. "Oh no." his eyes were wide. The chapter title alone scared him. Just what kind of story was this?

"_Baby_ Jack?" Bunny read, scanning the E-mail. "Oh boy. I'm reading this!" he said happily, pushing Jack off the chair. Jack landed on his rear, but he jumped up alost immediately so that he wouldn't miss any of the story.

_Oh moon, _he thought._ Please don't be about me as a human! Please don't be about me as a human! _

"_'Oh this is going to be fun."_

_This was the first time that Jack said this phrase and actually felt sarcastic towards it. Normally he faced life head on, with no fear of what may come, but this situation was different._

_Jack didn't like the desert, not during the day at least, and he certainly never wanted to spend time there, especially not for a battle; but here he was fighting in the sand dunes of Arizona, trying his best not to melt. Who were they battling? Not Pitch, and that fact alone made Jack frustrated. Dragging his butt out there for Pitch would have been understandable, but this particular problem was not high on his priority list, and his name was Chikashi.'"_

Bunny paused. "I heard of Chikashi. Wimpy little guy, wasn't he?"

North nodded. "Yes. Moved to Arazona in the nineteen twenties."

Tooth made shushing sound at North and gestured for Bunny to continue.

"'_Now Chikashi was the Native American Indian spirit of the Trickster, and for the past few months this idiot had been making mirages out of sandstorms, and leading people into them just to watch them stumble around lost. Chikashi thought it hilarious, but the guardians did not, especially when most of those who died were children. So here they were, fighting Chikashi, trying to convince him that his mirages were a really bad joke._

_"Look dude," Jack panted as he wiped sweat from his face with the sleeve of his hoodie. "I can appreciate a good joke. I mean, I AM the guardian of FUN, but this is getting really out of hand!"_

_"What do you know!" Chikashi taunted. "You've only been around for three hundred years, while I've been around for much longer than that!"_

_"Listen to the boy, mate" Bunny said as he casually twirled his boomerang expertly. "Normally I don't agree with the blighter, but in this case I hate to say he's right. Besides, if you decide not to you will have to deal with me. And that, mate. . . is not something that you want."_

_"Indeed!" North cut in brandishing his swords to emphasize his words "You do not wish to mess with us, Chikashi. That would be bad idea."_

_Chikashi made a show of thinking things over and then let a grin split his face "Actually you're wrong, I DO want to mess with you, and I know just how to do it."_

_Turning around, the trickster gave an evil grin towards Jack. "You think you're so superior now that you're a guardian." Chikashi snarled. "But I'm going to play my best trick yet, and you get to be the lucky person who enjoys all the fun!"_

_Before Jack could react, the trickster dove towards the winter spirit, and grabbed him by the throat. The guardians stood and watched with horror filled eyes as a bright light enveloped the two of them, before finally Chikashi stepped away leaving Jack crumpled on the ground gasping as he labored to bring air back into his lungs. The trickster began to walk away, dusting his hands off with a self satisfied smirk.'"_

"What did he do?!" Tooth nearly squeaked.

_"'What did you do?" Toothiana cried, her angry lavender eyes laced with worry._

_"To Jack?" Chikashi asked innocently. "Oh nothing, except a little spell I conjured up especially for him."_

_"What kind of spell?" North growled._

_"You see, every spirit knows about the legendary rivalry between the Easter Bunny and Jack Frost," the trickster divulged. "I mean, it isn't a secret that they can't stand each other. So, in light of that information, I made a spell that will turn Jack into his worst nightmare."_

_As if on cue, Jack began to scream, his body curling up into a ball as his arms wrapped themselves around his middle. Sandman rushed over to the boy, his eyes wide with panic. The boy bucked and thrashed, his back arched from the sheer agony coursing through him. Chikashi merely smiled then, wiggling his fingers in a mocking goodbye wave, he disappeared in thin air._

_Everyone groaned at him getting away, but another anguished scream from their comrade brought them back to the crisis at hand. When they looked over to where he lay, they noticed something was wrong. Jack had gotten…smaller._

_Bunnymund hopped over, his nose twitching with apprehension, but when he reached the spot where the sprite had collapsed, he only found a wad of clothing. Reaching into the hoodie, the Pooka's eyes grew wide at what he found._

_"Ohhh crikey.'"_

_"'What?" Toothiana yelled. "What is it?!'"_

"What?" Tooth squeaked again. "What is it?"

Bunny turned to look at her. "You really like doing that, don't ya sheila?"

Tooth punched him on the arm and Bunny turned back to the computer.

"_'Sandy, North, and Tooth held their breaths as Bunny turned around holding something delicately in his arms, and all felt their jaws drop when they realized what it was. Jack had been turned into a small snowy white baby Pooka.'" _

The Guardian's jaws dropped.

"A POOKA?!" they all yelled, staring at the screen.

Jack's eyes were wide, Bunny's jaw was dropped comically, Tooth's eyes were bugging out of her head and North has the most ridiculous look on his face. His wide mouth screwed up in a mix between a smirk and frown and his eyes were wide with amazement and confusion. Only Sandy had remained silent. He was smiling with his hands folded over his chest.

"He turned me into a _baby Pooka_?!" Jack said aghast. "Oh gods, that IS my worse nightmare!"

Bunny just stared at the screen. He was reading a bit farther down. His eyes got bigger with each sentence. The others noticed.

"_'Oh. . . my. . ." Tooth murmured in shock._

_North bent down to look at the small bundle of fur. "Is this what I think it is?"_

_"Yeah" Bunny nodded "Our snowflake got turned into a Pooka, and a baby one at that. Judging by his ears not standing up on their own and his eyes still being closed, he must be less than a week old. Meaning he is going to need special care just to survive."_

_"I could take care of him!" Tooth volunteered._

_"Nah, Sheila" Bunny smiled gently. "Not that I don't trust ya, but you're pretty busy and a baby bunny needs constant care."_

_"I could look after him!" North shrugged._

_"What, and risk him getting stepped on by a yeti, or experimented on by an elf? No, mate." Bunny declared sternly. "I don't think the workshop is the right place for a Pooka. Babies need to stay warm, which would be difficult when you live at the North Pole."_

_Sand floated over and made an image with his sand of Baby Jack sleeping next to an egg, to which North nodded in exuberant agreement. "I agree Sandy, is very good idea. Then it is settled."_

_"Wait, what?" Bunny asked in confusion. "What's settled?"_

_"Jack will stay with you." North declared happily._

_"WHOA! No…" the rabbit chuckled nervously. "You can't be serious?!'"_

"You can't be serious. . ." Bunny said, staring at the screen. "I get stuck with taking care of a kit?! Oh great."

Tooth's face was bright and excited. "I'm reading the rest!" she declared. "Since you _guys _obviously don't know the meaning of the words 'silence while reading.'"

Bunny didn't argue. He gave up his seat easily and Tooth slid into it, flapping her wings to keep them free.

"_Why wouldn't I be?" Father Christmas asked innocently. "Like you say, Sandy and Tooth would be too busy to give baby Pooka the care it needs, and the workshop is too dangerous. So the best person to care for a baby Pooka, is a Pooka, no?"_

_Bunny looked down at the bundle in his arms just in time to see him yawn and snuggle his sensitive twitching nose deep into Aster's fur. It was in that second that something melted inside the large rabbit. Rolling his eyes and giving a groan of resignation the bunny finally relented._

_"Fine," he said quietly. "I'll take care of him. I'm the only person qualified to do so, so it might as well be me."_

_"Good!" North exclaimed happily. "Now I will go back to Pole and look for a way to cure Jack, you take him back to warren, and I will contact you if I find anything."_

_Sandy waved goodbye before flying off in his plane, while Tooth merely gave a wide grin at the bunny before flying off herself. Watching as North took off in his sleigh through the snow globe portal, Bunny heaved a sigh at the cards fate had dealt him._

_"All right snowflake," Bunny grumbled "Let's get ya home."_

_Swinging his pouch over his chest, Bunny put Jack into the impromptu sling, then tapping the ground to make a hole into the tunnels, Bunny hopped towards home._

_xxXxx_

_"Aw come on Jack!" The Pooka exclaimed. "Ya gotta eat mate!"_

_It had been an hour since they had arrived back at the warren, and Bunny had not wasted time taking his duties as surrogate parent to the new arrival very seriously. Seeing the blue tinge to his skin, and the way his stomach was sunken in, Aster knew that a bottle of warm milk was on the schedule. Now a Pooka is like a rabbit, except for the fact that it is much bigger. So a newborn Pooka was the size of a full grown rabbit, much like a human baby, except for the fact that it still needed the care required for a rabbit. And so this was why Aster currently found himself with a specially crafted baby bottle, holding Jack against him, trying to convince the tyke to eat his meal. Again and again, the rabbit teased the baby Pooka's mouth with the bottle, but he just would latch on!_

_"Look mate," Bunny said sternly. "I don't know if you can understand me, but a baby bunny's gotta eat up to five times a day, and you are gonna take your milk whether you want to or not!"_

_Finally after what felt like hours of coaxing, the baby took the bottle in his teeth,and drank hungrily, leaving Aster a relieved mess._

_Later that night, Aster placed Jack in a makeshift crib, muttering about stupid kids and their ideas of what makes a good joke. Walking to his side of the room, the rabbit was just about to get comfortable when a soft whine began to sound from the crib. It turned into what almost sounded like a whimper mixed with a hoot, which Aster knew to be what a rabbit sounds like when it is crying. Burying his face into his paws, he lifted himself off the soft grass of his nest, and walked over back to where he had placed Jack. Looking down into the box, the bunny shook his head in what he could not help but admit was amusement at the sight._

_Jack had buried his nose into the corner of the wooden box, one little paw gently scratching the wood as he called out for his parent. Finally giving up on that, he hopped to the middle of the box, and crawled under the blanket, his cries growing louder as he searched for the soothing smell and warmth of the one caring for him._

_Leaning his head down into box, Bunny nudged the little lump with his nose, chuckling as the white ball of fluff burst from the blanket and latched his little paws onto Bunny's said appendage. Jack touched noses with bunny over and over again ecstatically before rubbing his head against the Pooka's larger one. Aster couldn't help but feel a ball of emotion get lodged in his throat at the happy greeting. Touching noses was the way a rabbit said hello, and it had been so long since he had touched noses with another Pooka. Granted, this one was not a born Pooka, and would eventually return back to his original state, but that did not mean that aster appreciated the act any less. Reaching into the box, Bunny couldn't help but smile at what he knew was a sure sign he was going soft, and carried the baby over to his nest._

_"All right ya little ankle biter" he said tenderly "If it means you won't cry, then ya can sleep with me."_

_Lying down, he let loose of the white bunny, and watched it fondly as it sniffed out a good place to sleep. Finally Jack crawled between Bunny's arms, and laid his head across the muscular bicep. Aster laid his head down, nuzzling the little bunny to let him know all was well, then fell asleep with a baby curled up against him.'"_

Tooth stopped. Her eyes were brimming with happy tears. "Oh my gosh, this is so cute!" she gushed. "With- you! And baby Jack! And. . ." she looked about ready to burst. "SNUGGLING!" she squealed, clasping her hands around her chest to try and stop herself from giggling. "This is great!"

Bunny and Jack were both red in the face and North was laughing.

"Oh _nebo!_" North said, leaning against the wall. His face was pink and he was laughing long and strong. "That is the most adorable thing I've ever read!" He said.

* * *

Nebo: Russian for heavens. Like, Oh goodness or good grief!

* * *

Bunny was so embarrassed. He thought this story was about Jack, not him! And now he was having to take care of a baby Jack-Pooka! He knew this wasn't going to end well. Bunny hid his red face in his paws, but he couldn't stop his ears from glowing pink.

Tooth saw his pink ears and she unleashed her inner fan-girliness. She clapped her hands together and beamed. "Bunny, you're a FATHER!" she cooed, bouncing up and down.

"No I'm not!" Bunny barked. To be honest, it sounded more like a yip. He moaned, wishing he could pop into one of his tunnels until this was all over. He would never live this down.

Jack's face was even brighter. His cheeks were pink and he had his fingers stuck in his pockets. Why would anyone write a story about him being turned into a baby Pooka? He mentally shrugged. Eh. Whatever the reason, he knew he, like Bunny, would probably never live this down.

Tooth began to read again and the boy and the bunny's faces got steadily redder. Tooth smiled as she read. This story was so darn cute! Jack as a baby Pooka! She would like to see _that_!

They were on the second chapter now.

Tooth read through several more paragraphs, her smile growing larger with each minute she read.

Jack felt like he wanted to die. Die of embarrassment; That's what he wished he could do. He was about to do it anyway, so why delay the inevitable?

Bunny felt the same. The story was probably good, by human standards, but it was embarrassing to him! He glanced over to Jack. The boy was looking down at his feet. His face was red.

Bunny sighed. "You know what?" He said, interrupting Tooth.

The others looked at him. "What?" Tooth asked.

Bunny forced himself to smile. He was sick of being embarrassed. It was the one thing he really hated and he knew that the only way to laugh this all off was to, well. . . laugh it all off.

"This is pretty good." he said, forcing himself to say the words. He didn't want to, but it was better to admit that the story was good and ease the tension that had erupted between Jack and him. More mutual embarrassment than tension, really. "I like this story."

* * *

**Yup. Dat's it. don't worry, the next one is coming.**


	5. Sandy Gets An Unwanted Date

**Aloha Humani! Part two of what I'm calling 'The greatest viral war of the age.' **

**I'd like to thank the writers who helped me write this and other chapters. ****I'll get to it. eventually, vividRegulator, dragoscilvio, SaprklyingGem and The-Silver-Butterfly150 are the real authors of these chapters. Thanks guys. Hope you like this next chapter. **

* * *

The others' faces were full of shock. They'd been expecting him to start yelling about the story, not complimenting it. Jack's face was full of the most confusion and shock.

"Really?" Jack asked, staring at the six-foot tall rabbit. Bunny shifted uncomfortably.

"Really." Bunny said. "I think it's an interesting idea. Jack as a Pooka. I'd like to read the rest."

Tooth stood up numbly and let the Pooka take the seat. Bunny read the rest without comment and when he finished, they were all smiling.

"That was a good story." Jack finally said. "Impossible, but a really good story."

Bunny smiled. "Sure, _Snowball_." He said, reaching over and rubbing the younger boy's white hair. "And now we'll know exactly what to do if you _do _get turned into a baby Pooka."

Jack smiled. "Yeah, but I'm not gonna let that happen. This is a cautionary tale." he said, looking into the big rabbit's eyes.

The emotional tension was broken when North let out an emotional sob and wrapped his thick arms around Jack and Bunny. "My sons!" he said, heaving theatrical sobs. "Moi synov'ya! My sons!"

"North!" they both tried to shirk away from the huge Russian man but he held them tightly, nearly cracking a few ribs and definitely squeezing the wind out of them.

Tooth was laughing and Sandy was looking everywhere for a camera.

After North and the others got over their drama-moment, they began to laugh. North let out loud booming guffaws, Tooth twittered, Sandy laughed silently, Bunny chuckled, and Jack's shoulders were shaking with laughter as he doubled up, clutching his stomach.

"Well," Bunny said after Jack's giggling fit subsided. "That was some of the best reading I've ever done. If Pitch thinks this stuff is going to be even a quarter of as embarrassing as _his_ story, then he's in for a surprise."

Jack nodded. "Yeah. That _was_ pretty good. " he admitted. "But Pitch said there was one for each of us."

Bunny nodded. He said, "That one was for Jack, but I have a feeling it was for me also. Let's see what else our tall, dark and creepy friend has for us."

Jack nodded and they all turned back to the computer screen. Jack scrolled down and began to read aloud.

"_These next stories are a gift to all of you. They are short stories, but there are quite a few of them. I hope you enjoy!"_

Jack paused. "For everyone?" He asked, looking at North.

North shrugged. "Maybe he couldn't find stories for the rest of us separately."

Jack shrugged in response and began to read again, "The Code of the Guardians. By The-Silver-Butterfly150. Okaaaaaay."

Bunny snorted. "We don't care about the name! Just read the story!"

"Will do." Jack said. "Chapter one: The Golden Rule.

"_It was one of Jack's worst days. The rain was pouring hard and it is just the perfect time for North to summon them for a meeting. He didn't hate the rain, he just dislikes it, mainly because the wind was violent at this time, lashing him around like a rag doll and making him feel nauseous, and besides, rain does not go well with his zero degree body temperature._

_He finally arrived on his destination in the North Pole where the cold was welcoming. The sun sat happily above the sky and there was no sign of rain clouds any where._

_Frost had began to trail his damp hoodie, stiffening him all over, that part he hated the most, his body freezes everything damp and turns them to ice._

_He stands in front of the giant maple brown doors of Santoff Claussen, seemingly made out of chocolate cookies at ginger bread with icing decorated on the rounded edges. But it wasn't and the true surface was made of wood that looked like baked flour._

_The yetis open the doors wide, welcoming him with their gibberish language. It's like it was only yesterday that he found the North Pole and tried to bust in several times, having yetis throw him out every time he tried._

_He is happy, now that he was allowed to explore and venture the wonders of Santa's workshop."_

Jack paused. "The way this is written, it sounds like I'm reading a script."

Bunny poked his shoulder. "Read!" he commanded.

"_The familiar scent of peppermint filled the air along with the delightful smell of baking cookies and eggnog." _Jack began to read again.

"_The place was as tidy as ever, several dozens of gifts were already stacked up below the giants Christmas tree on the center of the lobby disregarding that it was only mid-summer. North sure knew how to be prepared to avoid procreating and last minute preparations._

_Several elves lined up on the winding staircase. Jack took a closer glimpse to find out that they were porcelain statues like the nutcrackers that stand by the tree. ____Well that's a new touch,__ he says to himself._

_But the place was abnormally quite. Usually it would have been bustling when they guardians were around, yetis rush over to serve eggnog, answer doors and do North's commands, but now all of them were gathered by the door way._

_Tooth's mini fairies would have been chirping, buzzing and darting around, exploring the wonders of the workshop, Bunny would have been complaining about how he had a lot of work to do and North's booming voice would have echoed the walls._

_But now it was still, there was no trace of noise neither, was there any trace of the guardians._

_He shrugs and throws himself on the big comfy brown couch nearby; concluding that he was early and North was probably in his workshop creating a new design of toys or something._

_He absentmindedly freezes an unlucky elf who happened to pass by, oh how much Jack loves too see the tiny little creatures frozen solid on spot._

_He could even play golf with them using his staff, he has done it several times before meetings, and he even got Sandy to do it with him."_

"JACK!" North said, putting his hands on his hips and looking from Sandy to Jack.

Jack smirked and Sandy pointed to the screen.

_It's all in the story._

Jack smirked again and began to read again.

"_Jacks shifts slightly, not comfortable with sitting still for a long time, he bolts to his feet and unfreezes the poor little elf who immediately ran as far away as he could._

_He decides to look around, after all, he was finally allowed in the Pole after 300 years of plotting strategies and tricks to slip past the yetis."_

"JACK!" North said again, glaring at the boy from underneath his bushy eyebrows.

Jack didn't turn around.

"_He paces around the Christmas tree, memorizing all it's fantastic detail. It was about ten feet tall coated with a stream of cotton to make it look like fresh fallen snow, transparent red baubles hung from each leaf. The top part was covered with bright pine poinsettia and the lower portion had artificial pine cones that glittered in the light. On the peak of the tree sat an angel statue dressed in a white gown, her wings seems to be moving to the breeze of the wind._

_Santoff Clausen is filled with endless wonders, but Jack is sick and tired of waiting and decides to check the globe room._

_He gathers a gust of wind from the open windows and propels himself up to the rafters and back down to the ground where he land right nest to the globe._

_Empty, it was empty, there wasn't even a stray yeti running around._

_Sighing, Jack stares at the globe, dotted with bright golden lights only it was more than before, he wonders how many believers he has out of those hundreds of lights._

_He gathers another gust of wind, this time a little bit more moderate that gently flings him to the other side which was the front door of North's work area._

_He expects the jolly man to be sitting on his desk, working on a prototype like he always does._

_He gently pushes the door open the heavy door with protesting windows, and to his disappoint, he sees nothing but an open window and a toy train sitting in the middle of the tracks._

_He strays through the hallways, curtly pushing each door he sees open. "Where could they be?" He asks to no one particular._

_Maybe it was one of those discussions that he wasn't allowed to hear. In instances North request him to leave the room for a brief moment while the others discuss something else. He always tried to listen through the doors but always fails."_

"JACK!"North said for the third time. This time Jack turned around.

"That I do not do!" he protested. "I don't listen at doors."

Bunny, Tooth and Sandy shared looks. "Shuuuuuuure." Tooth and Bunny said in unison.

Jack hmphed and turned back to the computer.

"_He didn't get why he was always shooed away, North never asks any __**other**__ member to leave while they discuss something else, ____was it because he was new? Or was it because they didn't trust him?_

Jack turned to glare at North. North coughed and gestured for him to go on.

"_Jack pushes another door halfheartedly, expecting to see either yetis or elves. But this time, four figures jolts slightly upon hearing the door creek open making Jack raise his staff thinking that someone was about to pounce on him._

_Once his eyes adjusted to the dim light, he relaxed when he sees the four guardians gathered around a cherry would table with the familiar thick brown book with the letter "G" on the center laid on the middle._

_"Oh, it's you guys," Jack lowers his staff and examines their faces. They were all wearing the same stern looks on their faces, except Bunny, who still looked the same as always, eye brows furrowed, arms crossed to his chest and a small egglette wobbled in front of him._

_"Ah, Jack" North is the first one to speak, "have a seat"_

_His eyes lands on the empty chair next to him, he leans his staff of the corner of the wall and hesitantly joins them._

_The four guardians stare at him, they look more like a set of parents ready to confer with their daughter's boy friend's daughter or something._

_"Um…so what are you guys doing?" he asks rubbing his neck awkwardly._

_"We were talking about you," Tooth said enthusiastically."_

"Big surprise." Jack muttered.

_"Um…what about me?"_

_"About you being a guardian, I mean a guardian has rules, and North thinks you need to learn them," she speaks fast and hyperactive, and it took Jack time to understand what she said._

_"She means you need to learn the rules that a guardian must follow," North clarified._

_"Oh, well okay," Jack simply says and shrugs, "So what am I supposed to do?"_

_Sandy happily points at the book set right in front of them._

_"I'm supposed to read that book," Jacks says with a shrug, "Sounds easy enough,"_

_"This is no joke, Frost, ya gotta take this seriously," Bunny stats angrily._

_Jack frowns, "These are rules, what fun do you expect me to make from them? Rules are boring,"_

"Uh, YEAH!" Jack said.

_"But they are important," North interjects, "these rules help us understand each other also to avoid angering each other."_

_"Wait a minute, you mean you guys wrote those rules?" asks Jack._

_"Yes, we did, we wrote everything we like and dislike so each of us knows." Tooth explains happily._

_Jack's lips pulls into a smirk. Bunny tenses up. He didn't like that look. Why was he the only one who thinks showing Jack the book was a bad idea?_

_"A few hundred years ago," North begins, "we were still getting to know each other, and, I have to say we get in argument all the time, am I right? No?" he turns to Bunny who rolls his eyes."_

"True." Bunny admitted.

_"This was my idea, to gather up each of our rules and policies to avoid angering each other."_

_"So when to I get to add my rules here?" Jack implores mischievously._

_"After, you read this." North lifts the book and hands it to the winter spirit who nearly topples over from the weight"._

"He heh. Like I say Snowflake," Bunny said, clapping Jack on the shoulder. "Ya need to pump some iron! Turn those weak, girly muscles into iron-hard biceps!"

Jack stuck out his tongue.

_"So, I'm supposed to carry this around Burgess?" he muses._

_"No, leave it here at the pole and come back anytime to finish," North advices. "Now, time for relaxation, it's getting hot here."_

_Jack couldn't keep his curiosity in control as his eyes constantly landed on the big thick book that settled on his thighs._

_He was sitting in a big red chair in front of the fireplace. He ran fingers through the sides of the golden yellow pages, but he didn't dare open it due to Bunny still glaring daggers at him. He began to wonder why Bunny was so worried about him seeing his written rules._

_After listening to a couple of North's random stories, Tooth and Sandy leaves early, confirming that they still had a lot of work to do over night._

_Bunny has also excused himself, reasoning that he still had a big job behind in the midst of July._

_North was beginning to get drowsy and wanted nothing more but a good night's rest._

_"Jack, you may come and go to read the book anytime you wish," says North._

_Jack nods and fakes a yawn, "But North, can I stay here tonight? I'm too lazy to travel back to Burgess."_

_"Of course you can!" the man booms, "you are always welcome here, any time you want."_

_"Thanks North," Jack flashes a smile and North takes off._

_Jack couldn't battle his curiosity anymore; in reality he wasn't even tired at all._

_He flips the book open and the first thing he sees was the oath he recited when he was proclaimed guardian. It was written in cursive gold letters, inside a rectangular printed box that resembled an ancient scroll._

_He flips the book to another page to find the word 'rules' printed on the middle._

_A smirk creeps onto his face; he instantly turns it to the other page._

_**Code 1: No one is to disturb North on Christmas Eve unless someone is about to die or Pitch Black has infiltrated the pole."**_

Jack paused. "Do you really have rules in the book?" He asked, turning to the other Guardians.

North shook his head. "No."

"A good thing too!" Bunny said, pointing to the rest of the chapter. "Read the rest!"

"_Jack nearly burst out laughing, "So this is the guardian rules? Who knew it could be this fun to mess with."_

_His mind seemed to be functioning on his own without permission as he instantly thinks up a plan._

_And the phrase 'someone is about to die' really helps._

"Uh oh." Everyone besides Sandy and Jack said.

"_It wasn't Christmas eve anyway, ____North could take a joke right? __Besides he wanted to see what North would say._

_He didn't feel like flipping to the other page anymore because he was already caught up with the current one._

_He bolts up his chair and marches to North's office._

_North hasn't gone to bed yet, he was about to before Jack came barging in his office door screaming "Help! Help," his arms waving up and down._

_"What is it?" he asks in puzzlement._

_"It's Bunny! Heisfreezingtodeathoutsidethepole!" the winter spirit blurts and rushes out the door, trying to hold back his laughter._

_"WHAT!?" North did not waste anymore time, he races after Jack, calling the yetis to follow._

_They run outside as fast as they could, North glanced wildly around the front clearing to see nothing but fallen snow. Jack suddenly collapses on the floor laughing his heart out._

_It took time for North to realize that it was just a joke, "I see you have read the rule book." He says sternly._

_"Sorry," Jack mutters in between laughter, "I couldn't help it."_

_"It's fine," he says, he already got used to the mischievous spirit's tricks and seemingly enjoys it._

_He knows Jack could take things seriously when he needed to, so he didn't bother restraining him._

_Jack couldn't stop laughing, oh how he wanted to tell Jamie everything."_

Jack could barely finish the paragraph. He was too busy laughing.

"Oh- oh goodness," he said, rocking back and forth in his chair, "This is great! Awesome!"

North glanced at the others and they all instantly had premonitions about what was going to happen next. And they all thought the same things:

"_This is not good."_

Jack read through the next three stories, pausing to comment and laugh at the ridiculous rules from the good. Never pull Bunny's ears, (no matter how big and floppy they were,) Never wake Sandy when he is in his dream-state, never ever under any circumstances give Tooth sugar- Tooth blushed when he read that one aloud. "I do not go hyperactive!" she protested.

"Shuuuuuuuuure." The male Guardians -bar Sandy- said as one.

Then Jack began to read the eleventh chapter.

"**North is NOT interested in getting a**-" Jack paused, glancing at North. "A wife?" He asked incredulously.

North was blushing. "I'm a bachelor." he muttered. "Always have been, always will be."

Jack blinked. "You know, I never actually asked you about that. I've seen about a dozen movies about Mrs. Clause-"

"I do not have a wife." North said with finality. "I have never had a wife and- no offense Tooth," He said, glancing at the female Guardian. "I do not want one."

Tooth smiled. She'd had this conversation with North a few hundred years ago. So had Bunny. Sandy hadn't rally cared.

"None taken." she said.

Jack shrugged. "OK. Got it. No wife. Going back to reading now."

He stopped almost as soon as he had started. "Mother Nature?!" he said incredulously. "I tried to get Mother Nature and North together? Wow."

Bunny was laughing. "Mother Nature?" he choked through his laughter. "HA! That's a laugh. Mother Nature is a stuffy old grouch with no interest in socializing and no interest in a personal life."

Tooth punched Bunny on the arm. "Be careful! Do you want this place to come down around your ears?!"

Jack smiled. Mother Nature was his boss and as such, he knew her quite well. It was true, she was a little more than obsessed with her work and she didn't like people. He could only imagine what would happen if he had really done what he'd done in the story.

Bunny shrugged. "This is North's place. Spirits aren't allowed to damage another spirit's home."

Tooth hmphed again. "Tell that to Pitch. He ruined my palace and he smashed your warren."

"Not directly." Bunny argued. "He only smashed my eggs and it was the kids who stopped believing that ruined your-" He paused. "Wait a minute." he said, frowning. "Why the heck am I defending that wanker?"

Tooth smiled and she teased Bunny. "No clue. Jack, I think you'd better start reading before poor Bunny's head explodes."

Bunny grumbled and Jack turned back to the screen, smirking.

"Chapter Thirteen. Tooth Plays Match-maker."

North moaned. "Not again!"

Tooth shot him an angry look and he cringed.

Jack figured he might as well keep reading.

_"Tooth has been a match-maker ever since she became a guardian. Technically she was stealing the role of cupid, actually cupid was one of her close friends. She wanted to ask cupid for help so North could have a little talk and maybe even fall in love with the immortal females she sent to the North pole instead of telling them to leave the first time he sees them. But too bad cupid's arrows only last for a day, and it will only work on Valentine's Day."_

"Thank goodness." North muttered.

Tooth shot him another look.

"_Right now North wasn't her target right now, she realized that the jolly man was happy on his own and he really didn't want anyone other than the guardians in the pole. She tried to hook Bunny up with Mother Goose too, but he just walked out. But she never thought of Sandy. The dream caster was always busy with spreading dreams to children. He hardly has time for himself, he never talk to other immortals and come to think of it. . . Sandy doesn't talk at all. He was always silent and he communicated through sand pictures._

"Thank goodness!" North exclaimed happily, sighing with relief. Then he glanced down at Sandy, who switched from staring horrified at the screen to glaring at North. "Oh, I mean- ah. . ." Sandy frowned. "I'm sorry, Sandy." North apologized, stuttering slightly.

Sandy stared moodily at the screen. Jack coughed and began to read again.

"_He really needed someone, and she knew just the person to help her find the perfect creature for the sand bag. Jack has recently taken interest in finding North someone, maybe he would help her find someone for Sandy too. Tooth didn't know anyone who would go well with Sandy's height and silence. She would have to venture the whole forest of magical creatures."_

Jack paused, waiting for North and Sandy to start protesting and sure enough there was the sound of bells behind him and he turned around to see Sandy pointing at North, him, the computer and Tooth, making golden sand images of hearts with arrows in them and a ring with an X through it.

North looked indignant. "Me? What have I to do with it? I'm a victim as much as you are!"

Jack chuckled.

_"She had no time to lose. Morning was the only time she was free. When night fell, she would have to go back to work with her mini-fairies. She fled to Burgess like a torpedo and within minutes she arrived in front of Jack who was resting on his usual spot on a tree by his lake. "Tooth?" he jumped a little, nearly toppling over the high tree. "What are you doing here?"_

_"I just need a little help," she settled on the tree with his, staring at him with wide amethyst eyes._

_"Need help. . . as in?" Jack sat up still a little startled from Tooth's sudden visit._

_"To set Sandy up with someone," she said. _

_Jack gave her an unsure look, "I don't know."_

_"Please? I think Sandy is really lonely and maybe he could use someone." Tooth clasped her hands together, begging._

Sandy stuck out his tongue and made a silent raspberry.

_"Maybe we should ask Sandy first. . . because he seems pretty happy to me." Jack leaped off his tree and stood on the icy surface of his lake._

Sandy wrung his hands in dramatic thank you to Jack.

_Tooth flew over to him, "Come on, we could try, trying won't hurt right?"_

_"Tooth," Jack knew how hard it is to get rid of Tooth's habits. He can't stop her from prying his mouth open all the time to check his pearly white teeth. If he couldn't get rid of that habit, he won't be able to get rid of her match making habits either._

_"Yeah, but does Sandy have time?" Jack tried to reason his way out of it._

_"No, he has a lot of time during the day like me, when no one is sleeping." she retorted. Jack found himself stuck in a spider web like a bug. "Um….but…" Then he let out a sigh. "Fine. Fine. I'll do it." Tooth clapped her hands in glee, but Jack frowned. "But, do you know anyone?"_

_"That is why I need your help! We're gonna explore the forest!" Tooth declared happily._

_"What? You mean….uh…."_

_"Yes! We can go to the forest, find an immortal pick some flowers and set Sandy on a candle light dinner!" Tooth darted around wildly, enumerating the items in her mental check-list._

Sandy blew a silent raspberry again.

_"Yeah, but how would we find the other immortals if they're all in different places?" Jack pointed out, rubbing his eyes that were dimmed with sleep._

_"Then we are going to all those places," Tooth said. "We can travel fast. We'll be there in no time!"_

_"Yeah but…" Jack couldn't find a good reason, so finally he gave up. But a small smirk still played on his face. "Where should we start?"_

_"Maybe here, do you know any spirits here?"_

_"I know autumn spirits," Jack stated._

_"Then let's go meet them!" Tooth grabbed Jack's hand, ready to bolt._

_"Tooth, they're tadpoles…." Jack added, squirming away from Tooth's grasp._

_"Oh…then we have to go somewhere else," the fairy stayed silent for a while, before her feathers fluffed with an imaginary light bulb forming above her head, "Go west! Go west! I know a place where it's filled with immortals."_

_"Are you up for a ride with the wind?" Jack's smirk grew even wider; he didn't wait for a reply. A series of wind blew all around them before lifting them into the air. "Go west!"  
Tooth squeaked at the pressure of the air and at the speed they were traveling_

_"Do you always travel like this?" she had to shout in order to hear herself, afraid to look down. She'd never been so high up in the clouds before._

_"Yep, it's part of my everyday life. Hey wind, head west!" and they were suddenly dropping, which made Tooth get a panic attack and made a weak attempt to flutter her wings against the violent blow of air. They were suddenly caught by the west winds that blew them to Morocco._

_Riding the wind for a few minutes, they landed in the middle of a forest where there were dozens of creatures, mostly fairies flying around the place._

_"Um…Okay so we are going to skim his entire forest?" Jack scrabbled, tapping his staff on the hardened soil._

_"Yes, and then we're going to do a little comparison with Sandy, so she has to be short, and she must enjoy silence." Tooth scanned the dozen of flying fairies._

_"Okay, let's start."_

_Tooth acted like s judge, although most were attracted to Jack and immediately began chasing the winter spirit at first sight. And Tooth was running after the fairies, examining their appearance while trying to ask them a few questions. But the fairies were either too tall, too mean or too weird._

Sandy made a third silent raspberry, this time at Tooth, and made a sand-image of a large book that looked like it was covered in mold and tiny bugs and Jack started to laugh.

"Yeah Tooth, never judge a book by it's cover." he teased, looking at Tooth.

Tooth glared at him. "I don't!"

"You just did." he countered.

Tooth groaned and held her head in her hands. "Fine! Fine. I'm just a super-hyperactive fairy with a bad match-making habit. Is that what you want?" she began to heave theatrical and very, very fake sobs.

"Oh Tooth, you huge drama-queen." Bunny muttered.

Tooth's sobs instantly stopped and sharply raised her head to glare at the Bunny, who hadn't commented the entire time Jack had been reading.

"I'm a drama-queen?!" she demanded. Bunny winced. "I'M A DRAMA-QUEEN?!" she demanded, louder. "HOW DARE YOU!"

Bunny glanced at North for support and North hesitantly raised a large finger. "Ah, Tooth, Bunny may have a very tiny point."

Tooth turned on North, her eyes blazing. "Such as?!" she demanded.

North shifted uncomfortably. "Well. . . you do have a habit of. . . well," he paused, trying to think of words that wouldn't piss Tooth off more than she already was. "Youhaveahabitofmakingthingsseemabitover-dramatic. " he said quickly, keeping his head down.

Jack smiled. "Can I keep reading?" he asked, glancing at the others.

Tooth let out a sharp exhale and glared from Bunny to North. "Read!" She said sharply.

"_Until they found elves by the river," _Jack began immediately. _ "most of them were men, with big noses and sharp pointy ears, not really appealing. Until Tooth spotted a female elf chasing a bee, seemingly the 'perfect one for Sandy.' She was about Sandy's height without a doubt she looked friendly, and her appearance was different from all the other elf men. She didn't have sharp ears, she didn't have a big nose and she looked like she was glowing blue, just like Sandy who was vibrant yellow._

_Tooth squealed and tugged Jack's hoodie, "Come on! Let's go meet her!"_

_"Who?"_

_"Follow me," Tooth happily zipped across the field and stopped right in front of the elf. "Hi."_

_"Hi!" the elf greeted back a little too enthusiastic._

_"I am Tooth and this is Jack," Tooth introduced, Jack raised his staff and saluted._

_The elf opened her mouth to answer but Tooth quickly cut in, "We're guardians and we really wish you could meet our friend Sandy, maybe for lunch or have a piece of cake by the fire place?"_

_The elf's eyes grew wide. "Ohyou'reGuardians?I'vealwaysheardalotfromyouguys andI'vealwayswantedtomeetyou!Nicetomeetyou,I'ma sylvanelfandmynameisSylvaandIwouldlovetositdownand havea chatwithyourfriend!"_

_That caused Jack to take a step back. The elf spoke as fast as how Tooth would, and it wasn't really the right kind for Sandy._

_"Nice to meet you Sylva!" Tooth managed to understand her._

_"Um…who?" Jack asked cluelessly._

_"She is Sylva, a Sylvan elf."_

_"Sylvan elf?" Jack has wandered everywhere but he's never met one of the elves before._

_"Sylvanelfsinhabbittheforest,justlikeme!" Sylva did a little jump and raised her arms, "see it's me!"_

_"Yeah…I can see…" Jack said awkwardly._

_"So we'll come back later if everything is all set!" Tooth twirled in the air._

_"Yes!I'veseenSandyflyingaboveourforestallthetime!I can'twaittomeethim!"_

_Tooth fist pumped before grabbing Jack, "Come on, we've got no time to lose!"_

_Jack was having a head ache from listening to Sylva chatter like a tweety-bird. "I don't know Tooth, it's just that she talks a lot."_

_"Hmm, well Sandy can't talk . . . at least she'll do all the talking!" Tooth stated_

_"You have a point…"_

Jack paused. "What is a Sylvan elf?" he asked, looking at the others.

"No clue." Tooth said, keeping her eyes on North and Bunny.

North and Bunny shook their heads. "No clue," they said in unison, mimicking Tooth.

Jack looked at Sandy and he made a picture of a small person above his head. About the height of a child, but with adult proportions.

"Huh?" Jack said, frowning at the little person above Sandy's head.

Sandy waved his hand and the little person disappeared, replaced by a thick book with the word _**Hobbit**_ written in curly indented script.

"What's a hobbit?" Jack asked. Sandy pointed to the book above his head again and Jack nodded slowly. "Oh. A character in a book. So what does that have to do with the Sylvan elves?"

Sandy sighed and pointed to the book again.

"Oh. The elves are from that book?" Jack asked.

Sandy nodded again.

"Oh."

"Jack, can you keep reading?" North asked. "I vould like to see how this ends."

Jack nodded and turned back to the computer screen.

_"Hey you!" Tooth pointed at a yeti who was just walking by, "set a table by the fireplace."_

_The confused yeti pointed at himself, speaking a line of Yetish._

_"Yes you! Come on! Get going!" Tooth clasped her hands together, "and you, start cooking," she commanded Phil and flew over to a gray furred yeti who was dozing. "Pick some flowers, make sure their sweet scented!" She flew back to the first yeti. "Don't forget to light a candle."_

_"What iz going on here?" North came out of his workshop and strode over to Jack, trying not to step on the elves in his way, "What iz going on here?"_

_Jack was laying leisurely on the couch, eating a plate of cookies he stole from the elves, 'Oh, it's Tooth, she thinks Sandy needed to meet someone."_

_North sighed. "Our Tooth," He said, smiling slightly. "When will she ever stop?" he sat next to Jack._

_"Maybe never?" Jack stuffed himself with cookies. "Maybe we should just let her do what she wants."_

_North sat back staring blankly at the fireplace. The North pole might be filled with immortal spirits again. First it was Jack messing with the rules, and then it's Tooth with her match-making. When will the pole ever have some peace and quiet?_

_With all the yetis and elves rushing around, Jack couldn't help it; he made a thin trail of from, enough to sent the elves and their tiny feet gliding around the floor._

_"Jack," Tooth scolded._

_"Oh, sorry, I'm sorry."_

_"No matter, everything is all done, now time to get Sandy!" Tooth made a beeline for the window, but crashed into the glass clumsily, "Oops, it's not open…"_

_"You alright?"_

_"Fine," Tooth shook off her dizziness before pulling open the window and shooting out of it._

_"Yeah, she will never stop," Jack said, smiling and folding his hands over his chest."_

Jack paused. "You sure you want to find out what happens-"

"YES!" They all yelled.

Jack smirked again.

_"Come on Sandy!" Tooth was pushing him across the floor while the Sandman conjured a question mark above his head. She made him sit on the table by the fireplace, opposite of an unfamiliar guest. "Have fun," Tooth said before she flew away, the buzzing of her wings slowly softening._

_Sandy made an awkward attempt to smile, before the elf started talking, "Hi!I'mSylva,__asylvanelf. NicetomeetyouSandy. Oops,Ialreadyknowyourname. Youvisitmyforestveryoftenandthanksforthedreams. Ireallylovedreams"_

_Sandy's gaze darted around as he stared at Sylva wide eyed. He only understood when she said his name._

_"Sowhatdowedonow?Ohyou'requiet,somaybeI'ljusttalka nd you'lllisten."_

_Sandy cracked a smile and pushed back his seat, just a little bit. He was very uncomfortable with such a chatter box. He was familiar with Tooth's match-making game, but he never expected that he would be next. He was perfectly fine alone, and children were his source of joy, if the dreams he gave made kids happy, then he is happy._

_Now he was stuck in a very one-sided conversation with an elf that was even more hyperactive that Tooth. He always thought Tooth was the one who talked the fastest but now the elf proved him wrong. The elf's words sounded like bird chirps yet she just kept going and going without asking if he understood._

_Sandy formed a watch made of sand around his wrist and sighed, "it was gonna be a long, long day."_

_"GeezSandy,your'resoquiet. Areyoualwayslikethis? Ohyou'realwayslikethisright?"_

_Sandy made a check above his head and just kept smiling and nodding. He was clearly stuck in a conversation that would go forever and ever. Stealthily, he sneaked away, but not stealth enough to run away unseen._

_"Sandy?I'mnotdoneyet!Sandy!Sandy!"_

_Sylva's screeched could be heard from North's workroom. Sandy held a flag with an "SOS' above his head. Waving his flag wildly in front of these-through glass of the office._

_"Shouldn't we help him?" Jack took his staff getting ready to open the door._

_"No no," Tooth blocked him, "it's going pretty well."_

_"No it iz not," North looked up from his ice sculpted bear. "But it iz Sandy we are talking about."_

_The elf's screeches ceased and Sandy opened the door, wagging his finger at Tooth mouthing the words 'no more.'_

_Tooth slouched. "Aw. . . you had to knock her out?"_

Now everyone was laughing.

"You- You knocked her out?" Bunny demanded between laughs.

"Oh, and we didn't see that coming?" Jack demanded, bursting out into another fit of giggles.

Tooth was laughing too much to speak. Peals of giggling and mirth erupted from her mouth and she had to lean against the stone wall to keep herself upright.

North bellowed with laughter. "I, for one," he coughed. "I, for one, completely saw that coming!"

"You did NOT!" Jack argued.

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"BOYS!" Tooth said sternly, but the effect was spoiled by the squeaky note in her voice from laughing. "Boys!"

Sandy was laughing just as much as the others, but he was laughing even more when Tooth had tried to admonish the two male Guardians. Silently, of course, but still laughing. Actually, rolling on the floor with laughter. The little sand-bag man was rolling around on the floor like a toddler wearing a golden onesy.

The whole situation was completely hilarious and it took at least five minutes for the Guardians to stop laughing like five-year-olds.


	6. Bleach, Lights, Spiders 'Nuff Said

**Aloha humani! That's actually becoming my signature greeting. Like it?**

**Anyway, I hope you liked the last chapter(s). I really liked writing them. I really appreciate all the encouragement you've given. Your last reviews have proved to me how much you believe in me. Or, maybe just because you like my humorous stories. Anyway, why-ever you read these and send me my reviews. I thank you. I thank you all.**

**Now, let's get down to the nitty-gritty. The next Chapter. This one has a few tidbits from Kill the Lights, by vividRegulator.**

**Hope you like it! P.S: Oh, and I know you all have been wanting them to read Pooka!Jack, but that will come later. I promise!**

**P.P.S: The only reason I haven't added a new chapter sooner is because I've been sicker than a dog and stuck in bed, not being able to type at all. Thank you all for being patient.**

**P.P.P.S: I dedicate this to Fantasydreamer244, for being the greatest person on the planet and believing in me. Thank you to all my amazing reviewers too. Your love for my story is what keeps me going. **

* * *

It took several minutes for the Guardians to stop laughing. When they did, they all shared a nervous smile, then Jack let out a hiccup and the others started laughing again. Their positions were mainly the source of their laughter.

North was flat on his back with his big furry bear-skin cap fallen over his eyes and a wide smile peeking out from beneath the hat. There were a group of three elves trying to help him up by grabbing onto his left boot and pushing up while another dozen grabbed onto the back of North's coat and started to yank it up and down. It looked like the elves were trying to shake North out like a blanket. Needless to say, it make the others laugh like crazy.

Jack was flopped over the computer desk, banging it with his fist and wheezing. His face was bright pink and his chest was heaving.

Tooth was laughing too hard to fly. She was sitting on the floor with her legs spread eagle, holding her stomach and shaking with laughter, she had her back bent forward and her face was nearly touching the stone floor.

Bunny was leaning forward against the stone east wall with his paws and forehead pressed against the stone. He was chuckling.

Sandy had completely forsaken all forms of dignity and was rolling around on the floor, clutching his sides and rolling over and over across the floor, flattening several Elves in the process. He was also leaving small trails of dream-sand wherever he rolled and they were getting dangerously close to knocking out North.

"Hey, who turned out da lights?" North asked, trying to roll to his side to get up, but the elves that were holding onto his boot let out frantic jingles and let go of his boot to get out of the way before they were squashed.

The ones holding the back of North's coat were flung to the left when North tried to get up and thy only just managed to hold on. North turned from the left to the right, trying to get enough momentum to get up.

Bunny lifted his head away from the cool wall and glanced down at North. He smiled. "Toothy, where's that camera?" he whispered in the direction of the fairy. She was laughing too loud for her to hear.

"Don't you dare!" North ordered angrily, pointing in the direction of Bunny's voice. Unfortunately Bunny moved about three feet to his left to stand beside Jack, who was still laughing and banging the desk with his pale fist and North's aim was a bit off.

Tooth opened her eyes just in time to see North point and she laughed. "Uh, North?" she said, chuckling. "Move it about twenty degrees to the left."

North lowered his arm with a huff. "Specifics, specifics."

Jack raised his head and laughed at North. "You sound like a pouting child!"

North finally managed to get to his feet and when he did, he glared at the others.

"Vy didn't anyone help me up?" He demanded.

Tooth hiccuped. "Sorry. I was handicapped." She sucked in a long breath and then held it for a few seconds. Then she let it out and immediately started hiccuping again. "Curse you hiccups!" she said to no one in particular.

"Don't look at me mate," Bunny said. "I was too busy giggling at Frost."

The winter spirit was sprawled on the desk, still laughing and hiccuping and banging his fist against the table. The monitor jumper a few times.

It took at least five more minutes for Jack to stop giggling and when he did, he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and smiled. "Ok, now that I've got that out of my system. . ."

"Let's read whatever other stories Pitch sent us." Tooth suggested, flying over to the computer.

The others followed and Jack scrolled down to read the rest of the E-mail.

"_This next story is about dear Jack. Enjoy!"_

All the laughter instantly disappeared from Jack's face. "What? Why me again?!" He folded his arms. "Why can't that second-rate Fear spirit pick on another one of you?"

Bunny chuckled. "Let's just read it before we pass judgment on how funny it is."

Jack hmphed and, after a minute, read on.

"Kill the Lights, by VividRegulator."

Tooth "huh"ed at the name. "Interesting."

"_'Is that a challenge cottontail?"_

_"Ya don't want to race a rabbit mate."_

_Bunnymund suddenly became a blur as he hopped from rooftop to rooftop at record speeds. _

_"Whoa!" Jack said at seeing the tall rabbit zoom off. He needed to step up his game if he wanted to beat the Easter Kangaroo._

_Realizing that he was lagging behind the rest, Jack flew faster through the air. Tooth had given them orders on what houses to go to and Jack happened to spot the closest one. No one else was around, which meant that he had this house all to himself._

_He slowly opened the window leading to the child's room. He was about to step through and grab the baby tooth under the child's pillow when a hole suddenly opened up besides their bed and Bunnymund hopped out of it. He reached under the pillow and pulled out the baby tooth and being the mature spirit he is, he smirked and waved it a Jack just to taunt the teen. Jack just furrowed his brow while narrowing his eyes at his rival and a bolt of ice shot out from the crook of his staff and he smiled when he heard the rabbit yelp as he was hit in the face."_

"I remember that!" Bunny interrupted. "It hurt!"

"Will you shut up?!" Jack demanded. "I wanna read this."

Jack read a few paragraphs about him waking up in an attic, surrounded by dusty boxes. Then him running downstairs to catch a bus, of all things. But when he started to read about him being an orphan, he stopped.

"Orphan?" He repeated, staring at the words on the screen. "I'm not an _orphan."_

"'_Jack was never adopted. Ever. He was known as the 'white haired hellion that nobody wanted'. It wasn't that people looking to adopt thought that Jack's white hair was weird, but he was such a trouble maker. Nobody wanted to adopt a burden, so it looked like Jack wouldn't be adopted anytime soon."_ Tooth read aloud. "Is this another one of Pitch's jokes?"

"If so, I don't find funny." North said.

Jack nodded. "Me either."

He read another couple of paragraphs, then he stopped again.

"Hey Bunny, here you are!" He said, brightening up slightly. "_'A six foot one Australian teen with green eyes rested his head on the window of the bus. A few locks of his brown hair hung over the gray and black bandana tied around his head but he didn't care. A dark green satchel hung off of his shoulder as he stared out the window. This boy was named Edmund Aster Bunnymund but he preferred just 'Aster' and he hated winter, he also hated riding a cold metal school bus to school. Winter was when all of the beautiful and colorful plants would die and it was too cold outside to enjoy anything. The only good thing about winter was that it had ended but it had left snow behind. It was as if winter was overstaying its visit during spring, and Easter was in a few weeks. Aster adjusted his long blueish grey winter coat and was glad that he had worn his boots today. There was still snow on the ground from yesterday and if he had worn his normal school shoes his feet would have gotten frostbite. The thought of frostbite suddenly sent a thought about that Jack Frost kid through Aster's mind and he scowled._

_He hated that kid._

_Jackson Frost had made a mockery of Aster in their freshman year together. It was during the Easter Egg Hunt too. Aster had been going over the rules with some volunteers and the next thing he knew Jack came out of nowhere and pulled down Aster's pants revealing his kangaroo boxers to everyone. It didn't help that Jack's hands were freezing cold either. That kid was as cold as a dead corpse. Why did he even pants Aster anyway? Was it because of some stupid dare? Was he forces to do it? Or was it because Jack was just a that much of a jerk? The points is that the Aussie had never been more embarrassed in his life and it didn't help that Jack constantly reminded of it since he kept calling him 'Kangaroo'._"

Jack had to stop to laugh. "Brow hair? Boots? Since when to you have brown hair and wear any type of shoes at all?"

Bunny was glowering at the screen. "Never. This is another one of those Alternate Universe stories. I guess it has me in it as a human. And a young one at that!"

North laughed. "Well Bunny, now at least we might get to see what would happen if you turned human!"

"Not gonna happen." Bunny said stoutly. "I'm a Pooka. Always have been a Pooka and always will be."

"Unless you turn into a tiny cutesy baby bunny again," Jack said slyly.

"Frost!" Bunny roared, lunging for the boy. "I thought we agreed never to speak of that again!"

Jack slid off of the seat and shrugged, backing away from the angry bunny. "Meh. I don't keep promises."

Bunny growled and pointed a paw at the grinning winter spirit. "If you EVER speak of that again-"

"What? You'll _nuzzle_ me to death?" Jack asked, an evil glint in his eyes.

Bunny wished he could boomerang him in the head. Just once. Maybe cause a slight concussion. Perhaps even complete memory-loss.

"Jack. . ." North said sternly. "I thought we also agreed that you not purposely antagonize Bunny more than necessary."

Jack smiled again. "I'm not. This is the exact amount of antagonization needed." His smile widened. "The exact amount of antagonization needed to drive his blood pressure through the roof."

Bunny lost it. He leaped for the spirit and only succeeded in bashing his head into the wall behind Jack. The spirit had jumped at the last second, using his powers of flight to hover far above the bruised rabbit who sat on the floor, rubbing his head.

Bunny let out a stream of Australian curses and rubbed his head. "Frost, you're going to-"

"I'M IN IT TOO!" Tooth screeched, causing all the other Guardians to turn around and draw their weapons. They couldn't help it. You hear a screech and, regardless of what the screech says, you get the impulse to draw your weapons.

"Tooth, what-" North said but Tooth was squealing too loud.

"I'm in it! And Baby Tooth, and you, North! And Sandy! There are pictures too!"

Everyone dropped their weapons and ran to looked at the screen. In the middle was a large portrait with six figures.

The first was tall and wearing a black coat with a sharp, angled face and spiky, black hair. He looked a lot like Pitch.

"Is that-" Jack began but Tooth beat him to it.

"Pitch." She said in awe, staring at the picture. "And I think the one next to him is you, Jack."

Jack frowned. "I look like that?" He asked. Then he smiled. "Wow. I guess I am as good-looking as the Nymphs tell me."

Bunny snorted. "Yes, Frostbite. You _do _look as good at the _trees _tell you you do."

Jack wasn't listening. "And I suppose that's you?" He asked, pointing to a pretty girl with brownish-golden hair and purple eyes, wearing a high shirt and leggings.

"I guess so." Tooth answered.

"And dat's me!" North said, pointing to the tall boy in the picture. "Dat's exactly how I looked when I vas a boy."

Bunny snorted. "Yeah, but probably a bit better-looking."

Jack elbowed the rabbit. "I wouldn't talk, peter cottontail. You look like you just swallowed a lemon!"

Bunny studied his picture. "Meh." He said. "It's not so bad."

Jack was surprised that the rabbit didn't object to his appearance. "Really?"

Bunny shrugged. It was just like the story about Jack becoming a Pooka. He thought it was interesting, but it would never happen. So he didn't really care.

Sandy, however, was ecstatic about his picture. He was flying around the room, striking poses and fist-pumping with surprising vigor.

"What's got you so happy, Sandy?" Jack asked.

Sandy stopped flying around the room and pointed to the screen, then he put his hand flat on his head and raised it a few inches.

Jack laughed. "Oh, you're happy because you're taller?"

Sandy nodded and the others laughed.

"Well, at least we look a bit like ourselves. Pitch barely looks like himself." Jack said, looking critically at the picture.

"I think he looks cool," Tooth said.

The others turned around as one to looked at her in surprise and she coughed. "I mean, the _picture_ is cool. The artist is really good."

"And they included eyebrows." Jack added, causing the others to laugh more.

"OK," Bunny said after a few minutes. "Read on. Let's get this over with."

Jack obliged.

"_'What if he doesn't wake up?"_

_"Well we can't say if that will happen yet."_

_"But he's been asleep for days!"_

_"Maybe he was just over workin' himself again."_

_"Yeah but even if he was he should have woken up by now. Sandy can't you do something?"_

_Tooth turned away from Bunnymund and looked at the Sandman who just shrugged. He was the one who had found Jack Frost sleeping in a tree and at first he though everything was normal, until Jack didn't wake up. It was then that Sandy brought Jack to the North Pole and that was days ago. Jack hadn't even batted an eye or showed any sign of uneasy rest. It didn't even make sense for Jack to be asleep for this long. Pitch was gone, and even if he had somehow risen back to power he couldn't make a winter spirit go into a coma, and there was no way that Sandy had intentionally put Jack to sleep for this long._

_"Do you want to try looking into Jack's dreams again Sandy?" North asked him. The last time Sandy had tried to look into Jack's mind the only thing he received was a massive headache from it. It was as if Jack's dream was too big for the Guardian of dreams. Sandy nodded and walked up to the bed where Jack was resting. His golden hand was placed on Jack's cold pale forehead and he closed his eyes while concentrating. He began to look into Jack's mind but all he saw was nothing, just an empty white space. The connection faded away and Sandy opened his eyes to see Jack still asleep while the other Guardians looked at him anxious for an answer._

_"Well? What?" Bunymund questioned. A question mark formed above Sandy's head indicating that he did not know. All of them sighed in frustration. If the Sandman didn't know what was going on in Jack's head, then that meant that he could be dreaming of anything.'_"

He stopped. "OK. . . so I'm human, so are the rest of you, I got to school, I miss the bus and decide to jump on the moving bus from above on a _tree_, and I'm also regular me and the human me is in some kind of dream-world?" Jack said, looking from Tooth to Bunny to North.

Tooth shrugged. "I guess. It kinds sounds like you, though. The jumping-on-the-bus-thing."

Jack snorted. "Sure. Like I'd jump on a moving vehicle."

"You've done dumber," Bunny pointed out.

"True." he replied. "But I'm a spirit. In this, I'm human. I could've gotten hurt!"

The others exchanged looks. Jack was acting awfully defensive about this human thing.

Jack shrugged. "I'm just saying."

The others didn't comment.

Silence. Then Sandy pointed to the screen and gestured for him to go on.

Jack did. Next chapter.

"'_The bus was directly under Jack and he sucked in his breath as he jumped off the branch. There was a loud thud as he landed on the roof of the bus and he clung on for dear life. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Jack was currently riding on his school bus and one part of him thought that this might be illegal. Brisk air rushing past him blew his hair back and Jack couldn't help but smile. Even though he woke up with a panic attack at realizing he was going to miss the bus, the actual ride to school felt amazing legal or not. It was as if he were flying._

_"Did you hear that Tooth?" Aster said taking his head off of the window. "Did you hear that noise as if something fell on the bus?"_

_"I bet its just snow from that tree we just passed under." she replied. Nobody on the bus had seen Jack jump from a tree and onto the school bus and nobody knew he was on top of the roof above their heads. In fact, everyone except Aster and Tooth didn't even know that Jack had been chasing the bus._

_Jack whooped and grinned as he stood up on the bus keeping his balance on the moving vehicle. He saw some kids out walking their dog and he waved to them. "Hey kids!" he called out._

_The kids just froze in their tracks and stared with their jaws on the ground at seeing Jack stand on top of a moving bus. Jack just laughed at them and turned back around. As long as a police officer didn't see him, Jack would be fine. This had to be the most fun he's ever had with school transportation. He was certainly wide awake that was for sure ad riding ____on__ the bus was more fun than riding ____in__ the bus.'"_

Jack paused. "You know, that _does _sound kinda fun." He said thoughtfully.

"NO!" North and Bunny said immediately.

"You'll break your neck for sure," Tooth added. "And magic can only go so far. You may be immortal, Jack, but you're not invulnerable."

Jack winced at the thought of all those broken bones. "OK, OK, I won't do it."

"I thought you just said you didn't make promises!" Bunny protested, giving the boy a scathing look.

Jack smirked. "I don't. That wasn't a promise."

"JACK!" Both North and Tooth yelled. Jack winced.

"What?!" he demanded. "I didn't! I said I wouldn't do it. I didn't promise anything."

North huffed and Tooth stared pointedly at him.

"You know Tooth," Jack said after a full minute of watching her stare at him. "I think I know why you have so many daughters."

Tooth was taken aback by Jack's sudden change of subject. "Uhhhh, why?" She asked curiously.

Jack smiled. "You have that motherly look about you, like Jamie's mom when he asks to go to the store but she knows he's going out to play in the snow. It's creepy."

Tooth rolled her eyes. "Alright, alright, enough about me. Read the rest of the story!"

Jack sighed and turned back to the story.

Several chapters later, he and the others were laughing like maniacs again. Bunny leaned against the wall, laughing and giggling. Tooth was hovering a few feet above the ground, clutching her sides and Sandy was smiling, standing with his arms crossed behind Jack's chair.

"You- You spilled bleach on Pitch?!" Bunny said, laughing.

Jack was laughing too hard to be coherent.

"And he spilled coffee on you?" Tooth asked with equal mirth. "That's hilarious."

Jack suddenly sobered up. "Not to me!" He said defensively.

Tooth laughed.

Jack huffed.

Sandy giggled silently.

North just smirked at the scene around him. It was so good for the other Guardians to have a little fun. Tooth and Bunny were so stressed out because of their jobs, Sandy never got a night's sleep, Jack was always flying to and fro across the world, spreading snow and fun. North was always having fun in his workshop. He was doing what he loved and because he loved it so much, it never felt like work. The others loved their jobs as well, but the ones like Tooth and Sandy who did their jobs all night every night got highly stressed because of the continuous work and never having a rest or vacation.

"OK, OK, let's read the rest of this one so that ve can finish this E-mail. I'm sure ve all have jobs to do." North said, nudging Jack's shoulder gently.

Jack nodded. "OK. I hope this doesn't end with me dying."

"Nah mate, this story is patterned after what really happened." Bunny said. "Granted, it's a little different, but you won't die. You'll probably fight Pitch, win, and the human us will take you in as a permanent friend."

"Yeah. Maybe the Jamie in the story will figure out I'm his brother and I'll get a happy ending after all."

"Well mate, if anyone deserves it you do." Bunny admitted. "I mean, if anyone deserves it the you in the story does. An orphan, a miscreant, a-"

"OK OK, you don't have to rub it in." Jack grumbled. Then he realized that Bunny wasn't making fun of him. He was actually being compassionate and trying to be cool. This was completely out of character for him.

"I'm not tryin' to be mean, frostbite." Bunny said honestly. "Your character's had a hard life. I'm just saying that after all he's gone through, he should get a happy ending."

Jack smiled. "Well, thanks for that, Bunny." he said. Then things seemed like they were getting a bit too emotional for him and he sent a speck of frost into Bunny's ear-holes.

Bunny jerked and rubbed at his ears. "Frost!"

"Sorry." Jack said. "The tear-jerker moment was too much for me. We had to laugh!"

"None of us were laughing." Bunny growled, cocking his head to the side and tapping his ear with a paw, trying to dislodge water from his ear.

Jack laughed. "I am."

North put a hand on each of the Guardians's shoulders and said, "Let's read."

Jack heard the tone in the Russian's voice. It was a tone you did not argue with.

"'_Jack was still staring at Sandy and his friends." _Jack began immediately. And he read through ten more chapters without any more comments. Until he reached the part in chapter twelve about Tooth and him.

"_'Tooth?! What the hell are you doing in my room?! Have you been watching me while I slept for this whole time?'_" Jack read. Then he turned to Tooth. "You do have a habit of sneaking into other people's rooms while they're sleeping. I didn't know I wasn't exempt from this."

"Oh shut up and read!" Tooth snapped, blushing.

"She's been teased about it by us too." North whispered in Jack's ear, earning him a glare from the pretty fairy.

"Yes, until I left slugs on your pillows and dyed your hair green." Tooth spat.

All three male Guardians visibly paled and Bunny even started shaking slightly.

"You dyed their hair green?" Jack asked interestedly.

"Oh yes." Tooth replied. "They went around like that for three weeks until they apologized and the dye wore off."

Jack would've chortled, but the emotions of the Guardians were already on tenterhooks and if he made one more joke, he would probably be forcibly removed from Santoff Clausen.

"Huh. I would've gone with pink." was all he said.

"They were out of pink," Tooth said matteroffactly.

"Can ve get this going again?" North said gently. "I would like to see how this ends."

"OK."

And Jack began to read again.

"_Toothiana Fairie, are you black-mailing me?_"

"'_Aren't you forgetting something?"_

_"Oh right, thanks for fixing my bed head."_

_"No, not that."_

_"Then what?"_

_"Your shoes!"_

"Dho!" Bunny said, chuckling.

"'_North! Jack can't have cookies for breakfast!" _

"The heck I can't!"

_"__You are a dolphin!"_

Sandy chuckled at that, remembering the time Jack was walking on wires and had lazily trailed his hand through a stream of dream-sand. The golden sand had transformed into a dolphin at his touch.

_"'Aster,"_

_"What?"_

_"What did you just say?"_

_"I said what,"_

_"No, when you were talking to Sandy."_

_"I said we needed enough googies for the eggs-"_

_"Yeah, that."_

_"What?"_

_"You said googies."_

_"So?"_

_"Is that even a real word? Because I don't think anyone says that."_

_"Well, it's just the way I talk."_

_Aster narrowed his eyes at Jack who was smirking to him. He knows that the little idiot is just trying to bother him now, and it looks like E. Aster Bunnymund has found a new partner to have verbal conflicts with.'" _

Jack stopped. "I never did understand why you use that word. _Goooooogies._" he said, stretching the word and using a goofy accent.

"It's a perfectly legitimate word from Australia!" Bunny protested. You could tell he had been bugged about this for a long time.

"Googies." Jack said again. "It really sounds like-"

"Jackson Overland Frost!" Tooth said before Jack could finish. "I don't care if I'm not your mother! I will not have you talking like that here!"

Jack winced. "OK, OK, Tooth." he said meekly. "I'll just go back to reading then."

Tooth folded her arms in answer and in that instant, she was the picture of a stern mother.

"_'All of the eggs were loaded and Jack crawled in the back seat of North's car with Sandy and Tooth while Aster stood outside reluctantly. _

_"'What's the matter Kangaroo?" Jack asked the Australian. Aster looked anxious, as if he was terrified of something._

_"'It's nothing Frosty. I just think that the ride to school would be much better if-"_

_"'Are you scared of the way that North drives?"_

_"'No, I just don't like how he drives like a lunatic."_

_Aster hated getting in a car if North was behind the wheel. The way that North would almost pass the speed limit and make too many careless sharp turns had always struck fear into Aster's heart._

_"'Relax Aster, it'll be over before you know it." Jack said in an attempt to console his friend who stepped into the front seat. "But a word of advice, I think it's better to sit in the back."_

_"'What are you-"_

_Aster was cut off when North opened the door to the drivers seat and yelled, "'Buckle up!"_

_What North had said had caught Aster off guard and he fumbled about in his seat trying to locate the "bloody seat belt". When he finally found it, he immediately strapped in a second before North sped out of the driveway. Jack looked forward and saw Aster tightly clutching onto his seat for dear life as the car shot down the road. "'Don't you think you're going a bit fast? We're in a neighborhood, North!" Aster said to the driver._

_"'Nonsense! There is no such thing as going too fast when there is a time crunch!"_

_"'Can you at least drive like a sane person?!"_

_Jack decided to cut into the conversation knowing that if he didn't, he'd have to listen to Aster criticize North's poor driving habits._

_"'By the way Aster, I was always told to never argue with the driver."_

_"'See! Jack has point!"_

_Aster grumbled something to himself and stayed silent for the rest of the ride.'"_

Jack paused and looked behind him, where North was frowning with his arms folded.

"My driving isn't that bad!" he protested.

That was it. All the strain in the room broke and everyone began to laugh.

-Everyone except Sandy and North, that is. Sandy was still laughing silently, but North was pouting like a child. He had his lower lip protruding slightly and a teary look was set into his eyes.

"Oh for Pete's sake, North!" Tooth scolded through her laughter. "You- you are over a thousand years old! Ack- act your age!"

North pouted some more, then he dropped the act and muttered red-faced, "My driving might be a bit unorthodox."

Everyone laughed.

"Unorthodox?!" Bunny said incredulously. "You drive like a maniac! If you were human, they would probably have a Nick St. North relief squat on-call 24-7, just in case you hit someone's old granny or a bus full of gumballs or something! It's a good thing that you only drive in the sky and the only things to hit are birds. Think what damage you'd do on the street!"

North smiled sheepishly. "OK, I admit it. I'm a bad driver." he said, looking down at his feet. Then it seemed like something dawned on him and he raised his head, smiling widely.

"But if you think I'm bad _now, _you should've seen my first few flights! Sandy was there, and we might still have pictures. Right Sandy?" he asked, turning to the little man.

Sandy nodded and made a tiny image of the sleigh plummeting off a cliff and a small figure with a bearskin cap jerking the reins frantically, trying to get the reindeer up in the air again.

"Sandy!" North objected.

Bunny snickered.

"OK guys, let's finish this thing already!" Tooth said, prodding Jack to go on.

"'_Aster was glad to finally reach the empty high school.'" _Jack began again, wondering why it was_ him _that always did the reading.

They read all about Pitch Black's appearance and Tooth and Bunny both scowled when they listened to Pitch's stupid speech. It was just like it Tooth's palace- which was probably what the authoress was going for.

They read on and on about Jack's hard time and his past memories. Jack tried not to cry. So did Tooth and, for that matter, all the others. They read about Pitch's confrontation with Jack and Sandy and they all laughed.

"Sucks to be Pitch." Bunny said.

They read about the kids playing musical chairs, painting the eggs, Jack and Tooth dancing, they read about Phil- and laughed -and finally, in the second-to-last chapter, they read about Tooth's adorable baby sisters.

"Oh, Jack. That is so adorable. Calling my sister Baby Tooth," Tooth cooed.

"I always thought the mini-fairies were your daughters." Bunny said.

"They are. Or at least, I like to think of them as my daughters. They're really just smaller versions of me."

"Isn't that what a kid is?" Jack asked, smirking. "A smaller versions of their parents?"

"That's what siblings are," Tooth corrected. "Smaller versions of their elder siblings."

They read on and on, until finally they reached the last few sentences.

"'_Don't worry Tooth, I will. Just one thing that I need to ask you about,"_

_"What?"_

_"Baby Tooth is still napping on me."_

_"Oh you're fine Jack. Just slide out from under her and you can go. Once she falls asleep Baby Tooth, is out like a light. Not even Armageddon can wake her up."_

_"Alright."_

_Carefully, Jack slowly slid out from the sleeping three year old. Once he stood up, he brushed the snow off of his pants and turned back to Tooth. She should be fine watching over her sleeping sister, and they're sure to still be at the park when he comes back. Nodding off to Tooth, Jack took off towards the orphanage.'"_

Jack paused. "So, this is an on-going thing?" He asked, turning around. "It's not finished?"

"I guess not." Bunny said.

"I, personally, really want to find out what happens next!" Tooth said excitedly.

"So do I," North said. "And that bit about the ice-skating was so cuuuute."

"So was the part about Baby Tooth." Tooth added. "And the balancing act, and the-"

"I thought the whole Pitch thing was rather creepy, to be honest." Jack admitted. "I'm nearly an adult, Pitch is like, thirty, and he's trying to be cool to me by offering to adopt me, taking me away from the kind of cool life I've got?" Jack shuddered. "It's almost exactly like when he found me in Antarctica."

Tooth nodded. "Well, if things go the way they're supposed to in the story we all know what's going to happen next." She said.

Bunny winced. "Yeah. Pitch is gonna-"

"Pitch Pitch Pitch," Jack said sarcastically. "What about me? _My _character was pretty great, right?"

North sighed. "Yes Jack, your character was a good character."

"How many do we have left?" Bunny asked, moving over to stand behind Jack and peer over the top of his white head.

"Two." Jack said. "This next one is for-

_'This next story is also for dear Jokul. Enjoy!'_

"Jokul? Who's Jokul?"

"Me." Jack muttered, glaring at the screen. "It's my name in Norse mythology. Jokul Frosti."

Bunny burst out laughing. "_Jokul Frosti?_" he repeated. "Boy, now I understand why ya changed it!"

"I didn't change it," Jack protested. "Those idiots forgot how to pronounce it correctly and I got stuck with Jack Frost. I don't actually mind either name."

"So, what other names ya got, _Jokul_?" Bunny asked, smirking. "Jacko Froost? Jacques Frostet?"

"No. Actually, I only have those two," Jack grumbled. "But at least I'm spoken about in myths and legends. You're just a big bunny that everyone expects to be pink."

"So, what's the story?" Tooth asked, putting a hand on the boys' shoulders, trying to break up the fight before it began.

Bunny gave Jack a glare-o-doom- which Jack ignored and went back to the screen, easily forgetting that anything had gone on.

"It's called Cookies and Temples, by-" He stopped abruptly, staring at the screen. Then he laughed. "HA! This is my favorite name yet!"

"What?" Tooth asked, eager to get things moving right along.

"I'll get to it. Eventually." Jack read aloud. "My five favorite words!"

"Really?" Bunny said, surprised. "I thought those were_ hellion, food, snow_ and _ruin Easter_?"

Jack didn't miss a beat. "Those are my favorite past-times." He said. "I'll get to it eventually are my favorite five words because it's what every kid says just before he goes out in the snow." He swiveled around to see the disbelieving looks and he smiled. "It's true! They come out to the back or front door, depending on which has had more snow, and then they look back inside and say it. They usually have chores to do and that's why they say it, but they go out anyway. I love it"

Tooth tutted disapprovingly and North laughed. "Jack, children need work as much as fun." He said.

"Yeah, but only after fun can people put big smiles on their faces and actually go to work." Jack retorted. "You should've seen this one kid! He played outside with me for at least five hours, then when his mother called him in to clean his room he said goodbye to me and ran right in, did what he needed to do and in less than an hour he was back outside with me, showing me a small toy he'd found while cleaning."

North smiled. "That is a nice story, Jack, but can we get back to this one?" he asked, pointing to the screen.

Jack nodded and they began to read.

They didn't get past the fourth line before everyone frowned and said, at the same time, "Huh?"

"I have no clue," Jack said.

"Elementals?" Tooth asked, completely confused.

"Fearlings?" Bunny said, a note of fear in his voice.

"Talking to the stars?" North said, frowning.

Sandy made a large foam finger and pointed at the screen, gesturing for Jack to read on.

"'_Just a note about Fearlings: If you see one, run. They are evil, monstrous things that refuse to die when I ask them to.'"_

Jack paused. "What's a Fearling?" he asked, turning to North.

"A Fearling is something that Pitch used a long time ago, when he first began to fight us. He used his dark shadow-powers to make physical embodiments of fear."

"I don't get it."

"Pure fear," Bunny interrupted. "He made them out of pure fear. There's a rumor that Pitch actually used the bodies of children to house these Fearlings."

"Bunny!" Tooth said sharply. "That was just something Nightlight told us. He never proved it!"

Bunny shuffled. "I know. It doesn't even sound like Pitch to actually physically _hurt_ a child, but you remember what he was like back then."

"Wild." North said.

"Insane." Tooth corrected.

"Am I missing something here?" Jack said. "Pitch used kids' bodies to house fear?"

"It was a rumor. Nothing tangible ever surfaced." Tooth said. "And yes, you are missing plenty. I think we should wait until you're a little older for that story."

"Speaking of which-" Bunny said slowly.

"OK, OK," Jack said and began to read.

"_'They used to be part of this species called Elementals, but some wars happened and they were consumed by Fear. I don't think there are many Elementals left, but sometimes there are whispers among the stars that they're sure there's a colony out there, or someone escaped. It's always a dead end, though. We've looked everywhere.'"_

"I thought you said-"

"This authoress has obviously refined the facts for her own purposes." Bunny said shortly. "Keep reading."

"_'I'm the prince of Elementals, the heir to the crown, blah blah blah. That means I've got some decent firepower behind me-well, ice power-, but it also means that if I'm not careful about how much Fear I let myself feel, I'll die and turn into a Fearling. And since I was kind of surrounded, I had to get out of there fast.'"_

"Hey," Jack said, smiling. "I'm a prince!"

"_'Now, running on paths of starlight and frolicking in the heavens is grand, but it doesn't help you escape Fearlings. So the best I could do was run towards the largest hub of Belief I could find, in hopes of finding a child. I'm a child myself, a very old child, but my belief in my safety was being somewhat shaken by the dozen or so Fearlings trying to kill me. If I could find a child that absolutely believed that harm wouldn't come near them, I could just orbit their planet until I caught the Fearlings alone. I could kill one Fearling on my own, maaaaaybe two on a good day.'"_

Jack read on, getting more confused by the moment.

Finally, when he'd finished the chapter he turned to the others, who were looking just as confused as he was.

"OK, so I'm an elemental, I'm a prince, I fight Fearlings, I'm afraid of humans, I impale people who scare me, I take people who I want to feed me skating, and I said person who's going to feed me has a habit of taking his hands and feet off."

The others nodded, unsure if he was simply stating these facts or trying to see if this was some kind of delusion.

"Absolutely none of that makes sense to me," Bunny admitted.

"Me neither." Tooth said.

North shrugged.

Sandy snapped his fingers, but there was no sound. Then he tapped Jack on the shoulder.

"Huh?"

Sandy made an image of Pitch. Spiky hair and all.

"Again, huh?"

Sandy pointed to the screen, then moved his first two fingers in a walking motion, then an image of Pitch again.

"You think that. . . Pitch is the guy I took ice-skating?" Jack said slowly.

Bunny began to bust up.

"Yeah, he he, that's likely! You took the Boogeyman Ice-skating!"

Sandy snapped his fingers again, but everyone already was looking at him. "What?"

Sandy made the sequence again, but he kept the image of Pitch up. The image of Pitch began to shrink.

"I don't get it." Jack said.

Sandy glanced at the others. The look on his face told him that what he was trying to say was incredibly obvious to him, but obviously not obvious to them.

They puzzled for a few minutes over Sandy's message.

"Short Pitch?" Bunny suggested.

Sandy raised his hand to point at Jack.

"Jack Pitch?" Tooth asked, confused.

Sandy shook his head.

"Ice Pitch?"

"Winter Pitch?"

Sandy was getting frustrated. He flew gently over to Jack and raised his hand up to the top of Jack's head, then he flew over to North and raised his hand over his head.

"Son Pitch?" North said, frowning.

"I still don't get it." Jack said.

"Neither do I." Bunny admitted.

Sandy felt sand coming out of his ears. It was so obvious! Why didn't they-

His mental-ranting was cut short by North as he let out a triumphant yell.

"Yippah! I got it!"

Everyone turned to North.

"What? What is it?" they all asked.

"Sandy means that this might be Pitch's grandson!" North said, clapping Sandy on the back.

Sandy folded his arms and glowered. _No. _

Everyone frowned. "Buuuuut, that doesn't make any sense. I thought you said that Pitch was older than all of you put together?"

"He is." They all said.

"Then why would I meet Pitch's-"

Sandy broke. Why was everyone this _dense_?!

He let out a silent yell and started to spell it out in golden sand letters.

_IT. . . IS. . . PITCH, _he wrote. _BUT. . . YOUNGER. BEFORE. . . HE. . . GOT. . . HIS. . . POWERS. _

Everyone gasped and Sandy wrung his hands in the air, as if to say _NOW they get it!_

"_That's_ Kozmotis Pitchner?" Tooth said, staring in disbelief at the screen.

"Who?" Jack said, frowning.

"Before he was Pitch Black, Pitch was a human man named Kozmotis Pitchiner. He was a great general and he made it his life's work to capture all the Fearlings in the world." Bunny explained.

"But I thought you said that he made Fearlings?" Jack said.

"He did. The second Generation of Fearlings, at any rate. There has always been Fear, Pitch had only been around for ten thousand years. He just took the idea of Fearlings and added his own sadistic touch."

"Bunny!" Tooth admonished. "We don't-"

"I know, I know." Bunny said quickly. "We don't know if he really did use human children as Fearlings."

Tooth nodded. "That's right and as bad as Pitch is, I don't think we should judge him about this before we get all the facts."

Jack raised his hand. "Ahem. Uh, guys? I have no idea what you are talking about and I know that I won't for a while. Unless I want my brain to explode I should take a few minutes to digest all this, and the best way to past the time doing that is to start reading again. Can I?"

They all nodded. "Go ahead." Tooth said. Her curiosity was peaked. As was the others'.

Jack turned back to the computer and began to read.

"_I played and ran around and explored for the rest of the night. I only ran into Fearlings twice, and both times I escaped without hurting them-I was a little too spooked to actually kill them, lest it present more evidence that I was allying the Elementals with the men. Even if I was the last one around, I didn't want that to be how the dregs of our race ended up.'"_

This chapter was relatively short. Just some mush about crying, getting hurt by cliffs, and nests.

"Well," Jack sand when he was done with the chapter. "That was weird."

"You said it. You made a nest for Pitch?" Bunny said, trying not to chuckle.

"One, that was not me!" Jack said defiantly. "Two, this is just a story. Three, that's not something I would ever do. To anyone!"

"What about that tasting blood and tears thing?" Bunny prodded. "Like that's not weird at all."

Jack "hmph!"ed and began to read the next chapter.

"_Not long after the "Nest-and-Cave Incident", probably not even two dark-sky times, the big-little man came back into my forest.'"_

Jack read and read, getting more and more confused.

"'_Hi!" I chirped. "Did I scare you? I bet I did! I saw you looking for something again, what was it? I don't think you're gonna find it, if you haven't yet. Maybe I know where it is!"_

_He looked startled when he registered it was me, and quickly put the sword away. Hah! I thought so. Sleeping on people must be a greeting to show trust! He'd fallen asleep on me to show that we weren't enemies, and I'd rec_iprocated by making a nest for him. I was so proud of myself, I'd gotten his culture right so_ quickly!'"_

Bunny snorted.

"_'He pointed straight at his own chest._

_"Kozmotis. Kozmotis Pitchner. ____Kozmotis__."_

_"Kaus-motesh. Kauz...motes. Kauzmot-____ish__." I wanted desperately to get this right. It seemed important to him, and I wanted his face to light up one last time before he left. I concentrated very hard, "Kauzmotis!"_

_"Yes! Yes. Kozmotis." He told me, and we wore matching grins. He pointed at himself again, and told me, "Me...Kozmotis." He nodded, then pointed at me._

_Maybe he was a Kozmotis, and that's what big-little men were supposed to be called! Big-little men was an awfully strange name for a species. Then maybe the little-little men were just Motises?'"_

Bunny couldn't help himself. "Jack, you dim-bulb!" he said, laughing and smacking the boy on the back.

Jack was laughing just as much as Bunny was. "_Little-little men_? I assume I mean children."

"Don't you mean _Motises_?" Tooth teased.

"Oh shaddup."

The last bit of the chapter was some pish-posh about making ice-nests and falling off cliffs.

"You do have a habit of falling off cliffs, don't ya frosty?" Bunny said.

"Yeah, I guess I do."

Jack clicked on the next chapter. "'___I took a risk and threw myself upwards to safety with a yell, and my hands slipped. For a tiny moment I soared..._

___then _

___I _

_fell.'"_

_Can't wait to see how he gets out of this one,_ Bunny thought.

Apparently by being saved by spiders that were sent by the stars.

_"'Kozmotis!" I called. "That is no way to treat a lady!"_

_He looked startled, and looked over the cliff down at me. He nearly dropped his sword when he saw me!_

_I laughed, feeling the last tiny traces of Fear leave me. He'd been trying to fight my friend, not Fearlings! I just hadn't seen that there were no enemies because of the tree in my way. And now he looked so alarmed, his eyes all wide and looking between me and the...spider! Right, they were called spiders back at home! Though our spiders were considerably smaller, and they whispered secrets of the universe in your ear when you slept. I thought they'd looked familiar._

_"Hi spider! I remembered what you're called, aren't you glad? Now I can call you spider!" I told her happily. She chirruped at me, and I laughed again. The Kozmotis sighed at the both of us, then babbled at me in mostly unintelligible words. I heard '____you__' and '____me__,' though, and he sounded upset, so I was pretty sure I was being scolded._

_"Loosen up, Koz! It's fun, it's like a slide! Except upwards. An up-slide!" I shouted, finally close enough to the cliff that I could scramble up to join my friends. As I go to the top of the cliff, the spider chittered at me. She spoke the same language as the spiders at home, I remembered. How had I ever forgotten that language? I used to speak it all the time!_

_My spider-speak was a little rusty, but I did my best to chitter back, telling her all about the web and the cave and how the Kozmotis had to learn to live outside of caves like everyone should but I fell off the cave I was making in the trees and she saved me!_

_She laughed, in the dry, chattering way that spiders do, and told me to stay with the Kozmotis for just a little while. She said if one of her babies had been in that kind of danger, she'd want to be around it for a while, and the Kozmotis would want to make sure that I wasn't going to endanger myself further._

_I almost argued that I wasn't in danger, but then I remembered the Fear and I wasn't so sure._

_She looked at me knowingly and left the two of us to our own devices._

_Immediately after the spider left, the Kozmotis drew me close to him and wrapped his arms around me. I squirmed for a moment, feeling a little trapped, but eventually relaxed and allowed it._

_He murmured quiet, upset things at me and squeezed tighter, so I squeezed back. It was surprisingly comforting, reminding me of ages ago when my mother would hold me close while our guards fought the Fearlings. I burrowed into his chest.'"_

"AAAAAAAAW," Tooth cooed.

"AAAAAAAAW!" North cooed.

"AHHHHHHHH!" Bunny said sarcastically.

"Oh shuddup! The lot of you!"

The next twenty minutes were written from Kozmotis's point of view. It was really funny especially what he'd named Jack.

"Schakel." Jack said incredulously. "He named me 'Barker'?"

Bunny laughed. "I'm starting to like pre-Pitch Pitch."

"Oh har har har," Jack said.

"Next chapter!" Tooth sang excitedly.

Jack saluted exaggeratedly and clicked on the next chapter.

"'_Fluffy thrones! Imagine!'"_

"_'Oh! Oh! Idea!"_

"_'No snow...here. No snow, no snow. Yes snow, yes snow." _

Jack stopped when he ran into the forest again.

"Boy, I really have trust-issues." he said.

"You're the last of your species, Jack." Bunny said. He sounded a little sad. "I know what it feels like."

Jack turned to look at the huge rabbit. "Really?" he asked.

"Yes, really." Bunny said, without a trace of anger. Jack stood up and reached for the rabbit, but Bunny raised his hand to his boomerangs and said in a low voice, "If you ice me I'm going to whack you upside the head."

Jack smiled. He had indeed been trying to do that. All this emotion! It was horrible for a fun-spirit.

Jack nodded. "OK, OK, I won't. Let's finish these already!"

The last bit of the chapter explained why Kozmotis had betrayed him, or so he thought. He hadn't. Jack was just being paranoid.

"Next!"

"_'I was more excited than I'd ever been in my life. I just couldn't believe it, Kozmotis was about to spawn another Kozmotis! He and his wife were going to the city, and when they came back they'd have a tiny half-Kozmotis with them! It was...incredible. Amazing. I was beside myself waiting for them to come back.'"_

"Wait wait, what?" Jack said, frowning. "When did Kozmotis get a wife? I thought I just met the guy!"

"I think that between this chapter and the last, the author did a time-skip." Tooth said. "Skipping through time to a few years later, I guess."

Jack shrugged. "OK, but I really wanted to see what happened next."

"Just read." Bunny said. "I want to hear about Pitch's kid."

"Me too!" Tooth said excitedly.

_"'Seraphina! Welcome to the world, Seraphina!" I called, racing forward to the little bundle. I gently stole the bundle from Kozmotis, careful to support its head. Kozmotis instinctively followed her with his arms, wanting to grab her back from me, and I smiled even wider, if that were possible. If he was already protective of her, he would be a great father. I peered down at Seraphina, the tiny Kozmotis._

_She was ____adorable__._

_Her eyes were big and the brightest green I'd ever seen, and she had the slightest bit of wispy black hair on top of her head. She had a happy pink flush on her pale skin, and she smiled at me as I cradled her in my arms. The rest of the world stopped for a moment.'"_

"Awwww, Jack, you have a_ sister!_" Tooth cooed.

"I guess I do." He said. Then he glanced down at the bottom of the screen and let out a loud angry noise. "THERE'S NO NEXT CHAPTER!" he said angrily! "What's gonna happen next?!"

The others shrugged.

"UGH!" Jack said, clicking the review button.

_I'll get to it. Eventually, you have got to write what happens next! Please! I'm dying with anticipation here!_

The Guardians turned to look at each other. "I think our boy is hooked." North said, smiling.

"Yup." Tooth and Bunny said in sync.

When Jack was done, he turned back to the others. "Well, those were some of the most amusing stories I've ever read." The crazy look that had appeared in his eyes when he'd realized there wasn't a next chapter had disappeared and he had a smile on his face. "What was your favorite?" he asked the others curiously.

"Ghost stories."

"Code of the Guardians."

"Kill the Lights."

Sandy made an arrow and pointed to the screen.

Jack laughed. "Why do you like Code of the Guardians, North?" he asked.

"The story-line." the big Russian man said. "The idea of rules in the book and you trying to mess with them is the most believable of the stories we've read."

Jack nodded. "True." He glanced at the rabbit. "I know why you like Ghost Stories, Tooth." Tooth giggled. "But why do you like Kill the Lights, Bunny?"

Bunny shuffled his feet. "Ahhhh, um. . ."

"C'mon Cottontail." Jack prompted.

"I like the idea of me being human!" Bunny blurted out.

Jack stared at the Pooka for about a minute, then he began to laugh.

"It's not that funny," Bunny muttered.

"Yes- yes it is!" Jack choked. "I never would've thought! You, wanting to be a teenager!"

"Not a _teenager,_" Bunny said with such obvious distaste that Jack smiled.

"Just a regular human. It would be interesting."

Jack smiled. The rabbit was surprising. Jack nodded thoughtfully. "Huh."

Tooth looked from the screen to Jack. "You know Jack," She said slowly. "Pitch isn't doing much by sending us these stories. Sure, they're good for a laugh, but what is he trying to accomplish?"

"I have no clue." Jack said truthfully. "They were funny, yeah, but what is the point?"

The others shrugged. "I guess whatever plan the Boogeyman has back-fired on him." North said, laughing. "Now, don't we all have jobs to-"

"Wait!" Tooth said, moving forward to point at the screen. "There's one more!"

The others turned to look at the screen and they saw that she was right. At the bottom of the screen, there was one last story.

The Guardians looked at each other. "Well, we might as well get this over-with." Tooth said. "Jack?"

Jack nodded and began to read the note above the story title aloud. "_This last story is for my dear Toothiana. I hope you enjoy it. I did."_

Jack stopped and Tooth's face blanched.

"That does not bode well." North said.

Tooth coughed. "Well, it can't be all bad." she said, trying to look on the bright side of things. "Let's just read it and see for ourselves." But inside she was nervous. _"I hope you enjoyed it. I did." s_he muttered to herself. _"That doesn't sound good." _

Jack scrolled down farther and began to read aloud.

"Bright Feathers and Dream Catchers, by SparklingGem." Jack said. "Nice name."

"Yes, I agree. Now can you please read?" Tooth asked irritatedly.

Jack didn't answer._ "'The light summer breeze ruffled the curtains by the window, carrying the soft chirping of birds in its wake. Toothiana sighed contentedly, stretching out her arms and rolling on her side._

_Her eyelashes fluttered softly as her gaze landed on the man sleeping beside her. A small smile crept onto her soft lips as she slipped her arms around his torso and snuggled into his chest._

_The man stirred and slinked his arm around her waist, pulling her small body completely on top of his. Toothiana giggled softly, nuzzling her nose to his. "I'm sorry, did I wake you?"_

_His lips quirked up in a smirk, gently trailing his hands up and down the woman's sides. His amber eyes opened, gleaming mischievously up at her. "Well…" he drawled out, "I would definitely say there are far worse ways to woken up."_

_His hand slipped up her cheek and he gently pulled her face towards his. Their lips met and Toothiana felt his fingers running through her still tangled hair, snagging on curls._

_"Ouch-" Toothiana pulled away, a smile still on her face. "Pitch that hurt!" She laughed, running her fingers through her hair.'"_

Everyone's jaws dropped. "PITCH?!" They yelled, staring from the screen to Tooth. Tooth's eyes were bugged out wider than ever before. Her face was a pale milky-white and her mouth was open in a horrified O.

"PITCH?!" she nearly screamed. Her hands were balled into little fists and she was shaking. What on earth was going on? Was this his idea of a joke?! Tooth heaved in breath after breath. She was furious, only because of the fact that it seemed this story was all about her and Pitch! _Oh gods, _she thought, her face suddenly growing red. _I hope this isn't rated 'M'. _Tooth shuddered.

The other Guardians weren't doing much better. Jack was horrified at the thought of someone writing a story about Tooth and Pitch. That was like writing a story about him and Bunny!

Sandy was trying, hard, to keep from flying all the way to Pitch's lair and pummeling him.

North was torn between being amused and interested. He couldn't help it! Tooth was, after all, the only female guardian. Not that she should date their mortal enemy. No, that was certainly _not_ the best couple Cupid had ever chosen.

Bunny, unlike the others, was just about ready to laugh himself silly. Pitch, and Toothy? No way! This was just some cracked-up story a kid thought up for a cheesy fanfiction site.

"Guys, Tooth," he said slowly. "Relax."

Everyone turned to him, their eyes wide with astonishment.

"RELAX?!" Tooth screamed. Her body was shaking and her eyes were turning into dark purple orbs. _"RELAX?! _There is a story on the _internet_ all about me and Pitch! ON THE INTERNET!"

Bunny winced. "Hold on!" he said, holding up his paws. "Tooth, listen closely: This is nothing more than a stupid kiddie story. There's no way it's going to get serious!"

They almost thought steam was going to shoot out of Tooth's tiny ears.

"NOTHING SERIOUS?!" she screeched. She was hovering at least seven feet above the floor. When Tooth got agitated, as she was now, she had a habit of floating higher and higher the more angry she got. She barely got angry, but when she did, she was quite a site to behold.

Tooth swooped down on Bunny like a giant rainbow hawk. "_NOTHING SERIOUS?!_" she shrieked, grabbing Bunny by his front fur and hoisting him up into the air. "Perhaps you don't understand," she hissed in a low voice, rising higher and higher from the ground.

Bunny was scared out of his wits. How had he gone from laughing and smiling to hanging limply from a wild hummingbird-woman's grasp? "Tooth, let me down!" he squeaked.

"Tooth!" North shouted. He was worried too. Tooth had never been this angry before. She was like a bright rainbow thundercloud, full of anger and fury.

"There is a story. . ." she said. Her voice was low, soft and full of venom. "In the internet, about me and Pitch Black." Bunny's ears were slicked back against his head and he was shaking. Of maybe that was _Tooth_ shaking _him._

"Tooth! It's just a story!" he whimpered.

Tooth let out a growl, dropped down and released bunny. He landed on the ground with an "Umph!" and Tooth crash-landed in the swivel-chair. She snatched up the mouse and scrolled down, reading furiously. When she finished the seventh chapter, she was shaking.

"Oh it. . . is. . . ON!" she howled, pulling up the E-mail program and typing furiously.

The other Guardians looked at each other. "Uh, Tooth?" Jack asked hesitantly. "What are you doing?"

Tooth continued to type furiously. "Dear Mystichawk," she read her words aloud in a low voice, spoken between her clenched teeth. "I am Toothiana. I have read your E-mail and _I speak for all of us,_" she glared back at the other Guardians, who all nodded quickly. "when I say that I accept your offer. Please send _anything and everything_ you have on Pitch." she paused. "And thank you." she clicked the send button and then rocketed up from the chair, zooming towards the large open window. The male Guardians turned around and followed her with their eyes. They said nothing.

Tooth flew a few feet out the window, then she turned around to look down at the other Guardians. "Call me when she replies!" She called. Then she disappeared.

Jack, Bunny, Sandy and North looked at one another, then they looked back at the screen. "I wonder what she read." Bunny said, taking the seat slowly and scrolling up to where Tooth had stopped reading aloud. About fifteen minutes later, Bunny screeched.


	7. Bonus chapter! Pitch B's Secret Passions

**Aloha! **

**Ladies and gentledudes, I'd just like t say one thing:  
**

**THANK YOU SO FREAKING MUCH! **

**SEVENTY-FIVE REVIEWS, ideas, critiscisms, love, -****SEVENTY-FIVE REVIEWS- and all the other amazing stuff you guys have given me really warms my heart. I'm so damn grateful for you guys. **

**I know I hav****en't been writing for at least three days, but that's only because my electronics hate me, my brother broke my laptop charger and the people who I swipe Wifi from are out on a vacation and have locked their wifi with a passcode. Indicentally, their wifi username is F****YOU GET YOUR OWN. That may not be hilarious to you but it certainly is to me.**

**Anyway, back to my story. I'm seriously glad I managed to get the last chapter up because it was the end of a very large barrier. Now I know exactly what I need to do. Until I get the next real chapter written, here's a teaser chapter about Pitch Black's favorite things, kind of like a deleted scene, but I decided to include it as a chapter because I'm having trouble writing at the moment. It just features me and Pitch Black, making small talk. **

**NO! NOT like THAT!**

**Rack off.**

**Ahem. I dedicate this chapter to Starksulls, who had believed in me as a writer and, even though I've never seen her face or met her in person, I consider her my friend. She's certainly more loyal than anyone else I've met. **

**I also dedicate this to the OVER SEVENTY-FIVE reviewers who told me their thoughts, their ideas, their criticisms, and their wonderful encouragement and love. I HEART ALL OF YOU!**

**OK, no more wishy-washy. Just scroll down at read the story.**

* * *

Pitch Black was sitting in his lair, looking for more material to add to his Fanfiction war with the Guardians. So far, he'd found three stories where Jack and Bunny were a couple, a few ridiculous stories about Jack playing bad jokes on the Guardians and even one really antsy drama where Jack actually died, and Toothiana was so distressed by this that she stole the Grim Reaper's scythe and brought him back, but as a whisper, which was kind of like a ghost that couldn't talk. A bit of an improvement on Jack Frost, in his opinion.

His mood was his usual melancholy sulk, but the feedback on Mystichawk's story and the Guardians lack of counter-attack was slightly up-lifting. It meant that they weren't having an easy time finding something to retaliate with. That, or they hadn't gotten his E-mail and Mystichawk was incredibly incompetent. He bet the latter.

Pitch sighed and leaned back, scanning the screen before him. Eighteen clips form seven different stories. Three pictures, one of which featured Jack and Bunny, standing a few feet apart with profound blushes on their cheeks and a bundle of pink plump roses in Bunny's hand and a red heart-shaped card behind Jack's back.

The other, which Pitch found extremely amusing, showed a huge freezer with a see-through door, and inside it, squashed between a packet of meat and an ice tray, was Jack, his arms folded and a scowl fixed to his face. There was a speech bubble next to his face that said, "OK Jamie, this isn't funny. I've been in here for hours! Let me out!" To add to the humor, there was a small lock on the door of the freezer and a small arrow, leading to a larger rendition of the lock to the side showed that it was time-locked, set for twenty days. And, if you looked _reeeeeeally_ carefully, you could just make out the tip of a bushy tail, moving out of the edge of the picture.

The third picture, which Pitch had found on Tumblr, (at Mystichawk's request,) was of all the Guardians, but as members of the opposite gender. There was a really full-fronted female North, beard and all; a feathered, winged man with fuchsia eyes and a yellow feather sticking right up out of his head; a squat woman in a golden robe with hair that looked like a hedgehog and golden aviator's glasses; a tall pale young girl in a tight blue hoodie that was cut off right above her stomach; and a tall rabbit with green eyeliner and pink sparkly boomerangs with black ear-piercings. It was hilarious!

There had actually been a fairly accurate female rendition of him, but he'd copied the picture and cut him- or _her,_ rather, out of it. The artist had drawn her figure quite well, and her eyes were almost an exact copy of his eyes, but there was one thing that really irked him about the picture. Her nose. Her nose was far too large for a feminine face, and it was rather hooked.

And then there were the eyebrows again. The artist had neglected to draw eyebrows on the female rendition of him. Granted, it made her look very pretty, (almost as pretty as _he_ was sure _he_ was. Wait, no. He was not pretty. He was _handsome._ Men weren't pretty. Well, in any case, the general opinion was that he was far better-looking than a certain short snow-headed adolescent, and the fanfictions he'd found proved it!) but it was still slightly disconcerting.

The pictures had been edited slightly and their size had been reduced, due to Mystichawk's clever and quick keyboard-work, and now they were ready to be sent. Mystichawk had already sent the first E-mail, and all Pitch had to do was sit and wait until the Guardians replied, _if_ they replied.

Pitch sighed. Contentment was something Pitch Black wasn't used to, but now he felt strangely satisfied about something.

Maybe it was the fact that he was finally getting back at the Guardians for their treatment and neglect of him. Maybe it was because he was finally had someone on his side. Someone who actually wanted to help him, and not stab him in the back like those treacherous Nightmares. It was a good feeling, and it soon spread through his whole entire body, starting somewhere in his abdomen and traveling down his arms, then his legs, then up his torso and through his fingertips. The last thing to feel the warmth of his satisfaction was his face and head. There was a warm sensation behind his eyes and a buzzing, humming sound in his ears.

He felt like his whole being was in the center of a glowing pile of coals. Not burning, but pleasantly warm and tingling. The feeling was welcome, since he hadn't actually felt real warmth on his skin, gray or otherwise, since before he could remember. The sun burned him, he couldn't go out in it. Any other type of light annoyed him. He was a creature of the night, after all.

"Why are you humming?" A familiar voice asked.

Pitch opened his eyes and realized he'd been humming under his breath, then he sighed. "Hello Mystichawk." He said to the computer beside him.

"ABBY!" Mystichawk bellowed.

Pitch jumped about an inch, rubbing his inner ear and wincing. "Was that strictly necessary?" he asked, wary of the teenage girl's split-second rages. Even the most innocent of comments could appear condescending for this child. And it didn't really help that he was over five thousand years older than her and being condescending was part of his nature.

Silence.

"Sorry. My apologies, Abby."

Mystichawk humphed and muttered a thank you.

Pitch hadn't been expecting her. The last time they'd spoken, Mystichawk had told him that she wouldn't contact him again until the Guardians had replied. How she would know about it, he had no idea. All he knew was that she was a very accomplished hacker and if she could splice her video cable into Bunny's camera feed, she could hack into his E-mail and monitor it.

They were both silent for at least a minute, then Pitch cleared his throat. "Ahem. I don't mean to be rude-"

"Bull." Mystichawk snorted.

"OK, so I do, but I still want to know: What are you doing? I thought we agreed to wait until the Guardians messaged me back."

There was a ten-second pause and Pitch assumed she shrugged.

"I was bored." She finally admitted. "My mom's at work, I've got nothing to do, so I thought I'm talk to you again."

She didn't have very high hopes that he would want to talk to her, but even talking to _her_ would be better than sitting in his dank cavern, all alone.

Pitch raised an eyebrow. "You've honestly got nothing better to do than talk to me?" He asked.

Honestly, did this child have any friends?

"Yup. Absolutely nothing. And I'd bet that you have nothing better to do than talk to me. Am I right?"

Pitch sighed. She was right. Granted, the humming feeling was pleasant and welcome, but it wasn't really time-consuming. Sitting there, humming, wasn't the most interesting thing to do. "Not as such." He replied. "There isn't much to do in a giant cave with no one to talk to."

Mystichawk nodded. "No, there isn't, is there?"

Pitch nodded silently and Mystichawk was silent for another few minutes, at least.

"So," Pitch said, wondering what she would want to talk about. "What do you want to talk about?"

Mystichawk was silent for a bit, then she said derisively, "You."

Pitch frowned. "Beg pardon?"

"I've got a couple of question, Pitch. About you. You were the one character in the movies that didn't really get much of a back-story, and I didn't like that very much."

Pitch nodded. From what he'd seen, the movie was centered around Jack Frost, and he was only the bad guy. Bad guys didn't _need_ any back-stories.

"When I read up on you online, I found some interesting stuff, but I didn't know which of it was true or false. And, now that I have the chance to ask you in person, I really want to learn more about you, your job, your life."

Pitch frowned again. "Really?" He asked. "You want to know more about _me?"_

Mystichawk laughed. "What's so shocking about it? I feel like I've ___known_ you for years, but I don't know much _about_ you."

Pitch snorted. "Alright then," He said sarcastically. "What do you want to know?"

"Well, for one, what do you do all day?" She asked. She sounded really curious. "I know you play on your computer, but other than that I'm in the dark. Also, how do you stay alive, when you feed on nightmares, but you're trapped in that cave? And-"

"HOLD IT!" Pitch said, holding up a gray, slender hand to the screen. "First off, these are personal questions that I have no obligation whatsoever to answer. And secondly, why should I tell _you_ anything? You haven't told me anything about yourself.

"Writer confidentiality." Mystichawk answered simply. "I'm not allowed to tell you about myself over the internet, in case of weird people who stalk kids on here or something like that."

Pitch nodded thoughtfully. It made sense. If he were a- whatever age she was -child, he wouldn't want to give out his address or any personal information either. Still, he'd rather not divulge any of his secrets without some kind of compensation.

"How about this," He said, tapping his forefinger gently against his chin. "Each of us asks a question, and we both have to answer it? I promise I won't ask about your personal information, and you promise to respect my privacy as well. It will be a way to pass the time, and it's been forever since I've had a civilize conversation with anyone."

Mystichawk frowned, thinking his terms over. After about a minute, she nodded. "Alright. I accept. Who goes first?"

Pitch shrugged. "You, I suppose. It doesn't matter much to me."

Mystichawk nodded and smiled. "Alright. My first question: What do you _do_ all day in your cave? Do you like. . . play games? Read, plot, what?"

Pitch smiled. Good. Something easy to start out with. "I typically spend the majority of my time on my computer. I do read, occasionally. I have a rather large collection of books in my library. Plot, obviously. Games. . ." He paused, wondering how much he should tell. "I like the occasional game of solitaire."

Mystichawk _hmmed,_ thoughtfully. "Huh. And what do you do on your computer?"

Pitch wagged a gray finger. "Oh no, that's not how it works. Now you have to answer the question. What do _you _do all day? I suspect you don't live in a cave."

Mystichawk smiled. "No, I don't live in a cave. I spend a lot of time on my computer too. Reading, writing, typing on Fanfiction. It really is the most amazing site." She said wistfully.

Pitch smirked. "Hmm, Interesting."

Mystichawk laughed. "Alright. Your turn."

Pitch nodded, thinking. What he really wanted to know was, how and why had she come up with the idea to use his life as a story. Why had she picked him? Was it because he was the best character from the movie? Because she liked him the most? It was kind of surprising, but Pitch had resigned himself to not be surprised when it came to the maniacal purple-haired writer.

"How do you come up with your stories?" He finally asked. "What is your inspiration?"

Back in her room, Mystichawk blinked. "Huh?" she asked, wondering if she'd heard him right.

Pitch sighed. "How... do... you... get... your... inspiration?" he asked slowly and clearly. Mystichawk could hear the condescending tone in his voice. She hated when people spoke condescendingly towards her.

"I heard what you said, idiot." Mystichawk snapped. "I don't mean that kind of 'what'." Pitch heard her sigh in exasperation. "I _hate _it when people do that!"

Pitch frowned at the screen. Apparently his people skills weren't very good. "My apologies. Was that one of the questions I shouldn't have asked?"

"No no," Mystichawk said quickly, shaking her head back and forth. "It's alright. It just wasn't one of the questions I was expecting."

She didn't speak for several minutes. Then, just when Pitch was beginning to suspect she wasn't there anymore, she answered in a surprisingly cheerful voice.

"Well, most of my inspirations come from other writers. I read their books, then ideas come to me and I can't help writing them down. And I'm not just talking about Fanfiction stories here. My other novels are all inspired by other people's work." She paused and Pitch found himself wishing he could read one of her other stories.

Strange. He wasn't usually interested in such trivial things as children's stories. Well, maybe he was growing old. Or maybe it was the fact that he hadn't had a decent conversation for decades on end. Whatever the reason, he decided to avoid any awkward silences and asked another question.

"What kinds of stories?" He asked.

It was Mystichawk's turn to wag her finger. "Uh-uh, Pitch. One question at a time. And besides, this is one I'd really like to know the answer to: Where do _you _get _your_ inspiration?"

Pitch frowned, not completely sure what she meant. "Pardon?"

Mystichawk let out an impatient sigh. "For your nightmares! Where do you get your inspiration for them? From other people's fears? From your own imagination? C'mon, you gotta give me something."

Pitch frowned again. Was she talking about the _horse_ Nightmares? "It's relatively easy to make the Nightmares." He replied. "It just requires an enormous amount of concentration. I use the Nightmare Sand to craft them, and they find fear on their own. Horses are the only creatures on the planet who literally smell fear. When they smell that fear, they suck it in and that gives them corporeal form. It's hard not to be afraid of giant black sand horses with glowing fiery eyes."

"Not _those_ kinds of Nightmares, Pitch! I mean the ones you feed on. The ones kids have. How do you make those kind of nightmares?"

Pitch nodded thoughtfully. "Ah. My mistake. Those kinds of nightmares are created solely from childrens' minds. I only act on them, making them darker and more terrifying. The worst enemy of anyone is their mind, you know. I take the fear that is already inside them and mold it, shaping it into a nightmare."

This wasn't really the answer Mystichawk was looking for, but she shrugged, leaning back in her brand-new swivel-chair. "Huh. Interesting."

Several more minutes passed without any conversation passed between the two. Pitch was thinking over his answer to her latest question and Mystichawk was tapping her finger quietly against the table, wondering what she could asked. She wanted to try and keep away from the weirder questions like the one she'd just asked. It took too long to answer.

"Do you watch and T.V and if you do, what kind?" she finally asked.

Pitch smirked. Good. An easy answer.

"I do watch the occasional television program." He said, casting his mind back to the old movie collection he had stashed somewhere in his caves. "There's hardly anything good on, but once in a while I find a decent comedy like IT or a musical like The Legend of Sleepy Hollow."

Mystichawk laughed. "You think the headless horseman story is a musical?" she asked incredulously.

Pitch shrugged. "Well, it does have that marvelous number: The headless horseman of Sleepy Hollow." Pitch began humming the tune under his breath. Good times.

"_The headless horseman of Sleepy Hollow, _

_Never to ride in peeeeeeace!_

_If you listen closely you can hear hear hear _

_his horse's footsteps loud and cleeeeeear!"_

Mystichawk recoiled. "Oh _please_ don't sing that. I violently _hate_ that movie."

Pitch was appalled. "What? It's one of the classics! That's like hating The Eaters of the Dead or Jeepers Creepers!"

Mystichawk grinned to herself. Who'd have thought I would be spending my time discussing horror-movies with the Boogeyman?

"I'll grant you, 13th Warrior _was_ pretty good. Jeepers Creepers was good too, but I liked the second one better."

Pitch made a face. _"Please._" he drawled. "The second one was _pathetic._ It didn't even hold a candle to the first one."

Mystichawk laughed. "OK OK, it was a bit cheesy. They went a _bit_ over the top." Pitch heard something crunch and he assumed Mystichawk was eating chips.

"So, what about you?" he asked. "Do you watch T.V?"

Mystichawk shrugged. Then when she remembered he couldn't see her she felt silly. Honestly, he spoke to her like he was right in the room with her! It was kind of easy to forget that they were several states apart! "I don't have cable in my house. I mother hates it, and so do I! Too many stupid commercials and advertisements everywhere! Blah!" She made a face. "If I want to watch a T.V show I'll rent it off Netflix. They've got some really good ones on there. Movies too."

Pitch nodded. "I have heard of that. Netflix. Do they deliver?"

Mystichawk nodded again. "Yup. They mail the movies straight to you and all you have to do is maintain your account by paying a monthly bill of less than twenty bucks. I'd get Netflix if I were you, Pitch. It's one way to pass the boring hours."

Pitch smiled dangerously. "Oh, but I have you to talk to." he said smoothly. "What entertainment can a round plastic disk provide that the conversation of another human cannot?"

Mystichawk rolled her eyes. "What indeed. I almost wish I had an episode of Total Blackout to watch right now."

Pitch's ears pricked up. "Total Blackout?" he asked. Mystichawk thought he sounded like a dog would if it was really hungry and it said, "Food?"

"Yeeeeeeees," she said, wondering what that meant to the Fear Spirit.

Pitch coughed. "I seem to recall watching that ah. . . several years ago. Rather amusing, as I remember it."

Mystichawk's jaw felt like it was falling all the way to the earth's core. She couldn't speak.

"You've. . . watched. . . Total Blackout?" she asked slowly, an evil look crossing over her face.

Pitch coughed again. "Ahem. Yes. A long time ago." He sounded nervous. And he had a right to be.

Silence for at least three minutes. Pitch looked at the computer screen, then around the cave. "Ah. . . Mystichawk?"

The laugh that erupted from the speakers was nearly deafening for Pitch. He jolted back away from the hidden speakers, clutching his ears against the loud guffawing laughter.

Mystichawk was laughing so hard she was crying. Tears were streaming down her face and she was clutching her stomach, doubling up with laughter.

"You- You-!" Mystichawk said, laughing loud and long in between her words "You watch_ Total Blackout?!_" she squeaked out. The whole idea was so utterly funny! She'd never, ever, even _imagined_ such an abnormal person might be into something so mundane as a T.V show! It was completely hilarious!

Pitch was annoyed. "Yes," he said peevishly. "I do, on occasion, watch the show."

The tone of his voice made her laugh more.

"He he he he ha ha ha! That's hilarious!" she said, hiccuping. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just so funny! You, watching a regular T.V show!"

"I don't see what's so funny about it." Pitch grumbled. "It's something plenty of people do. Just because I'm the Boogeyman, doesn't mean I can't enjoy a few human novelties."

"Like what?" Mystichawk asked. She was curious. What other deep, dark and amusing secrets did the Boogeyman have?

"Wait a minute!" Pitch said, holding up his hand again. "It's my turn to ask a question."

"It is not!" Mystichawk said.

"It is so. You asked if I watched T.V, then I asked you. It's my turn."

Mystichawk sighed. "Alright. Shoot."

Pitch smiled. He really didn't have an important question that he vitally had to have the answer to. He just wanted to have a turn. He was petulant that way. "What's your favorite book, movie and T.V show?" he asked.

Mystichawk laughed. "_That's _the best question you can some up with?"

Pitch rolled his eyes. "Fine. Why-"

"Ah ah ah," she said, wagging her finger. "No take-backsies."

Pitch rolled his eyes again. "You sound like a three-year-old."

"Meh." Mystichawk said. "I don't really care. Now, my answer." she paused, thinking. "My favorite T.V show is totally Bones, movie has got to be Rundown, Favorite book? Oh gods is that hard. Um. . . ah. . ."

"Let me guess, you have too many books to pick a favorite?"

She nodded. "Yep. Too many serii as well."

"Serii?"

"Plural form of serises." Mystichawk said. "The main problem is, I don't have that many single books that I like."

"OK, what about your top ten serises and top five single books?"

"Ah, that's much easier." she said, smiling. "Firstly for my favorite serii: the Leviathan trilogy, by Scott Westerfeld. I absolutely love Artemis Fowl, the Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel series, the Sisters Grimm, the Septimus Heap series, the Land of Elyon by something Carmen. I never remember authors. The Icemark Chronicles was a good one. Vampirates, Percy Jackson and the Olympians and lastly: the Heroes of Olympus. I love these books equally and none are better that the other."

Pitch smiled. "They all sound like fiction."

"They are."

Pitch's smile widened. "So, what about your five favorite single books?"

"Well Heir Apparent immediately tops that list. It's a great book! Then Ship Breaker- actually," She said, halting herself. "I think that's a series, but I've never read the other one. Ghost Ship is a good book, Deep, Dark and Dangerous is a freaking great book, as is every book by Mary Downing Hahn. And the Graveyard Book is perhaps my second favorite."

"Those all sound like ghost stories," Pitch said thoughtfully.

"They are. Well, apart from Ship Breaker and Heir Apparent. I love ghost stories!" She said happily.

"Really?" Pitch asked. "How many to you have?"

"Well, I have the complete works of Mary Downing Hahn, the great horror novelist- which is over forty books, let me tell you."

"Forty?" Pitch asked in disbelief. "Wow. Are they thick?"

"No. Never more than an inch."

"Then they must be very very good."

"They are! You should read them!"

Pitch smirked. "I prefer Edger Allan Poe and Stephen King."

Mystichawk blinked. "You're joking. Those are like, ancient! Have you read anything from _this_ era?"

Pitch squirmed. "Well, I do read the occasional James Patterson novel."

"PITCH!" Mystichawk yelped. There was a note of anger in her voice. "You read _those? Really?!_"

"What's wrong with those books?" he demanded. "Besides, if you're referring to the adult-themed content-"

"I _am,_" Mystichawk interrupted.

"-and I am over five thousand years old!" Pitch said exasperatedly. "I am older than your mother's mother's great grandmother!"

"Plus, you're a man." Mystichawk muttered.

"Indeed!" Pitch said hotly. This conversation was like speaking to his mother- which he couldn't remember but he assumed this was what it was like. "What I do with my own time neither affects you, nor is any of your business. If you're going to judge me by what I read-"

"Sorry, sorry. I just can't get over how cheesy those books are." She said.

Pitch frowned. "Wait a minute. . . have you read those books?" He asked slowly.

"No!" Mystichawk said a little too quickly.

"You _have!_" Pitch exclaimed. "Mystichawk, you read those books?! You can't be older than sixteen!"

"I only read _one,_ and even then I threw it out a window after a _single page_!" She protested. "I couldn't get past all the nasty stuff!"

"It's a genera made for adults, _Abby."_ Pitch said dryly. "You shouldn't be reading things like that in any case."

"I know, I know. Gods, you sound like my dad." She muttered sullenly. "I only read it because I thought it was a horror novel."

Pitch rolled his eyes again. "You didn't read the back?"

Mystichawk shook her head. "No." she admitted.

"Huh. You might've saved yourself some trouble if you had read the back."

"Now you _really_ sound like my dad." she said.

Pitch didn't know whither to take that as a complement or an insult, so he just stayed silent.

After about twenty seconds, Mystichawk spoke again.

"So who's turn is it?"

"Mine, I think." Pitch said.

Mystichawk frowned. "Wait, is it?" She asked, trying to run through the questions quota.

"Yes. The last person who asked a question was you, and you asked if I read those Patterson Books."

"Bull!" Mystichawk said. "You asked what was my favorite book, movie and T.V series and I said-"

"Yes yes alright, you caught me." Pitch said quickly, not wanting a repeat performance of their conversation from five minutes ago.

"HA! You admitted you cheated, so I get two questions!" Mystichawk crowed.

"What?! That wasn't the deal!" Pitch said angrily, glaring at the computer.

"Clause five-hundred and forty-two. Should'a read the contract I signed for you." Mystichawk replied.

Now Pitch was utterly confused. "What?"

"Moving on!" Mystichawk said cheerfully. "OK, my two questions-"

"Wait, wait a minute!" Pitch said, holding up his hand to the screen. "What clause? What contract?"

Mystichawk smiled. "Clause five-hundred and forty-two states that, if you try to cheat and ask me more than one question a turn I get to ask you two. That, or spray-paint your entire cavern the color of my choice and believe me," here she paused and Pitch could feel her evil smile. "I have _soooooooooo_ many shades of pink and purple that I've been absolutely _dying_ to try out."

Pitch gulped. The idea was too horrible.

"OK, ask your questions." he said hoarsely.

"Yippa! Firstly, since you never answered after I answered-

"You side-tracked me!" Pitch objected.

"Favorite book, movie and T.V show. Go go go!"

Pitch sighed. "Book: Dante's Inferno."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Movie: Underworld."

"Again, not surprised."

"T.V show," Pitch paused.

"Honest answer," Mystichawk reminded him.

"Yes yes I know!" Pitch snapped. "Favorite T.V show. . ." He lowered his head. "Wipeout." He muttered.

Mystichawk's eyes bulged.

"WIPEOUT?!" She screeched, then commenced with giggling her head off again.

Pitch glowered. "Yes, Wipeout!" He snapped. "I've been into that show ever since it aired."

Mystichawk was letting out hysterical yells and squeaks of laughter. She could not contain herself! It was all she could do to not pee her pants! The great Boogeyman who scared children silly, was the scourge of shadows and feared by all, liked to watch people get hit by various objects and foam. She could just picture him, sitting in front of his screen and eating a bowl of popcorn. She snorted another laugh and then she was off again, laughing and rolling around in her swivel-chair.

"I didn't make fun of you when you told me what you liked!" Pitch said angrily.

"Yeah, because you _didn't know_ what they _were!" _Mystichawk squeaked in between laughs.

"True." Pitch admitted.

"Plus, there's nothing wrong with Mary Downing Hahn, Bones or Rundown! But when a ten thousand-year-old fear spirit says he spends his time watching Wipeout, it's just sad."

Pitch glowered.

"I _do_ do other things," He grumbled. "Read, write, type, play the occasional game,"

"Write?" Mystichawk said, sobering up instantly. "You write?"

Pitch paled. "Um, yes." he said slowly.

Mystichawk's curiosity was peaked. "Like what?" she asked politely.

"Things," Pitch said mysteriously.

"Pitch, do you want me to hack into your documents and post them all ovr Fanfiction?" Mystichawk said casually, as if she was talking about what kind of shoes she should wear.

Pitch paled. "You wouldn't-"

"Oh, _wouldn't I_?" The sinister tone in her voice was almost sharp enough to cut bone.

Pitch lowered his head again. He was being black-mailed into revealing some of his most private documents! By a teenager!

"Fine. Fine." he said. "I like writing short stories about what I'm going to do to the Guardians if I ever win."

Mystichawk was strangely silent. For a long time.

Pitch was only slightly concerned. She was probably in another room, eating chips or laughing so that she wouldn't spit on the screen.

After five minutes, Mystichawk said, "Why do you want to win so badly, Pitch?" she asked.

Pitch did a double-take. "What?"

"Pitch, this is the last question I am going to ask you and I want an honest answer. After that, I'm going to leave and I won't contact you until the Guardians contact me. Likewise for you."

Pitch subconscious nodded. "Yes." He agreed before he could stop himself. There was a strange tone in her voice. Pity? No. Regret? No. He couldn't pin-point it. Was she sorry for him? Did she regret making fun of him?

"Why do you want to win so badly?" she asked, slowly and clearly.

Pitch thought for several minutes.

One: revenge on the Guardians, two: to usher in a new age of darkness, three: to make children believe in him. That was it, wasn't it?

"And before you answer, Pitch," Mystichawk said quickly. "I want you to think about your answer. All I want is an honest answer."

Pitch nodded. "Yes. And the honest answer is this: I want to win. . . because I want to know what it feels like." he paused, looking down at his hands. "I've never won in the fights with the Guardians. Not once. To win. . . it would be the most wonderful thing I could ever experience."

Mystichawk literally felt a tear roll down her cheek. She brushed it away gently. "I understand, Pitch." she said.

Pitch laughed bitterly. "No, you don't." he said.

They sat in silence for another few minutes, then Pitch asked, "Are you going to post this on Fanfiction? This conversation?"

Mystichawk shook her head. "No. I wouldn't do that to you, Pitch."

Pitch let out a sigh of relief. "Good. If any of those secrets got out, I would be the laughing-stock of the entire world."


	8. It Was Four Writers Of Fanfiction

**Hey guys! Did you like Pitch Black's Secret Passions? Was it any good?**

**I sure hope so.**

**OK, I'm sorry for not adding a new chapter to this for a while. I have a bunch to do, regarding my novel and with summer coming up, I've been spending a lot of time outside in the sun, WHICH IS GOOD IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN OUTSIDE FOR A COUPLE WEEKS BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN AT EVERY COMPUTER YOU CAN LAY YOUR HANDS ON, TYPING.**

**He he. Sorry. I let caps lock get away from me there.**

**Firstly, I'd like to reply to all my awesome reviewers. If you did not review then you can skip this part. **

**To DayDreamer425: dude/dudette, it's not finished! I can't write a equal if it's not finished. Possible you meant "add a new chapter," which I will gladly do! **

**To MD: FINALLY! Someone who's actually read the Graveyard book! the last time I asked anyone if they'd read it, they answered, "what's that? Some kinda band?" UGH! PEOPLE!  
He he. sorry. Thank you for the review. **

**To Darkblade 2.0: Cool, though I really wish people might send me longer reviews. Take a leaf out of Rose Silverpen's book! Hers are always long!  
Sorry to be kinda demanding, but one-liners are seriously boring to read. *sigh* Thank you anyways. **

**To Rose Silverpen: Yeah, I kind of thought Dante's inferno was a given favorite book for the Boogeyman. Wipeout was an amusing prank on my part, and the idea of a book about hell being in a christian school is a bit redundant, but hey! Your school!  
Thank you for sticking with me with your long and incredibly detailed reviews. I really like reading them.  
Keep up the good work and I shall keep up mine.**

**To Guest: Good. Then you'll run out of air and I'll be able to add another name to my dead-reader's list. MOM! Prepare the next grave plot!**

**To Mayhaah: Yes. I'm a liar. So is he! He he. but think how annoyed you'd all be if I didn't post it! **

**To CGriffandorGrimm: I have no idea what that means, but thanks for the review. **

**To Zorua Illusion: I KNOW RIGHT? And thank_ you,_ for reviewing. **

**To pearlsofwisdom: Yes, I did. Bad me. I had my fingers crossed behind my back. **

**To starskulls: Thanks Star. You are a queen among writers as well. I'm so glad you like my ! Cupcake! (Not the girl)  
**

**To savedbygrace94: thanks. Hope you like the next bits.**

**To RizReviewer: Thank you, my friend, for showing me those amazing stories and I will so totally be asking their authors if I can use their stories in here. You are amazing too.**

**To Dragoscilvio: I will pass that invitation on to him.**

**Riz, I already replied to you but I'm gonna do it again anyway. DAMN! MOM get another plot of earth and a shovel ready! I killed another one! JK, I'm teasing. You are alive, right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? RIGHT?!  
Well of course you are, otherwise you couldn't have written the previous review. Unless. . .  
**

**CALL THE GHOSTBUSTERS! RIZ IS BACK TO HAUNT MY STORY FOREVER!**

**Again, JK. **

**To savedby grace94: No, she certainly is not. **

**To HiddenHero220: The offer is much appreciated, but I think I'll save cross-overs for later. The information might make poor wittle Pitch's head expwode. **

**To Candle Dark: Thank you! **

**To Guest: Not sure what all them letterses stands for, but thankyer kindly!  
**

**To Binditheskunk: LOVE the name, by the way. Glad you're having fun.**

**To DjinnAtwood: Um, Okaaaaaaay. Thanks. **

**To KHsupergeek1288: again, waiting 'till later to reveal cross-ovewrs to Pitch. But thanks for the idea though! Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**To Rose Silverpen: No probalamo Rose. Thanks for reviewing.**

**To HiddenHero220(Again!): Thanks for the idea and yes, I did read it. It was pretty good, I grant you.**

**To Starskulls: wow. everybody needs an inhaler after reading my story. Maybe I should start giving them out. ONE FREE IN EVERY CHAPTER! That, or a defibrillator. **

**To Drago: Here, have a virtual inhaler! And stop coughing all over my screen! Thanks Drago, your support means a lot to me. As does all of yours!  
**

**To The-Silver-Butterfly150: You should fear the Bunny. You should.**

**To The-Silver-Butterfly150 (Again!): If that's what floats your boat, Silver. **

**To Frost: Jeez, at this rate I'll have a back-yard full of dead readers! Not a good thing. **

**To esdertytg: That's the first head explosion that can be added to my count of WAYS I'VE KILLER READERS. Cool.**

**To Candle dark: Yes, his plan- or MY plan, depending on how you look at it, is oh so totally back-firing on him.**

**To OnyxKozmotis: No. I'm not trying to, but I seem to do it anyway. Yes, you go and have those cookies with Fredrick. **

**To DayDreamer425: I have. You just have to read and review.**

**To starskulls:YOU AND I ARE SO TOTALLY IN AGREEMENT THERE GIRL! I HATE SCHOOL TOO!  
**

**OK sorry for all the people I'm not replying to. My hands are cramping and you know I love you anyways. **

**OK, let's get this bacon shakin'! **

**_*Sigh*_ did I really just say that? I'm becoming more and more like my mother every day. **

**Ok, down to business: My buddy and great writer Fantasydreamer244- or Fanty, as I call her, has suggested a fantastic idea- if it is possible for her to have any other types of ideas -and I decided to go along with it. After a few laborious days, this was the result.**

**This chapter pays homage to three other great writers.**

**Fantasydreamer244, Starskuls, and dragocilvio.**

**These three writers have transformed this place with their amazing work. Doubtless there are hundreds more writers that are great on here, but I have decided to pick these three because they are my friends.**

**And. . . if you get me, them and Pitch Black into a room, there's gonna be some fun.**

***BEEP BEEP BEEP* SPOILER ALERT!**

**Just read da dang chapter gumbie!**

* * *

Mystichawk was sitting at her desk, as usual.

"WHERE is my dinner?!" She yelled at the door of her apartment that led out into the hall. "Come ON you guys, I'm getting old here!

"As old as Pitch?" came a snide voice from behind the door.

Mystichawk rolled her eyes. "Ha ha Star. NOW GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE!"

The door flew open and in the doorway stood three female teenagers.

The one in the lead, a tall girl with dark-brown hair and a pair of crooked glasses perched on her dainty nose, held about half a dozen paper bags and a bucket of KFC.

"You eat waaaaay too much chicken for your own good." Star said, handing over the bucket.

Mystichawk snatched the bucket and plowed right in, snatching a leg and taking a huge chunk out of it.

"Hicken ith goo fo ee."* Mystichawk said proudly. There was a strip of chicken hanging out of her mouth and she sucked it up like a spaghetti noodle.

"EWWWW!" The two other girls said in unison.

Mystichawk sighed. "What else did you get?"

One of the other girls, short with brown hair in a Calhoun (the guy from Wreck-it Ralph) hair-cut, a black T-shirt and glasses, opened a bag and said proudly, "Estrella!"**

"Ah!" Mystichawk sighed. "The only place around here where they make pan, and it's the best pan*** in the freaking world!"

"You got that right," The third girl said. She had blonde hair and bright green eyes. "I have never had it anywhere else, but it's probably not half as good!"

"Ah Drago, ever the drama-queen." Calhoun hair-cut said. JK, her name is Fanty.

"Ah Fanty, ever the. . . the. . ." Drago said slowly, trying to find the an adjective that described her friend in an insulting manner but failing.

"Girls, girls, can we put the BFF fight on hold and get down to business?" Mystichawk interrupted after chomping down on a chicken thigh.

"Wow, you seem kinda irritable." Star commented, taking out a sugary pastry from one of the paper bags and biting into it. "You get up on the wrong side of the coffin?"

Mystichawk smiled at the feeble joke, then said sheepishly, "I had another all-nighter."

The three girls groaned. "Seriously?" Star asked incredulously. "How long?"

Mystichawk lowered her head. "Two."

"TWO!" The girls all yelled at the same time.

"Dammit Abby, I thought we made a deal about not staying up past twelve?" Fanty demanded.

"I couldn't help it!" Mystichawk protested. "And at least I got the sixth chapter published!"

The girls instantly dropped their stern expressions and nearly trampled Mystichawk in their efforts to be the first one to the desk. Dragon won. Mstichawk got pushed off her chair.

"Hey!" Mystichawk said indignantly as she landed on the floor with a thump loud enough to shake the floor.

They ignored her, focusing intently on the black laptop screen.

"Oh sure, I'm fine guys, thanks for-"

Fanty waved her hand to shut Mystichawk up and Mystichawk got to her feet grumbling.

The girls read through the newest chapter in less than an hour and when they were finished, they turned around and graciously helped Mystichawk to her feet.

"Sorry Abby." Drago said. "I just really wanted to read it! It was great!"

"Me too!" said Star and Fanty at the same time.

Mystichawk smiled. Her friends were so freaking awesome!

"It's alright guys," She said, thinking back to the time when she actually _had _stepped on Drago in an effort to get to the computer first when Star had said that there was a new youtube video of Pitch doing the moon-walk on the globe. "All's well."

To which, of course, the other three girls shouted at the top of their lungs, "NINE O'CLOCK AND ALL'S WELLLL!"

Mystichawk and the others collapsed into a pile of hapless giggles.

"I still do that at midnight," Star admitted. "To bug my boyfriend."

Mytichawk laughed. "And what did he ever do to you?"

Star chuckled. "Oh, nothing really. It's just fun to see him bolt upright screaming something about murderous crickets."

Mystichawk hiccupped. "_Murderous crickets_?" She asked. "Has he been reading the Last Guardian too much?"

Star shook her head. "No. He doesn't even like Artemis Fowl."

"Huh. Well, that's not as bad as my famous line." Mystichawk said, chuckling. The other girls laughed too.

Mystichawk had once gone to a movie with them and, apparently the movie was so dull it had lulled her to sleep. When they tried to wake her up at the end of the movie, she sat bolt up-right and screamed at the top of her lungs, "GIVE ME BACK MY GIANT BONZE CUPCAKE!" Needless to say, they were banned from that theater forever.

Star rolled her eyes. _Three. . . two. . . one. . ._

_"GIVE ME BACK MY GIANT BRONZE CUPCAKE!" _They all yelled at the same time. This was a daily ritual that they all practiced. Whenever someone mentioned something funny that they'd said, they all yelled it at the top of their lungs. It was a weird-ADHD-girl-thing.

"Ok, what's grubbin'?" Mystichawk asked after they'd all laughed themselves out.

The girls nodded and turned to the food they'd brought.

"Beef." Fanty said, claiming her plate of taco-meat with various herbs and sauces.

"Chicken." Star said, picking up a small bag that was lying on Mystichawk's bed. She'd learned long ago that Mystichawk could polish off an entire bucket of KFC and still say twenty minutes later, "I'm hungry!"

"Pizza." Drago said, picking up a personal pizza box from Alfy's.

"CHICKEN!" Mystichawk squealed, picking up another piece from the KFC bucket. "Mmm! So good!"

The others exchanged amused looks. Chicken and pan. Those two things were what kept their friend going. That, and . The greatest site on the interweb.

After about ten minutes, during which they talked about everything from Mystichawk's favorite comic, Toph Vs. Bumi, to the abundance of rainbow food on youtube.

"I still don't get how they get rainbow bread. It sounds like something from Willy Wonka." Star said.

"I agree." Mystichawk said, taking a huge bite out of a chicken breast. "And _rainbow popcorn?! _Like, massive amounts of ewweth!"

The girls laughed. They LOVED making fun of girls who spoke like that. Jabbering like squirrels to each other in barely intelligible English. It was sort of mean, but it was also funny.

"EWWETH!" The girls said loudly, then they laughed. The eth at the end was a joke on Shrek and Third.

"Oh boy," said Fanty, wiping her eyes. "This never gets old."

"Never." The others agreed.

"So, what's on the list for tonight?" Star asked, picking up a slice of Drago's pizza and promptly getting it snatched away.

"Pizza makes you irritable." Drago said.

"It does not!"

"Girls, girls," Mystichawk said, sticking up her hand (which still had a chicken leg in it,). "Let's all calm down now, shall we?"

Star and Drago glared suspiciously at each other.

"My Pizza." Drago said grumpily, clutching the slice to her chest and inadvertently smearing sauce all over herself.

"_My _chicken." Star said just as grumpily, holding the bag of chicken like it was a priceless gemstone.

"OK, Jack Sparrows!" Mystichawk said, giving up. These two were great friends, but they fought like cat and dog. Not real fights though. Play-fights. Bashing each other over the head with chicken legs and trying to steal each other's food. Stuff like that.

"I swear, if I didn't know you were three years older than you, I would think you were twins separated at birth!" Mystichawk mutter, smiling.

"We don't look alike!" they said at the same time.

"No, but twins don't have to look alike. It's called paternal twins. I think."

"Nope. _Fra_ternal twins." Fanty corrected without looking up from her beef taco.

"Thank you doctor Fanty." Mystichawk said graciously.

"Don menshin i'." she said through a mouthful of beef and taco shell.

"Yeah. You two are like fraternal twins, separated by birth." Mystichawk said firmly.

"But like you said, I'm three years older!" said Drago.

"Good point." Mystichawk said.

"Separated sibling, maybe?" Star suggested.

"Possibly."

"Are you guy going to talk all night or are we going to make fun of the Boogeyman?" Fanty asked sternly.

"Yes mother," The three girls chorused as one.

Fanty was the oldest of all of them and she fussed like a mother, but partied like a wild-child. The three of them had many fond memories of going to parties down the hall and finding Fanty already there, half-wasted on spiked cider and bobbing for apples in the bath-tub. Unfortunately for her, sometimes the apples she was bobbing for weren't exactly apples.

"That's right," Fanty said. "So, what have you got for us, Mystic?"

"Dang blast you Fanty," Mystichawk said, adopting a cantankerous old-person voice and waving an imaginary cane. "I told yer a hundred thousand times, call me ABBY!"

Fanty laughed. "You're getting better with your voices, Abby."

Mystichawk-

* * *

**A/N: Oh blow it, I'm just gonna call her Abby! It's easier!  
**

* * *

Abby took a bow and smiled. "Aye. I've almost perfected me Scottish accent. Just a bi' more accentin' on the vools."

"Vools?"

"Vowels."

"Ah."

"So," Fanty said, interrupting again. Mystichawk was famous for her topic-changes, whither on purpose or no. "What have you got for us Abby?"

Abby smiled. The sight sent shivers up and down the girls' spines. "I thought it would be nice to see how Pitch is doing. Maybe talk to him a little bit about our stories. Get some feedback."

The girls smiled and theirs perfectly mimicked Abby's.

"Excellent." Fanty said. "I know what he said before, about Listen to your Heart, but I want to hear it from his own lips."

"I know he sent me a review for Tortured," Star said. "But I want to hear how much he liked it from his own mouth too."

"Yeah." Drago agreed. "_I_ want to see is his reaction to that cavity story, what was it?"

"Bright Feathers and Dream-Catchers." Abby said automatically.

"Yeah. About him and Tooth. He said he enjoyed it."

"Pitch is a man-" Abby said dismissively.

"In the loosesed sense of the word," Fanty laughed.

"-so of course he enjoyed it." finished Abby. "And anyway, I thought you would want to know how he reacted to Baby Jack and Pooka Jack."

Drago shrugged. "I know you didn't give him Pooka Jack yet and he isn't really shown in Baby Jack."

Abby winced. "Yeah, I'm sorry about not giving him Pooka Jack. I thought we should wait and give the Guardians that story later."

Drago waved the apology away. "No problem. I didn't think he'd like it much anyway. I'd rather see the expression on his face when he read the first few paragraphs of Bright Feathers and Dream-Catchers." Abby's smile widened.

"I do have footage of that." she said, grinning madly.

The girls exploded in a storm of begging and pleading to see it.

"I'll give you all my dessert for the next week!"

"Please? Please? Please?"

"I'll give you the rest of my chicken!"

"Please please please!"

"I'll give you a new T.V!"

"PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!"

"CALM DOWN!" Abby yelled. "Of course I'll let you see it! And Fanty, the T.V is appreciated but I don't need it. A new laptop would be nice though." she reached over for the brown bag that Star had abandoned. "And I'll take that chicken now, thank you!"

"Hey, hands off my chicken! It's enough that I have to deal with Drago!"

"Hey!" Dragon said indignantly. "You tried to steal _my _pizza, remember? Not the other way around!"

"True." Star conceded. "Now let's see Pitch Black either scream or laugh his ass off!"

Abby nodded. "Your wish," She said, pointing to the three girls. They smiled and said the next line all together. "My command." Then they laughed again.

Abby pulled up her computer chair, which had fallen over when the others had crashed through to get to the screen. The others stood and pulled up stools and a small bench, sitting gently down and almost biting their nails with anticipation.

"Here we go," Abby said, clicking on a bit of footage copied from her video-files of Pitch. Little-known fact: Abby was an accomplished hacker. She'd spliced into Bunny's audio-cables easily and re-routed them to her own tower, then reversed the cables to make them one-way audio and visual. She could see him, but he couldn't see her. It was like a one-way video-conference.

The footage was about to roll, but Fanty shouted, "Hold it!" Abby had her finger on the button and she jerked when her friend yelled.

"What?" She demanded, her finger still on the button.

"I gotta grab something!" And Fanty took off through the door. The others groaned.

"She'd probably left her tinfoil hat in the microwave again," Star muttered.

About three minutes later, Fanty came back. After switching off the lights and sitting down, the girls saw that she was carrying six bulging bags of real popcorn.

"Fanty, you are an angel! How could I have forgotten popcorn!"

"Butter and salt for you Abby," Fanty replied. "Butter and Johnny's for Star,"

"Yippie!"

"Plain for Drago,"

"You're a psycho." Abby decided.

"And kettle-corn for me!"

When everyone had their respective bags and the other two had been set aside for later, Abby shoved a handful of buttery kernels into her mouth and said as she chewed, "Welcome to Abby-normal theaters. Please make sure you have your phones securely off and your mouths completely duct-taped. Any noise at all with result in immediate evisceration and ejection from the theater. Now sit back and enjoy our feature film, THE BOOGEYMAN TRIES TO UNDERSTAND FANFICTION. BUM BUM BUM!"

"PUSH THE BUTTON!" The others yelled back.

"PUSHING THE BUTTON."

The dark screen grew slightly brighter and they could make out the faint shape of a figure with spiky hair, sitting with his back to them.

"The picture-quality is shit," Drago commented.

"I know. Wait."

The camera zoomed in on the figure until the back of his head filled the screen.

"His hair looks like bird-feathers."

"That's what I thought!"

Suddenly the angle switched and they were looking over Pitch's shoulder. He was staring down at a list of stories.

"Let's see. . ." he said, trailing his mouse over the screen, scrolling down the list. "Kill the lights. . . No. Listen to your Heart?" he shuddered. "Not if my life depended on it!"

"Oooooh, _burn_!" The other three said.

"Oh shaddup."

"A Home for Fear. . . maybe. Bright Feathers and-" he stopped. "What the heck is this?"

The girls giggled.

Pitch carefully clicked on the title, read through the first few paragraphs aloud, then when he read how own name he let out a shrill "WHAT?!"

The girls erupted into fits of giggles and Abby had the good sense to pause the clip.

"His voice was so high!" Fanty squeaked in between her laughs. "And squeaky!"

"Don't you mean it was high-_pitched?_" Star joked.

Everyone laughed at that.

"Nice, Star." Abby said, lightly punching her friend on the arm.

"OW!"

"Wuss."

"Meany." she retorted.

"Sissy."

"Jerk."

"Wuss."

"Prink."

"Pussy."  
This back-and-forth banter went on for at least ten minutes before Fanty and Drago got fed up and wanted to finish the clip.

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP SO WE CAN WATCH THIS?!" they shouted in sync. The volume of their yell made both girls jump and Abby nearly dropped her popcorn.

"Guys! Was that strictly necessary?" Star demanded.

"Yes." Fanty and Drago said in corresponding flat tones.

Abby and Star shared a look, then they both shrugged. "Point taken." they conceded.

Fanty and Drago smirked.

"Alright, alright, wipe those smug smiles off your faces so Abby can press play." Star ordered. Fanty and Drago gave corresponding smart salutes.

"Smart-asses." Abby muttered as she reached for the mouse.

"I'd say we are both very smart," Fanty said, giving Drago a wicked grin.

"But it-"

"But it has nothing to do with our asses." the other three quoted together, then they laughed,

"I swear-" Drago said through her, but Abby interrupted her.

"Every damn day." she said, smiling.

"NOW who's the smart-ass?" Drago demanded.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words may never hurt me." Abby said in a sing-song voice.

*_Click*_

_"WHAT?!" _Pitch was staring, aghast at the screen. He stood up and started pacing in front of the computer. "This is stupid! This is frankly stupid!" he muttered to himself, glancing from the computer screen to- for some mad reason, up at the ceiling.

"Is he looking for the cameras?" Drago asked.

"Shhhhhh!"

"OK, OK, but I was just-"

"SHHHHHHH!"

Suddenly Pitch sat down started typing and muttering random things. "I can't!" "If this is a-" "WHEN I-!"

Star tapped the others on the shoulders and made a twirling motion with her finger.

Abby put her hand over her mouth to mute her chuckling.

Pitch was still typing furiously, but they couldn't see what.

"Do we get to see what he's typing?" Fanty asked.

As if the clip was voice-responsive, the camera-angle swiveled smoothly and the four girls saw the distinct blue-and-white of .

"He's on Fanf-"

"Shush!"

Pitch was still typing furiously, but now at least they could at least see what he was typing.

"Dear Sparkling Gem," Abby read aloud. "This is the most disgusting and vile story that I have ever had the displeasure to cast my golden-" here he deleted the word _golden _and went on. "Eyes upon_."_

Abby paused. "'Cast my golden eyes upon.' Really Pitch, you aren't Shakespeare."

Heedless of her words, Pitch wrote on and on about how disgusting the idea of Tooth, his mortal enemy, and him in a relationship was and how disturbing it would be to anyone with an ounce of sense. After another thirteen lines of text about how nasty it was and how he would rather _die_ than be with Tooth, Pitch sent the review- for review it was, and then he leaned back against his couch, with his gray arms folded across his chest and a sour look on his face. The girls smiled. He looked like a brooding teenager.

"Do you think he'll read the rest?" Star wondered.

Abby scoffed. "I doubt it," she said. "Do you remember his reactions when he read Listen to Your Heart?" she asked. A smile began to creep across her face.

Fanty began to laugh. "Oh yes, I remember." she said. She made her eyes bug out as wide as saucers and she rocked back and forth, in an imitation of Pitch. The other girls laughed. It _was _a good imitation after all.

"Don't forget how he clasped his hands against his knees and breathed in and out, like he was hyperventilating."

"Huh! Hee! Huh! Hee!" Fanty said, heaving her chest in and out and breathing with immense exaggeration.

"Yep. Exactly like that." Abby laughed.

Pitch was still sitting on his couch with his arms crossed, looking everywhere but at the screen. His eyes flicked upward and he focused on a protruding rock six feet above his head, then they flicked sideways to the left and stared at the black cave entrance. The look on his face was a mix of exasperation, amusement, smugness, confusion, apprehension and, in the deep recesses of his eclipse eyes, a small spark of excitement glowed. If Abby had been the only one in the room, she would've moaned.

_Oh, Pitch!_ she thought, gazing at the video clip. His eyes, his hair. . . Ugh! Slowly a mental image of the perfect Pitch began to form in her head as she stared at the real Pitch on the screen.

_So much potential. . ._ she thought, sighing. If he wasn't so old. . . and if he wasn't immortal. . . and if he didn't have that creepy grey skin, huge nose and if he really did have the voice of Jude Law- not to mention a lack of the incredibly un-attractive man-dress("Robe!"), then he would be. . . Ugh!

Ugh was the only syllable Abby had on-hand to describe the image of her head of that _her _version of Pitch would be.

_Not suitable for small children, _she thought with a small laugh.

And if her friends could see the image in her head, they would undoubtedly be drooling into their popcorn. Fanty might fake-gag a little bit, then she would smile and take a quick picture to enlarge and stick over the Jack Sparrow poster on her ceiling later.

"OK," the aforementioned Fanty said, snapping Abby out of her day-dreams. A good thing to. There was a string of drool hanging out of her mouth and dripping precariously towards her popcorn. She wiped it away and unconsciously blushed. "Both you and Pitch have weird looks on your faces." Abby turned away, smiling. "I would deduce that Pitch's' is because he's trying to decide whether to read the rest or not to read the rest. Yours. . ." she paused, then caught Abby's eyes and she smirked. "Six-pack on the beach?"

Abby shook her head. "No. My room, T and jeans, watching Army of Darkness."

Fanty laughed. "Keep dreaming, Abby. The day the Boogeyman wears a T-shirt and jeans is the day Jack Frost starts acting mature."

"Oh sure, like you haven't dreamed about the exact same thing every night since you watched RotG?"

Fanty smirked. "It was The Mummy, not Army of Darkness. And I like the man-dress."

"Robe," Abby corrected. "And you're nuts! The robe is ugly and in no way scary." she sighed. "Oh, how I'd _love _to see him in jeans."

"Abby," Fanty said seriously, turning her friend's shoulder so that she was facing her. "he's over ten thousand years old! Plus, he's the freaking Boogeyman! Sack-man, _El Bolo, Babau, __Butzemann, Dongola Miso, Jumbi_! There is no way you're going to get the Boogeyman voluntarily into jeans and a T-shirt."

Abby smirked. "Reading up on our old friend, I see." She said, smirking.

Fanty blushed. "Yeah." she muttered. "It's interesting!"

"Yeah. . ." Abby said. "Are any of these versions as good-looking as our Boogeyman?"

Fanty laughed. "_Good-looking?_ Hardly. One doesn't even have a head! And the Sack-men. . ." She shivered. "Brrr. Creepy!"

"They don't sound too tough." Abby said pompously. "If Scatach can take 'em, I sure as heck can!"

"That was in the Flamel books, Abby." Fanty reminded her. "The Sack-men are infinitely worse in real life."

"Oh, and I suppose you've met one?" Abby asked, arching her eyebrow in an imitation of her favorite Avatar picture, the Eyebrows Of Doom.

"No, and I don't want to! They make Pitch, Oogie Boogie, the thing from Jeepers Creepers, the Headless Horseman and all the other freaky guys from movies you're gotten me to watch seem like kids in dress-up. Do you even know what they carry in their sacks?"

Abby shook her head. "No, and I don't want to no. I'd rather focus on my evil plan of trying to get Pitch to wear a pair of jeans."

Fanty laughed. "Pitch will never voluntarily go for it."

Abby smiled evilly. The sight sent chills up and down Fanty's spine. "Who said it had to be voluntary?"

Fanty smiled and shook her head. "Pitch has no idea what he's gotten himself into by partnering up with you."

Abby smirked in response. The smirk clearly said, _No, he certainly does not. _

Beside them, Star and Drago were trying hard not to throttle their best friends. Granted, all Pitch was doing was surveying the screen and that was boring as heck. . . but still, it was kind of annoying that Abby made a big deal about not talking and here she and Fanty were, jabbering like squirrels! Talk about hypocrisy. But they knew that telling Fanty to shut up would do no good and telling Abby to shut up would probably make her talk about even more annoying things and even louder, if it was possible.

_If they keep panting over Pitch, I'm gonna take this bag of popcorn and stick it onto their heads! _Drago thought savagely. Star's thoughts were a little less-printable.

_Bleeping fangirls and their bleeping going ga-ga over the bleeping Boogeyman! _she thought._ I can only take this for so long!_

On-screen, Pitch was still regarding the computer, emotions- mixed and apparent, flitted across his face. His mouse-hand strayed to the black mouse and he traced a rectangle around the title of the story with his cursor. Abby smiled. She did the exact same thing when she was wondering if she should read a story or not.

"Come on! Come on!" she whispered, shaking her fists up and down, like a fan at a football game that was rooting for her favorite team.

The other three girls simultaneously had a flash of Abby, sitting in a baseball stadium with a black baseball cap that had fake spiky black hair sticking out of the back, a giant black foam number one finger and a T-shirt that said, I'M WITH BLACK! She was screaming excitedly as a really tall guy in a black uniform stepped up to bat. Inexplicably, the three girls laughed.

"Shush!" Abby said, waving frantic hands at the three girls.

They rolled their eyes as one, shared a knowing look, and then looked back at the screen. They knew Abby got waaaaaaaaay to hyper around Pitch. Think hummingbird after gorging on Willy Wonka's candy factory, times one million.

They saw Pitch let a small smile crease his lips and, as Abby ignored her own advice and kept on whispering, "Come on! Come on!" he obeyed and pressed the title of the story. Then he scrolled down, reached the point where he'd left off, and began to read.

The four girls simultaneously cheered.

"He did it!" Fanty said happily.

"Go Pitch!" was Abby's reaction and the other girls had another vision of Abby at the ball game, saying the exact same thing as Pitch hit a home-run.

"Let's see how far he gets before he stops and fake-gags," Drago said, laughing.

Abby and Star nodded.

Pitch only got half-way down the chapter before he stopped. But, surprisingly, he didn't fake-gag of even looking like he wanted to throw up!

He was smiling!

"Okaaaaaaaay," Fanty said, slowly turning her head away from the screen. "That is a bit more creepy than if he'd screamed."

Abby nodded. "Yeah. I'm really glad I can't read his thoughts right now." The look on his face was a biiiiit too creepy.

Pitch continued smiling, until he got half-way down the third chapter. Then he frowned. "What the heck kind of name is hiccup?" He asked himself.

Abby laughed. "I forgot this was a Rise of the Tangled Dragons fic."

"Um, _yeah!_" Fanty said in a really annoying and patronizing voice. Abby knew she was just teasing though.

"Beats me what the hell Rapunzel and How to Train your Dragons has to do with RotG," Star said.

"Hey, I have no freaking clue why that grouping is so damn popular on the web either." Drago said, making a face. "RotG and Brave, I can understand. Brave was freaking awesome! But HTTYD? Seriously? Tangled was even worse."

"Yeah." Abby agreed. Then all the girls smiled and stuck out their tongues at the poster of Tangled on Abby's wall with lots of pencils, paper-clips, pens and other sharp objects stuck in it. There were even a few darts which Fanty had stolen from her brother's dart game set. "BLECH!"  
Then they laughed. They laughed and laughed. Fanty giggled like a six-year old, Abby let out great booming guffaws, Star snorted and chuckled and Drago let out a steady stream of 'he he' s.

"OK," Fanty said after they'd laughed themselves out YET AGAIN! "What are we going to do now?"

Abby smiled. "Well, how about. . . I INTRODUCE YOU GUYS TO THE BOOGEYMAN?!"

"YAY!" the girls cheered and Star fist-pumped.

"OK, there are several rules that you guys must follow to converse with the Boogeyman." Abby said, pulling up the live footage of Pitch in his cave. "One: THERE WILL BE NO SERIOUSNESS, OF ANY KIND!"

"YESSIR!"

"Two: feel free to ask any and all questions of him. Personal and private questions are encouraged."

"YESSIR!"

"Three: Please do not mention cross-overs to him or while talking to each other because I haven't shown him cross-overs yet and I'm waiting until the Guardians reply to me."

"YESSIR!"

"Four: When you see him, do not drool and go "OM-FREAKING-G this guy is so cute." Abby smirked. "That was my first reaction."

"YESSIR!"

"Five: Remember: he can't see us, so if you need to communicate and don't want him to understand, write it down on a slip of paper."

"YESSIR!"

"OK girls, let's meet the Boogeyman."

* * *

And here we shall stop because my hands are cramping. MWUHAHAHAHAHA!

.

.

.

You guys, I'm kidding. I'd never leave you hanging like that. Well, maybe not.

Here's the rest. LOVE YA'S!

* * *

Abby clicked the live feed and a video of the Boogeyman came to life on the screen.

Pitch was in his caves- (of course. Where else would he be?) minding his own business. He was a little shaken after his talk with Abby and, even though he didn't want to admit it, her last question had cut him deep.

He wanted to win. That was the real reason behind all this shadow-playing and fear. He wanted to win, just once. Then he could slink back down into his hole and be comforted with the fact that he had won. That he'd bested the Guardians and that prat, the Man in the Moon. JUST ONCE! Pitch sighed.

"It's an interesting dream," He said to himself. Talking to himself was a strange quirk he'd picked up after spending too many nights alone with no one to talk to. He didn't really care of talking to themselves was what crazy people did, because no one was around to judge him. No one _could _judge him, actually. Unless they'd spent practically their entire life being alone and unable to reach out to anyone. Then they could judge him.

"But I have a feeling that that will never happen," Pitch said, smiling. "I don't have that good-enough luck."

Pitch sat in silence for a while, then he decided to see if Mystichawk had added any new chapters to her story. Highly doubtful. The most interesting thing they'd done was talk about what shows they liked, and Abby had promised not to publish that conversation. He believed she would keep her word.

He reached for his mouse and was just about to click the bookmark he'd made for her stories. Nothing weird, strange or unusual there. Then, as soon as his mouse cursor touched the name, four loud voices chorused out of the speakers in front of him.

"Hello!"

"Hello!"

"Hello!"

"Hello!"

It sounded like a female barbershop quartet, with each "Hello" going up a few octaves. then the four voices said as one, "Heeeeeeeeeeellooooooooooooo!" The word was stretched incredibly long and crescendoed up, higher and higher until Pitch felt like his ears might split!

Then it stopped.

Pitch stared at the computer, unable to speak. The only thought that was chorusing through his mind was_ WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?!_

"Hiya Pitch," four voices said at once.

Pitch stared.

"Uhh. . . Mystic? I think we broke him." said a voice that was certainly NOT Mystichawk.

"Mah. He's just shocked at the wondrous sound of our singing voices." said a different voice.

"Pitch? HEY PITCH, YOU STILL AMONG THE LIVING?" Now THAT was Mystichawk's voice. Sharp and clear as a piece of broken glass.

"Myst-"

"IT'S ABBY, DAMN YOU BOTH. ABBY!" Abby's voice thundered through the speakers.

Pitch clutched his ears which were still ringing after the 'Hello's.' "Abby! Abby! Yes, I'm sorry! Abby!" Pitch said, cringing. That girl had lungs like a fog-horn!

The other mystery girls whistled and cheered in the background. "Wow," said one. The same one who's made the mistake of calling Abby Mystichawk. "You got the boogeyman to say sorry to you! That's mighty impressive! Next you'll be making Bunny tap-dance or Toothiana fly through rings."

This irked Pitch. He realized that, whoever these girls were with Abby, they were laughing at him!

"Hey!" he said indignantly. "I am not a trained animal!"

"You can say that again," One of the girls said and made what sounded like a purring noise.

"Fanty!" Abby admonishes. "No purring at the Boogeyman."

The aforementioned Fanty said, "Betcha didn't think those words would be coming out of _your_ mouth any time ever." It sounded like she was smirking.

"No, I certainly did not." Abby admitted.

"Well,_ I_ certainly never thought I'd be talking to the Boogeyman!" said a different voice.

"And I never thought he'd have eyebrows." said a voice that was laced with smirk.

"OMG Star, you're RIGHT!" said Fanty. "LOOK, ABBY! He really DOES have eyebrows!"

Pitch's hand unconsciously flew to his eyebrows and he had a flash of the crazy dream he'd had with Abby and the strip of duct tape. He shuddered. "Yes, I certainly do," he said sharply. "And I will continue to have eyebrows until the end of my days."

The girls all laughed and Pitch could make out at least four distinct voices in the meelee.

"Abby," He said slowly, trying to keep his voice even. "What is going on?"

Abby shared a conspiratorial look with her friends behind the screen. "I'm sorry Pitch, I'm forgetting my manners. This is dragoscilvio,"

"Just call me drago." drago said, waving cheekily at the screen."

Pitch didn't respond.

"Starskulls,"

_"You,_ Pitch Black, can call me. . . THE MOST AWESOME WRITING-PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET!" Starskulls smiled. "Or just Star."

Pitch still didn't answer.

"And Fantesydreamer244, otherwise known as Fanty."

"HIYA PITCH!" Fanty said happily. "Do you think he minds if we call him Pitch?"

"I doubt it. There are plenty other names if he doesn't." Abby said.

"he he. Yeah, I vote Boogey-wonderman." said Fanty, folding her arms with a satisfied look on her face.

"I prefer Oogie Boogie." Star put in.

"My name is Pitch Black." Pitch grumbled. "And I would appreciate if you called me by that name, unless I have a sway in your opinion of what name you should use?"

"SHUSH CHATTY BOOGEYMAN! THE FANATIC WRITERS ARE TALKING!"

"I'll take that as a no," Pitch muttered. "And you're more than fanatic. You four are completely insane!"

"WHY THANK YOOOOOOOU!" The girls said, smiling.

"That wasn't meant as a compliment."

"Well, we're taking it that way anyway." Abby said stoutly.

"Good for you."

Awkward silence.

"Awkward silence," Fanty whispered again.

Pitch sighed. He felt like his head was going to explode. The noise! The laughing! What the heck was going on?! Who were these mysterious girls? Why were they talking with him and Abby? His mind was so muddled that he had to sit down before he could piece together what was happening to him. Dragoscilvio. No, he didn't recognize that name. Starskulls. He recognized that name, but only vaguely. Fantesydreamer244. He certainly recognized_ that_ name.

"Fanty." He whispered.

"Fanty squealed. "He said my name! He said my name!" then she started dancing around the room, giggling and clapping her hands like a child at her birthday party.

"Yes," Pitch said. His voice was low and hoarse. Abby was his wide eyes and she smiled, knowing exactly what he was thinking. _"You_ I know. You're the one who wrote that-" he paused. Abby saw him take a deep breath. Most likely to keep himself calm. "that story."

Fanty dropped into her seat and smiled. "Yep! That was me! Oh, and I heard what you said about my story. That means a lot to me." she clasped her hands together, the picture of a grateful writer.

"But you prefer Tortured." Star interjected, smiling broadly. "_I_ appreciate that immensely!"

Pitch coughed. "I'm not sure what you mean."

"Awww," Drago said. Pitch clenched his fists. "Pitch is embarrassed. Don't worry Pitch, we all know you're just a bit softy.

"Yeah. Your big confession about _liking _Fanty's story was really _sweet._" Star added, smirking.

"What- I didn't!" Pitch spluttered.

"Yes, what was it you said exactly?" Fanty asked. Abby took her cue and quickly began to type in a file-name. the file popped up and she clicked on it and Pitch heard his own voice playing through the speakers.

"_The dialog was good, and the characters were very creatively done. I like that the friend had the guts to stand up to me, and the girl Fanty chose had some kind of personality. My dialog was slightly obtuse, but it wasn't too bad."  
_

Pitch's hands clenched and his face turned a ruddy shade of pink with each sentence. Fanty noticed and she smiled.

"Pitch, it's nothing to be ashamed of." she said sincerely. "I'm really grateful for what you said."

Abby tapped her friend's shoulder and signed in ASL, _remember what I said about seriousness?_

Fanty waved and turned back to the screen. "Yeah. You basically said you liked my story in a guy kind of way. Guys are really bad at being straightforward, even if it's something as simple as admitting something out of your character perimeters."

Pitch lowered his head. But he didn't _want_ to go out of his character perimeters! He liked his character perimeter!

"Pitch, listen:" Abby interrupted sternly. "There is absolutely no shame in being truthful, even for the Boogeyman! If you admire Fanty and like her story, then admit it! We swear we won't make fun of you."

"Much." Drago muttered."

"_At all!_" Abby admonished. then she signed: _Let Fanty have her moment. We'll get plenty of other chances to make fun of him. _

Drago bobbed her head. She understood.

Pitch sighed. "Fine. I already said it anyway. Fanty-" He paused. "Is there anything else I can call you? Your name is a bit strange."

Fanty shrugged. "Meh. My name is FantesyDreamer244. You can call me that."

"Never mind." Pitch took a deep breath. "Fanty, your story is very well-written, the characters are very original and the entire plot is a very good piece of writing. I read the entire thing and I must say, your portrayal of me as a parent is slightly amusing. No," he said, correcting himself. "Not slightly amusing. _Very _amusing. I enjoyed it immensely."

Fanty beamed. "Pitch, thank you so much! That means so much to me." she said.

The others smiled.

"I'm serious!" she said, turning to her friends. "This is like having Mary Downing Hahn compliment your work, Abby, or Eion Colfer saying your work was great, Drago."

"Which it is," Drago muttered.

"My point is made!" Fanty crowed.

Pitch let a small smile crease his lips. "You are welcome, Fanty. And I do actually prefer Tortured, Star, but only because it seems a bit more. . . my taste."

Star frowned. "Really? I would've thought you would dislike the idea of physically hurting anyone."

Pitch shrugged. "For Jack Frost, I would not mind it, as he _did_ ruin my great plans. But I would never hurt a real human child."

"We believe you," Abby said.

Star raised her hands and signed: _Remember what _ **_I _**_said about seriousness?  
_

Abby gave her the finger.

"Awkward silence." Fanty whispered.

Pitch rolled his eyes. "So, what are you four doing here anyway?" he asked. "Abby, you told me that you wouldn't contact me until the Guardians contacted you. You expressed clearly about that."

"Yes, but-"

"It was our fault," Fanty said. "We begged her for a few minutes to talk to you."

"That's right." Star added. "We wanted to see you face to face."

Pitch waited one second, then two.

"Oops. Our bad," Drago said, ducking her head sheepishly.

"Don't worry, I do that with Abby all the time." Pitch said, cracking a smile.

Abby resisted the urge to make a dozen jokes about his choice of words. "Yeah. You should see the amount of times I nod or smile and forget he can't see me."

"I would say likewise, but we all know that's not true." Pitch said, smiling fully now.

They all laughed. Abby smiled. Pitch was actually acting polite and nice now. It was interesting.

"Besides, you don't know how long I've wanted to meet you!" Fanty said, smiling at the others. They winked.

Pitch raised an eyebrow. "Usually most people who know me say the opposite." he said, smiling.

"Yeah well, I'm a freak like that." Fanty said happily. "I've sent you letters, written post cards, left notes under my bed,"

"Hold it!" Pitch said, raising his hand to the screen. "You sent me letters?" This was a bit obsessive wasn't it? Letters? To _him? _

Abby smirked. Fanty had indeed been writing letters to 'Mr. Boogeyman' since she was a little girl. Of course Abby hadn't known her then but she'd seen copies of the letters to him that Fanty had made as mementos (and probably to send twice, in case she never got a response). they were absolutely adorable! Full of cute little questions like, "Where do bad dreams go when we wake up?" or, "Do you really eat toes, like in daddy's favorite song?" Or, "Is sleeping under beds more comfortable than sleeping _in _them? I tried sleeping under my bed one time, but it was too creepy and I woke up with spiderwebs and dust all over me."

"Yep. I've sent you a letter every month on the first since I turned six." Fanty admitted proudly. Then her tone turned to one of exaggerated disappointment. "And you couldn't spend a few minutes each night to respond to what I'm sure is your _only_ Fanmail?"

Pitch shrugged. "I guess I never got them." Truth be told, he would've eagerly responded to any fanmail he'd received, even fanmail from a creepy female writer who purred.

"Well that's really weird," Fanty said, sounding confused. "I sent you one just last week!"

Pitch folded his arms. I have never, ever, received a single letter of fanmail in all the years I've been immortal."

Abby choked on a piece of chip. Pitch actually seemed _upset_ about his lack of fanmail. His facial expressions mimicked that of a pouty child and his body language made him look like a brooding teenager again. She smiled. Even though he was the Boogeyman, Even though he scared little kids silly on a nightly basis, even though he was over ten thousand years old, he still pouted like a three-year-old about having no fanmail.

Fanty frowned. "Well that's just weird."

"What now?" Drago asked.

"Pitch is saying he never got my letters. . ."

"Never." Pitch interjected.

"But I'm sure they went through the mail." Fanty finished. "Where do you think they went?"

Pitch raised his hands. "Well, I assure you, In have no idea where they went."

* * *

Several Worlds Away. . .

Oogie Boogie was sitting in the middle of his Wheel of Misfortune, holding a white envelope up to the dim light to read the name scrawled on the front. 'The Boogeyman'. He smiled. "Great. More fanmail!" he said, ripping the letter open and shaking it out.

He read through it quickly, then he snorted and tossed the letter onto a large pile beside him. "Humph. Another one for that Pitch Black guy." He said, kicking the pile. He'd been getting these letters for years now, always from the same person to the same guy. And it wasn't him.

"You're jokin'!" He said, folding his haversack arms and glaring at the pile."This guy has _got _to change his address!"

* * *

Back In Our World. . .

"Huh." Abby said. "Maybe you wrote the wrong address."

Fanty shook her head. "I didn't use an address. I never did."

Everyone was silent.

"You mean. . ." Pitch said slowly, trying to process this new information. "You sent letters to _the Boogeyman_, by regular post?" Silence, then he laughed. "You really are something." He said, smiling at the screen with a smug look plastered all over his face.

Fanty blinked, momentarily stunned by the stunned by what she thought was a compliment. "Um. . . Thank you?" she said uncertainly.

"No no, that wasn't a compliment." Pitch said quickly. "I meant to say that you are really an idiot. _Something_ was just the best word I could come up with at the time."

Fanty was about to object, but Pitch cut her off. "You are undoubtedly a very smart girl, but your common sense leaves a lot to be desired." He smiled as he spoke. Two could play at this game of being annoying. Actually, he reflected, two were already playing that game. In fact, _five _people were playing that game. "You sent a letter, by regular mail, with the name boogeyman and no address on it. I'll wager you didn't even put a stamp on it."

Abby snickered.

"It wasn't just Boogeyman. It was _Mr_. Boogeyman," Fanty muttered, folding her arms and pulling the pouty face once more.

Pitch laughed. "_Mr?_" he said, raising his eyebrows.

"Hey, what do you want from me?" Fanty demanded. "For the longest time I thought you were a big sack full of bugs from Halloween town!"

"I despise that walking bag of insects." Pitch spat. "He has no right to the name Boogeyman."

"Actually his name is Oogie Boogie," Drago interjected quickly.

"Yes, but he calls himself the Boogeyman! _THE_ Boogeyman, not _a _Boogeyman!" Pitch said angrily.

Abby frowned. "Wait, you mean there are more than just you and Oogie Boogie?"

"Oogie Boogie is stuck in his freaky basement in Halloween town with those weird kids." Fanty reminded her.

"And y_ou_ are stuck in your cave," Abby added. "Is it like, a law for Boogeymen to be locked up? Does it come with the job?"

Drago laughed. "Yeah. Free cave accommodations for new and un-trained Boogeymen. Sign up today and get your first Nightmare free."

The others laughed. "Great one Drago."

Pitch sighed. This back-and-forth banter was really wearing him down. These four shot bad jokes and insults to and fro so fast that he could barely understand them! It was amusing none-the-less, but it was really tiring.

"So, getting back to my original question, Abby, queen of side-tracking," he said sarcastically.

Abby bowed, then Star made the _you-no-see-me _gesture by waving her hand up and down in front of her face and pointed to the screen. Abby gave her the British finger, which is the backwards peace sign.

"Abby just bowed," clarified Drago. "And then star made the _you-no-see-me _sigh and Abby flipped her off."

Pitch nodded. "Ah, running commentary. Interesting. I feel like I'm at a theater and someone next to me is explaining what's happening to a blind person. "

"Yeah, but Abby didn't use the American finger. she used the British finger, which is actually two fingers."

Pitch faked a yawn. "Fascinating. Now, can I get back to my original question?"

"Please do. The rest of us are massive Space-kedoodles and side-trackers as well." Star added.

Pitch nodded. "Good. Now, what else do your four want to talk about? Or is seeing me face-to-screen good enough?"

"Nope." the four girls chorused as one.

"We actually have some questions for you, Pitch." Star said.

Pitch groaned. "What _is it _with writers and questions?!" he moaned. "Abby already asked me plenty of personal questions, none of which I wanted to answer, but your friend black-mailed me."

The other three laughed. "Yeah, I can understand that." Star said. "Abby has blackmailed all of us in turn, and we her."

Pitch laughed. "Is there no honor amongst friends?" he asked.

"Not with us!" Drago laughed. "If you want to be a successful writer, you have to be prepared to play a little dirty to get what you want. The same applies to gamblers and Journalists."

"And cops!" Star added.

"What cop actually plays clean in any situation?" Fanty demanded.

"Real ones." Abby said calmly. "The knowledge you have of any sort of police officers comes from Burn Notice, Bones, and the Mentalist. You've never seen a real cop, and you have a gross exaggeration of what cops do."

Pitch laughed. "Most amusing." he said. Truth be told he had no idea what the four girls were talking about, but it was slightly amusing anyway. "So, questions." he said, prompting the girls. They were indeed easily side-tracked.

"Ah! Yes, questions." Abby said. All four of us have a few questions, but I can wait for a bit. I think Star has the most questions for you, isn't that right?"

"Meh. Me and Star are probably tied." Fanty said.

"I don't have that many questions." Drago admitted.

Pitch nodded. "Alright. Star, you go first."

Star smiled, then rubbed her hands. She had a list written down somewhere, but she knew it by heart anyway. there were five questions she really wanted to ask, but only three that she was mildly curious about."

"He's more willing to talk with you than he was with me," Abby muttered.

"Yes," Pitch said, smiling. "but you blackmailed me. It doesn't signify trust, Abby."

Abby snorted. "_Trust?_ Be honest Pitch, you don't trust any of us, correct?"

Pitch sighed. "Abby, it's kind of had to trust someone who writes about you. If you were in my shoes, would you trust you?"

"You don't wear shoes," Abby said. "You wear weird sock/legging/things that don't have laces or ends. And your feet are flat."

"Hey!" Pitch said indignantly. "That's just rude."

Abby smiled. "OK, OK, that was kinda mean. By the way, just out of curiosity, what _do _you wear on your feet?"

Pitch looked down at his feet. He shrugged. "Beats me. I've always worn these. In fact, I've always worn the same thing. This robe."

"Do you have more than one?" Star asked. "Because, if you ask me, wearing the same thing for ten thousand years might make it smell a bit rank."

Pitch shrugged again. "No. Just this. And it's never actually changed in any way. Not with scent, not with wear. Always the same."

"Boy, that's bland." Star said, shuddering. "I can't imagine wearing the same tutu for ten thousand years. Well," She reflected. "Not unless I really was the Cupcake Guardian."

Pitch raised both eyebrows. "Tutu? Cupcake Guardian?" He repeated, frowning.

Fanty laughed. "Yeah. Star has an alarming collection of colored tutus and, in one of her stories, she has a character referred to as the Cupcake Guardian. That, and every time she leaves a review she offers us virtual cupcakes in return for a faster update."

"Yup. My favorite is a purple cupcake with melted Jellybeans and gushers and crunched up cookie crisps! And blue buttermilk icing with pieces of chocolate ships!"

Pitch made an absolutely disgusted face. "That is the most _revolting_ food I have ever heard of!" He said, wrinkling his nose. "Please tell me she didn't actually make one for you?"

"Nah. It's _virtual, _Pitch. Fake! It's just a continuous joke that Star finds funny. As a matter of fact, I rather do too." Abby admitted. "I would never eat anything like that. Waaaaaay too full of high-fructose corn syrup."

Pitch nodded his head. "Wise choices." he said.

"Yeesh Pitch, _now_ who's the king of side-tracking?" Star demanded. "I still have some questions here!"

Pitch allowed himself to smile. "Yes yes, my apologies. Go on."

Star cleared her throat. "Well, first off, have you really been alive ten thousand years?"

"Yes." Pitch replied. "Ten thousand, and six years old."

"Cool!"

"Yes, I've seen hundreds of civilizations come and go." He sad dismissively.

"Have you met anyone famous?" Star asked.

"I have scared several people recognized by history." Pitch said. "The two nephews of Richard the third, Caesar, Marco Polo, Adolf Hitler, William Shakespeare, Mary Wollstonecraft Godwin, otherwise known as Mary Shelly, Tim Burton,"

All four girl's eyebrows shot up. "Tim Burton?" Abby asked.

"Yes. I gave him the inspiration for A Nightmare Before Christmas."

"Mary Shelly?" Drago asked.

"Yes. I sent her a horrible nightmare about a giant decomposing figure that turned out to be her inspiration for The Modern Prometheus."

The girls nodded. "We know it as Frankenstein." Star said.

"Yeah. That's actually a good book." Drago said.

"I've read it. It _is_ a fantastic book." Pitch admitted. "Anything else?"

"Well, that's all for me." Star said. "Fanty?"

"Yay! It's me time!" Fanty said, smiling and clapping her hands. "Well, Pitch, I do have a few questions. Firstly, can I get some definite feedback on my story?"

Pitch smiled. "Didn't I just give you an idea of how I view your story?" he reminded her.

"Well, yes, but that was just blether. What I want are real descriptions. Any ideas? Comments? Things you didn't like?"

Pitch shrugged. "Well, it went by a bit fast." he said hesitantly. "Granted it was thirty chapters, and since it's a story meant to be read by children, I must forgive the length. Still, the details were fine and the jokes were average. Some were funnier than most." he smiled. "I enjoyed the 18th chapter immensely."

Fanty cast her mind back to when she'd written the eighteenth chapter. "That was the one. . ."

"The one with the lake." Pitch said automatically. "It was funny."

Fanty rolled her eyes up and mouthed, _"Men." _

"The story was very amusing. Very full of. . ." he paused, then smiled. "Lovie-dovies,"

"OH! OH! That's fifteen thousand bucks to me!" Abby crowed.

The others blinked. "Huh?" Drago asked.

"Abby has this bizarre idea that, since she 'coined' the the phrase _lovie-dovies, _everyone should pay her fifteen thousand dollars every time someone uses it. I believe this is an absurd claim, since the word hasn't been recognized by any modern dictionary." Pitch clarified.

_"Yet,"_ Abby grumbled. "Just because it's been coined, doesn't mean it has to be in the dictionary."

"It does so." Pitch retorted.

"It does not,"

"Yes, it does."

"No, it doesn't!"

"Yeesh! You two are like children!" Star and Fanty said, laughing.

"I know." Abby grumbled. "He's acting like my dad."

"You already said that," Pitch pointed out. "And I still don't know whither to take that as a compliment or an insult."

"Trust me, if you knew my dad then you would know it is a clear insult."

Pitch smiled. Well, he might as well let that one be. Abby seemed a little tense about the subject. "Very well." Pitch said, smiling. "It will probably be one of a hundred insults I'm likely to receive in the days to come."

"That's true enough." Star said. "Knowing Abby, she'll insult you twice around the world and then call you an idiot."

"Very aptly put." Pitch said, bringing his hands together once.

"Yes, and most likely true." Drago said. "When we first met her, Abby had a ferocious temper."

Pitch laughed. "I can imagine."

There was another awkward silence.

"So. . ." Pitch said hesitantly. "Do you have any other questions?"

The others all shrugged, then they began to laugh loudly.

Pitch listened to their laughter for a few minutes, then he coughed politely. "Mind cluing me into your amusement?"

Abby stopped laughing. "We all shrugged at the same time." She explained.

"Ah." Pitch said. "So, _do _you have any more questions?" he asked.

Again, the four girls shrugged.

"Nil." Fanty said.

"_Nada_." Drago said.

"Zilch." Abby said.

"Zip." Star said.

Pitch raised his eyebrows. "Are you four related in some way?"

The four girls laughed. "Unfortunately no." Abby said. "Just alike enough."

Pitch nodded thoughtfully. "Your voices don't sound alike, true, but your mannerisms are the same."

The four girls shared knowing looks. "Meh. Maybe it's a writer thing." Star said.

Pitch shrugged. "Well, it's been interesting ladies." he said, bowing his head. " Abby, you will tell me when the Guardians reply?"

"I will."

"Alrighty then! Have a nice day Pitchy!" Star said.

Pitch winced. "Goodbye Star." then he smiled. "Do call again soon." then he reconsidered his words. "Or rather, don't."

Fanty laughed.

"Bye Boogey-wonderman." Fanty said, smiling.

"Please don't call me that."

"See ya Pitch." Drago said.

"Have a good night, Drago." He said, nodding at the screen.

Abby shared a quick look with her three fiends and they all sang as one, "SO LONG! FAREWELL! AUF WIEDERSEHEN! ADUE!"

"Your singing is horrible."

Fanty, Abby, Star and Drago laughed.

Pitch smiled. He was actually beginning to like these writers.

* * *

**Notes:**

***:****In full-mouthese, a language I discovered all on my own, it means "chicken is good for me."**

****: ****My favorite Mexican place to eat. It's pronounced Es-try-EE-ta**

*****: Pan is a Mexican bread that's filled with apples and other fruits. IT'S FREAKING DELICIOUS!) **


	9. Brotherly Love, Insomnia & Black Boxers

**Hey guys, I'm so sorry for not being on for a while. I fault it entirely to my lack of electricity. Thankfully, now that horrible experience is behind me and now I won't have to go up in my freaking freezing bus to swipe wifi of ride three busses to get to the nearest library! Thank goodness!**

**My web access is back and so am I!**

**Ok, here's the replies to the amazing reviews for the last chapter:**

**To RizReviewer: You'd be surprised what ghosts can do. And what do you mean by 'drat?' Eh. Whatever. Thank you for the compliments and your constant reviewing. And no, there isn't a picture of Pitch moon-walking. But there is a video on tumblr of him doing the cha-cha slide. It's freaking hilarious!**

**To esdertytg: Thanks. Although I'm not sure what 'portal' is, I'm open to suggestions. Paradox Police? Okaaaaaaay.**

**To Dragoscilvio: Awesome? That's all you care to say? AWESOME?! IT IS AWESOME! He he. I'm kidding. Thanks Drago.**

**To DayDreamer425: Why thank you! All these compliments are making me feel warm and fuzzy.**

**To candle dark: Thanks. I really love MDH and I have every single one she'd written!**

**To Starskulls: Yeah. I had a feeling you would like that line. I didn't mean to make you sound vain. I just got tired of saying that _I_ was the MOST AWESOME WRITING-PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET, even if I am. Yeah. The bickering was just so fun to write! I will do something like this again for the Guardians, and yes, I will have you in it. Yum! Cupcakes!**

**To Fanty: YEAH IT'S ABBY, darn you! Yeah, the purring was also my favorite part. It just sounded so right! Are you sure you weren't telepathically controlling me and telling me what to write?**

**To Rose Silverpen: No, I don't take pills. It's just natural hilarity. (Unless Fanty really WAS mentally controlling me!) Sh! Sucre blu! I'm bad at spelling!**

**To HiddenHero220: Calm down! Gosh, I've gotten so many volunteers for helping out with this story. I will let you help, but in a few more chapters. I swear. I just want to get back to the stories for a while. Thank you for your awesome reviews.**

**To Darkblade 2.0: I have no idea who Jim Butcher is, but thanks. I guess. YOU DARE GIVE ME MONOPOLY MONEY?! HOW DARE YOU! I kidding. I'll take monopoly money. It's better than nothing. YAY! I love Grey's Anatomy! Anyway, thank you for the awesome review. Thank you very much.**

**To Mayhaah: Um. . . OK. I can add that to the list of weird reviews I've gotten on this story. Thanks.**

**To MSWolffe: MS, you are the freaking greatest! Actually I prefer Mystic, or just Abby. I have no idea what Dragon Age II is. . . BUT COOL! Honestly, I thought I did force you to read it a while ago. Must've slipped my mind. Thank you so very much! I tried to do the characters justice. I must say, it's refreshing to read a nice, long review for a change. Thank you. And yeah, I know I added a bunch of my friends that hardly anyone knows, but I thought it would be cool. If you dont know them, message them sometime! They're really awesome girls and freaking fantastic writers! Again, thank you. Your compliments make me feel like a Carebear. WARM AND FUZZY!**

**To Invisi: Thanks for the compliments. The suggestions are good- and I can say this because I read all three and _wrote _one of them**, **but I've decided on stories without that much angst- only because this should be a humorous story, not a cry-my-freaking-eyes-out-while-writing-it story. Thanks for the ideas though.**

**For that matter, thank you to _all_ the people who suggested more stories. I may use them or I may not. It's all down to the authors.**

**The people I have to thank in this chapter are the usual three plus an extra few. Fanty, Drago and Star all deserve ever-lasting love and donuts for their contributions to Fanfiction. Incidentally, Fanty just published a new story. The sequel to the story featured in this one, Listen to Your Heart. The new story is called Listen to Your Mind. If you haven't read it, go read the first one and then the sequel. Please! It means a lot to Fanty.**

**Ok, first of all: I know you guys have been panting like dogs with excitement about this next chapter but I'm gonna warn you right now: This chapter is mostly filler. I had a little muse-brainfreeze and I kind of got off-key here. It's not that funny, but it's the foundation for the next chapter which I will post ASAP. I promise.  
**

**Now, without giving too much away I'm going to tell you about my new writers for this story. Their names are Inumaru12, miraeyeteeth, AnimatedCyclone244 and ElizabethHoWey. They are great writers and their amazing stories caught my eye. The next few chapters will show the Guardian's counterattack on Pitch. For this chapter, we only mention Mira. Enjoy!  
**

**All right, all right, I think I've been a windbag too long-**

***Me starts hearing the 'You talk too much! You talk too much! You never shut up, you talk to much!' song from old felix the cat movie.*  
Me: PITCH!  
Pitch: Oh come _on! _You were just _begging _for me to do that, weren't you?  
*Me raises pink spray-pain canister*: Do you want me to use this?  
*Pitch sighs*: No. Continue.  
Me: Ah ah, what's the magic phrase?  
*Pitch grumbles*  
Me: I don't heeear yoooooou!  
Pitch: Mystichawk, ruler of Fanfiction and supreme pain in my neck-  
*Me coughs*: This thing is still loaded  
Pitch: -and supreme purple-haired goddess of humor,  
Me: Better.  
Pitch: is the greatest and most idiotic-  
*Me primes paint canister*  
Pitch: -ingenious, writer to ever grace the planet with her words.  
Me: Aaaaaand?  
Pitch: And everyone else, including a certain someone named _Booger_ isn't worthy to hear even a fragment of her magical stories.  
*Me claps hands*. There, was that so hard?  
Pitch: One of these days, your head is going to get so big it's going to pop like an over-blown balloon.  
*Me smiles*: Yes, but until then I am free to heckle you at will.  
Pitch: I can tell this will be an exciting chapter.  
*Me smiles patented I-hold-the-thread-of-your-life-in-my-hands, so-don't-piss-me-off smile*: Wait and see, Boogerman.  
Pitch: Don't call me that.  
Me: Oh I'm _so sorry,_ your _boogerness,_ lord of the _boogers,_ the most highest ruler of _Boogerdom!_  
*Pitch sighs*: I'm going to have nightmares about what's going to happen for centuries to come, aren't I?  
Me: Again, wait and see.**

Abby knew that she should be asleep. She knew that, if Fanty knew she was still awake at five O'clock in the morning, she would tan her hide. Well, she wouldn't _really_ tan her hide. But she _would _take her cords and library cards for a week. Abby shuddered. She would rather have all her hair chopped off and used as rope than lose her library cards and computer cords. That was one of her own personal nightmares. Not being able to write ever again. Brr.

Still, Abby couldn't sleep.

Thoughts swirled in and out of her mind. Abby sat up in her bed, turned on her lamp light and crossed her legs beneath her blankets. Five O'clock. The perfect time to think, according to her mother. Boy did she have a lot to think about. Pitch, for one thing.

"Pitch." Abby muttered, glancing at the computer. "Everything is going as planned." And everything was. "Pitch is growing more in-touch with his human core, the readers of Fanfiction are getting a good laugh, and I'm getting plenty of writing practice."

She paused. Like Pitch, she'd developed a habit of talking to herself at night. It was a weird quirk, but she was sure it was present in every writer's mind. Still, it seemed to be present in her mind more so than in most cases. Maybe that meant she was extra-weird.

Well, as her mom said, "Weirdness is a sign of genius! If someone's looking at you like they want to stuff you in a straight-jacket, then that means they're afraid of how awesome you are!"

"Sigh. You were so right, mom." Abby said, uncrossing her legs, throwing back the blankets and headed across to her computer. Keeping the light off so that her friends could not tell she was awake, she felt around for the **on** button for her computer tower and screen. She bumped her hand against something and she swore.

"Ow! Stupid, blasted chair!"

Finally she found the indent and pressed the **on** button. The tower whirred and hummed and Abby glanced over her shoulder, making sure that Fanty or one of her other friends didn't hear her. Drago wouldn't mind, but Star would give her a good talking-to if she found her out. Abby didn't care. She wasn't tired and she had plenty of energy to type.

She typed in her password, logged in and scrolled down her Fanfiction update-list. Five new stories. Good.

She spent about an hour reading through those stories. Then, just as she was about to log off, a signal popped up. The e-mail signal. Someone was e-mailing her.

"Oh goodie! This means the Guardians have replied!"

Abby swiftly clicked on the E-mail and read through it. Excellent. The Guardians had accepted, as she knew they would. She opened a file on her documents and pasted it onto her e-mail program, then sent it to the Guardians. She smiled.

"Let's see what they make of _these_ stories."

XXXXXXXXX

Half an hour later, in North's workshop.

Bunny had been hovering around the computer for several looooong hours, checking and re-checking for a new message to North from Mystichawk.

"Bunny," Jack said, sighing. "Give it up. She'll send us a reply when she sends us a reply."

Jack was perched on the mantlepiece, amusing himself by freezing different parts of the elves than ran past him. He'd been sitting there for over five hours, waiting for something interesting to happen. North had gone back to his workshop, very flustered after reading the last story Pitch had sent them. Tooth had flown away, a feather's storm of fury, and Sandy had flown back to the dreamsand castle he called home. From what Jack could tell, the tiny man hadn't seemed that ruffled by the stories. Actually, Jack thought he might've seen the little man laughing as he'd flown out the large window and jumped from his dreamsand cloud into his dreamsand plane.

Jack sighed. He personally didn't know what to make of the stories. They were a bit distasteful, but well-written all the same. He knew he was only thinking they were distasteful because they showed Tooth and Pitch together, but still. . .

And then there was the matter of him and Bunny. Ghost Stories and Other Tales had shown them kind of as a brother-brother thing. And he was cool with that, actually. Bunny was more of a grumpy grandfather than a brother, but he still looked out for him like a brother would.

"Bunny?" Jack asked hesitantly. "Do you really-"

"Hold on Frost, I know what you're gonna say," Bunny interrupted him "And no, I do _not_ forget stuff when my ears are pulled, I'm _not_ afraid of the color orange, and I really _do_ hate the groundhog with a fiery passion. Satisfied?"

Jack laughed. "Jeez Bunny, uptight much? And I wasn't going to ask about any of those things."

"Oh, really?" Bunny said, then he shook himself and said, "Ahem. Good. It's none of yer business anyway."

Jack smiled. "No, I was actually going to ask you if you wanted a younger brother, but never mind. You're obviously not in the mood to be annoyed by me with lots of questions today."

_"What?" _Bunny leaped out of his chair and twisted, preforming a mid-air 90 degree twist and he landed on his feet, staring at Jack.

Jack smirked and turned away, examining his staff and swinging his leg back and forth. "Nothing. Just me thinking about Ghost Stories. Continue your feverish searching for Mystichawk's reply."

Bunny stomped over to the boy and grabbed him by the ankle. "Jack, what did you just say?" he asked, staring suspiciously up at the younger Guardian.

Jack smirked again and jumped up, forcing Bunny to let go of his leg. He stared down at the Rabbit, knowing he had the Guardian's full attention.

"I was wondering if you really think of me as a brother, or if that's just something the writers cooked up." Jack said calmly.

Bunny blinked. "A. . . brother?" he said slowly. "Well, I. . .ah. . ."

"It's just been going around my head for a while. I was just curious." Jack added.

Bunny sighed. "Jack. . " he said, backing off and sinking into the swivel-chair. Jack slid gracefully off the mantelpiece and walked over to him, leaning on his staff and regarding the elder spirit patiently.

"Yer the youngest of us," Bunny said eventually. "And to add insult to injury, yer an immortal teen. Always gettin' into trouble, always shirking responsibility."

Jack smiled. "You make that sound like a bad thing."

Bunny raised his head. "Jack, I'm serious."

Jack blinked. Okay, this wasn't what he'd wanted. This wasn't what he'd wanted at all! He'd wanted an excuse to rile Bunny up and even to make him blush a bit. Just something to pass the time. Now, here Bunny was acting _serious. _He shuddered. Seriousness was death to a Guardian of Fun.

"Bunny, listen," he said quickly. "It was all a joke. I know you don't think of me as a brother. You think of me as an annoying nuisance that always plays tricks! I get it! I just wanted to do something to pass the-"

"Jack," Bunny said loudly to make himself heard over the boy's babblings. "Listen, I actually do view ya as a brother. Yes, an annoying nuisance of a brother, but a brother none the less."

"-I always freeze your toes and-" Jack stopped babbling and stared at the older Guardian."What?" he asked. His brain was a bit slow and he hadn't really understood what the Bunny meant."

Bunny sighed. "I said I do view you as a brother, Jackie. And North views you as a son and Tooth the same. Sandy. . ." he paused. "I guess Sandy can call you his nephew twice removed."

"Yeah, I never understood all the 'removed' stuff. Like, if you were 'removed', does that mean you were kicked out of the family twice? Disowned, maybe?" Jack said, scrunching up his eyebrows in thought.

"It's just some stupid human thing," Bunny said. "But my point it, we all love ya and want ya safe. Got it Frostbite?" he put his large paw of the boy's shoulder and looked straight in those blue eyes.

Jack smiled. "Got it, Kangaroo." he said.

Bunny smiled and let his hand slip, then Jack threw his arms around the rabbit and hugged him tightly. "You're not a bad big brother either, Bunny."

Bunny's chest swelled with pride. He had a brother!

Jack smiled and held on tightly to the Guardian's furry back. He didn't even try to freeze him. He couldn't. Bunny had accepted him, for real this time.

Then North burst in through the huge oak doors and ruined the whole moment.

"Look!" The big Russian man said, holding up an ice sculpture of a small robotic toy. "New robot!" Then he saw Jack and Bunny hugging and he frowned. "Vy is it vhenever I leave, I alvays get right behind?"

Jack broke away from Bunny and they both laughed.

"North, the phrase is _'left behind'_, not _right behind._" Jack said, smirking.

"And ya didn't get _left _behind this time, North. Jack just had an emotional moment and I here comforted him." Bunny said coolly.

"You did not!"

"Zip it, Bro." Bunny said, nudging the boy with his shoulder.

North frowned. "Bro?" he repeated, puzzled.

"Yep. I am officially the younger brother of the Easter Kangaroo." Jack said, smirking.

"And I'm the older brother of a Popsicle." Bunny added.

North hadn't the faintest idea of what was going on and he knew he would probably find out later, so he just nodded and smiled. "Good."

"So, what did you-" Jack began, but he was interrupted by aloud beeping.

Bunny's eyes widened and he zipped over to the chair. "IT"S HERE!" HE squealed in a very un-Easter-Bunny-like way.

North and Jack ran over to the computer and Bunny clicked on the inbox. "Mystichawk?" Jack asked.

"Yep. And it says that-" Bunny stopped. "Wait. We should call Tooth and Sandy."

North nodded. "You're right. Jack, could you switch on the Northern lights?"

Jack's eyes widened. "Are you serious?!" he yelped, flying over to the switch and yanking at it happily. "I've wanted to do that for years!"

Bunny smiled. "It'll take them at least half an hour to get here," Bunny said. "While we're waiting. . ." His eyes were drawn to the screen and he couldn't look away.

Jack ran back to the computer and patted Bunny's shoulder. "OPENITOPENITOPENIT!"

"But Jack," North protested.

"Oh come on North. We can just pretend that didn't read it," Bunny said, clicking on the email.

North walked over to the screen and stared at it, his bushy eyebrows bunched together in the center to form one long line across his forehead. He still looked uncomfortable.

"Well. . ." he looked over his shoulder, then back at the other two. "Hurry! Before the others get here!"

_"That's_ what I'm talkin' about!" Bunny said, clicking on the email once more to open it.

They read through four lines, then Jack stopped and smiled. "Oh boy, is Tooth going to _love_ this."

XXXXXXXXX

In Tooth's palace. . .

Toothiana was angry. No, she was annoyed. No, even more than that! She was raging! She was a fiery featherball of fury! She'd completely had it with the Boogeyman!

"Where does he get off, thinking he can send us something like that?!" she hissed, buzzing around her palace.

All of her fairies were either cowering in fear of their really pissed-off mother or out doing their jobs in different parts of the world, which was a very sensible decision considering that Toothiana, queen of the Tooth fairies, was ready to spit nails at whoever bothered her right now.

"_Where... does... he... GET OFF?!_" she screeched. "He sent us that ridiculous email, he embarrassed me in front of the others, he- he. . ." Tooth was working herself up in a perfect fury now. Her feathers were almost sticking straight up on her skin and she was quivering with rage. The more she thought about it, the angrier she became.

"HE SAID HE LIKED IT!" she finally roared at the sky. "WHAT THE HELL DOES _THAT_ MEAN?!"

She felt a tapping at her shoulder and swirled around to face the tiny quivering daughter now known as Baby Tooth.

"What?" she snapped.

Baby Tooth winced and Tooth instantly felt bad.

"I'm sorry Baby Tooth." she said softly, holding out her hand. The little fairy-girl hopped into her palm and nuzzled against her outstreatched finger to show everything was alright.

"Thanks Baby Tooth. I'm sorry I snapped at you."

Baby Tooth smiled and chirped.

"Yeah, it's Pitch." Tooth said, sighing. "I just don't know how I feel about that email."

Baby tooth twittered some more and raised her fists in a boxer pose, then she jabbed the air with her little right fist.

"OK," Tooth said, laughing. "Yes yes, you are my little warrior." she heard another chirping voice and she turned around. Over two dozen of her daughters were flying in a tight bunch with their arms folded, staring down their needle-noses at their mother.

"Oh, my bad." Tooth said, smiled and opening her arms. "You're _all _my little warriors."

The girls chirped and flew towards their mother, squeaking in forgiveness and relief that their mother wasn't royally pissed off any more.

"OK, OK, you all have jobs to do now. Go on." Tooth said. Reluctantly, the fairy-girls began to fly away, chirping goodbyes as they flew. "So, what's up?" Tooth finally said after the cloud of fairies dispersed and only Baby Tooth was left, sitting cross-legged in her palm.

Baby Tooth blinked, then she remembered why she'd tried to speak to her mother in the first place. She sprang up and began chirping like crazy, flapping her little wings and pointing up.

"Hold on, hold on, Baby Tooth In can't understand you!" Tooth said, holding up her hands."

Baby Tooth sighed, forcing herself to slow down and speak clearly.

_Chip, chirp, twee-tweet squeaky-tweet._

"Oh! The signal!" Tooth said, flying up to see the sky outside. It was covered in rainbow lights. The _Northern_ lights. "Oh boy, this means Mystichawk's replied! I've gotta go! You can look after things while I'm gone, can't you? Thanks Baby Tooth!" And with that Tooth sped off through the open air, towards North's workshop.

It took her less than half an hour. When she got there, she found Sandy, Bunny, Jack and North waiting for her.

"Hi guys!" she said cheerily, trying to wipe away the bed effects of her rage against Pitch.

Jack was straddling a chair with his arms folded over the top and his cane resting in his lap.

North was standing behind Bunny. "Hey Toothy." he said, turning around when he heard her voice. "How're you doing?"

"Fine!" Tooth said happily.

Sandy raised a golden eyebrow.

"What?" Tooth said, trying not to sound too defensive. "I'm better than ever."

Sandy raised both eyebrows.

"Sandy, if you raise those any farther they're going to float away." Tooth joked.

Sandy raised his eyebrows still farther despite Tooth's warning and, as she'd predicted, his eyebrows rose completely off his face and floated a few inches above his spiky hair-line.

"See! I told you!" Tooth said, laughing. "Seriously, Sandy, that's freaking cool! How do you do that?"

Sandy wiggled his floating eyebrows and his message was all too clear. _Natural talent._

That made everybody laugh.

Tooth smiled, trying to forget all the anger she'd been experiencing a half an hour ago and just laugh with her friends. It wasn't easy.

"So," she said, smiling. "I assume your call, North, was because we got a reply?"

North nodded. "Indeed. ve've been vaiting for you." he led her over to the small computer. "I have a feeling you'll like vhat you hear."

Tooth shrugged. "I might. Let's see."

Tooth bent down to read the E-mail, but Jack gave up his seat to her instead. She sat down, read through the first few lines, them she smirked evilly. "Oh, yes." she said, turning to look at the other Guardians. "I like this _very_ much."

Jack and Bunny shared a look. Sandy smiled and North said, "I knew it!" Jack wasn't so sure.

The fairy woman had a glint in her eye that filled jack with dread. He had a feeling he'd had that glint in his eyes more than one time and he knew that, if _he'd _had that same glint in _his _eye, it certainly wasn't good that _she _had it in _her_ eye.

Tooth was still smiling. "So, do we follow her advice and leave it as is, or do we refine it?"

North shrugged. "I suggest leaving it. The first one was very good."

Tooth nodded. "Alright. Let's send it, then read them." she smirked. "This is going to be fun."

XXXXXXXXXX

An hour later, in Pitch Black's caverns. . .

Pitch Black was asleep. Or, at least, he was trying to be. The last few nights hadn't let him have much sleep.

"Damn, damn, damn!" he swore, punching his pillow with each word. The blasted thing was suffocating him!

He turned over until he was on his back and groaned, pushing his pale palms against his face.

"Why can't I get to sleep?!" he moaned. He'd been awake for five hours since Abby and her friends left him and it was irritating him. He hadn't had a decent sleep since this whole affair started! What with questions, answers, laughing, annoyance, and everything else that he'd had to deal with, it was a miracle that he'd been able to glean any rest as all!

Pitch rolled over on his left, then to his right. The blankets were smothering him and, despite his natural rather low body temperature, he felt his hands and face growing warm beneath the blankets. It was very uncomfortable and soon Pitch found himself flinging the black covers off and letting them slide to the floor.

"UUUUGH!" he moaned for a third time. "Please, Sanderson, take pity on an old enemy! Just a pinch of dream-sand is all I ask!" Pitch knew he was whining, but he didn't care. All he wanted to do was forget all about the last few days and sink into blissful sleep. He didn't even want to dream, because if he did he knew he would probably dream about- what else? Those insane writers.

_"Hopefully not a repeat of the eyebrow incident," _he muttered.

"I highly doubt Sanderson will take pity on _you,_ Pitch. You did try to kill him, after all." said a voice right in his ear.

Pitch jerked upright, turning his head from side to side. "Who- What-!"

"Relax. It's just me, Boogerman."

Pitch moaned. "Please, Abby, not now! My head is splitting open and I need some sleep!"

"Wow. You _are _grumpy when you don't get enough sleep." The girl replied. Pitch could practically _hear_ the smirk in her voice.

"You would be too, if you haven't slept for three days!" Pitch snapped.

"Actually, I haven't slept for more than three hours in a couple weeks. But that doesn't bother me. I like staying up late, and I like staying up to write even more."

Pitch blinked. "Did you say three _weeks?_" he asked.

Abby nodded, then she remembered her conversation with Pitch and the others about nodding and how he couldn't see her when she did. She smiled. "I just nodded." she said. "And yes, I did say three weeks. Don't worry. I've gone longer."

Pitch blinked again. "Longer?"

"I went two whole months on less than twenty-four hours of sleep once. It was awesome!" she said. He heard the note of happiness in her voice and he smiled.

"That sounds very hard."

"Not really. I didn't really notice I'd been up so long until the fourth week of the second month. My mom came in and asked me why I was still up as five in the morning, which is the time she gets up!"

Pitch nodded thoughtfully. "Interesting. Now, would you please tell me why you're awakening me?" he paused. "Did the Guardians reply?"

Abby nodded. "Yes, but I have a feeling you're too _tired _to hear it right now."

Pitch sighed. "Just tell me, Abby. It can't be _that _bad."

Abby smirked. Maybe she could drag this out a bit longer than necessary. "Oh, I don't know. You look pretty beat-up. Maybe I should let you get a few hours rest and then call back."

Pitch sat bolt upright. No! That would kill him!

If tried to fall asleep, the only thing he would be able to think of was what the Guardians would say, and then he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep at all. If Abby waited to tell him, even for more than a few minutes, he was going to go insane!

"Abby, tell me." he said, trying to keep his voice calm. "If you don't, I won't be able to rest at all. You understand, don't you?"

Abby smiled. "Ah. You mean you'll be going out of your head with apprehension so much that you won't be able to get a single instant's sleep?" she asked innocently.

Pitch sighed. This girl was _insufferably _smart. "Yes." he said.

"Then I guess I'd better tell you." she said, smiling.

Pitch blinked. "Really? It was that easy?"

"Yeah. I was just playing hard to get so that I might get an honest response from you." Abby admitted freely, relishing her choice of words.

Pitch didn't notice. "Oh. OK then." he said, somewhat surprised.

"OK, so the Guardians messaged you back." Abby began.

"Yes, I rather gathered that." Pitch said dryly.

"DR. SEUSS, IS THAT YOU?!" Abby squealed suddenly and without any form of warning.

Pitch clutched his ears, his head suddenly erupting in a torrent of pounding. "Abby!" he moaned, holding his head in his hands. "Please, don't yell like that. My head is throbbing now!"

Abby blinked, momentarily stunned. "Oh Pitch, I'm so sorry." she whispered, holding her hand over her mouth. "It was just a joke I got off of Charmed. Are you OK?"

Even though he was in a large amount of pain, Pitch managed a smile. He raised his head, though his hands were still firmly placed on both temples, and said, "Oh, so you're worried about _me_ now?"

"Dude, you yelled like you were dying." she said, completely seriously. "And my yells have been known to fell large fields. _Of course_ I was worried."

Pitch blinked. "Really?"

Abby nodded. "Oh yeah. My buddy and I were making out in a corn field and-"

"I'd prefer not to hear about your personal life, Abby." Pitch interrupted.

"Fair enough. That wasn't true anyway." Abby replied smugly. "Anyway, I was out in a corn field with some friends and I got lost. I freaked out- Children of the Corn, Jeepers Creepers, you know what I'm talking about. I freaked out and started yelling, running around like a lunatic and trampling everything in my path."

"With your personality, that's completely believable." Pitch muttered.

"Wadda ya mean, _with my personality_?" Abby demanded.

*Cough* "Nothing. Continue."

"Well, I was really freaked out because I kept seeing crows everywhere and hearing weird noises, so I started to scresm. I screamed and screamed, hoping someone would find me. Stupid, I know. If I was in a horror movie, then whatever creepy thing that lurked in the corn would've sneaked up on me and either eaten me or dragged me down to it's creepy lair."

"How astute of you."

"The screaming wasn't what felled the corn though. That happened later." she said, not even bothering to retort. "I screamed and screamed, then my buddies found me and we tried to find our way out. Storm clouds rolled in and we got really freaked out. One of the girls kept saying, "The Creeper's gonna get us! The Creeper's gonna get us!" I thwacked her on the head so she'd shut up."

"At this point, I can't say I'm really surprised."

"We almost found our way out but before we could, the rain began to pour. I was soaked, freaked out way past my usual level, and I was cold. So, I did what any normal person would do under those circumstances. I closed my eyes and yelled as loud as I could."

"Yes, because that _is _what the sensible person does when he/she is in the middle of a dangerous situation."

"You'd know," Abby retorted. "The wind picked up and I swear, when I opened my eyes the entire field was felled." she laughed. "My friends were all flat on their asses and looking around like, 'Uh?'" she laughed again. "The look on their faces was pure dead hilarious."

"I can imagine," Pitch said, smiling.

"Yeah. It was great."

"But there's something about that story that intrigues me," he added, smirking.

"What?"

"Don't you think that the wind was responsible for the felled corn?"

"AHA!" Abby yelled, causing Pitch to clutch his head again. "Oh. Sorry."

"Could you please stop doing that?" Pitch asked weakly.

"I _said_ sorry. And as for your question, no, it wasn't the wind. It was me. And you wanna know why?"

"Do tell."

"The wind would've ripped the corn up and tossed them everywhere. And the corn wasn't!"

"It wasn't?" Pitch asked curiously.

"Nope! The corn was all felled in one direction: in front of me."

Pitch was perplexed. That was interesting. And it also defied all the laws of nature. "Huh. What about the corn that was behind you?"

"All felled in the same direction." Abby replied.

"Now I _know_ you're lying." Pitch said decisively. "There's no way in this world that corn would fall that way naturally. It's just not possible!"

"It is so!"

"It is not."

"It is so!"

"It is _not_!"

"IT IS SO!" Abby yelled angrily.

"Abby," Pitch said slowly. He was still holding his head in his hands. "It is physically impossible for an entire field to fall in the same direction, if the cause of that felling is in the center of the field."

Seven seconds of silence, then Abby smiled. "I know. That story was pure rubbish."

Pitch blinked. Was she serious? Had she really just spent over twenty minutes telling him a stupid story that wasn't even true? He sighed. He should've expected this. Abby had an alarming tendency to lie without apparent effort. She'd lied to him plenty of times and he really should've expected this!

Then his thoughts shifted. If all that story was was a load of pointless blabbing, why had she told it to him in the first place then? He voiced this question aloud and Abby smiled.

"It's my version of a bedtime story. Most bedtime stories are false anyway, so why should mine be true. Now Pitch, I want you to take ten long hours of rest, alright? If you don't, then I will come into your cave and spray-paint all your furniture pink, paint your walls with rainbows and sparkly unicorns, plaster Twilight posters everywhere, sell your TV and turn everything else pink and fluffy." she paused. "Including your bed and hair. You don't want that, do you?"

Pitch was too surprised to speak. She'd just told him a bed-time story? OK, that was slightly odd. It was also odd that she was ordering him to get some sleep. Not that he didn't need it. He really did! But being told to rest by a girl who black-mailed you, insulted you and basically was the bane of his existence was a little annoying.

"Fine. Only because I actually need it." he said, standing up to pick up his blankets. He rearranged his bed and carefully placed his pillow back in it's proper place, then he got into his bed. The blankets felt pleasantly cool and he closed his eyes blissfully. Everything was nice and cold and soft.

"Good." Abby said. "Ten hours, Pitch. No less. I don't want my Boogeyman all grumpy when I come back."

Pitch felt the feeling of relaxation settle over him. He smiled. He hadn't spent a night this comfortable for a long time.

Then Abby's words penetrated his shell of relaxation and he blinked. "_Your _Boogeyman?" he repeated, frowning up at the ceiling.

"Oops. Did I say that aloud?" Abby said, then she laughed. "Sorry Pitch. Couldn't help it. Now, get your rest. Then we can talk about what the Guardians wrote me."

Pitch was too far-gone. His eyes were completely closed and he felt like his entire body was humming.

"Oh, and one more thing," Abby said, smiling. "Fanty wants to know what kind of underwear you wear. She bets briefs but I have a sneaking suspicion you just wear those black tights/leggings things. Just curious."

"Mmm. Just leggings." Pitch muttered, too enveloped in the bliss of his bed to notice what he was saying.

"Ha!" Abby said triumphantly. "She owes me a box of donuts and a new backscratcher."

Pitch blinked, suddenly shaken out of his relaxing stupor. "Wait, what?"

Abby laughed, then she turned off the speakers. Pitch was left frowning and wondering if he heard right.

ZZZZZZZZZZZ

(Sorry. Couldn't resist.)

Ten hours later, in Pitch Black's caverns. . .

Pitch woke up feeling more refreshed that he ever had. Actually, he hadn't slept much in five thousand years, being a creature of the night. His whole body felt relaxed and his mind was in a state of complete numbness. It was an amazing feeling, like not having a mind at all! He wasn't tired anymore, and he could hear and see everything around him. It was a feeling he hadn't enjoyed for a long, long time.

Pitch sat up, stretched his arms and then braced them against his bed to pop his back, then he twisted his head from side to side. He smiled.

"I really, _really_ needed that." he said, standing up and looking around his room. Like his living room, it was sparsely furnished and contained nothing more than his bed, a cupboard with nothing in them, and a large oak desk with an ornate mirror hanging over it. And he liked it that way. He really didn't have anything else, besides his rather large collection of books down the hall, which was where he spent most of his time nowadays. Reading, relaxing and basically doing whatever he felt like because there was no one else to tell him different.

Pitch smiled. "Maybe Abby was right. Maybe I should sleep more often."

"Good morning, fearlings-for-brains. And yes, I was right. I'm always right." Abby's cheerful voice came through the hidden speakers to his right. He didn't show any sign of recognition other than an incline of his head.

"A good morning to you to, Abby." Pitch replied. Who else could it be? "Did you have a restful night?"

"Nah. Not really." Abby said.

"Such a pity." Pitch said.

"See, Pitch, a good sleep can do _wonders_ for you. You're already back in your familiar position of pain-in-everyone's-ass." Abby said, falling back into their usual banter routine.

"Actually I was being serious." Pitch said seriously. "Why didn't you get some rest? You know that, since you kept _telling me_ and _telling me_ to sleep and that you didn't sleep at all, that makes you a hypocrite."

"Meh. I've been called a hypocrite before, by many people actually." Abby said. "And, even though it's none of your business, I didn't sleep because I was very very busy. I had to write a few chapters for my novel, then, just as I was about to go to bed Fanty came in and told me there was a party going on down the hall and she begged me to come. I went, Fanty lured me into a drinking competition and we both got wasted on Cherry Cider so you can guess we didn't get any sleep at all. End of story. "

Pitch frowned, his good humor momentarily faltered. "Pardon?"

"I'm just teasing Pitch." Abby said. Then, after a minute she said, "It was apple cider."

Pitch raised an eyebrow. "You got drunk off of cherry cider?"

"Apple, and not really _drunk, _per se_._ More like. . . _tiddly."_ Abby said. "Whatever the right word, I still have a hangover, so I'd appreciate it of you didn't speak too loudly."

Pitch rolled his eyes. "You got a hangover from drinking _apple juice_?" he said, smirking.

"Cider," Abby corrected. "And yes, you _can _get hangovers from none-alcoholic fermented drinks if you drink too much of it. I'm living proof of that. _Oh,_ how I wish I had Jack Frost here."

Pitch blinked. "Why?"

"So I could take a leaf out of Natalie*'s book and use him as an icepack, dummy!" Abby said, laughing. Then Pitch heard a moan of pain. "Ohh, I shouldn't have done that."

"What?" Pitch asked, curious in spite of himself.

"Some moron bashed his car door into me when I was in a parking lot today. Bruised a rib. Hurts like a sonnuvagun."

Pitch winced. "Ouch."

"Yeah. So I'd appreciate it if you didn't make me laugh that much while we read this email."

Pitch nodded. "That's right, the email." he said, remembering the reason Abby had talked to him a few hours ago in the first place. She'd said-

"Hey," he said, frowning at the computer. "You side-tracked me!"

Abby frowned. "Eh?"

"A few hours ago! You told me the Guardians had sent me an email and then we started talking about corn and Dr. Seuss. You side-tracked me!"

Abby blinked, then she began to laugh. "Ahahahahahaha hahahaha! Oh my gosh, it took you until _now _to figure that out?"

Pitch folded his arms over his chest. "You continued to side-track me until I finally remembered." he muttered. "And so much for your bruised rib."

Abby laughed again. "Yeah, my rib still hurts like a sonnuvagun, but it's worth it to laugh." She bowed. "Know me, for I am Abby, queen of side-trackers! Honestly Pitch, you _really_ didn't figure that out until _now?"_

"I just got up!" Pitch defended. "Besides, how did you know I was up anyway? Are you and your cameras watching me?"

Now _that_ was a stupid question.

"Yes Pitch, the cameras were on. Relax, I haven't been watching you all ten hours. Actually, lucky me, I only started keeping an eye on you about half an hour ago."

"So. . .What?" Pitch asked.

"So I wouldn't miss when you woke up and waste time. I seriously want to read the email!" she smiled. "With how good yours was, I have a feeling that this one will be even better!"

Of course she wasn't going to tell him that she had already read the email. That she'd, in fact, _written_ the email- or part of it, anyway. That would just be giving away her ace-in-the-hole, and that was just plain stupid.

"That does not fill me with confidence."

"Meh."

Pitch frowned. "You say that an awful lot. What does 'meh' even mean?"

"Meh."

Pitch sighed. "Let's just read the email."

"Good idea."

"Do you want me to read it?" Pitch asked, walking through his bedroom door and down to his living room where his laptop sat, waiting.

"Nah. I've got a better reading voice." Abby said.

Pitch shrugged and sat down at his laptop and opened it. Then he jumped back in horror as the Boogie Wonderland song began to play at high volume.

"DANCE! . . . . . .DANCE!. . . . . . HA!. . . HA! BOOGIE WONDERLAAAAAAAAAAND!"

"ABBY!" Pitch bellowed. "WHAT DID YOU DO!?"

"Oh, that would be the sound program I installed I your computer to make sure I was up before you." Abby said calmly. "Just type in XZ1square3 and then hit _unlock_ and _devour._"

Pitch did as he was told, shakily and trying not to scream. He really hated that song, ever since the eighties when it had first come out. He'd given nightmares to the members of Earth, Wind & Fire for months after they'd written that song and first sold it in album.

"Why," he asked through gritted teeth when he was done and the vile song shut off. "Did you booby-trap my laptop, Abby?"

"I already said, so that I wouldn't wake up after you." Abby repeated. "I didn't want to lose any time."

"Oh." Pitch said. "And you just, what? Failed to mention it to me?"

"I did tell you, but you were conked out when I did. Not my fault you didn't listen." Abby replied smugly.

"I- but. . . that's not the-"

"Trivialities, trivialities." Abby said dismissively. "Now, can we please just read this email! I'm practically dying with anticipation!"

"Your choice of words is not serving you well." Pitch said. "With you dead, I might finally get some peace."

"Aww, and I almost thought we were friends." Abby said, smirking. "Friends?" Pitch snorted. "No, Abby. Bitter enemies certainly, but never friends."

"Aww," she said again. "I'm not your friend? But we're so much alike! We both like scary stuff, we both have somewhat odd hair, we're both socially awkward-"

"Abby," Pitch interrupted. "You are a maniacal teenager with purple hair and a sense of humor that would make anyone wince." Pitch paused. "And you are nothing like me. I'm surprised you have any friends at all."

More silence. Then, just as Pitch was wondering if Abby had left, her voice came through the speakers in barely more than a whisper.

"You're right."

Pitch blinked. "Pardon?"

"I said you're right. I never had that many friends until I started writing on Fanfiction. Any, in fact. I home-schooled, I didn't like other kids my age because they were stupid and couldn't act their age, and I liked to keep to myself. It's a miracle I managed to keep the friends I have this long."

Pitch blinked. A big sad sob-story was the _last _thing he expected from _Abby._ He'd actually expected a sharp retort and for her to start playing that evil song to punish him.

"Um. . ." he said, trying to think of something to say.

"Don't worry about it. You're right. I don't have many friends. Only three, in fact. You would've made four, but-" she stopped. "Meh. I kind of expected you to scoff at that. I blackmailed you, for MiM's sake! How can you have a friend that has blackmailed you?"

"If I remember correctly," Pitch said, a smile growing across his gray lips. "Your friend Drago said that you're blackmailed them plenty of times. How did she put it exactly? 'Playing dirty is the only way to get what you want?'"

"Yes, but Drago was my friend!" Abby said exasperatedly.

"That's my point!" Pitch said, pointing at the screen triumphantly. "You blackmailed your friend, and I'm certain your friend blackmailed you once or twice,"

"Try twenty to thirty times," Abby muttered.

"So. . .?" Pitch prompted.

"So. . . you can have friends who've blackmailed you." Abby said slowly. "So, you're my friend?" The hopefulness in her voice nearly made Pitch groan again, but instead he sighed patiently, reminding himself that he was dealing with a teenager.

"I wouldn't say that. What I would say is I'm not your bitter enemy anymore," he said, smirking. "But we've got a long way to go before I ever admit something so mundane as friendship."

"Aww Pitch, that means a lot to me. It really does." There was just a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

Pitch sighed. "Yes yes, just so long as you don't cry. Hearing you blow your nose is the not on my list of 'things I want to today'."

"Don't worry, I won't cry. I don't cry unless a character in a story has died or I see a spider."

"You probably shouldn't have told me that," Pitch said, smirking.

"Meh." Abby said.

More silence. Then Pitch realized something.

"Abby, you're doing it again." he said reproachfully.

Abby frowned. "Doing what?"

"You're side-tracking me again." he replied. "For someone who doesn't want to waste time, you're talking an awful lot."

Abby shrugged. "You _did_ say I was a hypocrite." she said, smiling.

"And so you are." Pitch replied. "Now, I would really like to get this over with and read this email."

"Righto! The laptop is unlocked and there shouldn't be-"

Before she could finish, Pitch clicked on the internet symbol and brought up his inbox. One message. He clicked it, then a loud and incredibly familiar female voice began to blare from the speakers.

"UH UH UHHH," it said. "PITCH, I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO WAIT UNTIL I WOKE UP."

Pitch glared at the screen. "_Shouldn't be. . .?_" he repeated, raising his eyebrows.

"Yes yes," she said, smiling. "I guess I forgot about that."

"UH UH UHHH," her voice repeated.

"Oh, and it's repetitive." she said, rather unnecessarily.

"Yes, I noticed. How do I turn it off?"

"Type in X4321R1P42." Abby replied.

"Say that again?" Pitch said. He hadn't gone any farther than X43.

"X43. . . 21R1. . . P42." Abby said slowly and clearly.

"Ah. Why the random codes?" he asked, typing in the numbers and letters.

"Meh." was all Abby said.

Pitch grunted and opened the email.

"Finally!" Abby said. "Can I read it? Please please please?"

Pitch sighed. Had she forgotten that he'd already agreed that she read the email aloud? Obviously.

"Yes, Abby. You can."

"YAY!" Abby said. Pitch heard the sound of hand-clapping. "Alrighty. Here we go!"

Pitch lowered his eyes to the screen, the he leaned back on his couch. Listening to a story was much nicer than reading one. Especially in the teeny, tiny script of the screen.

"_To Pitch Black._" she said. "_Greetings."_

Pitch blinked. "_Greetings? _After all I've done to them. . . greetings?"

"Shut up." Abby ordered. "_In light of the stories you most generously showed us, we've decided to return the favor and find a few for you."_

"As I suspected."

"I thought I told you to shut up."

Pitch raised his eyebrows, but kept his mouth shut_._

_"It wasn't easy, but we found a few delightful little tales that I'm sure you will enjoy. There are five in all, one from each of us. This first one is from Jack. Enjoy!" _Abby paused. "Oh, wait. There's a post-script. _This is Sanderson, by the way. There's one in here that I'm especially fond of, but you'll see it soon enough. Bye!"_

Pitch blinked. That. . . wasn't good.

"_Have fun reading!"_

Pitch gulped. "Sanderson?"

Abby smiled. "You're afraid of Sandy, aren't you Pitch?"

Pitch shook himself. "What? Why would you believe something like that?"

Abby smirked. "Oh, just the way you've gone paler than skimmed milk at the sound of his name and your gulping just now."

Pitch sighed. "I don't exactly _fear _him. I'm the Boogeyman, after all. _I _am the one meant to scare." Then he looked down. "But I do get rather nervous around Sanderson." Pitch said, absentmindedly rubbing his side where Sandy had flung him into a wall, a street and a car.

"Yeah, whatever you say, _boogerman."_

_"Don't _call me that." Pitch grumbled.

"A Home for Fear, by Miraeyeteeth."

"Mira _eyeteeth_?" Pitch repeated. "Yeesh. And I thought your name was bad."

"HEY! What's wrong with my name?!"

"What's a Mystichawk?" Pitch countered.

"Shuddup. _Chapter one: Fear's Home  
_

_"Shh, shh, don't be afraid… The boogeyman isn't real, after all…_

_Pitch Black lay in the comforting blackness of his lair. The Nightmares had long since left him be, alone to wallow in his own greatest fear- loneliness and obscurity."_

"I am NOT LONELY!" Pitch seethed.

_"Why?" _Abby asked. "_Why did everyone reject him? So what if fear wasn't the most pleasant emotion to experience? Not everyone could be the personification of hope, wonder, or fun. He couldn't help his nature any more than the Guardians could. It wasn't fair._

_Of course, that was nothing new to him. Most people had the nagging fear that life wasn't fair, and that the deck was stacked against them. For some of them, it probably was._

_No one seemed to be able to see that fear could protect children, more than toys or eggs or snow could. That child, Jamie… What if he had tried that sledding stunt through traffic without his precious Jack Frost there to safeguard him? There was nothing wrong with being afraid of things that could seriously hurt you."_

"That's right." Pitch grumbled.

_"But always with the platitudes. No, no, there's nothing wrong. Nothing to fear. Hush now… All those pretty little lies."_

"You sound like you're enjoying this." Pitch commented.

Abby's only response was a smile and to keep reading.

_"Maybe he wasn't being fair. Many parents knew how to use fear to guide children. Now, now, eat your vegetables, or the boogeyman will get you. Or maybe that was how he came about in the first place. He couldn't remember any more. Funny, the Fairy didn't have any of his memories stashed away. He existed before she did, he supposed. In any case, it's not like he owed who or whatever created him any favours. Always the bad guy, always to be hated, never believed._

_"Pitch?" A familiar voice echoed through the blackness._

_"Jack Frost. To what do I owe the honor? Come here to gloat?" Pitch asked, not bothering to move._

"That's _not _how my voice sounds."

_"You're a sore loser, you know that?"_

_"You're a Guardian now. Don't you have children to go frolic with, instead of pestering me?"_

_"And here I was, coming to do you a favor... The great and terrible boogeyman, sulking by himself in a corner." Jack nudged him with his staff. "Come on, get up."_

_"Don't test me, Jack," Pitch growled._

_"Just come with me this once, okay? It's not like you have any other pressing business to attend to. "_

_Pitch muttered under his breath and got to his feet. "What is just so important for me to see?"_

_"I've found a niche for you. Follow me." With that, Jack grabbed Pitch by the sleeve and a blast of icy wind hurled them out of the lair and into the night sky. It took mere minutes before they drifted to the ground in front of an unremarkable-looking house. "Here, take a look." Jack gestured at the window._

_Pitch gave him a withering look, then glanced through the window._

_A group of kids, around age 14 or so, huddled together on a couch. They were intent on a movie playing on the TV in front of them. Suddenly, a creature leaped into the foreground of the screen with a howl. Some of the kids jumped and shrieked, hugging their friends. Then the group exploded into a burst of laughter and playful teasing before subsiding to watch the screen again._

_"It's fun, you see? They're getting scared, and it's fun!"_

_"This is what you bothered me for?"_

_"Come off it, you grump. I know my fun, and you know your fear. Just because something's scary, doesn't mean it can't be enjoyed."_

_"…Why are you doing this?"_

_"Because I know how much it hurts to be alone all the time, and no one should have to deal with that. See, you just need to aim for the right audience. If you play your cards right, you could end up being a bigger name than Tooth, you know. I'm sure you've heard of a little holiday called Halloween..."_

Abby stopped and Pitch's eyes widened.

"Good story so far, Boogerman?"

Pitch stared at the screen. Five seconds. Ten seconds.

"Pitch?"

Twenty seconds.

"Pitch?"

Thirty seconds.

"YO, BOOGEYWONDERMAN!"

Pitch winced. "Yes yes, I'm here."

"So, wadda ya think?"

Pitch stayed silent for several more seconds. Then, slowly, "... I have a weird feeling about this story."

"Yeah, you should." Abby said.

Pitch's ears perked up. "You've read it? Tell me, what happens when-"

"Uh uh, Boogerman. I ain't giving any spoilers." Abby scrolled down and the email on Pitch's screen mimicked her movements. _"Chapter two: Preparations."_

* * *

_*= By Natalie I mean one of the characters from Disenchanted lullaby. She used Jack as an icepack. DR. Seuss, is I you?! _


	10. In Which Abby Takes Up Audiobooking

**Aloha Humani! Didn't I say that I'd post this ASAP? **

**OK, I'm gonna warn ya right now, these next chapters will be all about the email. Obviously. The featured author in this chapter is Miraeyeteeth **

**Author's warning: I'm gonna wait until this little mini-arc is over before I reply to reviews, so I can have more room to write.** **I may reply via PM, but don't get your hopes up.** **Enjoy!**

* * *

_"Uh uh, Boogerman. I ain't giving any spoilers." Abby scrolled down and the email on Pitch's screen mimicked her movements. "Chapter two: Preparations."_

XXXXXXXXX

_"'You did WHAT?!" North shouted, looking incredulous."_

"Abby!" Pitch complained, rubbing his ears. "Please!"

"Sorry Pitch." Abby said without the smallest hint of sincarity. "I gotta make it sound realistic, don't I?"

"You're reading to the Boogeyman, Abby, not the entire world on Fox radio." Pitch replied tersely.

_"Jack, mate, no offense, but are you bonkers?!" Bunnymund threw his hands up in the air. "This is Pitch we're talking about!" _Abby continued.

_"Look, I know it sounds crazy, but just listen-" Jack began._

_"No, I am not going to listen to any harebrained scheme you have about helping the guy that tried to throw us all into oblivion! Or had you forgotten about that little incident already?"_

_"No, I haven't. I'm trying to stop it from happening again."_

_"By, what, giving him enough power to squash us all outright? If he gets kids to believe in him again…"_

_"He wants to be a part of something! You remember how terrible it was when the kids stopped believing in you. Keeping him in that state is just going to make him more resentful and angry!"_

Abby stopped. "AWWWWWWW!" she cooed. "Jacky-poo is wowwied about Pitchy!"

"Call me that again and be damn the spell on my cave, I will break out, find you, and then break every bone in your body." Pitch replied sullenly, folding his arms over his chest.

This was an empty threat and they both knew it. Abby knew it because she knew he couldn't get out of his cave at all and Pitch knew it because of the one rule he had: Never physically hurt a child. I know, surprising, right? Pitch had never physically hurt a child in his immortal life, apart from Jack Frost. And he'd used his nightmare sand to do that, so it didn't really count,

"_Pitch sat at a table in the darkened library, flipping through a book. There was a knock on the-"_

"Hold it!" Pitch said, raising his hand. "How did we go from _talking to the Guardians_ to _me in the library_?"

"It's called a time-skip, _DER!"_ Abby said snarkily. "No, if you _don't mind._

Pitch grunted and Abby took that as an approval._ "There was a knock on the window. He glanced up to see Jack peering inside. He frowned and turned back to the book._

_Another knock, this one louder. This time the window was frosted, and written in it was "Let me in."_

_The boogeyman rolled his eyes and got up from the desk to open the window._

_Jack hopped inside. "Hey, thanks. So what are you doing in here?"_

_"Reading. What else would I be up to in a library?"_

_There was a slight pause, as if Jack was deciding against the first reply that came to mind. "What're you reading?"_

_"I fail to see how that matters."_

_The Guardian leaned against his staff casually. "You know, just making conversation."_

_"Of course. So, tell me, the other Guardians have sent you to check up on me, correct? Making sure that I'm not reading up on '101 Ways to Subjugate the World and its Inhabitants'?"_

"I read that book," Abby interrupted herself. "Pretty pathetic if you ask me."

"Just read," Pitch moaned.

_"There's a book like that?" Jack asked with a grin._

_"I don't appreciate disruptions, Jack. If you must spy on me, be quiet. Or I'll have to make it difficult for you to find me."_

_"Jeez, you're no fun."_

_"I was under the impression that was supposed to be your area of expertise, not mine." Pitch stalked back to the table and picked the book back up._

_Jack shrugged and went to go wander among the bookshelves. Just what had he gotten himself into? Was he really supposed to watch the Nightmare King for the entire month of October? Cooped up in whatever dusty spaces Pitch decided to occupy? Talk about a nightmare. Already he was itching to go outside and add some frost to the crisp autumn night. Besides, what was Pitch going to do? Get up to some spooky reading? Some bone-chilling research?"_

Abby paused, then laughed. "Bone-chilling research. Nice one Mira."

Pitch growled and Abby took that as her cue to keep reading.

_"Actually, just what was he doing here, anyway? Pitch hadn't exactly struck Jack as the bookish type. Horror stories, maybe? Did the embodiment of fear really need to get inspiration from others? Curious now, Jack headed towards the wall of the library. There had to be a light switch around somewhere._

_Several moments and two stubbed toes later, he finally happened upon his goal, a few bookshelves removed from where Pitch was sitting. With a grin, Jack flipped the switch and made a break for it. He rounded the corner just in time to see Pitch slam the book shut and fix him with a glare._

_"Oh, heh, was that me? Sorry, just didn't want stumble around blindly in here." Jack rubbed the back of his head and glanced over at the book. An encyclopedia? Looked like it covered subjects from G through I. Well, that cleared up absolutely nothing. He looked back to Pitch, only to find the chair empty. The tall man had vanished into the shadows again. Now he was going to have to go looking for him all over again. With a sigh, Jack went back to turn out the lights and left the library through the window."_

"End of chapter two." Abby said, scrolling down.

"These chapters are short." Pitch commented.

"Yes, but they're very well-written." Abby countered. "Chapter three:_ The Big Night."_

_"One month. One month whole he had been chasing after Pitch, running across him on occasion as the boogeyman went about his mysterious errands. Once at a scrapyard, a couple times in a closed-down shopping center…_

_He was starting to worry that Pitch really was plotting something nasty again, and now it was only a few hours to sundown on Halloween. He was going to have to call in the Guardians after all. He groaned. Bunnymund was going to be smug, he just knew it."_

"I'm just warning you now, there is a time-skip approaching." Abby said.

"Read." Pitch muttered.

"Reading._ The teens looked positively petrified by the time they stumbled out of the house, clustering together protectively. "Jeez, I've never had a haunted house feel so real before…" One whispered to the other._

_"Yeah, but wasn't it a rush?" An older looking boy asked, looking a bit less pale now that he was safely outside again. "It was almost like it was tailor-made with us in mind…"_

_"I'm glad you enjoyed yourselves." A soft voice echoed around them as a man stepped from the shadows. Startled, the teens huddled closer together, staring wide-eyed at the figure. "Fear is something of a specialty of mine, after all."_

_"Wh- who are you?"_

_"I think you already know. The Boogeyman, King of Nightmares, Pitch Black, at your service." he made a little mock bow._

_"But… you're not real! Mom said!" One of the younger kids piped up._

_"Did she? I guess adults don't know everything after all, do they? Now, I've got one more treat for you… Or maybe you would call it a trick." he snapped his fingers and roiling clouds of black sand rose up around the kids. They gasped and shrank back, but there was nowhere to run. The blackness collapsed over the teens and disappeared, leaving no trace of them or itself._

_"Pitch!" Like a bolt from the blue, a pale teen hurtled to the ground to land beside Pitch, holding his staff up defensively. "What have you done?!"_

_Pitch cackled. "Jack, you made it just in time for the fun part!" His mirth was interrupted when a boomerang struck the back of his head and sent him stumbling forward._

Pitch winced. "I don't cackle."

Abby snorted. "Oh come on, give me a break. You're the Boogeyman! Of course you cackle! What was that when you were flying around the globe in the beginning of the movie?"

"I... haven't... watched... the... movie!" Pitch said through gritted teeth.

"Oh. My bad!" Abby said.

_"Monster! Where are the kids?!" Bunnymund's enraged voice echoed through the night._

_"They-" Pitch was cut off as a coil of golden sand looped around him and dragged him into the air. He found himself looking into the stormy face of the Sandman. The sound of rapid wing beats and sleigh bells let him know that the other two Guardians were there as well._

_"So the gang's all here. How nostalgic," Pitch growled disdainfully. He was stronger now, though, especially tonight. He wrenched one arm free of the restraints and hurled darkness into Sandy's face. The momentary distraction loosened the bonds enough for him to break free entirely. Pitch dove into a patch of shadow in the street and promptly dissolved. "Follow me if you can, Guardians!" he taunted._

_They came to a screeching halt at the sight before them. Dozens of kids were within the cavern, many of them indulging themselves at the tables generously laden with all kinds of candies and treats. Others were dancing to some kind of Halloween soundtrack, the source of the chains, thumps, and wails. At the far end of the cavern, another group was sitting down facing Pitch. He appeared to be telling a scary story, punctuating his tale with images that formed out of black sand. He paused when he saw the Guardians come in. "Ben. You take over, you've got some good ones." he said, before leaving to go meet his newest guests._

Pitch blinked. "I held a Halloween party in my caves?" he said, testing the words as if he'd never said them before- which he probably hadn't.

Abby snorted. "Yeah. I loved this chapter because of that bit. Wait 'till you hear what comes next!"

"Waiting."

_"Expecting something else?" he asked coldly._

_"Uh… Just a little." Jack was the first one to compose himself after the surprise, and lowered his staff. "Why didn't you just-"_

_"Say something? You didn't seem very keen on talking, just on beating me. Besides, would you have believed me?"_

_"I'm still not sure I believe it." Bunnymund muttered, looking around suspiciously. "What if the kids want to leave?"_

_"I've provided transportation." Pitch gestured towards a group of Nightmares penned near the entrance of the cave. "Or I can send them back the same way they got here. It's not as fanciful as your little globes, North, but it gets the job done. You can even talk to the kids yourselves, if you'd like."_

_"Wait." Jack followed after him. "Pitch, I'm sorry about-"_

_The boogeyman held up a hand to stop him. "I won't ask for your apologies, Jack. Given my prior behavior, it's not like the conclusion you jumped to was unfounded. Besides…" Pitch smiled. It was a sinister looking smile, but Jack wasn't sure Pitch was capable of looking any other way. "If not for you, it would have never occurred to me to try this."_

_"Aw, was that a thank-you?"_

_The smile vanished. "Don't press your luck."_

"Awwww."

"Shut-"

_"Fine, fine. But I think I'll stick around for a bit longer. Make sure you're not doing anything terrible."_

_"You're just here to eat all of the candy and make a scene."_

_"And here I didn't think you knew me so well." Jack laughed._

"HA!" That was Pitch, surprisingly.

_"…I should really get back to the workshop. Christmas is less than two months away…" North muttered, watching the crowd._

_"Yeah, I've got business to attend to, back at the Warren…"_

_"Well, I'm going to go make sure that candy is okay. Cavities, you know." Tooth said, before flitting her way inside of the cave as well._

_Sandy shrugged and skipped towards Jack, who was doing quadruple somersaults as the kids looked on._

_North and Bunnymund looked at each other. "…I won't tell anyone if you won't." The large rabbit said._

_"Deal!"_

"HA!" Pitch said again. Then he began to laugh.

Abby smirked. "I had a feeling you'd like that one. And I have a feeling you'll like the next one even more."

Pitch stopped laughing. "Why?" he said suspiciously.

"Ohh, just a hint. It takes place before the party, just so you know. _Chapter four: Aside."_

_"Pitch was just putting the finishing touches on his haunted house when he felt a sudden spike of fear from several blocks away. He paused. The sun was barely down, just what was causing that exquisitely intense feeling of fear? Was someone trying to beat him at his own game? Curious, he moved towards the source._

_He had almost reached the area; it appeared to be down a dark alleyway, when he heard the sound of a blow being struck, and a small cry. Oh, the threat of violence. How brutish. Pitch thought, disappointed. He looked down the alley to see a man dragging a struggling young girl towards a car._

_Cold fury trickled through Pitch. This was his night, and someone dared to try to abduct one of his charges? With a growl, he strode to the pair and grabbed at the man's arm. His hand passed through the human's flesh as if it wasn't even there. Pitch gritted his teeth. He refused to be powerless on Halloween, the night dedicated to fear and dark._

_Actually, people did tend to be more superstitious about ghouls and ghosts at this time of the year. Maybe he could bend the rules a bit… Producing a handful of glittering black dust, he blew it into the man's face._

_The man blinked and suddenly leaped backwards, swearing. "Where did you come from?"_

_Pitch grinned. This trick would work for maybe a minute- adults were far too good at disbelieving in things- but a minute was all he needed. "From your worst nightmares. Get him," Pitch said, and a horde of Nightmares came pouring out of the shadows, charging at the man. He yelped and ran, hotly pursued._

_Pitch laughed. Sometimes, it was good to be him. Suddenly, he felt an impact at his back. Thinking he was under some kind of attack, he twisted around to see the young girl from before clinging to him. She had her face buried in his robes and was shaking like a leaf. Pitch paused. This was something new._

_From where he was standing now, it was easy to see the crumpled costume wings on the child's back. She had been dressed as a fairy, of course. He scowled._

_"I- I was so scared!" she sobbed. "You saved me!"_

_"Oh, did I?" he removed the child's arms from around his waist and ushered her back from him. He crouched down so that their eyes were level and smiled. "And who's to say I didn't chase him off so I could eat you myself?"_

_The girl flinched away, raising her hands defensively. Then, after a moment had passed, she peeked at him from between her fingers. "…You would've done it already." she said, with some conviction._

_"Such a brave girl." Pitch straightened. "Fortunately, this time you happen to be correct. I'm not particularly peckish at this point in time."_

_"Did- did you come out from under my bed to chase the bad man away?" The girl blurted out._

_Ah. The child believed in monsters under her bed. Explained how she saw him so quickly. "…Maybe. But I should go back, and so should you." he snapped his fingers and another Nightmare came to his side. "This will take you home. Tell your parents about the man, and tell them the license plate numbers on that car. Leave out the part about me. I'll get a bad reputation- saving kids. It's no fitting job for the boogeyman."_

_The girl looked at the huge black horse apprehensively. "It's scary." In response, the Nightmare snorted eagerly and took a few steps forward._

_"It's supposed to be. But if it knows what's good for it, it'll take you straight home like a good horse, won't it?" Pitch yanked on the Nightmare's reigns, and the creature whickered reluctantly._

_Pitch stepped back and watched the equine leap into the night sky and charge off, the girl clinging to its mane with a yelp. She should be fine; he wasn't as powerful as he used to be, but the Nightmares wouldn't dare disobey him tonight._

_He wondered for a moment why he bothered with the child anyway. What did it matter to him, what happened to her? He supposed that he was simply jealous of someone who would try to take away one of the children he was supposed to be scaring. Speaking of which… He turned to look at the kidnapper's car. It wouldn't do for the man to come back and just drive off now._

_Pitch smiled and picked up his scythe. When he was done with it, this car wasn't going to be giving rides to children any time soon."_

Abby stopped. Pitch hadn't interrupted the entire time she'd been reading. It was unusual for the Boogeyman to shut up for this long.

"Pitch?" she asked.

Silence for a few minutes, then Pitch spoke. "That was. . ." he said, trying to come up with the right words.

"Unexpected?" Abby offered.

"Yes." Pitch said. "But I enjoyed the 'eat you myself' part."

"Yeah," Abby drawled. "You would. Next chapter?"

"How many are there?" Pitch asked.

"Fifty-three, if I remember correctly."

"FIFTY-THREE?" Pitch yelped. "All about me controlling Halloween?"

"Nah, there's funnier ones than that in here. And- oh. That's interesting."

"What?"

"The Guardians have seen fit to only include twenty-five chapters of this story. I guess it was too long for the email."

Abby scrolled down through the email, then she stopped. "Oh gods, if they didn't include Mirror I'm going to personally make Bunnymund into a fur coat!"

"Mirror?" Pitch repeated, confused.

"My favorite chapter, aside from Prank Wars." Abby said dismissively. "And I- Oh! Here it it! YAYZUMSAUCE!"

Pitch frowned. "What the hell does _yayzumsauce _mean?"

"It's a combination of 'yay' and 'awesomesauce.' Abby replied, scrolling back up. "So, there were twenty-five chapters and we've read four. twenty-one left. Oh boy!"

"I can hardly wait." Pitch said rolling his eyes.

"Ok, here's the next one: _Chapter Five: Conversations."_

_"Jack! It's terrible!" Tooth swooped down on Jack, forcing him to halt abruptly in his frost-spreading antics. The fairy held her cupped hands in front of Jack's face, showing him a handful of teeth. "Just look at them!"_

_"Er, are you feeling alright? They look fine to me."_

_"They're positively riddled with cavities!" the fairy wailed. "It's Pitch's doing! He handed out all that candy, and I'm sure he's fueling the kids' fears of the dentist!"_

_Jack stared at her. "Okay… What's this got to do with me?"_

_"You've got to stop him! Talk to him!"_

_"Me? Why?"_

_"He listens to you."_

_He did? That was news to Jack. The boogeyman had been more cordial to him as of late, sure. Well, he hadn't tried to attack him recently, at least. But it wasn't as though they were buddies or anything. If Tooth was set on something, though, it would be easier to go along than try to argue her down. "Right, sure. I'll give it a shot."_

_The tooth fairy gave him a brilliant smile. "Thanks, Jack!" she said, before flitting off._

_Jack sighed. If he had known that helping Pitch out that one time would have made him the boogeyman's keeper… Well, he still would have done it. Nothing for it, he supposed. This place was going to have to go without frost for tonight. Jack leaped into the air and let the winds carry him off._

"KEEPER?!" Pitch bellowed.

"Zip it, Booger." Abby ordered.

"_Jack slid under the rotting bedframe and dropped down the tunnel into Pitch's lair._

_"Pit- Aaaaagh!" The moment he landed, he heard a sudden snarl and a huge black shape crashed into him, pinning him to the floor. Jack found himself staring up into the maws of some gigantic black wolf, its crazed and red-glowing eyes fixed on him as black drool dripped from the bared fangs and onto his hoodie._

_"Nox, no!" A pale grey hand grabbed the creature by the scruff of its neck and hauled it off of Jack._

_"Phew. Thanks…" Jack began, before noticing that Pitch was currently lecturing the beast. He sat up._

_"What did I tell you about intruders? You go for the Achilles tendon first. Then you can disable them quickly and shift your focus to keeping an eye out for any more of them. If four or five come in at once, pinning only one is just going to get you blasted away." Finished, Pitch turned his attention to his new guest. "Oh. Hello, Jack."_

"HA!" Pitch said for the third time.

"I know. That one made me crack up the first time I read it too." Abby said. "Can you really make other shadow-beasts?"

"No." Pitch said shortly. "It would take too much power and I'm weak enough as it is"

"Aww. A Hellhound would be so cool!"

Pitch shrugged. "Interesting concept, I grant you, but completely impractical."

Abby smirked. "_What is that? And why are you teaching it to maul people?"_

_"What can I say? I take home security seriously. And you should really knock on the door before you come into my lair."_

_"You don't have a door."_

_"Exactly. When I install one, you can then assume that you are welcome to come bother me."_

"That goes for you too," Pitch said, pointing to the screen.

"I come and go when I please." Abby said.

_"Oh, come on, since when has being unwelcome ever stopped me from doing anything?" Jack asked, picking up his staff and getting to his feet. He grimaced and tried to brush the drool off of his shirt. It came off surprisingly easily; it was apparently made of nightmare sand and quickly flaked off. "But seriously, what is that thing? Nightmares aren't good enough anymore?"_

_"It's my newest creation. I've been calling them Hellhounds. I wanted to see if I could make something with a bit more loyalty than the Nightmares is all." Pitch smiled and patted the head of the hound, which happened to be at the same level as his chest. "Well, that and I thought something new would be interesting for next Halloween. The children are just going to love them."_

_"The kids are going to be scared silly of them."_

_"Same thing, isn't it?" Pitch waved a hand and the Hellhound loped off into the shadows. "Now, what brings you here? Arbitrary as you may appear, generally there is a reason you come to disturb my peace."_

_"Well, you see, Tooth asked me to," Jack said, noticing the way the boogeyman's eyes narrowed at the mention of the other Guardian. "She's worried about cavities and stuff, you know, from the Halloween candy."_

_"You can hardly blame me for that. Candy was part of the holiday long before I got involved. It's not my style, you know that," Pitch responded, folding his arms._

_"And the dentists?"_

_"What children aren't scared of places where they get sharp objects jammed into their mouths?" Pitch asked innocently._

"HA!"

_"…Sure, right. Can't I ask you to let up on it a bit, though? Please?"_

_"And why should I?" Pitch snapped._

_Jack was slightly taken aback. "Well, I thought-"_

_"What? That I would take over Halloween, and everything would be fine? I would invite everyone over here for tea and biscuits?" Pitch laughed bitterly. "Oh, no, Jack. I hate the Guardians. I would take great pleasure in watching each and every one of them be entirely forgotten."_

_"_Indeed I would."

_"Already tried that once. It didn't stick, remember?" Jack tightened both of his hands around his staff._

_Pitch nodded. "Right you are. Unfortunately, you lot are too strong. Trying to bring you down is a waste of my time and yours. But one can always dream, right?"_

_"Pitch, you don't have to be like this. I mean, I didn't know I was a Guardian. Maybe you-"_

_"Don't be naive, Jack. You were chosen by the Man in the Moon. I'm the one he made the Guardians to stop, to protect the children from. I'm the opposite of a Guardian."_

_Jack raised one eyebrow and grinned. "Oh, you think so? That's not what I've been hearing."_

_"And just what have you been hearing?"_

_"Oh, you know. There's a little girl in town who's been telling her friends about how a tall, scary man with a bunch of black horses rescued her. On Halloween, wasn't it?"_

_Shock and embarrassment spread over Pitch's face, before he suddenly turned away. "No good deed goes unpunished, isn't that how the saying goes?"_

_"Come on, Pitch. There's no shame in being a big old softie. …Well, okay, maybe a little shame." Jack said with a laugh._

_"…You know too much. I'm going to have to kill you now." Pitch turned back to Jack, black sand flowing out of the shadows to gather around him._

_"Hah, I'd like to see you try!" Jack retorted, grinning and twirling his staff._

"HA!" Abby and Pitch said at the same time.

"That was pretty good," Pitch admitted.

"Yeah. Especially the 'old softie' bit." Abby said, smirking.

"What's next?" Pitch asked.

Abby checked the chapter title. "Oh jeez," she said, sniggering. "My second favorite chapter!"

"What? Why?" Pitch asked, instantly on his guard.

"It's really short. Abby said. "But it's the second-best chapter in this story I've ever read! Here we go: _Chapter six: Battle. _This is a direct continuation from the last chapter, by the way."

"Oh joy."

_"Pitch's lair was an absolute mess. Spiky black and white monuments of the clash between cold and dark lay scattered everywhere. A thick layer of frost seemed to cover everything, and shards of ice and darkness lay gleaming on the floor. Jack Frost stood in the midst of the devastation, breathing slightly more heavily than usual. His eyes darted left and right, then he took a moment to shake black sand out of his hair and the sleeves of his shirt. "Come out, come out, wherever you are!" he called, holding his staff in front of him with both hands. "I know you're lurking here somewhere!"_

_As if in response, the boogeyman stepped silently from the shadows behind Jack, smirking in anticipation of his sneak attack. Suddenly, he noticed that Jack was standing facing a mirror-smooth piece of ice, and that he could see both himself and the teen clearly reflected in it. Jack grinned. "Gotcha." he struck his staff against the ground and ice raced from the spot to encase Pitch's legs, trapping him. Jack whirled and leveled his staff at the boogeyman. "Will you admit defeat, villain?"_

_"I think not." Pitch responded, and whistled. The black hound from before abruptly bounded out of the darkness and clamped down on the staff, wrenching it from Jack's grip. Startled blue eyes met triumphant yellow ones as the Nightmare King grinned. "Now, Jack. Beg me for mercy."_

_The nightmare sand that had worked its way under Jack's hoodie suddenly began to move, tickling him relentlessly. Jack gasped and convulsed, falling to the floor. "Eeek! You- ahaha! You monster! My one- haha- weakness!"_

_"Did you really think I wouldn't find out?"_

_"This- pfft- this is low, Pitch!" Jack cried, clutching his sides and squirming._

"HA!" Pitch laughed. "That is-"

"Great. I know." Abby said._ "_Playing dirty, the only way to really get what you want."

_"Jack?" The unexpected voice made them both suddenly stop and look at the entrance to the lair. Toothiana was peering into the cavern, looking utterly perplexed. "What's going on?"_

_For a moment the two of them shared a remarkably similar expression, like two children who had just been caught doing something that they shouldn't have. Then Jack gave her one of his award-winning smiles. "I'm battling evil, Tooth. What's it look like?"_

_"I think you meant to say that you're losing," Pitch retorted as the sand resumed tickling Jack._

_"Ahaha! No, please! Make it stop!"_

_A veritable deluge of dreamsand suddenly poured over Jack, chasing away the darkness. The sandman was peering out of the entrance as well, now._

_"Whew, thanks, mate. Seeing that going on was all kinds of creepy." Bunnymund hopped out of one of his tunnels near the sputtering Jack._

_Pitch groaned exasperatedly. "Did I somehow forget that I sent out invitations to you lot?" he looked off to one side at the growling Hellhound that was bristling at the Guardians, Jack's staff still held in its teeth. "Nox, heel." The beast went to its master's side as Pitch broke his legs free of the ice._

_"We were worried when Jack didn't come back, is all," Tooth said._

_"Drop it." The staff clattered to the floor. Pitch grabbed it and tossed it at Jack's feet. "Well, you've got him back. Now get out."_

_Jack shook sand out of his ears and picked up the staff, ice crackling back over its surface again. "We'll call it a tie, then?"_

_"Oh, I had you beat, Jack, if your little entourage hadn't showed up. But, if you feel like tasting defeat again, I'll be happy to have a rematch sometime," Pitch replied with a smirk._

Pitch was laughing. He'd been laughing since the 'Battling evil' bit and now he was all-out chortling with mirth. "That- was-" he wheezed, rocking back and forth and clutching his sides.

"I know! I know!" Abby said. She too was laughing and banging her fists against the desk. "I love this chapter."

They both continued laughing for several more minutes, then Abby calmed down and had to get a drink of water. Pitch was still laughing when she came back.

"That- _hic!_ -enough Pitch." she said. "I know it was funny, but you don't have to kill yourself over a funny chapter."

"Oh, oh, oh," Pitch said, clutching his sides. "I'm f- fine."

Abby giggled. _I'm so glad I'm filming this, _she thought.

The next few chapters flew by.

Pet:

_"There's nothing little about that thing! What is that?!" Jack's skin was crawling. He hated bugs. You never had to worry about bugs in the winter time._

_"Theraphosa blondi, or the Goliath Bird-Eating Spider. Poor little thing. I was doing my rounds in South America and one dolt was trying to kill her with a shovel. I've always had a soft spot for spiders; arachnophobia is probably one of the most common fears, after all. So I just couldn't leave her." Pitch patted the cage fondly and opened up the door to it._

_"Don't let it out!" Jack leaped into the air and hovered there._

_"You're sure you don't want to meet her properly, Jack?" Pitch asked, holding both of his hands to the opening of the cage._

"Huh. A nice tarantula would make this place more homely."

"Ewww. I hate spiders."

Rescue:

_"What possessed you to come to the blasted tropics?!" Pitch demanded angrily, holding Jack up by the collar and shaking him._

_Jack coughed up salt water, spewing it all down Pitch's arm. The boogeyman looked disgusted. "What're you doing here?" the boy croaked._

_"I'm saving your miserable hide is what I'm doing! You were putting off enough fear for me to sense a continent away!" Pitch snapped. "And if you tell the Guardians about this, I swear I will come back and drown you myself!" Nightmare sand wrapped around Jack and he suddenly found himself in a blessedly cold snowbank in the middle of a frozen plain. Antarctica, judging from the penguins nearby. Jack still felt very woozy. Did that really just happen? He wondered, flopping backwards into the snow._

"There's no way I would save Jack Frost's life. I might find a nice shady spot to watch the fun and bring some popcorn ,certainly, but I wouldn't step in to help if my life depended on it."

"Denial isn't a river in Egypt, Pitch."

"Huh?"

"Joke. Never mind."

Aftermath:

_"Pitch's normally pale grey skin had an angry red tinge to it, and the skin on his nose was peeling. The boogeyman gave Jack a withering look. "The equatorial sun doesn't agree with my nature any more than it does yours, Jack. I'm sunburnt. Now, if you're finished gawking, go away."_

_Jack paused for a moment, caught between feeling responsible for the condition and finding it hilarious. The latter won out, and Jack guffawed. "You look ridiculous."_

_"Yes, I'll have you know that I blame you entirely. Next time, don't expect any help. Although I may drop by with popcorn, just to watch you suffer," Pitch replied, herding Jack towards the exit. He plucked the cookies out of the boy's grasp. "I'll be taking these, you don't deserve them. Now, out you go." Nightmare sand coiled underneath Jack's feet and flung him unceremoniously out of the lair._

"The real me wouldn't be stupid enough to get sunburned. And I prefer oatmeal cookies."

"Another weird trivia answer on the long list I'm making."

Holiday:

_"I came by to wish you a Merry Christmas, of course! I even hand-delivered you a white one!" Jack replied, looking pleased with himself. "It's a little early, I suppose, only Christmas Eve and all, but I do have a pretty packed schedule around this time of the year."_

_Jack could actually see the muscles flex in the boogeyman's jaw, that was how hard Pitch clenched his teeth. "Oh, how considerate of you. Tell me, did you also bring a present? Perhaps a large bag of salt to rub in my wounds?"_

_Jack's brow furrowed. "What?"_

_"Are you really so idiotic as to not realize that reminding me of my enemy's day of glory might be a bit ill-thought out, Jack?" Pitch asked, the shadows around him starting to writhe. "If I had won against the Guardians back then, and on the day that would have been Easter, I invited you to celebrate All Hail Our Dark Lord Day, how would you feel?"_

"Hey, for once she got my persona right! I _do _take it upon myself to taint this holiday in any way I deem necessary, even if it is only in a few countries."

"So, you really do dress up as Krampus?"

"Yes indeed. And boy, is it fun."

"I'll take your word for it."

"Also, I _hate_ Carol of the Bells."

"Let me guess: Rudolf the red-nosed reindeer?"

"No."

Tea Time:

_"Whatever do you mean?" Pitch asked innocently. "Can't I warmly welcome a friend into my home?"_

_"Stop it, you're being really creepy."_

_"How nice of you to say. I'm flattered. I'll be right back, go ahead and take a seat." Pitch gestured at the chairs, then vanished._

_Jack spent a moment wondering if he should run far, far away and never return._

_"Another_ example of this character being _completely_ outside my normal persona."

"Just wait. The next chapter is where it gets good."

Prank war, part one:

_"I'm worried about Jack," Tooth began, looking at the other Guardians that had gathered up at North's home. "He's been spending a lot of time around Pitch; it can't be good for him."_

_North shrugged. "Pitch has not hurt Jack. He seems to be fond of boy."_

_"That's not necessarily a good thing, North. You didn't come with us last time, you didn't see them playing. It was beyond creepy," Bunnymund said with a shudder._

_"Come now, is good that Pitch is having harmless fun, yes? Better than threatening children."_

_"What if it's just another one of his plans? What if he's plotting to corrupt Jack or something?" Bunnymund asked._

_"You don't trust Jack?" North replied._

_"Jack is fine, it's Pitch I don't trust. Leopards don't change their spots so easy."_

_"Jack's already a bit, well, mischievous." Tooth said, fluttering her wings nervously. "And he's the youngest one of us. What if Pitch is a bad influence on him?"_

_"Sandy, what do you think?"_

_The short golden man shrugged. Above his head, a miniature Jack flew around carefreely, zipping this way and that._

_"You are right. Even if we think that Pitch is a problem, Jack is free-spirited. How would we stop him from doing as he likes?" North agreed with the silent Guardian's sentiment._

_"Well, there's gotta be something. It's not right, a Guardian spending time with that whacker."_

_From further inside the workshop, there was a series of muffled booming noises, followed by familiar maniacal cackling. Moments later, a soot-covered yeti came storming into the room, smelling strongly of onions. The creature garbled grumpily and waved its arms around. It took North a moment to decipher the message. It seemed as though someone had set off a series of firecrackers, smoke bombs, and stinkbombs throughout the workshop, and that all the elves appeared to be hopped up on sugar, only adding to the utter chaos. "And you are telling me Pitch did all this?"_

_"Yerblag!" the yeti grumbled._

_The Guardians all stared at each other for a moment as a single disquieting thought occurred to them all. What if it wasn't Pitch corrupting Jack they had to worry about? What if it was Jack who was being a bad influence on Pitch?_

"OK, I admit This sounds promising."

"You ain't seen nothing yet."

But it was at Prank War part two that Pitch really started guffawing.

_Pitch spurred the Nightmare through one of the doorways out of the workshop, the Guardians hot on his heels. "Now, Jack!" he cried._

_"Jack?" Tooth repeated. The Guardians looked off to one side to see their pale companion smile and wave cheerily, then tap his staff on the ground. The ground below them turned to sheer ice. Sandy and Tooth, floating above the ground, didn't have any problems, but North and Bunnymund weren't so lucky. They both lost their footing and fell backwards onto the ice, as the momentum from their chase sent them sliding uncontrollably forwards. The ice they were on suddenly went into a dip and they found themselves zipping along a long, icy track full of bends, corkscrews, and even loop-the-loops._

_"AAAAAHH!"_

_The track seemed to go on for ages, plunging into dizzying drops and nausea-inducing bends, before it suddenly tilted upwards and abruptly stopped. The two Guardians went flying off the ramp at top speeds and hurtled through the air._

_"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!"_

_Whump! They both landed in a soft pile of snow. The two holiday spirits lay half-buried in the snowdrift, groaning. "What happened?" North asked dazedly, as the world seemed to spin around him._

_Pitch was suddenly standing over them, smirking. "That's a good look for you two. You should really be blindsided and knocked flat on your back more often."_

_Bunnymund growled. "Why was Jack helping you?"_

_Pitch's smirk widened into a nasty grin, and he leaned closer to the Guardian, eyes glittering with malice. "Maybe your dear boy has finally seen reason and decided to join me. Maybe humiliating you two is the first step we're going to take before blanketing the world in cold and dark," he hissed. A snowball suddenly smacked into the side of Pitch's head and he was sent sliding across the ice and ended up in an undignified heap in another snowbank. "Okay, fine. Maybe he just agreed because he thought it would be funny," Pitch added, his voice muffled by the snow._

_"Ding ding ding! We have a winner," Jack landed near the others, followed by Sandy and Tooth. Sandy looked rather amused, Tooth a bit more concerned. Jack grinned, leaning on his staff. "Sorry, guys, it was too good to resist. You should've seen the look on your face, Bunny."_

"Now that was a trap truly worthy of the Nightmare King." Pitch said, laughing.

"Hey, Jack helped you you know."

"As you say, meh. Frost probably got the idea from me."

"Braggard."

When Abby started reading the third part of the Prank Wars trilogy, she had to stop every few minutes to let out a squeak of laughter here or an amused chuckle there. It annoyed Pitch greatly.

_"A shriek of rage echoed from deep within the dark cavern, and the Nightmare King emerged from his lair, his face twisted with anger and his eyes blazing with hatred as shadows rose from the ground all around him. The effect was, unfortunately, rather spoiled by the now brilliantly pink clothing that covered his body. "What have you done?!"_

_Jack just stared for an instant before bursting out laughing. "Pitch, you- ahahahaha! Oh my gosh! That- I- pffft!" he held up a hand to Bunnymund. "That is a masterpiece!"_

_The Easter Bunny high-fived Jack, chortling. "You should keep that outfit, Pitch. It looks great on ya."_

_Pitch snarled. "You'll pay for this, rabbit." The shadows wrapped around him and he was gone._

"Pink robes. Ha!"

"I don't find that funny." Pitch grumbled.

_"Sandy's contribution to the war was somewhat more subtle. Pitch didn't realize until he had spent a few nights sure that he heard muffled laughter whenever he turned around to leave the room of a child he had spooked. He was certain he had gotten all of that blasted bunny's dye off of his robes… He twisted to peer at his back and caught a glimmer of golden sand. "What?"_

_A quickly fetched mirror gave him a better look at the glittering words written across his back. Even in reverse, they were easy to read: KICK ME._

_"Oh, how mature, Sanderson." Pitch muttered, wiping away the dreamsand."_

Abby laughed richly at that one. "My ultimate favorite!" she said.

"Oh ha ha he he, I'm dying." Pitch deadpanned.

_"Jack was the one who first discovered Pitch's revenge on the silent Guardian, flying up to greet Sandy on his nightly rounds."Hey, Sandy, how're the dreams ton- whoa!" The small man had a clump of nightmare sand floating near front of his face, forming the shape of a large, ridiculous-looking black handlebar mustache._

_Sandy looked at Jack in puzzlement, a question mark over his head._

_"Um, you just have a little something here." Jack said, rubbing a hand over his own upper lip. When Sandy went to touch the black sand, it suddenly flowed away from his hand, reforming into a pair of bushy, glowering eyebrows. "Pfft-! Uh, yeah, you got it." Jack said, biting back a snicker._

_It took almost a month before Sandy got rid of the thing, during which it also took the form of sideburns, large, dorky-looking glasses, an array of piercings, and a goatee. By the end of it, the Guardians were pretty sure that Sandy was aware of the thing's presence and was just enjoying the joke as much as the rest of them."_

Pitch and Abby were laughing uproariously now. "You know," Pitch wheezed. "This might not be a bad idea!"

"You'd have to get Jack's help," Abby said.

"Meh." The Boogeyman said. Abby nearly squealed. _He's using my word! _"I can substitute."

"The best is yet to come." Abby warned and began reading again.

_"Tooth had done her best to avoid the insanity that seemed to be gripping everyone else. She had more important things to worry about than having some kind of bizarre contest with Pitch. Oh, boys and their egos." _Abby paused. "It is so true, sister."

Pitch didn't comment.

_"Well, that was until she heard a frantic peeping noise from around the corner of one of her towers. Tooth gasped and sped towards the sound. If he's harmed any of my girls, Pitch is going to be losing more than just one tooth! Tooth thought angrily, and was unfortunately distracted enough to fly straight into the webbing that had been strung across one of the archways. The black stuff clung like glue to her, and she was stuck fast along with a handful of her mini-fairies, the ones that had been making the distressed noises. "Pitch! Let us go right now!"_

_"Oh, my, Toothiana. Didn't anyone teach you any manners?" Pitch was reclining in the black, silky strands nearby. "You're supposed to say please."_

_"Pitch, I'm serious!" Tooth snapped, thrashing against the webs._

_"Ah. I really wouldn't do that, if I were you. You'll be bringing them down on you, with all this movement." Pitch said, his eyes flicking to something balanced on the top of the web._

_Tooth froze for a moment, feeling a chill run down her back. No, Pitch wouldn't… She craned her head to look up, expecting to see something with far too many legs bearing down on her. Instead, there were a series of teetering buckets perched on the top of the webs, and the moment of her head was enough to send them tipping over. Gallons of water dumped over Tooth, soaking her to the skin._

_Pitch howled with laughter. "Oh, the look on your face was priceless." he met Tooth's searing glare with a smirk. "Don't be like that, my dear. It was just a joke. Look, your little helpers are even dry. Aren't I considerate?" he snickered once more before fading into the shadows. The webs faded with him, releasing the dripping Guardian and her mini-fairies._

_"Oh, it is on."_

_Everyone agreed never to speak of what Tooth did in return for that one. Pitch didn't come out of his lair for a week."_

Both Pitch and Abby were howling with laughter, "This is great!" Pitch said. "I take back what I said. This is the most amusing story I've ever read!"

Abby smiled. "I'm sure Mira will be pleased to hear you say that."

Pitch didn't comment. "So, how far are we?" he asked.

"This makes thirteen. Twelve to go." Abby replied.

The first seven of the twelve went by quickly but with lots of laughing:

_"He strode up to the prone Guardian and glared down at him, stroking the blade of his scythe. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't cut you open and take back my candy."_

_Jack flinched at the sound of Pitch's voice; he'd apparently been too focused on his gastrointestinal distress to notice the boogeyman before now. "Um… I'm already suffering enough? Also, it'd be really unsanitary." he winced and curled up tighter as another wave of cramps swamped him. "Owwww. Pitch, help."_

_Pitch crossed his arms, scythe dissolving back into sand. "I'm not sure what you expect me to do. You brought this upon yourself. Besides, I seem to recall promising to just sit back and watch you suffer next time you were in trouble."_

_"If… ergh… if you just leave me here I'm going to puke on everything you own."_

"Oh boy, I can just imagine the look on your face if you found him for real. That's great!" Abby said.

"Yes, that was rather amusing." Pitch said.

"On to the next chapter! This one is. . . I can't remember the name."

"How original."

_"You know, you keep helping out kids like that and people might start to think you actually like them or something." Jack said, swooping out of the sky to land nearby._

_"Oh, but Jack, I love children," Pitch replied with a predatory grin, one that showed all of his teeth. "I just can't eat a whole one."_

_"Hmm. I suppose you do have to watch your figure. They'd have to be terribly fattening, wouldn't they?"_

_"You have no idea. Though if you're interested, I'm sure we could split the next one I find. I have this great recipe for barbeque sauce…"_

_Jack snorted and whacked the boogeyman on the arm. "Tempting though it may be, I think that eating kids is something that is frowned upon when you're a Guardian."_

_"How dreadfully restrictive. Next, you'll be telling me that you're not allowed to jaywalk either."_

_"I think cannibalism and jaywalking may be a bit far apart on the 'things that are wrong' spectrum."_

_"Are they? My, my, how complicated morality can be. I'm glad I don't have to worry about such a thing," Pitch drawled._

_"I don't know about that. I think your allowance of unspeakably evil deeds is running out. If you jaywalk many more times, I might be forced to battle you, simply to stop the world from being consumed by darkness."_

_"I had no idea the fate of the world was teetering on whether or not I obeyed traffic laws. If the balance is that precarious, maybe I should try making a grab for power again."_

_"Oh, everyone would be doomed if not for one little thing that you seem to be forgetting…" Jack struck a pose, hands held out from his sides. "Me. I mean, I'm just that amazing. I'd be able to send you packing without breaking a sweat."_

_"So, the world's only protector is a scrawny teenager who squeals like a little girl when he gets tickled?" Pitch asked with a smirk._

Pitch sniggered.

_"Hey, that was playing dirty, Pitch."_

_"I'm the bad guy, remember? Of course I go for the low blows. It's just a shame you grew up in a time period without cameras; just think of what I would have been able to accomplish with a couple of blackmail-worthy childhood photos."_

_"Oh, that's it, you're going down." Jack said, and launched himself at the boogeyman. Pitch only had an instant to widen his eyes in surprise before he was plowed into and driven to the ground. Then there was an icy arm wrapped under his jaw, putting him in a headlock. Jack was roughly rubbing the knuckles of his free hand over the boogeyman's scalp, mussing his hair beyond repair._

_"Blast it, Frost! What are you doing?" Pitch growled, flailing._

_"It's a noogie, Pitch. Now, take it like a man!"_

_"Never!" Pitch cried, dissolving into shadow. Jack fell onto the ground and for a moment everything was silent. Did he scare the boogeyman off? He looked around curiously. No sign of him. Weird. Jack got to his feet, and suddenly he was the one in the headlock as Pitch reappeared and grabbed him. He really should have gotten used to Pitch's vanishing acts by now, but he apparently hadn't, judging from the startled cry he made._

_"Revenge!" Pitch cackled and noogied Jack mercilessly._

_"Ow, hey, stoppit! The noogie was my idea, get your own." Jack protested._

_"Make me."_

_"You asked for it." Jack said, producing a handful of snow and hurling it into Pitch's face._

_The boogeyman growled and sputtered, releasing the boy to wipe the ice out of his eyes. "You'll pay for that, Frost!"_

_"You'll have to catch me first!" Jack laughed as he leaped into the air and sped off._

Abby was cackling and Pitch was chortling.

"I'll admit, that was pretty good." he said.

"Yeah. Another of my favorite chapters!"

"You do seem to have a lot." Pitch said.

"Yep! On to the next one!"

_"One young couple was making their way down a pathway and happened to have the misfortune to gain the attention of both of the immortals. Sandy watched, unnoticed, as Jack and Pitch smirked at each other and crept up on the couple._

_The woman was clinging to the man's arm, looking pale and nervous. The man smiled and squeezed her shoulder comfortingly. "Don't be scared, sweetie. It was only a movie. Besides, I'm here to protect you…"_

_That was as far as he got before they were swooped down upon. All the streetlights in a twenty-foot radius suddenly went dark as Jack created a patch of ice right where the woman stepped next. She let out an involuntary yelp as her foot went out from under her and she flailed to keep her balance. The man screamed (in a rather high-pitched tone, too) and bolted, leaving his partner behind._

_The lights came back on, shining down on a severely unimpressed-looking woman with folded arms. "Here to protect me, huh?!" she hollered at the fleeing figure._

"Ha! I bet we ruined THAT relationship," Pitch snorted.

"Yeah, no doubt."

The next chapter made Pitch groan and Abby squeal with laughter.

"I knew it!" She crowed. "I knew they'd add these two! YES YES YES!"

Pitch buried his face in his hands.

_"Jack was hovering near the entrance, looking flustered. There was a dusting of frost covering his cheeks, odd. "Pitch, I, uh, I'm sorry, but I can't say I feel the same way," he stammered, holding his staff across his chest defensively._

_Pitch stared at him. "…The same way about what?"_

_"Uh… This?" he held up a bouquet of jet-black roses, tied with a velvet ribbon. There was a card nestled among them._

_"Give me that." Pitch snatched the flowers out of Jack's hand and pulled out the card, high-grade black stationary with gold-embossed lettering. He scanned it. "…My light in the darkness? Is that supposed to be a term of endearment? I hate light."_

_"So… they aren't from you?" Relief was evident in Jack's voice._

_Pitch snorted. "I like to think that I have better tastes than that, Jack. You've been had. Where did you get these from, anyway?"_

_"They were on my lake."_

_"And you jumped to conclusions. My, something about this holiday just makes twits of everyone, doesn't it?" Pitch shrugged and flicked the card back at Jack. "Well, I suppose it is signed… Not my writing, though. Actually, it looks quite similar to a certain Guardian… He's quite an accomplished gardener, I believe. Leaves flowers everywhere, doesn't he?"_

_Jack's eyes narrowed, and he crumpled the card in his hand. "Bunnymund. Payback for the pranks from before, I guess. Oh, he is going to get it!" he looked at Pitch. "We will never speak of this again, agreed?"_

_Pitch smirked. "Of course. I wouldn't dream of using this against you, Jack."_

_Jack groaned and dragged his hand down his face. "…I'll deal with that when it happens. Right now I have a rabbit to kill."_

"You're _joking,_" Pitch groaned into his hands, earning another laugh from Abby.

"I thought you hated Oogie Boogie."

"I do." Pitch said. "Anyway, this is the most ridiculous chapter by far! Why on earth-!"

"It's freaking funny Pitch, THAT'S WHY!"

Pitch rolled his eyes. "Why must it always be me?" he asked the empty room. "Always me! Never do you laugh at anyone else's expense!"

"Pitch, you're not on a network television." Abby sniggered. "No need to be any more dramatic than you already are. Anyway, if you think this one was bad, you ain't seen nothing yet."

Pitch felt an overwhelming urge to go hide somewhere, very very far away.

_"Jack had just left when Pitch got a wonderful, awful idea. Jack wouldn't really kill the Easter Bunny, sadly. And Bunnymund was of course expecting anger and embarrassment, and why should that overgrown hare get anything he wanted? No, it would be so much better to turn the tables on him…_

_Besides, it was Valentine's Day. He should really act in the spirit of the holiday. Pitch smiled and slipped off into the shadows._

Pitch's eyes widened. "Why do I not like where this is going?"

Abby sniggered. "Trust me, you won't."

"_Jack landed near one of the entry tunnels to the Warren, frost sparking in the air around him. "Bunnymund!" he yelled. "Get your cotton tail up here right now!"_

_The Easter Bunny hopped out of the hole, smirking. "What'sa matter, mate? Was Valentine's a bit too eventful for you this year?"_

_"Look here, you furry little-" Jack started into his rant._

_"We really can't thank you enough," Pitch cut in, materializing directly behind Jack. The two Guardians jumped at the sudden appearance of the boogeyman. "I mean, who would have thought the two of us were just too shy to make the first move?" he purred, lightly tracing a finger down Jack's arm. Jack pulled away from the touch, giving Pitch a questioning look, but the boogeyman was too occupied watching the Easter Bunny's reaction._

Pitch made a loud and not altogether fake gagging sound. "Ulg! That's-! UGH!"

Abby sniggered. "It gets worse."

_"The look of abject horror on Bunnymund's face was just too delicious; Pitch almost lost the battle to hold in his laughter at the sight of it. It was difficult, but he managed to keep his beatific smile steady._

_"Pitch, what're you-" Jack began._

_"Oh, you aren't being bashful now, are you, my snowflake?" Pitch asked, cocking his head to one side and grinning widely at the winter spirit. "I mean, after that last meeting in my lair, I don't think either of us can deny the connection any more."_

_Pitch could see realization dawn on Jack as a grin to match his own spread over the boy's face. "I suppose you're right, my… dark angel," he said. Pitch had to bite back another wave of laughter. Jack's pet names could use some work._

_Bunnymund finally snapped out of the shock that had frozen him. "What? You… you're not serious, are ya?"_

Pitch made very loud retching sounds. "Oh please, STOP!" he moaned.

"Nope! Too late now!"

_"Oh, but we're very serious. And we have you to thank for bringing us together in such a romantic way," Pitch looked sidelong at the rabbit as he produced the black bouquet and toyed with the ribbon. "It was terribly sweet of you. Surely it means you approve of the two of us, right?"_

_Bunnymund growled. "Not blooming likely, ya whacker. It was a joke! Don't you dare touch Jack!"_

_"Jeez, Bunny, when did you become my dad?" Jack asked, leaning on his staff._

_"Jack, mate, this can't be right. Cupid musta got you with a stray arrow or something, you gotta stop!" Bunnymund pleaded._

_Pitch sneered at the Easter Bunny. "Oh, is this making you uncomfortable? I intend to do more than touch, rabbit." he got down on one knee, facing Jack with his back to Bunnymund. "Jack, will you…" Taking a page out of the sandman's book, he used his nightmare sand to form the rest of the message: pummel Bunnymund with snowballs?_

Pitch stopped gagging. "Say that again?"

Abby laughed. "_Jack, will you…" Taking a page out of the sandman's book, he used his nightmare sand to form the rest of the message: pummel Bunnymund with snowballs?_

_Jack laughed. "I'd like nothing better."_

_"Jack, no!" Bunnymund cried. His terror-struck expression was wiped off his face by a snowball smacking him right between the eyes. A flurry of them followed immediately afterwards, sending him reeling backwards, right back into the tunnel. He fell down it with a yelp._

_"Next time, you might want to pick a prank that doesn't have the potential to backfire so spectacularly," Pitch called down the tunnel with a cackle. "Oh, but don't worry, I have no interest in whisking Jack away! Consider this payback for putting my name on that ridiculous bouquet!"_

_"You son of a... Rack off!" Bunnymund yelled back._

_Jack clutched his sides, shaking. "That was great. Though…" he wiped tears of laughter out of his eyes. "Explaining this to the other Guardians is bound to be a little awkward."_

_"Psh, I doubt the rabbit will be eager to share this little misadventure with the others anytime soon. You should be fine."_

By now Pitch was laughing, and this wasn't like his previous laughs. Those had been restrained and controlled. Now, he was all-out snorting, giggling, and making sounds that Abby would not have expected from the boogeyman.

"Oh, oh, oh, heheheheheheh hahahahahahahaha!" Pitch cackled. "That was fantastic! Absolutely brilliant!"

Abby couldn't help it. She began to laugh at the Boogeyman's reaction. "Even the part where-"

"Z- zip it!" Pitch said through his laughter. "Just sh-shut up Abby!"

Abby laughed again. "He he he he he he he he he he." _This is so freaking funny. I'm gonna post this the minute we're done with the email! _

"Ok," Pitch said, wiping his eyes after a few more minutes of laughter. "I'm fine. You can start again."

Abby nodded and scrolled down, keeping a wide smile plastered on her lips. "YAYZUMSAUCE!" She squealed. "Here's my favorite chapter, FINALLY!"

Pitch rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time and crossed his arms in the familiar moody teenager form. Thank Darkness. They were almost done.

_"Jack was just passing through one town when, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a tall black shadow slip through one of the windows he was flying past. Jack came to a stuttering stop and whipped back around. Sure enough, there was Pitch, standing in a bathtub and tugging the shower curtain across to hide himself._

_"Hey, what are you doing, lurking in someone's bathroom? Being a creeper?" Jack asked, leaning on the windowsill._

_"I don't know if someone who's peering into a bathroom through the window is one to talk, Jack. Besides, this is a normal enough place for me; people worry about something lurking behind the shower curtains almost as much as they do things under beds or in closets."_

"I'll have you know, Pitch," Abby interjected, cutting herself off. "That as a result of this chapter I've developed a habit of punching my shower curtain every time I go to the bathroom!"

Pitch raised an eyebrow. "What do you think I am?" he demanded. "Some kind of creep?"

Abby shrugged. "Partially. Still, I blame you."

Pitch rolled his eyes. "Just keep reading, if you please."

"_Now, hush. This is one of my favorite games."_

_"Games?" Jack repeated, before he heard voices of several girls coming from outside of the room._

_"Come on, Stacey, it's your turn. You gotta do it."_

_"Yeah, you're not a chicken or anything, are you?"_

_"No, it's just… I…"_

_"Don't be lame. Go on."_

_A preteen girl stepped through the doorway, chewing her lower lip. After a moment's hesitation and a pleading look shot through to whoever was standing outside, she closed the door. Facing the mirror, her back to Pitch and Jack, she flicked off the light._

_"Bloody M-mary," she whispered. The girl looked terrified. Jack could see Pitch's smile widen._

_"You're not gonna jump out at her, are you? She's already really scared," Jack hissed._

_"I know what I'm doing, Jack. Don't you trust me?" the boogeyman asked, grinning._

_"Of course not," Jack replied with a snort._

_"B-bloody Mary," the girl whispered again, unable to hear the conversation going on behind her._

_"Clever boy. But I can't have you interfere." Pitch flicked his hand and shadows silently shut the window, flipping the latch and trapping Jack on the outside of the house. "Just sit tight."_

_"Bloody… Mary!" the girl whimpered a third time, flinching away from the mirror and squeezing her eyes shut. After a moment, she peeked out again. Nothing. She sighed with relief and flicked the lights back on. It was only when she opened the door did Pitch act, slipping out from behind the curtain and flinging a fistful of nightmare sand through the doorway._

_There was suddenly a flurry of screams and shrieks from the other girls. "Stacey, y-your eyes!"_

_"Bloody Mary got Stacey!"_

_"She'll get us too now!"_

_Jack heard the girls scramble away, screaming for their parents. Stacey just stood in the doorway, looking confused. Pitch threw back his head and cackled gleefully before fading into the shadows to reappear on the windowsill near Jack, looking contented._

_"…That was actually pretty nice of you, Pitch," Jack said._

_"Nice? So terrifying children is nice now, is it?" Pitch asked, leaning against the building. "It was simply more efficient, Jack. This way, I get to feed on the terror of four girls, instead of just one."_

_"Suuuure, Pitch. Whatever you say," Jack replied._

Pitch, despite his irritation at Abby for reading the previous chapters, had to chuckle. "OK, that was pretty good." he admitted.

The next one sent Pitch laughing again. Abby was getting a little worried about the Boogeyman's sanity. Surely he hadn't ever laughed this much? It was an un-Boogeyman-like thing to do, after all.

"Jack, there are myths about vampires that are identifiable because of their backwards feet. Others have necks that can stretch out meters long, or consist of nothing more than a floating head and a bunch of trailing internal organs. There's even one bloodsucker that is a human head with bird's talons that flies around using its massive ears like wings. And that's not to mention the vampire squash and pumpkins of the Balkans. Do you really think that _sparkling_ is the most ridiculous trait that can be applied to vampires?" Pitch repeated, laughing. "That was my favorite! My absolute favorite."

Abby smiled. Hey, at least he wasn't screaming and throwing things. By her count, there were four chapters left.

_"Pitch!" Jack whirled, leveling his staff at the boogeyman, standing protectively between the cage and where Pitch had emerged from. "Why are these kids in a cage?!"_

_"Because when they were free to wander about one of them almost fell off of a cliff," Pitch answered, seemingly unperturbed by Jack's aggression._

"Sensible way to deal with children."

_"Oh, man, you are awful at this!" Jack laughed as he sniped Pitch's character for the fifth time._

_The boogeyman snarled, ferociously mashing buttons. "It's hardly my fault! This device is completely unintuitive! And this person lacks teleportation abilities! I've never had to deal with strategizing under these conditions!"_

_"You big baby. You don't hear me whining about how my character can't fly, do you?" Jack taunted._

Abby sniggered. "I do enjoy this kind of thing," she said.

"I'm so glad." Pitch said sarcastically.

_"How can these things even move? They don't have any feet!" Jack yelled exasperatedly as the two of them rushed through town to try to corral the rapidly-growing number of zombie snowmen._

_"I don't know! I blame your influence, you're always doing nonsensical things with snow and ice. Like skating in bare feet, how does that even work?" Pitch snapped._

_"Yeah, because phasing through shadows is oh so rational, right?"_

_"But they're not teleporting, thank the darkness! Look, there's one, blast it!"_

"Calvin and Hobbes." both Abby and Pitch said at once.

"Oh, now you're going to tell me you read Calvin and Hobbes?" Abby said, raising her eyebrow. "Boy, we're more alike than I thought."

"I've read it, on occasion." Pitch admitted.

_"The darkness wrapped around the both of them and Jack abruptly found himself in an unfamiliar and dimly-lit area. "Where are we?"_

_Pitch's smile gleamed in the darkness. "A zoo. The insect exhibit, to be precise. And the reptile exhibit is right that way. I've always loved this layout, so many things that people get unsettled about in one place."_

_Jack uneasily shifted away from the wall of glass enclosures he could now make out as his vision adjusted to the darkness. "…Okay, and why are we here?"_

_"Because I've always wanted to do this!" Pitch cackled gleefully and raised his hands, shadows springing up all around them. A tendril of nightmare sand slipped through each lock and the cages sprang open, one after another. "Be free my pretties!"_

"'Be free, my pretties?' Pitch repeated."I would've gone with, fly my pretties, fly."

"THAT'S THAT I SAID!" Abby said, laughing.

"Next."

_"Jack landed on the roof of the rink just as a shadow poured out of the ventilation duct and coalesced into the shape of the boogeyman. Pitch was looking far too pleased with himself._

_"Jeez, I have a bit of a down day, mention a skating rink, and the next thing I find out you've decided to haunt the whole place? Really?" Jack asked._

_"Maybe it was just a whim," Pitch replied with a shrug. "I can have fun if I want to, and this was a lot of fun. I've forgotten how much I enjoy a good old-fashioned haunting."_

"Oh boy, that takes me back" Pitch said, rubbing his hands together. "I remember the days when all I did was go around, doing old-fashioned haunting. It was so much fun!"

Abby smirked. "Sounds like a nice way to pass the time."

"Oh, it was."

When they reached the end of the last chapter, Abby smiled.

"Hey Pitch?"

"Hm?"

"That was just the first story. We've still got three to go."

"Oh darkness."


	11. The Boogeyman REALLY Doesn't Like Nachos

**Aloha Humani!** **I'm back. After a few days-R.E, weeks, of R&R- reading and revising -I'm back on here and ready to type! This chapter is dedicated to ElizabethHoWey and Inumaru12 and their stories, Random Thing the Guardians didn't know about Pitch and Hockey Pucks, Missing Teeth and Nachos. Sorry this took so long to write, guys.  
**

**I'm sorry about last chapter, It kinda got away from me a little bit. It wasn't meant to go over 10,000 words but, as all my really funny chapters tend to do, it did. I hope you liked it, and I apologize to Mira. I really didn't mean to use too many chapter clips, as I want people to read your story as much as mine, but IT WAS SO FREAKING FUNNY! I had a damn of a time figuring out what sections to write and how to edit them. Seriously! It was hard!**

**Anyway, this chapter should be about 10,000 words, so it won't be too long. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"Hey Pitch?"

"Hm?"

"This was only the first story. We still have three to go."

"Oh darkness."

Abby smiled. "But don't worry. They're really good ones I bet."

"_Really good_ meaning really good at poking fun at me?" Pitch inquired.

"Yep." Abby said happily. "Poking fun is my job!"

"If so then you should get a raise." Pitch muttered.

"Pick-axes and stones may break my bones," Abby replied in a sing-song voice. "But words don't do a damn thing to me."

"Interesting twist." he commented.

"Yeah. All those old sayings have gotten dusty and full of cobwebs. Stuff like that needs some modern jazz."

Pitch rolled his eyes. _Teenagers._

"Very well, continue." he said, waving his hand at the screen.

"Alright, here's the next one," Abby said, scrolling down. _"Hi Pitch. This is Toothiana."_

Pitch blanched and Abby sniggered. "What's wrong, Pitch? Nervous?"

Pitch coughed. "Nervous? About what?"

Abby wrinkled her nose. "I hate the smell of lie in the morning, Pitch."

Pitch threw up his hands. "FINE!" he yelled, flopping backwards onto the arm of his couch. "Fine. I'm. . . I'm _apprehensive_ about what Toothiana will say."

"You're scared." Abby said decisively.

"I AM NOT!" Pitch yelled, sitting bolt upright and glaring at the screen. Abby smirked.

"Yeah, you are." she said, folding her arms over her chest and staring at the screen with a self-satisfies smile on her face. "And so you should be. Tooth isn't pleased, Pitch. When you sent that story to the Guardians, you started something that you might not have wanted to start."

Pitch's eyes widened. "Wh- what do you mean?"

Abby's voice lowered in register and her tone deepened. Her words were slow and menacing. "Tooth is extremely annoyed with you, Pitch Black. She is annoyed, and she has vowed revenge against you."

"Revenge?" Pitch said, trying to laugh the word off but failing miserably. Maybe he should consider asking Abby to take over as the Boogeyman/woman- WHATEVER!- when he wanted a few days off. She sounded pretty creepy right now.

"Yeeessssssssssss." Abby said, her voice was turning smoother and less-spooky. "Tooth has vowed _REVENGE!"_

When she shouted the last word, Pitch jumped and Abby burst out laughing.

"I scared the Boogerman! I scared the Boogerman!" she sang, laughing and clapping her hands twice.

Pitch scowled. "You did _not_ scare me." he growled. "You just. . ." he paused.

"Just what?" Abby asked innocently.

"Just. . . _startled_ me." he finished lamely.

"Riiiiiiight."

"Just read, blast you." Pitch grumbled.

"You got it! _Hi Pitch. This is Toothiana. I'd like to thank you for that lovely little story you sent us. It was most illuminating."_

Pitch blinked. "You're serious?" he said. "Is that really what it says?"

Abby tutted. "Pitch, it's sitting there right in front of you. Read it for yourself if you want."

Pitch leaned in and looked at the screen, scanning for the line.

"_I'd like to thank you for that lovely little story you sent us. It was most illuminating." _Pitch repeated. "Well, this is interesting." His face had lost it's scowl and now he looked intrigued.

"What?"

"Apparently the Tooth Fairy is quite adept at sarcasm." he replied.

"Huh. Well, I wouldn't be surprised." Abby said. "Now, can I please read the rest?"

"Please do."

"_It was most illuminating. I had no idea you felt so strongly about me-"_

"IT DOES NOT SAY THAT!" Pitch yelled, glaring at his computer screen. If looks could kill, Abby would be dead three times over.

"Oh yes it does." Abby said. "_I had no idea you felt so strongly about me, and I must say that I'm flattered, but I must decline. I mean, how would the others react if I started to date our mortal enemy? You understand, don't you?"_

Pitch's face was growing redder and redder. "I don't know what she's talking about!" he hissed.

Abby wiggled her eyebrows. "You _don't?" _she asked incredulously.

"No, I don't."

"Well, I assume she's referring to that nifty little story you sent her about you and her." Abby said, sniggering. "I mean, what's a girl to think?"

Pitch groaned and slapped his forehead with his palm. "It was a joke!" he said exasperatedly. "I didn't actually _mean_ anything by it!"

"Hey, _I'm_ not the one who wrote this email." Abby said, raising her hands defensively. "Don't kill the messenger because of a bad message."

Pitch glowered at the screen.

"Now, if I may finish," Abby said, lowering her eyes to the screen. "_Anyway, this story is relatively short, but it's my personal favorite. I hope you enjoy it!"_

Abby paused. "You ready?"

Pitch sighed. "Well, I don't have a single shred of dignity left, my chest hurts from all the laughing, and I have a feeling that this next story is going to be even more embarrassing than the last."

"OK then, I'll take that as a 'yes'. So, chapter- hang on!" she said, stopping herself.

"What?"

"This isn't a story, it's a one-shot!"

Pitch frowned. "What's a one-shot?" he asked.

"It's when someone writes a short, one-chapter story. One-shots are usually boring and don't have much detail, but I've read a few good ones."

"Interesting." Pitch said dryly.

"OK, here we go." Abby said, smiling. "Hockey Pucks, Missing Teeth and Nachos."

Pitch blinked. "Say again?"

"Hockey Pucks, Missing Teeth and Nachos." Abby repeated.

Pitch stared at the computer, then his lips crinkled into a smile and he laughed. "What kind of a name is _that?"_ Pitch demanded, still laughing.

"You'll see." Abby said. "Now, may I read?"

Pitch sighed mightily. "Fine. Fine."

"Thank you. _It wasn't that Jack didn't know about hockey, in fact, he very much loved the ice sport, it was just he never realized that it was such a big sport to adults as much as kids. He never really cared for those other sports, like baseball and football or soccer so he ignored them and their adult, more serious, counterparts._

_But one day when visiting Tooth, the winged lady had been buzzing around excitedly and holding in her hands what Jack recognized faintly as one of those hockey jerseys that kids sometimes wear._

_"Hiya Tooth, what are you up to?"_

_"Oh! Jack, hi! I'm getting ready for the upcoming hockey season! I am so ready for it ever since it's been on hiatus." The fairy like woman muttered under her breath angrily, but Jack was too far away from hearing properly."_

"What does _hiatus_ mean?" Pitch interrupted curiously.

"Just a fancy way for someone to say something's been put on hold." Abby replied. "Like, your fear-mongering has been put on hiatus because you're stuck in your caves."

"Ah."

"_Jack blinked._

_"Upcoming Hockey season? But I already saw some kids playing hockey just the other day." Jack perched himself on the top of his cane, looking down at his friend._

_"No, the professional season silly!" Tooth giggled, thinking Jack was playing around._

_A few seconds ticked by and the genuine surprise on Jack's face made Tooth's laughter become stifled in her throat._

_"Jack..." The fairy spoke softly, as if talking to a small child. "You do know what I'm talking about right?"_

_Instead of realization on the boy of winter's face like she expected, a small sheepish grin appeared._

_"When did people make a professional hockey match?"_

_Jack felt the horrible feeling that he had said something terribly wrong when he saw the horrified look on Tooth's face."_

Pitch sniggered. "I had no idea the Tooth Fairy was a Hockey fan."

"Yeah, I don't like Hockey. I prefer Roller Derby." Abby said. "Much more blood and injuries."

Pitch blinked, then he smiled. "You have a twisted and sadistic mind, Abby."

"Why thank you Pitch. You have all the charm of a sea-sick frog." Abby replied without missing a beat. "At least I'm not one of those creepy people who actually likes watching those nasty murder movies and the blood and guts." She shrugged. "I like Roller derby because it's fun and only chicks can do it, I like WWE Wrestling because Ryback freaking rocks and I am seriously glad the Undertaker kicked C.M Punk's ass,"

"Oh my darkness, I loved that episode!" Pitch said before he could stop himself. "The thing with the urn was genius. Pure genius!"

"You mean when he hit Punk over the head with it?"

"Yes."

"I agree. Awesome."

Pitch sighed. "I have no idea why people are so 'aw aw aw' about football nowadays. It's boring! A bunch of guys get to strap on a hundred pounds of protective gear to bash into each other to try and grab a fraudulently-named ball."

Abby smiled. She had a mental image of Pitch sitting on a black couch with a bowl of popcorn and a black beer-hat on his head. She almost snorted, but she managed to hold it in. Instead, she said, "I agree. Football is really lame and America should find a new pastime. Like reading, or doing something constructive instead of sitting on a couch drinking booze and eating potato chips."

"Agreed. Now, if you wouldn't mind. . ." Pitch said, indicating she should go on.

"OK."

_"Whoa." Jack whispered, awe coating his words as he took in the sight before him._

_An huge ice rink with seats filled to the brim with two different colors wearing adults, and children too! They were all here to watch a professional hockey game! Ever since Jack had confessed that he didn't know there were professional games to Tooth, she had done everything within her power to enlighten Jack to the world of the NHL and basically forced the young guardian sit and listen to her stories of hockey games and people losing their teeth._

_Jack wasn't sure if the female was more interested in the game or in collecting the teeth. But then again, Jack didn't really care. He got to witness people of all types worship the ice and the players the glided across that beautifully cut ice._

_Sitting in the entire row that Tooth had somehow claimed for them (that way unseeing adults didn't bump into them or walk through them) somehow, Jack would have to ask later, the white haired boy waited for the game to start in barely contained anticipation._

_Finally the bell rang and the game started as the teams slid out onto the ice, Jack and Tooth screaming for their teams as the match started and their screams melted into the sea of other answering calls."_

Pitch sniggered. "And it seems our favorite fairy has dragged the virtuous Jack Frost into the pit of blood and violence. Who knew."

"_Half way through the third period and the score was 5-6 with Jack and Tooth's team behind and the two were alternating between the edge of their seats to standing and screaming at the players. Suddenly the lights began to flicker and while the players paid no mind, their only focus on the puck and how they were gonna shove the opposing player out of their way to get a goal and even the score._

_So wrapped up in the game, Jack didn't notice the dark and looming presence standing next to their seats until there was a sudden flick to his ears that momentarily distracted him. Turning around, annoyed at the distraction, Jack's eyes widened with shock when he saw Pitch standing there in all his glory."_

"Wait, what,_ I'm_ in this?" Pitch said, frowning. "I thought this was a tooth-"

"Pitch, it's a story sent to you from the Guardians." She said, smirking. "_Of course _it's going to have you in it!"

Pitch didn't comment.

_"Pitch..." He gaped, making the grey colored skin man smirk which quickly turned into a look of bewilderment as Jack suddenly gave him a huge grin. "I didn't realize you were a hockey fan too! This is great! Sit down, watch it with us! Want some nachos?"_

Pitch grimaced. "Nachos. Disgusting."

"What kind of person doesn't like nachos? Abby asked, surprised.

"I don't."

"Really? huh. You must have a reeeeeeally good reason not to like them. Nachos are the bomb!"

Pitch grunted.

"So, if you don't like nachos, what kind of food _do _you like, Pitch?" Abby asked innocently.

"I fail to see how that's relevant."

"I'm just curious." Abby said innocently. "I've gotten enough trivia from you freely, but now that I'm actually _asking_ you a trivial question you rebuke me! WTF?"

"WTF?" Pitch said, frowning.

"It means what the fruck."

"Oh." Pitch rolled his eyes. "Well, I'm partial to a plate of spaghetti and meatballs with ricotta and parsley."

"S and m? Huh. Never pegged you for that kind of food."

"I've only had it twice." Pitch said. "I don't eat as a rule, but when I do it's usually something worth it. Something from an expensive restaurant or-"

"Oh come on Pitch, I know you're fibbing." Abby interrupted him. "What's your favorite food? Real food, I mean, not candy or popcorn or something like that."

Pitch rolled his eyes. "Fine. My favorite food is Pizza. Thick-crust, everything but onions and anchovies and peppers."

"Huh. Can't stand the heat?"

"I'm not partial to spicy foods, if I can avoid them." Pitch replied.

"Cool. _Pitch refused to sit and he pushed Jack's offering hand away with a look of mild disgust._

_"No, you brat. I'm here to beat you into submission. Now just give up now and perhaps I'll let you kiss my boots."_

"Not even that," Pitch said.

"_Jack was about to make a retort when a buzzer went off and Tooth went literally flying out of her seat, how Jack got her wings to work under that jersey of hers he would never know, screaming with joy as there team was finally even with the opposing team._

_"YES! Take that you-" And then Tooth went on to describe the other team in some **very** colorful words that made both Jack and Pitch glad that no children were around to hear them. Oh, nope, scratch that last part. There was a child a few rows over that was staring at them in awe and wonder and a little confusion as he tugged on his father's arm to ask just what certain words meant. Oh well, Jack shrugged, it wasn't his problem."_

"HA!"

_"I can't believe I missed it!" Jack groaned, his head falling into his hands._

_"What!" Tooth whirled around in shock, "How in the world did you miss that play Jack? That was such a great shot and-oh." She had stopped her rant midway when she saw Pitch standing there, his eye twitching slightly._

_"Yes. **Oh.**" Pitch drawled, feeling his patience dwindling. "Now, onward to the fighting perhaps?"_

_Tooth was momentarily confused before looking towards Jack for an answer. Jack's eyes didn't leave the rink, even as the players slid towards the bench for a short break._

_"He's not here for hockey but to fight us and make us his slaves while he rules over the world with fear and yadda, yadda, yadda. The same old thing as the last times...Plus he doesn't like nachos. Who doesn't like nachos?" Jack eyed Pitch suspiciously for a moment before turning back to the rink."_

_"Not here for the game? You want to fight, during a hockey game but not_ **_in_** _a hockey game?! Just as our team is neck and neck!?" Suddenly Tooth puffed up, looking very much like an angry bird and Pitch would swear until the end of time that he had actually seen fire exploded from the normally calm and peaceful guardian's eyes._

_"O-Ow! OW! Stop, what are you-that's not fair! OW!"_

Abby had to stop for a few minutes to let out her laughing and giggling.

Pitch winced and rubbed his jaw automatically. "Ow. This isn't funny."

Abby laughed again. "Still hurts where Tooth punched you out?"

"Uh, _yeah."_ Pitch said in a very convincing obnoxious teenager-voice.

"You still got the quarter?"

"Shut up and read." Pitch grumbled.

"Hey, that sounds like a song!" Abby said, smiling. "_Shut up and reeeead, reeeead, reeeead! Shut up and reeeead, reeeead, reeeead!_ They should play it in a library!"

Pitch didn't comment.

"Reading. _Jack smiled a little as he heard Pitch's cries of pain but never turning from the ice. After a while the shouts ended and Jack heard Pitch slump into the seat next to him. Without even looking, the winter spirit pushed his nachos into the Nightmare King's lap. Pitch said nothing but sighed before taking the chips and hesitantly eating one. The man made a face, from what Jack could see out of the corner of his eye at least, before slowly eating more."_

"Blech." Pitch said, making a face.

Abby smirked.

_"It was near the end of the fourth period and everyone was on the edge of their seats. Neither team had been able to score since it had been tied up and the referee was willing to go into overtime if needed. Both the Tooth Fairy and the winter spirit gasped as suddenly their team go position of the puck and charged their way towards the goal._

_Little choking sounds, or whimpering as it sounded to Pitch really, came from the two when suddenly the man, that beast, leaned back and shot!_

_The sound of air whooshing, the movement of the opposing team's goalie diving to block it-but missing!-the sound of puck hitting net, and finally, the sound of the buzzer going off. They won. Their team had freaking won!"_

"Go team!" Pitch said sarcastically.

_"Tooth and Jack screamed, along with most of the stadium, and jumped to their feet and jumped up and down with so much joy that Pitch actually looked physically sick...or maybe it was just from all the nachos?_

_The two guardians whooped and hugged and danced and threw their hats into the air, and got new hats in the process, and in general were acting like today was the best day of their lives._

_"That was amazing!" Jack was grinning ear to ear as they walked out of the stadium later. "Did you see that final shot Pitch? Wasn't that just awesome?!"_

_"Yes," Pitch droned, holding another container of nachos and talking between mouthfuls, "I was there unfortunately. I saw it all. Amazing. Awesome."_

"Well I'll be." Abby said. "The Boogeyman likes nacho-"

"I DON'T LIKE NACHOS!" Pitch yelled angrily.

"Denial isn't a river in Egypt, Pitch." Abby said.

"You keep saying that. What does it even mean?" Pitch asked, completely forgetting that he was supposed to be angry.

"It's a joke, Pitch." Abby said again. "Anyway, who doesn't like nachos? That's like not liking breathing!"

Pitch rolled his eyes. "Another amazing job by Abby, queen of side-trackers."

_"Jack either ignored his sarcastic tone or was oblivious (Pitch bet the second one) and just nodded enthusiastically before turning to Tooth who was hovering in what seemed to be pure ecstasy as she hugged her small sack of fresh teeth against her chest._

_"Hey, we should play our own games of hockey! I bet we could get the others to join us!" Jack spoke, sounding very happy with his idea._

_Tooth's eyes widened with joy just as Pitch's did but with fear and dread."Oh yes! That would be just wonderful! But oh, make sure you wear a mouth guard Jack." Tooth blinked and tilted her head thoughtfully. "Or don't." she amended, chuckling a bit too darkly for Pitch's liking as she caressed her pouch of teeth and the Boogeyman took a few steps back, ready to disappear into the shadows._

The real Pitch's eyes widened.

Abby sniggered. "What, afraid you're gonna bet your butt whooped at Hockey?"

"No." Pitch said shortly. "I just know that Jack Frost would cheat. He is the Guardian of Fun, and his idea of fun would be tripping me up and watching me fall flat on my face."

"Or the other end." Abby suggested innocently.

"And besides," Pitch said. "I've never skated a day in my life."

"You _glide!"_ Abby burst out. "That's the same thing but with blades on your feet!"

Pitch had no comeback to that.

"Anyway, we're almost done. _Jack just laughed though and waved it off like a joke._

_"Haha, sure! Oh yeah, we can have Pitch play too!" Turning towards the man, Jack bounded towards him eagerly. "How about it Pitch?"_

_"Good Moon, no! Not with you fanatics! I've seen satanists with less fanaticism then you two!"_

_And with that, Pitch quickly made his exit, nachos and all._

_Tooth and Jack blinked and then looked at each other in confusion._

_"What was his problem?"_

_Tooth shrugged, just as confused as the younger guardian._

_Mimicking the gesture, Jack quickly bounced back._

_"Hey, what if we ask Bunny? He'd be perfect for the goalie!" Bright blue eyes sparkled with joy and Tooth nearly sang in approval._

_"Yes, Yes! Let's go ask him now!"_

_And the two shot off, eager to inform their friend of their plans._

_**XxXxXxXx**_

_Far away, a Pooka felt a shiver run down his spine and wondered why he had the urge to go run far, far away."_

Abby sniggered. "You took the nachos."

"I DON'T LIKE NACHOS!"

"You like nachos."

"I DON'T LIKE NACHOS!"

"Denial isn't-"

"AND STOP SAYING THAT!"

"If your voice gets any higher, Pitch, you're going to bust a lung."

Pitch let out a sound like a baby bird being strangled and sunk down in his couch seat.

"Ain't got no comeback for that, d'ya?" Abby asked in a mock western accent.

Pitch raised his head and Abby saw something happen to the Boogeyman that had only ever happened once before, to her knowledge. Twin jets of black sand erupted from the Boogeyman's very large and pointy ears, like train steam.

Abby's eyes widened. "I didn't know you could do that! That's freaking cool!"

Pitch didn't respond. He was too busy huffing like an indignant teenager.

"Oh you big baby." Abby said, standing up and heading out away from the computer.

"Where are you going?" Pitch asked.

"Out to grab some nachos." Abby said, waving her hand at the screen. "If anyone else comes in here, _don't _talk to them."

Pitch frowned. "Why?"

Abby turned around and sighed, then walked back to her computer. "If you don't want to lose the shred of sanity I've left you, _don't... __talk... to anyone._" she said in a deep, spooky tone.

Pitch blinked. "H- h- how long will you be gone?" he stuttered.

"An hour, tops." Abby said, using her normal voice. "Why don't you go catch up on some Z's while I'm gone?"

Pitch shrugged in response, knowing she could see him. "If you're only going to be gone an hour then there isn't really much point, is there?"

Abby shrugged. "Meh." and she was gone, out the door.

Pitch waited. . . and waited. . . and waited. . . and waited_. . ._

By his count he'd been waiting for two and a half hours before he finally got fed up and said, "Oh forget it! I'll just read the damn thing myself!"

Pitch sat up straight and pulled the laptop towards him. The top of a line of text peeked over the rim of the screen and he scrolled down, readying himself.

_"Hello Pitch. This is North."_

Pitch groaned. What horrors would the jolly old bag of cookies have for him?

_"Is good to hear from us, no?"_

"No."

_"Well, whither you want to hear from us or not, here we are. The feeling is mutual."_

Pitch smirked. "It certainly is."

_"Personally I didn't ever vant to hear from you ever again,"_

"Vant?_ Vant?_!" Pitch repeated. "North, you speak like a Russian! You don't _spell_ like a Russian."

_"and if ve-" _"Ve? Really North? _Ve_?"_ "-ever saw you again, ve vere going- to use Bunny's wordings, drop-kick you into the next century."_

"Oh, like he could." Pitch sneered.

_"But now that ve heard those wonderful stories and found some interesting tales of our own, I have almost changed about thirty percent of my opinion about you."_

Pitch nodded thoughtfully. "Almost thirty. Huh. Not bad."

_"Vhich is more than I can say about Bunny."_

"Pfft. The rabbit wouldn't say a single nice thing about me, even if his fur was on fire and he was being eaten alive by Cerberus."

_"But really, Pitch, ve didn't know how like us you really vere. You have bad moments and you have good moments. You are just trying to do job, no?"_

"Yes," Pitch said, looking warily at the screen. This was what he had been afraid of.

He knew how the others stood with their opinions of them. Bunnymund absolutely _loathed_ him and wished him dead, Toothiana despised him, Sanderson mostly hated him but also pitied him, as an old friend, and Jack Frost would most likely gladly see him thrown into a lion pit and torn apart for what he'd done, to him and the others.

But North? He didn't know what North felt about him.

He probably hated him, like the others, but Pitch couldn't help feeling the tiniest twinge of doubt when it came to what he thought the jolly fat man's opinion was of him. _Did_ he hate him? Did he pity him? Pitch had no idea.

_"Well, despite your big bluster about being the Boogeyman and all that, I know that you have faults just like everyone else and _ _ those faults do not make you a worse spirit. Having faults is vhat keeps is in touch with humanity."_

Pitch's eyes widened. Now he was really beginning to not like where this was headed.

_"Yes, this story certainly proves my theory that people change, even you, Pitch. I enjoyed this story immensely and I hope you take a lesson from it. Not everyone is perfect. So, here's the next story. I hope you enjoy."  
_

Pitch was afraid to look down. He was afraid to scroll. What horrors would he see?

_"Weird things the Guardians didn't know about Pitch," _he read aloud. "Oh_ no._"

_Pitch felt bored today, a feeling he rarely got. He decided to go spy on the Guardians. Normally he'd hate that idea, he wouldn't even let it cross his mind. But when you get bored you'll do anything, so here he is sitting outside of a window watching the guardians having a word called fun._

_They were sitting in what looked like a library/living room. All had their trademark smile on there faces, it looked like Jack was telling a story of some sorts._

_Even with the window open he couldn't hear what it was about though. He looked around the room they were in, two elves were licking some cookies that were on a plate then putting them back._

_"...Such stupid creatures.." He whispered to himself._

_Looking around some more he was about to try and listen in on the story Jack was telling, when one elf that was across the room came in with a strange-looking bottle. The elf made its way toward the glasses of the guardians with a smile on its face. It seemed to him a smirk instead of a smile though._

_He softly chuckled when he read the label of the bottle. The elf had a bottle of Gin and was pouring it into Bunnymund's glass. No one was paying attention though._

_"So not all the elves are stupid.." A faint smile made its way onto his face._

Pitch stopped reading and stared at the computer with a bemused look on his face.

"I fail to see the significance for me in this story."

_It was a while before Bunny grabbed his glass. He gulped it down in one go and Pitch was trying to resist the urge from letting out a laugh, when he saw Bunny's eyes go wide._

_Bunny's face went from confusion, to panic to relaxation in a couple of seconds. The other Guardians of course had noticed and confusion were wearing frons of confusion on their faces._

_And then Bunny started to laugh, causing everyone to become even more confused._

_"I'ma Bunny! Haha...Buuuuunnneeeyyy!" He started to pull on his ears._

_"Umm...Kangaroo are you okay?" Jack asked, concerned. Bunny never acted like this and it was kinda scaring him._

_"I am not a Kangaroo! ...or wait...am I? No...no.. I'ma Bunny!" He started to giggle like a mad school girl._

_Sandy made a question mark over his head with sand along with other symbols._

_ "I do not __have idea__ Sandy..." North replied._

_This continued for several minutes, Bunny saying random things and the Guardians wondering what the heck was going on with their friend until Pitch let out a small laugh when Bunny fell over and passed out._

_The three Guardians that were left awake looked toward the window, startled._

_ "Pitch!" Tooth yelled._

_Pitch lost it, his small laugh turned into a loud giggle, which then turned into full-on laughter._

_Everyone, including the elves and yetis that were in the room, were __stunned__. Pitch was laughing._

_And he continued to laugh, eventually working up to a loud snort, then more laughter and a few more snorts. The unlikely sounds caused a more likely sound, namely a giggle, to come from the Tooth fairy's mouth. She quickly silenced herself though._

_Everyone else was caught in a trance, to shocked or stunned to move._

_When Pitch finally stopped him tirade of laughing his pale cheeks were stained with tears and he was trying to catch his breath._

_"Looks like I got caught..." Pitch slowly backed up from the window awkwardly, a frown on his face. He had not meant to lose control like that._

_The first one to shake himself out of the trance was Jack and when he did, a smirk came to his mouth and he chuckled._

_ "You know...For the nightmare king you have an adorable laugh.."_

_Sandy silently laughed, while North and Tooth let out unbidden chuckles.  
_

_A light pink blush crept its way onto Pitch's face and he turned, running off in the opposite direction of the Guardians where he launched himself towards the nearest shadow and disappeared._

_Today everyone learned three things:_

_1: Jack is awesome with telling stories._

_ 2: Bunny should never drink again._

_3: Pitch sounds absolutely adorable when laughing._

Pitch stared, completely frozen, at the screen. What on earth. . .?

And then he began to laugh. He laughed and laughed, rocking back and forth so hard that the couch beneath him slid every time he rocked. He couldn't help himself! The whole idea was just so preposterous!

It took him at least three minutes to relax and ease back into the realm of sanity and hen he did, he was smiling.

"This is the oddest story I've ever read." he said. Then he scrolled down, wondering what else this story contained.

_"Hey kangaroo! It looks like it's going to storm...shouldn't we get going?"_

_"I'm not a Kangaroo, I'm a **bunny!** And what, are you afraid of some rain or something?"_

_Jack face-palmed, "Listen..what usually comes with rain?"_

_Bunny blinked. "...ohhh...bugger.."_

_"Sometimes I wonder if you have a __brain__." Jack said, laughing when Bunny gave him a glare, "Since being in the woods during a storm isn't the brightest idea, can we go to your warren?" Jack grinned._

_Bunny glared at him again. "I'm not sure about that. Last time you were there you broke a lot of my eggs."_

_"It was an accident!"_

_**"Suuuure** it was an accident." Bunny said, rolling his eyes._

_ Jack laughed again, "Can I? Can I? Please please please? I promise I won't brake anything! Maybe..." he mumbled that last part, earning him a glare from Bunny._

_Bunny frowned, then he gave up. Jack was giving him the Puppy-eyes and there wasn't a being on earth that could resist **that.** "Fine. Just... keep your frozen hands to yourself!"_

_"Will do," Jack said, smirking._

_Drip Drip Drip_

_Pitch looked around, "Great. It's going to rain." he sighed, "I'm going to have to walk back my Nightmares don't like being wet..."_

_Frowning, he stood up and stretched his legs._

_By the time he was halfway home it was raining pretty hard and he was **soaked.**_

_"...I'll just take this shortcut," he mumbled as he began walking across a large, open field of grain._

_Fwhoomp!_

_"Uggghhh...Curse it! I **hate** having long legs!"_

_Bunny and Jack saw Pitch walk into the field and were about to avoid him and walk away but then they saw him trip over a rock._

_Jack __instantly__ began laughing and Bunny cracked a grin on his face._

_Pitch quickly looked over to where the other two were standing and scowled. Then he gathered his dignity, standing up and beginning to walk again._

_CRRRAACCK!_

_Pitch stiffened and stopped moving, his eyes wide._

_Jack stopped laughing and stared at the shadow-man, wondering what he was doing._

_SHHH-BOOM!_

_The tall figure of the Boogeyman cringed and Jack and Bunny exchanged glances. Then, when they looked back, they saw his shoulders had started to tremble._

_ "Is he... afraid..of thunder?" Jack asked, furrowing his eyebrows.  
_

_Another loud boom filled the sky causing Pitch to shake even more._

_"That answers the question." Bunny remarked.  
_

_Jack __nodded. They watched the Boogeyman cringe and shake with each thunderclap for at least ten minutes, then Jack sighed and said,__ "Days go by...and somehow...he just seems..."_

_"Like a kid and not like a nightmare king at all?" Bunny asked, finishing Jack's thought.  
_

_"Yeah." Jack nodded again._

_BOOM!_

_Pitch jumped and began to walk away, striding swiftly across the field, too scared and wary of the thunder to pay much attention to the holes beneath his feet.  
_

_"I thought his little hideout spot was that way," Jack pointed to his left. "But he went right."_

_Bunny didn't respond._

_"We should follow him..."_

_Bunny blinked, then turned to give him an incredulous look. "Are you crazy?"_

_"Well...you said it a while ago..he seems different. Plus...aren't we** Guard**ians? We're supposed to help people... right?" Jack grinned._

_Bunny glared at him, but gave up when Jack gave him puppy eyes. It was impossible to look away or to not cave in to those eyes.  
_

_"Ugh! Fine...but we are **not** taking him back to the Warren when we catch up with him."_

_And with that, Bunny began hopping off toward the direction Pitch had headed in.  
_

_"We can take him to North's!" Jack shouted as he took off after the rabbit.  
_

_Bunny laughed._

Pitch sighed. _"Oh for darkness's sake!"_ he muttered. "I'm not scared of ANYTHING!"

Still, no matter how many times that he said it, he had a feeling that it would never make a dent in the opinions of the writers of Fanfiction. com.

He sighed and began to read again.

_After Pitch had run off, it took him a while to notice he went the wrong way. The realization came when he noticed that he was in the part of the woods he had never been to._

_He sighed and ran under a tree, trying to escape the rain._

_CRRAACCKK!  
_

_Pitch began to shake again. He hated the thunder for some hated it, it annoyed him, and he got really freaked out every time he heard the sound of thunder. He sighed. The Nightmare King, afraid of thunder. Ha ha ha._

_He sat and curled his arms around his legs, figuring he'd just wait out the storm like he always did. No problem!_

_Another boom crackled though the air and he tightened his grip around himself, shaking even more. "I am so. . ." he paused, then let out an irritated sigh. "I am so pathetic!"  
_

_A hand touched his shoulder, making him jump. "Ahh!" His eyes were wide._

_"Hey! Hey!" said a voice he recognized and filled him with hate and loathing. "It's okay! Geez, I'm not going to hurt you."_

_Pitch snorted silently._

_"And you are not pathetic. Many people don't like thunder." Jack said, smiling at him. Bunny came hopping up behind him and Pitch's irritation flared. _

_"So, you found him, did you Frostbite?"_

_Jack nodded happily. "Yep!"_

_Pitch shook his head at Jack's enthusiasm. "Jack-"  
_

_BOOOOM!_

_Pitch flinched again. He growled and tried to scramble up from his curled-up position. Anything to get away from the Guardians. He would even walk through thunder and lightning-  
_

_As if to hinder him, the sky split open once more and a downpour pelted him the the two younger spirits. "Fantastic."_

_"Hey, wait!" Jack said, grabbing the dark man's arm and helping him up. "Pitch, why don't you come with us to North's workshop?"_

_He stopped, looking the young boy in the cobalt eyes. Had Jack gone insane? The boy was either very very stupid or very very gullible. Maybe both. "Why would I go there?"_

_Bunny smirked. "Mate, the place you call home is a **hole in the ground****,** and it's probably all wet inside by now. Besides, I doubt you would want to stay in a place where's its wet and storming for the next week or so."_

_Storming? For a whole **week?! **__That would be torture._

_ Pitch sighed. "Has your mind__ suffered from a complete brain-freeze? I am the Nightmare King! I **hate** you Guardians! Besides, I doubt it would be natural if I were to be so. . . near the Guardians."_

_The smile on Jack's face drooped. "Pitch, come on. That was in the past! Besides, you really don't seem to like thunder. We may be immortal," he gestured to Bunny and Pitch. "but we **can** catch colds. Being out in the rain any longer could guarantee you one_. _Trust me. I know these things."  
_

_"You are on thin ice, Frost." the Boogeyman growled.  
_

_Bunny chuckled. "Don't bother trying to say no, Pitch. The little bugger doesn't listen to me either."_

_CRRRAA-BOOM!_

_Pitch jumped back, bumping into Jack and then flinched away from them._

_Bunny opened a tunnel leading to North's workshop and Jack grabbed Pitch's arm. "Well, let's go!"_

_Another strike of thunder went off before they jumped into the tunnel causing Pitch cringe again and wrap his arm around Jack's._

_Bunny chuckled. The two were practically hugging now._

Pitch sighed. He was never, _ever,_ going to live any of this down.

"Next chapter," he muttered.

_"So you brought Pitch here because he not like thunder?" _

_North was looking at Bunny and Jack like they had just grown two heads. _

_"Yes!" Jack said. "We felt bad for him because you know his little home/hide out/spot/thingy is probably filled with water! Plus, it's going to storm there for a while and Pitch didn't really seem to like the thunder." Jack smiled, proud of himself for being what he thought was kind. North just stared._

_Tooth looked at Pitch, who avoided everyone's eyes, then at Jack then back to Pitch. "Well... Umm...Pitch," she said, trying to think of something that would get her out of this conversation and so she said the first thing that popped into her head. "How about a change of clothes?"_

_Pitch turned his head to give Tooth a questioning look, then she gestured down at his soaking robes. "I mean, you're all wet and-"  
_

_"That is great idea!" North said, latching on to Tooth's idea. "Pitch, you go with Tooth to find pair of dry clothes! You are dripping wet on floor!" North strode over to the tall man and fairy and pushed them out the door, saying,"Try storage room! Pair of clothes that might fit Pitch should be in there."_

_Before Pitch or Tooth could object, they were shunted towards the door, thrust through, and stared in surprise as the door clicked behind them.  
_

_"Now Bunny, Jack, we need to chat."  
_

Pitch groaned. "Oh great. I can see what's coming next."

_Tooth looked beside her at Pitch and said nervously, "Umm..."_

_"Yes?" Pitch asked, trying to avoid her eyes. He didn't want to see the pity that he was sure was in them.  
_

_"What size of clothes are you?" Tooth blurted, figuring she might as well get this awkward moment o__ver with__.  
_

_"I ...don't know." Pitch confessed. He'd never before needed to know.  
_

_"Oh. Then, maybe we could guess what size?" Tooth suggested, giving him the best smile she could muster at the moment._

_Pitch just nodded and they set off._

_"Here we are!" Tooth said, stopping in front of a big, wooden door that led into a dark big room. She went inside and pulled a string that hung from the ceiling, causing light to fill the room._

_Tons of boxes lined the shelf and floors._

_"Well come on..." Tooth motioned him to come in._

_"OK..." He walked inside and stood awkwardly next to a pile of books while Tooth began to shuffle through some baskets._

Pitch groaned again. "Here it comes!"

_North and Jack and Bunny had been talking for twenty minutes_

_Finally North threw up his hands. "Alright! I will let Pitch stay here." he conceded. Jack fist-pumped and Bunny beamed. _

_"I knew you'd see it our way mate!"_

_"But," North interrupted. "if something happens. . . I will kick him out and tan both of your hides!"_

_Jack laughed, happy that he and Bunny won the argument, ignoring the threat._

_"What's taking them so long? Bunny wondered aloud. "Maybe Tooth does know where the storag-.."_

_A sharp, high-pitched scream suddenly filled the halls, alerting everyone to trouble. All three guardians instantly bolted through the doors and toward where the sound was coming from._

_They stopped at a slightly open big wooden door and Bunny glanced at North."The storage room?" he asked, giving North the evil eye. _

_"Uhhhh..." North said, looked away._

_The three held their breath and looked inside._

"Oh no oh no oh no _oh NO_!"

_Jack busted out laughing as soon they entered the room._

_Tooth was up in the air looking fearfully __down on a__ half-naked Pitch with the sleeves of his black robe thankfully tied around his waist loosely who was on the floor, trying to catch a spider that seemed like it didn't want to be caught. Bunny and North chuckled._

_"Get it! Put it somewhere else! Please!" Tooth squeaked, backing up farther and farther against the ceiling.  
_

_Pitch finally caught it by cornering it and held it up, "It's a daddy long leg. It won't hurt you."_

_"A spider is a spider and spiders are CREEPY!" Tooth declared, flying a little higher and just brushing the ceiling with the tallest feather on her head._

_"Ummm...What happened here?" Jack asked grinning._

_"A spider fell out of my shirt sleeve and," Pitch spared a moment to shoot the distressed fairy a sharp-toothed smile. "Mrs. Fairy here freaked out."_

_Tooth pursed her lips. "I did not **freak out**!" she snapped, choosing to ignore his pointy, yellow teeth.  
_

_"Then why did you scream?" Pitch asked, looking up at her._

_"Urrgh!" Tooth said, blowing out a sharp breath through her nose. "I'm going to my Tooth palace! My girls are probably wondering where I am!" and with that, Tooth swooped down towards the door and Bunny and North quickly stepped out of her way, lest they get pummeled by the fairy-woman. Unfortunately, North wasn't fast enough and Tooth slammed into him, causing Jack to laugh again._

_Tooth ignored the others, shook herself, and took off like a blur of lightning down the hall. _

_North blinked, then sighed. "Toothy is not liking spiders." _

_"I noticed." Pitch said. _

_"Ah, and she took dry shirt with her." North continued. "But d__o not worry," he said, __patting Pitch's shoulder and nearly knocking him down. "I will let you borrow one of my smaller shirts."_

_Pitch nodded and then he glanced at the spider in his palm. "Can I keep him with me until I can set him free?" he asked tentatively, not meeting North's eyes.  
_

_North blinked."Why would you want to keep spider?"_

_"Yeah, I doubt you have anything to feed it." Bunny added. "We **are** in the North Pole, mate."  
_

_"Oh, I just really like spiders." Pitch said, looking down at the creature. Then, he had an idea. "Bunny, could you set it free in your Warren or somewhere near it?"_

_Bunny was about to say no, but then Pitch did something unexpected. He pulled out the puppy eyes._

_Jack sniggered, but he knew that Bunny wouldn't refuse him. He could never refuse anyone, even Jack himself, that pulled the puppy eyes._

_"Ughhhh," Bunny grumbled. "Fine."_

_Pitch's face split into a wide, grateful smile and he handed the spider to Bunny, who took it hesitantly._

Pitch Black sighed. "Did she _have _to write the part about me being half-_naked?!__" _he demanded of no one in particular.

_After a while North managed to find a decent enough shirt for Pitch and Bunny had set the spider loose near his Warren._

_Sandy stopped by later and was surprised to see Pitch there, but when Jack had explained everything to him he seemed okay with it._

Pitch sighed. "Thank goodness it's-" then he noticed that there was another chapter and he groaned.

The next chapter was highly confusing, as were the next few. First he told stories to elves, then he had a nightmare, (which, in real life, wouldn't have happened. One of his nightmares wouldn't _dare _attack him.) he fond out his name, (which was also ridiculous. His Name was, had been and will awlaye be Pitch Black.) and apparently one of his old Fearlings manifested itself into a body.

Odd.

When Pitch was done, he leaned back against the cough and smiled.

"This is one of the oddest stories I have ever read." he decided. "then again," he added, his smile turning into a smirk. "Every single story from this site is pretty odd."

"You can say that again!" said a voice beside him.

Pitch didn't even jump. He'd gotten used to Abby's voice popping up in random times by now.

"Hello Abby." was all he said.

"Aww, I dinee scear yea?" Abby said in what Pitch assumed was a false Scottish accent.

"That is the most horrible accent I have ever heard." Pitch replied, closing his eyes.

"But. . . Fanty says my accents rule!" Abby said, losing a bit of her pride.

_"Fanty_ is sorely mistaken." Pitch said flatly.

Abby huffed and folded her arms, refusing to speak again until Pitch apologized to her.

"Abby?"

No reply.

"Abby?" Pitch asked again, louder. "Are you even there?"

Nada.

Pitch snorted. "Fine. Be quiet! That's a blessing to me!"

Silence for at least half an hour, then Pitch grunted. Being silent, though it was hard-wired into his nature him being a shadow, was a bit uncomfortable now.

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry." Pitch said exasperatedly.

"That's better." Abby said, puffing her chest out with pride.

_I can't believe I'm being pushed around by a **teenager!**_ Pitch thought, groaning silently.

Abby, using her amazing- and highly annoying -powers of mind-reading, said, "Oh, don't worry about it Pitch. I've bullied people stronger than you around. They deserved it, of course."

"Like. . .?" Pitch asked, curious in spite of himself.

"Meh." Abby said.

"Grrrrrrrr." Pitch Grrrrred.

"What are you, a rottweiler?" Abby demanded, laughing. "If you're going to get pissed at me, Pitch, at least cuss me out or something. Grrrring all the time is making me think you're more than part dog."

Pitch ground his teeth.

"Tooth will have your heeeeead!" Abby said in a sing-song voice.

Pitch self-consciously stopped grinding his teeth, then he remembered how much he hated that flying ball of possessed glitter and all her little mini possessed glitterball-like daughters.

"I couldn't care less!" he declared, glaring at the screen.

Abby sniggered. "Oh _really?"_ she asked teasingly.

"I certainly do not!" Pitch said, turning his head to hide the greyish-red blush on his cheeks, but Abby saw.

"Awww, is Pitchy-poo blushing?" Abby cooed.

"Call me that again and you will be plagued by Nightmares until you die." Pitch retorted flatly.

Abby smirked, and then she gasped.

"What?" Pitch demanded, sick of all this drama.

There was no sound.

"Abby?"

Nada. Zilch. Nothing.

"ABBY!" Pitch yelled, unable to keep the slight amount of worry out of his voice. Can you blame him? He'd shared numerous insults with this girl, and that bonds two people together! "Abby!"

Not a single sound.

Pitch groaned. Great. This was _just_ what he needed! What with all the reading of stories he'd been doing, Abby, Toothiana turning the tables on him regarding the joke, Abby, those three infuriating writers, Abby, and his not having been outside for almost a year, (not to mention Abby,) he had a firm belief that he was being driven quite mad by the fanatic writer-girl and all that had happened since he'd met her.

"ABBY!" he yelled one last time, wishing she would answer him.

_Yes, she certainly is trying to drive me insane._ He thought, standing up, then flopping down on the couch. He couldn't bring himself to leave, just in case she was in trouble.

Suddenly, a very very loud screech erupted from the speakers, blowing Pitch's ears out and making him scramble back. As it turned out, he scrambled back a bit too far and he tipped the couch over, sending it crashing down and sending him sprawling across the floor, where he crashed into a wall and ended up leaning against said wall upside down, his legs flailing, his black robe flopped down to reveal the black leggins underneath.

"I see London, I see France, I see the Boogeyman's underpants!" Abby sang.

Pitch cursed and swore, trying to topple over and roll back to his feet. He did so and when he did, he was still swearing like a fiend.

"WHAT ON EARTH WAS THAT FOR?!" he bellowed, striding over to the computer and sticking his face right in the tiny dot that served as a video-conferencing camera.

Abby, who was watching Pitch from right behind him, sniggered silently, then she braced herself for the torrent of screaming and fury that was sure to follow after she spoke.

"Sorry," she said, not meaning it at all. "I was just so surprised that I had to shriek. I mean, can you blame me? It's just so awesome!"

Pitch narrowed his eyes. "_What_ is so awesome?" he said in a low voice.

"Well," Abby said, then she paused. "Are you messing with me?" she asked. "Because, if you are, that's a very good job."

Pitch was _this _close to tearing at his hair, but he took five deep breaths and retained his composure.

"No, Abby. I am _not_ messing with you."

"Oh. Well. . ." Abby paused again, smiling and Pitch was about to scream a typhoon of curses and "Just tell me!"'s, but Abby resumed before he could.

"Well, you like her, don't you?"

Pitch blinked. "Like _who?"_ he demanded.

"Toothiana, you dork!" Abby said, then she giggle. "You _do!_ I can see you blushing!"

"No, I don't!" Pitch said firmly, but the blush on his cheeks told a different story.

"OM-FREAKING-G! PITCH BLACK, NIGHTMARE KING, LIKES TOOTHIANA, THE TOOTH FAIRY!" Abby squealed, clapping her hands and dancing around her room in glee. "YOU LIKE THE TOOTH FAIRY! YOU LIKE THE TOOTH FAIRY!"

Pitch dropped his head in his hands and groaned. Great. Just _great._

"YOU LIKE THE TOOTH FAIRY! YOU LIKE THE TOOTH FAIRY!"

Pitch gritted his teeth and raised his head, knowing that what he said next would determine the rest of his life.

Or, most likely, his sanity.

"You could say that," he said in the quietest voice possible.

_"YE-ES!_" Abby said, fist-pumping! "Oh _boy,_ I am going to have a lot of fun with this!"

Pitch sighed, then flopped back down on his couch. "_I think I'd rather go insane than spend another minute in this cave, with you._" he muttered.

"Oh, Pitch Pitch Pitch Pitch Pitch Pitch Pitch Pitch _Piiiiiitch,"_ Abby said, stretching the last word. "Remember, I'm a _girl._"

Pitch snorted.

"OK, so the point has been occasionally been debated! So what?" Abby sighed. "My point is, if you actually want to get anywhere with Toothiana, I'm the gal to ask! I can give you a big hand with this kind of thing!"

Pitch raised his eyebrows. "I thought you detested Lovie-dovies?" he asked, puzzled.

"HA! FIFTEEN THOUSAND BUCKS TO ME!" Abby yelled in triumph.

"Lovie-dovies Lovie-dovies Lovie-dovies Lovie-dovies LOVIE-DOVIES!" Pitch retorted, then he realized what he had said. He face-palmed, then he realized what he'd done and groaned. "Oh brother!" he muttered.

Abby sniggered. "OMG, you sound like a ten-year-old." she said sarcastically, smiling. "But seriously Pitch, I do prefer humor to lovie-dovies, but do you really expect me to sit on the side-lines when I get a chance to play match-maker between the Boogeyman and the Tooth Fairy? _HEEEEEELL_ NO!"

Pitch rolled his eyes. "Very well, Abby. What do you suggest?"

Abby's smile, if Pitch could've seen it, would have given him nightmares for ever-after. It was, of course, her I-hold-the-thread-of-your-life-in-my-hands, so-don't-piss-me-off smile, but with an added I-am-insane-and-I-know-it, and an I-am-_so_-going-to-enjoy-driving-you-completely-mad-as-a-bo x-of-Mad-Hatters.


	12. HE SAID YES! HE SAID YES!

**GOOD MOOOOORNIN' FANFICTION. COM!**

**Or, good evening. Whenever I update this.**

**Glad to see people are so interested with my story. A HUNDRED AND FIFTY REVIEWS! It _ASTOUNDS_ ME how much you guys love my work! I'm really really glad that people love this story so much and I appreciate each review I get for it. It seriously means a lot to me.  
**

**While I'm on the subject of the story, I must let you guys know something. I really have _no_ idea how this is going to pan out. The story, I mean. The plot line- if there is such a thing for this story -is really really tangled and it'll take a bunch more reviews and some time to straighten it out, so I'd appreciate it if I got at least ten or more in the next week or so.  
**

**But, for now, I think I'll play on the ToothianaxPitch deal. It's very amusing. Oh, and FYI, I'm a HUGE PitchxTooth shipper. It just seems right, some how. Nightmare _king, _Toothiana, _queen _of the Tooth Fairy armies, you know.**

**This chapter had taken for-freaking_-EVER _to write and I sincerely hope that I am taking the right course regarding my almost none-existent plot. I'd like some ideas if anyone wants to surrender some. . .?**

**Again, I appreciate all of these amazing reviews and I'm so glad that you all are reading my story. Thank you.**

* * *

"No!" said Pitch Black, the Nightmare King. "Absolutely not! No no no no no no no no _NO!_"

"It's just a _suggestion!"_ Abby said defensively. "You don't _have_ to take my advice-"

"I don't plan to!" Pitch said, standing up and walking over to the flat, open area of his living room where he began to pace. "The idea is patently _ridiculous!_"

Several minutes ago, after Pitch's confession of his undying love for Toothiana- Actually, undying love might be a bit strong. _Profuse fascination_ might be more accurate. Anyway, after he'd told her about how much he'd liked Tooth, the esteemed fanfiction writer Mystichawk had suggested a perfectly reasonable plan to the Nightmare King.

"There's this story on about you and Tooth. It's called Darkness and Memories. It is so freaking good! I cried all the way through it, it was so well-written."

"And what does this have to do with-"

"I'm getting there! Anyway, the story is complete and incredibly well-written. My plan is this: I send the story to Tooth, she reads it, realizes how compassionate/kind/hot/awesome you are-"

"Did you just say hot?"

"And BAM! She shall instantly fall for thee!"

"Who says_ thee_ anymore? Even _I_ don't say thee anymore."

"It's a brilliant plan! Completely foolproof! She'll realize that you're not just a tall, creepy guy with weird hair in a man-dress-"

"ROBE!"

"Robe, and see the real you! _Whoever that might be_-"

"I heard that!"

"You were meant to. Oh, and if you two get married, I _so_ call being the flower-girl and Fanty, Drago and Star can be the bridesmaids. AND I order you to have Jack Frost and Bunny and Sandy be the groomsmen."

"I- that's-"

"That's an order, booger."

Unfortunately, Pitch- apparently being a fool and not sharing her enthusiasm, had stated that it was beneath his dignity to do such a thing, though Mystichawk didn't understand why it would be considered undignified. It was nothing less than sending a love-note. Still, he chose to disregard her brilliant idea and refuse her help, to which Abby replied in kind with the most logical gesture; She gave him the finger.

OK, it might not be _that_ logical, seeing as how he couldn't see her, but it was her favorite gesture to use when people were annoying her.

Realizing her middle finger's lack of affect, Abby re-thought her reply and instead blew a loud raspberry at the screen. There. He could at least _hear_ that!

"Oh, _that's_ charming." Pitch said dryly.

Abby blew another raspberry and finished off with a loud fart.

Pitch wrinkled his nose. "That is _disgusting."_ he said plainly.

"Hey, I'm a kid! What'd you expect?" Abby asked, smirking. "I'd say _excuse me_ every time I burp, fart or blow an RB?" Pitch rolled his eyes and Abby snickered. "Anyway, my idea isn't _that_ bad!"

Pitch glared pointedly at her. "It means completely turning my back on my principles!" he said, sounding even more disgusted that when she'd blown the aforementioned RB. "I simply will _not_ do it!"

Abby shrugged. "Whatever." then she smirked, adding innocently, "Tooth'll probably end up dating Jack and you'll end up brooding under some poor kid's bed. If they start dating and get married, then I'll be _their_ flower-girl."

_"Excuse me?" _Pitch said, raising both eyebrows.

"You heard me."

Pitch rolled his eyes. "Abby, I have no intention of _ending up brooding under some poor kid's bed, _as you put it. As for the flower-girl thing, you can absolutely forget it! If things go awry, well," he shuffled uncomfortably.

"You'll end up brooding under a kid's bed." Abby finished.

Pitch sighed. "Ugh! You are _insufferable!_" he growled, leaning against a cool wall and closing his eyes. His sanity was being _severely_ tested by this conversation.

"Oh wow, Pitch! Thank you so much!" Abby said with mock sincerity, clasping her hands and grinning "That's a huge compliment, coming from you."

Pitch let out another long-suffering sigh. "Abby," he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "That _wasn't _a compliment."

"Meh." Abby mehed. "Even if it wasn't, I'm still taking it that way. Now, do you want to get with the tooth fairy or not?"

Pitch's eyes snapped open and he felt a blush creep into his cheeks. "I- I don't-"

"Oh yeah, that's right. You're just trying to get her to _notice you. _Not thinking that far ahead yet, eh Pitch?"

Pitch growled, then closed his eyes once more and clenched his fists. He would _not_ scream or swear. He was the Boogeyman! He would not be bested by-

_Oh just give it up,_ his mind told him. _You'll never win._

Pitch sighed. It was true. In a battle of verbal abuse with Abby, he would _never_ win. She was just too much! This girl had _no_ tact! _No_ sense of decorum! She just said whatever popped into her head and laughed if it made him blush, scream or swear. She just didn't care if it made him scream or blush or even _cry! _Not that he would do something so undignified in front of a human. Absolutely not!

Then again, he reflected, that was one of the reasons he'd been drawn to the maniac writer.

When she'd first contacted him, he'd thought she was just simply insane. He still thought she was insane of course, but now he knew it was more than that. He knew that she wrote because she didn't have anything better to do, and he knew that she viewed him as a friend. A friend that she abused verbally and blackmailed, but a friend none-the-less.

"Uh, Pitch? You awake?"

Pitch snapped out of his thoughts and opened his eyes, staring at the screen. "Yes, I'm awake. I was just thinking about-"

"If it has to do with Tooth then I don't want to know!" Abby said quickly. "You're a guy- well, as close as you can be while being a Fear spirit, I get that, but I _really_ don't want to hear about your weird fantasies about Tooth _thank you very much!"_

"ABBY!" Pitch exclaimed, partly from indignation and partly from surprise. "I-"

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT, PITCH!" Abby interrupted loudly. Then she started singing Tik Tok very loudly and off-key to drown out whatever he was trying to say.

Pitch tried to interrupt a few times but Abby just started singing louder and louder, so eventually he gave up and back down on his black couch folding his arms and waiting for her to stop for breath or tire of this stupid game so that he could talk to her sensibly.

Pitch sighed. "If you're done having your meltdown," he said slowly and calmly. He sounded like the perfect patient friend but in reality, he was trying to keep from screaming at her. "I would like to explain that I was thinking about something totally separate from our discussion."

Abby blinked. "Oh. WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING?!"

Pitch made a sound like an irritated trumpet and Abby laughed.

"Hey, I can do that too!" and she did a fairly creditable air-trumpet rendition of 'Please don't stop the music.'

"What on earth was that?" Pitch asked, leaning as far away from the screen as possible.

"That was me doing Please Don't Stop The Music, AIR-TRUMPET STYLE!" Abby said happily, fist-pumping with both arms.

"It sounded like an ill hippopotamus passing wind." Pitch said dryly.

"Huh. And you know what that sounds like... why?" Abby asked arching her eyebrow.

"I don't _really_ know what that sounds like," Pitch said through gritted teeth. "It's just an expression."

"I thought it was a sound," Abby replied innocently.

"Well yes, it is a sound," Pitch admitted. "But the phrase 'sounded like' is an expression that means _is akin to-_"

"Wait, so Hippopotamuses are _related_ to _trumpets?_ COOL!" Abby said, clapping her hands excitedly.

"No, that's not-" Pitch said, then he sighed. "You know what? Forget it. It is impossible trying to argue with you."

_"Damn_ right!" Abby said, fist-pumping one more time. "Now, on to the business at hand. Do you want my help or not?"

Pitch started to say something, But Abby held up her hand. "I know, my first idea doesn't suite your lack-of dignity, but that wasn't what I was talking about."

Pitch sighed. "Do go on."

"I will. Anyway, if you don't want me sending Tooth a story about how sappy you two will be if you end up together, then why don't I just ask her myself?"

Pitch blinked. "Pardon me?"

"You heard me." Abby said. "I talk to them- her, and ask her what she really thinks about you! It would be great material! You could even watch! I'll splice in the video cable and sync the audio."

Pitch didn't understand the technical jargon, but he did understand the _'I'll talk to her'_ bit. "You would- you would really do that?" he asked, unsure if this was _another _one of Abby's endless jokes.

"Would do that for you? I _will _do that for you!" Abby said, smiling. "Not only would it provide awesome material for my story, which is lagging behind in reviews," she paused and smiled warmly at the screen. "but it would be really cool too."

Pitch blinked. "Why cool?"

"Because it would be like talking up your best friend to a girl you know. It's something almost every teen gets to do." Abby explained. "One of your friends confides that they like your other friend, and then they ask you to talk them up to said friend. Tell them how cool they are, how much stuff they have, the usual. Every teen gets to do this at least once in their lifetime. Playing matchmaker." Abby paused for a second, then she said, "Every teen, that is, except me. I never had more than one friend at a time, so I couldn't do it you see."

Pitch stared at the screen. Abby's voice had gradually grown softer and less excited, turning flat and unfeeling and when she said the last few words, she sounded almost sad. He blinked. Was this really Abby? The girl who had been laughing _uproariously_ only a few minutes ago about _Hippo farts? _And why was she suddenly opening up about herself, when she'd gone on and on about privacy and things like that for weeks?

"But now I _do_ get to do it!" Abby said, interrupting his thoughts. She almost sounded like herself again, happy and completely unfazed by anything or anyone. "I finally get to help a friend! It's awesome! Is there anything you want me to say to her, specifically?"

Pitch coughed. "No, I'm sure that you can think of plenty of things to say to her. You have free reign in that department."

Then he realized what he'd just said and he added, "But nothing bad! Nothing embarrassing, nothing..."

"Nothing you wouldn't say yourself?"

"Yes." Pitch agreed. "Nothing I wouldn't say myself."

"Alright. No problem." Abby assured him. "Besides, telling you how utterly boring and unfeeling you are rather defeats the purpose of talking you up."

Pitch had to admit that it did.

"So, when do you want me do go?" Abby asked.

Pitch shrugged. "The time doesn't matter much."

It didn't, really. Pitch didn't care about _when _Abby spoke to Toothiana. He was more interested in what Abby would ask and, more importantly, what Tooth would say. Yes, he was a little worried about what Abby would say, but not too worried. Abby was rude, insolent, insulting, unfeeling, indifferent, disgusting, annoying, infuriating and sometimes downright _evil, _but he trusted her.

And that was something that he hadn't done for a long, long time.

"Fab!" Abby said. "Well, I've got a few things to do, so why don't you read that last story and I'll call you when I'm ready?"

Pitch blinked. "Last story?"

Abby laughed. "Yes, you dumbo! I _said_ there were five stories, didn't I?"

Pitch checked the email. "So there is. And please don't call me Dumbo. I have a sneaking suspicion it's something incredibly diminutive and insulting."

"Dumbo is an elephant in a Disney cartoon with ears big enough to fly." Abby replied. "Would you prefer me to go back to Boogey-wonderman?"

"NO!"

"Then deal, _Dumbo."_

Pitch clenched his fists and inadvertently cracked all his knuckles.

"That's cool!" Abby exclaimed. "I can only crack six of my fingers and a toe."

"Don't you have something else to be doing?" Pitch asked testily. His sanity was hanging by a thread. One more smart-mouth comment would send him over the deep end!

"Yes, yes I do." Abby replied. "See ya later Pitch!"

And she was gone. There was one blip, then she was gone.

Pitch sighed with relief, tipping himself sideways and falling onto his side with a moan of pleasure. "Oh thank darkness! She's GONE!"

"I heard that!"

Pitch cracked open an eye. "You were supposed to."

"Ha ha he he tookie tookie."

Pitch smiled and lifted his feet up until they were resting on the other arm of the couch. Then he reached out his hand and pulled his laptop over to him, lifting it up gently and laying it over his chest. He picked up the mouse while steadying the laptop with his other hand and slid it over the smooth material of the couch. The cursor moved two inches, then Pitch scrolled slowly down and began to read the last part of the email.

_Hello Pitch. Presumably you are still reading this, although you probably had to take a breather after that last story. _

"Too true," Pitch murmured.

_This is Sanderson, by the way._

Pitch blinked. Sanderson?

_Yes, Sanderson. No doubt you're surprised to finally hear from me.  
_

Pitch blinked again. "So he's a mind-reader now?" he said skeptically.

_I said I'd write again later, didn't I? Well, unless you scrolled straight down from my last note, it's later. I also promised to show you my favorite story currently and so I will, as soon as this little note is over. _

Pitch sighed and contemplated skipping the rest of the note, even if it was only three lines, but curiosity wore out and he sighed, continuing to read.

_The fact is, Pitch, I'm a little concerned about your health._

Pitch raised an eyebrow. "My... health?"

_Yes, your health._ _I mean, honestly, if you have to resort to something like this to get your power back then I'm seriously worried about you._

Pitch honestly had no idea what Sanderson was talking about. Resort to something like what?

_After writing that last sentence I just realized that you probably have no idea what I'm talking about, so I'm just going to let you see for yourself. Enjoy the story! _

Pitch was too confused to ask any more questions, so he just decided to forget about trying to figure out Sanderson's cryptic message and scrolled down to read the next story.

_It was a quiet night in the small town of Burgess, all the little children where ending just their games and hurrying back home before it got too dark, not wanting to get in trouble by their parents for missing their curfew._

Pitch snorted. Curfew. Who ever heard of little children ever keeping to their curfews.

_All but one child, who was in no hurry at all to get back so long as she made sure to be home just a little bit after it was dark._

_Tessa Williams was ten years old, and relatively new to Burgess. It was about three days before Christmas after tonight, so that meant she had moved there with her mother and her boyfriend James about two and a half months ago. It was a nice little town, everyone that lived there was very kind and they'd always say good morning to her when she'd be on her way to school._

_She also made friends here, and after school or during a snow day, she'd meet up with them and have snow ball fight or go sledding with them. And whenever they had to go home, she would take the long way back through the park because she loved looking at the snow when the moon was full, it always sparkled so beautifully when the soft, pale light shone down on it._

"And they call me a creep for hiding under children's beds," Pitch muttered resentfully. "_He_ keeps an eye on them all night long!"

_She smiled and bent over, scooping up a handful of snow and tossing it over her head, twirling around as she pretended that the glimmering ice crystals that landed in her black hair was magic dust._

_If she ever met Jack Frost, she would have to thank him for bringing the snow every year._

_One of the first friends she made in school, Jamie Bennett, had told her all about the spirit of winter and about the Tooth Fairy, Sandman, The Easter Bunny and Santa Claus; and about how he and his other friends had actually helped to save the children's beliefs in the Guardians last year on Easter._

_Tessa wholeheartedly believed his story, and couldn't imagine not believing in them, especially Santa Claus. Christmas would always be her favorite holiday, and it just wouldn't be Christmas without him._

Pitch had the sudden urge to say, "Take THAT Bunnymund!" he kept his mouth shut, however. He'd already been through enough embarrassments this year. He didn't need his enemies knowing he'd taken one of their sides in one of their pointless feuds.

_Well he, and the other Guardians, wouldn't ever have to worry about being forgotten by her, she would always believe in them._

"Of _course."_ Pitch growled, not liking this story already.

_Tessa soon began to hop down the park path, watching as the powder flew up from under her feet while she sang her favorite Christmas song._

_'Here comes Santa Claus, Here comes Santa,_

_Right down Santa Claus lane, _

Pitch decided to skip reading the rest of the song. He preferred Carol of the Bells. It was the only Christmas song he could stand, and that was only because he could barely discern the words and it went too fast for him to get them stuck in his head. Unlike _Here comes Santa Clause_.  
THAT song got stuck in his head every time he heard it! Even now he was unconsciously singing it under his breath.

"Here comes Santa Clause, here comes- BLAST!"

_She paused when she suddenly noticed that the world around her began to darken. And looking up, she saw that the clouds had surrounded the moon, all except for one spot that made her smile, and stare with wonder when she realized that she was standing in a moonlit spotlight._

_Tessa gave a short gasp when the light beam suddenly moved off of her, stopping directly in front of her and then moving ahead off the path. And after giving a laugh She chased it into the meadow, but stopped when it shone over a large tree that sat atop the hill._

_She could see something dark lying at the trunk, and when the beam began to get bigger and bigger from the clouds dispersing in the sky, she slowly made her way up the hill, a worried look forming across her face when she saw that there was a person, a man, lying down in the cold snow._

_"Hello?" Tessa asked, kneeling down next to them. "Are you alright?"_

_When he didn't answer her, she got even more worried. His skin was an ashy color that was so pale, it made his black hair and cloths look even blacker. How long had he been out here in this weather? Would she be able to help him?_

_She hesitantly reached a hand out to his still figure, "Excuse m-"_

_As soon as she laid her hand on his shoulder, the man suddenly sprang to life and grabbed her by the wrists in a tight grip with his long spindly fingers. It all happened so fast, Tessa couldn't even utter a sound as she stared into his angry and panic filled face._

_"Who are you?!" He snarled in a strained voice. "Where am I?!"_

_"I-I'm Tessa," the little girl stammered. "And we're in the park; I thought you might be hurt…"_

_His yellow eyes seemed to get unfocused, and he bowed his head, groaning in pain. He didn't let go of Tessa's wrists, but their grip loosened up some._

_Swallowing her uncertainty, Tessa gathered up the nerve to say something. "What's your name?"_

_"I'm…Pitch," the man replied, he sounded like he was hurting. "Pitch Black."_

Pitch groaned. "Is this going to be _another_ one about me regaining my powers after being beat within an inch of my life by those Nightmares?_" he demanded of no one in particular. _

_Tessa gave a gasp, her bright blue eyes widening with fright at his words. She had heard about Pitch Black from Jamie too, he was the Boogeyman, she already knew from experience that a Boogeyman was evil and mean, and liked to hurt kids._

_And now the **real** one had her in his clutches!_

Pitch blinked, confused. "Real one? There's only one Boogeyman, besides that undead sack of bugs, and that's me."

_She flinched when he suddenly sat up with a gasp, his frightened eyes darting around the park._

_"They're coming!" he stated in panic, "The Nightmares!"_

_Tessa gave a yelp when he suddenly dropped her, and stumbled a few paces._

_"Got to..get a…way."_

_With that, he fell to the ground completely out cold while Tessa wasted no time scrambling to her feet, fully intent on going back to the path running the whole way back to the safety of her house._

_But then, something made her stop in her tracks, and she gave a concerned glance back at him. Even though she knew that he was the actual Boogeyman, he didn't really seem as evil as the other one…_

_Plus, he seemed scared about the bad dreams he mentioned before, she didn't know that the real Boogeyman could get scared, maybe that meant he wasn't so bad after all._

"Again with that_ real _business. I am the _only_ Boogeyman in this world!" Pitch said, highly peeved that someone would assume that they would know another Boogeyman.

_And he really was was hurt, too. Tessa knew she would feel terrible if she just left him alone like this, what if something really bad happened to him?_

_Deciding that she wouldn't take another step towards home without him, Tessa marched right back over to his side, slinging a limp arm over her shoulders and trying to pull him up._

_But he was too heavy for her, she would need help to get him home._

_Gently put his arm back on the ground, she looked around the area for something she could use._

_Off in the distance, Tessa noticed that there was a bright red plastic snow sled nearby. And as she hurried over to it, she couldn't help but wonder who would just abandon a perfectly good sled. But came to the understanding of the 'why' when she saw that there was a large crack in the middle of the curved front of the sled that went a little ways down._

_She wouldn't want to play with this, but it would serve its purpose of helping her carry Pitch back to her house._

_After she brought the sled close to Pitch's unconscious figure, she maneuvered him, with great difficulty as she would sometimes have to chase the sled down the hill when it was moved, until finally he lay on his back inside it._

_Tessa panted a bit after she accomplished the task, wiping her purple mittens over her forehead, and held off on going home until after she got her breath back._

_But as soon as she felt recovered enough, she grabbed the string on the front of the sled and started to pull. Looking back every once in a while to make sure that the boogeyman hadn't rolled off until she finally made it home._

Pitch leaned back when he'd finished, folding his arms and regarding the screen with an expression of mixed confusion and contempt, but there was also another emotion playing around his face. Around his lips in particular. It was amusement. The idea of a little girl saving him from the Nightmares. It was interesting, if a bit obtuse.

"Just like all of these stories," he said, sighing and scrolling down to read the next chapter.

XXXXXXXXX

"HE SAID YES! HE SAID YES!"

Abby was dancing around her room, giggling hysterically. "HE SAID YES! HE SAID YES!"

"I take it you finally tortured and/or blackmailed Pitch into agreeing to marry you?" a voice that Abby knew all to well came from her doorway.

Abby stopped dancing and flopped down on her bed, laughing. "Don't be silly Star! He's like, _thirty_ in the movie! _Eww! WAY _too old for me."

Star smiled and flopped down on Abby's bed beside her best friend. "But that doesn't stop you from having endless fantasy-dreams about it, right Abracadabra?" she said, rubbing Abby's head mercilessly with her knuckles.

"Ack! Star, _don't!"_ Abby said, trying to wriggle away but Star snaked her thin arm around her best friend's shoulders and held her in place while the other arm noogied her mercilessly. "And my name is ABBY-NORMAL!"

"Whatever, _Abracadabra."_ Star said, noogieing with more vigor.

"STAR!" Abby howled, powerless against her friend's noogie-attack! She thrashed and kicked, but her friend had strong arms and she had her pinned by the shoulders. "STAR! I won't tell you a single thing! I'll tell Drago and Fanty everything, but I'll order them to tell you nothing! You'll be ignorant the rest of your life as to my conversation with the Boogeyman!"

"Fine." Star said, smirking and letting the squirming fanfiction-writer go. "But only because it's you."

Abby straightened up and tried to brush her clothes off in a dignified manner. "That was highly improper, Star."

Star scoffed. "Since when has _that_ stopped me?"

Abby tried to hold a severe look with her friend, pursing her lips and glaring down her glasses like a librarian at a little girl who's just brought in a torn book, but again she failed. Her frown broke and she ended up smiling.

"Alright, alright I'll admit that was fun." she said, raising her hands in surrender and smiling.

"You're damn right." Star said, folding her arms proudly. "Anyway, what's up? He hasn't really said yes, has he?"

Abby laughed. "_As if_. No, he hasn't said yes. Not to me, anyway."

Star's jaw dropped and Abby wondered what she'd said.

"Oh gods," Star gasped. "Not Fanty!"

Abby stared at her friend for several long seconds, processing the words she was hearing, then the memo came through to her brain and she busted up laughing again.

"F- F- _Fanty?!"_ she squeaked, staring at her friend through slitted eyes. She was trying to stop the tears of laughter from pouring down her face but it was highly difficult. And, because she was Abby, her laughing was infectious. Soon Star was laughing too and even the occasional snort passed her lips.

*Hic!* "No, it's not Fanty." Abby said, still chuckling. "Fanty. HA! Actually, it isn't anyone yet."

Star coughed, trying to regain her breath after that coughing fit and peered at her friend. _"Yet?"_

"He just told me how he's had this secret jonesing for Tooth," Abby explained. "I offered to talk him up to her. To help him, if you will. It will make great reading for The Boogerman Tries To Understand Fanfiction!"

_"Jonesing?"_ Star asked, raising her eyebrows.

"OK, more like _lurid fascination_." Abby admitted. "He says he's liked Tooth for a while, which I completely believe, but he's not exactly in much of a position to express his feelings."

"Yeah, I have to agree with you there." Star said. "Him being the Guardian's mortal enemy and all. So, what are you going to do?"

Abby smiled. "Can you go get the others first? When we're all here, then I'll tell you."

Star narrowed her eyes. "You have something up your sleeve, don't you Abby?"

Abby gave her usual evil smile and said, "You know me too well, Star."

Ten minutes later...

"OK, this better be good Abby. I still haven't finished my next chapter!" Fanty grumbled as she sat down on a swivel-chair in the esteemed writer Mystichawk's room.

"Oh, it's good." Abby replied, smiling.

"Are we gonna get a chance to tick off Pitch again? Please say yes, please say yes!" Drago was bouncing up and down on Abby's bed, positively giddy with excitement.

"Not Pitch, no." Abby said, a hint of a smile playing around her lips. "But I have enlisted your help to drive a certain five _someones_ half-insane."

Silence for about five seconds, then the girls exploded with cheering and excited questions. "The Guardians?"

"HELL YEAH!"

"I want Jack Frost, pleasepleaseplease!"

"Can we send them some crossovers?"

"No, no, a Highschool AU!"

"We already did that."

"Please please please? With banana sprinkles and Oreo chunks on top?"

Can you guess who _that_ was?

Abby raised her hands to call for silence. "OK, OK, hold on a blinking second. Firstly, yes Star you can have Jack Frost. I'll mail him to you."

Star almost squealed, then she realized her friend was kidding and she folded her arms and glowered. "Not funny."

"Secondly, we _all_ are going to get a chance to bug each of the Guardians, but I want an extra-long time with Toothiana." Abby said.

"Why? Gonna tell her that Pitch is yours and you won't _ever_ let him go?" Fanty said, smirking.

"Nope." Abby said with a straight face. "I'm going to try and get her to date the Boogeyman." she paused, then amended, "Or some kind of reasonable facsimile of dating."

The girls all fell silent. They were staring at her like she had just declared that Bunnies were native to Australia.

"What?" she said defensively. "It could happen."

"Yeah, if all the other male spirits in the world, including Jack Frost, had a sudden case of impotency," Fanty muttered.

"FANTY!"

_"What?"_ she demanded. "THAT is the only way on earth that Tooth would date the Boogeyman."

"I have hope!" Drago declared suddenly. "If _I_ can get Pitch to go to the theater with the Guardians, then _you_ can get the Boogeyman to date Toothiana."

"Here here!" the other girls cheered, raising their fists and fist-pumping as one.

Abby beamed, glad she had so many amazing friends.

"You know," she said after a few minutes of cheering. Drago and Star instantly quieted down and Fanty let out one last, "Oh YEAH!" before also falling silent. They looked at her expectantly. "There are plenty of lovely stories about the other guardians. Crossovers, regular stories, _lovie-dovie stories,"_

The other girls began to squeal and Fanty started biting her nails.

"And I would _deeply_ enjoy seeing the expressions on their faces when they hear them."

"So would I." Drago said, smiling. "Especially that one with Pitch and North. What was it called?"

"Midnight Sun." Star said promptly. "By Windlion."

Fanty stopped biting her nails long enough to stare in wonder at Star. _"How, _in the name of Frond, do you _remember _stuff like that?"

Star just shrugged. "Meh. It's a gift." she said simply.

Fanty smiled. "Pretty damn cool gift."

"You're telling me!" Abby exclaimed, laughing. "My memory's getting worse and worse, though I still remember the name of every harry potter character and every awesome author I've ever read."

"That's because you're a freak of nature, Abby." Drago said, clapping Abby on the back. "Then again, aren't we all?"

Three... two... one-

"HELL YEAH!" The girls shouted together. Then they lapsed into hapless giggles.

"Oh boy, this never gets old." Star said, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Never." the others agreed.

They chatted about other things for a while after that, like how and why Legend of Korra stunk and how stupid Star's new boyfriend was. Apparently he didn't like being woken up in the dead middle of the night by Star screaming "Twelve O'clock and all's well!"

"I mean, who doesn't like _that?_" Star demanded.

Abby Drago and Fanty all shared a look. The look said, _this girl has no idea how insane she is._

Obviously not.

"Well, not that this isn't funnier than a barrel of monkeys with dynamite, but I suppose that I should start getting ready for our little visitation." Abby said, breaking the almost but not quite awkward silence. "If you guys want to bring anything along, story material, jokes, whatever, by all means do so."

"Awesome!" Drago said, fist-pumping with vigor. "I can't wait to embarrass Bunny within an inch of his life!"

"Just so long as-" Star added, holding up her finger.

"We know," The other three said, rolling their eyes at one another. "You get Jack Frost."

Star folded her arms. "Damn right!"

Abby jumped off the bed and slid into the very comfy black swivel-chair, turning to face her blank screen.

"Wakey-wakey big mama,' she said, patting her computer screen lovingly. With a whir and a hum that made Abby close her eyes and smile happily, the computer began to re-boot and come alive.

"You talk to your computer?" Star asked, blinking at her friend with very worried eyes.

"Yep." Abby replied. "_Who's my great, awesome girl? Come on, come on!"_

Star shivered and turned away from her friend, heading towards the door. "That's just weird."

All the other girls froze in what they were doing, which was rebooting her computer, looking for candy under Abby's pillow, (Fanty) and listing off reasons why Loki wasn't anywhere _near_ as hot as Pitch (Drago). They all turned to look at Star.

"What?" She said defensively. "It is!"

Fanty shared a look with Abby and set down the candy she'd found, then she smoothed her shirt down and walked over to Star. Star took a step back, grinning nervously.

"Star, honey," Fanty said, putting her arms around her friend's shoulder. "In case you haven't noticed, NOTHING we do is exactly sane or normal. Abby talks to her computers, I fantasize about Pitch Black, Drago writes about the Boogeyman going to Broadway shows... and you, my dear girl," Fanty paused and smiled one of her more evil smiles, learned courtesy of Abby. "You name your tutus."

Star blushed. "That's different!"

"How is it different?" Fanty asked, quoting one of Abby's favorite old movies, Strictly Ballroom. "You're just like the rest of them! You think you're different, but you're not, because you're just, you're just really scared! You're really scared to give someone new a go, because you think, you know, they might just be better than you are! Well, you're just pathetic, and you're gutless. You're a gutless wonder! Vivir con miedo, es como vivir a medias!"

The other girls stared at Fanty, surprised she'd pop off like that, especial to Star!

Silence... for the longest time...

Then Star opened her mouth and, instead of cursing Fanty out, said, "Fanty, you _know_ I don't speak Spanish."

That broke the spell. All the girls began to laugh their asses off, not the least of which was Abby, howling in her swivel-chair and banging the keyboard in mirth.

"Oh brother, I'm sorry Abby." Star said, wiping her eyes after the laugh-riot was over. "I guess we _are_ a bit weird."

"That's right!" Abby said, standing up and hugging Star. Fanty joined in and Drago bellowed, "GROUP HUG!" before she, too joined the hug-pile. Of course _joined,_ meaning _almost knocked over_ in her excitement.

"OI!"Abby shouted, trying to disentangle herself from the pile of rolling girls. "Mind my furniture!"

No one paid her any attention and soon Abby forgot about her furniture. She was having just as much fun as the others. The girls were all laughing, screaming, giggling and somewhere along the road one of them began to tickle another, so that was quickly picked up and all the girls began to tickle and laugh, giggle and scream with mirth. It was hilarious! All the tension of before was dissolved into a bubbling mass of humor and joy.

Abby tickled with a mad joy, Fanty dodged and went for Drago's wrists, her one weak spot. Drago squealed like a baby and rolled over, inadvertently exposing her back and shoulders, so Fanty went for that, tickling wildly.

"HAH! That's not tickling!" Star yelled, diving into the tickle-war and targeting Fanty's exposed midriff. Fanty nearly wizzed herself.

"HEY! WHY- HA HA HA! Why are you picking ON ME?!"

"You're closest." Star replied, jabbing her fingers into Fanty's stomach.

"That's great!" Fanty squeaked from somewhere within the hug-pile. "OK, we love each other. NOT GET THE BLEEP OFF ME BEFORE I START TOSSING YOU GUYS LIKE FOOTBALLS!"

Abby and Star squealed and wriggled out of the pile of bodies, leaving Drago and Fanty gasping on the floor, laughing.

"Oh gods, It's been _years_ since I instigated a proper dog-pile." Drago said, untangling herself from Fanty and accepting Star's hand up. Fanty rolled over onto her back and took Abby's offered hands as well and soon the two girls were on their feet, chuckling.

"I haven't been in a dog-pile in years." Star confessed.

"Only child." Abby added. "Never had enough family for a dog-pile."

Fanty shrugged, still chuckling. "I had plenty of dog-piles this year, " She admitted. "But they weren't exactly of _this_ nature."

Abby made kissy kissy motions behind Fanty's back and Star said, "Ooooh, Fanty's a _bad girl_!" behind her hand.

"THAT'S RIGHT!" Fanty bellowed, grabbing the back of Star's blue tank-top and noogieing her hair mercilessly.

"HEY! Not the hair!" Star pleaded, trying to squirm out of her friend's grasp.

"You're lucky I don't loogie in your precious hair," Fanty said, continuing to rub and mussing it beyond repair.

Star shrieked and fought wildly against her friend, screaming and squealing. "NO! NO, please, not a _LOOGIE_!"

Abby collapsed on her bed, laughing and giggling. "Oh gods, you two are priceless!"

Drago soon followed her, plonking- there is no other word for it -_plonking_ down beside Abby and leaning against her shoulder, laughing. "Aren't they just?" she agreed, smiling. If she and Star were fraternal twins, then Fanty was their mother in a different life. They were both so much alike it was scary!

"OK,' Abby said, wiping her nose. "As amusing as this is, I need to prepare for my visitation with the Guardians." The girls nodded, but none of them moved. "Which is code for BUGGER OFF!" Abby yelled, playfully shoving her friends towards the door.

"WHY?" Star and Drag whined.

"Because!" Abby retorted.

Their expressions shifted from annoyance and pouting to bright happiness instantly. "OK!" They said brightly, bouncing up and heading for the door.

Abby gave Drago a mock-stern look and she hunched her shoulders in defeat.

"OK, OK, I'm going!" she muttered grumpily, also heading towards the door. As she passed Star could see there was a smile playing around her lips.

"You'll call us when you're ready?" Star asked, turning around to face Abby.

Abby smiled and winked at her friends. "Count on it."

Star nodded and headed off to her room.

"Is there gonna be food?" Drago asked in a theatrically grouchy tone.

"Only if you bring it." Abby replied.

"Hmph." Drago grunted, sauntering down the hall to her room with heavy footfalls that Abby was sure was waking up every tenant in the building.

Finally only Fanty was left. Abby turned around to look at her friend, but she was gone.

"Uh... Fanty?" Abby asked uncertainly, wondering if her friend had just gone back to her room without saying goodbye.

"In here!" Fanty's voice came from right behind her and Abby jumped, whirling around to face what she thought was an empty room, but it wasn't. Fanty was sitting on Abby's bed, holding a handful of red and white candies.

"Sorry. Couldn't very well leave without liberating a handful of these beauties!" She said in a mock-sailor accent.

"Hey!" Abby said, reaching for the candy. "Gimme my candy!"

"Possession," Fanty said, popping three candies out of their wrappers and into her mouth. "'Ine 'oints o' da law!"

"Yeah, and those possessions belong to ME! I swiped them from that grouchy old lady in 218 fair and square!" Abby said, lunging at the candy still in Fanty's hand but Fanty moved too quickly, popping all the wrappers and drooling inside of each one, coating the edge of each candy with her slimy red spit.

"EWWWW!" Abby cried, jumping back. "Fine! You can have them!"

"That's what I thought," Fanty said popping another one into her mouth. "Mmm! Divine. You sure you don't want one?" she offered a handful of the slimy mints to Abby and Abby put her hand over her mouth in disgust.

"Eww! Gross!"

"To quote a popular writer," Fanty said, smiling. "Meh."

Abby rolled her eyes.

"Ha ha." she said, standing up and grabbing her friend's shoulder. "Now, I've got some work to finish. Can you bugger off?"

"I can indeed!" Fanty said, springing to her feet and saluting smart-assishly. "Goodbye! Zàijiàn! Vaarwel! Adiaŭ! Au revoir! Namastē! Beannacht! Do svidaniya! Uso wako inaonekana kama Mgongo nyani ya!"

"I _do_ speak Swahili, you goob." Abby retorted, steering her friend out the door. "And it does not!"

"Does so." Fanty said, laughing and running down the hall before Abby could grab her and tickle her again.

Abby sighed and folded her arms. She had some weird friends, but they were much better than any normal friends she could've ever had.

"Now," she said, shutting the door and turning back to her computer-screen. "Let's see what we can do about those cameras in the North Pole."

XXXXXXXXXXX

After North and the Guardians had sent Pitch their email, they had stuck around and talked for a bit. It had been years since they'd just sat down and talked without something really bad happening.

"So, Bunny, did you see that movie about the Easter Bunny a few years ago?" Tooth asked the rabbit, who was sitting with his feet up and stirring a warm cup of carrot juice with a raw carrot.

"Which one?" he replied.

"The one where the fluffy yellow birds try to take over Easter." Tooth clarified.

Bunny's face fell. "Oh. _That_ one." He muttered something that sounded like an Australian curse under his breath. "Yeah, I saw it. Pretty bloody boring if you ask me."

"Oh, I don't know..." Tooth said, swooping down to hover beside him. She had a wicked smile on her face. "That bit where the Easter Bunny popped jellybeans was pretty-"

"OI!" Bunny said, slapping a bit furry paw over the fairy-woman's mouth. "A little discretion, if ya please, ya gumbie! Can't have Frostbite getting any more dirt on me, now that he's my brother." His eyes were wide and fearful, like Tooth had almost divulged a horrid secret- which she had. Not that Bunny really could shit beans. That would be ridiculous! And also highly humorous.

Tooth flew out of Bunny's reach and smiled. "Don't worry, he's too engrossed in his debate with North and Sandy."

Said North and Sandy were having a heated discussion with Jack about the various movies where they had been portrayed.

"That stupid Santa Clause movie!" Jack was raging. "I look more like _Pitch, _with the freaky blue hair and that ridiculous suit, than me! Heck, even Pitch has better dress-sense than that!"

"I am inclined to agree, Jack." North said, folding his arms over his enormous chest. "De man who played me left a lot to be desired."

Sandy made a sand symbol that looked like the continent North America.

North nodded. "Yes, and he vas _American!_ Tell me, what makes more sense? An American Santa Clause, or a Russian Santa Clause?"

Jack nodded. "Russian."

Sandy made a golden furry Russian hat.

"Dat's what I thought." North said stoutly.

Sandy nodded and started ranting about the 1989 Sandman comic. Apparently Sandy had read all the Sandman issues and he had found them to be a gross insult to the ideas of the Sandman.

Luckily for Jack and North, he wasn't really listening to their opinions about the comic- not that they had any. North didn't have time to read comics and Jack didn't have a clue what Sandy was talking about.

Tooth was watching the whole thing and she turned back to Bunnymund with a triumphant smile on her face. "See?" she said, gesturing to the others Guardians. "Now that Sandy's talking about that comic he won't hear anything and North and Jack don't care. Well," she amended, glancing at the frosty teen who was dangling his feet over the back of his high-backed red leather chair, obviously bored. "North won't. He might laugh, but he won't tease you about it."

Bunny humphed. "Sure, that's a huge comfort." he muttered. "At least-"

He was interrupted by a loud female voice, coming from several feet in front of him, in the center of the room. "Testing, testing, one two-two one. Guardians, are you receiving?"

All of the Guardians reacted differently to this voice which came from absolutely nowhere.

Jack froze- pun intended, then he reached for his staff and held it in a defensive stance. He was wondering _Whoisit? IsitPitch? Canwefighthimandthose Nightmaresoff? _and other things like that. He didn't know the answers to any of those questions but he was prepared to defend the pole against any intruders.

Bunny's reaction was to jump up with the reaction-speed of an Olympian and reach for his boomerangs. His thoughts were _itbetternotbethatstinkingrat Pitch! IfheevenlaysahandonJacky'shead, I'mgonnasendhimthroughabrickwall! _His only thoughts were for Jack's safety, and wondering who the heck would've infultrated the pole. No one had the power, aside from Pitch, and they had taken care of him years ago! Hadn't they?

Tooth, who didn't have much weapons-training and never carried any kind of weapon on her person, didn't even bother to jump up or set herself in a defensive stance. If something came at her, she could deal. She was more worried about who it was that whither they were friendly or foe. _ItmightbePitchagain, butitdoesn'tsoundlikehim! Itsoundslikeafemalevoice! Andayoungfemaleatthat! _But why would a female kid be here?

Sandy, who had been incredibly rudely interrupted in his rant about the Sandman comic, floated several (more) inches off the ground and revolved there, searching for the source of his interruption. He was no one. Odd. He rose higher, summoning his dream-sand whips and holding them up, visibly warning anyone hiding in the shadows that, unless they came out, they were going to get a taste of his whips.

Jack looked around, scanning the area. There was no one! No one hiding in the shadows, no one lurking behind them or popping up randomly, throwing insults and barges of Nightmare sand.

"Did we just imagine that?" he asked, lowering his staff slowly and looking at the other Guardians.

Bunny shrugged and Tooth shook her head. "No, it was the voice of a little girl. I heard it!"

"We all heard it." North said. Sandy nodded.

"HEY!" said a loud and also female voice, but not the same one. "That _little girl_ is sitting right here! And look, now you've hurt her feelings!" the voice was accompanied by what sounded like a heard of elephants trumpeting, but in reality was just a certain young writer blowing her nose.

All the Guardians raised their weapons and Bunny started jumping around the room, casting wary eyes on the shadows of Santoff Clausen. "Pitch? You there you shadow-sneaking ratbag?"

Laughter filled the room. It was high-pitched female laughter, not the cold, dark mirth of Pitch Black. It reverberated off the walls and Tooth thought that it sounded happy, but she could also faintly detect an undertone of annoyance. Maybe even hurt.

"You think _I_ sound like Pitch? Seriously Bunny? I think you need to go to the vet for an ear exam."

Bunny growled and crept forwards. "If yer not Pitch, then who are ya? And come out, wherever ya are! We like'ta _see_ visitors."

"Oh, We're perfectly comfy right here, Aster." said yet another voice. This one gave Bunny a chill, and not just because they'd used his first name, but because of the tone of her voice. It was soft and gentle, but there was a note of possessiveness in it that really freaked Bunny out.

"And... vere exactly is _here?"_ North asked, stepping forward.

"My apartment." said the first voice. "There's no way I'm telling you where I am right now, but I think you'll be happy to hear I'm not at the North Pole, nor am I pitch Black, intent on beating the holy shiznit out of you for imprisoning him."

All the Guardians visibly relaxed. All except for Tooth, that is.

"If you're not here and you're not Pitch," she said slowly, as if trying to work it all out in her head before it came out of her mouth. 'Then who are you and how did you get here?"

"How did we _find_ here, Toothie, is the question you should be asking." said the first voice.

"A question which we won't be answering." said another voice.

Tooth blinked. That made... three? No, four! Four voices, all female.

"At least, not now." said the first voice. "What we _will_ do is be polite, girls, and introduce ourselves before we say anything more. My name is Mystickawk, but you can call me-"

"WHOA WHOA, wait a bloody second!" Bunny interrupted, furrowing his eyebrows. "Mystic... _YOU'RE_ the one who sent us those stories!"

"Guilty."

Bunny looked from North, who was staring at the general direction of the disembodied voice with wide eyes, to Tooth and Jack and Sandy. All were smiling widely.

"Well then, sheila," Bunny said slowly, a wide smile creeping across his face. "I think we owe you a bit of thanks, Mystichawk. Those stories were absolutely hilarious!"

"Yeah, they were great." Mystichawk agreed happily. "And please call me Abby. My name is a bit too long for normal conversation."

"Abby then." Bunny amended, silently agreeing with her about her name. "Thank you Abby."

"Hey, what about us?" demanded a pouty voice from the same direction as Abby's.

"Yeah, we helped too!" said another voice.

"Aaaaaand this would be the proper time to introduce you to my friends. May I present Dragoscilvio," Abby said, smiling.

"The name's Drago." added the second voice. "But _you,_ E. Aster Bunnymund," Bunny flinched at the sound of his full name "Can call me _anything_ you want." her words were accompanied by a soft motorboat-like sound and it took Bunny a few seconds to figure out that the noise was the sound of a human purring.

"Drago!" Abby admonished.

_"What?!"_ Drago demanded."First you tell Fanty that _she_ can't purr at the Boogeyman and now you say _I_ can't purr at Bunny? What next? Are you gonna tell Star that s_h_e can't purr at Jack?"

"I don't want anyone purring at me, thank you very much!" Jack said, butting in for the first time.

"Yeah mate, neither do I." Bunny said, shifting his weight. He was more than a little uncomfortable with this situation but he didn't want to show it.

"Awww," another girl said, falling smoothly into a coy and slightly mocking tone. "Don't be like that, Jackie- OW! ABBY!"

"_Star,_" Abby said, most likely talking to the girl who had just spoken and sounding more than a little uncomfortable herself. "NOT what I wanted to discuss!"

"OK OK," the girl called Star relented. Then Jack heard a voice whispering practically in his ear. "Later Jack. We'll talk later."

Jack shuddered and stepped about a foot to the left. _Fangirls._

"Ahem!" Abby cleared her throat. "Anyway, on with the introductions."

"FINALLY!" Another girl's voice exclaimed, making everyone jump. "At last! I get some recognition! Abby, I'm sorry love but you take too long, so I'm just going to introduce myself. Guardians, my name is Fantasy-dreamers244, but that's a bit of a mouthful, so you can just call me Fanty."

North blinked. "Vait, Fanty?" he asked, "As in de writer of Listen to your Heart?"

North heard the sound of a gasp. "Oh, oh my gosh... you read that?! Oh... well this is- hehehe, I'm _so_ embarrassed!"

"Aw Fanty, don't be! It was a great story! And the sequel isn't that bad either!" Abby said.

Everyone's ears perked up. "There's a sequel?" Bunny asked, sounding eager.

"Oh yeah, our girl Fanty here wrote it a good long while ago and she's still working on it." said the girl called Star. They heard and sound of a hand on a shoulder and the other girls cheering and congratulating her in the background.

"Yep!"

"It was awesome!"

"I read it ten times!"

Abby laughed. Bunny thought her voice sounded like bells ringing.

"Hang on a sec," Bunny said, raising his paw. "Can you tell me the name of the sequel? I think I wanna see it."

Bunny heard a sharp squeal and someone squeaking, "He wants to read it! He wants to read it!"

"Oh, now look what you've done," Abby said, laughing again. "You've started her on her squealing-fangirl mode. Give me a sec and I'll get her to calm down."

What followed was about five minutes of fangirl squealing and Abby trying to calm her down. During the five minutes the other Guardians shared amused looks and smiles.

"OK then," Abby said after Fanty had been calmed down. "Let's get this moving along. Chop chop! We have a reason for being here, after all!"

North's ears pricked up. "Indeed," he said. "Interesting. And vhat might that reason be?"

Abby laughed again. North thought it sounded like coins jingling. "So eager." she said teasingly.

North shrugged. "More curious than eager. I vant to know vhy you are here and, more than dat, how you make your voices travel from wherever you are."

Fanty, who had apparently recovered her sense of speech, sighed. "Well North, it's really quite simple. See, there are these things called_ phones._ They transport your voice through huge wires called land-lines underground all over the world! Isn't that cool? It's just like magic!"

"_Fanty_," Abby said, sounding like she was warning her friend. "She's usually not this rude, North.

"Qvite alright." North said, waving his hand. I'm listening."

"Well it's really simple." Abby said nonchalantly. "I used the speakers Bunny set up in Pitch's caves, re-routed them and traced them back here, used your computer as a modem and broadcast your signal. Then my computers picked it up and presto! I have access to your computer, Pitch's, and wherever you set speakers in his caves I have created a corresponding speaker. Figuratively speaking, of course. The speakers are all in one place, but the volume power is the same. It's actually really badass, if you think about it!"

None of the Guardians spoke for several minutes, each trying to work out what the heck Abby had just said. North didn't have a clue and he just nodded politely, waiting if anyone else knew what she'd said.

As it turned out, someone had. Bunny. He'd figured it out five minutes before the others mostly figured it out and when he did he smiled in admiration at the spot where the voices were coming from.

"That's a really good job, Abby." He acknowledged her with a bow of his head. "I'm impressed."

"You all should be!" Star said proudly. "She did this all by herself. Our girl here is a miracle-worker with computers."

"I'm just a humble hacker." Abby replied modestly.

"Call it what you like," Star countered. "You're still a badass."

"I am, aren't I?" Abby sounded thoughtful, as if she couldn't fathom her own brilliance.

"Yes!" agreed all three girls simultaneously.

"Well, you were certainly brilliant with those stories you sent us." Bunny conceded.

"Oh! Oh! How did Pitch react?" Tooth asked, buzzing closer. Her hands were clasped in anticipation and Bunny wondered why she would care, aside from it being barking hilarious!

"Well, he got a little flustered at your note for Hockey Pucks, Tooth." Abby said slowly, relishing in her new powers as information-giver. The ones who always gave information, messengers heralds or even thieves, were the ones in charge. They always told what needed to be told.

"But I think he enjoyed it all the same," Fanty added.

"_Shush_!" Abby ordered.

"What? If anyone's allowed to comment on the mannerisms of the Boogeyman it's me! I spent months inside his head, trying to figure out what made him tick for Listen To Your Heart!"

"Inside the mind of Pitch Black," Drago said, sounding horrified by the prospect. "Brrrr! What a horrible notion! I wouldn't be stuck there for all the books in the Alexandria Library-"

"Hey, shut it will you?" Abby hissed.

North and the other Guardians blinked. Why didn't Abby want her friend saying that?

"Remember _Nightlight_?" Star whispered, just loud enough for Bunny's ears to pick up. "He was stuck-"

"Alright alright I'm sorry." Drago said irritably. "It's just a terrible prospect is all."

"Not to _me_," Abby said with a hint of wistfulness in her voice. "Oh boy, the things I could do, the jokes I could play! I could drive him completely and utterly bonkers and he wouldn't know it!"

The Guardians shared nervous looks. This kid was sounding weirder and weirder with every word she said.

"Ahem." Tooth said, coughing politely.

"Oh, yes." Abby said, seeming to remember who was listening. "Back to business."

"Vhy you are here," North prompted.

"Why we're here." Abby repeated. "We are here, simply put, to talk."

"Just to talk?" Bunny said, surprised.

"Yep!" Drago said happily.

"Well," Abby began, sounding like an announcer on the news. "Firstly, talking to you guys is a much better prospect than doing our homework or anything else we're _supposed_ to be doing, but that's not all to it." Abby paused and the Guardians imagined her smiling. "We've all had a bit of writer's block in our stories these last few days."

"Writer's block!" Star spat. "The curse of the writer!"

"Indeed." Abby agreed. "I, personally, have been trying to make another chapter for my story the Boogeyman Tries to Understand Fanfiction for several weeks but I've either been too busy or my inspiration is on the blink."

"Same here," added Fanty. "I haven't written for a good long while."

"So," Abby continued, "I had an idea. A rather brilliant idea, if I may say so myself. I thought that, _hey, why don't I talk to the characters I writing about? _Maybe they can give me some inspiration by telling us more about themselves!" Abby's voice faded and Bunny smiled.

"Not a bad idea." he said, smiling.

"Thank you." Abby said, smiling back. "And then of course my friends came in and insisted on tagging along."

There were yells of annoyance and irritation from her friends.

"Oi! We did not-"

"You _asked_ us!"

"_Tagging along?!_"

All the Guardians smiled.

"You aren't sisters, are you?" Tooth asked curiously.

The girls stopped fighting and there was silence. Then, one of the girls began to laugh. It might've been Fanty, or even Abby herself. Whoever it was, they started to laugh and soon the other three were laughing. They laughed and laughed, giggling, snorting and making humorous noises that made the Guardians break out in smiles. All except for Tooth, that is. She was frowning and wondering what was so funny.

"What's so funny?" she asked, blinking.

The laughing subsided slowly and the Guardians could hear the sounds of hiccuping from one or more of the girls. "Oh, it's just that-"

"Plenty of people think that we _are_ sisters," Drago interrupted.

"But we're not." Star said sadly.

"Nope. It's just our mannerisms that seem alike." Fanty said.

"It would be badass if we were," Abby mused.

"But we're not." Star repeated.

The Guardians looked at each other, smiling.

"You certainly _do_ sound like sisters." North said, laughing and sounding like his old jolly self.

"We get that a lot," the girls said at the same time.

Sandy, who hadn't given any opinions and hadn't 'said' a word since the girls had appeared and hadn't interjected at all, (except to make a few gestures,) and began to chuckle silently. He was highly intrigued by the prospect of them asking questions about him and his fellow guardians. What would they ask? How would they ask it? There was no way to tell what these girls would do or say.

_I wonder how_ _they expect me to answer,_ he thought, smiling.

"Anyway, what about it?" Abby asked, breaking into his thoughts. "Just a couple questions. Something to help you pass the time and something to give us some helpful hints on what to write next."

The Guardians looked at each other once again, then they looked back and all nodded hesitantly.

"I suppose we can answer a few questions," Bunny said slowly. He wasn't too excited about these questions, but he was also curious. What would they ask?

"Great!" Star said, clapping her hands happily. "I knew you would say yes Bun-bun!"

"We do this in turn," Abby said quickly, if only to avoid listening to Bunny chew Star out for calling him _Bun-bun_. "First me, then Star, then Drago and Fanty. Each of us asks a question to all of you and you guys have to answer. Don't worry," she said quickly, sensing the Guardian's nervousness. "I won't ask anything embarrassing or mean. And neither will my girls, right girls?"

"Nope!"

"Absolutely not!"

"Would we do that?"

The Guardians imagined Abby rolling her eyes, which is exactly what she did. "We won't," she said firmly.

North nodded and said, "Very well." then he sat down and gestured for the others to do the same. "What do you want to know?

Abby smiled her evil smile, not that the Guardians could see it. _That's exactly what I wanted to hear._


	13. Of 2nd Chances, ID crisises & Slenderman

**Hey guys. I'm so glad you liked the last chapter. It was a lot of fun to write and I hope I got everything right, regarding my bestest buds Star, Drago and Fanty. And yes, Fanty, I know you copywrited Boogey-wonderman, but not before that band that did Boogie-wonderland and that means that the name is EVERYONE'S to use! MWUHAHAHAHAHA!**

**He he. Sorry. I love randomly laughing with maniacal glee.**

**Anyway, I'm sorry to all the wonderful reviewers on here, but I don't have enough room to write replies here. If I can, I'll reply and thank you for your review.**

**So, here's the next chapter you've been so happily waiting for. Enjoy!**

* * *

_North nodded and said, "Very well." then he sat down and gestured for the others to do the same. "What do you want to know?_

_Abby smiled her evil smile, not that the Guardians could see it. That's exactly what I wanted to hear._

She was excited. No, make that extremely excited. No, even better: Super-duper-excited-so-flipping-excited-that-she- was-afraid-she'd-piss-her-pants. She was finally getting a chance to talk to the Guardians! Even better, she was finally getting some _real,_ _accurate_, from-the-source info! She felt like singing! She felt like laughing! She felt like squealing and dancing around like a maniac.

_No! _She told herself sternly._ Plenty of time for doing my Fanty impression later. Right now I've got a job to do, and that means calming my ass down and focusing!_

"OK." she said, breathing in and out slowly. "So, why don't we start with something simple?"

"Like?" North asked.

"Favorite foods?" Abby suggested.

"Favorite foods? That's the best you can do?" Bunny asked skeptically, raising a furry eyebrow.

"Hey, cut me some slack!" Abby said, sticking out her lower lip in a pout. "I had a list, but it's probably somewhere in one of my pants pockets in the laundry. And anyway, it's an interesting enough question. I can guess North's favorite is cookies-"

"Not true!" North said indignantly. "I enjoy plenty of other foods."

"Plenty of other food-flavored _ice cream_." Tooth muttered.

Jack and Bunny laughed and Sandy silently chuckled.

"Very funny Tooth." North huffed.

*couch* "Ahem." Abby coughed discreetly. "Back to my question. I can guess North's favorite foods, Bunny's is obviously carrots, but I have no idea about Jack and Sandy and Tooth. I assume Tooth doesn't drink nectar out of hibiscus flowers."

Tooth folded her arms. "I'm not _all_ hummingbird, dear." she said. "And anyway, there aren't any hibiscus flowers around here."

"And Jack I can imagine going for snow cones and ice cream-" Abby continued but a loud voice interrupted her.

"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!" Tooth bellowed, whipping around in her seat to give Jack the death-glare.

Fanty and Star's mouths opened in unison and they started mouthing silent laughter. Drago chuckled openly.

"Oh- oh boy, Tooth really cares about those chompers of yours." Star sniggered.

"I bet she checks them every night before you go to bed." Drago added.

"Yeah, with the most expensive tooth-brush and her own special blend of tooth paste." Fanty said, smirking.

Tooth blinked and, realizing that she'd over-reacted quite a lot, blushed. She was obviously embarrassed at her outburst. Abby smiled. This wasn't surprising. Tooth had a lot on her mind, after all. Speaking of which, she needed to remember to ask Tooth about Pitch later. That was the reason she was here, after all.

"W- well," Tooth stammered, trying to regain her composure. "It's just that ice cream is so full of sugar and, well, you know what happens to memories when your teeth get cavities." she explained, grinning nervously.

North, Bunny and Sandy all nodded. Jack frowned. He obviously didn't understand. Neither did Abby and her friends, for that matter.

"Um... no, we don't." Abby said. "Humans here. And obviously Jack doesn't get it either."

Jack shrugged. "Yeah, I don't get it." he admitted.

"So, care to explain to us inglorious teenagers?"

"That's _ignorant_ teenagers, Abby." Star corrected her. "Ignorant teenagers."

Abby rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

Tooth rolled her eyes. _Teenagers._ "Well, cavities eat away at teeth, don't they?" she replied mildly.

"Yes." Abby said uncertainly.

"And teeth hold memories." Tooth said. "So... the cavities that eat away at the teeth _also_ eat away at the memories inside."

There was a surprised silence.

"You mean..." Abby said slowly, as if Tooth's words were taking a while to be get through to her but in truth, she understood it perfectly. She just wanted to make sure she was right. "If you have bad teeth, then you forget some of your memories?"

"Yes." Tooth said. "Not only that, but you get short-term memory loss as well."

"What do you do when you take a tooth with a cavity?" Fanty asked.

"We take it to be cleaned." Tooth replied. "There's a part of my Palace where the girls spend several hours scrubbing the teeth. The paste we use scrubs away all the plaque and fills in the cavities."

"Huh." Abby said. "That's really interesting!"

"Yeah." Star agreed. "I never knew that."

Tooth shrugged. "It's my job. I don't get a chance to tell many people about it."

Abby nodded. "Well, since I've completely forgotten about what the original question I asked was," she said cheerily. At this point all her friends groaned. "I guess it's Fanty's turn."

"Wait, wait wait a second!" Drago said, raising her hands. "Hang on, I think I remember."

"Remember what?" Abby asked.

"The question!" Drago said excitedly. "The original question!"

"Oh! What is is?" Abby asked.

"Favorite food." Drago replied smugly.

"Nachos and Grape fruits." Abby replied automatically.

"Not you, dim bulb!" Drago said, rolling her eyes. "Them! That was the question!"

"Oooooooh!" Abby and the others exclaimed, sounding like a barber shop trio again.

"That's right!" Tooth said. "That's what got us started on ice cream and my job!"

There was silence on the girls' end and the Guardians blinked.

"Uh, you guys alright?" Jack asked uncertainly.

"ALL HAIL ABBY, QUEEN OF SIDE-TRACKERS!" was their reply.

"Huh?" Jack said, frowning in puzzlement.

"That's Abby's nick-name." Drago explained. "She's a master side-tracker."

"The best there is." Star proclaimed.

"Dam- da- a- aarn right!" Abby said, saving herself at the last moment by changing her word-choice. She was careful not to cuss in front of Santa. If she did, she might not get on Nice list this year!

Not that she ever had, but you never know. This year might be the year!

"OK, so de question vas favorite foods?" North asked, just to make sure.

"Yep."

"Vell, mine vould have to be Lasagna." North said proudly.

The girls were surprised. "_Lasagna_?" Abby repeated, raising her eyebrows.

"Really?" Star asked. "But you're a Russian!"

"Really." North confirmed. "Despite Tooth's theory dat I only eat sveets, I do enjoy de occasional Italian delicacy. Or a nice bowl of warm stroganina." he added, smiling.

"There we go. Now that I _was_ expecting." Abby said.

"Why?" Fanty asked. "What's strong have mina?"

"Stroganina." Abby corrected. "A Russian soup. Very good, if the kidnappers in the Arctic Incident are to be believed."

"Mine's carrots." Bunny cut in. "Organic carrots. Obviously."

"Obviously." Star said.

Sandy said that he didn't eat and Tooth waited for a bit, thinking about her answer before finally saying, "Turkish delight." in the smallest voice possible.

"WHAT?!" Jack exploded, glaring at Tooth. She shrunk down in her seat. "After all that crud about brushing my teeth and not eating too many sweets, you say your favorite food is Turkish delight?! That's not even FOOD!"

"Now now Jack, everybody is allowed their own opinions." Star chided, sounding more like a mother than a wannabe girlfriend.

"I agree vith Jack." North said, folding his arms. "Toothie is horseycrite."

Everyone blinked, nonplussed.

Bunny was the first to ask the question that everyone else was thinking. "Huh?"

"Horseycrite! Horseycrite!" North said, gesturing wildly with his hands. "You know, like saying against something and then doing just that!"

"Aaaaaah!" Abby said understandingly. "You mean _hypocrite_."

"Yes! Dat!"

Abby smiled. "Well, I'm sorry to say it Tooth, but it's true."

Tooth sank farther down in her seat. "I know, I know!" she said shamefully. "I've only had them once anyway!" the Guardians was a dazed look in her eyes. "But they were so good! So chewy and tasty-"

"Tooth." North patted Tooth on the shoulder.

"And the powdered- huh? What?" she looked around, blinking that hazy look away.

"You were day-dreaming about Turkish delight." Jack put in.

"Oh. Ahem." Tooth coughed. "My bad."

"No problem."

"OK, well," Abby said, smiling. "That was all of you. So now I guess it's Fanty's turn."

"YAY! FINALLY!" Fanty yelled, blowing out her friend's ears for a few seconds. A round of moaning ensued and the Guardians shared smiles.

"Fanty!"

"What the heck?!"

"Girl, lower your volume! I beg of you!"

Fanty blew a raspberry. "_Soooo-ry_!" she said, sticking out her tongue.

"When Fanty's done being a three-year-old," Abby said warningly. "I think we'd all like to hear the next question."

"OK, OK." Fanty said. "My question. OK."

"Get on with it!" Star muttered.

"Hey, Abby took a while! I can too!" Fanty said indignantly.

"Get on with it." Star muttered again.

"OK." Fanty took a deep breath. "So, you guys know how there are a bunch of movies about you?" she asked the Guardians. "Movies, books, shows and stuff?"

The Guardians let out low moans.

"Oh yes, we know." Bunny muttered.

Fanty nodded. "OK. Well, which of the movies that feature you in them are, in your opinion, good?"

North laughed. "Vell, I don't think that any of the movies I've seem vith me in them vere something I'd consider 'good'."

"Here here!" Bunny said. "That stupid movie about the drumming rabbit was the weirdest movie I've ever seen!"

"Uh, excuse me, Bun-bun?" Drago said politely. "I think that was an Energizer Battery commercial."

The Guardians laughed and Jack said, "That's the perfect new nick-name for him! Thanks Drago!"

"I aim to please." Drago said, doffing an invisible hat.

Bunny grunted. "Yeah, thanks for that sheila." he muttered.

Sandy raised his hand and created some golden sand symbols. An eye, the circle with the slash through it, (no,) a brain, a film reel, and a miniature Sandy.

"Really?" Abby asked, frowning. "Huh. You know Sandy, I think you're right. I haven't seen than many movies with you in them. Any, in fact."

Sandy was obviously annoyed about this because they saw the familiar golden dreamsand jets erupt from his ears.

"Oh, hey, that reminds me, did you know that Pitch can do that too?" Abby said, laughing.

Sandy looked up, raising an eyebrow disbelieving.

"Really?" Tooth asked, smirking.

"Really." Abby said. "I have pictures. I'll email them to you all later."

Bunny and Jack were grinning openly and Tooth was trying hard not to laugh.

"That would be awesome." Jack said, smiling. "Pay back for that one of me and Bunny with valentine's day cards!"

"OI!" Bunny bellowed, jumping up from his seat. "I thought I told you not to mention that!"

Jack shrugged dismissively. "Meh."

Abby nearly pissed herself.

"HE SAID MY WORD! HE SAID MY WORD!" she fangirl-squealed, jumping up from her seat and dancing around the room. _I guess it's time for me to do my Fanty impression._ She thought, squealing and spinning around and around until she got too dizzy and flopped down on her bed, mumbling something about singing goblins and toesies.

"Um, is she OK?" Jack asked uncertainly, peering up at the invisible speaker where the voices were coming from.

"She's fine." Fanty said. "She's just getting her inner fan-girl out by squealing like a weirdo. Pay it no mind. So, anyway, least favorite movies, starting with North. Go go go!"

"The Santa Clause movies." North said automatically.

"_Soooooo_ expected that." Star exclaimed happily.

"Yeah, but why?" Fanty pressed. "Did you not like the actor?"

"No, he vas very good actor." North said, shrugging his massive shoulders. "I guess eez just hard to see yourself in movie without criticizing movie."

Abby laughed. "Wait 'till you guys watch RotG." she said, staring up at her ceiling. There was a picture of Pitch tacked to it. She'd drawn a rainbow mustache over his smooth face, just for kicks.

"OK, next. Bunny. Least favorite-"

"Hop." he said without hesitation.

"Really?" Star asked, raising an eyebrow. "I thought the bunny that shi-i-i-i- pooped, pooped, yeah -I said pooped- beans, was pretty darn cute." Star let out a silent breath, happy that she'd saved herself the Naughty List by not cussing in front of Santa.

Bunny put his paws over his eyes. "Oh gods, don't say that. Please don't say that."

"Star!" Drago said, punching her friend lightly on the arm. "You're upsetting him."

"Sorry." Star muttered.

"OK, what about you, Tooth?" Abby, who had apparently regained her senses, asked.

Tooth frowned. "You know, I don't think I've ever seen a movie with me in it!"

"Tooth, there's a movie out there called the Tooth Fairy!" Drago said, laughing. "There's a sequel too!"

Tooth perked up. "There is?" she asked, obviously interested.

"Oh yeah. I mean, it had two guys instead of you and your girls and, for the record, you look _nothing_ like Julie Andrews, the Rock or Larry the Cable Guy-OOF!" that last bit was cut short by Abby giving Drago an elbow in the ribs.

"What was that last bit?" Tooth asked, looking up curiously.

"Drago said that you look way prettier than she expected you to before Rise of the Guardians came out."

"Oh." Tooth said, sure she'd heard something about rocks and cables. Huh. Her hearing must be going.

Abby smiled. "Well, I know Sandy doesn't have any movies that I know of-"

Sandy cut her off by waving his hands frantically and making a small golden comic book appear in the air above his head.

"Oh, that's right!" Fanty exclaimed, laughing. "The Sandman comic book! I let my dad read that to me when I was little!"

"There's a comic about Sandy?" Abby asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Yep. Sandman." Fanty said proudly.

"Huh. I'll have to read it one of these days." Abby said, filing the info away in her mental filing cabinet for later.

Sandy smiled and made a golden quill and scroll of parchment above his head.

Drago snapped her fingers. "Oh yeah, and that poem! Ha! He has a poem about him and a comic, but no movie. Lame."

The others looked at her. "Huh?" they all said.

"The poem, Sandman. I have no idea who it was written by,"

Sandy spelled the name out in golden words: Margret Thompson Janvier.

"Yes, that's right. Margret Thompson Janvier. I only read that one of hers, but it was good. Anyway, the poem was called Sandman and it was all about Sandy. Sandy was just saying that he has a poem about him and a comic, but no movie. Which I think is lame."

Sandy nodded and folded his arms in agreement.

The other girls, who hadn't known about Sandy's poem at all, just nodded and acted as if they did.

"Oh, yeah. I read that one."

"Very good."

"One of the best poem's I've ever read."

Drago gave her friends the _Uh huh _look and they clammed up.

"Anyway, what about you Jack?" Drago asked, going back to the question at hand. "I'm guessing, Jack Frost? The one with... uh..."

"Micheal Keaton." Fanty supplied automatically. She'd loved Jack Frost when she was a kid.

"Yeah. The one where the lame dad dies and gets reborn as a snowman."

Jack snorted. "HA! As if. That one was actually funny! No, my least favorite movie is the same as North's. Santa Clause three! I _hate_ that movie!"

"We all hate that movie." Bunny muttered. "I looked like a pink bunny on steroids!

"I looked like a man." Tooth muttered.

Sandy made various pictures describing how lame his character was and Abby started to laugh. Who knew the Guardians would be so annoyed about what they probably viewed as Cosplayers (even though no one had made RotG until years after Santa Clause three came out.) .

"And My character! Ugh!" Jack said, sending a cold wind whipping around the room. "He was so ugly! His nose was so big! And he was an _adult_! I'm just a three hundred and sixteen-year-old kid! UGH!"

Abby smiled. Jack had an expression like he'd just stuck a lemon in his mouth and little flurries were beginning to come down out of nowhere above the Guardian and Jack.

"I agree!" Star and Abby chimed in sequence. "He was _sooooo_ creepy-looking!"

"He looked more like Pitch, with the spiky hair and stuff." Drago said decisively.

Fanty shrugged. "I kinda thought he was cute." she muttered.

Her friends instantly turned on her. "WHAT?!" Star and Abby nearly shrieked. "HOW could you say that?!"

"Hey hey," she said, raising her hands in defense. "I just said I kinda thought he was cute! You don't have to kill me for it!"

Abby and Star turned their backs on their friend. "I'm never talking to you again." Abby said coldly.

"Yeah, me neither." Star agreed.

Fanty rolled her eyes. "Babies."

Drago rolled her eyes. "My friends are such children." she muttered. Then she took a deep breath and turned back to the computer screen, where she could see and hear Jack beginning a rant about just how creepy he was in that movie.

"-and he was mean and- and bad and... and he froze people on _purpose_! He had _no_ respect for his element! What a schmuck! Ugh!" Jack finished, flopping down on a chair what instantly was covered in tendrils of ice and little piles of un-melting flurries.

"He is a thoroughly unpleasant fellow." Abby said, smiling at Jack's little tirade. "Now, we've done Bunny, Tooth, Sandy, North and now Jack. That brings an end to Fanty's question. Star, you next."

"YAY!" Star squealed in her fan-girl way. "OK, this is just a question for Jack. Jack," Jack looked up, ready for her question. "Do you really bite people's noses?"

For a second, Jack looked ready to spit nails. His face grew (if it were possible,) even more pale than they already were and he gripped his staff so tightly Abby thought it might break! His expression was of utmost anger and Star winced.

"I think you shouldn't have asked him that one Star." Abby whispered to her friend.

"No shiznit!" Drago said. "He looks like he's ready to fly up here and brain you with that stick, just for daring to utter those words!"

Then, like someone had pushed the slider thingy on a doodle-board, Jack's face went suddenly blank. Abby and her friends looked uncertainly at each other and Star even went so far as to ask, "Uh, Jack? You OK? You got a really creepy look on your face right now."

Jack blinked, then a smile began to creep across his face.

"You asked me if I really nip noses?" he asked, looking up. Abby and the others shuddered at the smoothness of his voice. It was hot as hell, but kinda creepy too.

"Um, yeah?" Star said uncertainly.

"Well, I'll tell you." he said, floating up off the ground until he was right in front of the speaker. "Only if I'm _really hungry_."

All four girls were staring at the screen with dropped jaws and wide, incredulous eyes. Abby's brain was in overdrive. She knew he was kidding, of course, but it was still something to hear him say it aloud.

"You noses, Star, Abby, Drago and Fanty, I might consider nipping just on principle." Jack added, smiling as widely as he could, showing off those swoon-worthy teeth.

_Gods, they are so white! _Abby thought_. Now I know how those flying balls of glitter feel whenever they see those snow-white dazzling blocks of enamel- GET IT TOGETHER GIRL! _Abby managed to make an "Uhhhhhh." sound. Then she went back to staring at Jack's (Suggestive?) smile.

Star's eyes were wide and she looked like she'd been given the Northern Hemisphere for Christmas. "Uhhhhhhhhhh..."

"But let's keep that between us." then he floated back down and turned away, grinning with ear to ear.

"Oh no." Bunny said, staring up and stomping over to where the speaker hung, several feet above his head. "What did he tell you sheilas?"

None of the girls responded.

"Jack," North said warningly. Jack was sitting on the arm of his chair, grinning as only a prankster spirit can grin. You would probably akin this grin to the grin of a Cheshire Cat.

"I just told them the truth." Jack said, raising his hands in a submissive gesture. "I told them how I occasionally eat the cartilage in noses for food when I'm extremely hungry and there isn't a free ear available. That's how the song got started. I tried to eat the nose of a poet and he paid me back by writing that ridiculous poem about me."

"JACK!" Tooth admonished. Or, at least she tried to admonish. She was too busy giggling.

"Jack," North said, also trying not to chuckle. "Ja- Jack, eez not funny to tease girls."

"Hey, they've been teasing us like crazy!" Jack pointed out. "I think it's well-deserved that I should get some pay-back."

Abby, who had _finally_ got her jaw working again, smiled. Time to get back in her role as supreme goddess of writing and smartassery. "Oh, Jack, I don't think you want to be doing that." she said in a faintly sinister, yet gentle voice.

Jack looked up. "Oh really?" he challenged. "Why not? I think you've caused us all quite enough grief to warrant pay-back."

"Because, Frosty," Abby said, transforming her tone into the steely-hard badass one she'd been perfecting for weeks. "I have supreme power here. I will make your life a living prank nightmare if you raise a hand against me."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Is that so? Last I checked, I was the spirit of fun and as such, am privied to hundreds of years worth of pranks. More importantly, we were here. You are...wherever you are. How can you possibly do anything to me?"

"Oh," Abby said, batting her eyelashes flirtingly. She knew he couldn't see her but it helped keep her in character. "You'd be surprised what I can do from all the way over here."

Jack wasn't convinced.

"I'm not convinced." he said.

"Well, then let me prove it to you." she said, smiling. Abby reached over to her desk and opened a drawer, pulling out a walkie talkie with purple rims and _far too many_ wires sticking out.

The other girls, who had also gotten over their shocks when Jack had admitted his nose-eating obsession, smiled and each of their eyes lit up at the sight of the electronic device.

"Are you gonna-?" Star asked in a muted whisper.

"Yep." Abby said, smiling. "R2, we have Go! GO GO GO!"

Several thousand miles away, all the machines that the yetis operated to make the expensive toys and big ones, like bikes and stuff, instantly came alive and started making thousands of little Slenderman dolls which jumped off the belt and walked like Frankensteins towards the Guardians, saying, (in Abby's voice) "All hail Abby, Queen of Side-trackers!" In really creepy voices.

North jumped up from his seat and stared, aghast, at the swarm of Slenderman dolls that was walking towards them.

Bunny screamed and Sandy fainted. Or he might've just fallen asleep. It was difficult to tell.

"ABBY!" Jack yelled- rather shrilly, I might add, at the speaker. "WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO?!"

"Easy." Abby replied. "I just hacked into North's computer mainframe that controls all the machinery- shoddy firewall, I might add, and re-routed the command central to my computer. Then I bribed one of your yetis to give me the password to your hard-drive with cookies, re-wired it to accept only commands that matched my voice patterns, boosted the reaction time so that it would accept the second my voice goes through, Changed the color of your floodlights to pink and put in the parameters for the Slenderman toy. Simple."

"Vait, you hacked my system, re-routed my machines, bribed my yeti and changed my flood lights?!" North repeated, staring aghast at the speaker.

"Oh, and I also downloaded all the cookie recipes you kept on your computer. I love the buttermallow creme-filled one with chopped walnuts. Plays heck with my digestive system but hey, it's worth it."

North sank into a chair. "How- how-" he repeated, completely and utterly confused. "How is all this happening?"

Abby let out a spine-tingling laugh. "MUHAHAHAHAHA! IT IS HAPPENING BECAUSE _YOU_, GUARDIANS OF CHILDHOOD, ARE INSIDE MY STORY! I AM THE AUTHOR! I HAVE SUPREME AND _ULTIMATE_ POWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Abby deliberately let her voice fade, just for theatrics's sake, and watched with glee as the Guardians were left staring at each other, wondering what the heck had happened to their nice, normal lives.

Slenderman dolls were pouring into the room, all saying "Hail Queen Abby!" In their creepy little voices. Sandy had fainted, Jack was cowering in the eaves with Tooth, the Yetis ware running around madly, trying to catch the Slenderman dolls, and the elves weren't helping much by trying to do the polka with the dolls. All in all, things were hectic.

And in the midst of all the chaos, Abby laughed maniacally.

* * *

**I'm sorry peoples, I just HAD to do that! Telling them they were inside my story, that was just a joke calling my name! Listen, you can probably still hear it! Aaaaaabby! Aaaaaaaaabby!**

**OK, well, maybe I didn't have to do it, but I did, and I assume you guys enjoyed? Right? Right? Right? Right? Rightrightrightrightrightrightrightright RIGHT?!**

**Well, how could you not? It was _hilarious_! If I don't mind saying so myself. He he.**

**Anyway, in case you were wondering no, this in not the end of the chapter. What, I spend a month writing it and I just wrap it up in three thousand words? In a word, _heeeell_ no! No, this isn't done yet. Read on, and discover the great mysteries about the Guardians. What do they eat? Do they sleep? Does Tooth share Pitchy-poo's feelings? Will Fanty finally choose quesadillas for lunch or Pizza?**

**READ AND FIND OUT!**

* * *

"YAY!" Star squealed in her fan-girl way. "OK, this is just a question for Jack. Jack," Jack looked up, ready for her question. "Do you really bite peoples noses?"

* * *

**Oh, and we're back before the whole nose thing happened. None of the previous scene up until the nose line, happened. Just me being a goofball and tweaking what happened when I was writing this down from the video recording I got out of this session. Pay no attention to the purple-haired writer behind the curtain!**

* * *

Jack crossed his arms and let out a low growl.

"Uh oh. Star!" Abby said, punching Star on the arm. "What'd you have to go and ask him that for? Don't you know that's the most annoying stereotype about Jack Frost?!"

Star winced. "Oops."

Abby sighed. "Jack, you don't have to answer that."

"Thanks." Jack muttered.

Abby rolled her eyes. "OK, so that's me, Star, Drago and Fanty. Now it's my turn again." Abby thought that the Guardians had answered enough mundane questions. Now it was time for the real ones. "OK, so, I know all those stories about Mrs. Clause-"

She was cut off my a groaning from North.

"Alright, before you go any farther," he said, raising a large hand. "I must get something straight vith you. There is _no_ Mrs. Clause."

Abby smiled. "I knew it! I knew it!"

"Nor has there ever been." North added. "I am happy bachelor and vill remain that way. Right Sandy?"

Sandy nodded and flashed a few symbols. The Guardians G symbol, a heart, him, a pair of pointy ears and an SOS flag. Code of the Guardians. Him and the elf woman. Not funny.

Abby grinned nervously. "Oh, yeah, about that story Sandy. It was just a joke, OK? I didn't-"

"Hey, about that story!" Tooth interrupted, glaring at the girls. "I completely respect my co-worker's choices and don't _always_ try to force them into a date with other immortals!"

Abby coughed at the word always and smiled. "Oh come on!" she said, deciding to take the offensive. "I saw you guys laughing up a storm. You loved it, you know you did."

Sandy glanced at the other Guardians, shrugged, did a little SOS sign again and started silently laughing in agreement.

Abby laughed. "See, Sandy enjoyed it!"

The others cracked a grin at the silent Guardian's behavior.

"Hey, so if there isn't a Mrs. Clause," Fanty interjected. "Then where did all the elves come from?"

North froze. "Vhat?" he asked, staring up at the speaker with a look that conveyed utter confusion.

"Where did the elves come from, if not you and Mrs. Clause?" Fanty repeated, ignoring the_ no no_ signals from her friends.

North blinked. "You think that the elves are my-" Then he started laughing. "AHAHAHAHAAAA! You think de elves are my _children_?!" Then he laughed again.

Fanty just shrugged. "That's the popular belief among us writers."

North's eyes nearly bugged out of his sockets. "VHAT?! AHAHAHAHAHA! DAT IS HILARIOUS!" he continued to laugh and the rest of the Guardians joined in.

"_What_?" Fanty demanded. "If there _was_ a Mrs. Clause, then that would be a fairly creditable theory about where all these elves came from!"

North stopped laughing long enough to wipe his eyes and say, "Fanty, de elves are my men!" North hiccuped. "Long ago, these elves vere humans. Dark magic cursed them and at the same time I became Santa Clause, dey became my elves."

Fanty raised an eyebrow. "Wow. Poor guys. Do they remember?"

"Not at all."

"Huh." Fanty rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "You say they were your men?"

"Yes. My faithful fellow bandits." North said, smiling and remembering the good old says when he and his men would ransack ships and sleds, plundering and having the best time of their lives. They never killed the people on the ships or the owners of the sleds, however. They always left them alive and gave them enough food to last until they got to port.

"What were you, a General or something?" Fanty asked, staring around at all the elves in the workshop. There were about thirty that she could see, all playing games or sticking quarters into outlets and electrocuting themselves. She even thought she could see a pair playing chess, but then she blinked and looked again. Nope. The one on the left as eating the wooden pieces and the one on the right was trying to make the pieces move my telekinesis.

_HA! Fat chance magneto. _She thought, smiling.

"No. Dey were a large band of bandits and I was de- tist.. *_Kssssssht_* lead..._*Kssssssht*_ ey had...ood _*Kssssssssht*_ timethhhh!"

"Uh, pardon me North, but did you say you were their _dentist_?"

North frowned. "No. I said I vas the best leader dey had. Good times."

"Oh. Must be static breaking out on this end then. Sorry, continue."

North shrugged. "Vell, dey got attacked by a spirit and turned into the little elves dey are now and de have, ah, served me faithfully ever since."

Abby nodded. "Interesting."

"Yeah, but why aren't they smart?" Drago interjected. "I mean, they were human once, Shouldn't they still remember how to do some human things, like talk?"

North shrugged. "Brain capacity." he said. "Eez hysterically impossible for them to speak because they don't have the brain to do so."

Abby nodded. "Makes sense."

"They look like little Dobbies." Star said, looking down at the elves.

The other girls turned to look at her.

"What?" she demanded. "They do! Forget tea cozies and funny hats! They should've had Dobbie and Winkie in these little elf getups. With the cute bells and stuff! OMG, that would be so cute! I should make a picture with that! Have the caption be like, that's not an elf and have a picture of Legolas beside a picture of Dobby in a red NP elf outfit. THIS is an elf."

North frowned. "Huh?"

"Pay no attention to Star. She's randomly gabbling about elves now." Abby said, steering the conversation smoothly back to North. "So, if you don't have a wife and Sandy's a bachelor also, what about the rest of you?"

Bunny blanched and Tooth coughed. Jack leaned back against his chair, smiling. This would be good.

"Yeah Jacky, you got a girlfriend?" Star asked, instantly reverting to the teasing, nosy-and-yet-still-so-damn-FUNNY Star they all knew.

Jack shook his head. "Nope! And I'm happy to have it stay that way."

Star pouted. "Awww."

Jacks ears perked up and he raised his head with a mischievous look on his face. "I'm not free, but _Bunny_ is."

"OI!"

"Let's see... he likes carrots, long walks in gardens, painting-"

"FROST!"

"How do you know that?" Star asked with a bemused smirk on his face.

"It's kinda obvious." he replied offhandedly.

"BOY!"

"Ummm, Jack? I think Bunny's about to blow a gasket." Abby said, smiling.

Jack shrugged. "Meh." (Abby did a little dance in her chair.) "He can't catch me."

"OK, THAT'S IT FROSTBITE! I'M GONNA POUND YOU A GOOD ONE THIS TIME!"

With that, Bunny leaped from his chair and jumped three feet, in one bound, and landed right beside Jack's chair. But Jack was already gone. Bunny looked around for him, shouting Australian curses and threats. "WHERE ARE YA, YA BLOODY DINGO?!

Jack had, smartly, decided to hide in the eaves of the roof. "Hey Bun-bun!" Jack called from his perch in the eaves. "Over here!"

Bunny whirled around and leaped at the noise, drawing his boomerangs and letting out what he probably thought was a fierce warrior cry, but in reality was more like a shrill yelp. Jack jumped for another eave and alighted on it with less sound than a snowflake falling on the ground. "Nyah nyah! Can't catch me!" he called, wiggling his rear tauntingly at Bunny. Bunny growled and jumped for the boy, but Jack just fell backwards off the eave like a bat and, with a twist in mid air, flew on his back backwards away from a furious rabbit.

North sighed and got up from his chair. "Bunny! Jack! Please to not be jumping off valls in my home." His input barely registered as the rabbit made another leap, this time falling just two yards short of Jack and landing on North's mantelpiece instead. The vibration of Bunny's landing caused North's swords to topple off the stone shelf and clatter to the floor.

"BUNNY!" North yelled, angry now. Those swords had been given to him by his papa, a long long time ago. "GET OVER HERE RIGHT NO AND PICK THESE UP!"

Bunny was too preoccupied by the insulting flying boy that he just _could_ _not_ _catch_! Jack darted to and fro like a falcon, speeding up and slowing down in time with Bunny's leaps. He slowed and waved his hands in the air when Bunny was too far away to catch him and, when the rabbit caught a lucky break and was right on his tail, Jack took flight and zoomed around the room at speeds that would shame a bolt of light.

"Bunny!" North bellowed. "Stop chasing Jack and Jack, you stop antagonizing him! This is my home, and I will not have-"

Just then a badly-aimed pink egg bomb exploded above North's head and he was engulfed in a column of smoke. Bunny stopped for a second to say, "Sorry mate." and then he was off again, yelling after Jack and throwing as many objects as he could get a hold of. His boomerangs, egg bombs, boxes, picture frames, anything and everything he hurled at Jack, yelling threats and curses.

North spent about five minutes choking and coughing and when the smoke cleared, Abby almost laughed. His Bear was hot pink with green stripes and he had a furious expression on his face. "Dat is it!" he bellowed, grabbing his swords. "Bunny, you are on Naughty list for eternity!"

"North, he's a two-thousand-year-old Pooka." Abby said. "I don't think he cares."

North ignored her and ran around the room, waving his swords around and shouting about how this was HIS home and how they'd "BETTER STOP RIGHT NOW!". It was hilarious.

After about five minutes of futile yelling, North looked down and said, "Sandy! Dis is doing no good! I need help!"

Sandy raised his head, giving North the look a child woken up from a really good nap gives their parents.

"Please old friend?" North begged. There was a crash and the sound of breaking ice. "JACK!" North bellowed, turning back to the ceiling where Jack was flying out of sight, Bunny close on his heels.

From far off, Jack's voice called, "Sorry North!"

Sandy sighed and, giving Tooth and the girls an eye-roll, summoned his dream-sand cloud and rose to confront the two Guardians. It was the opening Abby had been waiting for.

"Well Tooth, while the boys are off being boys," she said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. "I have a question for you."

Tooth looked up. "You couldn't have asked it when the boys were here?" she asked, frowning. She was obviously cautious.

"I guess I could've, but I figured it would be cool to ask you when they weren't here because it's a personal question."

Tooth nodded slowly. "I see. Well, ask it. I might answer it or I might not."

Abby nodded. Good. This was good. "Well, I know how the others feel about relationships. North and Sandy are Bachelors, Jack's good with just being a kid, even thought he's being stalked by Star every waking minute-"

"OI!"

"Bunny's being stalked by Drago-"

"OI!"

"But I didn't get a chance to ask _you_ about _your_ personal life. Do you have time to date, being the Tooth Fairy?"

Tooth shrugged. "Well, the last time I went out, before the whole Pitch fiasco, was a few hundred years ago, and that was when I wanted to get out of the palace."

Abby nodded. "Uh huh. Uh huh, go on."

"Ummm, well... I've talked to plenty of immortals. Hallowa, that's the spirit of Autumn and Halloween, was a good friend to talk to. Eugustus, that's the Groundhog, was kind of surly but he was decent to me. I hung around with Iris a lot when I was new to the job."

"Iris, as in the Greek goddess of the rainbow?" Abby asked, blinking.

"Yep." Tooth said. "All those old deities, Zeus, Iris, Horus, Thor, Loki, Quetzalcoatl, they all are just spirits under different names. They were around long before I was though, so I don't know much about them."

"What, you don't meet?" Abby asked.

"Oh, we meet. Once every hundred years." Tooth said. "Time isn't much to immortals and since we have so much to do, it's kind of hard to find a date where nothing's happening. Anyway, on that day, the thirty-second of December-"

"Hang on, there is no _thirty-second_ of December!" Abby interrupted, frowning.

"Not on any human calendar, no." Tooth admitted. "but Father Time- Chronos, as you'd know him if you were Greek, fixed it with Manny and Isis- the god-"

"The goddess of magic." Abby finished. "I've made an extensive study of these gods, Elders, Ancients, spirits and deities. I know. She may also be referred to as Hecate, the goddess with three faces, and is often mistaken for the Fates."

"Huh. That's right." Tooth said, looking up at the speaker with a smile on her face. "Where'd you learn-"

"I read." Abby said shortly.

"Ah. Well, anyway, Father Time and Isis and Manny all poured their energies into making a three hundred and sixty-sixth day that only happens every hundred years. On that day, a cloak of time, magic and moonlight is cast over the entire world, rendering everything frozen in time. Nothing dies, nothing lives. Nothing can move around except us. None of us can use our powers, that makes things fair if it comes to an argument, and none of us can leave until Manny releases us after twenty-four hours."

"What do you guys do then?" Abby asked.

"Well, we talk. We put aside all grudges for one night and talk about everything that has happened to us in the last hundred years. I've been to about a hundred of these and every time I've gone it was a lot of fun. There's plenty of food and drinks, and we all just have a good time. There's usually no fighting, and at the end we all go back to our usual opinions about each other." Tooth finished.

"So, you've met about a hundred times." Abby repeated. "That makes you-"

"Don't say it aloud!" Tooth said frantically, shushing the girls and looking around to see if anyone heard that. Then she realized what she was doing and calmed herself. "he he. Sorry." she said, smiling. "Hearing my age kinds wear me down. I don't even know what Ive got to worry about. I'm not even the oldest of the Guardians."

"Who is?"

"Sandy."

"Ha! Thought so!" said Fanty.

"Anyway," Abby said, trying to get the conversation back on track. "So, during these meetings, have you ever met anybody?"

Tooth shrugged. "Eros kept trying to ask me out, but he was doing that to _all_ of the female spirits. Patrick was a nice guy. Gentlemanly. He always offers me a drink."

"That's cool." Abby said. "You met the leprechaun!"

"Yeah, he's a charmer." Tooth said, smiling a little bit. "But apart from that, no, I haven't really dated anyone since I was made immortal."

"JACK!" North and Bunny yelled at the same time, some distance away. The voices reverberated off the walls and Tooth gave us a look that clearly said, _Boys._

Abby knew she didn't have much time before the men came back, so she decided to hell with the subtlety.

"What about Pitch?" she asked.

Star, Fanty and Drago held their breath.

To her credit, Tooth didn't even blink. "What about Pitch?"

"Well, was _he_ nicer than normal around you at these parties?" Abby asked, trying to sound casual.

Tooth thought about it. "Well, now that you mention it, he _was_ a bit nicer to me than usual. He even seemed _friendly."_ she paused. "But that was probably because he was planning world domination and he wanted to catch us off-guard."

"Ohhhhh," Abby said, smiling impishly. "I don't know. Was he kinder to Bunny, or Sandy? Or North?"

Tooth furrowed her brow, thinking. "You know," she said after about a minute. "I don't think he was."

Abby fist-pumped.

"Yes, I think he was only nicer to me." Tooth blinked. "Why?"

"Why do _you_ think, Toothy?" Abby asked.

Tooth shrugged. "I have no idea." That was a lie. Abby could tell. She could see the slight blush that was creeping into the Tooth Fairy's cheeks and the small smile that was quirking her mouth.

"Toothy," Abby said, trying to sound patient. "It would be obvious to even the blindest person on the planet that he likes you, and I'm not talking wants-to-get-a-cup-of-coffee like. I'm talking long-walks-on-the-beach, talking-until-two-in-the-morning, romantic-restaurant-with-candlelight-like."

Tooth froze, staring at the speaker with confusion, surprise and a bunch of other emotions that Abby could not fathom. Abby smiled. Poor Toothy. Her head must be like a hurricane right now, wondering if it's true and going through all the things Pitch had done to her.

Tooth was, in fact, doing just that.

_This can't be true! It isn't true! Pitch is my- _our_, mortal enemy! I can't..._

Denial ran through her brain like a river. It seemed justifiable and she latched on to it like a life-preserver. There was no was this was true. No way. He was the Boogeyman. She was a Guardian, sworn to protect children from monsters like him.

"This is ridiculous." she said finally. "It's a joke, like those stories and your email!"

"Tooth-"

"He's just trying to mess with me. Well it's not going to work!" Tooth's voice was steadily growing louder and louder. "You can tell that two-bit fear spirit that it'll take a lot more than that to rile ME up!"

"Tooth, you need to calm-"

"And you can also tell him that-"

"TOOTH!"

Tooth stopped in mid-rant.

"Tooth," Abby said, a bit more calmly. "I know this may seem like a joke to you, but it isn't. I swear." Abby took a deep breath, ignoring the disbelieving look on Tooth's face and the surly, folded arms. "As difficult as it is for you to believe, it's true."

Tooth was about to object but Abby interrupted. "Think about it! Why else would he be nicer to you than everyone else? Why would be pick you to talk to at those meetings?Not only that, but why would he pick your fairies to steal first? Your teeth? It was a way of getting your attention!" Now Abby was completely making things up, but she needed to sell this! If she didn't, everybody would end up being unhappy and she could not, would not, stand for that. Abby smiled. "There's one simple answer: He likes you. He told me so, and I believe him."

Tooth sighed and tried to tell herself this was just a joke, but the tone of Abby's voice made her stop and think.

_ She doesn't sound like she's lying, _she thought. _But no, it's ridiculous. Pitch is the _bad _guy. Emphasis on **bad**! And anyway, even if I did like him, which I DON'T, it would be impossible to be together. _The other Guardians would never approve and Manny would certainly never! It was a ludicrous idea. She was incapable of even _thinking_ that it might work! And yet. . . the last time she'd seen him Pitch had looked so helpless, being pulled down into his hole by the very creatures that had served him.

Tooth remembered the look of absolute terror on his face when he was trying desperately to hold on to the edge of the ground as the sand writhed and whirled around him, tugging at him, pulling him all the way under, to the dark . . . where he belonged.

But _did_ he belong there?

Jack had told them all about Pitch finding him in the arctic, offering a partnership and then, when he was turned down yet again, using Baby Tooth as leverage to get the staff which Jack was powerless without. But in between the offer and the Exchange, Tooth remembered Jack telling her about Pitch and him fighting.

"He said he _knew what it was like_ to be cast out." Jack's voice said in her head, heavy on the sarcasm. "He said he knew what it was like to _long for a family,_ to not be believed in. HA! What a liar."

Tooth sighed. They had all laughed then, happy that Pitch was gone and things could return back to normal.

"Fine." she said, trying to sound skeptical, but strong at the same time. "Just say that he _did_ like me, which I'm not saying I believe. If he really does _like me _so much, then why hasn't he said anything to me?"

"Are you kidding?" Abby asked, laughing. "After what happened the last time he tried to get one of you to talk to him? No way. He knew better than to talk to you. Besides, he couldn't even if he wanted to. He can't get out of his caves, remember?"

"Oh, yeah." Tooth said, feeling a bit embarrassed.

"Besides, even if he could get out and talk to you without siccing your girls on him, he still wouldn't do it."

"Why?" Tooth asked, curious in spite of herself.

"He told me he's too embarrassed to ask you out himself." Abby said simply. Plus, he's more than a bit afraid of North and Sandy going all BEAT-ON-THE-BOOGEYMAN on him. He knew you'd understand but he was a bit too scared to talk to you face to face, so he asked me to do it."

Tooth raised an eyebrow. "He's scared of North and Sandy?"

"Can you blame him?" Abby asked, smiling. "North is like your father and Sandy is like the badass uncle who knows karate and will kill him if he goes anywhere near you. The last time they tangled, Pitch got beat to pulp. And then, of course, there's Jack."

"Jack?" Tooth repeated, puzzled. "What does Jack have to do with anything?"

Abby sighed. "Really Tooth? You haven't noticed _anything_?"

Tooth shrugged.

Abby smiled kindly. It wasn't her fault she didn't notice this stuff. Most of it she hadn't even known about until a few minutes ago, after all. "Jack views you like his surrogate mother." she explained slowly. "If Pitch tried to make a move on you, Jack would probably show up, beat the crap out of him, drive him into hiding and then call out a man-hunt for him."

Tooth took a few minutes to process this all. The Boogeyman admired her and possibly wanted to ask her out, the Guardians, who she'd viewed as friends and co-workers, viewed her as something completely different. Family. Family they'd go through any means to protect.

Tooth thought back to her previous encounters with Pitch. Her first meeting with him had been in the 1100s. They'd appeared in the same room, Tooth was barely coping with how many teeth she needed to find before dawn and her mini-fairies, of which she had fifty, were completely exhausted. She'd decided to take over a few routs to give her girls a rest and, in the seventeenth house in Istanbul, she'd met the Boogeyman.

They regarded each other for a few minutes, then Pitch introduced himself. Tooth did likewise. Pitch gave her one of his evil smiles and, after making sure the boy was having a nightmare properly, disappeared in a theatrical cloud of black smoke, leaving a strange scent behind. They hadn't really talked and each had gone about their business as they should.

"Tooth?"

Tooth was brought back to the present by Abby's voice, hesitantly asking if she was alright.

"I'm fine." She said.

"Going back into your memories?" Abby asked.

"Yeah." Tooth said. Then she blinked, a frown forming on her face. "How'd you know?" she asked suspiciously.

"I recognize that look." Abby said simply. "Now, the men-folk are going to be coming back soon and I don't think it'd be right to talk about you and Pitch around them, so I'm just gonna drop the subject."

Tooth let out a silent sigh of relief.

"After I ask you these two questions."

Tooth sighed. "OK. Fine."

"Firstly, do you like Pitch?"

Tooth groaned. "Abby, I don't know. He kidnapped my fairies, stole my teeth, tried to bring about another Dark Age-"

"All because he likes you!" Abby burst out, unable to contain herself. "OK, maybe ending the world was a bad decision, but come on! He's only known fear and Darkness _since the day he was created_! Do you know that he doesn't even remember his past life?"

Tooth blinked. "Really?"

"Really! That's right, he doesn't remember. And do you know what he told me when I asked him why he really wanted to win in a fight against you all?"

Tooth didn't know.

Abby closed her eyes, remembering how sad Pitch had looked. "He said it was because he wanted to know what it felt like. Not because he wanted to usher in a new Dark Age or to send the world back into fear and shadows again, but because he wanted to know what it felt like." Abby took a deep breath. She knew her voice was getting shaky, but she didn't care. Pitch deserves a chance at something new, and she was going to talk them into giving it to them if it killed her! "He told me," she whispered, holding back her tears. "and I believed him, that to win would be the most wonderful thing he could ever experience."

Tooth didn't have an answer to that. In fact, she didn't have an answer to _any_ of it. She just sat there, staring into space, thinking about what Abby had said. _Did_ Pitch deserve something new? Did he deserve a second chance for the things he did? It was too hard for her to tell. On the one hand, he had been evil for centuries. He'd tried to kill them and turn the world into a bottomless pit of darkness and despair. He'd kidnapped her fairies and taken her teeth. He'd nearly killed Sandy, made the children stop believing in her, and had tried to hurt a child.

And now Abby was telling her that it was all just to that he could win?

She didn't want to believe it, she _couldn't_ believe it. Pitch was the _enemy_! He'd hurt her and the rest of the Guardians-

"But it was with good reason." she said quietly. "and now he's asking for forgiveness."

Abby nodded. "He wants forgiveness, and you're the first one he can start repaying, if you give it to him."

Tooth sighed. "The others won't take to this very well."

"Then don't tell them!" Fanty burst out.

Tooth jumped, forgetting that there were indeed more people listening in on this conversation.

"Fanty, I have to tell them. I'm a Guardian-"

"You are your own person, Toothiana." Drago said. "Yes, you can make choices with the Guardians, but you can also make them without. It is your choice to accept Pitch as a person and if the other disagree, then that is their choice."

"And," Star added. "If you do accept Pitch's apology and befriend him, then there's a chance- a small chance, mind, but a chance nonetheless, that you can end centuries of fighting and anger and hate."

"There's no making up for the past," Abby said, sounding like she was speaking from long years of experience. "But there is a chance to save the future. Take that chance, Tooth."

Tooth sighed again. How had their talk come to this? How? First it had been normal questions, funny and laughable questions, then suddenly Abby had become interested in her personal life. Now she was telling her to make a difficult decision, without the other Guardians. What should she do?

_Follow your heart, Toothiana._

"Huh?"

_I said follow your heart._

"Who's that?"

"Who's who, Tooth?"

Tooth looked up at the speaker. No, definitely none of the girl's voices. This voice had been deep, low, and musical. And familiar

"I just heard a voice, in my head," Tooth said, still staring around the room, looking for the source. The other Guardians still weren't back yet and she could hear North yelling at Jack and Bunny from all the way down the hall.

_You know me, Toothiana. You know my voice._

Tooth jumped up and turned around, her eyes passing over every crevasse of the North Pole that she could see, looking for the person who was speaking.

_Up here, Toothiana._

Tooth looked up. There was nothing but a couple of flying elves riding in little spaceships and the moon peeking out from behind a big gray cloud.

The moon!

_MANNY_!

_No need to shout my dear._

_What are you doing?_

_Helping my children._

Tooth stared up at him, emotions flitting across her face so quickly that they barely registered. Relief, annoyance, confusion, sadness, and most of all. . . just beaten down tiredness. At least Manny was here, just when she needed help most! He would tell her what to do.

_Manny, I don't know what to do! _She thought, trying to hold back her tears. _I've just been told-_

_I have heard. _Manny said shortly. _I have heard and I approve of the young girl's plan._

_Y- you do? _Tooth said, looking up with a puzzled expression on her face. _But Pitch-_

_Pitch needs to get back into the world. It's not as dark a place as he thinks. _Manny said._ And what better way to help him and the Guardians reconcile than this? _

_But, Manny, Abby is just a kid. And I, Pitch hates me!_

_You underestimate yourself. _Many said. Tooth thought he sounded almost sad._ And you underestimate her. Abby is much more than you think she is. _Tooth's expression must've shown doubt because she heard the musical sound of Manny laughing._ Trust me. If a fifteen year old human can make the Boogeyman admit his feelings, then I believe that you, with her help, can bring together the Boogeyman and the Guardians for a final alliance that will last until the end of the world._

Tooth sighed. _But Manny, how can I go against the Guardians? They are my friends, my family._

_Even family goes against each other when the sides are right and wrong. _Manny said. _Toothiana, I'm not going to make this decision for you. That is your choice alone, but I will say that the young girl, Drago, is right. You are your own person and you must learn to make decisions without the others. Do you understand?_

Tooth closed her eyes and slowly, not even stopping and thinking about what the others would say when they found out, nodded. _I understand._

_Thank you Toothiana. _Manny said. Then a cloud drifted over the moon and he was gone.

Tooth just floated there for a while, listening to the sounds of Jack and Bunny still going at it and North's voluminous tones echoing all throughout the whole Pole. She could hear the soft tapping of snow outside and the low thumping of her heart. She had just agreed to save Pitch Black.

"Tooth? You OK?"

Tooth's eyes opened with a snap. "He still can't get out of his caves?" she asked, turning to the speaker and ignoring the question.

"Uh, no. Believe me, he tried."

She nodded. "Alright." she raised her hand and pointed to the speaker. "Now listen you four, I don't want to hear a word about this on Fanfiction .com. _Any_ of it! I don't want you to tell your friends or the other Guardians, alright? This is my business."

"I'm sorry Tooth, but it's my business too." Abby said stoutly. "I'm the one who saved Pitch Black from long decades of self-pity and I'm the one who started all of this, so I'm going to be there for this too. Well," She amended. "Not in flesh and blood. More like, microchips and speakers."

Tooth sighed. "Alright, but I don't want to hear a peep about this when the men come back.

"Yes milady."

"Righto Tooth!"

"Yes Brigadier General Tooth!"

"Star, stop being such a smartass. We agree, Tooth."

Tooth smiled. "Are you positive you're not sisters?"

Her only response was four voices laughing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ten minutes later, North and Sandy came back. North was carrying two unconscious Guardians over his shoulders like sacks of flour and Sandy was hovering on his dream-sand cloud, looking more than a little annoyed. He kept shooting North angry looks.

"Got them?" Tooth asked.

"Yep. Thanks to Sandy."

Sandy nodded and sat down in his chair. He looked positively exhausted.

"Did they put up a fight?" Abby asked.

"Oh they _tried_," North said, heavy emphasis on the tried. "But Sandy and I had a leetle talk vith them."

Abby sniggered. "Nice North."

"So, did you and Tooth have nice chat?" North asked, smiling.

"Yes, we did." Abby said before Tooth could answer. "I asked her about her job and what she does with all the teeth she collects. She explained about her filing system and how hard it is to make sure they all get in the right city, country, family, gender and all of the other divisions she has. Boy, I don't think I'd ever want your job Tooth. It sounds like a lot of fun, but it also sounds hard."

"It is fun," Tooth conceded, deciding to play along with Abby's idea. "But it's also a lot of hard work."

"Well," Abby said, cracking her knuckles. "At least I don't have to deal with, like, a thousand daughters. That would be bedlam!"

Tooth smiled. "You have no idea." she said. "Sometimes I think I'm going mad from all this work. My girls, my Guardian work, and now this Fanfiction stuff. It's enough to drive me mad!"

"I understand Tooth." Abby said, smiling kindly at the screen. "Being the mother of a thousand flying balls of glitter AND being a Guardian can do that to a woman."

"_Tell_ me about it. It's so hard to tell them apa- HEY! WHO'RE YOU CALLING FLYING BALLS OF GLITTER?!"

The girls burst out laughing and Tooth folded her arms with a pout. After all she'd just done for them.

After drying her eyes and stopping hiccuping, Drago coughed and said, "Your jobs do seem really hard. I don't think I'd be able to do any of them."

"Bah." North said. "Bunny makes it seem hard, but eez just painting eggs."

"North," Tooth said warningly, but Drago was already leaping to her beloved Bun-Bun's behalf.

"Just painting eggs?!" she demanded, stomping over to Abby's seat and pushing her off.

"Oh thanks Drago." Abby muttered, getting up and taking a seat on her bed where the other two were perched.

"_Just painting **eggs**?!_ He has to _grow_ all those eggs, take care of his warren, keep the plants alive, paint them all, make sure they get to the surface, make sure that there are enough to go around the _world_-"

"Drago!" Abby yelled, startling her friend out of her rant.

Drago blinked, then she smiled sheepishly at the screen. "He he. Sorry North."

North, who was cringing slightly, straightened up and brushed some imaginary dust off his coat. "Eez quite alright." he said, smiling.

"Geez Drago, don't you think that ticking off Santa might be a bad idea?" Star muttered, smiling.

"No shiznit!" Fanty said.

"Relax!" Drago said. "North said all's cool."

The others rolled their eyes.

"Are they gonna come out of that snooze you put them in soon Sandy?" Fanty asked.

Sandy nodded.

"Good. Because I have a question for Bunny." Abby interrupted.

"Just Bunny?" Tooth asked. "Maybe we could ask him for you."

"Or you could just cover your ears." Abby suggested. "Yeah, I'd cover your ears right about now."

The Guardians- the ones that were awake, I mean, shared confused looks and put their hands over their ears. As soon at they did so, Abby took a deep breath and bellowed Bunny's name.

It was at that moment which Bunny chose to wake up.

_"GREAT CARROTS!" _Bunny yelped, jumping about ten feet in the air and then landing in a heap on his chair.

Drago gasped. "ABBY! You might've given him brain damage!"

"YOU CERTAINLY GAVE ME _EAR_ DAMAGE!" Star yelled as loud as she could.

"SHUT IT STAR!"

"WHAT?"

"SORRY!"

"ALL OF YOU!" Abby screamed as loud as she could. "UNTIL WE GET OUR HEARING BACK, I WANT YOU TO SHUT-"

"There we go. It's back." Drago interrupted happily.

Abby let out a noise like a strangled bassoon and the Guardians heard a muffled thumping.

"Vhat's that?" North asked, puzzled.

"Abby bonking her head against her desk." Star cheerfully replied. "Don't worry. She won't do any permanent damage to herself."

"No, it's _far_ too late for that." muttered Fanty snidely.

"OI! I HEARD THAT!"

"See, she's back already!" Fanty proclaimed happily.

The thumping started again, punctuated by the occasional _"WHY?!"_

Five minutes later Abby sniffed, pushed back her hair and said, "There we go. I'm done."

Bunny, who was obviously in pain, tried to curl up into a ball in his chair but his legs were too large. Finally, he raised his head and looked at the speaker through painfully slitted eyes._"Bloody sheilas!" _Bunny moaned, pressing his paws over his ears. "_Why _did'ja have'ta do that?! I'm a _bunny!_ I got sensitive ears!"

"Sorry Bunny." Abby said, trying to sound apologetic. "I didn't want to wake you, but I have a question for you."

"WHAT?!" He yelled, jumping up and staring incredulously at the speaker. "You bloody nearly broke me ears...for a BLOODY _QUESTION?!_ Moon, sheila! Ya could'a asked me later, when I was awake!"

"But we have to go in a few minutes!" Abby pouted.

"We do?" the other three asked, confused.

"_Yes_, we _do._ Remember? I have that thing, Star has her party, Fanty has her comic and Drago has her story! _Remember_?"

Abby mouthed, _just play along, _and nodded for them to speak.

"Yeah, I remember now. The comic!" Fanty said, trying to sound convincing.

"And my party. Aw, they'll be so mad if I don't show!"

"I just updated my story!" Drago objected. Then she caught the other girls looks and she coughed. "Buuuuut I should get working on the next chapter of Off-Season. Never too early!"

Bunny sighed. "Alright sheila, ask away."

"OK It's about your accent."

Bunny rolled his eyes. "Lemme guess, you're wondering why Australian, right?"

"Yeah." Abby said. "I mean, Bunnies aren't native to Australia, so why-"

Bunny suddenly made a strange noise, cutting her off in mid-question, and his body suddenly went stiff. His eyes were wide and fearful and his mouth was open in a horrified O.

"Uh, Bunny, you do know that Bunnies aren't native to Australia, right?"

"ABBY!" Drago yelled, punching Abby on the arm. "I told you not to mention his heritage!"

"What?" Abby demanded. "I didn't-"

She was interrupted by a baby-like wail from Bunny, then he tipped sideways and let out a squeak when he hit the stone floor.

"Great! Now you've gone and put him in shock!" Drago said, leaning in. "Don't worry Bunny, she doesn't mean anything by it. Wake up! Come on, wake up!"

Bunny just lay there, making little snuffling sounds and not moving an inch.

North and Sandy and Tooth rushed to their fallen comrade's side. Jack, miraculously, was still sleeping.

"Bunny?" North asked, shaking his friend's shoulder.

"Come on Bunny, wake up." Tooth said, patting his face gently.

Star sighed. "Well Abby, you've really done it this time." she said, turning away from the screen.

Abby shrugged. "I'm sure he'll wake up in a few hours." she said, trying not to sound nervous. "Anyway, it wasn't my fault Bunny had an identity crisis when I asked him if he knew that bunnies weren't native to Aust-"

"WAAAAAAAAA!" Bunny wailed, curling up into a big fluffy ball and starting to cry.

"ABBY!"


	14. OH MY GODS, IS THAT SOME SERIOUSNESS?

**Hey guys, I'm so glad you enjoyed my last chapter. It came much more quickly that the previous chapters and it was, if I may say so, some of my best work.**

**Oh, before I forget one of my buddies asked me how Bunny was having an identity crisis and I assume a bunch of you know what I was talking about, but some of you might not, so I thought I might clarify: Bunnies are ****_not native to Australia_****. Yeah, true story. Bunnies started as sport for white hunters when they settled on the continent but they quickly multiplied and became their own epidemic. Thus, Bunny not being a native Australian. Thus him having an identity crisis every time it's mentioned.**

**Ya got it? Good. I'd like to thank my great friends Fanty, Drago, Star, and two new friends. Obi, and DarkHorseBlueSky. Obi has been the driving force behind my updates of Fear is a killer and Dark has helped me by just straight up being cool. Seriously. I've never had cooler friends in my lifetime.**

**OK, I'm guessing you want to start the next chapter. Okely dokely, but I'm going to warn you this is a bit different than my usual chapters. Just warning ya.**

* * *

Pitch paced his caves. He'd been doing that for an hour, watching the screen and waiting for something, _anything,_ to pop up. He's gotten his hopes up twice in the last hour, but both times the 'message' was a pop-up for detergent. Both times he'd jumped for the mouse and clicked and both times he'd fallen back into his couch, groaning and angry that it wasn't something _important_!

He tried sleeping, but he kept seeing visions of Tooth smacking him and the other Guardian watching with popcorn in their laps. He tried eating, but his nervous stomach just vomited up whatever minor meal he'd been able to make. He even tried reading, but the words swam in front of his eyes and he had to put the book down before he keeled over from dizziness. There was nothing he could do! Everything just made him _more_ nervous!

"What have I got to be nervous about?" he asked himself as he paced first towards the couch, then away as he turned around and faced the wall. "Either she says yes to... whatever I wanted her to agree to, or she laughs in my face." he nodded. "She'll probably laugh in my face." That would serve him right, naive fool that he was. Why on earth should _she_, a _Guardian_, even _consider_ giving him a second chance? _Why would she_?

"That's a simple answer." he muttered. "She wouldn't! I'm the Boogeyman, a creature to be loathed and feared. I don't deserve anyone's pity, especially one of the beings I hurt and practically _tortured_ to get what I wanted."

He sighed and dramatically flopped down onto his couch, wishing for anything to take his mind off of the nervous tension that was creeping around his mind. ANYTHING! A book, a movie, a TV show, moon, even a _Fanfiction story_ would be preferable to this agonizing silence.

That idea struck home and Pitch lunged for the computer, yanking it onto his lap and feverishly clicking the email. He still hadn't finished Sanderson's story and, despite that it was a crude facsimile of himself, it was interesting. At least it might help him calm down!

He read for about a minute and a half, then he shut the lid and collapsed back onto the couch. The words were bad enough when they were tiny, but when he was in this nervous state they ran along the screen like little black worms, making him feel dyslexic.

"UGH!" he yelled, throwing one of the cushions into the air and hitting it with a bolt of nightmare sand. "Moon, I hate to admit this. . . but I wish _Abby_ were here!" Pitch sighed. This was what he'd been reduced to; a lowly being with barely enough power to summon a nightmare, begging for the company of a mad purple-haired who had teased him relentlessly since she'd met him. "Not only that, but she's insulted me, belittled me, called me an idiot and a hundred other names. She drives me practically insane," he paused, staring at the black ceiling. He could almost see a face smiling down at him, chiseled out of the rock. "but at least she's _company."_

Silence.

Pitch sighed. He'd had a feeble hope that Abby had been listening and would pop up, saying something smarmy or sarcastic about his confession; "Awww, you _do_ care," or "well gosh, I should get that in writing" but she didn't. She didn't pop up or say a word and there was nothing but silence, filling the whole room and making him clench his fists in irritation.

Pitch sighed again and sat up. His heart was beating and his throat was dry. He needed a drink, and he needed a bath. Hot. Very very hot. He needed the relaxing warmth. Pitch got up, stretched and made his way to the small area that served as his kitchen. It was located near the back of the largest cavern and didn't consist of more than a few cupboards and a sink. It was co cold down here that he didn't need a fridge to keep food cold. He could just leave it out for the entire day and no one would really care. He wouldn't, anyway.

Pitch Black hardly ever ate and when he did, it was more of a passing fancy. The last time he'd indulged in human food was about seven years ago. It was a steak sandwich thrown away by some human at a delicatessen because of his gut problems. Pitch had rescued the uneaten sandwich and had spent three hours savoring the flavor and texture of the meat, the taste of the mayonnaise and the tang of the red onions hidden just under the pickles. It had been so heavenly that, by the time he'd been finished, night had fallen.

That was the first, (and last,) time Pitch Black was late to his job.

Pitch made his way to the sink, turned on the tap, picked up a clean glass and filled it with all natural mineral water drawn directly from the earth's underground wells, rid of parasites and other impurities, and filtered up into his tap. A thousand times better than the human variety. That stuff was filled with chlorine and other disgusting unnatural properties. If it was one thing Pitch couldn't stand, it was human companies boasting about their deliciously pure water, and then adding a bunch of chemicals to make it taste better. Hypocrites.

"Disgusting." he said, taking a drink. _This_ water, however, was cool and refreshing and he only drank about two thirds before pouring the rest on his face. "_Ohhhhhhhhh_," he moaned happily. "_Thank_ you! That hits the spot."

He filled the glass again, emptied it again and set the glass down on the counter. The cool water sloshed inside his stomach and he sighed. "Yes, much better." he said. "Now for that bath."

All the water supply in Pitch's caverns was diverged from natural springs and wells. It wasn't like human plumbing, where you could summon hot water at the flick of a switch. Oh no. In Pitch's caverns, you had to hike down through the caves to find natural hot springs fueled by minor volcanic eruptions. The water was a disturbing shade of green, but it's natural salts and other minerals completely washed out his pores and made him feel like he was a hundred years old again.

He found the spring he was looking for, an eight foot wide and six foot deep pool of bubbling green water that let off the most amazing scents, relatively fast, due to the helpful signs he'd put up over the many years of exploring his caves. The signs showed where the important landmarks of his caves were- hot springs, waterfalls, lava pits and things like that, but much more important were the big red signs that marked the homes of the caves' other occupants. Believe it or not, Pitch had some pretty nasty neighbors which, in the bad old days, he'd sent packing with a bolt of nightmare sand to the rear and that had been that. Now, they went so far as to come into his caves, _uninvited_, and watch his TV whenever they pleased!

"No good free-loaders." Pitch muttered as he shrugged off his robe and the rest of his clothes, sinking into the hot pool with a look of utter bliss on his face. The coils of steam rose around his face and he could _feel_ the tension leaving his body. For the first time since this ridiculous Fanfiction affair, he felt calm and relaxed. The water was the perfect temperature and as he lazily floated there with only his head above the surface, he sighed happily. "I should really do this more often."

"No shit!"

"GAH!" Pitch yelled, automatically jumping up but forgetting about the shelf of rock that protruded above where he was laying. He bonked his head, fell back into the pool kicking and splashing, kicked a stalactite and received a sharp pain in his foot, yelled in pain, swallowed some water, (which, if he had to be honest didn't taste half-bad,) and flailed some more.

"Whoops. Sorry Pitch."

"AB-bbbbbbbbb-BY!" he yelled, sinking below the surface for just a few seconds and then coming up again, his mouth full of green water.

"Are you supposed to swallow that?" she asked uncertainly.

Pitch's only answer was a few muffled yells and some bubbles because he'd slipped and gone under again.

"Oops." Abby said. "but seriously Pitch, I don't think you're supposed to swallow that. Do you even know what's _in_ it?"

Pitch, who's head was still underwater and thus hadn't heard Abby's suggestion of not swallowing the water, was still trying to find his footing in the pool. The bottom was sandy and every time he tried to stand, he slipped and gravity pulled him back under again. It was so irritating that he found himself yelling and bellowing and screaming protests like a fussy two-year-old, but he didn't care. The scent of brimstone- sulfur, to the scientific world, filled his nostrils and the salty water clogged his mouth.

Eventually, after much thrashing and yelling, Pitch found his footing and erupted from the water in a torrent of fury. "ABBY!" he bellowed, glaring up at where her voice had come from. This was too much! _Too much! _The camera in his room was one thing, but _this?! _This was _beyond_ invading his privacy. _This_ was straight up rude!

"What?" she demanded. "I tried looking for you in the rest of your caves, but you weren't there! Then I tried calling your name, rather loudly, I might add, and you didn't answer. So, I decided to deploy one of my secret spy orbs and use the UV filter to track you by following the footsteps you made that were covered in the the selenium-based tracker one of my gadgets sprayed on your feet while you were asleep last night."

Pitch blinked. "Really?"

"No, not really. I followed the signs. By the way, _Giant testicle-eating spider lives here_? Really Pitch?"

Pitch frowned. "I don't know of any testicle-eating spiders down here."

"OK, well, that's really...creepy." Abby said. He imagined her smiling. "Ahem. Giant testicle-eating spiders who can _write_ no less! Yikes. Ahem, anyway." she coughed. "You know why I'm here, right?"

Pitch sighed. "I assume it's to tell me how the meeting went and explain why _you didn't tell me_ when you were going to start the meeting?"

Abby coughed. "Oh, yeah. That. He he. Sorry Pitch. In all the commotion I forgot about telling you."

Pitch sighed. "I have no doubt this is going to take a while, so, if you'll allow me some privacy I will put my robe on and then we can talk in my caves." he started to get out of the water and Abby said, "No problem. Closing my eyes. Muting all sound."

Pitch smiled. That's what she got for invading his privacy.

Ten minutes later Pitch was back in his part of the caves, sitting on his couch with his hands folded in his lap. Abby had just begun telling him about what had happened.

"OK, so I know I said I'd splice the cable in so that you could watch and listen,"

"You did."

"But I honestly forgot. Things happened so quickly that it was over and done with before I could remember about you. I'm sorry I kept you waiting a while."

Pitch sighed. "It's alright. So, what did she say?"

"Oh, there's the good news!" Abby said. Pitch heard the sounds of typing and Abby muttering under her breath.

"OK, nope. That's the ID crisis footage. . . no, that's my seventh birthday video. No, that's my Toph Playlist. . . Aha! Here we go."

Pitch didn't even want to ask.

"OK, so I recorded the video of me and the Guardians and just sent it to you." Abby said. Pitch heard the sound of a kiss and he recoiled. "Mwa! The internet is a beeeeeee-_utiful_ thing."

Pitch sighed. "Abby, did you just seriously-"

"Kiss my laptop? Yeah. Why not? I've seen plenty of people do weirder. I know a friend who actually buys his laptop pedicures every month. I keep telling him that laptops don't have toes, but he won't listen. What a waste."

Pitch rolled his eyes. Just another thing to add to the rapidly growing list of Abby's weird quirks.

"Anyway, the email should be coming through any old time." Abby said and, less than a second later, it did.

Pitch heard the beep and eagerly leaned forward to see the video. At first the screen was blank, then, after a few minutes of waiting it gradually began to come alive and show the beginnings of the meeting between Abby and the Guardians. The first part started out well enough. Pitch could see the Guardians sitting far below the camera, then the camera went down farther and he could see them clearly. North, in all his red-coated glory, Bunnymund examining his boomerangs nonchalantly, Jack Frost leaning on his staff and Sanderson sitting in a huge armchair with his head lolling.

But Pitch only had eyes for Toothiana. Her feathers shone brightly and she sat on an elegant footstool, obviously to keep from sitting on her wings. Her crown of feathers were slick and clean, and her eyes were shining brightly. She looked beautiful. Pitch leaned back and watched as the camera panned over the other Guardians, but he kept his eyes on Toothiana. She was just sitting there, trying to talk to Bunnymund. The rabbit was ignoring her from what Pitch could see and he clenched his fists. They didn't deserve her. Tooth was kind and much more of a Guardian than they were.

"Testing testing, one two one two, Guardians, are you receiving?"

Pitch smiled. Abby was checking to make sure that the connection was clean. What proceeded next was highly interesting and Pitch watched the next few minutes with rapt attention. He saw how Abby had infiltrated the North Pole, watched with smug satisfaction while the Guardians had uneasily looked around for their unseen adversary, smiled when Abby told Bunny that "If you think I sound like Pitch Black then you need to go to the vet and have your ears checked."

"I don't sound anything like you." Abby complained.

"You certainly do not." Pitch agreed.

Then it got to the part about introducing Abby and her friends.

"What we _will_ do is be polite," Abby's voice said. "girls, and introduce ourselves before we say anything more. My name is Mystichawk," then Pitch saw the screen glitch a bit and skip forward through about three minutes, then it settled back into the regular speed. "But you can call me Abby. Mystichawk's far too long for normal conversation."

"Hang on, what just happened?" Pitch said, pressing the minute pause button. And looking up at where he imagined Abby was looking down on him.

"Ummm, nothing. Computer glitch." Abby said. Was it just him, or did she seem nervous.

"Computer glitch?" he said skeptically. "Really? I could tell that you made it skip, Abby. The tone was all different when you said _Abby_, from when you said _my name is Mystichawk_."

"I don't know what you're talking about Pitch." Abby said. She sounded like she was telling the truth, but Pitch knew better than to take _anything_ Abby said at face value. She'd made a fool of him too many times to count and every single time she said something believable, she turned right around and said that she was 'joking' or 'just playing around'. He was starting to think that she was a habitual liar.

"It makes sense." he muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing." he said, smirking.

"I'm so sure. Whatever. Anyway, are you going to press play anytime soon?"

"When you tell me why you skipped three minutes of footage."

"I'm telling you, I didn't skip anything important! Just some boring chitter-chatter-"

"HA!" Pitch said, pointing one body gray finger at the ceiling. "You said you didn't skip anything _important_! Then you admit that you did skip _something_!"

Abby laughed. "You are learning some bad habits from me, Pitch. OK, I admit that I did edit this video for time purposes. A few snippets here, a few snippets there, you know! It's not like I'm taking away some vitally important information that you're going to wish you knew forever!"

Sad as if was, Pitch was already wishing he knew it. It was _infuriating_!

"Alright." he said, taking a deep breath and pressing play. The video resumed where it had been stopped.

"Abby then. Thank you Abby." that was Bunnymund.

"Why was he thanking you?" Pitch asked suspiciously, turning his head upwards to peer at the ceiling where he was sure Abby was watching him.

"I can't remember." Abby said.

Pitch sighed and turned his head back to the screen. Abby introduced Drago, who, apparently had taken a fancy to Bunnymund. That was highly amusing. Then Fanty decided that Abby was taking too long and butted in, saying her name and a few jokes as well. That was also highly amusing. It was surprising that Bunnymund was eager to hear Fanty's sequel to Listen To Your Heart- which he'd read and mildly enjoyed, amusing author's notes and all. He assumed that none of the Guardians was interested enough to read that particular story, but apparently he was wrong.

The video progressed, showing more and more humorous events. Fanty's fan-girl squealing, Fanty mocking North's lack of knowledge, Abby boasting about how awesome she was.

"You do like to boast." Pitch remarked.

"Hey, it's not boasting. I'm just that awesome." Abby said, smiling.

Pitch smiled. "Abby, I will grant that you are a very...unique writer with a gift for improvisation, and you are an excellent hacker. That I will give you."

"Thanks!" Abby said, obviously pleased at the compliment.

"Though your social skills are in much need of remedy and you have no kind of tact at all."

"True."

"I'm just a humble hacker." the video-Abby said, breaking into their conversation.

"Call it what you like, you're still a badass." Star countered.

"I am, aren't I?" Abby replied smugly.

"Yes!"

Pitch laughed. It felt good to laugh again. He wasn't sure how long it had been since he'd laughed before this Fanfiction affair had started but he knew it had been a long time. "And also humble." he said, smirking.

"You know," Abby said, sounding thoughtful. "You do have a very interesting laugh. I think that adorable isn't the right word, but it sounds really nice. Kind of like a kid's laughter."

Pitch blinked, not at all sure where _that_ had come from.

"Ummm. . ."

"Ahem." Abby coughed. "Pay no attention to me. I'm just mumbling."

Pitch frowned. Trying to figure out Abby's train of thought was like trying to find your way out of an invisible maze. It was hard, confusing, frustrating and you got completely turned around. He didn't know why Abby had suddenly decided to compliment his 'adorable' laugh, but he suspected it had something to do with his complimenting her computer skills and writer's skills. Interesting. So she _was_ courteous, when she wasn't annoying.

"That's interesting." he whispered again.

"I'm really getting tired of you mumbling." Abby said. "If you've got something to say-"

"If I've got something to say to you," Pitch interrupted. "I'll say it."

"Good."

"Incidentally, I _do_ have something to ask."

"Go right ahead."

"Were you telling the truth when you told North about the way you got the speakers in the North Pole to work?"

Abby didn't answer for a few minutes. Pitch frowned. Was she gone? Was she just teasing him by keeping quiet, like that stunt a few hours ago when she'd startled him and made him fall off the couch? "Abby?" he asked, leaning in to peer at the computer.

"I'm still here. I'm just thinking." Abby replied. Silence for about five minutes, then, just as he was about to ask again, Abby spoke up. "Hmm." She said, sounding like she was musing about the question. "You know, I rather think I was. It wasn't that hard to hook them up. Though I don't really remember."

Pitch blinked. "You don't remember?"

"I have short-term memory loss." Abby said, by way of an explanation. "I remember a lot of things, Book quotes, characters, movie names, actors. . . but when it comes to trivial things like that, I can't remember to save my life!"

Pitch nodded slowly, his mind reeling with interest. Just another one of Abby's strange quirks and habits. "Huh." he said. "I would never expect that of _you._ Short term memory loss. Interesting. I'm learning more and more about you each time we talk Abby."

He imagined Abby smiling. "The same goes for me. You might want to rewind the video, Pitch. You skipped a bit."

Pitch nodded and rewound the video a little bit.

"Ahem." Tooth said, coughing. Pitch smiled. She was so polite.

"Oh, yes. Back to business."

"Vhy you are here," North said.

"Why we're here." Abby repeated. "We are here, simply put, to talk."

"Hang on, hang on," Pitch said, pausing the video. "Last I checked, you guys were just mentioning why you were there!"

Abby didn't reply.

"Abby," Pitch said accusingly.

'Like I said, time purposes." Abby said mildly. "It was just a bunch of blether about me and my girls. Just press play Boogerman, and don't think about it."

Pitch rolled his eyes and pressed play.

"Just to talk?" Bunny's voice came out of the speaker. He sounded suspicious. _That's smart, _Pitch thought.

"Yep!" the voice of Drago said happily.

Then Abby explained why she was here and what she wanted.

"Nice cover," Pitch said. "Telling them that you wanted to interview them. Good idea."

"Thanks!" Abby said.

"OK." the video Abby said. "So, why don't we start with something simple?"

"Like?" North asked Pitch noticed he was looking a little nervous. interesting.

"Favorite foods?" Abby suggested.

"Favorite foods? That's the best you can do?" Bunny asked skeptically, raising a furry eyebrow.

"I agree." Pitch said. "You could've at least picked a question where you actually learn something about them."

"Hey, cut me some slack!" Abby said. "I had to think on my feet!"

"Oh dear, well that makes all the difference. Thinking quickly. What an effort!" Pitch said sarcastically.

"Oh shuddup and listen." Abby muttered. "Actually, scratch that. This bit is a bit boring, so if you want to skip it go ahead."

Pitch shrugged and put the video on fast-forward. North protested about something, Jack smiled that irritating smile and Tooth said something.

Pitch stopped it instantly. Anything Tooth was saying was worth hearing.

Tooth's voice came nervously through the speakers and he wondered why she sounded nervous.

"W- well," Tooth stammered. Pitch sighed. She was so beautiful, even when she was nervous. He hadn't realized just how much he cared about her until now, now that he'd said it out loud and it wasn't just inside his head. Pitch sighed again. Tooth. Just thinking about her made him happy, thought he had a feeling his happiness was going to be short-lived. Abby was just prolonging the inevitable. There was no way Tooth was going to say yes and this grim thought cast a cloud of depression over him once again. He sank down in his seat a little bit, as if deflated.

"It's just that ice cream is so full of sugar and, well, you know what happens to memories when your teeth get cavities." Tooth continued, stammering. Pitch sat up a little bit, interested.

North, Bunny and Sandy all nodded but Jack looked a little confused.

"Um... no, we don't." Abby's voice said. "Humans here. And obviously Jack doesn't get it either."

Pitch heard Jack admit that that was true and Abby said, "

"So, care to explain to us- _ignorant_ teenagers."

Pitch blinked. Had Abby's voice just changed? It sounded more like Star than Abby. Huh. Maybe it was just his imagination.

For some reason Tooth smiled and rolled her eyes. Pitch thought it made her look so beautiful. "Well, cavities eat away at teeth, don't they?" she replied.

"Yes." Abby said, sounding uncertain.

"And teeth hold memories. So... the cavities that eat away at the teeth _also_ eat away at the memories inside."

Pitch paused the screen on Tooth's face. She still looked a little nervous as her frozen face stared up at the screen.

"That is. . . very interesting." Pitch said thoughtfully. "So...if you have bad teeth then you forget some of your memories. Interesting."

"Yeah, it is. I had no idea that rotten teeth mean rotten memories." Abby said. "I wonder what memories your teeth hold."

Pitch smiled. "I have no idea." he said truthfully. He didn't think he had any memories that weren't from his time as the Boogeyman. In fact, he was sure of it. He's never been anything besides the Boogeyman, that he knew of.

"Huh. Well, maybe you'll find out soon." Abby mused.

Pitch nodded and pressed play.

"What do you do when you take a tooth with a cavity?" Fanty was asking.

"We take it to be cleaned." Tooth replied. "There's a part of my Palace where the girls spend several hours scrubbing the teeth. The paste we use scrubs away all the plaque and fills in the cavities."

Pitch paused the video again and nodded thoughtfully. "Very interesting." he said.

"Yeah. I figured it would be good for you to hear something about what Tooth does. It might help your chances." Abby said.

Pitch nodded in thanks. "Thank you. It might at that."

Pitch watched the rest with mild interest. Abby made fun of the Guardians numerous times and the other three girls made plenty of amusing jokes and he laughed at them. His personal favorites were when Drago called Abby a dim blub and Abby going crazy when Jack said, "Meh."

Abby was silent the rest of the video, only interjecting a swift comment here or an annoyed grunt there. It was kind of surprising that she didn't talk more. Pitch supposed that she'd just lived this, so there wasn't much to comment about.

Towards the end of the video, Pitch started to get restless. "Is there anything important coming?" he asked.

"Oh, I'd say so. If you don't want to hear about Star's elf fantasies, you can skip ahead until Jack and the others leave."

Pitch did as he was bid and skipped ahead.

"What about Pitch?" Abby asked.

"What about Pitch?" Tooth replied.

"Well, was _he_ nicer than normal around you at these parties?" Abby asked.

Pitch frowned.

"I was talking to her about the hundred years party." Abby explained.

"Ah." Pitch said.

"Well, now that you mention it," Tooth said. "he _was_ a bit nicer to me than usual. He even seemed _friendly."_ Tooth paused. "But that was probably because he was planning world domination and he wanted to catch us off-guard."

"Ohhhhh," Abby said. Pitch imagined her smiling. "I don't know. Was he kinder to Bunny, or Sandy? Or North?"

Pitch smiled. "No. I wasn't."

"You know," Tooth said thoughtfully. "I don't think he was. Yes, I think he was only nicer to _me._" Tooth blinked her amethyst eyes. "Why?"

"Why do _you_ think, Toothy?" Abby asked.

Pitch lowered his head. _Here it comes. _He thought.

Tooth shrugged. "I have no idea." That was a lie. Pitch could tell. He raised his head and smiled at the slight blush that was creeping into the Tooth Fairy's cheeks and the small, beautiful smile that was quirking her mouth.

Pitch watched the video with a smile of his own playing around his mouth. Abby tried to explain about him, Tooth stared in shock. He could see her mind working and he knew what was coming next. Denial. She was going to say that it wasn't possible! Someone- no, some_thing_ like him couldn't possibly love someone like her.

"This is ridiculous." Tooth said. "It's a joke, like those stories and your email!"

"Tooth-" Abby tried to interrupt but Toothiana just went on ahead. Pitch felt his stomach churn. Tooth raged for about another minute, then Abby finally calmed her down.

"Tooth. . . I know this may seem like a joke to you, but it isn't. I swear. As difficult as it is for you to believe, it's true. Think about it!" Pitch winced. Her voice was sharp and determined. "Why else would he be nicer to you than everyone else? Why would be pick _you_ to talk to at those meetings? Not only that, but why would he pick your fairies to steal first? Your teeth? It was a way of getting your attention!"

Pitch smiled. He could tell Abby was 'thinking on her feet', and yet a good portion of that was true.

"There's one simple answer," Abby continued. Pitch felt his hands clench in anticipation. "He likes you. He told me so, and I believe him."

Tooth lowered her head and Pitch felt his heart deflate. For a second, just a single second, he felt happy. Then he watched Tooth lower her head and he sank down in his seat.

_Of course. _He thought. _She's trying not to laugh. _Pitch lowered his own head._ Ugh! He knew it!_

"I know what you're thinking," Abby said, shaking him out of his depression. "And she's not."

"Really?" Pitch asked, raising his head. He meant it to sound sarcastic, but he knew it sounded more than hopeful. Like he was begging, almost, and he _hated_ to beg. "I mean," he said, coughing and making his voice lower. "_Really_?" just a hint of sarcasm added.

"Really really." Abby said. "What she is doing is thinking extremely hard about what to do. It lasts ten minutes. I'd skip if I were you."

Again, Pitch skipped.

"Fine." Tooth said, raising her head. Pitch winced at the cold edge to her voice. "Just say that he _did_ like me, which I'm not saying I believe." Pitch winced again. "If he really does _like me _so much, then why hasn't he said anything to me?"

"Are you kidding?" Abby asked. Pitch could hear her laughing and he wondered what she would say. This was the pivotal moment. If Abby said something stupid just to mess with her then she would back off and he would never have a chance to prove-

"After what happened the last time he tried to get one of you to talk to him? No way. He knew better than to talk to you. Besides, he couldn't even if he wanted to. He can't get out of his caves, remember?"

"Oh, yeah." Tooth said. Pitch saw her cheeks turn rosy.

"Besides, even if he could get out and talk to you without siccing your girls on him, he still wouldn't do it."

"Why?"

"He told me he's too embarrassed to ask you out himself." Abby replied.

Pitch dropped his head in his hands.

"Really?" he demanded. "That as the best you could come up with?! You make me sound like a love-struck fool trying to ask his first girlfriend out!"

"Ummm, isn't that exactly what you are?" Abby asked. =

"Plus, he's more than a bit afraid of North and Sandy going all BEAT-ON-THE-BOOGEYMAN on him." the video-Abby said. "He knew you'd understand but he was a bit too scared to talk to you face to face, so he asked me to do it."

Pitch sighed and raised his head._ At least it can't get any worse._ He thought.

"He's scared of North and Sandy?" Tooth asked, raising her elegant eyebrow.

"Can you blame him? North is like your father and Sandy is like the badass uncle who knows karate and will kill him if he goes anywhere near you. The last time they tangled, Pitch got beat to pulp. And then, of course, there's Jack."

Pitch moaned. "Don't remind me of that!" he said, burying his head in his hands again. "I had bruised where bruised ought not to be!"

"Oh, hang on," Abby said. "Pause it."

Pitch raised his head and did so.

"I have a question for you."

"What?" Pitch asked dejectedly, staring up at the screen with a defeatist look on his face.

"Why butterflies?"

Pitch blinked. "Come again?"

"When Sandy knocked you out, Butterflies started flying around your head. Golden dream-sand ones. I was just curious."

Pitch looked completely bewildered. "Butterflies?" he repeated blankly.

"Forget I said anything." Abby said. "Never mind.

Pitch, who hadn't the foggiest idea what the girl was talking about, nodded and turned back to the computer.

"Jack?" the video-Tooth repeated, staring up at the camera with a look of utter bewilderment on her face. "What does Jack have to do with anything?"

Abby sighed. "Really Tooth? You haven't noticed _anything_?"

Tooth shrugged. Pitch, however, knew what Abby was talking about.

Jack Frost was the epitome of immaturity, and Tooth was the epitome of kindly motherhood. The two were bound to have formed a surrogate relationship over the years.

"Jack views you like his surrogate mother." Abby explained, voicing exactly what Pitch was thinking. "If Pitch tried to make a move on you, Jack would probably show up, beat the crap out of him, drive him into hiding and then call out a man-hunt for him."

"That sounds about right." Pitch said meekly.

"Now, the men-folk are going to be coming back soon," Abby said, "and I don't think it'd be right to talk about you and Pitch around them, so I'm just gonna drop the subject." Pitch could see Tooth's relief in her eyes. "After I ask you these two questions."

Tooth sighed. "OK. Fine."

"Firstly, do you like Pitch?"

Pitch sat bolt-upright. She was honestly asking her that, after he kidnapped her fairies, stole her teeth and tried to bring about another Dark Age?

Tooth groaned. Even when she was distressed, she was pretty. Her jaw tightened and she clenched her fists in exasperation. "Abby, I don't know. He kidnapped my fairies, stole my teeth, tried to bring about another Dark Age-"

"All because he likes you!" Abby exclaimed. Pitch felt like dying.

"Come on Grimm," He whispered. "Just take me right now. I won't put up a fight!"

* * *

Several thousand miles away. . .

"Well? You gonna take him?" Eros asked in a New Yorker accent.

The tall, dark figure with his back to him near the bar shook his cloaked head. "Nah. Dis is too much fun to stop now." his voice was deep and booming, but the effect of terror was spoiled by the Jamaican accent.

Eros nodded. "My job is _waaaaay_ too much fun, especially when other spirits get involved." He said happily. He'd been trying to think of ways to get these two together for a while, then, like a bolt from above- or _below_, seeing as how they were in his castle three hundred thousand feet up, this girl had popped up out of nowhere and had taken over his job for these two, Toothiana and Pitch Black. Boy they would make an awesome couple!

Grimm nodded and turned back to his with a bag of Cheetos in one hand and a bottle of root beer in the other. His black cloak billowed in an unfelt wind and his scythe was held in the crook of one arm. He would be terrifying, if he didn't have a sign on his back that said, _"Reap me,"_ courtesy of Liam Patrick Connors, the Leprechaun. "I enjoy watching dis, old friend." he said, sitting down next to Eros, commonly called Cupid, in the booth and looking up at the screens.

"That girl was so brilliant." Eros said, sipping gingerly at his drink. "Using Manny as the final word. Tooth wouldn't dare go against that!"

"I agree." Grimm said. "Just. . . don't _ever_ tink o' trying to set me up like dis."

Eros looked wounded. "Grimm! As if I would set up my best friend." Secretly, he was already working up a strategy to get Grimm and Mother Nature together. All he would need was some glue, a spark-plug and about ten pounds of animal fat.

"Hmmm. No one knows what love will do and since you are, _technically_ love-"

"Bah. People say the same thing about death."

"Not true." Grimm argued. "Everyone knows what Death will do. It's a guarantee, unless I'm feeling generous. Love, now dat's a whole different matter."

"I never knew you were a philosopher." Eros said, looking at his best friend.

"I'm not." Grimm said. "Now, can we get back to the movie?"

Eros smiled. "I can't wait to see what happens next."

* * *

Back in the caves. . .

Pitch watched the rest of the video with rapt attention. He was sure that soon Tooth was going to laugh at all of this and proclaim Abby a liar. Part of his wanted that, if he was completely honest. To be called a liar and to not have to deal with the stress of his situation. Part of him _really_ wanted for all this, Abby, Tooth, the Guardians, Fanfiction itself, to just leave him alone. Part of him wanted to go back to the shadows where everything wasn't so damn _confusing_!

Pitch inhaled a deep breath, not that he needed to, and then exhaled. He wanted to watch the rest and to do that- _without_ breaking out into a fit of he didn't know _what, _tears, screaming like a child, angry yelling and shameless begging for another chance -he needed to focus and calm down. He took another deep breath, conscious that the video was still playing.

"He said it was because he wanted to know what it felt like." That was Abby. Pitch leaned in. Did he hear- no... no, Abby wasn't. She wasn't _really_ crying. Was she? No. One thing he had learned about Abby was that she never cried. She was too tough for that.

Then he heard a sniff.

"I'm sorry. I've got to go wipe my eyes." the real Abby said. Pitch heard the squeaking of a chair and footsteps. She was going away from the computer.

Pitch was surprised. Abby was crying.

_Abby_, was crying.

That was the last thing he'd expected. He'd expected her to laugh of joke, as she always did, but instead she was letting her guard down. Letting him see behind the mask of humor and sarcasm and letting him see a glimpse of a real person. It was interesting, to say the least. This was the second time in as many hours that Abby had slipped up, the first being when she'd divulged her bad memory. This was a whole new plane and, for some completely weird reason, Pitch discovered that he wanted to learn more about Abby.

He didn't get a chance to talk to many people and the first time he'd 'met' her, Abby, he'd been completely blown away by her personality. She had no tact, but she spoke cleverly and calculatedly, never driving him quite off the brink but pushing limits. She never said anything cruel or vindictive, but she had a certain way with her words that would leave you almost tearing your hair out with irritation and annoyance.

"I'm back." she said, startling Pitch out of his musings. "Why isn't the video running? I assumed you want to use every available minute with me away to watch the video with no commentary from yours truly."

Pitch smiled. "Actually, the commentary was rather amusing." he said. "And I'm not watching the video because I was thinking about something interesting."

"Really?" Abby said, sounding surprised but Pitch would hear the undertone of sadness beneath the sarcasm. "You, thinking? Holy moly I've gotta call the presses."

"Ha ha." Pitch said. He was still smiling. "Actually I was thinking about you."

Instead of a smart-ass comment that he had been anticipating, Abby's voice turned low and her tone turned threatening. "Pitch, I'm gonna warn you right now that if you start asking about why I was crying... I'm going to tell Tooth you're a woman and that's why you wear dresses."

Pitch was surprised. Not because of the insult, he'd expected that, but because of the cold tone layered with sadness that Abby was using. Why in the world was she _sad_?!

"Abby, what's wrong?" he asked. "You don't sound like yourself."

"I'm fine." Abby said flatly. "Just watch the rest of the video."

Pitch folded his arms. "No." He stated plainly. "Not until you tell me-"

"If you say another word I will tell _every spirit on earth_ that you are a woman with an abnormally flat chest." Abby hissed.

"Say what you want." Pitch continued. "No one really cares about an old has-been like me."

"That's not fair!" Abby said angrily. "You used to be something greater!"

This random outburst caused Pitch to falter. "Huh?" was the only response he could come up with.

Abby's tone was drained of all emotion. "You're _not_ a has-been. I've worked too hard to allow you to think that."

Pitch was flabbergasted. He was confused beyond belief. He literally had _no idea_ what the heck Abby was saying or, more importantly, what she _meant_ by it! He used to be something great? Yes, that was true, but what was all that about _working too hard_? How had she _worked too hard_ to allow him to think that?

Pitch rubbed his head. Talking with Abby almost always guaranteed a headache and he could feel one coming on now.

"Abby," he said slowly. "I don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about."

Abby sighed bitterly. "Of course. Of course you don't. Gods, now I know how my mother feels when she tells me what an ungrateful kid I am."

Pitch blinked. "Your mother? What has she got to do with-"

"Do you know how hard this is?" Abby demanded, cutting him off. Her tone was sharp now, angry. Pitch felt himself flinch. "Do you know how sad I was when I saw you being pulled down in that hole? How damn _sad_ I felt when I saw the terrified look on your face? How angry I was when I saw the man in the moon smiling at the end and the Guardians going back to their jobs as if nothing had happened? _Do you_?"

Pitch was thoroughly confused now. He had no idea where Abby's mind was going and he had even less of an idea why she was suddenly turning into a sobbing mess. Not only was he confused beyond belief, but he was also surprised. He'd known he was Abby's favorite character from the minute she started talking to him, but to hear how strongly she felt about when he'd been pulled into that hole- which had really scared him, despite his bluster about fearing nothing, was really surprising.

"I can imagine you weren't as angry as I was." Pitch said. He wasn't trying to sound spiteful or angry in any way. He was just saying what he thought was the truth. He'd been the one pulled into the ground, after all. The last thing he'd seen when the Nightmare had taken control was the moon shining down on him. The mental image made his blood boil but he had to keep his anger in check. He wanted to know what was setting Abby off so much. Why she was so sad all of a sudden. "Abby," he said, trying to sound calm. "I want you to try an explain to me what you are talking about.

Abby sighed. "I'm talking about _you_, Pitch." she said tiredly. "Why I contacted you in the first place. That's a question you've no doubt been asking yourself."

Pitch nodded. He _had_ been asking that question, though not as much as _is this girl sane?_

"Well, here's your answer." Abby said. "I hated it."

Pitch blinked. "Come again?"

"I hated it." Abby repeated. "The fact that the Guardians won and sent you crawling under the beds again. I hated the fact that you were forced to change what you were, despite that the Guardians had no clue or maybe they just didn't care, about how good fear is for you." Abby paused and Pitch waited patiently. "Did you know that I wanted you to win from the moment I heard you talking about hiding under beds for the rest of your life?"

Pitch shook his head.

"Well, I did. I thought it was cruel to make you stick to the shadows, just because of what you were. You could've won, you know. Even if you hadn't won you still could've tried to make a treaty with the Guardians to make it so that you could at least do your job, but, since this was a kid movie and most kids like the bad guys losing, you didn't win. You got shoved under the bed again and those Guardians turned you from a spirit into a wreck." Her voice was wavering and Pitch thought he heard her sniff. "When I finished watching RotG I decided to watch it again, and again, and again." she continued. "And each time I couldn't help thinking, _how does he deal? How did Pitch handle being brought so low?_"

Pitch decided that the best way to avoid a screaming match was to just nod, but inside the wheels and cogs of his mind here turning like lightning.

_She really feels that way?_ He wondered, staring up at the screen. He could hear sniffling and Abby trying to wipe her eyes. She really preferred him over the Guardians? It was not exactly a _new_ revelation, as she'd stated plainly that "Those Guardians are so lame. You are much cooler." but that didn't change the fact that it was a revelation. She really did care. She was rude, insufferable, tactless and often bland and always confusing, but she cared about him, from what he could see.

And that was more than anyone had ever done for him.

"I decided to look you up on the wiki." Abby said. Her voice didn't sound so wavery any more. She sounded stronger and Pitch was glad. He really wasn't good at this comforting thing. "I found out some. . . stuff, and that made me want to help you even more, but I knew that you were just a character in a movie. That you couldn't possibly be real."

Pitch flinched in spite of himself. He shouldn't care about it after hearing it so many times, but he guessed that it just didn't go away.

"That's what I thought for the longest time." Abby said. Her voice was going lower and lower. "Then I found your email address and searched that cave of yours on the web. Do you know that your cave actually exists on Google Earth?"

"Really?" he asked, in spite of himself.

Abby laughed. "Really Boogerman. Anyway, I got really deep into this and then I decided to see if you really did exist. My cameras caught you on tape. I can't tell you how happy I was when I saw the footage. That I wasn't just chasing shadows. You just can't imagine." she sounded like she was having difficulty breathing through a clogged nose now. "It was pure luck that you found the whole Rise of the Guardians universe at the same time I found you, you know. If you'd have found it sooner, none of this might've happened."

"I'll make a note to thank Patrick." Pitch said.

"Then I wrote down what I'd seen and posted it as some story. I figured you'd find it sooner or later. When you did, knowing how you'd react, I knew I had a clear shot."

"Clear shot to what?" Pitch asked.

Silence.

"Abby, a clear shot to _what_?" Pitch asked again. He could heard the annoyance in his voice but he didn't care. Enough beating around the bush. He needed to know what Abby was talking about right now, or else he was sure he would go insane.

"To help you." Abby said simply.

Pitch frowned, not sure he'd heard right. "To-"

"Yes, I said to help you." Abby said. Her voice was completely void of emotion, except a slight hint of happiness that threw Pitch off completely (as if the words themselves hadn't thrown him completely off already). "That's what this was all about, don't you see? I felt so bad for you and I wanted to help you."

Pitch was completely flabbergasted. His mind ground to a screeching halt and he knew that his mouth was hanging slightly open. _That_ was what all this, the teasing, the jokes, the stories, the fun, the annoyance, the _relentless_ _teasing, _it had all been to _help_ him?! What kind of mad logic did she use to make _that_ reasonable? _It was so confusing!_ _Abby_ was so confusing! She had no tact or decorum and she didn't care! She was just a happy kid- thought not so happy _now_, according to her sniffling. Though she wasn't sniffling anymore. Her crying had subsided and she even sounded a bit happier now, but her voice was tired, like she was a hundred years old. Pitch knew what that felt like.

Then, unexpectedly, he laughed.

He had no idea why and he found that he had no control over own body as he laughed. He laughed and laughed. His voice rising and falling in such a way that it sounded like a gentle drum-beat. He had no idea when he'd laughed this much. Possibly never. He had no idea what Abby was doing right now, but he thought he could hear her laughter somewhere in the background.

Finally, after a long time, Pitch's laughter subsided and he could hear Abby laughing. So she _had_ joined in his fit of laughter.

"Abby?" he asked tentatively.

Abby slowly stopped her laughing and Pitch imagined her crying, but with joy instead of sadness. She sniffed.

"Oh boy, I'm sorry about that," she said. "It's just, I've been working so hard to help you and change all this that its kind of ganged up on me. Do you understand?"

"I do." Pitch said. "And I appreciate it immensely." he paused, thinking about her words from before. "Now that you've explained it, I realize just how much you've done."

Abby didn't respond.

"I _was_ rather pathetic," Pitch admitted. "Before you came along. Spending my time moping and drowning in self-pity."

"Yeah." Abby said. "And that's why I wanted to help you so much."

Pitch couldn't help it. He laughed again.

"I know, I know." Abby said. "To you, I'm probably just an annoying kid who-"

"Abby," Pitch interrupted. "You're not. You helped me and, thought your methods are rather unorthodox, I am much better off than I was." he was honestly speaking the truth. Abby _had_ helped and, despite how annoying she was, she was beginning to grow on him. Come to think of it, Abby had changed quite a lot as well compared to how she was when he'd first spoken to her. Then, she'd just been blatantly rude and teasing. Now, she was still teasing him and still driving him to distraction, but she was much kinder now.

"Yeah, I'm not gonna apologize for my methods." Abby said, going back to her normal tactless, honest tones. "but, hey, you know what they say; It's the means to an end."

"Yes, and your means were to ask me about my undergarments and call me Dr. Seuss, whoever _that_ is."

"I thought you didn't remember that!" Abby gasped. She sounded embarrassed

Pitch smiled. "_I_ don't have short-term memory-loss."

"Blah."

"Blah yourself!" Pitch shot back, still smiling. He couldn't believe how much he'd changed in such a short amount of time. A month ago, he wouldn't have dreamed of saying something as childish as 'Blah'. Now he said it without embarrassment or self consciousness at all.

"He he. I would've never imagined the big bad Boogeyman saying something as childish as 'blah'." Abby giggled.

"As you've said, I've changed." Pitch said, still smiling. "Now, may I finish watching the video?"

"Go ahead." Abby said. "I think you'll be happy with the outcome."

Pitch nodded and pressed play.

The video continued where it had left off. Abby was still trying to convince Tooth to forgive him. He watched as Tooth thought and thought. She kept silent for a while and Pitch assumed she was thinking about her positing. Whither to agree and forgive him, or to tell the Guardians and let things continue as they were. He watched as the other girls interjected their opinions. He found himself silently agreeing with Drago when she said that Tooth was her own being and that she wasn't just a Guardian.

"Abby," he said, pausing the video. "I want you to thank Star for me. And Drago and Fanty. Thank them all for me."

"I will. Now finish the video."

Pitch nodded and pressed play.

"There's no making up for the past," Abby said. Pitch thought she sounded tired again. "But there is a chance to save the future. Take that chance, Tooth."

Pitch felt a blossoming joy inside his chest and he smiled. He hadn't realized until now, but Abby had truly saved him. She had saved him and now she was trying to save his future. He would never be able to pay her back for this.

Suddenly Pitch sat bolt upright in his seat, staring with wide eyes at the screen. It showed Toothiana looking up at the open sky where the moon was glowing down on them.

"See, this part confused me." Abby said. "I assume MiM was talking to her, but I couldn't hear it."

The smile fell of Pitch's face and a scowl grew as he recognized the voice that Abby could not hear. It _was_ MiM, the man in the moon. Tsar Lunar.

_MANNY_! Tooth exclaimed.

_No need to shout my dear. _MiM said gently.

_What are you doing? _Tooth asked. Her voice was nervous and confused.

_Helping my children. _MiM said.

Pitch scowled. "Yes, by telling her how utterly awful I am and how to never-"

"Will you shut it!" Abby said. It's almost over, and this is the important part!"

_Manny, I don't know what to do! _Tooth said. Actually, it wasn't like speech, Pitch realized. It was more like thinking. He always spoke to MiM like any human would, but Apparently Toothiana and the other Guardians had psychic links with the moon. _I've just been told- _she began, but MiM interrupted her.

_I have heard. _He said. _I have heard and I approve of the young girl's plan._

_Y- you do?_

"You do?" Pitch asked, the scowl dropping off of his face. Could it be true? Could Manny actually be saying-

_Of course. _Pitch heard MiM laughing. It made him shiver, not with fear- that was impossible, but with a strange uncomfortable vibration that went along his whole body. _If a fifteen year old human can make the Boogeyman admit his feelings, then I believe that you, with her help, can bring together the Boogeyman and the Guardians for a final alliance that will last until the end of the world._

Pitch saw Tooth sigh. _But Manny, how can I go against the Guardians? They are my friends, my family._

Pitch sighed. He knew that it was going to come to this. Tooth wasn't going to-

_Even family goes against each other when the sides are right and wrong. _Manny said gently. _Toothiana, I'm not going to make this decision for you. That is your choice alone, but I will say that the young girl, Drago, is right. You are your own person and you must learn to make decisions without the others. Do you understand?_

Tooth closed her eyes and slowly nodded.

_Thank you Toothiana. _Manny said. Then a cloud drifted over the moon and he was gone.

The video ended. The screen went black. Pitch leaned back against his couch, staring at the screen.

He stared and stared for the longest time.

"Pitch?" Abby asked.

Pitch didn't reply.

"Great. Now I've shocked him. Wonderful."

Pitch still didn't reply.

"DANCE! DANCE UH UH! BOOGEYWONDERLAAAAAAAAND!"

"OK OK, I'm back!" Pitch yelled, covering his ears to block out that _BLASTED_ song! "Just stop singing!"

"OK." Abby said, smiling. "So, what do you think?"

Pitch smiled. "What do I think?" he repeated. "_What do I think?_"

Abby didn't respond.

"I think that you, Abby, might be the strangest, oddest, weirdest, most tactless most insensitive human I have ever met." Pitch replied.

"Hey-!"

"But I also think that you are the most kind, selfless, polite, courteous, independent human I have met." he said.

Abby tried to interrupt again but Pitch interrupted her again. "And I _know _that you are theone human I would ever consider my friend. And I do. You are my friend."

Abby fell completely silent. Pitch couldn't see her and he couldn't hear her, but he imagined she was staring at the screen with a slack-jawed look like she couldn't believe what she as hearing. Good. It was time for her to know how that felt! After all those times he'd given that look to her when Abby had said something outrageous, he deserved to watch Abby do the same thing.

"Wow." Abby said after a long while. "Could you wait just a minute? I wanna get that in writing."

"There we go. There's the Abby I know." Pitch said, smiling proudly. He felt so happy right now. Happier than he ever remembered feeling before. It felt wonderful having a friend again. Or maybe this was his first real friend ever.

Abby laughed. "Pitch, this might just be the weirdest friendship on earth. Waaaay weirder than the dolphin and the cat video."

Pitch didn't even want to know.

"And you care?" he asked.

"Nope. Not at all." Abby said. "Now the next step is to meet you in person."

Pitch nodded. "And that'll be difficult in itself, since the cavern has the magical block. You can't come in and I can't come out." he frowned. "Speaking of which, Do you know why Tooth asked if I was still stuck in my caves?"

Abby didn't answer for a bit, then Pitch heard a click and she said, "I do now. I just checked my inbox and it says that I have a message from someone called _Mistress Memories."_

Pitch blinked. "Really?"

"Yeah. I know, that's the best she could come up with?" Abby laughed. "Anyway, it says. . . Uh oh."

Pitch sat up. "What? What _uh oh?_"

"It says she's coming down to your caves and to expect her in half an hour."

Pitch blanched. "When?"

"Half an hour."

"No!" Pitch said frantically. "_When did Tooth send the message?!_"

"Um. . . twenty minutes ago." Abby said.

"ABBY!"


	15. MORE Seriousness (& Spirit Lovie-dovies)

**Hello ladies and germs, I am so glad you liked the last chapter and I'm so sorry for leaving you hanging. But, hey, it's what I do.**

**OK, firstly I'd like to thank Foxglove for her reviews and GIVE HER A VIRTUAL COOKIE FOR SHE IS THE TWO HUNDRETH REVIEWER! GIVE HER A HAND PITCH!**

**Pitch: Whoo. Wee.**

**Me: GIVE HER A HAND OR I'LL GIVE HER _YOUR_ HAND!**

**Pitch: WHOO! WEEE!**

**Me: _That's_ more like it. Ahem, in other news, I'd like to once again thank Star and Drago and Fanty, my great friends, who have made this fanfic possible. I also would like to thank LaurenJr, the writer of ****Watching the Past, Present and Future, because after I read her fourteenth chapter I felt so moved by her awesome writing that I _needed_ to finish this next chapter. So, you guys all owe this latest update to Lauren. Thank her if you know her.  
**

**Lastly, there is a bunch of petitions out there for people who want an RotG sequel. I have signed as many as i can find and I entreat you to do the same! You can find them by searching on Google, Bing and other search engines. They say it's up to us, the public, according to the DreamWorks people. I don't know about you, but I want a SEQUEL! Sign the petitions if you want one two. Also, go check out ****AngelPhoenix422's story. She has two petitions there that I signed. Read them, please, and let your voice be heard! **

**OK, so here are the replied to the reviews that I haven't been able to do in a while:**

**Foxglove: Hey, I'm sorry but he doesn't read the last one on here, but he does read it. I just don't show him doing that. Thanks for the review, although Pitch might be kinda creeped out by you calling him uncle. Any reason for that, by the way?**

**Um, OK. This one made barely any sense to me at all, but I guess you likee my story? Oh, and don't damage the cameras. They were expensively stolen from the FBI.**

**It was written a long time ago. MANY LONG YEARS AGO! THAT IS MY ONLY EXCUSE!**

**Yeah, I forgive ya. I'm glad I have such, ah, enthusiastic fans.**

**To the one named Moonlight, thank you so freaking much! Your compliments really make me happy, as do all of yours.**

**Oh, and to rioludoodle, that is the most amazing compliment I've ever gotten and it literally made me start crying. I love the love you guys are giving me. Even Fanty, WHO HAS YET TO REVIEW!**

**I'm kidding doll. You take as much time as you like. I know you're busy.**

**To Riz and Xion and Star and Candledark and all of those other freaking amazing reviewers, it is I who should be thanking you. You guys give me the strength to keep on going and that's no mean feat. Thank you.**

**OK, so you guys probably want to read the chapter now. OK, no problem. Here ya go! Thank you again you guys. You guys are great!**

* * *

Pitch was frantically running around his caves, picking up random objects and tossing them into corners. His lair was a mess! Clothing strewn around, dust everywhere, there was even an old pizza box he had stuffed in a corner from about fifty years ago on his first trip to Italy. He picked up a box, inspected it for a second, then hurled it into a shadow-portal that opened up into his room. The box landed on a huge pile of stuff that he'd thrown in there and toppled the pile over.

"Pitch, what's the big deal?" Abby asked. "I thought you said that people can't come into your caves? It's a safety hazard or health hazard or something like that."

"For normal humans, yes." Pitch replied, shoving a pile of shoes that he had no idea he owned into the portal and snapping it closed. "Tooth can come in temporarily because she was one of the ones who enacted the barrier."

"Oh. But why the big cleaning-rush? She won't care."

Pitch picked up several books he'd left laying around and hurled them onto his counter-top, then he wondered if Tooth might want something to eat and he lunged towards the books and knocked them off. Then he fell to his knees and frantically started picking them up. He couldn't have a messy floor. No, that would not do. Tooth might trip over something.

"I can't let her see this- this _mess_!" he said frantically, finally snatching the last book up and then running towards his library in a perfect panic. He wrenched the door open, hurled the books in and then let out a cry of despair as he realized that _of course_ she would want to see his library! There weren't that many other interesting places in his caves!

"Calm down Boogerman." Abby said placating. "She won't be here for-"

From far away down the hall a feminine voice called out, "Hello?"

"_You were saying?!_" Pitch hissed as he emerged from his library. His face had turned a murky shade of reddish gray and his eyes were wide with anticipation. Abby could see his hands were clenched together behind his back and they were shaking slightly. He was so nervous! It was _adorable_! He bit his lip nervously and the way he had his hands laced behind his back! It was so-

Then Abby coughed and regained her senses. _Keep it together girl. He's Tooth's now. I know a bunch of reviewers have requested MeXPitch but that ain't gonna happen!_

"OK, OK, so call me a bad judge of time." Abby said. "I didn't know how long it would take her to get here!"

Pitch started to head off but Abby stopped him.

"What are you doing?!" she demanded.

"Uh, going to show her in?" Pitch replied hesitantly.

"Looking like _that_?"

Pitch looked down at himself. His robes were disheveled and he had dust all over them. He felt his head. His normally spiky head of hair was slick with perspiration and a little limp against his head. He nodded.

"You're right. I need to freshen up." he turned around and headed towards his bedroom, but Abby stopped him again.

"Dude, there's no time! She's already inside!"

Pitch pulled up short and stared up at the speaker with a mix of expressions on his face. Confusion, anger, irritation and blatant anxiety. "What do I do then?" he asked, nervously fiddling with his fingers and the hem line of his sleeve. He appeared to be thinking about something really hard, then he let out a low moan and threw his hands up in the air. "I'm going to make a fool of myself Abby. I know it!" he cried, falling back into the couch.

"Just calm down, let your rational mind take over again." Abby said, trying to sound patient, like she was talking to her constantly obstinate seven-year-old sister. Tiana always wanted to do her own thing and Abby was fine with that, but when that thing could cause her harm Abby had to set her straight. And that usually involved Ti yelling and kicking and crying her eyes out, but eventually she would come around and apologize for doing whatever is was, and she learned from that. She was getting better and better about listening, just like Pitch. "You're the Boogeyman for goodness' sake! _Act like it!_" she paused. "Or, on second thought, don't. You might scare her to death."

Pitch moaned again. "What _do_ I do?" he practically begged, forgetting he was supposed to be the big bad Boogeyman. "Abby _please_, I have no idea what to-"

"Just calm down! Slick your hair back, dust off your robes, make sure there isn't anything embarrassing lying around and you're all set." Abby replied. "Easy."

"But what do I _say_?!" Pitch asked exasperatedly. "I have _no idea _what to say!"

"Let Tooth do the talking." Abby said. "Make like you don't know why she's here. Don't mention anything about me or the girls, don't do anything stupid. You'll be fine."

Pitch nodded and gathered himself. He was the Boogeyman, not some agitated human on a first date! He inspired terror and fear in all who saw him! Surely he was brave enough to talk to _Toothiana_!

Or, maybe he wasn't.

Pitch sighed. He knew that he was going to blow it. He just _knew_ it! The more he thought about it, the lower he sunk into a pit of deep depression and self-doubt. There was no way he would be able to talk Tooth into freeing him. Heck, he was surprised that she was taking the risk to come into his caves alone. He hadn't expected that. He also hadn't expected the _man in the moon_ to back Abby when she was asking Tooth to forgive him.

In fact, that was the _last_ thing he'd expected, what with his past conflicts with the Guardians who were basically pawns of his in a chess game and them being on opposite sides almost from the start. No, he _really_ hadn't expected that. Nor had he expected her to agree at all, or to keep this a secret from the Guardians or all of the other unbelievable stuff that had happened in the video. The man in the moon had _defended_ him, for Pete's sake! Him, the _Boogeyman_!

If that wasn't a signification of major changes in the balance, then he didn't know what was.

"I can't do it Abby." he said, lowering his head. "I can't-"

"You can."

"I can't!"

"You can."

"I _can't!_"

"Pitch Black if you don't go and talk to Toothiana _right now_ all my hard work will be for nothing and when I die I will _beg_ the Grimm Reaper to send me back, just to kick your ass." she said in the most threatening voice Pitch had ever heard.

"OK." he said meekly. "I'm going."

"Your hair!"

Pitch's hand flew to his head and he spent about a minute fiddling with it. His hair apparently had a mind of it's own and refused to stand up when he slicked it back. It just sat there limply and after another minute Pitch growled, "Ugh! Whatever. It isn't worth it."

"So what, you're just going to let it flop like that?" Abby asked sarcastically.

Pitch gritted his teeth. "_What would you have me do_?" Pitch asked harshly.

"Pop into your bedroom for a minute and use some of that hair gel I know you have an abundant supply of." she replied.

Pitch sighed. "Is there anything you _don't_ know about me?" he demanded.

"Shoe size." Abby quipped. "Complete mystery to me."

"ha ha." Pitch deadpanned. "Seriously, what do I do about my hair?"

"Gel it." Abby suggested. "And you might want to hurry. My cameras say that she's cleared the first six passages, but if she takes the wrong turn now she could get lost for a while."

Pitch smiled. "See to it." then he took off down the hall towards his bedroom.

"What am I, his butler?" Abby grumbled.

"That's what friends are for Abby!" Pitch called as he headed back to his room.

"Jackass."

"Heard that!"

"Tool."

"Heard that too!"

Abby sighed and shook her head, smiling. She was gonna have a really _really_ hard time getting used to this. "Your wish is my command, oh friend." she said sarcastically.

"Just hurry!"

"Prick."

XXXXXXXXX

Toothiana was highly confused. She'd expected nightmares to come charging out at her or black sand to stream out from crevices and bind her, but nothing happened. Abby must've told Pitch to expect her.

"Hello?" she called, peering into the gloom. She couldn't see a single thing beyond ten feet and it was creeping her out. The cave around her was black and dank. She could smell sulfur on the air and she wondered if there might be some underground springs in Pitch's caves. That would be a worth-while sight. Freshwater springs from deep underground were always the freshest, as Tooth learned when she began building her palace in Asia. Water had to come from somewhere to keep her trees alive, so why not underground? It didn't have any nasty human impurities or chemicals and it was already there, so not much needed to be done except to re-rout it to her rivers and lakes.

Tooth took a tentative step through the mouth of the cave. The barrier that she'd helped erect about two months ago had been temporarily disbanded so that she could get through, but she'd erected it back up again as soon as she'd flown in. She didn't think Pitch would make a run for it, but she also didn't trust him completely. If he was lying and Abby was just an accomplice, then only her life would be in danger. Plus, he couldn't open the barrier without her. If he was truly lying, then he couldn't kill her anyway. He would need her for leverage.

"Hello?" she asked again, taking another tentative step towards the big black gaping hole. It felt like she was walking willingly into the mouth of a huge monster! Well, he _was_ the Boogeyman after all. It was his _job_ to creep people out and, since she was a Guardian, he probably relished this moment quite a lot.

"OK Pitch, I'm gonna count to five. Either scare me or gimme some light. Not all of us can see in the dark."

No reply.

"One. . ." Tooth began knowing that a huge fright was probably coming. She heard scuffles and muffled talking farther in.

"Two. . ."

The voices were growing louder and Tooth took several steps in.

"Three. . . Oh _forget it_!" she snapped, steeling herself and striding forward into the darkness. She didn't care! She just wanted to get this over with!

She was about ten feet in before she tripped over a rock and swore in a way you would not expect the Tooth fairy to swear. _If_ you expected the Tooth fairy to swear at all. She started cussing up a storm while hopping on one foot and rubbing the other with her right hand. The left was bracing herself up against the wall.

"OW!" she hollered. "Stupid blasted rocks popping up out of nowhere in the blasted darkness! Why can't the blasted Boogeyman have some light in here?!"

Silence.

Tooth gritted her teeth. OK, so this was strike one against Pitch.

_No, _she thought, rubbing her foot and staring sourly at the mark left by the sharp rock. _That's not being fair. It's not his fault I tripped. The darkness is what he likes. Would he blame me if he tripped over a tree root in my home? No, he wouldn't._

With that in mind, Toothiana bravely ventured through the darkness, occasionally stubbing her toe and swearing. After about ten minutes of this, Tooth stopped and tried to take in her surroundings. There wasn't much. The black tunnel stretched on before her and behind her. That was all. There were no visible signs that could tell her where she was and there was only one way to find out where Pitch was. "PITCH" Tooth screamed at the top of her lungs.

Her voice reverberated around her, echoy and lonely. _"Pitch! Pitch! Pitch!"_

"Great. That didn't work." Tooth muttered. "Hellooooo! Pitch, Somebody, help me out here! I'm lost!"

"_I'm lost, I'm lost, I'm lost!"_

Tooth roller her eyes. If she didn't know any better, she would've sworn this place had surround sound.

"Toothiana is the greatest Guardian in the world!"

"_No chance, no way, no how, no nothing."_

"Boy I hate an echo that ad-libs." Tooth muttered. Then she did a double-take. "_HUH?!"_

"Oh_ GODS _I love doing that! You should see how many kids I've freaked out that way!" a happy female voice said from somewhere behind her.

Tooth whirled around and raised her fists, ready for a fight.

"Easy fairy. It's just me."

Tooth blinked. "Abby?"

"Dat's ma name, don't wear it out!"

Tooth sighed. "What are you doing here?" she asked tersely, lowering her fists. "I thought Pitch was-"

"He's here." Abby said. "He's just experiencing minor technical difficulties right now. He asked me to lead you to the sitting-room and then ask you of you'd wait patently for him. His hair gel has a little bit longer to dry- Oops!" she giggled. "Well I've spilled them beans now!"

Tooth cocked her head and raised an eyebrow. "Hair gel?"

"I said nothing." Abby said. "And, unless you want to embarrass him for all eternity, I recommend not mentioning it. He's already nervous enough as it is."

Tooth blinked. "He's nervous?"

Abby laughed. "Uh, _yeah_ he is. He was a flippin' _wreck_ when you showed up; flinging his stuff everywhere, trying to- in his own words, _tidy the place up before she comes. _Poor guy. He's really agitated about this whole thing. Jumpy as a box of crickets."

Tooth nodded, then she looked up at the ceiling where Abby's voice was coming from. "Why do _you_ care?" she asked curiously.

Abby didn't respond for a bit. Then, just as Tooth was going to ask again, she spoke. "I'll answer that later." she said firmly. "Right now we've got to get you to the living room before he comes back and starts to freak out."

Tooth nodded and shrugged. "OK." then she started to head off down the passage but Abby stopped her.

"Hold it!"

"What?" Tooth asked.

"You're going the wrong way." Abby said.

Tooth looked puzzled. "But this is the only way. The way back to the entrance is that way," she said, pointing behind her.

"I know. I mean the opening right behind you."

Tooth whirled around. There was nothing but dark wall there, as far as she could see.

"I don't see anything." she stated flatly.

"Huh?" Abby said. Then she let out an exclamation. "OHHHHH, I GET IT!" she said rather loudly, laughing. "Pitch put _illusions_ up!_ I_ can see them because camera eyes are sharper that human. Trust me, walk straight toward and you'll come to a passage that will lead you to his living room."

Tooth looked up again with a dubious look on her face. "Ummm, are you absolutely sure?"

"Sure I'm sure." Abby replied smugly. "Just walk forward!"

Tooth did as she was bid. She took one step, then two. Then, just as she was sure her head was about to smack into the wall-

"See? I told you!" Abby crowed.

Tooth felt her hands touching air. Cold, cool air where there should be stone. She continued to walk until she felt something brush against her fingertips. She jerked her hand back, but when Abby told her that it was alright she reached out again and felt the sides of the opening. They were smooth and sandy. Flakes rubbed off when she scraped her hand against it and she knew that Abby had been right. _How_ had she not seen that?

"It's kind of like that bit from the Labyrinth." Abby said. "When the worm tells her to go through the wall and it's an optical illusion. Like that!"

Tooth nodded thoughtfully. "I watched that movie once. Hated it, but I get what you're saying." she giggled. "Pitch must've taken the maze of tunnels idea from that movie. Copycat."

"Meh. Most villains are copying something off each other." Abby replied. "Now hurry! He's gonna be done soon!"

Tooth set off but before she got more than ten steps, she stopped and frowned. "How do you know?"

"Eh?"

"How do you know what he's doing?" Tooth asked, peering up at the ceiling curiously.

"Because I have a psychic mind connection with him and we can share thoughts over great distances, as well as teleport objects back and forth between each other."

Tooth blinked. "Really?"

"No. I have my cameras working in the entire cave, including his bedroom."

"Uhhh, isn't that kind of stalker-ish?" Tooth asked.

"Nope. It's just keeping an eye on your friend."

Tooth raised an eyebrow. "Oh, so you're friends now?"

"Yep. What, did you not get the memo? Yeah, me and the Boogerman are bestest BFF's now. Soon I'll be sharing my shoes with him and spending late nights going make-up."

Tooth cracked a grin. "I don't think he's the make-up type."

"Meh. Who said it was voluntary?"

Tooth shook her head and started off down the hall. "You're evil."

"And happily so!"

XXXXXXXXX

Abby guided Tooth through the maze-like tunnels for a good fifteen minutes before Tooth stopped and accused Abby of not knowing where the heck she was going.

"Nonsense!" Abby said, sounding offended. "I know full well there we are!"

"Oh yeah? Where?" Tooth jeered.

"We're lost." Abby said simply.

"_Why_ am I not surprised?" Tooth muttered. "Do you have any idea of how to get me out of here?"

"Um. . . holler as loud as you can for Pitch?" Abby suggested.

Tooth ground her teeth, then she realized what she was doing and her hands flew to them, rubbing the caps to make sure there wasn't any damage. "I can take care of myself." she said. "I don't need some-"

"Tooth, just jump off the pride wagon before you get yourself killed." Abby said in a _no nonsense_ tone. "Just call him! It's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal?!" she repeated, stunned. "It's a _huge_ deal! I have my female pride, you know! I can't just let some man- my enemy, no less, swoop in and save me. Forget it!"

"Fine." Abby said. "You can just get eaten then."

Abby blinked. "Eaten?"

"Yeah. I mean, you're a female and females don't generally have testicles so the spider might not eat you, but I wouldn't bet on it."

Tooth blinked, bewildered. "Testicles? Spider? What the heck are you talking about?"

"Oh, I'm talking about the big testicle-eating spider behind you." Abby said casually. "It's fine though. I'm sure you can handle one little spider without-"

"PIIIIIIIITCH!"

"Then again. . ."

XXXXXXXXX

Pitch whirled around. He'd just finished putting the last touches of hair-gel in his luscious black locks and now he had to wait ten minutes for them to dry. If he moved a lot, the hair would flop back onto his head and he'd be left looking like a ton of water had just poured on him. Not very agreeable.

Pitch had just sat down to comb it and try to calm down a bit before speaking to Toothiana, when he heard an awful howl- like children screaming bloody murder and glass shattering. It came from deep within his caves and stretched on loud and long, going up in volume the longer it lasted until Pitch had to put his hands over his ears. Then it suddenly cut off and, for an awful minute, Pitch thought that some creature had found it's way into his caves. Then he dismissed this idea.

"No, I put warding spells around the entrances." he told himself, staring at the opening that led out into the tunnels where the yell had come from. "Nobody can come in but-"

"PIIIIIIITCH!"

Pitch's eyes widened. "TOOTH!" he bellowed, bolting from the room and down into the maze of tunnels. He cloud hear her shrieking and a strange _Ksssssssht Kssssssht_ noise that sounded like hissing. Had she gotten bitten by a poisonous snake?!

"Oh moon no, please no!" he begged. "GRAH! I just _knew_ this would all turn out bad!"

He ran and ran, occasionally phasing out and running through walls just to cut time. She was screaming her head off and the hissing sounds were getting louder and louder. His mind raced with horrible gory thoughts about what could've happened to her. There were creatures living in his caves that hadn't been seen in millennium. Slimy things from the deepest oceans, crusty rock-encased beings wrought from the earth itself, beings that had existed on this earth since before even the man in the moon's time!

Pitch shuddered as he ran. There was no telling which of these beasts had cornered Toothiana. What was she doing so deep in anyway? Abby had said that she hadn't made it past the second-

"_Abby_!" Pitch exclaimed. "Of course! She's setting it up so that I get to be the hero! I'll save Toothiana, she'll be in my debt, and she'll be more inclined to believe me! HA!" He could've laughed at the genius of her plan. He would get to be the savior and she-

Pitch frowned, but he didn't stop. "What does she get out of it?"

"I'M YOU FRIEND!" Abby's voice shouted in his ear as he ran. "I don't need _compensation_! I'm doing this for the sake of _love_ and _justice_ and _redemption_-"

Pitch snorted.

"OK, and reviews," Abby said grudgingly. "but that's beside the point. The point is, Mr. Knight in shining- er, _gloomy_, man-dress-"

"ROBE!"

"Robe, right- I said robe. Anyway, you have a chance to amp up your points with Tooth! Show her you aren't all gloomy _robes_ and no dignity!"

"Since when have I had no dignity?" Pitch asked, surprised.

"Since I caught that video of you sucking your thumb three nights ago." Abby replied. "And you talk in your sleep by the way. What exactly is a _black forest gum-chuckle _anyway?"

Pitch blushed furiously. "I don't talk in my sleep." he said, furiously embarrassed.

"Bull. I have footage of you having lengthy conversation with me on the subject of floral arrangements. Also, every time I said why, you said the F word. Care to comment?"

"I have a sleeping disorder." Pitch said shortly. Then he frowned. "And why are you talking to me while I'm asleep?"

"Curiosity." Abby replied. "I have a friend who curses in her sleep every time someone talks to her. It's weird, but I wanted to see if you had the same thing. Nobody else I talked to seems to have it."

"Really?"

"I'm dead serious. She says F*** every time someone talks to her. Trust me. I got cussed out by a sleeping woman. That sticks with you."

Pitch narrowed his eyes. "I don't believe you."

"Believe me or no, Toothy's running out of time, so I suggest you stop talking to me and-"

Pitch doubled his pace.

"That's my boy."

Pitch growled. "OK, I appreciate you trying to make me look like a hero, but don't put Tooth in danger anymore, please? If she does die _I'll_ be held responsible. Then I'll never be able to redeem myself to the Guardians."

"It amazes me how much you've changed, Pitch." Abby said, smiling. Pitch couldn't see it but she was happy, so she smiled anyway. "A month ago you would've... how did you put it?_ Pulled out all her teeth and made them into a necklace?"_

Pitch blushed again. "If you tell her about that then I'm going to-"

"Going to _what_?" Abby asked smirking. "Pound me? Yell at me? Send me _nightmares_?" Pitch could hear the teasing tone, but he stoically ignored it. "Bah. You shall do NOTHING to the great writer Mystichawk!" Abby proclaimed.

Pitch hated to admit is, but she was right. He had admitted, to her face, that she was his friend. And he never went back on a declaration.

"OK, OK," he said. "You win. I wouldn't do anything to you."

"HA! YA! BOOM-SHAKALAKA! TAKE THAT EVIL BOOGEYMAN!"

"_Abby_!" Pitch moaned.

"Sorry. Powerpuff girls fan from five years old."

Pitch rolled his eyes. "Just tell me where she is."

"Thirty feet away." Abby said. "Battling a spider."

"Oh." Pitch said, then he blinked. "A spider? Did you say a-"

"Yeah, Toothiana has violent arachnophobia. I think it comes of being part bird and, well, you know how spiders eat some small birds."

Pitch laughed. "Indeed. I used to own a Goliath bird-eating spider and I fed it blue birds. It was quite a nice animal as I recall."

"You're strange."

"That's the pot calling the kettle black." Pitch replied, smirking.

"Still, feeding blue birds to spiders. That's like. . ." she paused, then she unexpectedly laughed. "Man, you must've been just like Bones growing up. Frikking catching birds and mice and dissecting them using lasers. Yeah, I can just imagine you doing that."

". . .I have no idea to what you are referring to but I assure you I have never cut open animals to dissect them. Anyway, I didn't expect the arachnophobia thing. It's rather interesting." then he smiled. "Well, if it's just a little spider then this will be a piece of cake!"

Abby laughed. Was it his imagination, or was there a note of nervousness in her voice? "Yeah. Easy." she said.

Pitch laughed again and as he ran towards the sound of Tooth's shrieking voice, he thought,_ Maybe I have something in common with Toothiana after all! Of course I'm not _afraid_ of spiders, but I understand how the fear works. Maybe I can help her grow out of it, if she'll let me._

"TOOTH! I'm coming!" he called.

Muffled cries that were quite loud in volume but blocked by walls and other obstacles made their way through to Pitch's ears and he re-doubled his pace once more. He was getting closer. He could hear more and more noises and now he was getting nervous. That _Ksssssssht Ksssssssht_ noise was getting louder.

Abby spoke up. "You're coming right up to the tunnel where she is. Be careful."

"Careful?" Pitch repeated, smiling. "You said it was a spider. I can't get poisoned, so what damage could a _spider_ do?"

Abby didn't respond and Pitch had a sudden sense of foreboding. Was there something to this spider that Abby wasn't telling him?

"No," he whispered. Abby was his friend now! She wouldn't-

And then he stopped up short as a horrible, shaggy _thing_ came into view at the far end of a tunnel lighted by glowing minerals. The creature had it's back to him and Pitch heard a soft hissing sound.

"Ksssssssht. Ksssssssht."

Pitch blanched. "I THOUGHT YOU SAID IT WAS A SPIDER!" he yelled backing up swiftly as the beast, who he now realized had _eight hairy legs_ that swiveled it's body around until Pitch was staring into several dozen red-black eyes.

"Ksssssssht. Ksssssssht."

"It is." Abby said. "Oh, but it's a giant spider. Did I forget to tell you that?"

"YES!"

"Oh. Then I probably forgot to tell you that this is a giant testicle-eating spider. It probably would make an exception for Tooth, but it's now going to eat you first. Because you have-"

"ABBY! _WHAT_ HAVE YOU GOTTEN ME INTO?!"

"What does it look like? I'm making you the hero!"

_I DON'T WANNA BE A HERO IF IT MEANS- _Pitch raged internally, backing up as far as he could. The spider was advancing, clicking it's pinchers and hissing like a snake. The thing was gigantic! It's legs were each the size of two man's legs and the pinchers were about three feet long and half a foot across! They dripped black saliva and a shiny substance that must've been paralytic poison, to make it easier to eat it's victims He hoped that Toothiana hadn't been bitten!

Pitch summoned a long cord of nightmare sand and drew back his hand threateningly. "Back, foul creature!" he said, trying to sound like the heroes he'd seen in movies. He had a feeling he was shaking. "Back I say!"

"PITCH!" Tooth screamed. "RUN!"

Good. That meant she wasn't paralyzed "No Toothiana," Pitch yelled back. "I'll send this freak of nature scurrying back into it's hidey-hole, crying for mommy and daddy spider!" Did that sound right? Yes, he thought sounded much more like a hero and not so freaked out, which he was. Yes, the great Boogeyman, lord of shadows and nightmares, king of under the beds, was a little freaked out by a giant spider. And you wouldn't be?

"C'mon Pitch, get it!" Abby yelled and at the exact same instant the creature struck, lashing out with it's fangs, saliva and venom flinging everywhere! Pitch ducked and dodged to the side. Venom ate away at the rock he'd been backed up against like acid and he made sure he hadn't gotten any on himself before lashing out with his own weapon against the beast. The spider scuttled to the side with much more speed and dexterity than Pitch associated with a being of it's bulk and the whip landed on bare rock.

"Blast!" Pitch cursed, rolling to the side to avoid being crunched by the spider's left third leg as it came thundering towards him. He was on the ground and the spider was trying to pin him now, crawling over him and trying to use it's back legs to wrap him up and Pitch was just too fast, rolling and dodging. Despite his immediate danger, being beneath the spider provided some choice access to weak points in the spider's hide and he used this to his advantage, sending a nightmare-sand sword straight into the spider's underbelly.

The spider hissed in anger and Pitch used the momentum of his strike to slide himself out from underneath the monster and over to the other side of the room. He still couldn't get close to Toothiana, who was hovering in a corner at the area between wall and ceiling. He thought she might be crying. "It's OK Toothiana," he called. "I'm-"

Then the spider came up from behind him- he thought that thing was _dead_! -and delivered a blow with it's front legs, slashing the back of his robes. Pitch cried out and dropped to one knee. It hurt like fury and there was no doubt poison in the wound, but Pitch ignored it. He couldn't black out now. He needed to protect Toothiana, and this was just another thing to drive him to kill this beast.

Pitch turned around and swiftly drew his whip, lashing out with it. Pain blurred his vision but he ignored that too. He needed to kill this monster! He lashed out with his whip again and again! The beast dodged the first attack but it was unprepared for the second. The whip landed a blow, then he snapped it back and wrapped it around two of the legs of the giant spider. Thinking he'd as good as won, Pitch gave the rope a heave, expecting the monster to come crashing down, but the spider stayed firmly upright. Pitch gasped and fell back a few feet. Moon this beast was strong!

It came forward about a foot, seething and hissing with rage. Pitch noticed that as the beast came forward it swayed slightly and was unsteady on it's feet, like it was drunk. Pitch paid this no mind as he struck again and again. Each time he struck the beast tottered, then regained it's footing. Pitch began to notice this pattern as he struck a sixth time and then a seventh. The seventh time the spider barely had enough energy to stand up! Pitch's eyes widened. _Of course! The nightmare sand! _He thought excitedly. _The beast is being overwhelmed by the sand! First that sword, now the whip! One more blow ought to bring it down!_

The nightmare sand was a complex instrument. It gave children and often adults bad dreams, but it also had a hidden property that Pitch refused to use. He wasn't in the business of physically hurting children and he hoped the Guardians would see that. If the sand was touched by a being other than him, then that being would be pulled into their worst memories. They would experience every sensation, feel every blow, hear every angry word and they couldn't stop it until he chose to release the sand. This he had never done, on the basis that he could kill a child. And he did not want that.

One of the other properties of the sand was paralysis. If the sand touched something long enough, that thing became paralyzed with utter fear and would probably die. This was another thing that he'd never seen in action, but he knew all about it. Fear was his domain and he had to know these things, horrid though they were. If a child were to touch the Nightmare sand, they would be completely terrified. Paralyzed, forever. Adults might be able to fight it off, but he didn't know.

The spider lashed out with a sticky string, to doubt trying to catch him and wrap him up like a common housefly. Pitch dodged and sent another tendril of nightmare sand shooting out of his forefinger. He was astounded that this creature, who had nightmare sand working inside of it, was still alive!

_It should be dead by now,_ he thought. Then he realized, this creature was from _his_ caves, after all. It probably had some dark resistance that he knew nothing about.

"Go figure." he muttered.

The sand hit the monster head-on and the spider froze in place, staring at him with it's wide red-black eyes.

Pitch's eyes widened again. So the sand paralyzed animals too! Huh. That was mildly interesting.

"Less think, more kill!" Abby's voice said from behind him.

Pitch nodded and, armed with this new-found knowledge and much more confident now, rose up to confront the creature. This was the last battle. Either it would be dead, or he would be. He didn't have the strength for more whips and the beast was paralyzed, for the moment, but he could see the hairs on the legs moving and knew that soon the spider would come out of it's stupor.

"HURRY!" Abby yelled.

"I know," Pitch said. He looked up, trying to see Toothiana. For how bright she was, she blended in with the rock and shadows quite well. He spotted her after about five seconds. She was still up as high as the ceiling would allow her to go and watching with wide, frightened eyes as he battled the spider. Pitch inwardly sighed. Abby was going to have to answer for this _big-time_.

"Don't worry Toothiana, I'll help you. Just as soon as I kill this thing!" Pitch called. He gathered all his strength. The creature began to move again but before it could take more than a step Pitch lashed out at the creature with four nightmare-sand whips instead of one. They each grabbed two legs and, with a tremendous amount of effort and excursion, Pitch dragged the monster forward and off it's feet. The creature crashed to the ground, completely petrified with fear and it lay there, not moving. It was dead.

"Oh thank the moon!" Tooth cried, zipping over the spider husk and towards him. Before Pitch knew what was happening Tooth had flung her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder. To make things more complicated, she was _sobbing_! "You did it! You killed it!" she said through her tears. _"I was so scared!"_

Pitch looked up at the ceiling where Abby was no doubt mentally screaming at him to hug her back. He knew from watching countless children wake up screaming and their parents rushing in to hold them that, after a nightmare or some kind of fright, people expected to be comforted and told that there was nothing to fear. That it was all over now.

Well, he wasn't going to go _that_ far. Being the Boogeyman you _had_ to allow a certain amount of fear to reside, but he thought Tooth deserved _some_ kind of comfort. It was a big thing to be virtually held hostage by a big ugly spider and she was obviously traumatized by the whole thing. Pitch settled for patting her back in what he hoped was a comforting way, hoping that she wouldn't do the same. He could feel the poison from the spider working it's way through his system already and it hurt to stand. A pat on the back would send him crashing down to unconsciousness

Dear moon, he thought. That would be a horrible prospect, passing out on Toothiana. That would be very bad. He wasn't sure what Toothiana would do, probably leave him in the tunnel and get the other Guardians or she might try to pick him up and carry him to his room. That would be very bad, not to mention _extremely_ embarrassing and diminishing of his pride.

"Don't worry Toothiana, it's dead." he said, patting her again. Tooth didn't loosed her grip.

"I was so scared!" she sobbed again. He could feel her tears

"I know." Pitch said. "I could smell it coming off of you like perfume." He _still_ could. It smelled like lavender; sweet, yet bitter and tangy.

That broke through to Tooth's sensible mind and she pulled back slightly, but she still had her arms around his neck. Pitch felt his face heating up. She was so close! How many times had he imagined holding her like this? He shook his head slightly. _No, focus man! You have a job to do and if Toothiana is up for it, you need to complete that job._

"Um, Toothiana?" Pitch said hesitantly.

Tooth blinked. "Huh?" Then she noticed where she was and how close in proximity she was with the Boogeyman. "OH!" she squeaked and her arms whipped back to her sides. Pitch found he missed her touch as he watched the fairy-woman buzz back a few feet and lowered her head. "Sorry." Was it him, or did she look embarrassed?

"No no, it's quite alright." Pitch said, taking a step towards her. "There was a lot of fear in the atmosphere and it was logical that you experienced some. I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable."

Tooth refused to look him in the eye and a slight blush tinged her cheeks. "It's not that. I- uh. . ."

Pitch as right in front of her now he could feel the beat of her wings and she bobbed up and down, trying to keep aloft. "Toothiana, it's OK." he said, trying to keep the pain out of his voice. His back was beginning to burn now. Walking sent his back into a fiery inferno of pain and he had to fight to stay awake. "Come on. Let's get out of here. I have a library with a fireplace where you can relax if you wish."

Tooth looked up. "You have a library?" she asked, mildly surprised.

Pitch smiled. "Yes, when I'm not out scaring the pants off little children I sit down in a nice, cozy leather armchair and read a book with a nice cup of tea."

Tooth smiled nervously. "Sorry. I just, well, I didn't know you liked to read."

Pitch put a hand on her shoulder and gently steered her towards the tunnel which led to his caves. "I know. Not many people know much about my personal habits. Actually, you're the only one who knows about my secret reading passion."

Tooth let him lead her to the mouth of the cave and out into the tunnel, then she felt a heavy weight drop down from her shoulder and she turned in dismay to see Pitch slumped against the wall, his eyes closed in pain.

"PITCH!" she yelled, flying over to him and shaking his shoulder.

Pitch coughed. "Toothiana, it's OK. I'm just a little t- tired."

Then he fell back and landed hard on the stone ground with a groan. He blinked and looked up at Tooth. She was kneeling at his side and she had her hand over his forehead. He was burning up.

"Pitch, did that spider bite you?" she asked.

"N- no." Pitch coughed. "It...it _swiped_ me. On my back. Nothing-"

"Turn over right now!" Tooth ordered.

Pitch tried to do as she asked, but the pain was too much and he passed out.

"Oh hell," Tooth swore quietly. "Pitch? C'mon, I can't carry you! You're thin as a stick but you're still too heavy for me."

Pitch didn't reply.

"Oh hell!" Tooth swore again. "ABBY!"

"I'm here. I've been here for a while." Abby said. Her voice was low and she sounded sad.

"What am I supposed to do?!" Tooth cried, putting her hands around Pitch's neck and trying to lift his head but he groaned and slipped from her grasp. Luckily her hand moved to where his head would land before it did so that he wouldn't have a bump on the head as well as an injured back.

"Summon about fifty of your girls." Abby said immediately. "Tell them to come here and then swear them to secrecy. Tell them not to tell the Guardians and they can help you lift Pitch back to his room. Once we get past that, I'll tell you what I think we can do to help him."

Tooth nodded and, without hesitation, sent a mental message to fifty of her fairies and Baby Tooth. _Girls, I need your help. Someone is injured and I need you to come help me pick them up._ Tooth thought. Her message to Baby Tooth was longer and more detailed. _Baby Tooth, I need your help. I decided to go down to Pitch's caves to see if he really was trying to change._

Tooth felt the psychic link that connected her to her thousand girls throb and the emotions of Baby Tooth came flooding into her mind. Apprehension was the most prominent, along with anger and worry._ Oh mother, he didn't hurt you did he? _Anger burned in Baby Tooth's heart. _If he did I swear I will peck his beady eyes out!_

_No no,_ Tooth thought hurriedly_. He didn't hurt me. Actually, he _saved_ me. _

_Saved you? _Baby Tooth repeated. Confusion took the place of the fiery emotions that had washed over Toothiana. _From what?_

_A giant spider. _Tooth thought.

Tooth could feel Baby Tooth's surprise and she thought, _No no, it's true. He saved me from a giant spider, but got hurt in the process. I can't lift him and I've already called fifty of my other girls to help me lift him, but I need you to do something special. I need you to head to the pole and tell Phil to give you the recipe for healing poisoned spider bites. Tell him, if he asks, that it's for a few of my fairies who got tangled in a spider web but got away with a few bites._

Silence for a few seconds, then, _OK mother. I'll be there in a bit._

_Good. Thank you dear. _And that was that.

There was a good reason for Tooth choosing not to tell her other girls. Simply, The other girls wouldn't come if they knew that it was Pitch, just because of past encounters, but Baby Tooth knew that Pitch wasn't all bad. She knew that Pitch only wanted belief and Baby Tooth seemed to have more of a consciousness than her sisters. Where her sisters hated Pitch for what he'd done, Baby Tooth was willing to give Pitch a second chance.

Tooth leaned down and brushed a lock of hair away from Pitch's face.

"Just hold on, OK Pitch?" she asked, laying her hand on his forehead. "My girls are coming."

"I assume you just asked your daughters to come help?" Abby said.

"Yes, they're coming in a few minutes."

"Good."

"And I think I have a way to help Pitch."

Abby was surprised. "Really?"

"Yes. North's library has a vast collection of books about every kind of thing, including healing. Phil, the yeti, told me he keeps the books clean and mended and he even reads a few, particularly the ones about herbs. He's a bit of an amateur herbalist and likes making up odd tinctures and potions that do wonders for spirits. He's helped me with poisoned spider bites and wasp stings that my girls have gotten before, so he shouldn't be suspicious."

"That's brilliant work Tooth!" Abby exclaimed. "To be honest, I was hoping you owed one of the spirits who dealt with healing a favor and that they might not tell the Guardians."

"That's not half a bad idea either," Tooth admitted. "But I think Phil is a better bet. I don't know of any healing spirits that I trust."

"OK. So, do you know how to apply whatever medicine Phil gives Baby Tooth?"

Tooth nodded. "My girls get into a good bit of trouble when they're doing their job. Torn wings from dog bites, scratches from cats attacking them thinking they were blue birds, and bit by spiders occasionally, so I do deal with this a lot. My girls are fast, but they aren't fast enough to avoid determined cats."

"Poor baby teeth." Abby said.

"Yes." Tooth agreed. "It's hard when that happens. They always make it, but it still scares me every time."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Tooth stroking Pitch's forehead and Abby silently awaiting Tooth's fairies.

Finally, after five minutes, Abby opened her mouth and asked, "Do you care about him?"

Tooth looked up. "What?"

"Do...you..._care_ about Pitch?" Abby said again.

Tooth frowned and stayed silent for about a minute. She was obviously working something out in her head and Abby didn't blame her. It _was_ a difficult question.

"Tooth, I just want to know." Abby said gently . "We're both girls here and I'll keep your secret, no matter what you choose."

Tooth sighed. "Abby, it's complicated." she said tiredly.

"What's so complicated about it?" Abby asked, genuinely sounding surprised. "If you don't, then Pitch is getting his hopes up for nothing. If you do, then I was right and you can finally help end hundreds of years of fighting between the Guardians and Pitch."

Tooth nodded slowly and sat there for a long time, stroking Pitch's head absentmindedly. She was still thinking.

"Tell me something Abby," Tooth asked after a bit, looking up at the ceiling. "Despite all these years of fighting, the Guardians have never really understood why Pitch fought them so fiercely. They- we, didn't understand his reasoning behind it, so we just attributed it to rage and blind anger."

Abby smiled. "He fought because he was bitter and angry against the Guardians for their continual bad treatment of him," she said. "They never gave him a chance, they never asked him about what he liked to do or got to know him. That's mostly why he's angry."

"Yes," Tooth said slowly. "But why? I know we were bit unfair to him but we weren't that bad! If he would've just _talked_ to us-"

"Tooth, you Guardians are the agents of the Man in the Moon. The one being Pitch hates above all others. He wasn't going to talk to you unless he was completely and utterly beaten and broken."

Tooth blinked. "Why was Pitch angry with Manny?" she asked. Truth be told, she didn't know much about the whole feud between the older Guardians and Pitch. She was the youngest Guardian and as such hadn't been around in the beginning when the feuding started. Come to think of it, there was only one Guardian who had, to her knowledge. That was Sanderson McSnoozles, the Sandman.

"I don't know his full reasons," Abby admitted. "but I assume it has something to do with the Man in the Moon appointing the Guardians without even asking his opinion."

"No one tells Manny what to do." Tooth said firmly. "And, to my knowledge, Manny has never altered his plans because of someone's opinions."

"Manny sounds a bit like a chess-player." Abby muttered. "Moving pawns and other pieces at his will. The only question is, who is the other player?"

Tooth didn't know how to answer this, so she coughed and continued to stroke Pitch.

"There's probably a reason why he didn't tell Pitch." she said after a while. "He knew he would try to interfere. You didn't see the Dark Ages, Abby."

"No, but I heard about it from him and from the movie. I admit Pitch _might've_ gone a bit overboard in the Dark Ages, but he knew his limits. He never killed and he never physically hurt. He tormented plenty of children with nightmares, but he never went farther than that."

Tooth nodded. "That's true."

"Pitch is a good man," Abby said gently. "but he was afraid of either turning into a true monster, a being with no morals and no qualms about hurting humans, or disappearing completely from lack of energy and fear. "

Tooth nodded. "I understand." she said. "And I know that the Guardians have been a bit prejudice, but they thought they were doing the right thing."

"Pitch is just like Jack!" Abby said. "They both were alone and they both were distrusted. The only difference is they were on different sides and the Guardians decided to take a chance on Jack, despite past conflicts. They didn't trust Pitch."

Tooth nodded. "And now I see that is a mistake, but you have to understand we were thinking about the _world_, Abby. We didn't know what he would do and he acted like he just wanted to take over everything. He even said as much! Nothing but fear and darkness, remember?"

Abby sighed. "That's what you Guardians don't seem to understand!" she exclaimed. "He _needs_ fear to live and the world needs fear to stay safe. That's why he's trying to fight you Guardians. He doesn't want to die or disappear, or whatever useless spirits do. Now I know that Pitch may have gone a little overboard with the whole take-over-the-world thing, but he had no other choice! It was either that, or slowly diminish into nothingness, leaving the world in disarray."

Tooth bowed her head. "I'm sorry Abby, you are right. I haven't known him as long as Sandy or Manny have, but I do know that he tried to be a good person before. And when that didn't work he chose to be evil, but he didn't go _all_ evil."

"That doesn't exist." Abby said firmly.

"True. Real evil doesn't exist." Tooth agreed. "It's only the opinions of other people and the intentions of the person concerned that makes them believe they are evil."

"I never knew you were philosophical." Abby said absently.

"I'm not, usually, but I had some trouble in my past that had a lot to do with evil and how people discerned it." Tooth explained, shrugging. "Besides, to be a Guardian you _have_ to know the difference between intentional evil and situational evil. Sometimes we don't get it quite right," Tooth admitted. "but we try our best."

Abby nodded. "I understand. Maybe after all this the Guardians can finally make peace with the Boogeyman and they will stop all this senseless fighting."

Tooth nodded in agreement. "Maybe." Then she looked up. "It's you!" she said, frowning up at the speaker and speaking as if understanding something for the first time. "You're the one who set this all in motion. You're responsible."

Abby smiled. "Yes, but that's only because I wanted to help. I admit I haven't exactly told you all the truth about things, but I did it with my reasons. No true chess player gives away their strategy in the center of the game, just like no true helper give away all their ideas before everything is done."

"Now who's being philosophical?" Tooth asked, smiling.

Abby shrugged. "I am a writer." she said. "Despite everything I've done, the jokes and the teasing, what I truly am is a writer. And all writers have a bit of philosopher in them. It's generic, I think."

Tooth nodded. "That sounds about right. Well, whatever you are Abby, once this is all over we will owe you a debt. Pitch, me, and even the rest of the Guardians. We will owe you for the rest of our-"

"Don't." Abby said, cutting her off. Her voice was flat and it brooked no argument. "You don't owe me a thing."

Tooth blinked. "But-"

"No. I don't need anything from you or the Guardians." she said firmly. "Just changing hundreds of years of fighting-"

"Thousands, actually."

"_Thousands_ of years of fighting, is enough for me." Abby finished.

Tooth and Abby stayed silent for another long time, then Tooth heard the flapping of wings and she knew her girls were coming.

"Good." she said absentmindedly. "Good. They're coming." she stood, laying Pitch's head down on the floor and rising off of the floor, heading towards the opening of the tunnel. "Here girls! Here!"

The fairy girls came flying in through the tunnel and stopped just short of their mother. They started chirping and when they caught sight of Pitch, they let out shrill squeals and backed up.

"Hey, he's unconscious!" Tooth reprimanded. "And I need your help to move him to his room!"

More shrill squeaking.

"Yes, you have to." Tooth said sternly. "Now, twenty of you take hold of his arms and twenty on his legs. Five of you go beneath and keep him aloft at each end and I'll support his head."

The girls looked at each other, then they grudgingly did as they were asked. They lifted Pitch up and headed down the corridor, following the directions of their mother and Abby as she followed behind her girls, holding Pitch's head. They made their way to his room and, before Tooth could direct her girls through the open door, Abby let out a small laugh.

"Oh, Tooth, don't be surprised if this place is highly messy."

Tooth shrugged. "Can't be worse than some of the kids's rooms I've seen." She said, smiling. She ordered her fairies to keep going and they obeyed.

They didn't make it past two feet into the room before a torrent of squeaking protests started up.

"What's wrong?" Tooth asked. She still couldn't see the inside of the room.

More squeaking.

"HE DOES?!" Tooth exclaimed with a look of utter disgust on her face. "Oh that's just _nasty_!"

"Told you." Abby said smugly. "What did they say?"

"They say he has a pile of pizza boxes and shoes and smelly blankets all heaped up in the center of the room. The boxes are molding and there isn't a corner without a spiderweb in it. Dust everywhere, dead flies, plenty of other nastiness as well."

"OK, we're going to take him to the livingroom. Forget the bedroom. Too unsanitary." Tooth said, asking her girls to take Pitch to the livingroom. They grumbled, but they agreed and soon Pitch was being laid down on the black leather couch.

Tooth sat down on a black stool next to the couch and waited for Baby Tooth to come with the medicine. As she sat there, stroking Pitch's head, she thought about Abby's question. The one about whither she cared about Pitch or not.

_All this stroking is definitely making me think that I do, but I still don't know. _Tooth thought to herself. _On the one hand, he kidnaped my girls and tried to make children stop believing in me. On the other hand, he apologized and asked me to forgive him. Abby thinks that he's a good man, beneath the fear and anger, and maybe he is. He certainly never physically hurt a child that I know of. _She sighed. _WHY must this be such a difficult question? Why must it be _me_ who makes these decisions? WHY?!_

"Because no one else will." she whispered. "If I don't stop this, then no one else will."

"That's right Tooth." Abby said. "But it's still your choice. You have free will, and sometimes that's harder that not having it."

"Heh. No kidding." Tooth said, laughing nervously. Then she sighed again. "Abby, I've been thinking long and hard about your question form earlier." she said. She sounded so tired.

Abby looked up eagerly. "Yes?"

Tooth took a deep breath. "And I think I've come to a decision."

"Yes?" Abby demanded.

Tooth took another deep breath, then she bent down and laid a small kiss on Pitch's lips. There was a small electric shock between the two of them as Tooth's lips pressed against Pitch's and she resisted the urge to jerk away. Just a small static shock. Nothing to worry about. The kiss was long and simple. Tooth didn't go any farther than pressing her lips against his and he didn't wake up like a prince from a fairytale, for which Tooth was highly thankful.

_Boy, _she thought as she kissed Pitch. _Here's something I never imagined myself doing. _After about ten more seconds she raised her head and smiled. _Well, _she thought, putting her hand on Pitch's forehead again. _He did deserve it. He saved my life when he killed that spider. He'll probably be annoyed that he wasn't awake when I did this. _She chuckled. _Or, better yet, I don't think I'll tell him._ _That's my right, after all. The only way he'll know is if Abby tells him, and she promised she wouldn't._

Abby, at the sight of Tooth kissing the unconscious Boogeyman, let out a squeal of joy and started dancing around her room in the grip of mad exuberance. "YES! YES YES _YES_! YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT! YEEEEEES!" she chanted, swinging her hips from side to side and shaking her hands around in a bad facsimile of the Macarana.

Tooth smiled. "I do care about him." she said. "And I am going to do everything in my power to end this ridiculous feuding between Pitch and the Guardians."

Abby sat back down into her chair with a squeak and laced her fingers together. "Tooth," she said slowly, smiling. "That is _exactly_ what I wanted to hear."


	16. Sandy: Why Is It Always ME!

**Hey guys, it's me again. Hey, I'm super glad you liked my last chapter and I'm so happy that this story is so popular.**

**OK, this author's note is going to be brief. I don't own Rotg, none of us do,**

**UNLESS DREAMWORKS IS SECRETLY INFILTRATING FANFICTION TO SEE IF WE WANT A SEQUEL!**

**In which case, I think I would say yes.**

**Anyway, I don't own RotG, Thank you all the amazing reviewers for your support and love, thank you all my great friends who helped me write this story, thank you thank you thank you!**

* * *

Sanderson Mansnoozie was not a nosy Guardian. Far from it. He knew people liked their privacy and he never called on one of the Guardians unless it was extremely serious. He never snooped through people's things, he never popped up unexpectedly- except for those rare times when he couldn't resist spooking his old enemy Pitch Black to give him a taste of his own medicine, and he never ever paid visits to the other Guardian's homes without sending a message first. He was a very polite Guardian.

This being said, Sanderson was a very curious Guardian. He never liked to leave any stone unturned or idea uninvestigated. That was how he'd created the dreamsand when he'd first been created as a Guardian. Originally, Sanderson Mansnoozie had been a star that had crashed to earth at the beginning of the human age. When he'd realized where he was and that he couldn't get back, he decided on making the most of his life on earth and doing something worthwhile.

He'd built the Cloud Castle out of stardust, the material that he seemed to have an endless supply of, and then had begun to tinker with the dust, adding different minerals he found and checking to see if the magic powder ever changed. After several failed attempts, he'd gotten the mixture of stardust and moonlight and all the other secret things he used just right and had produced dreamsand, the magic powder that knocked you out and gave you beautiful dreams.

After that, owing to a complicated string of events involving balance and man in the moon and Pitch and a bunch of other things, he had become a Guardian and the sand had become both his life and his weapon. The sand had served him faithfully for hundreds of years and had never turned against him in the way Pitch's nightmares had.

_Heh._ His wide mouth quirked in a grin. _That's what you get when you mess with dreamsand._

Sandy, who was floating on a gigantic cloud of dreamsand high above the town of Burgess and making sure that every adult, child, baby and animal that needed it got a good night's sleep, smiled and let out a wave of gentle sand to coat the atmosphere, just for safety's sake. He was actually glad he'd decided to save Burgess for last tonight. The little city was always calm and relaxing and since it was the home of some of his most powerful believers, passing over always gave him a bit of a pick-me-up.

To make things even better, plenty of people slept in Burgess- mostly children, and it made him happy to see all the children asleep instead of up at one o'clock in the morning, playing some stupid video game. He _hated_ video games, almost as much as horror movies.

Sure, they were good in daylight, but after the sun went down you were supposed to go to _sleep_! Not spend hours and hours mashing buttons and stuffing your face with popcorn.

Sandy sighed. It was a constant war he raged. Sometimes he won and the kid ended up getting sniped a million times before they woke up, and sometimes the kid stuck it out until their mom's rapped on the door and yelled at them to get in bed. He giggled silently, remembering one particularly amusing time when the mother came barging in and the kids were having a lack-of-slumber party. The mom started embarrassing the boy who was hosting by calling him baby and other demeaning things like that and then, when all the others left she'd said, "that's what you get for staying up too late."

After a short debate whither to give a little girl a dream about winning a science fair prize or sea-life, (the sea life won out. He was just too fond of manta rays!) he cracked his knuckles and knew that just about done with his rounds. He only had one more duty charged to him, and that was to scout the area for nightmares. This was a duty the man in the moon had bestowed upon him recently, and the other Guardians didn't know about it.

_Not that they'd ever ask,_ Sandy mentally grumbled. _They're so absorbed in the new fanfiction craze that if Bunny's butt was on fire, they would probably just look back to the screen and not care a wit about it!_

It was true. All the other Guardians had been so focused on their jobs and this new Fanfiction thing that they hadn't even bothered to ask each other how they were doing.

Not that he disliked the fanfiction thing. The whole idea was actually hilarious, when they weren't writing about him. The stories about Pitch were particularly amusing to the tiny guardian and, since Abby's appearance into their lives he'd taken to reading all the K rated ones he could find. The ones that were rated T always ended up in some disgusting way, whither it be Pitch torturing Jack or a romance blooming between the two.

Sandy felt the urge to gag by just thinking about it. Bleh. The idea of Pitch and Jack together. _Repulsive_.

Still, many people seemed to like that pairing because about fifty percent of the stories about Jack and Pitch he'd found had been labeled _BlackIce, _the code name given to that specific ship. Sandy shuddered, preferring not to think of some of the things he'd stumbled upon while reading through the miles and miles of text and instead casting his mind towards the mysterious Abby.

Abby. The human girl who had appeared out of nowhere. Abby, the strange enigma. Abby, the girl who no one could see and yet had helped them turn the tables on the Boogeyman by sending them those emails. Who was she, he wondered. And how had she gotten so much information about them? Particularly, how had these other Fanfiction writers gotten so much information about them?

_A question I really wish I knew the answer to,_ he thought sullenly as he flew over the rooftops. _None of us ever told anyone about some of those things, yet these writers just blurt them out randomly and turn it into a story. _He grudgingly smiled. _Well, I guess I would give them points for creativity. Some of those ideas about the other spirits were genius. Father Time, the Grim Reaper, and extending our own powers. Really brilliant._

Sandy pulled out of his thoughts and scanned the areas he passed for Nightmares, but he saw none.

_Good,_ he thought. _I like bashing those monster's heads as much as the next being, but the day was so great and the night is just as good. I don't want to spoil it with a fight._

He made sure each child was having their best dreams and all the adults that wanted them had them, then he began to turn towards the east where his Cloud Castle floated. The Cloud Castle, built by the same dust that powered his dreamsand, was his home when he wasn't out at night working. He had hundreds of rooms there and, if he was quite honest it was almost as magnificent as Tooth's palace. Though he wouldn't tell her that.

The Castle was a giant island in the sky which floated on top of a huge cloud and appeared as a plane or other aircraft to humans. Sandy was highly proud of his magnificent Castle, though he'd never actually shown any of the Guardians. They would be put to sleep the instant they stepped through the door.

Sandy passed above buildings big and small until he came to the edge of the town where the forest and the lake where Jack was re-born were. It was also where Pitch's hole was and no matter the weather, Sandy always saw Nightmares hanging around the gaping hole under a broken bed frame that was their master's den- or, lair, as Pitch liked to call it. Tonight, he only saw one. It was running around in the center of the clearing right by where Pitch's hole was and it looked angry.

Black sand flared from it's nostrils like smoke and Sandy saw it stamping it's hooves nervously on the ground. It swung it's head from side to side, watching for something. Sandy wondered what had gotten the beast to riled up. He was sure it hadn't seen him yet, but the constant moving and snorting of the Nightmare made him pause. Maybe it was just agitated because of the fall of it's master. Or maybe it _did_ know he was there, through some kind of link that Sandy had, despite them being nightmares and his sand being dreams.

Well, whatever the reason, the horse was worried. Good. That would make it easier to destroy. Sandy cracked his knuckles and rotated his neck, cracking the tendons. Time to go to work. He swooped down into the clearing, drawing his twin whips and preparing to launch them at the nightmare, but something caught his eye and he faltered, just as he was about to swing.

It was barely discernible at first, just a flash of light here and there. Then, as Sandy watched carefully and got used to the quick movement, he could make out a pair of flittering wings and a flash of rainbow colors. He frowned. A bird? No, not at night. Maybe it as the shadows playing tricks on him. He stood there on his dreamsand cloud for a long time, watching that strange flash of light zipping around the clearing. Each time it got near the nightmare the horse stomped the ground and got fidgety. It was like they were afraid of the flash of light.

_Maybe it's a moonbeam,_ Sandy thought, looking up at the man in the moon. He was shining bright as usual, casting a milky glow around everything, the trees, the grass, even the air seemed to glow gently.

_Is this your doing, old friend? _Sanderson asked, looking up at the sky where the moon twinkled down at him and, for a split second he thought he could see the barest hint of a smile on the moon's face.

_Huh_. Sandy thought, deciding to take a closer look at this strange light. He landed on the ground in plain view, but the Nightmare didn't react. It as facing away from him and didn't turn around until Sandy sent a tendril of dreamsand lazily over to the horse, making it transform into a big hand and wave itself in front of the nightmare's eyes. The Nightmare jerked and reared up, evidently startled by the Sandman.

Sandy chuckled and let a dreamsand whip lash out and attach itself to the nightmare's leg. The horse kicked and fought, but the dreamsand soon overcame it and Sandy was left looking at a small golden pony with a fancy saddle and bridal. The pony nodded it's thanks and Sandy nodded back, then it leaped into the sky, running off to find the little girl dreaming about horses tonight.

Sandy watched it go, then he turned back to look at the creepy dark hold in the ground that was covered by a rotting bed.

_I wonder what Pitch is doing down there, _Sandy thought as he peered into the hole. _Last we heard of him, he was spending all his time reading Fanfiction stories. Huh. I almost feel sorry for the guy, locked up in there all day and night, never able to leave or go anywhere._

Then Sandy remembered how Pitch had nearly killed him and he thought,_ Nah. I'm not sorry for him in the slightest._

He was almost ready to head back to Cloud Castle when he heard a frantic, and familiar, squeaking behind him. He whirled around and there, hovering in front of him holding a small jar, was one of Toothiana's mini-tooth fairies.

At first he was surprised. Then, after about five minutes of staring, Sandy pulled himself together and made a waving hand and a small tooth appear above his head. _Hi little tooth._

The little fairy smiled and waved shyly, then she almost lost her grip on the rim of the tiny jar and she fell a few inches before giving her wings an extra burst of speed and hovering back up to eye-level with the Sandman.

Sandy smiled good-naturedly and offered to take the jar. The fairy nodded and, as she flew in and dropped it into his palm, Sandy noticed a big golden feather in the center of her forehead and a frown formed on his face. Hadn't he seen this particular fairy before? All of them looked alike to Bunny and North and possibly even their own mother, but Sandy knew the difference between one fairy and the next. He was sure he'd seen this particular little tooth before.

The fairy looked surprised when he frowned and squeaked something. Sandy couldn't understand the language, but he understood the meaning. _What's wrong?_

Sandy made a simple chain of images: a small him, a life-size fairy, (he pointed to her and then at the golden her just to make sure she got his point,) and then an eye, the letter B and the number four. _Have I seen you before?_

The fairy puzzled over his message for several minutes, then her eyes lit up and she nodded eagerly.

_Ah, so I was right. I have seen her before,_ Sandy thought proudly. _I never forget a face. _Then he made a map and a small question mark _Where?_

The little fairy puzzled over this message for a little bit too, than she smiled and started squeaking something that Sandy couldn't understand. He waved his hands to get her attention and the little tooth stopped, frowning. Sandy shrugged and made a question mark

The fairy nodded like she understood and pointed to some of his dreamsand, then at herself.

Sandy made the small fairy again and the fairy nodded, then she spread her arms wide and made a different squeaking noise.

Sandy frowned but made the sand fairy bigger.

The fairy shook her head and pointed to her forehead, then at the sand-her, then she made the bigger sign again.

Sandy puzzled over this for about a minute, then a sand light bulb flashed above his head and he made an imagine of Toothiana, the fairy's mother.

The fairy nodded and the proceeded to do something very strange. She folder her arms like she was holding an armload of blankets and began to rock her arms back and forth.

Sandy blinked and made the question mark again.

She rolled her eyes and rocked her arms again, then pointed to the rendition of her mother. Rock, mother. Rock, mother. It was bewildering.

_I don't get it, _Sandy thought with a shrug. _Did I see her with tooth while we were visiting the same house? A house with a baby?_

Baby. The word the little fairy was looking for. The rocking, used to coo a fussy baby to sleep! Baby! The fairy's name was Baby!

Wait_, Baby?_

Sandy frowned, then the fairy pointed to herself again and did the rocking motion, then pointed up at the golden Toothiana and it all clicked into place.

_Oh boy am I an idiot! _Sandy thought, laughing silently. _None of the other fairies have the golden feather except Baby Tooth! How're you doing, Baby Tooth? _He asked, then he remembered to use dreamsand. No pictures this time, just words.

She smiled, happy that he'd gotten it right and squeaked something that sounded like _good_ to him. He nodded. _That's good. How's the teeth collecting? _Was it his imagination, or did the little fairy seem a little nervous now?

The fairy shrugged and made the _so-so _gesture. Then she glanced over his shoulder and then at the small jar in his hand.

Sandy looked down at the jar and made to give it back to the little fairy. She seemed eager to have it back and took it without hesitation. At first she dropped a few inches in the air, then she righted herself again. Sandy made a question mark and pointed to the jar.

The little fairy just smiled and made a tooth-brushing gesture. Toothpaste.

Sandy raised an eyebrow and Baby Tooth blushed.

_Come on Baby Tooth, you can tell me. _He wrote in sand above his head.

Baby Tooth looked even more nervous now, continually glancing over his shoulder and anywhere but at the Sandman's face.

Sandy turned around to follow her gaze, but the only thing that was behind him was Pitch's hold and bed frame. He blinked. _Pitch._

Sandy rounded on Baby Tooth and gave her a stern look. _Baby Tooth, what are you going here?_

Baby Tooth let out an irritated squeak that Sandy took to mean, _It's none of your business, _and started to fly away towards the hole. Sandy sent a small trail of dreamsand at her which wrapped itself around her little tummy and halted her from flying any farther, like a parrot on a leash. She thrashed and kicked and squeaked, but Sandy just stood there, waiting for her tantrum to blow over and wondering why in the world she would want to go down to Pitch's lair, the place where all of her sisters had been captures.

After about five minutes the little fairy-girl gave up and flew back to him, lugging the jar. Sandy held out his palm and allowed the very tired and irritated fairy to drop into his palm and rest for a little bit, then he asked, _So? Why are you heading to Pitch's lair with toothpaste?_

Baby Tooth smiled and Sandy guessed that that had been a lie. He asked her if it was and Baby Tooth gave a squeak of confirmation, then she launched into a long explanation involving lots of squeaking and hand gestures. Sandy listened politely for about five minutes. Then, when she was done, he wrote, _I didn't understand a word of what you just said. I'm sorry Baby Tooth._

Baby Tooth moaned squeakily and folded her arms, giving him a look like, _are you really going to have to make me go through that all over again?_

Sandy smiled and wrote,_ never mind the long explanation, just give me the short version._

Baby Tooth nodded and gestured to the cord around her stomach.

_Oh! Right,_ Sandy wrote a little sheepishly, dismissing the sand with a snap of the fingers that weren't holding Baby Tooth.

Baby Tooth nodded, that was better, and at once took flight from Sandy's hand with the little jar in tow. She flew all the way over to Pitch's hold, then she pointed at it.

Sandy walked a few steps closer to the hole and peered over the edge again. Still as dark and creepy as ever. _I don't get it. _He wrote.

Baby Tooth sighed and, without warning, dove into the tunnel. Sandy let out a silent cry but the little fairy-girl was gone before he could stretch out a sand-rope to stop her. He stood there for a minute, wondering why on earth Baby Tooth would want to go down there, what was in that jar, and why he was even _considering_ going after her.

_I can't go down there, no way! _Sandy thought as he paced back and forth in front of the hole, peeking over the edge too look at it every time he passed it. _Pitch is down there and yeah, the barrier is there to protect me, but I have no idea what __**else**__ is down there! _He sighed and came to a stop right in front of the hold once more. It's inky black depths and stalactites spoke of deep underground where water flowed and creepy crawlies lived. Sandy shuddered. He hated bugs. _Hated_ them! They made his skin crawl and he hated then more than horror movies and video games combined!

Sandy looked over the edge and as he did he began to think of Baby Tooth down there, all alone. He wasn't a nosy Guardian, but he _was_ a curious one, and everyone knows the to are virtually the same.

_Well, at lease this answers one question. _Sandy thought as he dropped down into the hole. _My head is __**completely**__ stuffed full of sand. Yippie!_

He landed with a soft, almost inaudible thump and as he collected himself and made sure he hadn't landed on anything, Sandy found he couldn't make out a single thing in the gloom of the unlit tunnel. His own dreamsand-self let off a gentle glowing light that showed the tunnel was about six feet tall and five feet wide. Spiderwebs hung in tatters from the ceiling and stalagmites hung from the ceiling like huge black daggers. Sandy gave the stalagmites a wary look, then he cast his gaze back up the tunnel he'd dropped into. The sky around the opening was dark blue and stars dotted the sky, but most resplendent of all was the moon, hanging in the center of the opening.

Sandy raised an eyebrow and, for the second time that night, he was sure the moon was smiling at him. The craters and shadows clearly formed eyes and a mouth, but from here it was hard to tell whither the mouth was smiling or frowning. Sandy made a golden question mark and, as if the moon hear seen him, the clouds around the moon shifted to from a clear crescent on the moon's face. Sanderson gave the moon a nod, then he turned around and headed off down the tunnel. Whatever Baby Tooth as doing down here, the moon wanted him there too. Why, he had no idea.

The moon never tells anyone it's secrets, after all.

Sandy made his way down the tunnel using his own glow to guide him and making sure not to trip on anything or to squash anything unintentionally. He was also careful to keep his whips at the ready, in case of Nightmares, and he was about thirty feet in before he noticed that the the path before him was growing slightly brighter. He stopped, frowning. Then he looked around him at the walls and saw that the walls were giving off a strange kind of shimmery, blueish light that mixed with his own light and made the path brighter.

The light shimmered across the walls and sent his shadow dancing across the ceiling. Sandy smiled and kept walking. The light was beautiful, but the shadows kinds creeped him out. He kept moving, slowly at first, then faster as he gained more confidence that the shadows were just that, shadows.

Of course this theory was a little shaken when he noticed one of the shadows moving of it's own accord out of the corner of his eye.

Sandy spun around, his hands on his whips, ready to face whatever horrid monsters- besides Pitch, though in his current state he could hardly be called a monster, lurked in these caverns deep underground. He was confronted with-

_Baby Tooth?!_

It was indeed Baby Tooth. She still had that jar with her and she was looking oddly smug. Her little hands were clutching the jar, but if they weren't he was sure they'd be folded against her little chest in pride. She gave him a look that reminded Sandy suspiciously like the one Tooth gave her daughters when they were swooning over Jack, the right side of her mouth tilting up and her right eyebrow raising with amusement, and squeaked something that sounded suspiciously like, _so you have got here at last!_

Sandy raised his own eyebrow and wrote, _Wait, you mean you were waiting for me?_

She nodded and a wide smile split her face.

_Why?_

Baby Tooth inclined her head to the tunnel in front of them and Sandy frowned.

_I don't get it._

Baby Tooth rolled her eyes and, not waiting for him to follow, took off into the tunnel.

Sandy waved his hands and told her to wait, but she just ignored him, flying slowly into the tunnel and making the same squeaking word over and over again.

Sandy rolled his eyes and, without stopping to wonder if this might be some kind of trap, quickly walked to catch up with the tiny fairy-girl.

She turned her head when he fell into step beside her and smiled at him, giving him a look that clearly said, _about time._

Sandy rolled his eyes and wrote, _Wherever you're taking me, it had better be worth it._

Baby Tooth smirked and nodded. _It is._

Sandy sigh and kept walking, thinking, _it's amazing how two people can communicate so well when one can't speak and the other only squeaks. _

Eventually they came to a fork in the tunnel and they both stopped. Sandy looked at one tunnel, then the other. Then he turned his head and regarded the little fairy girl who was looking slightly nervous.

_Well? _He asked. _Do you know which one we should go through? _They both looked exactly alike to Sandy and he couldn't hear anything in either tunnel.

Baby Tooth gave a shrug and, while holding the jar in her left hand, raised her right and started pointing back and forth between the two and squeaking with each point.

Sandy rolled his eyes. _Seriously? She's really trusting our fates to _eenie meenie miney mo_? _Sandy sighed._ This is what I get for following fairies._ He thought sullenly as he raised his hand to stop her.

_I'll take care of this, _he wrote. Then he raised his hand and sent a slow, gentle pulse of dreamsand down the right-hand tunnel. The sand, which was an extension of himself, could feel living presences and could tell how far they were. Sandy closed his eyes and concentrated.

Not far in, a spider. Hardly bigger than a mouse, but he hated insects and so he put it to sleep anyway. A few feet away from that...a colony of beetles burrowing their way through the rock. Nothing much to worry about. Sandy concentrated harder and, as the sand flowed deeper into the tunnels he heard the echos of voices. He couldn't make out the gender, but he assumed it was Pitch just talking to himself.

_We go right,_ he wrote when he opened his eyes. _I heard a voice down there and I assume it's Pitch._

Baby Tooth nodded and they set off again. Sandy tried to get more information out of her, like why she was here and what that jar was, but the little fairy still refused to answer. She just kept a tight grip on that jar and kept flying.

After another long while, Sandy began to hear voices at the other end of the tunnel. They were quiet, but he could tell from the pitch that they were female, not male. _Who else would be down here?_ He wondered. _Baby Tooth, do you know-_

But the little fairy-girl zipped her lips and shook her head. She wasn't telling.

Sandy sighed. _Fine, be that way! _and kept walking. The voices were getting louder and louder now, which meant that they were getting closer and closer. The individual words were muffled by the rock and the distance, but Sandy caught a fragment of a sentence here and there.

"You've got to-"

"-thanks a lot."

"When is she coming?"

Sandy glanced at Baby Tooth, who smiled. They were talking about her.

Sandy could see light up ahead and he quickened his pace. There was something in those womens voices that were really familiar and he was eager to find out who they were and why they were in Pitch's caves. Had the old specter kidnapped them for some bizarre reason? Had they fallen in and gotten hurt? Yes, that would explain a bit. Baby Tooth must've found them and gone off for medicine to help with whatever wounds the women had gotten.

Sandy rounded a corner and came out in a much larger cavern than he'd ever seen in Pitch's caves. This one was big enough for a amphitheater and was lit from above with strange lamps that looked like they were on low setting. Dozens of tunnels branched off from this room and he wondered where they all led. Down deeper into the tunnels, probably. The room itself was decorated in straight black. Black rug to cover up the dirt floor, black cabinets on the far side of the room that were built in to a black counter top, a black fridge, a huge black TV mounted on the wall facing him and right in front of him, laying on a black leather couch, was Pitch.

Sandy frowned. _Pitch? _He wrote, peering at the Boogeyman. From what he could see, the Boogeyman was laying on his back and he didn't have shirt on.

Sandy took a step inside the room and wrote Pitch's name again in sand. No response. Pitch seemed to be out cold and he didn't move an inch as Sandy walked closer.

"Well, I don't know how much good this'll do," a female voice spoke from over by the cabinets. Sandy reflexively raised his whips and walked farther in, his gaze flitting from the apparently unconscious and shirtless Pitch on the couch to the voice behind the cabinets. _They must be bending down to get something,_ he thought. _That's why I can't see them._

"From what you've already told me it needs to work it's way out of his system, so water seems kind of pointless, but what the heck. I don't know the slightest thing about medicines and healing." the person behind the cabinets began to straighten up and Sandy raised his whips, in case they saw him and tried to attack. Suddenly Baby Tooth started squeaking chirping and flew in front of his face, waving the arm that wasn't holding the jar.

The person behind the cabinets must've recognized the sound because they said, "Oh, Baby Tooth! _Finally_! He's been getting worse and worse." and, before Sandy had time to raise his whips to defend himself if need be, the person rose into full view.

Sandy's jaw dropped and the bowl Toothiana was holding dropped to the floor, spilling water everywhere. "SANDY?!"

XXXXXXXXXX

One hour ago. . .

Since the kiss, Tooth had become a lot more relaxed about her current position. She'd started talking to Abby more, asking her questions about Pitch and how much she knew about him.

"Well, I don't know much," Abby admitted. "But I know some stuff. What is it you want to know?"

Tooth shrugged. "I dunno, stuff. What's his favorite book?"

"Dante's Inferno." Abby replied, sounding more than a little amused.

"Oh, I _so_ expected that." Tooth said, laughing and stroking Pitch's head of oddly hard hair. She knew he'd had it gelled just before she'd come in, but she didn't know that the gel dried this hard. She knocked against one of the spikes, just to see what would happen, and was surprised to hear a weird echoy noise emanate from the hair.

"OK, that's kinda weird." she said, moving her hand away from the hair and placing it in her lap.

"The hair?"

"Yeah."

"I keep telling him, gel is _not_ the way to go! What he needs to do is grow it out long and attach rubber snake heads to the ends. That'll freak kids out, won't it?"

Tooth smiled. "I think Pitch is being a bad influence on you, Abby." she said, gently rolling Pitch over to check his wound. She'd had to do this quite a lot since she'd laid him down, on Abby's instructions.

"If you let it stay like that," she'd warned. "It's going to fester and nastify."

"How's our patient coming?" Abby asked.

Tooth pulled down the part of the robe that had been slashed and peered at the wound, keeping Pitch in position with her other hand. "Not bad." she said. "It's only a red slash."

"_Now_," Abby said ominously. "Soon we're going to have to do something about this."

"You mean I'm going to have to do something about this," Tooth corrected, allowing the Boogeyman to flop back onto his back.

"Hey, I can't help it of I live five states away." Abby said. "Believe me, I'm trying to help in every way that I can."

"I know," Tooth said, turning her head to look up at the invisible speaker. She was glad Abby was here. At least she had someone to talk to.

The next half hour was spent talking, checking the wound, talking some more, laughing, and after a while Tooth almost forgot what a serious situation Pitch was in. She hadn't talked to another female that wasn't one of her daughters in so_ long_. It felt good to talk to another girl again.

"Tooth, you gotta keep checking the wound." Abby chided after they'd spent five minutes discussing the false advertising about shampoos these days. "If that thing gets any worse, you need to tell me."

"OK, OK." Tooth said, rolling the Boogeyman over again and pulling down on the slashed robe. "I got-" she froze, staring at the cut on Pitch's back. "Oh no," she whispered.

"What? Tooth, you gotta tell me! I'm not a doctor, but I know enough about wounds to tell if something's wrong. What is it?"

Tooth couldn't speak. She felt like she'd swallowed her tongue and when she tried to open her mouth, she found it glued shut. The sight before her was just too horrifying.

Every other time Tooth had checked it, the wound had just been a long red slash going vertically across his back. The skin around it hadn't changed color, and it hadn't looked all that serious. Now, the skin around the wound was a ruddy grayish-red and when Tooth placed her hand on it to see if it was inflamed she jerked it away in surprise and exclaimed, "It's hot!"

"Did you say it was hot?" Abby demanded.

"Y- yeah." Tooth said, nodding hesitantly.

"The wound or the skin around it?"

"The s- skin around it."

Abby swore. "Quick, tell me, is there any puss?"

"Puss?!"

"Wounds with poison in them tend to excrete puss to get that poison out!" Abby explained. "Now tell me, is there puss or isn't there?"

"No," tooth said. "No puss. Just the red skin around the wound."

Abby let out a sigh of relief. "OK, that's good. Tooth, I'm gonna need you to take off his robe."

Tooth's eyes widened. "You're kidding." she said flatly. Take off his _robe_?! Abby was seriously pushing it. The kiss had been one thing, but taking off his _robe_?! That was just indecent!

"Nope." Abby said. "If we want to give Pitch his best chance, you're going to have to take the robe off to allow full access to the wound. If we leave the robe on, it'll be hard to check the wound and if the cloth sticks to it, you'll just have another complication when it comes time to apply whatever gunk Baby Tooth comes with." Abby paused. "You promised to help him, Tooth. You're the one who said that you cared for him. If you truly care for him, then you_ have _to do this!"

Tooth sighed. Abby was a _champion_ guilt-tripper. "OK." she said, giving up without much of a fight. Pitch wasn't going to die- spirits didn't do that unless a certain _someone_ says so, but it would take a very _very_ long time for him to recover without outside help and she didn't want that on her conscience. Besides, Abby had a point. She _had_ already sealed her dedication to helping Pitch. Sealed it with a kiss, and she wasn't about to break that bond.

Tooth bent down and hesitantly grabbed the hem of the robe. It was covered in sand and dust and had a few rips and tears. She took a deep breath and steadied herself, then she tugged the robe up and up, over his legs and up over his stomach. It wasn't easy, but soon she had the robe bunched up around his neck and she was trying to pull it over his arms.

"Ugh! Ugh!" she groaned, holding onto his arm with one hand and yanking on the sleeve with the other. "DRAT!" she yelled, dropping Pitch's arm and letting herself flop down onto the stool. "I can't do it! The stupid sleeve is too tight!"

"Try rolling the sleeve." Abby advised. "take the top part and roll it down to his elbow, then slide it up. That's the easiest way."

Tooth was about to do what Abby suggested, then she frowned and looked up at the ceiling. "How do you know that?" she asked, sounding a little suspicious. "Have you watched him undress?"

"TOOTH!" Abby exclaimed, sounding embarrassed. "_What_ do you take me for?! I haven't done anything like _that_!" Tooth heard her huffing and grumbling. "I'm only a teenager for Pete's sake!"

Tooth smirked. Score one for her. "OK OK, I was just asking." she said, smiling mischievously.

"Ahem. Anyway, it's just common sense." Abby said, coughing nervously. "Just roll it and it should come off."

Tooth smirked and did as she was told, rolling the sleeve and then pushing it up. Then she did the same with the other sleeve. Soon Tooth was placing the robe on the floor beside the couch and was turning Pitch over again. His skin on his front was the normal ashen gray and Tooth was amazed to see a firm six-pack of muscles beneath his robe.

"When did he get these?" Tooth asked in amazement, laying a hand on Pitch's chest.

"Don't know, don't care." Abby said.

Tooth continued to stare at Pitch's stomach, then she looked up at his face. He looked peaceful, but she could see the small details that showed he was in pain. The perspiration on his brow, the slight shaking of his hands, and the warmth that was spreading through his body. Not good warmth, but the fiery heat of fever. His eyes were closed and she could see twitching beneath the lids. She thought he might be having a nightmare.

_Poor Pitch, _she thought. _Even if he is the nightmare king, he's still able to have nightmares. After all the years he's lived and all the things he's done, I can't begin to imagine what awful visions he gets when he sleeps. If only-_

"-ooth! Hey Tooth!"

Tooth snapped her head up and realized that she'd been staring in rapture at Pitch and she jerked back. "Ahem. Um, what?"

Abby sniggered. "Thinking of doing something naughty miss Toothiana?"

It was Tooth's turn to blush. "I don't-"

"Awwww, don't play coy with me Tooth. I know that look. It's the same look Star gets when she sees Jack Frost and the same look Drago gets when she sees Bunny. The same look Fanty gets when she sees Loki."

Tooth blinked, looking up in confusion. "Huh?"

"Oh, did I forget to tell you?" Abby asked, sounding amused. "Fanty has the world's worst crush on Loki from the movie Thor."

Tooth's face twisted into a smile. "Huh. I'm learning all kinds of interesting things today. Your friend likes Loki and the Boogeyman is a good kisser."

"HA! I'll tell him you said tha-"

"DON'T YOU DARE!" Tooth bellowed, provoking a laugh from Abby. "You _promised!_"

"I did indeed." Abby conceded. "And I will honor my word. I will not tell him."

"Good." Tooth said, picking up Pitch's arm and rolling him gently over. The wound hadn't changed much in all the time they'd been talking. The skin was still red around the edge of the wound, and the wound itself was still a slit in his back, not very deep.

"That's good, right? No puss? And I don't see any festering skin." she said.

Abby stayed silent for a long moment, then she said, "Run your hand over the skin around the wound again. Don't touch the wound itself, or else you might hurt him."

Tooth did as she was asked and the instant she touched the skin around the wound it began to glow a darker shade of grayish-red ans she felt the heat radiating through her fingertip. _That's not good, _she thought.

"Is it still hot?" Abby asked.

"Yeah. Really hot. And the skin is turning a darker shade of red."

"Oh boy." Abby said. "Tooth, you've got to keep checking. Any change, tell me."

Tooth nodded in reply and, to pass the time, started asking Abby more questions. It was mostly simple stuff, like whither there were any more monsters in the cave and more questions about Pitch. To her knowledge, Abby said, there weren't any more monsters.

"Though I don't know for sure. I've only been a few hundred feet down into those caves." she said.

"Really?" Tooth asked. "What have you seen down there?"

"Oh, a bunch of springs and tunnels and caves. Pitch put up signs and posters to tell where a bunch of stuff is. Hot springs, waterfalls, testicle-eating spider caves, you know."

Tooth frowned. "Yeah, about that-"

"I knew he would save you, so don't start harping on me." Abby interrupted. "Besides, you're not a guy, so it probably wouldn't have eaten you anyway."

"Thanks a lot." Tooth said grumpily.

"You're welcome." Abby chirped. Tooth thought she sounded just like Baby Tooth.

Tooth grudgingly smiled. She could see why Pitch was friends with Abby. She was really odd and quirky, but she had good intentions.

"Why don't you check the wound again," Abby suggested after a bit. "It's been just the right amount of time."

Tooth did as she was asked and bent down to check the wound. What she saw made her recoil in horror.

The skin around the wound was inflamed, that much was clear from the cringe-worthy coloring, but that wasn't the main problem. To make matters worse, the wound itself was beginning to bubble up like a burbling spring through a crack in the earth with yellowish-white puss and it was congealing around the edges. It was a disgusting sight.

"Oh no. Here comes the puss." Abby said. "You're going to have to do something now that you probably don't want to do, but it must be done before we put that gunk that Baby Tooth is going to bring us. Speaking of which, when is she coming?"

Tooth was momentarily distracted from Abby's ominous words by the question and she shrugged. "I don't know. And what do you mean, something I probably don't want to do?"

"Tooth, that poison is working it's way out of Pitch's body too slowly. We need to speed it up, otherwise he might go into shock, the poison might not get all the way out, there are millions of things that could happen if we don't do this."

Tooth blanched. "You don't mean-" she gasped, her hand flying to her mouth.

"I do." Abby said. "Go grab a big bowl, a smaller bowl of water and a washcloth from the kitchen. You're going to have to purge that puss."

Tooth almost flew out of there right then and there. Giant testicle-eating spiders, kissing the Boogeyman, promising to help him, OK, but_ puss?_

"Tooth, this isn't optional!" Abby said firmly and with a touch of impatience that made Tooth recoil. "That puss _needs_ to come out and the longer we wait, the more pain Pitch is in!"

Tooth gulped. She had a million reasons why she didn't want to do this. It would hurt him a lot more than it would hurt her, it was disgusting, she was liable to mess it up, she didn't know anything at all about purging puss from a wound, the list was endless. The main reason, however, was because she didn't think she could.

Toothiana hadn't had a stomach for gore, even when she was alive. She didn't like blood and guts movies now, she hated anything sludge-like or disgusting, and she _really_ hated puss. It was a disgusting substance that, even though it helped excrete poison and toxins form the body, was _always_ nasty when it came out. Just thinking of the white-yellow puss made her nauseous and she had to breathe to keep the acid that was bubbling in her gut down.

"Tooth," Abby said, a bit more gently this time. "I know it's disgusting, but you need to do it. Believe me, if I could get there in time I'd help too, but this is the most I can do."

Tooth sighed. "Yes, I'm sorry Abby. I know you're trying to help and I'm grateful, really I am. It's just. . ."

"The puss." Abby finished.

"The puss." Tooth agreed. "I've _never_ liked looking at gore. Not blood, not guts, not organs spilled out of the floor and _especially_ not puss."

"Tooth," Abby said gently. "I hate blood and guts just as much as you, maybe more, but this _needs_ to happen. If it doesn't, the puss will congeal and the wound will get even more infected."

Tooth nodded. She needed to do this, for Pitch. She took a deep breath and stood up, heading to the kitchen. Tooth picked up a small bowl off the top of the counter, filled it with water and set it back down again, then she went looking for the washcloth.

"Big bowl, small bowl, water and wash-cloth, right?" she asked as she found the wash-cloth in a drawer, set it halfway into the small bowl and bent down to look for the bigger bowl.

"Right."

Tooth rummaged for a bit, looking in all the cupboards she could find. Finally she found a medium-sized bowl and she said, "Well, I don't know how much good this'll do_._"

"It's good enough," Abby said from right behind her.

"Right. Anyway, what good will the water do?" Tooth asked. "From what you've already told me it needs to work it's way out of his system, so water seems kind of pointless, but what the heck. I don't know the slightest thing about medicines and healing."

"The water will cool him down and the wash-cloth is to get rid of the puss," Abby explained.

"Oh." Tooth said. That made sense. She was about to head back to the couch with the bowls and the cloth when she heard a familiar tweeting voice and she stopped.

"Oh, Baby Tooth!" she said, smiling as the little fairy-girl flew back and forth in front of her. It was good to see her daughter again, even though she looked a bit agitated. "_Finally_! He's been getting worse and worse. Did you bring-" then she noticed another figure, a familiar _golden_ figure, standing there with his mouth open and his golden dream-sand whips in each hand.

Her eyes widened and she felt the bowl of water slip from her fingertips. "SANDY?!" She was aware of the bowl crashing to the floor and water spilling everywhere, but she didn't care. Why on earth was _Sandy_ here? How had he gotten here? Had Baby Tooth led him through the maze of tunnels? Why would she do that?

Abby echoed the exclamation and followed with, "What the heck- how did you get here?!"

Sandy immediately raised his whips and stared around the room, looking for the second female voice. There was no one, save him and Tooth and the unconscious Pitch.

"Sandy, it's OK. It's Abby." Tooth said, flying over to him and putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "She's not here, but she's transmitting her voice through the speakers, just like earlier in the Pole."

Sandy still looked agitated, but he lowered his whips and pointed at Baby Tooth.

Tooth rounded on her tiny daughter. "You brought him here?" she demanded.

Baby Tooth gave an indignant squeak and she probably would have folded her arms and pouted, had her arms not been tightly holding on to the jar.

"Well no, I didn't specifically say not to bring specifically him, but that's not the point!"

_She got all that from one little squeak?_ Sandy wondered, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, young miss, I did tell you to hurry and I did tell you that it was a matter of life and death, _because_ _it is_! If we don't clean out that wound now, he's going to get even _more_ infected! Isn't that right, Abby?" she added, looking up at the ceiling.

"Right as rain." Abby's voice said from somewhere behind Tooth/ Sandy jumped a little, though he supposed he should be used to disembodied voices after dealing with Pitch for so many years. "Tooth, you've got to get that puss off the wound and then put that goop on it. Whatever's in it should draw the poison out, right?"

"Yep. This batch was mixed specifically for spider bites." Tooth said, taking the tiny jar from her daughter and flying over to Pitch. "It'll get that poison right out."

Sandy had been listening to this exchange with fascination for a few minutes, then, when Tooth turned her back on him and flew over to Pitch's side and her daughter followed anxiously, he raised a finger and wrote in sand above his head, _Um, hello? Yeah, I'm still here and wondering what the heck is going on._

No one noticed.

Tooth bent down over Pitch and checked the wound to make sure it hadn't gotten any worse, then she turned back towards the kitchen and flew to the sink where the bowl of water lay on the ground in front of it. She didn't see Sandy's message.

_Um, excuse me, Tooth? _Sandy asked again as he flew over to the couch. _What the heck is going on here? Why are you down here? Why is Abby talking to you? Why is Pitch half-naked and why did Baby Tooth have to bring you that jar?_

Tooth glanced up when he came over to stand beside her and, noticing his message, she winced. "Oh, Sandy. Hey, uh, I kind of have to do something right now-"

"Don't worry Tooth, I'll explain." Abby offered.

"No, it's OK Abby. I'll do it. You've just got to give me a minute, OK Sandy?" she was giving him the big, wide eyes and he resisted the urge to call her a puppy-dog. "If I don't get this gunk off Pitch's wound-"

Sandy looked sharply up at her upon hearing those words. _Wound? Pitch was hurt? How?_

"Umm. . ." Tooth said, glancing up nervously.

"He got swiped by a probably poisonous spider and now we have to clean the wound." Abby said. "Sandy, now that you're here do you think you could give Pitch a dose of dreamsand? Whenever Tooth touches the wound now he starts to convulse, and I think he's having nightmares."

Sandy raised an eyebrow. _Really? You're really asking me to give sweet dreams to my most bitter enemy?_

"Oh for moon's sake sandy!" Tooth exploded when she read the words. "Pitch is in _pain_ here, and he got that swipe while saving _me! _Yeah, that's right!" she said when she saw his surprised expression. "He _saved_ _my life!_ If not for him, I'd be the one lying on that couch with him trying to help me!"

Sandy let out a silent snort and Tooth's face grew even redder. "You think this is funny?!" she demanded. "I don't give a damn about what happened in the past! I don't care how many times he tried to throw us all into oblivion! I don't care that he stole my fairies or the teeth or anything! What I do care about is _him_, and I'm not letting him die because of me! If I were the one who had gotten swiped by the spider, he would be trying to do the same for me because he...has..._changed_! Abby, tell him!"

"It's true, Sandy." Abby said. "Pitch is trying to change, and the fact that he saved Tooth has got to give you some kind of pause for thought. He's not the same Boogeyman, I tell you. Here, I'll even use the jedi mind-trick thing. _This is not the Boogeyman you're looking for._"

Sandy gave Tooth a look and Tooth bent down to wipe at the puss, which was congealing fast over the wound and making a disgusting yellow-white shell over it. "She's a little eccentric," Tooth admitted and she rinsed the cloth in the water. "But she's a good girl. Her heart's in the right place."

"Yeah, not to mention I put all this in motion." Abby interjected peevishly. "If not for me, Pitch would still be vegging out on that couch with a bag of potatoe chips in one hand and his mouse in the other, thinking up more ways to make you guys suffer."

_Really?_

"Really really." Tooth said without having to look up from her work. "I saw the list. Apparently he can't think of a punishment bad enough for you, so he left your slot open to play it by ear."

"Tooth, not helping."

"Right. Sorry."

"My point being, Sandy," Abby continued. "let us work and when we're done, we'll explain everything that has happened to you clearly and calmly. Until then, either start helping or shove off!"

Sandy blinked and stared up at the ceiling. No one had ever talked to him like that before. No one.

"Sandy," Tooth said, rinsing the cloth again. Sandy saw that the wound was looking a bit better. Tooth had rubbed almost all of the puss off, but more puss was bubbling up from the wound. The skin wasn't glowing anymore and it looked lighter than it had when he'd first seen it. "I promise, I'll explain everything once I'm done here, but I have to do this first. Either help, or give me some room."

Sandy looked from the wound to Tooth's tired face, then back at Tooth.

_Alright. _He finally wrote. _I'll do it._

Tooth looked up and a wise smile split her face. "Thank you Sandy." she said, reaching across to give him a hug. "Thank you!"

Sandy nodded. _I'm not going this for him, I'm doing this for you._ He told her as he began to roll up his sleeves._ I don't like seeing you so down, Tooth._

Tooth looked down at Pitch and sighed. "I know, I just can't help it. Despite what he did back then, I don't want him to die."

_He won't. You know that. Only MiM says when a spirit dies._

"A spirit he created." Tooth said. "He didn't create Pitch. I actually don't know who or what did, but-"

_The fearlings. _Sandy wrote sadly._ I'll tell you one of these days,_ he promised before she could ask. _But not now. Now, I have a job to do._

"Right. Right. Go ahead." Tooth said, taking the cloth in her hand once again and rubbing on the wound. The Puss came off easier than before, but Pitch let out a cry and jerked.

"Yeah Sandy, I think you should hurry." Abby said.

_I'm going, I'm going! _Sandy wrote irritatedly, readying himself to give his most hated enemy a dream._ People keep talking to me and that's distracting._

"OK Sandy, we promise not to talk." Abby said. "Do your thing."

About time, Sandy grumbled silently, rolling up his sleeves and closing his eyes. The golden power instantly swelled up inside Sandy's chest and as he put his hand on Pitch's forehead he gently expelled it into his consiousness. Dreamsand whirled around the Boogeyman's head, briefly taking the shapes of butterflys- here Sandy resisted the urge to chuckle. He had a job to do here, after all, and unless he wanted to hear Tooth harping on at him for the rest of eternity, he knew he should do it.

Sandy refocused and immediately realized that there was a problem. Something was blocking the dream from settling itself in Pitch's mind and Sandy thought he knew what it was. Pitch was a Nightmare, plain and simple. He wasn't meant to experience dreamsand and when Sandy tried again he felt a presence inside Pitch's mind rebuking the dreamsand's hold. He frowned and focused harder. Pitch's subconscious was, well, more complex that any Sandy had ever given a dream to. It was almost like there were more people than Pitch inside his head, which wasn't completely an insane idea, seeing as how it was _Pitch_ they were talking about.

Sandy flexed his fingers and tried to plant a dream into the outer layers of Pitch's mind where hopefully it would latch on to a memory and Pitch would relax into a regular dream, but the black powers that Pitch controlled seemed to have other ideas and, indeed a mind of their own. The dream was of a tall, spiky-haired man bouncing a child upon his knee. The man was wearing thin, beautifully decorated and regal armor that hadn't _ever_ been seen on Earth and the little girl was wearing a knee-length dress and a star-locket around his neck.

It was one of the memories Sanderson was sure Pitch- or at least, the man he was, would remember. Sadly, it didn't have time to latch on before the blackness pounced on the dream and tore it apart. Sandy flinched and he swore he could hear a voice inside Pitch's head hissing, _"Leave us!"_

_This is going to be harder than I thought,_ Sandy thought, taking his hand away from Pitch's forhead and rubbing it with his other hand. _Not only will it be hard to give Pitch a dream because of his natural block towards dreams, but it will be practically _impossible_ to give Pitch a dream without the forces inside of him ripping it apart._

Still, Sandy knew that he had to banish those nightmares, at least for a while. So he readied himself, took a deep breath, prayed he was doing the right thing and delved deep into the Boogeyman's mind.

Meanwhile, Tooth was doing her best to keep the wound clean. She'd just finished betting all the puss off of the wound, during which Pitch bucked and thrashed wildly and she silently cursed Sandy for not keeping him calmer, then she felt bad about it. She knew it wasn't Sandy's fault, after all. He hadn't even signed up for this. It had been her that wanted to try and help Pitch and here she was, asking his worst enemy to help her help him! What had she been thinking?!

Yet still, Sandy had agreed to help and she could tell it was putting quite a lot of strain on him. _What must it be like, _she wondered, _inside Pitch's head?_

"Baby Tooth, would you bring me the jar please?" Tooth asked, turning to her daughter. Baby Tooth nodded and flew over to drop the jar in the palm of her hand without hesitation. "Good girl. Thank you." Tooth unscrewed the lid and nearly gagged as a sickly-sweet aroma filled the air. "Ack! Moon, Baby Tooth are you sure you got the right kind?"

Baby Tooth's eyes narrowed and she launched into a long rant about how she had to infiltrate the Pole and then get to Phil's office without being seen by any other yeti, elf or Guardian. Then she squeaked pointedly about how she had to quickly convince Phil that one of her sister had indeed been bitten by a spider and how hard it had been getting out with that stupid jar weighing her down. _Then _she started on about how hard it had been to get past the nightmare that had been guarding the entrance to Pitch's caves and how many times she'd nearly been killed.

Finally, after quite a lot of squeaking and irritated gestures, the little fairy stopped for breath and fixed her mother with an angry and slightly exasperated look. After all that trouble, did her mother _really_ think she was going to come back with the wrong jar?

Tooth sighed. "OK, OK, calm your feathers." she said placating. "I know how hard you worked to get me this and I'm highly grateful. First things first tomorrow, you're going to get a long rest and some organic nectar as a treat. Anyway, I was just wondering because this stuff smells really sweet."

Baby Tooth's excitement at the prospect of her rest and the nectar went out like a blown light bulb and she sighed, rolling her eyes sky- er, ceiling-wards and slowly- like she was talking to a child and not the other way around -explained that the mixture, like all the other spider-bite medicines Phil had given her, had portions of honey and thyme and other sweet/useful ingredients mixed in to ease the pain.

"Oh." Tooth said, feeling silly.

Baby Tooth gave her mother a look that clearly said_ yeah, __**oh**__._

Tooth gave her little daughter's nose a tweak and said, "Don't be so snarky." then she turned back to Pitch and started to apply the greenish gunk.

_Mother! _Baby Tooth complained, rubbing her nose. _I'm not a hundred anymore! _To the fairies, a hundred was practically a baby.

"You're still my baby girl, like it or not." Tooth said, giving her daughter a playful smile as she worked the salve into the wound. Sandy must've gotten a hold on Pitch's nightmares by now because when she touched the wound, he didn't thrash anymore. _Good._ She thought. _That should make it easier to work this stuff in and when he's got it completely healed, I can-_

But whatever she was going to do, she forgot about when Sandy patter her arm and gave her the OK sign. They were good to go.

"Oh, thanks Sandy. Yeah, I've just finished applying this stuff, whatever it is, and I think he should be good for a while."

Sandy shook his head and pointed to the wound, then made a band-aid.

"Oh, right. A bandage." Tooth said, straightening up and giving her back a mighty pop, then heading off to find another cloth. She returned minutes later with a pile of gauze in one hand and a roll of duct-tape in the other.

Sandy raised an eyebrow at the duct-tape.

"Hey, it was the only thing I could find." she said, ripping four thin pieces of the tape and sticking them over the bandage. Then, when the tape was secured to the cloth, she laid the cloth across Pitch's back, smoothed the tape over and sat back to admire her handiwork. "Not bad for a fairy." she said. Then she took hold of his right arm and attempted to turn him over so that he would be more comfortable, but she was stopped.

"Don't turn him over though Tooth," Abby warned. Sandy jumped. It had been a bit since Abby had spoken and, in truth, he'd forgotten she was there. "It'll hurt him and he needs to have that bandage you put on him taken off every hour and a fresh coat of that stuff applied to the wound, followed by a fresh bandage."

Tooth immediately laid him back down and nodded. "OK, got it." Five minutes silence. Sandy and Tooth both stared at Pitch's face that hung over the edge of the couch, each thinking similar thoughts.

_I hope he comes out of it alright. _That was Tooth._ I'd never forgive myself if he doesn't._

Sandy's thoughts were more,_ this better be worth it. If Pitch comes out of his stupor and continues to be a world-class jerk, I will pound him into this floor, injured or no._

After a while, Sandy turned to Tooth and wrote, S_o, what was that I heard about telling me everything that has happened and not leaving out a single word?_

Tooth nodded. "I guess I do owe you an explanation"

If Sandy hadn't been a Guardian, he knew he would've wrote_ damn right._

"Well, it's a long and complicated story." Tooth said, nervously fidgeting with her fingers.

_My favorite kind._

"It's probably going to be hard to believe," she added.

_Please, Tooth. _Sandy wrote, smiling and waving his hand at the lair around them. _How more crazy can you get? I'm the Sandman, man, and I'm just sitting in the lair of my worse enemy. Nothing can top that._

Abby's voice bloomed through the speakers. She was laughing. Sandy looked up, confused. "Oh Sandy, trust me, it's a lot crazier than you might think."

Sandy folded his arms and smiled. _Lets hear it then_.

"OK." Tooth said. And then she told Sandy everything that had happened since the girls had told her about Pitch back in Santoff Clausen.


	17. Jamie Believes And 3 Out Of 5 Know

**Hello everybody! I'm so glad I'm getting all these wonderful reviews and I'm super excited that you can't wait to see the end of my wonderful story. Well, I'll tell you right now, it's almost done. I know, but I promise you won't be disappointed.**

**I know, short author's note, but I needed to get things rolling. I hope you enjoy!  
**

* * *

Jamie Bennett had had a fairly decent day. In the morning his mom had fixed his favorite eggs, scrambled with bacon bits, and his little sister Sophie had tittered about seeing Bunny again all through breakfast. A few days ago, Bunny stopped by the house and offered to take Sophie down to the Warren for the day. Jamie had said it was OK, but they needed to make sure that his mom wasn't going to get worried about them, so he had told his mother they were going out for the day.

His mother had heartily approved and had even offered to drive them, but Jamie said that he could handle walking with Sophie. He was eleven, after all. His mother had agreed and Bunny told Sophie to expect him later tomorrow. Needless to say, she was ecstatic and she couldn't go five minutes without saying, "Bunny! Hop hop hop!" It made Jamie glad that he had friends like the Guardians.

After breakfast, Jamie had had to go to school and nothing memorable had happened there. His friends had been bored out of their minds by classes and had practically stampeded outside to get to the sun and blue sky. It was the end of June and summer was almost upon them. Jamie couldn't wait to get out of school and spend every minute he could hanging out with Jack at the Pole. True, summer was his least-favorite season since learning of Jack's existence about three months ago, but he still liked walking around when it wasn't too hot out.

The rest of the day had been average. Jamie had goofed around with Claude and Caleb, played a serious game of tic tac toe with Monty- who won, and discussed the merits of various fictional characters with Cupcake.

"Blah." She said when she heard his opinion of Annabeth from Percy Jackson. "Clarisse kicked her butt more times than countable!"

"So your favorite is Clarisse?" Jamie asked, surprised that Cupcake, who's real name was Margret, liked Rick Riordan. "Makes sense."

"Nah, my favorite is Thalia." Cupcake said proudly. "She's awesome!"

"She was a tree."

"But she was an awesome _magical_ tree!" Cupcake protested. "She kept the camp safe!"

"I like Nicco the best," put in Pippa.

"Yeah, because you think he's cute." Cupcake said, smirking as Pippa's face grew pink.

"I do not!" she said, looking like she wanted to run very far away and never return.

"No, that's right," Cupcake said, smiling evilly. Everyone gulped. They knew that look. That was the look Cupcake got when she was going to royally embarrass one of them. "You like _Jamie, _don't you?"

Jamie's eyes bugged, Pippa went beet red, and the twins and Monty started giggling, half in amusement and half in relief that it wasn't one of them.

"Oh, oh, I was right!" Cupcake said, fist-pumping with glee. "YES! Yes yes YES! Now all I need to do is get the twins girlfriends and we'll all have an even group!"

Monty frowned. "What about me?"

Cupcake turned and gave him a cocky smile. Monty's eyes bulged behind their lenses and Pippa's eyes lit up with glee.

"Oh my gosh, you have a crush on Monty!" she said as loudly as she could.

Cupcake didn't seem even mildly embarrassed. In fact, she seemed proud of it. "Indeed." she said, giving Monty a bow. "And I look forward to teasing you guys as much as possible about it."

Pippa blinked. "Wait, I thought _we_ were supposed to tease _you_ about this?" she said, sounding confused, which she was.

Monty's face reddened and Cupcake smirked. "Well, you would, if I didn't already know who you liked and thus nullifies my secret crush on Monty. Speaking of which," she said, turning back to Pippa. "JAMIE AND PIPPA, SITTING IN A TREE! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

"CUPCAKE! I'M GONNA POUND YOU!" Pippa hollered, taking off after Cupcake as she bolted, laughing and singing, "First come love, then comes marriage, then comes the Baby in the Baby carriage!"

The guys just looked at each other and shrugged. Monty was still beet red and Jamie was a little pink, but he wasn't too worried about it. Pippa and Cupcake had a really weird relationship. They were like nonidentical twins, always teasing each other and messing around, but never being really mean. The guys watched Pippa tear across the lawn after Cupcake as she sang the rest of the song and they shared a look that said they were all thinking the same thing: _Girls are weird._

Later in the day, Jamie volunteered to pick his sister up from pre-school and they walked home together, Sophie chattering all about how happy she would be to see Bunny.

"Bunny! Hop hop hop!"

Jamie smiled. His little sister was so young. The older he got, the more he understood about the world around him and the more he learned. Sophie, however, just seemed to be content as she was. A happy, bubbly little ball of energy.

"Bunny!" she said again.

"I know Soph, you're excited to see Bunny. I am too." Jamie said. "Now let's get home so we can have dinner."

"Rinner!" Sophie said, mimicking her favorite show, Scooby Doo.

"Rup. Rinner." Jamie said, playing along. He'd liked Scooby Doo when he was younger too, still did as a matter of fact. He liked how Scooby spoke and how he never seemed to understand that he was a dog.

"He he. Rinner! Rinner!" Sophie chirped, bouncing along beside him as she hopped over the cracks in the sidewalk.

Now it was early evening and Jamie was sitting at his computer desk, playing Bloons Tower Defense 5. Well, in all honesty he was _losing_ Bloons Tower Defense 5.

"Grah!" he said, pushing the mouse away in disgust as he lost the level for the third time in the row. "Yeesh, Monty was right! This is hard!"

Monty, after the Cupcake episode, had started talking about this awesome game that he'd been playing in an effort to distract the other guys from his new fangirl. The game was about strategy and cunning and the object was to not let the bloons get to the end of the track by buying monkeys with different powers and setting them by the track to pop the bloons. There were a bunch of different tracks and twenty different monkeys.

Monty told them the game was super hard, but he had gotten to the advanced tracks within a week of playing. The guys didn't believe him and so they had challenged him to a game on two-player mode. Claude, the video-game master of the group, played Monty and Monty won. Monty said that Claude had to pay him five bucks and call him the new video-game master. Claude had agreed, albeit reluctantly, and Monty had walked away five bucks richer. Now Jamie was trying to win the game to prove he could beat Monty, but no such luck.

"Man, how are they so fast?!" Jamie asked, staring at the screen as the game over sign flashed and the bloons sped towards the exit. "I swear, they have a mind of-"

"Jamie!" His mother called form downstairs. "Aren't you supposed to be doing homework?"

Jamie winced. Right. Homework. "Um, I'll do it now!" he called back.

"Thank you." his mother said.

Jamie clicked the exit button and turned to his backpack on his bed, which held the hated homework.

"It's almost summer Jamie," Jamie told himself as he picked up the pack and rifled through the papers inside. "Soon you won't have to worry about trivial things like school work and can just spend day after day playing with Jack."

In all honesty, Jamie didn't have much homework. He had a paper about molecules due tomorrow which he was half-done with already, a few essay questions and an English assignment. The English assignment looked the hardest, so Jamie decided to tackle that first. He slid the folder out and opened it. The title read, **Research the origins and roots of modern poetry.**

Jamie moaned. "Poetry! Man, this is worse than more common quotations."

Common quotations was a curse among fifth graders and their English teacher sprung it on them frequently. He would randomly pop up out of nowhere and spout some fancy gibberish, then ask them if they knew the original or where whatever he said had come from. It was really annoying, but they learned a bit. Jamie's personal favorite was learning where the term 'shut your pie-hole' came from.

Jamie signed. He hated poetry, but he figured he should get it over with as quickly as possible, so he began to read the rest of the assignment.

**Choose one of the four common poems and look up the subject, author, puns and/or similes with real people, traditions or symbols. Then type your information up and staple it to the assignment packet.**

Jamie nodded. Sounded easy. The first poem was Ring around the Rosies. Jamie shuddered. He knew the story behind _that_ poem and he didn't even bother thinking about it. Not _that_ one. The next was another familiar poem.

"Red on Black, friend of Jack. Red on yellow, dangerous fellow." Jamie read aloud, then he smiled. "Jack would like that. Maybe I should do that one." He deliberated on it for a few minutes, then decided on reading the last two before deciding. The third poem was a short clip from Mending Wall, a poem Jamie had read when he was a seven-year-old. In his defense, he thought it would have Jack Frost in it, because of the name of the author- _Robert_ Frost. Plenty of kids made that mistake.

"Before I built a wall," Jamie recited, not even needing to look at the paper. "I'd ask to know what I was walling in or walling out. And to whom I was likely to give offense, for sure there be something that does not love a wall, that wants it down." then he smiled. He'd read that poem on the introduction of the Dark Hills Divide, one of his favorite books. He still had it on his shelves actually, and he resisted the urge to put down the paper and pick up the worn volume now to rifle through it. He needed to read the last poem, and then he needed to choose which of the three to use for the assignment.

Jamie glanced down at the paper and when his eyes fell on the first two lines, his jaw dropped. "Oh. . . my. . . gods. If I choose this, Jack will kill me!"

He probably wouldn't, but Jamie didn't know that. What he _did_ know was every time someone mentioned it, Jack grew sullen and hostile and didn't want to talk until whoever it had been who had started it apologized, as Pippa had learned when she'd mentioned it a month ago. He;d avoided all of them for a month until they went to the Pole to talk to North about it. He was the one who had explained Jack's strange attitude.

Jamie decided that if he was going to do this, he was going to do it completely alone. He got up and checked every nook and cranny of his bedroom, giving every shadow he saw the _I'm watching you _look and then he made sure to bolt the windows, in case Jack decided to finally make an unexpected visit. Last of all, he checked that his mother was downstairs and far enough so that she wouldn't hear him if he went too loud. She was there, and he could hear Sophie blundering around in the room next door, so she wasn't going to burst in on him. All was well.

Jamie crossed the room and picked up the paper, scanning it for a second until he found the section and sang the song quietly so no one could hear him.

"Chestnuts roasting by an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose. Yuletide carols being sung by a choir, and folks dressed up like Eskimos."

Once he's finished he started breathing normally again. If _anyone_ saw him singing Christmas carols in the early summer, they would either laugh or wonder if he was a little cracked in the attic. Either way, he would never live it down. Jamie set the paper down and turned to his computer, switching it on and waiting patiently as the machine whirred to life. As he waited he kept glancing at the paper. Which poem should he choose?

Mending Wall was the obvious choice, because he already knew the whole poem by heart and even a little bit about the author.

Jamie smirked. Who was he kidding. He was obviously going to choose the last poem. Not only would it give him an excuse to learn more about his new friend, but it would be fun.

"Just think how much I can do with some black-mail-worthy information." Jamie whispered, rubbing his hands in glee and speed-typing his password into the protected computer. This hadn't actually come with the computer. Monty had installed the password protection, at Jamie's request because his little sister had snuck into his room just after he'd gotten it and changed all his documents around.

Jamie opened Google right off the bat and, after checking his gmail- nothing except an ad for shaving cream. Honestly, what kind of ad agency sends an eleven-year-old an ad for shaving cream?- he started typing in _Jack Frost origins_. He was typing so fast he barely had time to check that he was spelling it right and only when he clicked enter and looked up from his keyboard did he noticed that he'd wrote _Jack Frost rigins_ instead of _Jack Frost origins. _He quickly backspaced and was about to re-write the sentence when something on the page before him caught his eye.

"Jack Frost: Rise of the Guardians?" Jamie said, reading the bold title aloud. "Huh?" he clicked on the title and soon a wide picture of the four Guardians, plus Jack Frost, filled the screen. Jamie gaped. They had a _website_?! "Jack never told me about this!" he exclaimed, clicking on Jack's section of the page. The link took a few minutes to upload, during which Jamie was practically hopping up and down with anticipation.

The screen loaded and Jamie sat there, stunned, as he looked at a picture of his best friend leaning against his cane with a chilly winter-backdrop drawn behind him. Jamie zoomed in. Yep, it was definitely the same Jack. Same hair, same eyes, same smile. Then Jamie noticed a long section of text near the lower part of the screen and he clicked on it.

_Jack Frost, _it read,_ formerly known as Jackson Overland,_ _is a three-hundred-year-old rebellious teen with the magical powers to create winter and cold. His powers are channeled through a long wooden staff in the shape of a Shepard's crook and he wears a simple blue hoodie and brown pants. Being a frost spirit, he can't feel cold or ice, thought he will melt in warmer climates. His powers as well as his health is tied to his staff and if the staff breaks, as it did in Antarctica, he will be not completely powerless but his powers are erratic, unfocused and may cause more harm than good._

"Wow." Jamie said, completely blown away. How had this been on the internet and no one had told them about it?! "I've gotta see more!" he said, sounding like a hypnotized zombie. "gotta see more!" and he did. He saw each and every picture and read each and every bio, including the bio of probably the only person in the world Jamie hated. Pitch Black, the Boogeyman.

_Pitch Black, it said, previously known as Kozmotis Pitchner, general of the Golden Army and hero of the Golden Ages, was transformed by Fearlings at the end of the Golden Age into Pitch Black, the Boogeyman. Pitch is a lethal six-foot specter with slick black hair and a robe that melds with his skin, like the shadows he controls. The Boogeyman is the epitome of the thing that goes bump in the night and has a tendency to hide under children's beds. His minions are a type of shadow-beast called Nightmares that were crafted using Sanderson's dreamsand and unknown elements to turn dreams into nightmares._

"Wow." Jamie said when he'd finished the Boogeyman's bio. "I never knew Pitch was a general."

After that, Jamie read through just about everything on the site. His eyes got wider and wider with each new revelation. North was a bandit! Bunnymund was a sorcerer! Toothiana was a warrior! Sandy was a star! The only thing he didn't learn that much about, apart from his bio, was Pitch. Apparently he wasn't that popular in this universe.

Jamie signed and leaned back in his seat, absorbing in all the new information about his friends. Jack had been alive three hundred years. Bunnymund had been alive much longer and had been the one to make the earth round. SANDY WAS A FREAKING STAR! (He still had a hard time getting his mind around that. Can you tell?) and most astonishing of all, they had all been someone- or, in Sandy's case some_thing, _before they'd been chosen.

"Wow." He said, staring at the main screen where the Guardians- and Pitch, at the bottom, were smiling- grinning creepily in Pitch's case, at him. "I wonder of there is something else about this Rise of the Guardians thing online. Maybe I can learn more about Pitch." Honestly, he was intrigued by the idea that Pitch could've been someone before he was the Boogeyman. North had been a bandit, Tooth had been a queen, Bunny had been a sorcerer/ninja, SANDY HAD BEEN A STAR, and Jack had been an ordinary kid who had saved his sister from falling through the ice.

"But what was Pitch?" Jamie asked himself, staring at the Boogeyman's face. "It said he was a General, but it didn't say anything else." he knew his curiosity was peaked and he couldn't ignore it. Each second he waited, the pull of his curiosity became stronger and stronger until he finally let out an "Ugh!" of submission and clicked Google again, feverishly typing in Pitch's name.

Jamie waited for several agonizing minutes, tapping his fingers against the mouse and breathing rapidly. He was curious, but it as more than that. He hadn't the faintest idea why, but something inside him was compelling him to learn more about the Boogeyman. It was odd. Pitch had been the Guardian's enemy the therefore _his_ enemy since the incident last Easter, but something inside his mind was telling him that there was more to Pitch than met the eye. For one, his reasons for wanting the world to be covered in darkness.

Jamie hadn't actually heard any of his reasons and the Guardians hadn't told him anything, so this made him even more curious. He found himself wanting to know _why. W__hy_ had Pitch wanted to turn the world into shadow? Was it because he was simply bad and wanted to kill the Guardians? Somehow Jamie couldn't bring himself to believe that. The Boogeyman scared, he didn't kill. He supposed it could just be spite, but there had to be more to it than that.

Five minutes later, the page loaded and several things popped up. Jamie eagerly pounced upon his mouse and looked at the screen. The first was a commercial for a movie, one that Jamie as sure his mother wouldn't want him to see, and the next was link to Wikipedia. Jamie chose the Wiki link and clicked without even bothering to look farther. Wikipedia had steered him right in the past and he trusted it.

The page loaded in less than a second and soon he was scrolling down Pitch Black's wiki. He skipped over Powers and Appearance completely- already knowing what he could do and what he looked like, and went straight to History. There, he read all about the Golden age and Pitch's history. It turned out Pitch hadn't just been _a_ general, he'd been _THE_ General. The leader of a Golden Army that had terrorized the shadows and sent all dark beings to prisons on different planets.

He had traveled the galaxies trapping and killing Fearlings, shadow-monsters compiled out of only fear, and then coming home to his own planet with his family. Jamie's eyes had bugged out so far when he'd read that Pitch had, a long time ago, been human and had a family. It was unbelievable!

"He even had a kid!" Jamie said in disbelief. "And a wife, and a home, and a life!" It was more than surprising. It was straight-up unbelievable.

Jamie continued to read down farther on the wiki and was further astounded by Pitch's transformation to the Boogeyman he was now. Apparently he'd been turned into the Boogeyman by the very monsters he'd been sent to guard. The Fearlings had turned him Pitch Black, then Pitch- apparently without his memories, had gone on a killing spree and murdered his wife and the king and queen who ruled over his planet. This time had been known as the Dark Ages.

Then Sandman- sweet, kind Sandy, had stepped in and beat him to a bloody pulp and thrown him back into the shadows. For decades after the Dark Ages Pitch hadn't been believed in and his power had waned, so he'd concocted a scheme to get his powers back. He'd tried to kill the Man in the Moon as a baby, but by that time the Guardians had been formed and they beat him back again. This cycle continued for several centuries until the battle of last Easter. Each time, Pitch had just wanted to be believed in and seen.

"Oh my gosh," Jamie said, staring at the screen. "That's. . ." there weren't words to describe how horrified Jamie was at this new realization. It was such a sad story, and such a horrible one. Murdering his _wife,_ without_ knowing it_, and being alone and invisible for so long. So _that_ was how Pitch had become the Boogeyman. _That_ as why he enjoyed scaring children so much and wanted to turn the world dark and shadowy. He just wanted to be believed in.

Jamie just sat there, staring at the screen with his mouth open, for a long time. He was just too horrified to speak. _Did the Guardians know about this? _If so, why on earth hadn't they tried to help Pitch? There must've been ways to change him, to turn him back into the being he was.

"I can't believe this." Jamie said, pushing his chair back and starting to pace his room. "I can't believe they didn't try to help him."

Jamie paced for a long time, thinking about the Guardians and Pitch and all that he had learned tonight. It was overwhelming. Pitch Black, the Boogeyman and enemy of his friends the Guardians, had once been a person with a life and a family. True, he had killed people and that was bad, but he wasn't himself! The wiki said it as the Fearlings controlling him and making him to those things. Why didn't the Guardians help him, instead of driving him farther and farther into the darkness?

_I understand why he did all that stuff on Easter now, _Jamie thought. _He just wanted to be believed in and seen again. Just like Jack._

Jack.

It was amazing how much Pitch and Jack were alike, Jamie thought as he sank back down into his chair and propped his head on his hands. They both wanted to be seen and they both would've done anything to get it. The difference was, Pitch decided to act on his anger and Jack just kept it bottled up until he'd exploded during that fight between them when Jack had knocked Pitch out of the sky.

"If Jack hadn't been chosen as a Guardian, he probably would have joined Pitch." Jamie said. "And then the Guardians probably wouldn't have won." it was true. He remembered how weak the Guardians had been in the last battle with Pitch. North hadn't been able to raise his swords and Bunny had been, well, a bunny. Even Jack had been beaten badly by Pitch. If Jack hadn't been on their side, they definitely wouldn't have made it.

Jamie leaned back in his chair again, remembering Pitch's words at the end of that battle. _Still think there's no such thing as the Boogeyman?_

"I do believe in you," Jamie whispered, remembering his own words from those long months ago. "I'm just not afraid of you." Now _why_ had he said that? It might be true _now_, but it certainly hadn't been then. He'd actually been terrified, but he had hid it behind a mask of bravery and, luckily for him, the others believed it.

Jamie opened his eyes. _Belief,_ he thought, sitting up in his seat and staring with wide, excited eyes at the screen. _That's what all of this, Pitch's comeback, Jack, the Guardians, that's all what it's been about! Who gets belief, who _deserves_ belief, who doesn't._

_"_It's all about belief!" Jamie said aloud, feeling his heart speed up. "Pitch just wanted to be believed in and he made the Guardians stop being believed in to try and make them see how he felt, but they didn't understand. Pitch didn't wanted everything to be covered in darkness and he didn't wanted anyone to die! He just wanted belief."

This realization had a paralytic effect on the boy and, for the longest time he just sat there, staring at the screen. His emotions were all jumbled up in his mind and he figured that any moment he was going to start crying like a toddler. Why hadn't the Guardians explained this?

_"_We deserved to know that he wasn't all bad." Jamie said, suddenly feeling angry. He was angry with the Guardians, Jack, and most of all, with himself. His father had a saying- "there are two sides to every coin, son. Only a truly fair person looks at both." and Jamie realized that he hadn't even bothered to try and find out the other side. Pitch's side.

"Oh come on!" he told himself harshly. "_I'm_ not the one to blame here! Jack and the other Guardians are. We _deserved_ to know what happened to Pitch, but they didn't tell us. Why? Did they think we were too delicate to know the history of the big bad Boogeyman? If not for this wiki, I probably _still_ wouldn't know about it." Anger was beginning to take root in Jamie's mind. He was angry, no, he was furious. Given the information he knew, he was actually completely justified to be mad. The Guardians had smacked Pitch down after centuries of keeping him under beds and in the shadows. They hadn't even given him a chance!

Jamie stood up. Thinking about all of this was giving him a headache and that was making him even more angry, so he crossed over to his big window and opened it. Cool air blew across his scowling face and Jamie's expression faltered. Yes, he was mad, but he couldn't stay that way. He wanted answers and he knew that there were only five people who could provide them. The Guardians, and Pitch Black.

Jamie was all set to use the emergency Snow globe North had given him to head to the Pole for some answers, when he noticed something flashing at the bottom of the screen out of the corner of his eye. It was so small and he was so angry, he almost missed it. He sat back down and looked at it. It was a message, an email.

"No one has be email except my friends," he said aloud, wondering if it was just an ad. The flashing message symbol, an envelope, was flashing more urgently and Jamie quickly clicked it. He wasn't feeling angry anymore, just betrayed and he thought that, if it was a message from Pippa or Monty, he might feel better. He opened the message. It wasn't from any of his friends. They all had names he recognized. This message was from someone with a strange username that he had never heard of before. Someone named Mystichawk.

_Dear Jamie Bennett,_ the message said, _My name is Mystichawk. You don't know me and I have never met you. We live on opposite sides of the country, we have never spoken or met face to face. I'm saying these things so you'll know how hard it was to track you down. I spent weeks searching for you on the kid games sites and I even used Google, but nothing came up. At least, nothing about you that was important._

Jamie frowned. Why would she want to talk to him, assuming it was a her.

_I bet you're wondering why I would want to talk to you right now, right?_

Jamie's eyes widened. She- or whoever it was, was a mind-reader? Freaky.

_I'm not a mind-reader, Jamie. I'm just guessing how you feel right now._

Jamie blinked, then he raised his head and looked around his room, wondering if there were any secret cameras hidden in his room.

_There are no cameras_ _Jamie. Relax._

Jamie let out a sigh of relief.

_Now, I have something very important to tell you. It has to do with your friend, Jack Frost._

Jamie's eyes bugged. "How do you know about Jack Frost?" he asked.

_How isn't important, Jamie. All you need to know is that I know about it all. Jack, the Guardians, Sophie, Pitch, and you. I know it all._

Jamie felt his eyes bug out further.

_Now listen, there is something very important I need you to do for me. It is vital that it be you, because they won't believe me and I can't show them. It has to be you!_

"What has to be me?" Jamie asked.

_I know you're probably confused right now, but I need you to trust me. I know that's a lot to ask, but you have to._

Jamie nodded. "OK." He knew he was going out on a limb here, but something told him that this was a safe thing to do.

_Now, there is a site on the internet called Fanfiction. net. Not dot com, dot net. I need you to go on that site and look up the story by me, called the Boogeyman Tries To Understand Fanfiction. Then I need you to call Jack and tell him to come to your house. It's _vital_ that you do this. You can even read it while you're waiting for him, if you want. It will answer a few of your questions, though you might not like some parts. It was written by me, after all. And I'm a sixteen-year-old girl._

_Ha! I knew she was a girl, _Jamie thought triumphantly.

_When he comes, you need to show him the latest chapter, the one called _Sandy: Why is it always ME!_ Got that? It's more important than you can imagine that Jack reads this chapter._

Jamie nodded slowly. "Um, OK... but why?" he was starting to get a little freaked out by this Mystichawk. She seemed to know what he was going to say before he did it, like he was in a story and she was the author.

_Jamie, this task is something you must do tonight. If not tonight, all that I've worked for will be destroyed._

Jamie's eyes bugged once again. "D- destroyed?" he said, stammering slightly. "What do you mean?"

_You'll find out exactly what I mean, when you read the story. Trust me._

Jamie was sick of this one-way conversation stuff, so he bent down over his keyboard and typed up another question. _You keep asking me to do that. Why are you so trustworthy?_

The message went through and Jamie barely had to wait a minute before the answer was sitting right in front of him on the screen.

_I'm trustworthy because I'm trying to help._

Jamie rolled his eyes and was about to write another response, consisting of _Really? _But she wrote another response before he could.

_Jamie, how much do you know about Pitch?_

Jamie's face went slightly pink, then a darker shade of red as he remembered the knowledge he'd gained tonight about the Boogeyman. He felt his hands shake as he typed out his answer. _I know everything, _he wrote_. I know about the Fearlings and how he was a general, and I know about his daughter and how the Guardians kept beating him back into the shadows and didn't even bother to try and help him. I know._

_Good. Then you know the great injustice done to Pitch by the Guardians. What you probably don't know is that Pitch isn't exactly an innocent either. _

_I do know,_ Jamie wrote back. _I know how he tried to kill the man in the moon as a kid, I know how he tried to kill Sandy at Easter._

_Oh Jamie, that isn't the half of it. Pitch not only tried to kill the man in the moon but he destroyed all of Bunny's people, the Pooka warriors, and turned children like you into Fearlings. You know how they are pure fear? Well, Pitch took regular Fearlings and put them inside of children. It didn't work, however. The powers were too much for the corporeal body to handle and so they all died. Pitch did some horrible things when he was younger, and since he has paid the price with his invisibility_

Jamie was stunned. Pitch, the person he had been ready to defend a moment ago, had destroyed an entire _race?!_

_That's horrible. _He wrote._ I mean, I knew about how he killed his wife when the Fearlings had turned him, but I didn't know he'd done anything that horrible._

_It is horrible,_ she wrote._ What's more horrible is the fighting that has gone on between the Guardians because of something that started ten thousand years ago. All have been hurt and no one has really won. Pitch is still a monster- granted, he's a bit less of a monster than he was, but he still is the Boogeyman, and the Guardians are still head-strong twats._

_Hey! _Jamie wrote. _I'm best friends with one of those twats! _Then, after a moment's hesitation, _What's a twat anyway?_

_Never you mind. We are getting off-track. Jamie, I'm trying to help end thousands of years of fighting between the Guardians and Pitch Black. If you want to help me, then you need to call Jack and show him the chapter. That's all I need you to do._

Jamie sighed. _I don't know if I can. I mean, after what I just read. . ._

_Pitch's wiki?_

_Yeah._

_Just try not to hit him. Remember, Jack wasn't there when all of this happened. He's only three hundred years old._

Jamie sighed again. _I know. I know. He wasn't there, but that still doesn't change my feelings about Guardians in general._

_I understand Jamie. Believe me, when I first heard about what they'd done, just because he wanted to be believed in, I felt like jumping on a plane to the North Pole to pound the Guardians, but I calmed down and decided that I could help another way. By changing things. By helping Pitch. Listen, I've got to go. Someone's calling me. Just look for my story and you'll completely understand._

_Um, OK, but can you answer me one question?_

_Make it quick, Jamie. I really have to go._

Jamie sighed and wrote the question he'd been wondering about for the longest time, since she started messaging him.

_Who are you?_

Nothing, for the longest time. . . At least, it felt like the longest time; in reality, it was about five minutes.

_I'm just a normal teenager, Jamie. I'm not a spirit or come great cosmic force. I'm just a kid who thinks that it's time for a change. What about you?_

Jamie didn't know how to answer that, so he didn't. He just sat there, staring at the screen.

Was he going to help her? Did he want the stupid fighting he'd read about to stop? Could he handle lying to his friend-

"I can." Jamie said coldly. "He lied to me, after all."

_No, he didn't!_ Jamie's mind told him._ He had no idea about any of this. He wasn't alive when this happened._

"No, but the Guardians were." Jamie said through gritted teeth. He stood up and headed to the open window where the cool breeze blew into his face, cooling it and the moonlight shone onto his front yard, casting everything in shadows. "And they didn't tell me about it. Why? Because they thought I didn't need to know? Because they were protecting themselves and wanted to keep me believing in them?" Jamie snorted. "Well, that's backfiring on them, because I don't. I don't believe in them, not anymore."

_Jamie NO!_

Jamie was shaken out of his anger by a frantic beeping on his computer inbox. He turned around and flew to his computer chair. _What, what's wrong?_

_Jamie, don't you dare stop believing in the Guardians!_

Jamie's eyes widened. _Wait, how did you know I was about to stop believing?_

_I just know, alright? DON'T! That isn't what I want._

_But I can't help it! _He wrote furiously, trying to not cry._ They lied to me!_

_They aren't lying, Jamie. They saw no reason why you should need to know. Or, maybe they just didn't think about that at all during the battle. That's not the same as lying._

Jamie sighed. _Mystichawk, I'm so conflicted! I don't know if I should be mad at them or mad at Pitch or mad at myself. If I see jack, I might get mad and start yelling at him._

_Jamie, first of all- it's Abby. My username may be Mystichawk, but that's too much of a mouthful, so just call me Abby. Secondly, how about don't be mad at anybody? Yeah, you heard me right. Being mad isn't going to help anyone do anything, so, if you want my advice, just let it go. It happened, big deal. You're not going to do anything to change it if you start yelling at Jack, who has NOTHING to do with this at all._

Jamie sighed. She was right. _OK, _he wrote._ I understand._

_Good. Now, find the story and call Jack. You need to act like you don't know anything about me, or Pitch's past or anything mentioned in my story. Just find the latest chapter and make Jack read it. If he asks where you found it, make up some excuse. You're a smart boy, Jamie._

_Thanks. I'll try my best._

_That's all I ask of you. Now, I've really got to go. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much help you are being right now. Thank you thank you thank you!_

Jamie felt his cheeks blush._ It's OK. After reading about Pitch's past, I kind of want to help too._

_Do you feel sorry for him? _She asked.

Jamie shrugged. _Well, when I saw that he killed his wife I did feel really sorry for him, but now I don't really have an opinion. The Guardians are just as bad as Pitch._

_I agree. Now, hurry. I only have a few minutes left. Just find the story and you should be good._

_Thank you Abby._ Jamie wrote. And he really was thankful that she had messaged him, just when he needed someone to talk to. It really was like he was in a story and she was the author, inserting herself when the time was right.

_No, thank YOU Jamie. You've just started the Guardians and Pitch Black on the path to forgiveness and redemption. That is something few people get to do._

_J_amie smiled._ Well, I hope I don't screw it up by hitting Jack the first time I see him._

_You'll be fine, Jamie. I've got to go. Goodbye, and thank you once again._

Jamie sat back in his chair and sighed. He felt like an entire world was resting on his shoulders.

And, in a way, it was.

XXXXXXXXX

"JACK!"

Jack Frost was soaring over Burgess, taking his favorite short-cut to the North Pole. It calmed him, just like it calmed the other Guardians, to see the tiny town all peaceful and quiet. No Nightmares anywhere, no shadows moving of their own accord, nothing dangerous or threatening. Just one small town where one could come after a long, tiring day.

Not that Jack's day had been long or tiring. No, he'd quite enjoyed his day. Freezing elves, talking to those girls, teasing Bunny, it had all been a blast! Until, of course, Sandy had whacked him with the dreamsand and sent him and Bunny to dreamland for half an hour. When he'd woken up, Bunny was lying on the floor with his arms clasped around his legs and his head burrowed into his knees, crying.

That had slightly freaked him out, until North explained that the girls had said something about Bunny's heritage that always made him curl up and cry. Jack thought that this was a brilliant idea and had prodded for the trigger word or phrase quite persistently, but North had refused to tell him. It took twelve cups of warm carrot juice and Tooth assuring him that they hadn't meant it, whatever it had been, before he finally calmed down and started talking in complete sentences again.

Jack sniggered, remembering how much poor Bunny had stuttered that first hour. The guy had been a bundle of nerves! Jack had never seen him like that and he wished he had a camera, but he still felt kinda sorry for Bunny. He had looked rather sad.

"Still, I wouldn't have minded knowing what it was that made him act like that." Jack said, jumping from roof to roof. "I'll have to ask Jamie. He's got that internet thingy."

Then, almost as if saying the kid's name had it's own magical power, Jack heard a familiar voice calling his name in the distance

"JACK! JACK JACK JACK!"

Jack blinked. Was that Jamie?

"JAMIE?" he called, cupping his hand over his mouth.

"Yeah! Come here! HURRY!"

Jack leaped off of the roof without hesitation and sped to Jamie's house. He was only seven blocks away and soon he saw the familiar brown head and wide brown eyes of Jamie Bennett, his first believer, sticking out of his big window.

"Hey kiddo!" Jack said, drawing his arms and legs straight and tucking his staff under his arm, diving into the kid's room through the small gap between Jamie's head and the upper part of the window. "Miss me?"

Jamie spun around and ran to give his best friend a hug. "Hey Jack! It's been so long! I'm so glad to see you!"

"Whoa kid, it's only been a couple of days!" Jack said, returning the hug and then taking a seat on Jamie's bed.

Jamie folded his arms and pointed to the calendar beside his bed. "Try a week, frosty." he said, smirking.

Jack's eyes bugged out and a horrified O formed on his lips. "A _week?!_" he gasped in fake horror, jumping up and springing over ot the calendar in a single bound. "_No_, that can't be right! I could never go a _week_ without seeing my favorite kid in all the world! It's just not possible! There must be some outside forces at work!"

Jamie smirked. "It's been a week, Jack. I really missed you."

Jack jumped over Jamie's bed and pulled the kid into another hug. "I missed you too, kid. I'm sorry for being gone so long. I just had Guardians stuff to do, you know? And my snow stuff, and other stuff. I've just been-" he stopped and looked down. Jamie's hands had become stiff around his waist and the kid was looking down at his feet. "Jamie, what's wrong?" Jack asked, bending down to push the boy's brown hair back form his eyes.

Jamie closed his eyes and Jack thought he heard the boy mutter something under his breath, but Jamie looked back up at him before he could voice this. "I'm sorry Jack, I know you were busy. I just really really missed you." Jamie reached up and wrapped his arms around Jack's neck and buried his face in Jack's shoulder.

"I- Uh, OK." Jack said, a little shocked by this sudden transformation. Jamie, in the few months he'd known him, didn't get emotional. Then again, Jack realized, he hadn't been gone for this long before. Maybe the boy was freaking out because he hadn't been able to see him.

"Jamie, are you freaking out because you haven't been able to see me?" Jack asked.

Jamie, who was completely faking his breakdown to try and mask the anger that had welled up inside him when Jack had mentioned the G word, decided that that was as good an excuse as any and latched on to it. "Eh, kinda. Maybe. Yeah."

Jack smiled. "Kid, remember what I told you when we defeated Pitch? We'll _always_ be there. In your heart, and that makes you a Guardian too. Remember?"

It took all Jamie's willpower not to push Jack away right then and there, but he retained his composure, for Pitch and Abby's sakes. He needed to get Jack to the computer and he needed not to blow it. "I remember. Thanks Jack." he said, gently pulling away. They looked at each other for about five minutes, then Jamie said, "Oh, Jack, there's something I need to show you!" as if he hadn't been waiting five minutes with barely contained anticipation.

"OK," Jack said. "What's up?"

Jamie took the winter boy's hand and pulled him over to his computer where the screen had gone black while he was waiting. Jamie had indeed read all of Mystichawk's story and boy had he not regretted it. Sure, the parts where the girls were teasing the boys hadn't been his cup of tea, but he'd laughed like crazy anyway. Most of it he hadn't understood, like the references to other stories and things like that, but he hadn't minded. The plot line though was really great. Abby had sure done a lot with this story.

His favorite parts were when Abby teased Pitch. She just did it so effortlessly that he couldn't help laughing and egging them on when they went at it. He wasn't partial to the female thoughts that popped up occasionally, but he laughed anyway. If Pitch was really reading this, then he must either be a raging inferno of fury or laughing his head off.

"I found something really weird on the web." Jamie said. "See, I had to look up the origins of a poem for English class and it was an old Christmas carol, Jack Frost nipping at your-"

"DON'T SAY IT!" Jack roared, pointing a threatening finger at Jamie's nose. "Or I'll freeze it instead of nip it!"

Jamie batted the hand away, glad he'd made Jack angry. "You won't," he taunted. Then he remembered that he wasn't supposed to hate Jack or give him any clues that he wasn't happy. "You wouldn't freeze me." he said, a bit more jokingly.

Jack sighed and hung his head. "It is true. I have too much honor to freeze a being of lower intelligence than me."

"HEY!" Jamie yelled, forgetting for a minute that he was supposed to be mad at Jack and punched him lightly on the shoulder.

Jack smiled. "There's the un-gloomy Jamie Bennett I know," He said, punching Jamie back. "Now, what's this thing you found?"

Jamie almost smiled. He'd forgotten how good it felt to play with Jack. To joke and to just be a kid again. "Oh, right." he said, pointing to the screen and shaking the mouse to wake it up. "I found something while I was looking up that song ad I thought you should see it. It's really weird and it couldn't possibly be true, but I figured you'd want to see it all the same."

Jack bent down and looked at the title. "Hey, I know this!" he exclaimed. "This is Abby's story!"

Jamie almost asked, "You know her too?" out of pure surprise, but he held it in just in time. "Really?" he asked. "That's interesting. Anyway, the story popped up on me and I thought it was something one of my friends had written, so I read the latest chapter. And boy, did I see something weird!"

"What?" Jack asked, his voice breathy with excitement. "What did you find?"

"Take a look." Jamie said, scrolling down and offering Jack his seat. Jack sat and leaned in to read the chapter.

Ten minutes later, Jack let out a loud "WHAT?!" and Jamie let a satisfied smile crease his lips. Good. He was already at the part where Sandy found Tooth. _I can't wait until he reads the rest,_ he thought smugly, folding his arms.

XXXXXXXXXX

"-and that's how I got here." Tooth said, placing her hand on Pitch's back, away from the wound and allowing herself the luxury of touching his bare skin. Doubtlessly she wouldn't have many opportunities to touch it while he was awake, so she figured she'd make the most of it while she could. She let her hand trail over his back, tracing his ribs and waiting for Sandy to reply. When she didn't hear the sound of tinkling sand that meant he had written something, she looked up.

Sandy's eyes were the size of tennis balls and Tooth wondered if he was trying to achieve telescopic sight.

"Sandy, are you alright?" she asked, putting a hand on the Sandman's shoulder. The little man didn't move.

Tooth had just spent the last half hour telling Sandy the story of how she'd gotten down in Pitch's caves, and she was quite tired, but that didn't stop her from being worried about the unmoving Sandman. She had told him all about talking to Manny and making the bargain with Abby, and the spider and the wound. At one time while she was telling Sandy about the spider, they both jerked and Tooth felt like there was a shard of glass in her chest. Sandy had doubled up with pain, but whatever unseen pain it was had disappeared before they could wonder what it was.

After that, Tooth had told Sandy about the kiss. She figured that Sandy wouldn't judge her, so she had told him, and she finished with how she was now committed to helping end the thousands of years of fighting, along with Abby. Now she was sitting there, waiting for Sandy to snap out of it. He hadn't spoken- er, wrote, the entire time and she was a little worried about the silent guardian. He hadn't moved the entire time either, given her no clues to his opinion of her actions and therefore making her even more nervous.

"Sandy?" Tooth asked again, shaking him.

Sandy blinked once, then he seemed to come back to her.

_Oh, I'm fine Tooth. _He wrote, smiling.

"Oh, good." she said in relief, smiling back.

_Although I think I zoned out a bit. _He wrote._ I could have sworn I heard you say you kissed Pitch._

_Damn._ Tooth thought. "Sandy, I _did_ kiss him." she said firmly.

Sandy's smile fell. _Are you kidding me? _He wrote slowly, as if he couldn't believe it. Which he probably didn't.

"I told you you wouldn't believe me," she said, folding her arms and giving the Guardian a sour look.

Sandy gave the unconscious Pitch a glare, as if he had somehow enticed her over to his side and Tooth said, "Don't you glare at him, Sanderson Mansnoozie." sharply, in her 'mother' voice. "I chose to help Pitch and if you don't respect my decision-"

_No no Tooth, it's not that!_ Sandy wrote quickly. _I just don't understand why you would want to help him. He made the children stop believing in you!_

"He wanted to be believed in," Tooth said, rubbing her hand over her face tiredly. "Don't you understand? This is the key to everything. Belief. Pitch wanted it, we Guardians were naïve enough to think that we deserved it more than he did, and in our arrogance we created a monster. Pitch didn't want to truly hurt us. You've got to see that! He just wanted to be seen again."

Sandy folded his arms in a silent disagreement.

"Sandy, You promised to listen to me and I did. I expected nothing less from you," Tooth said, raising her head to look at the golden Guardian. Sandy could see worry lines in her normally happy and carefree face. Her eyes had lost their usual sparkle and now they looked dull and dim. Her mouth was a grim slash of determination and her hands were laced together in her lap now. She looked tired and beaten.

"If you want to leave without helping me, then I won't hold it against you." she said. "Pitch is your mortal enemy, after all. All I ask is that you don't tell the other Guardians. Please!" she begged when Sandy looked affronted at the idea. "You can't tell them just yet! If you do, everything will all fall apart!"

Sandy made question mark.

"Don't you see?" she said, trying to stop herself from crying. She was just so _tired_. Her emotions had run her completely ragged and she couldn't stand another minute of this! "If the other Guardians learn about this before I get a chance to talk to them, they'll come in here and kill him! I can't let that happen!"

Sandy was shocked, to say the least. He had _never_ seen Toothiana act like this, talk like this, heck he'd never seen her like this at all! What had happened to her?

_Tooth, _he began gently, trying to put a hand on her shoulder and calm her down.

Tooth jerked away. "Go!" She said, pointing to the tunnel that led to the surface. "If you want to, just go! I need to help him and to do that I need a friend I can trust!"

_Tooth, _Sandy said more firmly._ I'm not leaving._

Tooth raised her head and read the message. Tears were streaming down her face. "Y- you're not?" she hiccuped.

_No, I'm not. I'm not leaving just yet because you need help. You're exhausted, mentally and physically, you need food and you need someone to watch him while you go sleep. _Sandy wrote. It really pained him to do this, but it pained him even more to see Tooth so tired and still trying to help a man that might not even deserve it.

"But- but I can't go to sleep!" Tooth said, her voice laced with the subtle hints of panic. Her eyes grew bright again, but this time they were bright with fear. "And Sandy, I can't ask you to watch over your worst-"

_Tooth,_ Sandy said, putting a pudgy, yet strong hand on her shoulder. _Listen to me._

Tooth stopped her crying and sniffed. "Okay." she said.

_Thank you. Now, I know full well what Pitch has done, possibly even more than you. I understand that you have seen something in him that I was blind to, because of my past hate for him. _Sandy paused to look at Pitch. _As I said before, I'm not helping you for him. I'm helping because I know you believe he's a worthwhile being, and I think that, if you believe he can be saved from the darkness inside him, then he just might._

Sandy smiled. _Tooth, you are the kindest person on this planet. I have never met anyone as selfless as you. Even when he hurt you and tried to make you disappear, you still chose to forgive him and now you've even kissed him. _He paused to give her a look. _I'm not sure that was wise, but it as your decision. You made it and all I can do now is support you. I'm not going to tell the others unless they ask me directly,_

"That's unlikely," Tooth said, wiping her eyes.

_Exactly. _Sandy wrote. _Now, I won't tell them unless they ask me directly, and I'll stay down here until he wakes up. Then I'm gone, and I don't want you to tell him anything about me helping him._

Tooth blinked. "Why?" she asked.

Sandy smiled._ Well, I have a reputation to uphold after all. Can't have Pitch knowing I helped save him. At least, not until I know for sure that he's worth you taking your time to save him._

Tooth smiled. "Deal," she said, sticking out her hand.

_Deal._ Sandy wrote, taking her hand and allowing a small amount of dreamsand to leak through his thumb and touch Tooth's skin, just enough to make her drowsy. _Now, you need to sleep._

"Wha- but Sandy!" Tooth said, then the power of the dreamsand overcame her and Sandy allowed her to slump forward into his arms. _Poor dear._ He thought. _She was already half asleep anyway._ Sandy used his dreamsand to float her to the closest room he could find and let her down softly on the bed. Of course it had black comforters and black sheets and Sandy almost wondered why Pitch would have a guest room, then he noticed the pile of junk to one side on the floor and he wrinkled his nose. Ugh! Pitch must've used this room as a junk-pile.

Sandy created a net of dreamsand and picked up the garbage, moldy pizza boxes and cloths and other nasties that Sandy didn't care to name, and flung it out of the room. Then he set about cleaning the room up, dusting spiderwebs and making it more hospitable. Once everything was decent and Tooth wouldn't be waking up in a cess-pit. He took his leave and headed back to Pitch on his couch.

_Hey Pitch._ Sandy said, sitting down and peeling off the bandages for a second to check the wound. It looked like the swelling was going down and only a little bit of puss had oozed out. Sandy used the washcloth to dab at it and then he put a clean bandage on it. _Still hanging on?_

Pitch didn't answer and Sandy smiled.

_Stay alive, old friend. _He thought, looking at Pitch's pale, sweaty face. _Tooth is quite taken with you. I can only hope you are the man she thinks you are, even after all this time. Otherwise, I wouldn't want to be you for all the sand in the oceans. _He knew Pitch couldn't hear him, but he could've sworn the specter twitched. _Huh. Must be a trick of the light._

Sandy sat there for a long time, waiting and watching. Nothing happened, save a centipede crawling over the back of Pitch's couch. Sandy sent a sprinkle of dream-sand at it and the thing fell off the couch, landing on it's back and beginning to dream of a lovely lady-centipede.

Sandy smirked and was about to check the wound again when he heard a noise, deep in the tunnel. Sandy jumped to his feet and summoned his dreamsand whips, wondering if it was another monster from the deeps of the tunnels.

_No, the noise is coming from the entrance of the caves, _he thought. The he heard something that sounded more like a human voice than anything.

"-ooth!" the voice called. Sandy blinked. Did it say _tooth_?

"Pitch, if you're down there," the voice of a young man called and Sandy felt his jaw drop as a familiar snowy head popped into view, followed by the blue-hoodied torso and the brown pants of Jack Frost. "I come in peace. I just read this really weird story and I just had a creepy feeling that it was-" Jack's voice cut off when he saw Sandy. "Sandy?"

Sandy forced his jaw back up and nodded.

"What are you- WHOA, _why_ is Pitch lying naked on a couch?" Jack asked, taking a step towards him. "What are you doing here? Where's Tooth? Why-" the boy's questions were promptly stymied by Sandy's well-aimed ball of dreamsand to the face and he instructed a web of sand to catch him before he hit the ground. It did and Sandy directed the sand to dump Jack into one of Pitch's reclinable armchairs. He sighed.

_Well this is going to be awkward when they all wake up. _He thought, striding back to Pitch to check that he was still completely asleep._ Maybe I can just ask Father Time to wipe their memories and safe us all some trouble._


	18. Abby Goes to the Movies & Tooth Freaks

**Hello ladies and gentlemen. I'm so glad you liked my last chapter and I know you guys must be panting with excitement about what's going to happen next. Well, it's going to be good, trust me. I'm the author.**

**Alright, I only have a few things to say before letting you read the rest of the chapter. Firstly, thank you so much for your support for this story and your reviews, kinds words and all the other things that make me write the next chapter to this story. I know updates have been really sudden, not like the last month, so I'm gonna try and slow down a bit. Every week should be my update date, though it might be shorted if I finish and I can't contain my excitement to see your awesome reviews, so I post it early. I know you'll all love that.**

**Next, I know all my friends, Star, Drago and Fanty, will love this chapter and I want to thank them so much for all of this. This story would never have been written without them and they deserve proper credit. Thanks guys.**

**Next, I know there have been a bunch of reviews from Foxglove asking questions and I'm sorry for not answering them doll, I just haven't had the space in the chapter, but I do in this one. Firstly, I have no idea if Pitch can swim, but the splashing in the past chapter might give you some clue. Secondly, No, I just made up that email address. Thirdly, Thank you so much for all these awesome reviews! I love them to the bottom of my ink-and-paper heart.**

**I'd also like to thank RizReviewer, Xion, Rose Silverpen- HEY HON! I FINALLY WATCHED MY FIRST EPISODE OF SHERLOCK! AREN'T YOU AND THAT-OTHER-FRIEND-OF-MINE-WHO-LIKES-SHERLOCK-THAT- I-CAN'T-REMEMBER-THE-NAME-OF PROUD OF ME?! -and all my other constants. Thanks to much you guys. **

**OK, here we go.**

* * *

Abby was happier than she'd been in a long time.

OK, scratch that. She wasn't _completely_ happy. There were still some kinks to be ironed out in her plan for the Guardians and Pitch Black to be united as friends for the first time ever, but hey, it was a difficult plan. No one had ever attempted it before and, for how hard it had been to begin in the first place, it was going rather smoothly. Pitch was still alive, two of the Guardians knew the whole story and were willing to help Pitch, and Fanty had remembered her favorite cherry cider on her way home from work.

Granted, she was super tired and hadn't slept in a week, which Pitch would chew her out for big time if he knew, but she knew it was worth it. She was nearing the end of her mission and soon everything would be right with the world of Rise of the Guardians. Pitch would be alive and well, the Guardians would forgive him and they would all live in peace. And she would be able to adopt one of the night-fairies that no doubt would result from Tooth and Pitch's relationship! Yay!

Abby sighed and zoomed in on the unconscious Pitch. Man, this guy had been through so much. It seriously hurt her to see him just lying there. She knew he was having no nightmares, thanks to Sandy, but he still jerked slightly in his sleep and Abby felt certain he was either remembering his old memories and he was in pain from them, or he was feeling the spider venom from the wound, which she'd ordered Sandman to check every half hour and he had obeyed without question.

"Thank you Sandy." she had said with relief. "For helping, I mean. I know this can't be easy-"

Sandy raised a hand to stop her. She stopped. He was writing something in dreamsand, which he knew was easier for her to read from their previous conversations with each other for the last five hours.

_Remember, _he wrote._ I'm not doing this for him. I'm doing this for Tooth._

"I know," Abby said into the mic that was propped up against her desk like a school announcer's. "Still, thank you Sandy."

Sandy shrugged and went back to playing a mid-air game of tic tac toe with himself.

Abby went back to checking her watch. It had been five and a half hours since Tooth had been knocked out and Jack had arrived on the scene. Both were still asleep and she had requested Jack stayed that way until Tooth woke up. Sandy had agreed and they had spent the last five hours making small talk about various things. Sandy asked about her life and she'd told him as much as she'd thought was safe.

"Well, I live far away from Burgess. You know I can't give you the exact address.."

_I do. Go on. _Sandy wrote, wringing out the rag to clean the wound again. The swelling had gone down and the skin was almost back to it's original color.

"I live on the west coast." Abby said. "In a fairly busy town by the sea. It's a beautiful spot and you can walk practically everywhere."

_What about family?_

Abby cringed. "Well, I have one sister." she said hesitantly. "She's a little twerp, but I love her. She doesn't believe in any of you and the rest of my family, IE: my mom, makes fun of me for what I do."

_And what is it you do? _Sandy asked politely._ You can't have a real job if you're only sixteen._

"Actually I _do_ have a real job. And I have an apartment in the same building as my best friend which I pay for myself, _and_ I have a car. It's a beat-up old junker and I'm trying to save up for a new one, but it gets me where I need to go."

_What's the job?_

"I help mind an old bookstore down the street. Stacking stuff, dealing with customers, dusting, keeping the shelves in order, that kind of thing. Pays really well too." Abby said happily. She did enjoy her job, and it gave her a chance to earn enough money for her new car, which she was close to.

_If you have a job, then how are you always online or talking to us?_

"I have a computer hooked up in the back and it only opened to my password." Abby replied. "Whatever video I access is transferred to a thumb drive and I take that with me back to my apartment."

_Really? _Sandy asked, surprised. _I kind of just always pictured you in your room, spying on us, he said honestly._

"Yeah." Abby said, slightly offended. "I mean, I'm not a hermit Sandy. I have friends too."

Sandy snickered. _Yeah, Drago Fanty and Star. I met them._

"Others too!" she defended herself. "I know plenty of hot guys and almost all of them are human."

Sandy raised an eyebrow.

"I wasn't talking about you, Sandy." Abby amended quickly. "You're too much of a teddy bear to be considered hot. Cute, maybe, but it's not the same thing."

_I'm about ten thousand years too old for you, my dear. _He wrote, smiling. Then the smile turned upside down in an indignant frown. A_nd I resent the term teddy-bear._

"Oh you so are," Abby teased. "Anyway, I've got friends. And a life. I mean, as much of a life as a homeschooled teenager can have."

_You're home-schooled?_

"Yeah. Hated public school. _Hated_ it!" Abby said. "All those old fogies telling you what to do, what not to do, shepherding you down the hall like you can't go five feet without asking for directions, and the stupid schedules! UGH! I am so glad to be rid of that place."

Sandy thought about her answer for a bit, then he asked, _Did you get into trouble at school?_

_"Did I?" _Abby said, laughing. "I'll say. I got kicked out for _unruly behavior_"

_What did you do?_ Sandy asked curiously.

Abby smiled. Was it so wrong that she was proud of this? "I gave my teacher the finger when she kicked me out of her class for whispering to my friend, who had missed the first half of the class, what was going on. I mean honestly, I was helping her, and I got kicked out for it! How stupid is that?"

Sandy raised both eyebrows. **_That's_**_ unruly behavior now?_ He asked, surprised.

"Oh yeah. Teachers demand respect and they expect to get it too. I think the only thing she deserved was a boot out the door and a well-placed pop in the nose."

Sandy smirked. _You have violent tendencies. _He wrote decisively.

Abby smiled and raised her hands up in the air. "Tell me something I don't know." She said, folding them behind her head and leaning back in her chair. "I swear Sandy, talking to you is nothing like talking to Pitch or any of the girls. I can get through five sentences without making a sarcastic remark! I haven't been able to do that before!"

Sandy just made a waving hands gesture like, _hey, I'm just that amazing._

After that, Abby started asking Sandy questions.

"Is your dreamsand really made out of Starstuff?"

Sandy shrugged. _I'm not sure what you mean by __**Starstuff**__. I used to be a star, before I became a Guardian, and the magical powder that allowed me to fly was transformed into dreamsand by the Man in the Moon, so technically it is made out of star__**dust**__. _

"Star stuff is the magical substance that falls to earth at random intervals and gives people the power to fly." Abby said matter of factly. "I read about it in Peter and the Starcatchers. It's also known as fairy dust."

Sandy laughed silently. _Don't let Tooth catch you talking about that stuff. She'll kill you._ He wrote, smiling.

"Why?" Abby asked, perplexed.

_Tooth seriously dislikes the misconception that all fairies make magical dust that allows you to fly. She says the only fairy dust her and her girls would make is dandruff._

Abby busted up laughing. "Oh gods, that's hilarious!" she choked, pounding her chest in an effort to clear her airway. "I'll make a note to- *cough!* tell Pitch about that."

_Sure you will. _Sandy wrote, smirking.

Abby was about to make a snappy reply when her room door opened and Fanty stumbled into the room with two obviously heavy brown paper bags of stuff. Her Calhoun haircut was sticking up in odd angles, probably because of the wind outside, her clothes were slightly disheveled and she had twin spots of pink on her face. She dumped the bags on Abby's bed and flopped down herself, sighing with relief.

"Ugh! I HATE shopping!" she exclaimed, stripping off her boots and throwing them into a corner. "Food, books, presents, clothes, it's all the same! Crazy crowds, waiting forever in a checkout line, driving around forever to get a parking space, then waiting for-freaking-EVER in traffic to get home! UGH!"

Abby stared at her friend. "Excuse the fudge out of you!" she said, trying not to laugh at her friend. "This is my room! Yours is next door!"

Fanty paid her no attention and took off her coat, a black hoodie with a skeleton's ribs and a red rose where the heart should be, flinging it in the same corner as her coat. "Ugh!" she groaned again. "Shopping. The curse among humani! Blah!"

Abby's right eye was twitching like crazy as she stomped over to her friend, who had her back to her, and sharply tapped her on the shoulder. "Cough, ahem! Sounds of annoyance!"

Fanty looked up. "Oh. Hi Abby." then she looked around. "Oops. Wrong room." she said, grinning sheepishly.

Abby folded her arms and gave her a withering look. Honestly, this was the fourth time _this month! _How hard was it to remember apartment number 2B?! "That's right, Fanty. Wrong room. Yours has been and, until you move out, will always be the one next door!" she sighed and rubbed her right temple with her hand. "Now, when you're done dealing with whatever you bought-" she stopped. Her eyes widened and, without warning, she literally _pounced_ on the bag on the right that was flopped over on her bed and she began to dig through it eagerly, like a dog on the trail of something.

"Hey!" Fanty protested, but her friend paid no heed.

"My precious!" Abby hissed in a very creditable imitation of Gollum. "Where is it? Where is it?"

Fanty scooted about a foot away from her crazed friend. "Um, Abs, you OK?"

Abby just continued digging through Fanty's new coats, sniffing and repeating, "My precious!"

Sandy, who was listening to the muffled words with a completely bewildered expression on his face, cracked a grin and went back to his tic tac toe game. Abby was definitely the strangest human he'd ever seen- er, heard.

"What the heck are you looking for?!" Fanty demanded.

Abby paused in her search and looked at her friend. Fanty shifted uncomfortably on the bed. "My precious." Abby said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Then she went back to looking.

"Is your precious a pair of sneakers?" Fanty inquired. "Because I'm fairly certain that's all you'd be interested in."

"Bah!" Abby said and continued looking. She found a pair of sneakers- black with purple stripes, a new shirt, a belt, three beanies, a pair of jeans and a bag of Doritos, but not what she was looking for. She had almost given up about a minute later, until she touched something familiarly hard at the bottom of the bag, underneath the second beanie. She let out a cry of triumph as her fingers gripped the spine of the book and she yanked, hard. The book came out and she held it aloft like a rare gem, crowing in victory. Then she turned to Fanty and gave her evil grin.

"AHA! I have found it! Thought you could sneak away without showing me the new purchase, _eh?_" she said in a weird accent that Fanty couldn't place. She was squinting like a half-blind pirate captain and Fanty laughed. Game over.

"Well, you can't blame a girl for trying." she said, shrugging. Inside, she was giddy with excitement. She couldn't wait to see Abby's reaction when she saw what book it was.

Abby bobbed her head proudly, smiled, and turned the book over to read the cover. Her eyes bugged out and her jaw dropped, then she let out the ultimate fangirl-scream. "OH MY GODS, YOU _DIDN'T_!" she squealed, hugging the book to her chest and squealing with glee. "YOU DID! YOU DID! YOU _DID_! YES! I LOVE YOU FANTY!"

"Finally." Fanty muttered, internally brimming with happiness.

Abby started dancing around the room, much like she had during the 'interview' with the Guardians. The book, which was now betting slightly squashed, was the last Guardians of Childhood book: Toothiana, Queen of the Tooth Fairy Armies. It was something Abby had wanted for so long, but hadn't been able to find. It had pissed her off to no end and now she HAD IT! This was the happiest day of her life!

For those of you who are wondering what the heck that Gollum routine Abby pulled, here's your answer: Abby and the girls had a really weird game going. This game consisted of buying a book every time one of them when shopping and seeing if Abby could find it. Abby had a super-human sense for books, in any format, you see. She could sniff out a book, by title- mind you, and follow its trail like a bloodhound. She'd once found a small paperback, one of the Septimus Heap books that Fanty claimed to have lost years ago, in the inside of her couch. How it had gotten there was anyone's guess.

Still, Abby enjoyed her 'super-power' immensely, and she used it to sniff out any books her friends had hidden in their rooms or brought with them. They bought the book, and if she found it within half an hour- this rule was, over the months, shortened to ten minutes because of Abby's scary speed, she would get to keep the book. Actually, Fanty planned on letting her keep it even if she hadn't found it because of how much she'd wanted it. It was the friend thing to do.

But it was still hilarious to watch Abby morph into a Gollum and hiss, "My precious!" searching for a book.

Fanty smiled as she watched Abby dancing around the room, squealing with joy. "I thought you might like that." she said, smiling.

"LIKE IT?!" Abby yelled, still dancing around the room. "I _LOVE_ IT!"

"Well, if you love that, then I think you'll really love the cherry cider I bought for you on my way home." Fanty said slyly.

Abby froze in mid-dance, then she let out another ear-piercing squeal and ran over to Fanty, almost knocking the wind out of her as she flung her arms around her friend's neck and squeezed like a Burmese python. "Thank you thank you thank you!"

"Better get it into the fridge before it gets too warm." was Fanty's only reply. In truth, she was used to this kind of thing, having lived side-by-side with Abby for almost a year. Every time Abby got a present from one of them, she got really excited and it was nearly impossible to calm her down until she chose to calm down. Fanty smiled. Abby was a very giving person and Fanty tried to repay her kindness whenever she could, normally in the form of a book. There wasn't a thing on this earth, besides her friends and her computer and Pitch Black, that she loved more.

The shelves in Abby's room were all covered with books and they were even piled in corners and stacked on her bedside table. Fanty made a mental note to pick up more shelves when she went to the hardware store next week. In this respect, helping Abby remember trivial things like shelves and food, she was definitely a mother as much as she was her best friend. It was actually really lucky for Abby that she did have Fanty, otherwise she would probably forget to do everything besides write and go to work, including going grocery shopping.

"Oh Fanty, thank you so much!" Abby said, disentangling herself from her best friend and running over to the small fridge she kept in the closet. Don't ask why.

"I know. I know." Fanty said, smiling and standing up. "You couldn't live without me."

"No shit!" Abby said, laughing and opening the fridge door. "Do you want anything? I have. . . ah. . . water."

Fanty frowned. "You forget to go shopping again?" she demanded, striding over to the closet/fridge and gently pushing her protesting friend aside. "I swear Abby, between your job and this Fanfiction stuff, you work hard enough for six chicks." Indeed the fridge was bare, save a small portion of butter and a yogurt that, when she checked the date, was supposed to have been thrown out a month ago.

"Um, yeah." Abby said, lowering her head. "I meant to, I really did, but I had to stay at the monitor to make sure Pitch was going to be alright!"

Fanty sighed. "Abby," she said, putting both hands on her best friend's shoulders. "he has Tooth, Sandy, and soon he'll have Jack watching over him. You need to get out, get some food, go to a movie or something, just get out of this room and stop worrying about him."

"I can't help it!" Abby shouted, shaking off Fanty and turning to look back to the screen where Sandy was trying not to eavesdrop, but the girls were so _loud_! And, unfortunately, his hearing was excellent. "I keep feeling responsible. I was the one who decided that Pitch needed to have a hero moment and save Tooth. If I hadn't led her in the wrong direction, then Pitch wouldn't have had to go down there in the first place and he wouldn't have gotten hurt and he wouldn't be in a coma right now because of the stupid-"

"Shush." Fanty said, interrupting her friend by putting a finger on her lips.

Abby blinked. "But-"

"No."

"I-"

"Zip."

"It's-"

"Nil."

"I've-"

"Nein."

"But-"

"Nyet."

"I-"

"WILL YOU SHUT UP A MINUTE SO THAT CAN TELL YOU THAT IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT?!" Fanty exploded, grabbing her friend by her shoulders and shaking her none-too-gently. "Repeat after me: It is not your fault! It is _not_ your _fault_!"

Abby stopped her babbling and stared at her feet. "It isn't my fault." she muttered.

"I can't heeeeear yooooou." Fanty prompted, using the creepy Joker accent from _Batman Beyond, Return of the Joker._

"It isn't my fault." Abby said, a little bit louder. She was still looking at the floor.

"Once more with feeling!" Fanty shouted, raising her arms dramatically.

"It isn't my fault!" Abby shouted back, finally looking at her friend. Her eyes were a little teary, but she looked no worse for wear and she had a small grin on her face.

"That's right." Fanty said, reaching out and pulling her friend into a hug. "It's _not._"

Suddenly they heard a loud banging coming from beneath their feet and pulled apart, looking down.

"SHUT UP!" yelled the neighbor downstairs,

"BLAH!" the girls yelled together, sticking their tongues out at the floor. The pounding stopped.

They both looked up and simultaneously burst into giggles.

After about five minutes, they dried their eyes and Fanty gave Abby a real hug. It was strong and gentle, like the hug you give an annoying sibling that you love anyway.

Abby gratefully accepted the hug and nodded over Fanty's shoulder. "I guess you're right-"

"_Guess_ nothing!" Fanty said firmly, pulling away and holding her friend at arm's length. "I _am_ right. Guilt never really helped anybody."

"Pinocchio turned into a real boy when his father cried over him." Abby objected.

"Oh _Abby_!" Fanty said exasperatedly, pulling her friend into another hug. Both girls were smiling.

After a while, Fanty released her and went back to her bags on Abby's bed. "OK. Well, I'm going to get this all put away, then we're going out."

Abby, who had sat down at her computer desk to check everything was doing fine, turned around and frowned at her friend. "Eh?"

"I said you had to get out, didn't I?" Fanty said, smiling and filling her bags again, then picking them up and heading for the door. "Just run a brush through your hair, grab a coat and shoes and meet me in my room."

"But I can't-" Abby protested.

"Do you _really_ want to argue?" Fanty asked, swiveling around to give her friend the _just don't_ look. It was the look all mothers gave their kids when they were about to argue about something that was just pointless to argue about.

Abby deflated a little. "OK, OK," she said, not even bothering to object. She knew that look, and she knew that, if she did argue, it would just circle back to the argument before. "So, where are we going?"

"Grab your glasses." was Fanty's only response as she slid through the door and closed it behind her.

"Hey! Where are we going?!" Abby shouted at the closed door. Fanty's only response was to tap _glasses_ in Morse code- which they had all learned from reading the Mysterious Benedict Society.

Abby sighed and rolled her eyes skyward. "What would I do without her?" she asked the ceiling.

Sandy, who had listened to the whole conversation with rapt attention while still trying to maintain uninterested, looked up from checking Pitch's wound and wrote in dreamsand, _It's OK Abby, I'll keep an eye on them and, when Tooth and Jack wake up, I'll explain everything._

Abby looked down and, seeing Sandy's message, broke into a smile. "Thanks Sandy. I appreciate this immensely." then she frowned. "Are you sure you've got everything?"

_YES! Go have fun! You deserve it! _Sandy made a shooing motion and Abby's frown faded. "Thank you Sandy." she said softly. "Take care of Pitch for me, OK?"

Sandy nodded. _I will. Now, go have fun._

Abby thanked him one more time, then she stood up and shed the fuzzy black candy pajama bottoms and opted for a pair of clean jeans in the closet beside her fridge. For a shirt, she chose a black T with a beautiful skull design that Star had bought for her a few months ago. It had leaves and a white tree twisted in the form of a grinning skull. There were tiny stars and undignified shapes that made up the rest of the skull and, if you looked closely, you could see a woman's face smiling in the corner and two tiny pinpricks of golden light in the eye sockets.

After getting dressed and making sure she had everything a normal teen carried in her purse- hand-mirror, hair brush, pepper spray, lock pick, screw drivers, switchblade, eye liner and thumb drive, she was ready to go. The pulled her key off the key ring lopped to the pocket of her jeans, made sure for the final time that Sandy was OK with her leaving, and grabbed her new copy of _Toothiana_ for luck, slipping it into her purse. She always carried a book with her, in case she got bored. It was handy, especially when she didn't know where she was going.

Abby shut the door gently behind her and turned to Fanty's door. It was half-open and, when she stepped inside, she could see Fanty on her computer, scrolling through a list of something.

"Wolverine, Pacific Rim, or The Smurfs 2?" she asked without turning around.

Abby blinked. "Eh?"

Fanty beckoned her closer and Abby crossed the slightly cluttered room. For some weird and frankly bizarre reason, Fanty had designed her room to look like Asgard.

Now I'm not talking gold thrones and rainbow bridges here- well, the bridge part yeah, but remember, she was in a twelve by twenty foot room with a closet. Not enough room for a throne.

Anyway, when she'd first moved in, Fanty's room had been an absolute crap pile. The landlord had been willing to tear this room down and build a different one altogether, when Fanty had shown up and proposed a deal. If she fixed the room up, at no expense to the landlord, she could do with it what she would and, as long as she paid her rent, she could stay there. The landlord had agreed, so she'd gotten together a rag-tag group of friends and tenants, including Abby, Star and Fanty, to help her and by the end of three weeks the room was clean and ship-shape.

When the room was ready for her to move in, the girls asked her what kind of theme she wanted for her room. Star had a milky-way/galaxy-type thing going with plastic stars glued to her ceiling and three lava lamps in various positions around the room, as well as a string of black lights around the line where ceiling met wall. Drago had a deserty set up in her room with cactus plants- which the others suspected were fake because they never bloomed or grew, and orangy paint on the wall.

Fanty had thought about it for a few minutes, then she'd shouted "ASGARD!" nearly blowing Drago's- who was standing next to her, ears out.

And so the great painting had begun. Fanty had a golden arc painted up over her bed and a rainbow bridge with clouds and a glimmering castle on the widest wall. The rest of the walls were painted gold and the ceiling was painted a deep blue, with a milky full moon that Abby always thought was smiling at her and all the constellations, which were accurate constellations, according to Star. She'd spent the night before drawing them out on paper so that Fanty could have the almost real experience when she looked up at her ceiling.

"They've got Pacific Rim at three, the Wolverine at four thirty and the Smurfs 2 at five." Fanty said and when she drew up beside her friend Abb saw that she was on .

"FAN...DAN..._GOOOOOO_!" she and Fanty yelled at the same time, making fun of the dancer/wussie wrestler by that name. Then they both giggled.

"Anything else playing?" Abby asked, knowing why Fanty told her to bring her glasses now. She couldn't see the screen without her glasses. All she could see would be a big blur.

"Well, there's Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters playing at midnight-"

"Saw it." Abby said gruffly.

Fanty blinked. "You didn't like it?" she asked, turning to look at her friend.

Abby's expression grew thundery. "They did a fair/OK/meh/_crap_ kind of job," she muttered. "Tyson could have been more awesome."

Fanty sighed. Abby had a thing about Greek gods and myths. She loved the Rick Riordan books to death and she'd been really excited when the first movie had come out, but apparently the movie hadn't been that good because she'd stomped out of the theater after the movie was over, raging like a minotaur. Fanty had been watching Oz the Great and Powerful at the time, so she didn't know why Abby was so pissed.

"They didn't do anything like that!" she had raged in Fanty's car as they drove back to the apartment building. "Percy is supposed to be an eleven-year-old, Annabeth is supposed to be blonde, and they didn't even show Clarisse! UGH! Lame!"

Fanty had listened to her friend's complains politely, then she'd gone to see the movie herself the next week. Alone. By the time it was over, she was almost as angry as Abby. "My big UGH was that Hades was supposed to be cool-looking. Instead they got a freaking Nicholas Cage lookalike to play him. Who was that guy, anyway?" Fanty asked when she got back to the apartment.

"Mc Jagger." Abby replied.

"You goof."

Back in her apartment, Fanty scrolled down farther. "Epic?" she asked.

"I just told you, I hated the Sea of Monsters."

"No you boob, Epic! The movie. You bugged me about it for a month."

"Oh. Yeah, that'd be cool." Abby said, not sounding too interested.

"Abby," Fanty said sternly without turning around. "Quit beating yourself up over Pitch and pick a movie. You're going on my dime, so I want you to enjoy yourself!"

Abby sighed. Fanty was right. She was being a party-pooper. "OK, what about Pacific Rim?" she said, trying to sound cheery. "I wanna see Godzilla get beat up by a robot."

"Pacific Rim it is." Fanty said. "The next showing is at three, so we'll be just in time if we leave now."

"Great!"

Fanty logged off and followed Abby to the door. "Seriously Abs," she said, putting her arm around her down friend. "Cheer up. It's a nice day, I'll buy pop corn, and we're gonna get to see Godzilla get beat up by a giant robot! How great is that?"

Abby smiled. "OK," she agreed. "I'll cut it out."

"Good." Fanty said, unhooking her arm. "So, your car or mine?"

"Uh, yours." Abby said, shifting slightly as they walked down the stairs. "I kind of forgot to buy gas."

"Abby!"

XXXXXXXXXXX

After the girls left, Sandy checked on Pitch's wound once again. The swelling had completely disappeared and there was only a long, pink gash where the purifying wound had been a few hours ago.

_Pitch really owes Baby Tooth now, _he thought as he wiped the wound gently with a different cloth. The first one was too dirty now to use. _If it hadn't been for her, he'd be writhing in pain right about now._

Pitch hadn't actually moved in a good long while and Sandy pressed his hand gently against the Nightmare King;s mouth to check if he was still breathing. He was. Sandy let his hand drop and, after applying a fresh bandage to Pitch's back, sat back on his stool, surveying the Nightmare King.

He was still laying on his stomach and he looked a bit paler than he had the last time Sandy had seen him, but he still had the same face, the same hair, and the same huge old nose that Sandy had teased him so much about back when they'd been friends. He was on his back, so Sandy couldn't see the frucking amazing six-pack Tooth had seen, but he could see the man's ribs poking out through the flesh. Pitch had obviously been weakened and now he looked positively skeletal. Sandy frowned.

Had they gone too far in shutting him up in the cave? Was Tooth right after all? Could the Boogeyman, with the right influence, be turned towards the side of good?

Sandy had no idea. He wanted to believe it and when he thought about the old days, before the others had come, he _did_ believe it. Then he remembered Pitch mercilessly killing his own wife and trying to kill him. His gaze hardened. Pitch would never be able to atone for that.

_It wasn't Pitch!_ A tiny voice that sounded like Tooth's said unbidden in the back of his mind. _Remember, it wasn't the man you knew. The man you knew was Kozmotis Pitchner, the Guardian of Courage. The first Guardian. Pitch Black is the creature created from the Fearlings and monsters. He doesn't even remember who he was, so stop judging him and try to help him! _Now the voice was beginning to sound like Abby.

Sandy clenched his fists. It was true! He was a different man- being, whatever, and he didn't remember any of that. All he remembered was the fear and the monsters in side of him. And what had they done? They'd beaten him into submission and left him to fester in anger. They had been the ones who had created the monster, not the Fearlings! He had had the potential for good, all beings did, but they had crushed that potential and- no, _he_ had crushed that potential, and left Pitch a broken mass of anger and hate.

Sandy let his chin drop down onto his chest. It was so hard to get things straight in his mind. Pitch, the Guardians, Abby, all of it was giving him a headache he didn't want or need and he sat there for about half an hour, not thinking about anything. Just sitting there with his head down, waiting.

Eventually, when he felt better, he raised his head and looked at Pitch's surprisingly gentle face. He was dreaming about something happy, Sandy could tell. He wondered if it was his daughter. Even though Kozmotis's memories were trapped beneath layers of darkness, he knew that dreams could trigger memories more easily than anything else and that meant Pitch was probably having a dream about his past life, but he didn't know it.

Sandy sighed and wondered if he could just let bygones be bygones. After all, Pitch didn't remember killing his wife and battling his daughter while she transformed into Mother Nature. He would remember trying to kill Sandy, but that was only because he had recently tried to do just that. He wouldn't remember the friendship they'd had, or the good memories. It had been so long ago that Sandy wasn't sure if he could regain his memories from that time. He made a mental note to ask Tooth about it later.

The aforementioned Tooth was, in a few rooms away, currently snuggling into a certain Boogeyman's sheets. And she was comfortable. Oh, she was _so_ comfortable. More comfortable than she'd been in a long time, and though her eyes longed to open she resisted the pull and tried to drift back to sleep.

Sandy could feel her waking and decided to give her a little nudge. Things needed to get rolling and, if Pitch was getting better this quickly, he needed to get out of here before he woke up. Before he did that, however, he needed to explain to Jack about Pitch and try to get him to keep the secret. He wasn't going to leave Tooth to deal with both Jack and Pitch on her own, so he put a little more power onto Pitch's dream, a little more power onto Jack's- which was an adorable dream about him and the Burgess kids playing hide and seek around the North Pole -and allowed Tooth to slowly wake up.

XXXXXXXXXXX

When Tooth opened her eyes, she was staring into a black pillow and the corner of a black silk sheet. She could feel the rest of the silk wrapped around her like a cocoon and the comfortable bed beneath her. Funny. She never remembered having black blankets on her bet, much less silk. She dismissed it as the lack of light and her foggy head from just waking up. She yawned and licked her lips, then she turned over onto her stomach and arched her back slightly.

She heard a satisfying pop, then she turned onto her right side and nuzzled her face into the pillow again, closing her eyes. What a refreshing nap. She hadn't had one like that in over a hundred years! Tooth yawned again. _Well, it was a rather good nap, _she thought, snuggling deeper into the cocoon. _So maybe I can make it last a little while longer_. She tried to fall back asleep, she really did. The pillow was definitely soft enough and the blankets made her feel like she was sleeping on a cloud, but her mind refused to shut down and go back to sleep.

Eventually she gave up, yawned a third time, and re-opened her eyes. The ceiling before her was black rock and she frowned. _I thought my ceiling at home was made of glass, _she thought, sitting up slowly. Her body felt seriously weak and she had a slight dizzy spell when she sat up. Tooth held her head in her hands for a few seconds, then she looked up. Immediately she realized that this wasn't her room. Where her bedroom was bright and colorful, this room was dark and covered in the same blackness.

She pushed the blankets and silken sheets off of herself and swung her legs out of the bed. Her feet touched cold stone floor and the shock woke her up completely. She warm, gently safe feeling one gets just after waking up from a good sleep was still there, but now she was more alert. Tooth yawned a fourth time and stood gently. She could barely make out anything in the room. Everything was completely pitch black.

Tooth froze as she tried to make her way to an area ahead of her that she thought might be a door. Pitch Black. She remembered this room now. It was _his_ room! _His_ bed!

"Oh dear moon," she whispered, her eyes bugging out. She whirled around and stared at the bed in horror. "What did I _do_ last night?!" A thought came into her mind and she clapped her hands over her mouth. "_Who_ did I do?!"

Tooth started hyperventilating. The thought of- no, she couldn't think it. It was too horrifying. And yet. . .

"I woke up _in his bed!_" she practically shrieked, trying not to faint. It was hard. "That means something _had_ to have happened last night!"

Now, if Tooth had taken a moment to think her situation through, she would've realized that Pitch was unable to do the thing she had in mind, unconscious as he was, and then she would've remembered Sandy knocking her out and probably would've killed him for choosing Pitch's bedroom to put her in, but she didn't. Waking up in the bed of someone you're supposed to hate will do that to you and now all she could think of was what might've happened and where he was.

"Pitch?" she called out, raising her wings and flying over to the bed to poke the side she hadn't woken up on. No one was there.

"Pitch?" She called again, slightly louder. No answer. Had he just _left_ her there?

"What a gentleman." she muttered, turning around and making for the lighter area of rock that might be a door. "Pitch! If you're there, answer me! What the hell _happened_ last night?!" her voice carried through the opening of the room and out into the tunnel, echoing creepily.

Tooth roller her eyes and headed off down the short tunnel that led to the living room. "PITCH!" she called. "Hello? ANYBODY?"

She turned the corner and was met with a frowning Sandman with his finger on his lips.

"Wha! Sandy!" Tooth exclaimed, flying back a few feet. Then shock was replaced by confusion and a little bit of indignation. "What the heck are you doing here?" she demanded, worried for a moment that he'd seen her and Pitch and had pulled him out of the bed, beaten him up, and left her there.

Sandy pushed his finger to his lips glared at her.

"Why do I have to be quiet?" Tooth asked, forgetting her conspiracy theories/TV drama thoughts for a moment. "And what are you doing here anyway?"

Sandy beckoned her forward and Tooth followed him into the room. There were multiple tunnel openings scattered across the room and Tooth remembered that this was Pitch's living room. The kitchen was behind them and straight ahead was a couch. On it was the unconscious Nightmare King.

Tooth bristled. Great. Here was more proof that Sandy had seen them and had reacted like a family member would. Not that Tooth was remorseful. Oh no, right now and wanted to fly over there and beat the crap out of him, then order him to explain _what on earth_ they had been doing and she no doubt would have too, if Sandy hadn't grabbed her by the arm and made a frownyface in golden dreamsand, then a question mark. Why so serious?

Tooth stopped and looked down at the man's hand on her shoulder, then she looked up and saw the question. She reluctantly slowed her wing beats and then cast a poisonous look in Pitch's direction. "I just woke up in that man's _bed_!" she hissed at Sandy, giving Pitch a death-glare. "I don't know what happened last night or why the heck you're here Sandy, but I plan on waking that man up right now and telling him to explain himself! I woke up in his _bed_, for moon's sake!" she was seething mad now and she couldn't help the fiery tone that crept into her voice.

Sandy looked at her, then he turned to look at Pitch with a completely baffled expression on his face. He made a question mark and Tooth, mistaking it for a _how, _launched into a rant that was half-explanation half-angry outburst.

"I don't know how it happened either!" she exclaimed, throwing up her hands and bobbing up and down with agitation. "I just woke up in the bed and found the covers wrapped around me and-" Her wings were beginning to beat faster and faster with irritation and Sandy stepped back about half a foot. Then she let out a dejected sigh and held her stomach. "I just hope to the moon that I didn't do anything I'm going to regret now!" she said.

Sandy's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. He pointed to her stomach with his mouth open in shock, then to Pitch, then made a bunch of question marks, then a few Z's. He frowned and a pair of golden earths popped up above his head, then a small image of Jack with Pitch and Tooth standing beside him, then a baby rattle and a whirl of other symbols Tooth couldn't identify. It was clear he was wondering what the hell was going on. Had he fallen into an alternate reality where Pitch and Tooth were together and Jack was their kid? No, that made absolutely no sense at all. Well then what-

And then Sandy had a light bulb moment. Literally. A small golden light bulb flashed above his head and understanding flashed across his face, which was quickly obscured when he opened his mouth and started silently busting up laughing. Oh dear Moon, Tooth was just being her normal overreacting self! She woke up in Pitch's bed and automatically thinks- he momentarily made a nasty face, then he started laughing again. The idea was just so preposterous! It was just mindless conspiracy theorizing! Funny mindless conspiracy theorizing thought.

Tooth stared, gobsmacked. Then she pulled herself together and glared at him. "This isn't funny Sandy!" she yelled.

Sandy stopped laughing long enough to tell her to shush, then he cracked a grin and the silent Guardians started doubling up with laughter.

Tooth felt like she was about to explode. Sandy, the Guardian she expected to understand her about _everything_, was laughing his head off and turning head over heels in the air with mirth. She clenched her fists and hissed his name, but he ignored her, continuing to laugh and roll head over heels in midair, clutching his chest. "Sandy!" she yelled, giving him the most evil eye she could muster.

Sandy waved his hand and motioned for her to shush, but she could care less about Pitch having a restful sleep.

"SANDERSON MANSNOOZIE!" she yelled sharply, causing him to stop his laughing fit and throw a pair of dreamsand balls in Pitch's direction. One for Jack, who was laying in a black recliner behind the couch to keep him asleep, and one for Pitch. "This is no laughing matter!"

Sandy's eyebrows nearly drifted off of his face and he wrote,_ I_ _beg to differ._

Tooth nearly grabbed him by the front of his onezie and told him to explain himself right then and there, but she tried to contain her anger. _Breathe,_ she told herself. _Breathe._

"OK," she said when her fists weren't clenched and she didn't feel like she wanted to throw sand-masters through windows anymore. "Sandy, explain to me what the hell _happened_, and then tell me why the hell you would consider my situation _funny._" her voice was soft, but edged with steel. If she didn't get a satisfactory answer, heads were going to roll.

Sandy coughed lightly and stopped laughing. She was right. To her, it probably wasn't very funny.

He looked at Pitch's unconscious form, then at Tooth again. _Toothy, _he wrote slowly._ You need to calm down. _Seeing her withering expression, he quickly continued._ I was the one who set you down in Pitchs room, remember? You needed to rest and I put you to sleep, then I left you in the closest room I could find. _He paused to smiled apologetically. _I had no idea it was Pitch's room, _he admitted. _And had I known it was, I wouldn't have done it. I didn't mean for you to freak out, and you certainly haven't done anything with Pitch._

Tooth's relief at this revelation was so evident that Sandy almost laughed again. "So, wait," Tooth began, frowning slightly. "You were the one who put me to sleep. Then I was put in Pitch's room and... nothing else happened?" she asked uncertainly.

Sandy nodded. _You just freaked out, Tooth. _He wrote. _Happens to all of us. Though your reaction was quite hilarious. _He cracked a grin and Tooth huffed.

"It's _not_ that funny, Sandy." she snapped. "How would you feel if you woke up in that situation?"

Sandy gave her a smarmy wink and made a heart with an X through it. _Not my style, sweetheart._

Tooth felt herself blush. "I know _THAT!"_ she said, slightly mollified. "But really, if you woke up in the bed of your most hated _female_ enemy-"

_I don't have any female enemies._

"Sandy!" Tooth said exasperatedly.

_OK OK, I get what you're saying. And it was kind of mean for me to laugh._ Sandy wrote quickly. He didn't want to be on the receiving end of one of those death-glares anymore. _I apologize._

Tooth muttered her thanks and turned to look at Pitch. He was still lying on his stomach and she could see his face turned towards her. He looked sad. She fluttered over to him and knelt beside his head, cupping his chin in her hand and looking at him intently. His face was a pale shade of gray and she could see sweat slicking his brow just below his hairline. "Has the wound changed?" she asked Sandy.

Sandy nodded and pointed to the bandage on Pitch's back.

Tooth took it off and was overjoyed to see the wound had almost completely healed. "Oh, this is wonderful!" she whispered excitedly, forgetting her anger at the Boogeyman momentarily. "When will he wake up?"

Sandy shrugged, then he pointed to the black recliner behind the couch. Tooth peered over the back of the couch and gasped.

"Jack?! What the hell is _he_ doing here?!" she demanded, turning back to Sandy. Sandy quickly summarized Jack's surprise entry and knocking him out. Then he added Abby's instructions not to let him awake until she, Tooth, had woken up.

"OK," Tooth said, staring from Pitch to Jack. "So, now that I'm awake, what do we do?"

Sandy shrugged and asked if she were OK.

Tooth nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine right now. I'll admit, this is probably gonna stay with me for the rest of my life," she said, grinning. "but I think I can deal for now."

Sandy shrugged. _Well, if you're sure._

"I am."

_You wanna wake him?_

"Uh, no." she said, cracking another small smile. "You can do that, then I'll explain about all this. Actually, I want to know why he came here in the first place."

_Ditto._ Sandy wrote, then he took a small leap and flew over the couch and landed right beside Jack.

Tooth followed suite and, as she passed over Pitch, she was with a twinge of guilt that his ribs looked a bit more protrusive than they had when she'd last seen them. If his wound was doing this good, then maybe they could turn him over so that he could breathe properly. _And I can see that amazing six-pack again! _Tooth thought before she could stop herself. She winced. _Girl, get it together! _she told herself. _One kiss doesn't mean you're bonded for life!_

Yet a still, small voice in the back of her head told her otherwise. _Honey, face it, you like him and he likes you. Just go with it and pray that the Guardians approve. _It said, sounding a lot like Abby.

"Yeah right." she muttered.

Sandy turned to give her a questioning look. His hand was hovering just over Jack's shoulder, ready to lightly tap him awake.

"I'm fine, Sandy. I was just muttering to myself." she said, blushing slightly. "Go ahead."

Sandy gave her an uncertain look, then he shrugged and turned to Jack. The tap was on Jack's right shoulder and it had quite an amusing effect on the winter spirit. First he yelped something unintelligible, then he sat bolt-upright, his eyes flew open and he reached for the staff that Sandy had wisely taken and set on the other end of the room.

"WHA-SANDYDON'T!" he yelled, rather shrilly, and raised his hands like he had his staff in them. Then he looked down and realized that he, in fact, did _not_ have his staff and he looked wildly around, searching for it. Before he could get very far, however, he noticed Sandy smiling at him and Tooth hovering next to him. "Sandy, Tooth! What's going on? Where's my staff?!" he asked, looking every which way for the familiar piece of wood.

He'd _never_ let his staff out of his sight, not once! Well, not voluntarily at least, and he was starting to freak out because he didn't know where it was now. For that matter, where was he? And why were Sandy and Tooth there?

Sandy put a gentle hand on the winter-boy's_ s_houlder and tried to calm him down. _Chill, kid. It's OK. You're safe._

"My staff!" Jack all but begged, jumping up out of the chair- when had he sat down in a chair? -and trying to walk around, but Sandy stopped him with a firm hand on his shoulder.

_Tooth is going to get your staff right now, OK Jack? Relax._ Sandy made an arrow over his head, pointing in the direction of Jack's staff and Tooth nodded, taking flight. She flew across the room, passing over Pitch again and Sandy's stool, to land near the kitchen where Jack's staff was. The staff was taller that her and surprisingly heavy so she had to lug it all the way across the room and had to walk around the couch because it was too heavy to fly with.

As she passed Pitch she could've sworn his mouth moved and a word formed, but when she handed Jack the staff and fluttered back over to check, his mouth was in the same position it had been the last time she'd seen it, half open and in a slight frown. She knelt by him again and out her hand on his forehead. It was still slick and when she leaned in, she saw that the frown had disappeared and had been replaced by a small smile. She blinked, then she pulled her hand away. The frown was back, more pronounced this time.

"Oh, well that's just great." she muttered, putting her hand back on his forehead. Every time she took it away, he frowned and she felt guilty.

Across the couch, Sandy was trying hard not to smirk as Jack cuddled his staff like a baby, rubbing his hand along the wood gently.

_Jack, I need to talk to you. _He wrote, patting the boy on his shoulder.

"Huh? Oh, hey Sandy." Jack said, looking up and smiling sheepishly. "Heh heh. Sorry. After that stunt in Antarctica I kinda freak out when I don't have my staff."

Sandy nodded. _I understand. Now Jack, you need to listen to me very carefully._

"OK Sandy." Jack said, perching himself on the back of the chair. He let his eyes wander for a second. Whatever room they were in wasn't anywhere in the North Pole. It wasn't the Tooth palace either. "Where are we?" he asked, looking down at Sandy.

Sandy sighed. _We're in Pitch's caverns. _he wrote.

Jack's eyes widened and he gripped his staff. "What? Why are we here? Did Pitch kidnap you guys?"

_ No. Jack, I need for you to remember what happened last night, before I put you to sleep. We, me and Tooth, were already here. Then you came and, rather than having a big long conversation then, I decided to knock you out._

Jack looked confused, as if he was puzzling it all out and remembering it all, then an look of indignation grew on his face as he recalled the previous night's activity. He'd been called to Jamie's house, read some stupid story chapter and then- "NOW I remember!" he said loudly, frowning at the little man. "Why couldn't I remember before?"

Sandy shrugged. _Maybe a little memory-wiping sand made it's way into your dream and you forgot for a bit. The same thing happened to Tooth._

Jack frowned again. "Tooth?" then he remembered reading something about Tooth in that story and his eyes widened. "Is she here? Where is she?"

"I'm right here Jackson. Relax." Tooth said, rising up from her knelt position beside Pitch and up to hover beside Jack.

"Whoa! Tooth, what are you doing here?" Jack asked, scrambling away from the suddenly-appearing Tooth Fairy. "That reminds me, what are any of us doing here?"

Tooth sighed. "Jack, calm down." she said. "There's a lot we need to tell you and a couple of things we need to know from you."

"Like what?" Jack asked.

"Well, for starters, why did you come down here in the first place?" Tooth asked.

Jack thought. "Well, Jamie called me to his house last night and told me that I had to read this really interesting chapter to a story he'd found-"

Tooth blanched. "Oh no, don't tell me it was-"

"I have no idea what story it was." Jack said honestly. "The title was blurred. Anyway, it's kind of hazy right now, but I remember reading something about you and Sandy in Pitch's caves and I wondered if it was true, so I decided to come down here to take a look." here he shot Sandy a look. "then Mr. Mansnoozie decided, instead of telling me what the hell was going on here, to knock me out and not tell me a thing!"

Tooth smirked.

Sandy raised his hands in defense. _Hey! I didn't want to explain all this crap alone! He wrote. I figured Tooth should have the honor of explaining at least half. And then Abby told me to wait until Tooth woke up to wake you up and explain and then Tooth woke up and had her little TV drama-moment when she woke up in Pitch's bed and-_

"SANDY!" Tooth's face was fiery red and her eyes burned.

"SHE WHAT?!" Jack yelped at the same time, turning to Tooth with a look of utter horror on his face.

"It wasn't like that!" Tooth objected. "Sandy knocked me out too and put me in the closest room he could find, which ended up being Pitch's bedroom and I-" she stopped, looking down at her feet. "I freaked out." she muttered.

"You what?"

"I FREAKED OUT OK!" Tooth yelled, snapping her head up. Instead of furious red her face was now bright pink with embarrassment.

Jack's eyes were wide and he was about to ask something else when they all heard a moan behind them. Sandy and Jack both frowned and turned their heads, wondering what the heck that noise was but Tooth whirled around and flew backwards until she was right beside Pitch again. Then she dropped to her knees and put her hand on his forehead. He was waking up. She could see his eyes flickering behind his eyelids and she raised her head. "Sandy!" she hissed. "Dream sand, now!"

Sandy nodded and poured a trickle over the sleeping Pitch's head. His face, which had scrunched up in what Tooth assumed was pain or irritation, relaxed and a small smile grew on his face again.

Jack, who hadn't been able to see the Nightmare King from his perch on the back of the chair, peeked over the back of the couch and nearly toppled over in shock when he saw Pitch laying on his stomach and Tooth humming gently and stroking his forehead like a mother cooing to her sleepy child.

"Tooth," he hissed, flying over the end of the couch and coming to stand beside her. "What the heck are you doing? Why is Pitch laying naked-"

"_Half-_naked." Tooth corrected. "He still has his pants on. And keep your voice down. I don't want him waking up just yet."

"Why does he have any of his clothes off _at all?!_" Jack asked, staring at the unconscious Nightmare King with a look of revulsion on his face.

"Jack, Pitch was severely injured while trying to help me." Tooth replied calmly, running her hand over his spiky black hair gently. "He took a swipe from a giant poisonous spider and that wound, which is on his back, pussed and had to be cleaned, so I stayed down here and sent Baby Tooth to the Pole to get medicine and Sandy spotted her, then he followed her down here and I had to explain to him why I was down here." she paused, moving her gaze from the relaxed Nightmare King to the wide-eyed Jack Frost.

"But- but how-" Jack stammered, then he lowered his voice to a whisper when Tooth glared at him. "Why would he do something like that?" he asked in a low voice.

Tooth smiled. "Because he's not the evil man we used to think he was. Something has happened to him. He's changing." she said, continuing to stroke his hair. It had turned from the rock-hard gelled substance that it had been before to a limp and faintly slimy substance and she felt the urge to wash it for him. Then she shook her head slowly. No, he could do that when he was awake again.

Jack, who was really creeped out by Tooth's actions- the humming, the stroking, frowned and said, "But why? I mean, why would he risk his life to save you? That doesn't sound like the Boogeyman I know."

Tooth smiled again. "that's because he's not the Boogeyman you knew. He's changing back into the being he used to be and I believe that, with our help, he can turn back into the Guardian he was."

Jack's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "Wait, you mean he-"

"Yes." Tooth said sadly. "I wasn't around then of course, but Sandy told me about it centuries later. Pitch Black- then Kozmotis Pitchner, used to be the first Guardian." she sighed and laid her hand over Pitch's cold and gray one that had been tucked into the couch. His breathing was shallow and she could feel his hand move slightly against hers, searching for warmth and comfort. She smiled gently and stroked his forehead with her other hand. "He was the Guardian of Courage."


	19. Story Time With Sandy: Fall of a General

**Hola humani! (Gods it's been so long since I've used that greeting.)**

**welcome to the nineteenth chapter of the Boogeyman Tries to understand Fanfiction! **

**I'm going to have to keep this AN short, as It's already WAY over my character limit, but I do have this to say: **

**_SUPPORT THE STOP OF SOPA_!**

**If you don't know what that is, I recommend looking it up. for those who do, an****t****i-SOPA people of Fanfiction, unite!**

**OK, that's all for me. Oh, and I know I said this story would be twenty chapters long, but I think it's gonna go on to twenty-five. So no, I'm not going to cut you guys off next chapter without even a by-your-leave. HOW MEAN DO YOU THINK I-**

**Never mind. Stupid question.**

**Lastly, Starskulls has drawn a beautiful picture of me and my buds hanging out on Deviantart. com and I so want to put it as my avatar, but I can't, due to space issues. See it, enjoy it, laugh out loud at it, and bow down to the great writers portrayed in it. **

**That's all from me! (When did this AN get so long?!)**

**Have fun reading!**

* * *

One second, then two. The silence in the cave reverberated around Jack's mind as he struggled to comprehend what Tooth as saying. Tooth didn't seem to notice his apparent amazement because she was too preoccupied stroking Pitch's hair and Sandy was too preoccupied with keeping Pitch asleep.

Jack felt his brain ground to a halt. Wait, had he heard that right? Pitch had been a Guardian?! How? When?!

Unfortunately, Jack hadn't had much contact with beings who could actually hear him and thus, hadn't learned the most important rule of thinking before speaking and so he shouted, loudly.

"He was _WHAT?!_"

_"SHUSH!" _Tooth hissed, kicking Jack's ankle.

"Ow!" Jack said, rubbing his ankle with his other foot and balancing on his staff. "What-"

"Shut up!" Tooth said, looking up and pointing a stern finger at Jack. "Sandy has enough trouble with the Nightmares and Fearlings when he's keeping Pitch asleep! He doesn't need you waking him up with your screaming."

Jack had so many questions- about Pitch, the man he was, Tooth, Sandy, how the hell they knew all this -but he kept his mouth shut, if only to avoid the wrath of Tooth and only scowled. It wasn't in his normal personality to be patient and calm and he had to fight to keep the questions from spilling out of his mouth.

Tooth nodded, satisfied. "I understand you have questions, Jack." she said, going back to stroking Pitch's hair. "And I'll do my best to answer them. Remember, Sandy has been around a lot longer than I have been. He was actually there when... _that thing_ happened." she faltered in her stroking and glanced up at Sandy. "Sorry Sandy. I know you don't like talking about it."

Sandy looked pained, but sighed and waved her apology away. _It is hard to talk about, but I think that Jack should know about it. All the others do._

This made Jack blink. "Wait, what? They _all_ know?" he asked, frowning.

"Yes, they do." Tooth said.

_We don't talk about it. _Sandy said, using his dreamsand. _It's a very difficult subject, especially for me._

"If you don't want to talk about it," Jack said quickly.

_No no,_ Sandy wrote, holding up his hand. _It must be done._ He sighed. _Well, Jack, it all started on a planet who's name I have completely forgotten. I lived there, before I became a Guardian, as a Star._

Jack blinked. "A star?"

_Yes. I was a member of The Star Guard that guarded the palace of the Lunanoff family, the ruling family that governed our planet and the surrounding planets_. _I started out an just another soldier, fresh out of the Star Academy, but I was a good soldier. I was smart, I was brave, and I was the ideal material for the Golden Army, the regular militia that fought the Fearlings, which are beings of darkness that roamed the outskirts of the planet._

Jack stared. "Golden Army? Fearlings?"

_Bear with me, Jack. _Sandy said, raising his hand. Golden sand leaked from Sandy's fingertips and rose up, twisting and shaping itself like a living being and Jack could almost see the story unfolding around him as the golden sand transformed into images. First a man with a golden sand helmet and a golden full suit of intricate body-armor. Jack assumed this was the uniform of the Golden Army.

_Now, I was the perfect material for the Golden Army, but when I met the Lieutenant of the Golden Army- an eighteen-year-old man named Kozmotis Pitchner -he told me that I would be wasted in the army._

Sandy made an image of a man that looked a lot like Pitch, with the same spiky hair and narrow face, but this man was smiling and he wore a much more elaborate outfit with a breastplate and gauntlets and a scythe in his hands. The image was about a foot tall and as Jack looked at it, the figure struck a courageous pose with the butt of the scythe braced against the ground and a cocky smile on his face.

_He was a kind man, a brave man, _Sandy said, making the golden Pitch raise his scythe in a defensive position. _And he could tell that I wasn't the kind of Star that could kill, as I would be required to if I were to join the army. So when he met me in my interview, _Sandy made an image of him standing before a desk and Kozmotis sitting behind it, looking at him intently. _he advised me to join the Star Guard instead. I did, and I spent ten years in the Star Guard guarding the royal Lunanoff family._

Sandy paused and made a golden crown that consisted of a simple circle of metal with a crescent rune on the front and small gems embedded around the crown's rim. It was beautiful and Jack wanted to touch it, but he didn't. He knew the image would dissipate if he did try to touch it.

_During those ten years, Kozmotis Pitchner continued to check up on me, asking if I were happy with my job and within the first year, we became good friends. I admired the man and was even his best man at his wedding. _Sandy made a image of him in a suit and top hat and Jack almost chuckled. _Five years later they had Seraphina, Kozmotis's daughter and a year after that, Kozmotis rose to the post of General. We were so proud of him._

Sandy paused to wipe a small sand tear from the corner of his eye.

"Sandy, if it's too painful for you to talk about," Jack began.

_No no,_ Sandy wrote again, waving his hand. _I'm fine. _He took a deep breath and forged on._ Now, over the years he was in the army Kozmotis had built up a reputation for his tactical skills and his ingenuity had led to the capture of many of the monstrous beings and Fearlings and the imprisonment of many more. It was a difficult and dangerous job- as Fearlings had similar abilities to the Nightmare King we have now, seeing and feeding on your fear, but he had managed to do it without letting them kill a single one of his men. That had never been done before._

Sandy smiled, recalling Kozmotis's fearlessness and valor in battle. He had _never_ been afraid._ He was a great man, _Sandy wrote._ A very great man and, apart from being in constant demand by the army, Kozmotis and his family lived a happy life for the next ten years. His daughter grew to become a beautiful little child- _Sandy made an image of Kozmotis sitting on an invisible chair and a little girl with long hair sitting on his lap, clapping her hands and smiling- _and Kozmotis became a legend in the army for his capture of the many forces of darkness._

"The Fearlings." Jack said.

_Yes, the Fearlings. _Sandy agreed, and made an image of a writhing mass of golden sand that looked faintly threatening. The image made Jack think of ghouls, with the shadowy bodies that ended in trails of whatever they were made of, and there were were no recognizable human features- except an arm with claw-like fingers and a lumpy head, but Jack got the distinct impression that they were much worse than they looked. _Creatures made out of pure fear. _Sandy shuddered. _Luckily for me, I never had to deal with any of those monstrous beings. I just guarded the palace and the royal personages. Kind of a cushy job, _he admitted. _But I didn't have the heart for killing and there weren't that many jobs for a Star Academy graduate that weren't army-oriented._

Tooth, who was reading every word of Sandy's story, tsked and said, "Sandy, you did nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to kill anyone."

Sandy smiled gratefully and nodded. _True. Anyway, _he began again, turning back to Jack. _Over the years, the Fearlings grew angry when their fellows were captured and killed. They started attacking more ferociously and as a bigger force and Kozmotis was called more and more often to combat them and lead the army. His wife and daughter begged him to stay, but if Kozmotis had a fault, it was his sense of duty. He couldn't allow himself to stand by while his men were killed, so he went out and led the charge against the Fearlings._

Sandy made an image of Kozmotis on a golden horse and holding a scythe. He looked regal and like a true General. Jack was amazed at the details that Sandy used when he pictured his old friend. He could see the shining in the horse's eyes, the fierce determination on Kozmotis's face and he was reminded of the same look that Pitch had sported when he'd appeared in the Tooth Palace. Fierce, brave. Jack could believe, now that he saw that man on the horse riding into battle, that Pitch had been a different man.

Sandy let the image of Kozmotis hang in the air for a bit, then he transformed it into a image of the front gate of a castle being mobbed by indistinct monsters. The Fearlings.

_While_ _Kozmotis was leading the charge against an army of Fearlings, a smaller invasion launched a full-scale attack on the Lunanoff Palace. I was one of the soldiers in the front lines, so I saw everything. _Sandy shuddered again and the image changed to one of him using a pair of whips against a cloud of Fearlings._ A lot of Stars in the Star Guard died that day. _Sandy wiped a tear from his eye again. This memory obviously hurt him._ He probably lost friends in that battle, _Jack thought, wishing he could comfort the old dream-maker.

_After the Fearlings retreated, _Sandy continued,_ leaving us wallowing in our own blood and crying over our fallen comrades, Kozmotis came back, leading about fifty men that were still alive and uncorrupted of the army that had gone into battle._

Jack gasped, feeling horrified. "Fifty?" he said, his eyes widening. "And how many men was it that Pitch- er, Kozmotis commanded?"

_Over fifty thousand._ Sandy said sadly.

"Over fifty thousand?!" Jack demanded, his eyes widening. "That means," he paused, trying to do some mental arithmetic. "That means the Fearlings killed over _forty-thousand_ _men_! How is that possible?!"

_There was a reason barely any of them survived, Jack._ Sandy wrote. _The Fearling numbers were more than we could count, but we know that there were at least half as many Fearlings as the soldiers to the Golden Army._

"That means _twenty-five_ _thousand_!" Jack interrupted, staring with wide eyes. "With that many numbers you could've massacred them!"

_If only. _Sandy wrote, lowering his head. _Jack, it takes at least __**five**__ men to take down one Fearling, sometimes more. So you can see, despite our huge army, we were drastically short of men and we didn't have much of a chance. _He sighed and looked upwards, towards the rocky ceiling._**They**__ massacred __**us**__._

Jack looked up took and saw, to his horror, images of brave warriors falling and horses being eaten alive by the Fearlings. Men turned into monsters when the Fearlings went into their mouths and took control of them. A few men were on the ground, screaming silently with their hands over their ears to block out whatever horrors the Fearlings were inflicting on them. Only one rider still stood. Kozmotis Pitchner, swinging his scythe left and right, riding through the rubble and bodies, trying to help his men.

Sandy sighed and the images disappeared, to be replaced by an image of Kozmotis dragging a man with his arm around his shoulder into a throne room with two people sitting atop the magnificent golden thrones. There were wounded men behind him and Kozmotis set the man down, then he turned to the thrones. The man and woman atop them stared down at the men and wounded soldiers and spoke in silent voices.

_After the General came back, _Sandy wrote, providing the narrative._ The Lunanoffs commissioned him to guard the prison in the Palace where the Fearlings were being caged. _The man atop his throne waved his hand. _They thought the Fearlings were trying to break their fellows out and Kozmotis only had time to briefly see his wife and kiss his daughter good-bye before he was whisked away to guard the prison. _Sandy paused and sighed. _Here's where it gets worse._

Jack's eyes widened. "There's worse than this?" he asked, unable to imagine what horrors Sandy would tell him next.

_Oh yes._ Sandy said, giving Jack a rueful smile. Jack instantly knew that whatever Sandy was going to tell him next was going to be absolutely horrific. _When Kozmotis was guarding the prison, the Fearlings inside concocted a vile plot to get him to let them out_.

"How would they do that? Can they hypnotize people?" Jack asked.

_No, Jack. They can do much more than that. _Sandy said sadly. _Remember, the Fearlings- like the Nightmare King we have now -had the ability to see into your deepest, darkest thoughts and use them against you. _Sandy paused. _They used to corner men when they were traveling over the planet and scare them to death, just for fun. _Jack noticed the look of hate on Sandy's face and the clenched fists of the normally peaceful Guardian and deduced that he'd witnessed this a few times.

Jack was outraged and he couldn't help himself from exploding, "They would do that?!"

_Oh yes, that and worse._ Sandy said, smiling ruefully again. _They used to take captives from our army and send them back to us months later. Their minds were completely destroyed from whatever torture they had undergone. They could only scream and scream, for days and days on end until their voices were gone and they could no longer speak. It was horrible. _Sandy conjured an image of a man on his knees, hugging himself with his mouth open in horror. _Oh Manny, I can barely stand to think about it._

"Don't, Sandy." Tooth ordered. Jack glanced at her and noticed that she had stopped stroking Pitch and now was holding his hand in hers. For some reason, this didn't bother Jack. He knew it should, her being like a mother to him and Pitch being the monster who had broken his staff, but he just couldn't bring himself to think about Pitch like a monster any more. "Just keep talking and don't think about them." she finished.

_I'm sorry Tooth, _Sandy said, turning to her and smiling. _It's just-_

"Don't apologize, just finish the story." she said firmly.

Sandy nodded_. Alright. _Then he turned to Jack. _The Fearlings wormed their way into Kozmotis's mind and figured out the one thing that Kozmotis would do anything for. His daughter._

"Seraphina?" Jack asked, just to make sure.

_Yes, his little girl Seraphina. _Sandy said._ They realized that he would only let them out if he believed she was in there with them, being torn apart. They called to him and, in his daughter's voice called out that she was being hurt and she was afraid and other things that they knew would get to him. He knew it was them and logic told him that she couldn't possibly be in there, but he still listened to her cries which got more and more agonized the longer he refused. After a while, he called for a lieutenant to relieve him and went to see the Lunanoffs._

Sandy paused again to dab his eyes and Jack found himself perched on the edge of his seat, excited and anxious to hear what happened next.

_He told them that, unless he was relieved permanently of the duty by a different soldier, the Fearlings would use him to escape and then it would all be his fault. They paid him no heed, however, and ordered him to go back and guard the Fearlings. They told him that he would be able to guard them if he stood fast and focused on the job at hand. He went back and guarded them for another week. By the end of the week, he was tired, angry, and scared. He was angry at the Lunanoffs for their treatment of him and scared of what he might do if he let his guard down and let the Fearlings out._

Jack had a feeling he knew what was coming next. There was a sinking feeling in his gut and he held his breath, watching the images changing above his head.

Sandy made an image of himself,walking behind Kozmotis. _Luckily for him, I was there when the Lunanoffs told him to go back to the prison and I followed, offering to help him by talking to him and drowning out the sounds of the Fearling's voices. _The Kozmotis above them nodded and he and Sandy headed towards a huge golden door that Jack assumed was the prison and they sat down in front of it.

_I talked to him about what I would do once I left the army, _Sandy said, showing the two men laughing and smiling at each other. _He said that he would live out a quiet life once his tour of duty was done. He wanted to raise his daughter and maybe have another little girl. I told him it was a fine idea and I would visit him often when he did. He told me I would be their godfather._

Sandy sighed again. _But eventually, the voices of the Fearlings proved to be too much for him and he began to listen to them more than me. I tried to help him by speaking to him and telling him about his family, but the Fearlings' voices were too persuasive and Kozmotis, overcome with anger and grief for the voice he thought was his daughter, let them out. I tried to stop him, but he threw me off and opened the door, allowing the monsters loose on the Palace._

By now, the sand images were reflecting Sandy's words exactly. Jack would see the sand Sandy, a man taller than the Sandy they now knew by about two feet, wearing armor and carrying sand whips. Kozmotis threw himself at the large golden door that bobbed in mid air and Sandy grabbed his arm, but Kozmotis threw him off and opened the door.

_The Fearlings burst out like a putrid black tidal wave and consumed Kozmotis. By then, he'd realized what he'd done and began to fight and battle the monsters, but there were too many of them and he was engulfed by them. I tried to save him, but they were too powerful and I couldn't fight them. I would've been consumed by Fearlings too, if I hadn't run. _Sandy looked even more downcast now. He couldn't meet Jack's eyes. The images disappeared and he wrote, _I was a coward and I ran, so I didn't see just how they changed him, but when the other soldiers were sent to contain the Fearlings, they only found Kozmotis- now Pitch Black._

_He didn't have any memories about who he was or who I was and he almost killed everyone, _Sandy wrote._ The only thing that stopped him was me. By then, I regained my courage and confronted him. He sneered and we fought. I lost and I would've been killed, but a spark of humanity that the Fearlings hadn't managed to crush inside of him must've come briefly to life and he let me live. Then he left._

Jack stared at the silent Guardian, hardly believing what he was reading. "Oh my gosh," he said, looking from the fading words to the sleeping Pitch Black. "You mean he could've _killed_ you?"

_Oh yes. And he tried to do just that several times after._ Sandy wrote, smiling weakly._ When I was appointed to head the interplanetary search for him, I almost got killed by him several times, but we never caught up with him and eventually we abandoned the search. We heard absolutely nothing from him for a year, just whispers of a monster that lurked in the deep forests, scaring children that lived on the edge of it. Then, on the very day the Fearlings turned him into a monster, he came back and tried to murder me, his wife, and his daughter._

Jacks eyes widened and he gasped in horror. So he'd been right. _I wish I hadn't,_ he thought sadly.

_I was staying with Archaline, his wife, and Seraphina to keep them safe. Sandy wrote. He arrived in the middle of the night. I was still awake, watching the doors and windows for signs of the Fearlings and then, suddenly, he was there, standing right beside me. He looked just like he does now, but a lot younger and darker. He sneered at me and said, 'ah, we meet again.'_

_'We never really met the first time,' I said. Back then, I could still speak._

Jack blinked, momentarily forgetting about his horror. "You used to be able to speak?" he asked incredulously.

_Oh yes. Many long years ago. _Sandy said. _But I lost the taste for it. Anyway, he laughed and I told him to get out, but he just walked lazily around the room, touching random things._

_'Do you live here?' he asked. I shook my head._

_'No, but you did.' I told him. He scoffed and didn't believe me. Then Seraphina came in and I felt suddenly very afraid, for her and for myself. I wondered if Pitch could kill his daughter if he didn't know it was her._

The sand images returned and Jack could see a little girl staring at Pitch and Sandy. The detail in her eyes clearly showed fear.

_Pitch watched me closely and said, 'You fear for this child, don't you?' I nodded and inched towards her. I had to protect her from the monster that used to be her father, but Seraphina still retained a childish hope that her father was this being. Worse still, she wasn't afraid of him and that scared me more than anything._

_'Leave her be.' I said, drawing my ships._

_'Is she your daughter?' Pitch asked, ignoring me. His gaze traveled from me to her and back to me._

_'No.' Seraphina said, stepping out. 'I'm your daughter, silly.' she tried to walk up to him but I grabbed her and held her to me, whispering that it wasn't her father anymore. She fought me, but I held onto her and Pitch just watched us with amusement in his eyes. _Sandy smiled. _That girl was so brazen. She fought me and cried that she was his daughter and that her papa was back, just like he'd promised her he would be. That almost broke my heart._

_Pitch smiled at us and asked if the girl was mentally disturbed and if that as why she thought he was her father. I told him she was his daughter and that the Fearlings were poisoning his mind and he needed to let us help him, but he didn't believe me and tried to kill me, but I fought him off and he would've left, but then Archaline woke up and I had two humans to take care of while still battling Pitch. Archaline got hit in the crossfire and she died._

Jack felt terrible, like he'd been in the sun too long. Nausea churned in his stomach at the terrible story Sandy was telling. The details made him wish he could cry without having them freeze on his cheeks.

_I was wounded, _Sandy said, _and Pitch was advancing on Seraphina. He was about to kill her and by now, she knew that he wasn't her father anymore, but she still had a childish hope that he was a good man beneath the corruption and she started to cry._

Sandy's sand showed a little girl on her knees and Pitch towering over her with a golden scythe pointed at horrified Jack and he didn't want to look, but somehow he found himself unable to look away.

_Those tears, _Sandy continued, _soaked into the earth and, just as Pitch was about to swing, a wall of vines and earth erupted around the girl and covered her to protect her. Pitch hissed with rage and slashed at the vines, but the vines were magical and he only blunted the blade of his scythe. I attacked him from behind and, while we were doing battle, Seraphina emerged from the cocoon of earth a full-grown woman and the spirit Mother Nature._

Jack's eyes bugged out farther than they ever had before. This new revelation was more astonishing that any he'd just heard and he gaped. "M- Mother Nature i- is Pitch's daughter?!" he choked, staring down atPitch's unconscious body and then up at Sandy. "But that means-"

Sandy frowned._ What, Jack?_

Jack gulped. He knew that, if he told anyone, he would be in trouble big-time, so he decided to keep it to himself. "N- nothing." he said, trying to sound calm and collected. "N- nothing. Keep going, Sandy."

Sandy gave him a strange look, then he continued, making a note to he agitated winter-spirit later. _Yes, Mother Nature is Pitch's daughter. She emerged from the cocoon of earth a full-grown woman with black hair, shining green eyes and a dress woven from fresh, green grass. She looked beautiful and she strode right into the middle of the battle, grabbed Pitch by the arm, and threw him into a tree._

Jack and Tooth both winced and Tooth was ninety-nine percent sure that Pitch jerked in his sleep.

_After that, both Seraphina and Pitch disappeared and I didn't see him for a long, long time afterwards. By that time, the other Guardians emerged and I suppose you know the rest, _he finished, looking from Jack to Tooth.

"Yeah." Jack said quietly, still looking at Pitch. His eyes were glassy and he was obviously thinking deep thoughts about something.

Sandy saw the look in his eyes and tapped him on the shoulder. _Jack, tell me. What's wrong?_

Jack shook his head and the glassy look disappeared. "I'm fine, Sandy, really." he said, finally looking the Sandman in the face. He was smiling, but Sandy could see the confusion and pain beneath the placid look. He didn't buy it.

Tooth didn't either and she rose up from her kneeling position and over to Jack. She hovered right above Pitch's feet and placed her hand on Jack's shoulder. "Jack, I understand it's hard to believe. I didn't believe it when Sandy told the rest of us, but eventually I realized it was true and I learned to live with it." She glanced at Pitch. "Back then, I hated Pitch and so did the rest of us. I'm not proud of what I did now, but I know that I was wrong and I'm trying to atone for it."

_We're telling you this, Jack,_ Sandy wrote, tapping Jack on the shoulder to get his attention._ Because we want you to understand what Pitch was and how far he has fallen. He was a great man, reduced to a monster by the job that he tried to do with all his heart. He changed, Jack, and he became a monster. Now, we're trying to get the monster out and save the man that once was._

Tooth gave Sandy a questioning look. Sandy just shrugged.

_If I'm going to help, I'd better go the whole hog. _He wrote. He had been thinking about this the whole time he'd been telling the story and he'd come to the conclusion that he was already into it too far to stop, so he might as well just admit that he wanted to help Pitch and do it, instead of shirking away because of past experiences.

Tooth's eyes widened and she flew over Jack's head to give the rotund little dreammaker a hug. "Thank you Sandy! Thank you!"

Sandy accepted the hug and patted her gently on the shoulder. _You're welcome Tooth. It's time to have our General back._

Jack just sat silently, watching Tooth and Sandy and Pitch. The Nightmare King hadn't moved since Sandy's describing the fight with his daughter and Jack could see that he wasn't going to wake up for a long time, thanks to Sandy's dream-sand.

Several things were bothering the prince of winter currently. One, Pitch's new-found association with Mother Nature.

_He's her father?! _Jack thought, trying to keep his face emotionless. Luckily he had experience with this and could keep his face as blank as a magnetized disc. _Oh man, when I get out of here her and I are going to have words! How could she not tell me?!_

The second thing worrying our young winter spirit was something he voiced aloud. "Um, Sandy? Tooth?" he asked when the two separated and Tooth floated back to Pitch's side. Pitch's face had scrunched up again and it relaxed as soon as Tooth touched him. Jack found this extremely amusing, but he didn't let it show. He knew from that crazy story Jamie had given him to read that she'd already kissed him, which he knew he should be disgusted about- Tooth being his surrogate mother and all -but he wasn't. Not really.

After hearing Sandy's story and learning just who Pitch was and what he had done, Jack was feeling more inclined to be sorry for the Boogeyman than angry at him or disgusted. It was Tooth's decision what she wanted to do with him and he could see quite clearly that she liked the Nightmare King. Jack didn't know if Pitch reciprocated, but he did know that, when everything got straightened out and Pitch became a good man again, if he did anything to hurt Tooth, he would feel Jack's wrath until the end of his days!

"Yes Jack?" Tooth asked.

"Um, I might be a little slow on the uptake because this is my first time hearing this story, but I thought you said Pitch was a Guardian. Didn't he have to die for that to happen?" Jack asked.

Tooth shook her head. "No, Jack. Actually, as far as I know, you're the only one of us who ever died before turning into a Guardian." she said, turning to Sandy. "Isn't that right Sanderson?"

Sandy nodded. _Right as rain. I didn't die, and neither did Tooth or Pitch._ He glanced at the unconscious man lying on the couch beside them. _In all honesty,_ he said. _I'm not sure when Kozmotis became a Guardian. _He shrugged. _He never told me, but I suspect it was after he caged those Fearlings._

"The ones that told him his daughter was with them?" Jack asked for confirmation.

_Yes. _Sandy said.

Jack frowned, then looked down at Pitch. His face was still relaxed and smiling. "How long was it after that until Kozmotis was turned into Pitch?" he asked.

Sandy frowned. _I'm not sure. A few years?_

"And did you ever notice anything strange about him?" Jack asked, still looking down at Pitch. "Did he have any powers or abilities? Flying or phasing, like he can do now?"

Sandy shook his head._ I don't remember anything like that._ He admitted. Then he frowned. _Jack, what are you thinking?_

Jack stayed silent for a while, thinking deep thoughts. If Sandy never knew when Kozmotis became a Guardian and neither did the others, then the only one who would know for certain would be the moon, and he wasn't exactly forthcoming with answers. Jack sighed. He would have to think about this later. Then, when Sandy was about to tap him on the shoulder and ask him what was wrong again, he looked up and said, "Sorry Sandy, I was just thinking about something."

Sandy rolled his eyes and Tooth translated. "Well _that's_ obvious Jack. But what was it?"

Jack just smiled and waved his hand. "Never mind. It's nothing important." he had to steer them away from this topic, for now anyway. "So, now what are we going to do?" he asked.

Sandy and Tooth both gave him an unimpressed look and he gave them another smile. "Guys, come on! It's nothing!" he said.

Sandy and Tooth shared a look. Whatever it was that Jack was thinking of, they knew they wouldn't be getting it out of him.

"Fine." Tooth said, giving up first. "Fine Jack, we'll let you keep your little secret. I know you'll tell us eventually."

Jack just shrugged and said, "So, what are we going to do now?"

Sandy looked at Tooth. Tooth shrugged. "Well, now that you're in the loop, I guess we're going to have to figure out a way to make North and Bunny understand."

Jack snorted. "Yeah, good luck with that. They hate him almost as much as I do- er, did." he corrected sheepishly when Tooth gave him a glare.

"Indeed." Tooth said coldly, turning her attention to Sandy. "Sandy? Any ideas?"

But the telling of Pitch's story had obviously weakened the golden guardian, mentally and physically, because during the brief few seconds that Tooth and Jack had been preoccupied, Sandy had fallen asleep. His golden head lolled and soft snores escaped from his mouth. Jack sniggered.

"OK, Sandy thinks we should take a nap. Show of hands who's surprised?"

Tooth swatted Jack on the arm. "Jack!" she reprimanded. "Try to be a little tactful! Sandy just got through telling the most traumatic story of his life!"

Jack rubbed his arm. "And I was sympathetic. Now I have to poke fun." he gave her an award-winning smile. Tooth felt her anger melt like butter and it was all she could do not to stare at them. The teeth, I mean. Why, what were you thinking?

"-in my job description after all!" Jack said, shaking Tooth out of her slight trance.

"Hm? Oh, yeah." Tooth blinked twice. "There we go. Ahem."

Jack gave Tooth an odd look and then said, "I repeat my question: what are we going to do now?"

XXXXXXXXXX

_"That... was... AWESOME!" _Abby squealed, dancing around in the parking lot while Fanty fiddled with the keys. "Awesome awesome AWESOME!"

"I'm glad you liked it." Fanty said, trying not to swear as she dropped her keys.

They'd just finished watching Pacific Rim on the big screen and Abby had loved every minute of it. Now they were about to hear home, as soon as Fanty found the right key for her car, an ancient Chevy Celebrity her mother had given her. It was a grandma car, but she didn't mind. The other girls loved it and they frequently begged Fanty for a ride when their own cars were otherwise engaged. IE, dead.

Thankfully, Abby was no longer a grouchy self-blaming teenager she'd been when they entered the theater. Now, she was most definitely back to her normal, bubbly, happy self. And, apparently kind too, because when she saw her friend's keys on the ground she stooped and picked them up without pause for thought.

"Here ya go!" she said, handing the keys back to Fanty. Fanty nodded her thanks, picked out the right key and unlocked her door. Soon the girls were driving back to the apartment building, chatting like there was nothing wrong in the world.

"I really loved that movie," Fanty admitted. "There's just something about movies with robots in them that does it for me."

Abby smirked. "Yeah. With how much you watch I Robot, Walle, Robots and all those other robot movies, beats me why you love RotG." she said.

"Are you kidding?!" Fanty exclaimed. "RotG is the greatest! It's like, the definition of being a kid! Trying to trap Santa Clause, having snow-ball fights, Hiding from the Boogeyman," Fanty paused and glanced at Abby. "Oh. Right. Sorry."

"It's no biggie. He's much better that that other one." Abby said, instantly shaking off the slip-up. "So, how's Listen to your Mind going?"

Fanty winced. "Writer's cramp." she said, swerving to avoid a collision with an idiot who came around the corner in the wrong lane. "ASSHOLE!" she yelled, waving her middle finger out the window.

"He he." Abby giggled. "I thought I just saw some six-year-olds playing in their front yard."

"Oh hell!" Fanty swore. "Great. As if I'm not enough of a bad influence on _you_!"

Abby smiled. "And yet we're still friends." she said.

"Forever." Fanty agreed.

The rest of the drive was filled with the normal teenage chatter. The lame boy bands, the great new movies, the lack of proper actors, how freaking pissed they were when Brave got the Academy award instead of RotG, etc etc. When they got to the apartment and headed up into their perspective rooms, Abby immediately got re-dressed in her favorite black candy pajamas and sat down at her computer.

"Hey kiddies, Mommy's home!" she said in a maddeningly happy sing-song voice. She turned on the speakers and the monitor, re-checked her signal and broadcasting frequency, and then proceeded to switch on the connection that re-routed Pitch's cameras to her own computer. The picture came into focus and Abby was surprised to see Jack Frost, Sandy, and Tooth all sitting- well, actually Tooth was hovering, but you get my meaning -around Pitch's couch. From what she could see Sandy was out cold- no surprises there, and Tooth and jack whispering so as not to wake him up. She smiled and decided to announce her comeback.

"This is the Moon!" She said in a deep, manly voice that scared all three Guardians. Sandy jumped to attention and saluted nobody in particular, Jack fell off his seat and Tooth puffed up like a frightened Sparrow. Abby silently sniggered and tried to regain her focus. Deep manly voice. Ahem. "What is it _now_?!" she asked, trying to sound awe-inspiring.

Sandy lowered his arm, looked at it, then rolled his eyes and glanced back up at the ceiling. Tooth deflated a bit and Jack's head popped up like a toy Jack in the box.

"Manny?" he asked, frowning.

"Nope!" Abby said, smiling and using her normal girlish voice. "Just me!"

All three Guardians sighed with relief and Sandy shook a reprimanding finger at the camera that he couldn't see.

"I know, I know Sandy." Abby said, smiling. "But it was just too good an opportunity." she frowned. "And what was with that military act? Did North take on the role of drill Sargent or something?"

Sandy shrugged and made a golden sand arm above his head.

"You were in the army?" Abby translated in disbelief. "Good grief. The three O'clock wake-up call must've been hell."

Sandy nodded and made a golden alarm clock and a sledgehammer. He smashed the sand alarm clock and then smiled as if he were the most innocent person in the world.

"Cute Sanderson." Abby said. Then she turned the camera to look at Tooth. "Ah, Tooth! How's it hanging- or should I say, how's it flying?"

Tooth smirked. "Hey Abby. It's hanging good. The wound is completely puss free and he will heal. The only thing keeping him asleep is Sandy."

Abby glanced at Sandy. "Um, yeah, if you could to that for a little bit longer I'd be very grateful."

Sandy made a question mark.

"There are several things I have to do before he wakes up." Abby replied.

"Does that involve painting his caves pink and plastering twilight posters everywhere?" asked Jack Frost, who had positioned himself on the arm of the couch again. "'Cause I'll help."

Abby laughed. "And the infamous Jack Frost. How's it going Frosty?"

Jack ignored the 'frosty' thing. If you'd heard that as many times as he'd heard it. . . "It's going fine. Tooth and Sandy just explained the whole story to me and I gotta say, I kinda feel sorry for the guy."

Abby smiled. "Tooth, Sandy, you two are miracle-workers." she said, clapping her hands together. "Now all that remains is for me to do my part and-"

"Hold on a second," Jack said, raising his hand. "There's something I want to ask you."

Abby frowned, then her eyes lit up. _Oh hell._ She thought._ Jamie! _"Yes Jack?" she said, figuring she might as well get it over with.

Jack sat up straighter and fixed the screen with a suspicious look. "How did Jamie find your story?"

Abby mentally kicked herself. Of course he'd ask about that. Of course! "Weeeeeeeell," she said slowly, trying to think up an answer. Should she tell the truth? Should she lie? "I knew that I had to get more of the Guardians to believe in Pitch and I knew that the next one was going to have to be you." _OK, I'm committed_. She thought. _The truth it is_. "I also knew that you wouldn't go willingly if you knew about it, so I decided to get Jamie to tell you for me. I knew you wouldn't believe me, but I knew you would believe him."

Tooth and Sandy just listened patiently. They knew that Jack had come down here for a reason, and apparently that reason had something to do with Jamie.

"I sent him an email and told him to make you read that chapter. He already knows about Pitch and what happened to him, so he was very willing to help me out. Oh, and he's also kind of ticked that you never told him about Pitch." she added.

Jack stared up at her in disbelief. "I didn't even know until today!" he protested.

"I know, and I told him that." Abby said quickly. She was going to have to talk fast to get her way out of this. "He almost stopped believing in you, you know. When he figured out that you guys hadn't told him the whole truth about what Pitch was and how you guys just shoved him back under the bed each time he made a grab for freedom. He almost stopped believing."

Tooth gasped and Jack felt his heart burst with anger. "WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM?!" he yelled. Pitch jerked and Sandy instantly poured another handful of dreamsand over him. "What did you say?!"

Abby kept her voice cool, calm and collected. "I told him to just let it go." she said flatly. "He was about to give up on you because he thought you had lied to him about Pitch being the bad guy, but I told him that you didn't. That you saw no reason for him to know, or maybe you just didn't think about his other side because you believed that that man was long gone." she paused and saw, to her satisfaction, that Jack wasn't glaring up at her anymore. He was staring. . . just staring. Tooth and Sandy had their heads lowered in shame, but Jack had his raised up high and he stared at her through the camera, unblinking.

"I told him being mad wouldn't going to help anyone do anything, and I told him to just let it go. It happened, and he can't change that. But what he could do was start you Guardians and Pitch on the path of redemption, and he did. He brought you down here, Jack. If he hadn't, well, I don't think we would be here right now."

The three Guardians stayed completely motionless for a long time and Abby silently sighed. There. She'd said it. There was no going back now.

Finally, after a long moment of silence, Jack spoke. "You made him believe in me?" he asked in the quietest voice possible. Abby could barely hear him and she nodded.

"I did."

Jack stared at the camera for another long minute, then he smiled a small smile. "Thank you." he said. Then he turned and, with his staff in his hand, headed for the opening.

"Where are you going?" Tooth asked.

"To Burgess." Jack replied, taking flight. He still had that calm, gentle smile on his face and his voice echoed in the dark passage. "There's something I have to do."

Tooth almost called out to him, but Sandy put a hand on her shoulder and she sank back to her knees in front of Pitch. His face was slightly scrunched up, but it relaxed instantly when she touched his hand.

Sandy smiled and made a heart with an arrow through it.

Tooth looked up and smiled. "Oh Sandy," she said, blushing. Then she raised her head and looked up at the passage where Jack had disappeared into. "Do you think he's going to be alright?" she asked, turning to look at Sandy.

Sandy made an image of two boys hugging and Tooth nodded.

"Yes, he's probably going to Jamie. I hope the boy doesn't yell at him."

Abby, who was still watching, smiled. "Oh no, he won't." she said. "Jamie will be mad at him, but Jack will forgive him and then Jamie will forgive Jack."

Tooth looked up. "How do you know?" she asked, frowning at the camera.

Abby smiled again and looked out her window. Rain was beginning to fall and even though it was nearly summer, there were tiny hailstones mixed with the rain. It pitter-pattered against the cracked window of her apartment and as she stared out at the darkening sky she said, almost to herself, "Because that's the way the story is written."

XXXXXXXX

Burgess. . . Jamie's house

Jamie paced up and down his room. It had been just over a day since his strange conversation with Abby and his confrontation with Jack. In that time he'd been practically going out of his head with worry for what was going to happen next. He'd been tense in school, edgy at home, practically the opposite of what he normally was. The others noticed and his sister noticed right away, but his mother and teachers paid absolutely no attention. Pippa and the others had cornered him in the school yard earlier and asked him what was wrong, but he'd run.

Since then, he'd been thinking over everything over and over and over again. Pitch, the Guardians, Jack, Abby, her story, him, and he'd come to one simple conclusion. Just one.

Fate, luck, destiny, whatever you want to call it, _seriously_ had it in for him.

"First my dad," Jamie muttered. "Then the Guardians, then this whole deal with Pitch, and _now_ I figure out Pippa had a crush on me. Absolutely fragging fantastic!" he flopped down on his bed and laid there, on his back with his hands folded behind his head.

After the episode in the school yard, Pippa had tried to approach him but, being a confused and slightly embarrassed little boy, Jamie had run off with a pink face. Now, he was feeling like a complete and utter idiot about it.

"I should've stayed! Then maybe I could've hugged her, like they do in the movies!" he groaned to himself.

"Girl troubles?"

Jamie jumped to his feet and raised his hands in a boxer position. "Who- what-"

"Relax boyo, it's just me." Jack said, perching on Jamie's windowsill. He braced his hands against the sides of the window and propelled himself easily into the room, coming to a stop several feet from Jamie. He leaned against his staff and asked, with a twinkle in his eye, "So, is it Pippa or Cupcake?"

Jamie blushed. "Pippa." he said hoarsely. "Monty would kill me if I went anywhere near Cupcake."

Jack laughed. He looked calm and collected, not afraid or angry. That was good. "Ah, so the Montmeister has a crush on Cupcake." he said, smirking.

Jamie smiled nervously. "Yeah. She kinda announced it yesterday and Monty goes tomato-red every time she mentions it." he smirked. "She keeps sitting next to him, holding his hand and leaning on him when we're all walking. It's hilarious."

Jack cracked up. "Man, dating has seriously changed from when I was human." he said, wiping a frozen tear of laughter off of his face. "Back then, if you even went near a girl older than ten without asking her father and brother's permission first, you got pummeled."

Jamie smirked. "Well, Cupcake is certainly making the most of it. She goes over the top to tease Monty about it and I swear, by the time he's thirteen he won't have a macho cell in his body. If he had any to begin with."

Jack frowned. "Uh, Jamie? Kid from the seventeen hundreds here. What the heck is a Macho cell? Is that like, hormones or something? Because North gave me the _whole_ spiel on teenage hormones a few weeks ago and let me tell you, I am completely scarred for my immortal teenage life. That being said, I don't remember anything about a macho cell."

Jamie smirked and shook his head. "No, Jack. No." he said, as if despairing his friend's lack of knowledge. "Macho cell," Jamie explained. "is just an expression. Macho means guy-like stuff, like when the guy steps up in the movies to another guy who won't leave a woman alone. When he defends her, he's being macho. And when he gets into a fight to impress her, that's also being macho."

"Oh." Jack said, frowning. He puzzled over Jamie's answer for a second, then he said, "So, you're saying that Monty isn't guy-like?"

"He's guy-like in his own way." Jamie admitted. "He's just not the macho-type. He's the smartsy computer-guy kind of guy. And there's nothing wrong with that." Jamie paused and glanced up at Jack. "To be honest, Jack, you're not mucho macho either."

Jack looked affronted. "Hey, I'm macho!" he protested. "I saved Tooth's life! That's gotta count for some macho points, right?"

Jamie sighed. "Wrong. You saved her because she's like your mother. Besides, you're not that type of guy." he added firmly.

Jack blinked. "Oh?" he challenged. "And just what kind of guy am I?"

"You're the kind of goofy, loving guy that would absolutely fawn over your girlfriend." Jamie said without hesitation. "You would beat any guy up that tried to touch her, but you wouldn't try to show off. You're too smart for that."

Jack shrugged. "Eh. You pegged me."

Jamie smirked. "Yeah, Macho guys do everything they can to show off. They take blows and then soak in the limelight when the girl is washing out their wounds."

Jack let out a barking laugh. "Ha! Thanks Jamie." he said, giving the boy a mock-glare and scrunching his face up like he had smelled something from a landfill. "Now you're telling me that _Pitch_ has more macho that me!"

"Did he take a cut to save Tooth?" Jamie asked. Of course he already knew this, but he wanted to hear Jack say it aloud.

_"Yes." _Jack replied grouchily, his face retaining the 'bad smell' expression.

"Then he's pure macho." Jamie replied, completely straight-faced.

Jack threw him a dirty look. "Thanks." he replied sulkily.

Jamie smirked. OK, this wasn't anything like he expected it to. He'd expected Jack to either come crawling for forgiveness or come raging in like a blizzard and freeze him before he got a chance to explain. Instead they were bantering like they were old friends again. What was going on? _Was_ Jack going to apologize to him? _If he does, _Jamie thought firmly, _I won't accept it._

Jack must've seen the look on his face because he smiled. "Let me guess, you're wondering about why I'm not begging for forgiveness or screaming in rage at you?"

Jamie coughed and tried to push the angry thoughts out of his head. "Um, yeah, kinda." he admitted.

Jack laughed again and walked over to Jamie. Jamie almost took a step backwards away from his friend, but he controlled his impulse and stayed still. Jack raised his hand and again, Jamie felt the impulse to shrink back. _Stop it! _He told himself._ It's just an impulse left over from my early years._

"Jamie, I'm not mad at you." Jack said gently. "And I understand if you are mad at me. I do deserve it for not telling you the truth."

Jamie lowered his head. "Jack..."

"No, Jamie," Jack said, putting his hand on the boy's shoulder. "I didn't tell you about Pitch-"

"Because you didn't know!" Jamie exploded, shaking off Jack's hand and staring up at him, trying not to cry. "I'm so sorry Jack! I'm blaming you, personally for the mistakes of the others when you didn't even know about it! I made a stupid mistake and you have nothing to do with-"

"Jamie," Jack said firmly, but kindly. "You did _nothing_ wrong. OK? Now, if you'll calm down and listen to me, I'll explain."

Jamie, too conflicted and confused to argue, allowed himself to be steered towards his bed. They both sat down, facing each other. Jack looked at Jamie. Jamie looked at Jack.

Jack sighed. "OK, first of all, you are right when you said that I didn't know anything about Pitch and his past life." he smiled. "Sandy just told me."

Jamie nodded dumbly. Of course Sandy would know. He'd been Kozmotis's best friend back in the Golden Army days.

"But you are wrong when you said that you made a mistake." Jack continued. "You were ignorant, and that can't be considered a mistake unless someone dies because of it. And, as far as I know, no ones died just yet."

"But Pitch-"

"Pitch..." Jack said, raising a hand to stop the boy. "Pitch is a weird, strange being with a horrible story and a twisted past. He has the potential to be a good man and help the world, but he has to change to do that."

Jamie felt himself bristle. He wanted to leap to the Boogeyman's defense, even after what he did at Easter. "Hes made some mistakes, but who's to say _you_ wouldn't have if you'd been left alone that long?" he shot back.

Jack sighed and, for a second, Jamie thought he'd gone too far. "Jamie," he said, not looking the boy in the eyes. "There are some things I haven't told you about. Things I never told _anyone_ about, because they were so painful for me to talk about."

Jamie faltered. "What?" he asked, confused at Jack's sudden topic-change.

"In my early years," Jack said, lowering his head. "I was jealous of the humans and the spirits who had believers and were seen. I wanted to be seen so much and, in truth, I hated the Guardians for how they were believed in all across the globe."

Jamie's eyes widened. "You- you mean-"

"Yes." Jack said. "If I wasn't so much of a coward, I definitely would've done what Pitch did. More, probably. I would've never stopped until I had someone to talk to be and be my family."

Jamie instantly felt bad for his friend. He had known Jack had been alone for a long time, but he obviously hadn't known just _how_ alone his friend had been.

"Jamie," Jack said, taking the boy's hands in his. "Pitch made the wrong choice out of anger when he wanted to be believed in, and so did the Guardians, most likely out of embarrassment, when they didn't tell you about what he'd been, but I can swear to you that they didn't do it _knowingly._"

Jamie nodded. "I thought it might be something like that." he admitted. "Abby did explain a little. She said they didn't tell me because they were certain that man was gone and they didn't find it necessary to tell me and the others because he was gone and there was no hope for him."

"No, you misunderstand." Jack said, then he realized he sounded much more grown up than he ever had before. Whoa, talk about shock! Jack Frost, _the_ immortal teenager, was becoming responsible.

Jack absentmindedly wondered if Hell had frozen over lately.

_Blah! Gotta focus!_ He thought, shaking his head.

"Uh, Jack?" Jami asked uncertainly. His friend was staring at the space just above his head, his eyes unfocused. "Yo, earth to Jack Frost!"

Jack didn't noticed.

Jamie smirked and, with a mighty intake of breath, belted out the opening lines to a familiar Christmas song. "CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE, JACK FROST NIPPING AT YOUR-"

"OK OK I'm back!" Jack yelled almost as loudly, slapping his hand over his friend's mouth. "Just keep it down OK?"

Jamie smirked and licked Jack's hand.

"EWWWW!" Jack said, sounding like Cupcake when they were doing the squid dissections in science class and swiftly pulling his hand away, wiping it on Jamie's bedspread. "That's disgusting!"

Jamie smirked. "That's what you get when you space out." he said, then he regained his serious tone. "Jack," he said calmly. "I know the Guardians don't want to think about the side of Pitch that used to be good. They'd much rather it be a straightforward matter of beating the bad guy to a pulp and sending him back to the bed from whence he came."

Jack sniggered. "From whence he came? Jamie, you're spending waaay too much time around these writer-girls."

Jamie shook his head. "No, I'm just telling the truth."

Jack sighed. "You are indeed. Actually, your first guess was more on-target. From what Tooth and Sandy have told me, they didn't believe that there was a good man beneath all that darkness. After all these years, according to Sandy, it's still hard to believe that he hasn't been totally taken over by the Fearlings."

Jamie sighed and dropped his head into his hands. "God, after hearing Pitch's story I feel so bad for him. The guy only wanted to be believed in, but he did some seriously wrong stuff and-"

"No Jamie," Jack interrupted, putting a cold hand on the boy's shoulder, careful to keep his frost to himself. "The _Fearlings_ did the wrong stuff. Do you know about that too?" he asked, not sure how much Abby and that wiki thingy had told him.

Jamie nodded and raised his head. "Yeah, but he had a _consciousness._ He could've chosen not to."

"Jamie," Jack said quietly. "I don't think that the Pitch Black they knew was the same as the one we know. The one we know has had centuries of knowledge and powers in his experience. The other one, well," he paused. "We don't even know what those Fearlings told him when he woke up. He might've just been their puppet."

"And he didn't have his memories." Jamie pointed out, latching on eagerly to this new train of thought. "It said that he didn't remember anything about who he was, his wife, Sandy, or his daughter."

Jack nodded. "True. And that, as we both know, can mess with a person big-time."

He and Jamie shared a knowing look and Jack sighed again. "Man, if hearing Pitch's story makes me one thing, it's thankful that I was at least my own being. Sure, I was alone for a long time, but Pitch had monsters living inside his heart and whispering in his mind. I don't even know how old he is now, so I can't imagine how long he's had to deal with those monsters locked up inside him." Emotion had crept into Jack's voice and he found it difficult to speak. "It must've been horrifying for him."

Jamie nodded and they both sat together in silence for a bit. Jack started thinking seriously about if he hadn't been found by the Guardians, what he might've done. If Pitch had waited another hundred years, _would_ he have joined him? Undoubtedly. Would there be a world _at all_ after they were done with it? Doubtful. _Could_ humans live in an land of cold and dark forever? No.

Jamie was thinking about something altogether different and more difficult to answer.

What was going to happen next?

XXXXXXXXXX

After Jack left to go do whatever he was going to do, Sandy left to go do his job and he tried to persuade Tooth to go as well, but she refused to Leave Pitch's side.

"Sandy, I can't! I can't leave him." she said firmly. "What if he wakes up while we're both gone and thinks he's all alone again?"

Sandy sighed. He knew Tooth liked Pitch, but this was more of a motherly thing that a couple thing. She didn't want him to wake up alone and that would be a reasonable worry, if not for his magic sand keeping the Boogeyman asleep. True, it would be harder to control and harder to keep him asleep from a distance, but he thought he could do it. He'd been handling dreamsand and Stardust since before Pitch had been created, so he knew his limits. If he didn't go across the equator, Pitch would remain asleep.

Still, he knew that Tooth was just being her over-protective self and decided to humor her. He created a small pillow of dreamsand and, lifting Pitch's head a little bit, slid the pillow beneath his head. There. That would keep him asleep even if he _did_ go across the hemisphere, which he wouldn't. It would also relieve Tooth and give the Boogeyman more powerful good dreams, keeping the Fearlings that prowled on the edges of his memory at bay.

He told Tooth this in a quick flash of images and she nodded. "OK. Dawn's not that far away, so hurry Sandman."

Sandy gave a smart salute, then turned around and headed up the tunnel Jack had left by. Tooth sighed. Now it was just her and Pitch, alone again.

She sat in silence for about an hour, just stroking his head gently. He looked so peaceful it almost made her heart break to think of the things he'd done in the past.

"If you were awake," she said, giving him the affectionate motherly look she'd given Jack when he'd played innocent to being responsible for Jamie's lost Tooth. "You would probably think this were a dream. You know, me being here, caring for you, Sandy, Jack. All a weird dream."

Pitch's face was scrunched up again when she pulled her hand away and she replaced her cool hand on his slightly warm forehead. He instantly relaxed and she laughed. "That is so cute." she said, beaming down at him. "It's like he can sense me."

"I think he can," Abby's voice said. Tooth didn't even look up.

"Hello Abby." she said. "You really think so?"

"Yeah, I kinda do. I think he's remembering his wife and daughter and when he feels your hand, he thinks it's one of them. He feels safe and calm around you, Tooth."

Tooth smiled and stroked his face. "I think you're right." she said quietly.

"He he. He's like a carnival toy." Abby said. "Push equals smile, none-push equals frown. He he."

Tooth rolled her eyes. "Oh Abby." she said, giving her the affectionate-mother look as well.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?!" Abby burst out, prompting Tooth to shake her finger at her.

"Maybe it's because you keep doing things like that! Shh!" she ordered. "You said you had things to do before allowing him to wake up, so why don't you go do them?"

"I did already." Abby said. "They are happening as I speak."

Tooth blinked, her stern expression wavering. "What?"

"In truth, I only needed to do two things. One of them was to check what happened while I was gone, which was very entertaining I might add, and the other was to get Jack and Jamie to make up. They have, and so my work is done for a bit. Everything else should happen smoothly and without my intervention. Now, if you want to allow him to wake up, you can. Just take the pillow away and whisper his name gently in his ear. Oh, and you might want to roll him over so that he won't freak out and try to sit bolt upright."

Tooth allowed herself a snigger. "Yeah, that would be quite amusing, if very painful for him." she muttered, but she took Abby's advice and rolled his body over, making sure not to roll him completely off the couch in the process, and gently eased his face up. He was smiling slightly and, when she put her hand on his chest again, his smile broadened.

"I swear, it's like he knows it's me!" Tooth said, gently tilting his head up and sliding the pillow out from underneath his head. His hair was still slick with sweat and his face instantly scrunched up when the pillow was removed.

"Hurry, the Fearlings are coming back!" Abby told her.

Tooth nodded and bent down until her face was right next to Pitch's ear. "Pitch. Pitch wake up." she said, keeping her other hand on her chest. "Pitch, you have to come back to me. Wake up."

The Boogeyman started moving, but his eyes didn't open. The lids flickered, but that was probably because of the nightmares he was having, now that the dreamsand pillow had been taken away. His face scrunched up again and he opened his mouth, but Tooth couldn't hear the word.

"Pitch," she said, shaking his shoulder slightly. "Pitch, wake up! Please wake up! You have to come back to us now."

"Tooth, kiss him!" Abby said suddenly.

Tooth's head swiveled to stare up at the invisible camera. "_What?!_" she demanded. "Are you crazy?"

"Partially, yes." Abby admitted. "Now, hurry up and kiss him before the Fearlings take over again!"

Tooth stared at the camera, then looked down at Pitch. Things were running through her head at the speed of light. Thoughts, worries and expressions flashed across her face. Thoughts like, _I can't do something like that! _whirled in her mind._ What if he finds out! What if the others find out? Well, _Tooth thought, smiling for the briefest instant._ Jack and Sandy already know, so not much damage there. _Tooth shook herself and looked up at the camera. She was confused beyond belief and decided to go for the quickest way out. Indignation.

"I can't just kiss an unconscious man!"

"One, he's not a man." Abby said. "Two, you didn't have any qualms about it before, so why should you now?"

"That was different!" Tooth said exasperatedly. _How_ had she gone from talking to him while he was still asleep to being ordered to _kiss_ him?!

"How is it different?" Abby demanded. "Listen, if you don't do something to jolt him back to this reality, he's going to revert back to the puppet he was when the Fearlings first took hold of him."

"How does that work?!" Tooth said, aghast.

"Pitch hasn't had this much sleep in a long time," Abby explained quickly. "When he does sleep, his memories of being the Nightmare King take on a life of their own and, until he wakes up, he's stuck in a never-ending loop of terrible memories. The reason for this is because the Fearlings want to take him over again and use him like they did when he was first created. That's the reason he doesn't sleep, because he knows what they're trying to do and he doesn't want that evil to effect the world." she paused and then Tooth heard Abby sigh.

"That was one of the dangers of asking Sandy to keep him asleep." she explained. "If he stayed asleep too long, even with Sandy's powers keeping the Fearlings away, they will still feed on his memories that he was dreaming about, be they good or bad, and if they did that they would gain more power. Most Fearlings only feed on fear, but these ones have adapted to Pitch in such away that, when he goes to sleep, they can manipulate his memories and dreams, turning them into Nightmares and sticking him into that loop of angry memories, like I said. The Fearlings are angry at being controlled by Pitch and they want things back the way they were."

Tooth's eyes were wide and she felt a vise on her chest squeezing on her heart. "You mean-" she gasped.

"Yes! That unless you jolt him awake now he will wake up on his own and he will not be the Boogeyman we know. He will try to kill you because he will not remember you. The Fearlings will see to that."

"But- but why do I have to _kiss_ him?!" Tooth stammered desperately. "Why can't I, I dunno, zap him with a cattle prod?!"

Abby sighed. "Tooth, Pitch doesn't have time for you to argue. Kissing him and jolting him back to the present from whatever hell the Fearlings had ready for him when the dreamsand wore off is the only way to make sure it's really him."

"But-" Tooth protested weakly.

"Tooth, just do it!" Abby ordered.

Tooth hesitated for another second. Pitch's body was becoming more agitated and his face was turning dark. Should she? Shouldn't she?

"TOOTH!"

"OK!" Tooth shouted and, without hesitation, bent down and kissed Pitch Black full on the mouth.

The second their lips touched, Tooth felt a crackle of electricity between them that made her feathers raise. She felt warmth flowing through their connected bodies and she closed her eyes. Who knew kissing the Boogeyman could be so _good_. She moved her hands over his shoulders and held him in place gently. She could feel him waking up and she held her lips against his, not too forcefully, but just enough to let him know _Hey, I'm here and I need you. Wake up!_

After about a minute, she felt him moving and she knew he was awake now. She felt his lips shift. He was kissing her back. She smiled and allowed her eyes to open slowly, expecting to see his closed ones and his eyes flickering beneath the lids. Instead, she found herself looking into a pair of gorgeous eclipse eyes. Tooth pulled away from him slightly, staring into his amazed face. His eyes were wide and his mouth hung open in stunned amazement.

"T- Tooth?" he stammered, staring into her eyes.

"Hello Pitch." Tooth whispered. Their faces were about three inches apart. Oh gods, his eyes were blurry and the way he was staring at her was so cute! Like he was still in a dream.

Then, of course, he _ruined_ the moment when he asked, "Where's my robe?"


	20. Far Underneath Pitch's Caverns Cold

**Hi peoples! Iam so sorry I haven't updated in a while, but I have a legitimate excuse. School.  
**

**OK, so you know all that crap I've been saying about me not having to go to school? It was utter BS. CALL ME A LIAR AND MAKE ME SPEND AN ETERNITY ON YOUR SHIP. **

**he he. sorry. I can't help it.**

**Anyway, I don't have much time here so I'm going to keep this short: My mom doesn't want me, in her words, "Sitting on your ass all day at a freaking screen while there is a _thousand_ other things you could be doing out there!" I love my mom, but she knows that writing is my life. Luckily I only have to take minor Math classes out of an old text book and mixing explosions with Fiona Glennan. ;) I still get plenty of time to write. **

**That being said, I also have had to adjust my update scheduled. I know, you didn't think I had one did you? Well, I do. It is now every Saturday, if I can managed it. I don't know for certain, but I think I can swing it. If I don't update, well, sorry. This fic's almost over anyway, so don't get your panties in a bunch. Or boxers, whatever works.**

**OK, well, I don't have much more room here because of the chapter length so I'm just going to tell you that I love you all and thank you so freaking much for the reviews! Almost three hundred! I _cannot_ believe it! It amazes me that a fic that was destined to be a one-shot got so much attention! **

**To those of you who comforted my friend Dragoscilvio in the events of the previous week, thank you. Your support meant a lot to her.**

**OK, here we go!**

* * *

Pitch Black had never had a restful night. Never, in all the years he'd been alive.

The night Abby had 'ordered' him to sleep for ten hours was the close he'd ever come to a calm and relaxing sleep. One that hadn't been controlled by monsters. The reason for this was obvious of course. Pitch had never fallen asleep under the influence of dreamsand. No, it had always been Nightmares and Fearlings that had run through his sleeping consciousness, and he had never felt the pleasant experience of gentle sleep.

The second he closed his eyes he could see his nightmares taking the shapes of memories of his past, scenes where he tortured other beings with his Nightmare Sand and took great pleasure in scaring the living daylights out of young children.

He wasn't proud of these visions and they even made him feel guilty- which was the aim of the Fearlings which sent them, but they were _nothing_ compared to the visions he was getting more and more these days. The ones with a woman with bright green eyes and a smile that he found oddly comforting, along with a little girl in a green dress with raven-black hair and shining golden-silver eyes.

_His_ eyes, he always thought.

_Those_ visions were the unbearable ones. The ones where he could see nothing but happy things. It made him feel quite sick. Sick with longing, sick with anger, and even sick with agitation. It made him nervous when he began to see these visions, but he gradually got used to them because of how short the visions were, in comparison to some of his other night-terrors.

The happy visions were a source of anger for him because of their content. He always saw that woman and that girl, and they always looked happy. He would watch them smiling and dancing, making food in a kitchen, and sometimes they even tried to talk to him, as if he was part of their family. The dreams seemed to spring up randomly and he didn't know where they'd come from. Many visions of dancing with the little girl and of embracing the woman with the bright green eyes.

It was always those two, along with a short man with golden hair that Pitch vaguely thought looked like Sanderson.

Currently, he was in the middle of one of those visions, watching the little girl and the short man laughing and walking along a forest track. He couldn't see much of their surroundings, but he knew that it was dark. The girl and the man were walking hand in hand and they looked like old friends, casually strolling through the dark wood.

Pitch just watched them with amusement, trailing slowly behind them. This dream was a bit confusing, but at least it didn't have that woman. That woman always gave him a strange, cold feeling in his chest. Like he had seen the woman somewhere apart from his dreams and had done her some dreadful wrong.

He shook his head and ignored this thought. It was ridiculous. He couldn't have seen her before. She was just a part of the Fearling's strange repertoire, nothing but a vision. An illusion.

Pitch continued to follow the two, listening to them. For some reason, the girl and the man's voices were slightly garbled and he could only make out every other word.

"I love- _mumble mumble _walk- _mumble_ forest." the little girl said.

Pitch assumed she was commenting on how much she loved walking in the deep, dark forest.

The man just nodded. Apparently he disliked talking as much as the Sandman Pitch knew did.

"When- _mumble_ Papa be back?" the little girl asked.

The short man said something in a strange language that Pitch didn't recognize, but his response was obviously disheartening because the girl's shoulders slumped and she looked sad.

"_Why_? Why does he- _mumble _go away?" the girl asked. Pitch could hear the sadness and depression lacing her voice and he felt sorry for the girl, even if she as just an illusion.

Pitch knew that the best way to wait out these strange and confusing illusions was to just watch and listen, which afforded him no answers and usually ended with him talking to himself, asking why they continued to plague him and just what their aim was, but at least it made them go faster and that meant he would be awake sooner.

The man shrugged and she pouted, then Pitch began to feel the ground swaying beneath his feet. He wasn't unduly worried. He knew he was just being pushed into yet another strange dream.

When he opened his eyes- which he hadn't known he'd shut, he found himself sitting in front of a fire in a shadowy house that he could barely make out and the little girl was on his lap with her little legs dangling off to the side and giggling. Pitch frowned. This was the first time he'd actually _touched_ one of the other occupants of his dreams. In all the other ones, they had just walked and talked. Occasionally they talked to him and he didn't reply, but he'd never _touched_ either of them.

Pitch looked at her. Her little hands were clasped in her lap and she was smiling widely at him. The smile said, _You keep me safe. You take care of me. _And yet Pitch couldn't ever remember seeing this little girl, apart from in his dreams.

W_ell of course I would never have seen her, _he told himself, trying not to look into the little girl's adoring eyes. _Any more that I have seen that woman._ It wasn't as if the girl and that woman were _real_ and part of some unknown memory he had forgotten. No, that was ridiculous. They were just another vision conjured up from the deepest recesses of his mind. Another teasing vision that the Fearlings sent him to give him hope, make him feel the emotions of a father and a man with a family, and then wake him up and make him realize there was no chance he would ever have such a wonderful thing.

It was cruel, but it was no less than he deserved for the things he'd done.

Pitch sighed and looked at the girl again. Thinking of the past just made him angry, so he stopped. But he couldn't stop himself from thinking about the dreams.

Why was he suddenly having them? _How_ was the real question he wanted to know the answer to, but he didn't think he would actually get that answer. _Why_ was a good enough start.

_Why_ did he keep getting these strange visions of happiness? Did he really want a family so badly that the Fearlings thought it would be fun to tease him and torment him with false memories and promises of love and joy? Apparently so, because they continued showing him these visions of pain under the guise of joy. It tried to lie to him and say that these were real, but he didn't believe it.

And yet. . .

Pitch lowered his head. He couldn't look into the little girl's eyes. Something in this latest vision had started whispering in his ear that that _wasn't_ true. That these _were_ something more than wishful thinking and dreams.

Pitch didn't want to believe it, but he couldn't help himself thinking that It honestly did feel like a real joyous, happy memory. Then he shook his head. He wouldn't allow himself to indulge in this foolishness. He knew very well that this as just the seductive magic of the Fearlings. They showed you what you wanted to see and then you got lost in their illusions, running around like a small child after shadows.

"Sound familiar?" Pitch muttered. Of course it had been from them that he had perfected the trick of manipulating shadows and making people think there were doors where there weren't and visa versa. It was from them that he had learned the methods he'd used on Jack Frost, those months ago in his lair. Of course. He'd learned _everything_ from those monsters and eventually had become one of them.

"NO!" He hissed to himself. "I am not a monster! Not anymore!"

The little girl seemed not to notice and when he looked up at her, even though she was just a figment, Pitch couldn't help feeling happy when he saw the her smiling at him. It felt strangely good to have another being smile because of him, rather than scream in terror. Sometimes he really got sick of all that screaming.

He smiled back.

A woman's voice suddenly called to him in a strange language he didn't know and he felt himself turn away from the happy little girl to look in the direction of the voice. It was the woman with the green eyes that featured so prominently in his dreams. She was smiling at him and he saw a strange look in her eyes, which were bright and shining with tears. Not sad ones, but happy ones and the expression on her face. . . was that Joy he saw in her eyes? Happiness? _Love_?

The girl giggled and leaned her head against his chest. Pitch tore his eyes away from the woman who was looking at him and looked down at the girl, wondering if she was scared of something. He was about to raise his hand and put it on her hair in what he assumed was the correctly comforting manner for a parent to do to their scared child, when he noticed something and frowned. He wasn't wearing his normal black robe.

Pitch raised his hand and looked at it. It was covered in a thin, black leather glove and on both of his arms were strapped a pair of gauntlets that were molded to his forearm-shape. The gauntlets were black with golden twisting designs inlaid on the metal. The designs were like vines and stars, shooting up his arm and winding around the edge. No smith or metal-worker in the modern world could make such a piece, he knew that for certain. It as a beautiful piece and he looked farther down at himself.

Strapped to his chest was a gold plated chest-piece that connected to straps over his shoulders, under his arms and he imagined were belted into place at his back. It was black and gold, same as the gauntlets. He looked down even farther and saw that he was wearing a pair of black pants and a pair of golden bracers ere strapped to his legs. They had the same design as the chest plate and the gauntlets, stars and vines and, as Pitch pushed the little girl gently away form his chest, he saw that the chest-piece was decorated with a shining golden crescent moon.

He stared at his hands, at his arms, at the sturdy golden-black boots that had his pants tucked into them so he wouldn't trip and he stared at the little girl giggling on his lap. She was smiling at him and he smiled uncertainly back at her.

"Papa!" she said, picking up his gloved hand. "Tell me a story Papa!"

Pitch felt the amazement that had blossomed in his chest when he saw the intricate armor decorating his body plummet into the pit of his stomach. He sighed and hung his head.

There. That did it. Now he couldn't get away from the fact that this was just another illusion. That it really _was_ the Fearlings playing around with his mind and not a memory he just couldn't remember. He'd had a hope, a foolish hope, that it might be such a thing, but this new development brought his hoped crashing down around his head. It wasn't true, just like he'd always known in his heart.

Imagining that the little girl and the woman were real was easy, owing to how realistic they looked, but it was the idea of the little girl being his daughter that tipped him off to this being completely fabricated. It was just too much. He hadn't _ever_ had any family and, unless a miracle happened, he probably never would.

Pitch sighed again. He knew better than to reply to the girl and so he just kept silent. She pressed him for a story, but he ignored her. Then, after a while, the floor of the room began to shift and Pitch sighed with relief. They knew he wasn't going to be broken by a little girl asking him for a story and so they were changing it to something worse than a this. He sighed and waited for the world around him to change, but before it changed he was suddenly jerked to his feet, knocking the little girl off of his lap.

She landed hard and started to cry and he instantly felt bad, wishing he could pick her up and cradle her in his arms, even if she was just an illusion, but he couldn't. His body was unable to move and he tried to open his mouth to scream or even to _apologize_, but he was cruely ripped from the girl and the woman and transported back into the familiar nightmares.

_Of course. _He thought angrily, feeling the armor meld into his usual black robe and his body was constricted into the form of a bent, pitiful being. _Now I know without a doubt that it's just the Fearlings messing with me. They give me a little hope and I, stupid fool that I am, believe in it. Bunnymund is probably laughing right now._

Pitch chuckled darkly as he was pushed into another dream- no, this time he was sure it was a Nightmare. The Nightmare began with him bent double, his head facing the ground and his hands clasped over his chest. He blinked in surprise and wondered why he was acting like he was in such pain, but before he could try to straighten up and look around he felt a strong arm clamp it's hand around his wrist. He looked up and blanched.

He was looking into the familiar face of a young woman. She was wearing a green dress and her hair was raven-black. Her skin was pale, her eyes were fiery, and she had a look of utter disgust on her face.

_It's the girl! _Pitch realized. _The one who was on my lap!_

She had the same face, the same hair, and only her eyes were different. They were a brilliant green, not as green as Bunnymund's eyes and yet much brighter. That little girl, Sophie, Jamie Benett's sister, had eyes like this woman's. Fern-green, bright, and yet more angry than he'd ever seen a pair of eyes. She had steel in them and Pitch knew he was about to be severely hurt, even if he didn't know why.

Pitch opened his mouth to yell, but the woman clamped her other hand on the same arm, wrenched it with a strength he hadn't thought she'd possessed, and threw him into a tree.

"Get out!" the woman shouted, striding towards him. A green aura crackled around her and the wind began to pick up, causing the dead leaves of the forest to whirl around her and the sun was blotted out by clouds. The lack of light give her a terrifying effect, shadowing all but those furious eyes.

Pitch moaned and raised his head. "Wait-" he croaked, trying to raise his hand but the imaginary pain caused him to double up, breathing hard.

"GET AWAY FROM MY FAMILY!" she bellowed and, pulling her fist back to gain some power, slammed it into his cheek.

Pitch felt his head swim with the imaginary pain and he cried out, falling to his knees. What was going on?! Why was this woman, the child who called him 'Papa' beating him to a bloody pulp?! Why did she insist on pounding him like a sack of flour?! And why, _in the name of all darkness,_ was he in the middle of a forest instead of up against the tree he'd been an instant ago?

Pitch braced his hands against the earth and felt his head pounding. It was so hard for him to tell himself that it was just the influence of the Fearlings, making his head turn like this. He wasn't really in pain, though if he'd fallen asleep in an uncomfortable position he might wake up with an aching back or a sore shoulder or neck. He sighed and wished this nightmare would end. It was too confusing! The girl, the man, the woman who had been the girl, her calling him Papa, the strange voice that told him _this isn't just a dream! You should listen!_

It was all so confusing that he hated thinking about it while in one of these dreams, but he couldn't stop himself. _Were_ these visions of another life? _Were_ they just figments, created by the Fearlings to toy with his mind? He didn't know anything for sure when it came to his own mind, but he still couldn't shake the feeling that these were more than torturous visions designed to drive him insane.

He rubbed his face with one hand. It was so damn confusing! Why did these weird dreams keep on cropping up so many times in his sleep, especially now? What had be done to deserve this?!

"Apart from everything," Pitch moaned. Shudders racked his body but before he could try to stand up, voices began to wail and scream in his head; The human voices of people he'd scared and the disembodies voices of the Fearlings as they laughed and taunted him.

_Look how easily we move your hand, _they laughed. _You obey us, and no one else. You have no will, no voice. We own you._

_"NO!"_ he shouted, feeling his head beginning to pound with a headache. A real one, this time. He could tell the difference between an imaginary headache and a real one and this one was certainly real. It didn't surprise him that he was getting a headache. What with all the confusion whirling around in his mind, it was no wonder. "I am my own being! I am _not_ your instrument!" he screamed, clenching his fists into the dirt of the dark forest floor.

_Don't lie to yourself, Pitch Black. _The voices jeered. _You are our instrument and we will do with you what we will. You have no voice and no way to stop us._

Pitch put his hands over his ears and growled, "Stop it, stop it stoppit!" he was screaming louder and louder with each word and after all he'd just witnessed, he just wanted to lapse back into the dreamless and nightmare-less sleep where he could see nothing but gray fog. "I am Pitch Black! I am the Nightmare King!" he howled.

_You are what we made you,_ the Fearlings said angrily. They didn't like when he fought back, which he was doing more and more often since he'd been brought down by the Guardians and Jack Frost. _We are the ones who made you what you are today._

"Yes." Pitch said bitterly, regaining some of his old temperament. "You made me a monster!"

He could almost hear the amusement in the creatures who plagued his sleeping hours and feasted on his heart. _You did that quite on your own. _They said._ We only gave you the power to do so._

"Get out of my head!" Pitch ordered, stumbling into a tree and feeling the Fearlings begin to laugh. He clutched his head and leaned up against the tree, his forehead touching the smooth, cool bark. "Get out of my head!"

_Oh, but we aren't in your head_. The Fearlings whispered maliciously. _We're in your **heart**!_

Pitch felt a sudden stab of wrenching pain in his chest and he screamed aloud, his hands flying to his heart. He put pressure on the spot and groaned in pain, but the stabbing just increased. He dropped to his knees and howled in pain at the Moon who was hanging overhead, laughing and smiling down at him.

"HELP ME!" he begged, staring up at the moon with tears streaming down his face. Emotions were pushing so hard against his heart that he was afraid it might break! His face was blotchy and a ruddy hue of pink and his eyes were wide. He felt disgusted with himself, but that didn't outweigh the pain and emotions that were wracking his body. It disgusted him that this was all it took, a few pathetic illusions, to bring down the mighty Nightmare King.

_You don't deserve his help. _The Fearlings said spitefully, reading his mind. _You're a pathetic worm._

"PLEASE!" Pitch begged, clasping his hands over his heart and imploring the moon to help him. He didn't care anymore! He would even be willing to accept help from the moon, if he would give it. But he knew that he wouldn't. The moon held no pity for him. If he had, then he wouldn't have left him to fend for himself for all those decades at the mercy of the Fearlings.

_Pitch?_ a voice spoke up from the darkness around him, suddenly shaking himself out of his fearful state.

Pitch jumped to his feet and stared around wildly. "H- hello?" Pitch whispered, staring with wide, tear-filled eyes.

_Pitch wake up._ The voice said. Pitch stared. It was a beautiful female voice, one that he recognized. Was it the woman from his dream? Was it some other woman? Pitch felt the gentle pressure of a hand on his chest. He looked down and there, floating without an arm to hold it up or a body attached, was a small feathered hand, touching his skin through the fabric of the robe he wore.

_Pitch, you have to come back to me. _The woman's voice said and suddenly, Pitch felt himself transported into a different dream. It was that woman, the one with the black hair and green eyes, holding him by the shoulders. He was wearing the armor again and he had a giant golden scythe in his left hand. He could feel the rough material against his skin and the smooth feeling of the scythe in his hand. The sensations were nothing but a dim illusion. Or maybe a slowly recollected memory. He wasn't sure.

"You have to come back to me." she said, standing on tip-toes to kiss his cheek.

Pitch felt the feeling of the woman's lips on his cheek and he closed his eyes, wishing he could lose himself in this beautiful dream.

_Wake up._

Pitch opened his eyes slowly. It was the same voice as before and he wished he could know who's voice it was.

Then, as if the strange voice could hear him, a strange, shimmering form appeared over the woman's shoulder. Pitch stared.

It was a beautiful woman, with feathers covering her skin and eyes like twin pools of Arabian silk. Pitch stared, dumbstruck into her face. It was a pale face with small line of Indian-style henna tattoo dots under each eye and long lashes. Her lashes looked like long fingers moving up and down with each blink, waving at him. There was a golden feather sticking up like a crown in the center of her forehead and several smaller golden feathers making up the rest of her crown.

She had other-colored feathers in her crown too. Green ones, light blue ones, golden ones and many more beautiful shades that he couldn't name. Her eyes were slightly teary and the shining twin amethyst pools were pulling him into them like two whirlpools. He was powerless to resist the pull of the beautiful fairy woman's eyes.

"Tooth." he whispered.

"You have to come back to me, Pitch." Tooth whispered and Pitch felt all the surrounding illusions slowly drip away like water dripping on paint until all that was left was him, in his robe, and the phantom-Toothiana hovering with her dragonfly-wings beating like a low hum. She had a smile on her face, but it was a slightly sad smile and Pitch felt his own smile droop, though he didn't know why. It was like whatever emotions she showed, he should show two. If she was happy, he felt he should be too. If she was mad, he would make the object of her anger rue the day it made her distraught. If she was sad. . .

"Don't be sad, Toothiana. Please." he said, stepping closer. With each step he remembered what had happened right before he'd fallen unconscious. He had taken a swipe from a giant poison spider and he had blacked out. Whatever she had done during his unconsciousness, she was trying to call him back to her now. She wanted him to come back to her, just like that other woman.

"I'm coming back." Pitch promised. "Just tell me how!"

Then, without another word, Tooth leaned in and kissed him on the lips.

Pitch felt fire erupt between them as his lips touched hers and he felt her hands moving over his bare shoulders. She was holding him tightly and he kissed her back, just because he felt like she needed it. Maybe then she wouldn't be sad.

Tooth pulled away after a long, long moment of kissing, and as she stared into his face he realized something. He wasn't standing up any more.

Pitch frowned and looked down. He was laying on his back against the familiar black leather material of his couch with Tooth hovering at his side. Why was he on his couch? That was a strange kind of dream. Better still, why on earth did he not have his robe on? His back was cold- which he had no explanation for, and he could see a familiar black rock ceiling behind Tooth. He was home! He was awake!

How? He wondered, looking from Tooth to his bare chest. Why? Had Toothiana woken him up with that kiss, like in that fairy-tale with the spinning wheel? He felt like smiling and so he did, giving her an uncertain smile. After a while, he opened his mouth.

"T- Tooth?" he said quietly, unable to keep the stammer out of his voice. He was slightly nervous. He hadn't been this close to her, ever. She was even more beautiful up close and he couldn't help but staring straight into her Arabian silk eyes. She was no longer sad and she looked much more solid that before he had kissed her. _Of course _she was! This was the real Tooth, after all!

_Or it she might not be, _the Fearlings whispered in his ear. _It might all just be a lovely dream!_

_Oh shut up._ He told them. _I'm awake now, so stop trying to lie to me._

_Oh, we can't do that Pitch. Sorry. _They sounded almost regretful, but Pitch knew they were still the same monsters begging to be set free. That he would never do.

"Hello Pitch." Tooth said, shaking him out of his mental argument with himself. He raised his head again to look at her, feeling her hands on his shoulders gently and she looked so happy that Pitch decided to forget his questions for now. There would be plenty of time to ask her what had happened while he'd been gone, and so he decided to just ask the most innocent question he could think of.

"Where's my robe?" he asked with a small smile.

She looked at him as if he'd asked the location of King Solomon's mines. Her feathery eyebrows shot up and she stared at him with such a look of incredulity that he leaned back a few inches.

"What?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows and looking completely flummoxed as to why she would be staring at him in such a way.

"The fact that you have to ask," another female voice said, making him jump. "Is highly, _highly_ sad Pitch."

Pitch frowned and looked up. "Um, hello?" he asked, staring up at the ceiling. He didn't know of any other female spirits- apart from Mother Nature, who seemed to like avoiding him for some unknown reason, and he was slightly confused as to why Tooth would have another female spirit here. Perhaps to help dress his wound?

Pitch's frowned deepened. Wait, wound? He had a wound?

He looked down. His chest was completely unblemished and he felt a stab of pride at the sight of his firm chest. It had taken him a while to earn these muscles. Three weeks doing pushups and pull ups in the small, improvised gym he'd made after the first week of imprisonment in his caves. He'd even lifted a few weights, just to see what would happen. The result had been a surprisingly strong six-pack and much stronger arms that he was sure he had ever had.

Pitch shook his head slightly, pushing his mind back to the question at hand. Had he had a wound or hadn't he? He shifted slightly and felt a sharp stab of pain at the small of his back. Yep, that was a wound. And it hurt!

"Pitch," the female voice said. "I know you're probably confused, but I need you to try and remember what happened to you before you fell unconscious."

Pitch frowned. "How do you know about that?" he asked suspiciously.

The female voice- Pitch thought it sounded young -sighed. "Pitch, it's Abby." she said earnestly. "Remember? I've known you for about two weeks and I've been your friend for about a few days."

Pitch frowned, but the girl's voice plowed on.

"I got Tooth here, I talked her up to you. I helped her while you were unconscious with my moral support and medical knowledge." she said. She sounded strangely desperate.

_Why would she be desperate?_ Pitch wondered, kneading his forehead to try and think of who this girl was. _Was she a good friend? Did he like her_?

"Please Pitch, you've got to remember me." she begged. "Please!"

Pitch's eyes were vacant as he tried to recall this strange girl. Abby. The name sounded familiar, and the voice was beginning to jog something in his memories. Pitch rubbed his head more forcefully. His memories were strange, muddled things, especially after being stuck in those nightmares. His mind was always slightly foggy when he woke up, which was why he didn't go to sleep that often, and it took him a while to remember what he'd been doing before he fell asleep.

"Pitch?" Tooth said, shaking his arm gently. "Do you remember?"

Pitch blinked, then he pulled out of his foggy memories and shook his head. He could only see and hear snippets of the girl and Toothiana. "It might take me a whi-" he said, but he was interrupted by Abby singing at the top of her lungs.

"DANCE! DANCE! Uh uh! BOOGEYWONDERLAAAAAAND!"

"ABBY!" Pitch yelled before he could stop himself and, just like that, his memories were back. He moaned and covered his ears. "Oh moon, did you have to do _that?!_"

Tooth was giving the ceiling where the speaker was and where Abby was looking down on them a completely blank look. "What..." she said, staring from the moaning Pitch to the invisible camera. "The hell... was _that_?!"

Abby started giggling. "Oh, don't worry about it Tooth. I haven't lost my mind quite yet."

"_Haven't_ lost it?!" Pitch demanded, uncovering his ears. His memories were re-filling his mind slowly and he was slightly grateful that they were in fact back, but he was still irritated with Abby for using _that song _to jolt his memories and so he smirked and replied with a snarky comeback. "I thought that morass you call a mind had hitchhiked to Alabama long ago."

Tooth frowned at him. Obviously she wasn't used to hearing him say anything except threats and monologging.

Pitch smirked as he remembered the first time he'd spoken to Abby. She'd asked him-no, _begged_ him, to stop monologging and he'd done so with a smile on his face.

"See! He's back to his old self, and all thanks to me!" Abby said proudly. "I thought that I would have to intervene to get his memories back, and the best way to do that is to either give him an electric shock, or to reenact a memory that the person in question would be sure to remember. Pitch and I shared a rather fun discussion about that song a few days ago and I knew he would remember it."

Pitch rolled his eyes. Oh yes, he remembered her now. He remembered _everything_. Abby, Tooth, the spider, the wound, the way he'd fallen asleep on Tooth-

Pitch's eyes widened. His heart leaped into his throat and he let out a moan.

"Oh darkness," he groaned. "_Toothiana_!"

Tooth frowned and instantly jumped to attention, moving the stool she was seated on closer to him and laying her hand on his shoulder to comfort him. "What's wrong?" she asked kindly. He sounded really distressed by something.

Pitch winced when she touched his shoulder and he grimaced, turning his head to look away from her. His face was red. He was thinking, rather angrily, about how he had zonked out on her and left her to deal with him. It was rude and the worst possible first impression for when you wanted to try and apologize to someone, not to mention very embarrassing.

"Are you in pain?" she asked, noticing the different coloring on his cheeks. Worry was lacing her voice and, before Pitch could respond she raised both of her hands to the shoulder on her side and pressed it like a masseur to test for pain.

Pitch let out a sharp, barking laugh which shocked Tooth so much that she jumped slightly and her hands whipped back to her sides. "No, Toothiana, I'm fine." he said, turning his head to look at her. A light pink blush was tinging her cheeks and he thought how pretty that made her look. Then he mentally smacked himself. "Physically anyway. I was just- ah," his face regained the ruddy pink coloring and he tried to stop himself from stammering. "I just recalled the events that led to my, ah, current position."

Tooth frowned. "Um, OK." she said uncertainly. "And _why_ would that why would that be a cause of distress for you?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Abby said, sniggering. "He's embarrassed about his lack of manliness- er, _spirit-_ness, when he fell unconscious in your arms. I'm fairly certain he assumed your roles would be reversed and you would be the one falling asleep by the time you two were done talking in _his_ arms."

"ABBY!" Pitch said, his face glowing ruddy pink. He didn't look Tooth in the eye. In fact, he didn't even look at her at all. He was too embarrassed. That was exactly what he's been hoping, after they got things straightened out of course.

Tooth frowned. Then, when Abby's words began to sink in, the frown vanished and she smiled warmly, putting a hand on Pitch's shoulder. "Pitch," she said, whispering in his ear, sounding a little _more_ than gentle. She smiled, knowing full well that she was getting more and more comfortable acting like this and it didn't bother her. After all those years of playing the kind mother-figure, it felt good to act like a _real_ woman again!

Pitch turned his head slightly until one eye was looking at her. "Yes?" he said quietly.

Tooth smiled. "You don't have to be embarrassed." she said, leaning in and giving him a small peck on the cheek. "I don't care."

Pitch rolled his eyes and was about to mutter something about him trying to be polite, but Tooth cupped her hand underneath his chin and turned his face to face her. Oh darkness, her face was growing more beautiful each time he looked at it!

"Pitch, just forget about it, OK?" she said. "Honestly, my emotions are so muddled up now that I don't mind whatever you would've done. OK? So just forget about it and let's move on."

Pitch rolled his eyes again and said, "It's a matter of pride, Toothiana."

Tooth rolled her own eyes. "Swallow your pride." she ordered sternly, then she smiled and let her hand drop form his surprisingly strong jaw. "I know you can do it." she teased.

Pitch sighed. After all he'd gone through- viewing the dreams, viewing the Nightmares, listening to Abby, worrying about what Tooth would say to him, reading the fanfiction stories and hiding from the Guardians, he realized that he didn't have much dignity or pride left. He really, really didn't.

"Alright." he said, figuring that he might as well give up now before Abby interjected. As much as he viewed her as his friend, who says all friends are best friends? "Alright, I give in."

Tooth slapped her hands and smiled. He instantly felt better. "Great!" she said, throwing her arms around his shoulders and hugging him tightly.

She recoiled almost instantly.

"Oh EW!" she said, flying backwards and looking at her arms with disgust. "Ugh! You're all sweaty."

Pitch laughed. "I just woke up from a seriously disturbing nightmare." he said, smiling. "It's common-place to have bodily excretions."

Tooth wrinkled her nose. "That's gross." she stated.

Pitch shrugged. "It's just the way things are." he said, then he raised his head and gave her a wicked look. "You know, I wouldn't say no to a quick bath." he said, smiling.

Tooth's eyes widened and certain thoughts flashed into her head. These thoughts included, _Oh moon, please moon yes, _and _bad girl! NO thinking like that!_

"Um, can't you wait?" she asked, subconsciously allowing her eyes to drift down to his bare chest. "Surely you would rather learn about what happened while you were asleep?

Pitch shook his head. "Oh, I know you'll tell me eventually." he said. "Right now, the only thing I want is to clean myself up." he raised his hand and felt his hair. It was floppy and shiny with grease and oil.

Tooth smiled, remembering when she'd rapped her knuckles on the slick spikes. "What was that stuff you put in it?" she asked, nodding at his hair. "It was hard as a rock before you started sweating and that practically liquified it."

"Hair gel." Pitch said, feeling his head and then looking at his hand with oil on it with disgust. "I forget the brand, but whatever it was I know I'm _never_ going to use it again."

Tooth couldn't stop herself from smiling. She sighed. "Alright, alright." she said, standing up. Her feet lifted off the ground easily and she bobbed up and down impatiently. "Come on, let's go."

Pitch blinked, his attention diverted from his hair for the moment. "Really?" he asked, surprised.

"Yes." Tooth sighed submissively. "You're right. You look like a limp cat. And you're shivering!" she added, noticing his arms shaking slightly.

Pitch looked at his own arms. They were cold to the touch and indeed they were shivering. "Yes, so it appears I am." he said. "Now, Toothiana, if you would be so kind. . ." he held out his hands.

Tooth snorted. "Try and get up yourself before I have to carry you, you big baby." she said scornfully, but Pitch could hear the teasing in her voice. He was unused to someone teasing him, but he just laughed and nodded, swinging his legs off of the couch. After not moving for so long, it felt good to bend his legs. It also felt good to laugh again.

Pitch placed his feet slowly on the ground, feeling the earth beneath his bare feet. Lately he'd taken to wearing a different kind of pants. This new kind leg-wear did not had socks attached- honestly, Pitch didn't have a clue why he'd worn anything but normal pants and shoes before! -and so he'd been forced to learn how to wear shoes. He didn't like it, and so he went shoeless most of the time he was in his lair.

"You can do it," Tooth said encouragingly. "If you fall, I'll just catch you."

Pitch looked up at her, bracing his hands on the couch on either side of his legs, ready to push himself up. "I have so much faith in you." he said sarcastically, taking a deep breath and then, with a momentous effort, pushed himself up off of the couch. He felt so proud of himself for doing it on his own, and so soon after coming out of a nightmare too!

Then he wavered on his feet and Tooth had just enough time to push him backwards so that he landed on the couch, rather than the floor.

"OW!" Pitch said, rubbing his back and wincing when he touched the wound. "I thought you said you were going to catch me!"

"I was," Tooth said, folding her arms. "Then I realized I wasn't strong enough to hold you up on my own. Hey," she said when she caught the look on his face. "Don't look at me like that. You're lucky you landed on something soft!"

Pitch rolled his eyes. "Alright, alright, can you please help me up?" he grumbled and, after Tooth had goaded him into saying please, she was helping him limp along the corridor that led down to the hot springs.

It took them a while to get down to the springs, due to Pitch having to lean on Tooth to limp down the tunnel. When they did get to the spring, Tooth found herself amazed at the beauty of the small area. The water was a shimmering mineral green and wisps of smoke drifted off the water and then collected on the walls, making them shimmer just like the water. It was beautiful.

Tooth set Pitch down slowly at the edge of the water, then she headed off to the mouth of the tunnel.

"Hey!" Pitch shouted after her. "Where are you going?"

Tooth turned around and gave him a surprised look. "To wait." she said.

Pitch raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

Tooth rolled her eyes. "Because I'm not about to stick around while you have yourself a bath." she said sharply, turning on her heel and heading back towards the mouth of the cave.

Pitch frowned, then he smiled, not even bothering to take his pants off before sliding into the water. He winced. Oh moon, the water was so hot! But it instantly relaxed his muscles and, after letting out an "Ahh" of bliss, he called out to her again.

"Tooth!"

She was almost to the mouth of the cave before she heard him and turned around. Hopefully she wouldn't feel it necessary to leave, now that he was in the water. She couldn't see anything, partly because of the dense green water and partly because he had his pants still on, so her innocent feminine mind should be safe.

Tooth roller her eyes when she heard him call out again. She said she'd help him, but she had _not_ signed on for giving him a bath!

"What?" she asked exasperatedly, turning around to look at him. Instead of seeing him fully-clothed and sitting on the floor by the edge of the pool, he was hanging onto the edge of the pool with his head propped up on his knuckles.

"Better?" he asked, smiling.

Tooth rolled her eyes. "You really want me to stay?" she asked, taking a step forward.

Pitch nodded. "Please?" he asked, giving her what could be called the Puppy-dog look, if he weren't the Boogeyman and much more dignified than that.

Tooth rolled her eyes and groaned loudly, then she clenched her fists and stalked over to him, seating herself on the floor about a foot from the edge and folding her legs, then her arms. "Alright, I'm here." she said. "But if you think I'm going to go in there, think again. I hate water."

Pitch cocked his head. The water was doing wonders with his back and the wound. He could feel the healing properties of the minerals working quickly on him, to say nothing of the wonderful heat that fulled his body. "Since when?" he asked.

Tooth pursed her lips. "Since ever! I hate rain and water in all forms." she said firmly.

Pitch shrugged. "No problem. I wasn't going to ask you anyway." he said. Was it him, or did Tooth look a little disappointed?

"Oh. OK." she said, looking over at the mouth of the cave, as if she seriously wanted to leave.

Pitch didn't like her slight depression and so he pushed himself away from the edge of the pool and sank down into the water so that he couldn't see her anymore, allowing the green water to submerge his whole body, including his face. The oil in his hair instantly was washed out and he waved his head back and forth under the water, making sure all of the oil was washed out. Then he opened his eyes under the water and smiled. Tooth was peering over the edge with worry on her face.

Pitch smiled and weighed his options, drifting closer and closer to her. The water was too thick for her to see him. Should he, or shouldn't he? It was his job to help people face their fears, after all, so it would be justified if he _did_ do it. Besides, she hadn't noticed the lack of pants folded on the ground anywhere near. That was a detail that just begged him to do it.

After another second he decided what the heck, it would be fun and he erupted from the water, latching onto Tooth's arms with his hands before she could shriek and Tooth, who hadn't had any warning, was dragged kicking down into the water.

She sank like a stone until she reached the white sandy bottom, but that was because Pitch was holding onto her hands and he had his knees pulled up so that they would sink lower. She tried to pull away, but Pitch held her tightly, urging her to open her eyes and look at him, but she didn't and instead fought wildly, trying to break away from Pitch. Pitch was a little worried by this, but he persevered and held her firmly under the water.

Both of them could breath underwater if they kept their mouths shut and, unless they swallowed a lot of water- as was the case of Abby startling Pitch -they could stay underwater for a good long while. Tooth continued to thrash and kick and, when Pitch realized that she was really scared, he allowed an unknown reservoir of knowledge to be tapped into and he moved her tiny child-like hands gently until they were held firmly in his spidery left hand, then he began to move his left hand up and down her arms, rubbing them gently in what he hoped was a comforting way, trying to calm her down.

_It's OK. _He thought. _I was just having a bit of fun. Relax._

His thoughts seemed to have a calming effect on her, or maybe it was just the rubbing, because after a few seconds she hesitantly opened her eyes and looked at him. Her violet irises were tinted green by the water and Pitch felt the urge to kiss her because she looked beautiful, but he ignored that urge. _Not yet,_ he told himself. _I'm a gentlemen, above all._ He kept rubbing her arm and even opened his mouth to smile at her. She hesitantly smiled back, letting her face down before he could see the blush on her cheeks. Then, suddenly he saw her eyes widen and she quickly looked up at his face.

Pitch frowned and raised an eyebrow. Tooth gestured down with her chin, but kept her eyes on his face. He looked down, then he raised his head again and almost laughed. Poor, sweet, innocent Tooth. He took her face in one of his hands and tried to force her to look down to show that he was alright, but she resisted and stared at him with disgust.

Pitch sighed patiently and, taking a risk, let her hands go but before she could rocket out of the water, he pushed himself back so that she could see him fully.

She didn't have time to avert her eyes and when she saw that he was in fact wearing clothes, she gaped, staring at him with wide eyes. He laughed, allowing bubbles to escape his mouth and float to the surface.

Tooth glared and him and lunged towards him, intent on giving him a good beating for making a fool of her but the water was dense and he was able to slip away and swim beneath her, then pop up behind her and put his hands over her eyes. She jerked and tried to slide away from him, but he spun her around to face him and smiled at her.

_I'm just teasing. _He thought.

Again, she seemed to read his thoughts because she glared at him, but it was a playful glare. He simply smiled softly back and took her tiny, delicate hand again, pulling her even farther down until they were sitting on the sandy bottom. At first Tooth tried to fight again but he just held onto her and forced her hand down towards the bottom. _Once she touches the sand she'll be hooked,_ he thought happily.

And that was exactly what happened.

Tooth stared at the sand, taking in it's color and beauty. Then she turned to him and gestured for him to let her go. He let one hand go and she picked up come of the sand, rubbing it between her fingertips. It felt soft and not at all grainy, like the fine sand that had no thick clumps of gravel in it or rock. She smiled and nodded her thanks to Pitch.

Pitch lifted her hand and, smiling a more Boogeyman-like smile, kissed it. She whacked him on the shoulder, but he didn't really feel much impact because of the density of the water. He smiled and made a formal bow.

After that they laid under the water for a bit against the smooth, warm, sandy bottom of the pool and Tooth even allowed Pitch to loosely hold her hand while they laid there with their heads close together, just staring up at the surface. It shone and shimmered like a reflection in a moving mirror, and the bottom of the pool was so deep and sandy that Tooth almost completely forgot about how he'd pulled her into the water against her will and even found herself _enjoying _her time with Pitch.

_Well, _she thought, lacing her fingers into his._ This tears it. I've completely fallen for the Boogeyman._

After another few minutes, Tooth looked at Pitch and he nodded, taking both of her hands and pushing up through the water. When they broke the surface, Tooth smiled and let out a long exhaling breath. "Whew! That was the best experience that I have _ever_ had underwater!" she exclaimed, paddling over to the rim and holding onto it tightly. Pitch noticed this and swam over to her, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry I pulled you in without any warning." he said gently, wondering if she were still mad about that.

Tooth turned to look at him. He could see her wings were limp and her feathers had a gleam to them. "Oh, that's alright." she said, smiling. "I'll admit it freaked me out, but it was so beautiful that I forgive you."

Pitch smiled. Good. "Are you going to stay?" he asked. "In the water, I mean."

She nodded. "It's so warm, I feel like I can't get out!" she said, leaning her head back and letting her eyes drift downward. "And now that I know you're decently dressed-"

Pitch laughed. "Speaking of which, honestly, _what_ do you take me for?" he asked, mimicking her disgusted expression and then he chuckled.

Tooth felt herself blush. "Well I didn't know that you were wearing them!" she exclaimed, pushing against his bare chest and using her momentum to move through the water, away from him.

Pitch smiled. There was a warm feeling beginning to bloom inside of his heart that had nothing to do with the heat of the pool. "I know, I know." he said, walking towards her with a typical Boogeyman smile on his face. "That's why I did it."

"Oh you!" Tooth said, splashing him.

"Hey!" Pitch said indignantly, ducking the water and swiping his hand across the surface of the green water in retaliation.

Tooth ducked and splashed him back. "No fair!" she cried, swimming out to the center of the pool and splashing his vigorously.

"Boogeyman, remember." Pitch said, smiling. His smile was wiped off of his face when the wave Tooth sent crashing down on him met it's mark. He couched and spluttered, losing his footing and falling down into the water, in much the same way he had when Abby had scared him.

"That's the way the cookie crumbles!" Tooth crowned, laughing and fist-pumping with glee.

Pitch retaliated by swimming silently up behind her, erupting from the water, grabbing Tooth by the shoulders with a cry that sounded like a bird of prey going to a dive and dragged her under again.

"_He-_!" Tooth yelled, but she was stopped by the large amount of water she inhaled when Pitch pulled her down.

Pitch laughed silently and started pulling her around the water by her hands, moving like they were animals dancing on the moon.

Tooth fought and kicked. Her eyes were wide and she wanted to get back up to the surface, but Pitch was having too much fun and he just kept pulling her around, smiling and swimming around and around and around. Tooth knew he wasn't going to let go anytime soon, so she decided to play a little trick on him. He deserved it, after pulling her under the water. Tooth allowed her eyes to close, her mouth to slacken, and she let her body go slack.

_This was going to be great! _She thought, wishing she could smile, but that would give the game away and she wasn't going to let this change slip away that easily.

At first, Pitch didn't notice. He just kept pulling her around, dancing with her. She looked so beautiful underwater. Her feathers shone and she was so elegant. Then he noticed that she wasn't fighting anymore and he pulled her closer, just to make sure everything was alright. It wasn't. Her eyes were closed and when he let her hands go she began to sink, very fast.

Pitch instantly grabbed onto her hands and shook her, but she didn't respond. Then he began to panic. Pitch looped his arm around her waist and hauled her up through the water until they made it to the surface, then he pushed her out of the water and rolled her onto her back, laying her on the floor of the cave. She wasn't moving.

"Tooth!" Pitch said, climbing out of the water as fast as he could and knelt at side. Her face was so pale and she still wasn't moving. He opened her mouth and made sure she hadn't swallowed too much water, then he started shaking her shoulders. "Tooth, wake up! Tooth, answer me!"

"What's wrong?" Abby's voice asked, making Pitch jump. Had she been watching the entire time?

"Abby, something's wrong." he said, looking up at the ceiling where Abby was watching.

"What did you do?" Abby asked. There was anger in her voice and Pitch winced.

"I was just playing a joke!" he said quickly. "I swear, I didn't mean to hurt her! Nothing seemed no be wrong!"

"_What_ did you _do_?" Abby repeated, sounding just as angry as before.

Pitch winced again. He felt panic flooding his heart and he tried to turn Tooth on her side to allow the water out of her mouth, but nothing more than a dribble trickled out. "I pulled her under the water." he said miserably, looking back down at the unmoving Tooth. He felt horrible. "I did it once already and she did freak out a little bit, but I didn't know she would actually-"

"You _pulled her under?!_" Abby demanded, making Pitch wince again. "Are you crazy?! Don't you _know_?!"

Pitch frowned, momentarily distracted. "Know what?" he asked, looking back up.

"Tooth _hates_ water!" she exploded, almost blowing out Pitch's ears. He flinched and closed his eyes against the sound of her angry voice. "She's a freaking _bird_, you dolt! Apart from her wings being soaked, the water saps her powers! Gods, I can't believe you did something like that!"

Pitch's eyes widened. "Oh darkness," he gasped, staring down at the limp fairy-woman. "What have I done?" he glanced frantically up at the ceiling. "What do I do?!" he asked.

"CPR."

"What?" Pitch asked, shaking his head in puzzlement.

"CPR. Breathe into her mouth, then pump her stomach five times, then repeat." Abby ordered. "It'll get the water out and might bring her back to consciousness."

Pitch winced and, with a quick glance at Abby, he bent down and breathed into Tooth's mouth.

Tooth had heard all of Abby and Pitch's conversation and she silently cheered. Abby probably knew exactly what was going on and she was egging her on. Great! And the second she felt Pitch's lips touch hers, Tooth opened her eyes and kissed him back as hard as she could. Pitch's eyes widened and he tried to pull away, but Tooth grabbed onto his shoulders and held him in place, kissing him as hard as she could. Her heart erupted in fire and she knew that Pitch was feeling the exact same way, but she still didn't let go.

"GO TOOTH!" Abby cheered. "Well done girl!"

Tooth winked at Pitch and then let him go. Pitch rocked back on his knees, staring at her. He reached up slowly, feeling his mouth. His thoughts were a mixed jumble that he could barely understand, even in his own head.

_Did she just-_

_Wow._

_Tooth is an amazing kisser._

That last thought shook him out of his stupor and he opened his mouth, which still had a numb kind of feeling. "Wow." he said before he could stop himself. "That was..."

Tooth allowed him to trail off and she smiled, sitting up slowly. "Now we're even for the water." she said, smiling.

Pitch smirked. "Minx." he said, his eyes twinkling.

"Stick and stones, stick and stones." Tooth replied, sticking out her tongue.

Pitch laughed and stood up. Tooth tried to lift her wings, but they were still wet. Pitch noticed this and knew that she was a little unsteady on her feet, so he reached out his hand and took hold of hers. "Brace yourself against me and I'll lift you." he said.

Tooth nodded and pushed herself up with her feet. Pitch used her momentum to pull her up and she swayed uncertainly. Pitch knew that she would fall if he let her go and he pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arm around her waist.

"It's alright," he said, keeping her steady. Her small, feathered body was pressed so close to his that he could feel her heart beating in her chest and she was so short that the top of her head barely reached his chin. "I've got you."

Tooth smiled uncertainly. "You don't have to hold me so tightly Pitch." she said, looking up at him.

Pitch kept his gaze focused on her eyes, trying not to look at her lips. "I don't want you to fall." he said.

_Too late. _Tooth thought. "Well, um, thanks." she said.

Pitch smiled warmly at her. He hadn't been this close to her, ever. Well, maybe when she'd kissed him in the living room, but then she'd only been close to his face. Now, he could feel her soft feathers against his bare skin and darkness she was _soft_! Like one of those cuddly toys little girls hugged when they'd just woken up from one of his nightmares.

"Do you want to go back in the water?" Pitch asked, gesturing to the pool. "You're starting to shiver."

Tooth glanced at the pool apprehensively.

Pitch caught her gaze and squeezed her hand meaningfully. "Tooth," he said, looking straight into her eyes. "I promise I won't pull you under again."

Tooth looked back up at him and, after deliberating for a bit, she nodded. "Alright." she said, mentally trying to convince herself that she was just cold and she didn't want to go in the water just so that she could see Pitch swimming again. Total lie. She _so_ wanted to.

Pitch's smile widened and Tooth's heart leaped into her throat. I_ just made a huge mistake._

"Pitch," she warmed but before she could get any farther, Pitch pulled wrapped both of his arms around her, hugging her tightly to him and threw the both of them sideways into the pool. Tooth didn't even have time to scream the torrent of cursed that were going through her mind before they hit the water and sank back down again.

This time, Pitch willingly let her go as soon as she started kicking and hitting him. It was obvious that he was afraid of her actually drowning instead of just faking it to get a kiss.

"PITCH!" His name reverberated in the huge tunnel when Tooth broke the surface, howling and thrashing with anger. Pitch's head innocently bobbed up out of the water. He had an evil smile on his face and his hair was slicked back across his head in the Draco Malfoy-style again.

"Yes?" he asked innocently.

Tooth whirled on him and his smile widened when he saw the fire in her eyes. "WHAT THE HELL PITCH?!" she yelled, gesturing to the water around her.

"I said I wouldn't pull you under. I never said anything about _throwing you in_." he said, grinning impishly.

"PITCH BLACK I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Tooth howled, lunging at him with her fists clenched.

"You have to catch me first sweetheart!" Pitch called, dodging her. He kept his head above the surface of the green water as he swam around her, grinning all the while.

"I'm going to rip your hair off and use it as a muff!" Tooth yelled, lunging again.

"I'm well aware." Pitch said with a straight face, leaning left when she got close to him and thrust her fists out.

"I'm going to _rip your robe to shreds_ and _feed_ them to you!" she shouted, lunging again and again. Pitch dodged and ducked when she threw a roundhouse punch.

"Aww come on," Pitch crooned. "You know you love it." Then he laughed as she turned bright red.

"UGH!" she screamed and tackled him, pushing him down into the water and pummeling him for all he was worth.

They were both loving every minute of it, as was the purple-haired writer who was laughing her ass off in her one-room apartment several hundred miles away.


End file.
